


Dorcas Meadowes: Of Love and War

by Marylvany



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-02-22 14:27:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 38
Words: 176,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22451068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marylvany/pseuds/Marylvany
Summary: Dorcas Meadowes's final year at Hogwart. A love and friendship story during the rising of Voldemort, or how to have a glimpse of wonderful people's happiness before everything goes bad... The fact that the ending is quite dramatic doesn't mean that the way there wasn't a happy one... (You know the end, I will focus more on the before! I suck at summaries, come, read it! :P )
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Dorcas Meadowes
Comments: 5
Kudos: 7





	1. Of Introductions and Moving out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A gloomy prologue before introducing Dorcas properly

**_ Prologue _ **

_ As I was  _ _ uncomfortably sitting _ _ on a wooden chair, tightly tied up, and looking death directly in the eyes, I thought about it all. The things that brought me to that ultimate moment, aka, the end of my life.  _

_ Do I regret any of it? If changing my actions would have lead me to another ending, would have save my life, would I, knowing all those facts, have changed something?  _

_ Of course, not. I regret nothing. I’m proud of what my parents raised me to become. I’m proud of  _ _ the chance that I had to have such amazing and loving friends _ _. And most of all, I’m proud to have fall for him _ _. I chose him and he chose me, this is something, isn’t it? Of all the one-directed love stories, mine was two-sided, and I know that we were incredibly lucky _ _. Those moments spent loving him were the happiest memories I have. The last year I’ve spent at Hogwarts was both the worst and the best time of my life. Equally. I’ve lost someone very dear to me that year, and in counterpart, I’ve found love, the one who’s worth fighting for... And,  _ _ seeing in what position I am at the moment _ _ ,  _ _ I would add that this love was also worth dying for… _

_ Maybe I do, have one regret, after all... That I’ll never be able to see them again.  _ _ My soulmates, the love of my life, and my beloved friends.. _ _. Do they need me? Will they miss me?  _ _ Because  _ _ I certainly will...  _

_ I pushed those thoughts out of my head as I’ve heard him  _ _ address _ _ me.  _

  * _You_ _’ve_ _made all the wrong choices, like your parents did before you._ _I always regret to have to kill talented witches_ _like you are, such a waste_ _..._
  * _Then_ _don’t_ _, I_ _said, anger in my voice._


  * _I offered you to join me, yet you refused and worked against us._
  * _Am I to listen to you all night, or will you kill me already? I rolled my eyes at him, feeling somewhat serene about this, knowing that I would die perfectly happy, and who could say that, right?_
  * _I certainly will, but I want you to know something, first. You don’t wonder why I’m not trying to take information from you?_
  * _…_



_ I _ _ have to admit, this question hit the target all right _ _. I would have thought that he would torture me or make me drink Veritaserum to try to know where the Potters ar _ _ e. He was after them for months _ _ now, Merlin knows why. But thing is, I couldn’t give him this information,  _ _ there was a very strong protective spell on their house _ _. My best friend, Lily, James and most of all, Harry, their f _ _ reshly one-year old son, were at the moment in hiding from the asshole on the verge of killing me  _ _ in my own kitchen at the moment _ _.  _

  * _Maybe you just know that I’m not the one that can give you this information._
  * _Or, maybe_ _,_ _I already have the information I needed._
  * _You’re bluffing, I said, keeping my cool, as inside I was starting to panic._
  * _I’m not. Your friend betrayed you for quite a while now. He just gave me the information, I’m on my way to their house, right after I’m done_ _here_ _with you._ _A pretty prolific evening, don’t you think?_
  * _I don’t believe you, I said, wishing with all my heart that_ _he was bullshitting me._


  * _You’ve cause_ _d_ _me a lot of troubles, Meadowes. And because of that, I won’t_ _give_ _you a peaceful death. I want you to die, knowing that it was all in vain, because I’m getting them, at last._ _And most of all, by betrayal of someone close to you._
  * _There’s no way… I began._
  * _Peter Pettigrew_ _has been leaking information to us_ _about the Order for months now._
  * _What???? He doesn’t…!!! I said, but something in the pit of my stomach told me that_ _he_ _was_ _telling_ _the truth._



_ We knew that someone of t _ _ he Order was working with them, it was clear. For months now, information was leaking and friends were dying… I had a thought for Marlene, one of my dearest friend from Hogwarts, those bastards killed everyone of her family  _ _ three months ago… I just can’t believe Peter would have  _ _ done _ _ something like this. After all, she was his friend too… And  _ _ I  _ _ certainly _ _ cannot believe that he would betray James, of all people… But… He _ _ wa _ _ s scared. He wasn’t a very  _ _ active _ _ member of The Order of the phoenix, not risking his neck on missions that much, more of the spying sort… _ __ _ He _ _ didn’t want nothing to do with the Order at first, the boys convinced him to join… _ _ It’s not everybody who can face those people, I understand that… But to work for them _ _ , against your best friends _ _ , really?  _

  * _Because of his precious information, we managed to crushed your ridiculous group_ _. What? Where’s all_ _your_ _sassiness, now? You’re not telling me that_ _you really th_ _ought_ _you_ _stand_ _a chance against us? You lot are pathetic, really. And the worst is, The Potters trusted him very much. To the point that they decided to make him the secret keeper of their home._
  * _THEY WHAT? I asked,_ _not believing_ _it._



_ Sirius was on his way to them two hours ago, because he was suppose _ _ d _ _ to be the actual secret-keeper… I didn’t understand…  _

  * _Sirius Black thought that he was too much of the obvious choice, so they decided to take Pettigrew instead… He trailed, with a cruel smirk on his face._



_ Oh no. OH NO OH NO OH NO. I need to warned them. I need to do something. As I was trying to take my hands of _ _ f _ _ the ties, hurt _ _ ing like hell _ _ , _ _ he came closer to me, still smirking.  _

  * _You’ve lost your arrogance, didn’t you, Meadowes? Great, now I feel like I got you in the right state of mind to end you, farewell…_ _Avada Kedavra!_



_ As I was screaming in my head from anger and fear for my friends and loved  _ _ ones, those _ _ definitive words were the last thing I heard, before _ _ he disappeared from my view as a green light blinded me.  _

***

**Chapter 1: Of introductions and moving out**

Well, here I am, a brand new resident in this really tiny place called Godric’s Hollow. Not my decision, I was pretty happy in my London’s big flat with my parents. I may have forgotten to introduce myself, and skip to the whining part, sorry about that...! I’m Dorcas Meadowes, only child in a wizard family. I’m seventeen, and I can describe myself as average. Average tall (5 feet 4 inches), with average shape (genetic gave me good and bad, I’m thin, but I would like to have a little more at some specific places…) my skin is very pale, I have blue-grayish eyes (why not just blue or just gray?) some damn freckles around the nose and long wavy dark brown hair (my hair are as ambivalent than my eyes, not able to reach a decision between straight or curly, they decided to be both). This will be my final year at Hogwarts, school of witchcraft and wizardry. I am, like my dad was, a Gryffondor. My mom, more the brainy type, was a Ravenclaw. My mom and dad, Luvinia and Richard Meadowes, are famous Aurors in the wizarding world. All I know is that they are very engaged in the battle against Voldemort (in this family, we do not fear to use the name...) and his followers, who called themselves death-eaters. Very dangerous work indeed... That’s why they wanted to protect me, by sending me away at my grandmother’s house in Godric’s Hollow. They put the house under a protection spell years ago to protect her, and now me. I love her, I do, but I miss the city very much, there’s nothing to do here... But I do understand in what fucked up world I grew up... These are dark times for the wizarding world. Attacks are multiplying and everybody begins to fear for themselves and for the people they love. And the fact that my parents are working against dark and powerful wizards puts us all in danger. So, it’s the reason I’m here, in the countryside for the rest of the summer (a month). 

I’ve just finished unpacking my stuff when I decided to write to Lily. Lily Evans, a brilliant muggle-born witch, my best friend since we met in our dormitory on our first night in Hogwart. We’re very different, she’s studious where I am lazy (we are both good though), I love Quidditch as much as she loves potions (I hate potions), she’s a stunning red-head and I’m an ordinary brown-haired girl. But I do think that our differences are what keeps our friendship interesting. 

_Hi Lils,_

_It’s done, I’m relocated. I’ve already asked my gran if you can join me here and she agreed. Feel free to come as soon as your sister’s wedding is done. The good news is, she will be moving veeeery soon with this horrible man, good for you! Tell me when you’re planning to come, I’ll apparate at your house because you can’t apparate here without me, the house is hidden as I told you. I can’t wait! You know who happens to live nearby too? Your favorite. Well, since recently, I know you would have been displeased by this proximity, but we both know that it’s not entirely true anymore don’t we? Miss you so much, can’t wait to spend time with you soon._

_Keep me posted, Red._

_Dorcas xxx_

I fixed the letter to my owl named Colonel and opened the window. As I do, I saw my gran outside, having a hard time trying to get rid of those wicked garden gnomes. Well, if there is something we don’t have to deal with downtown London, it’s these little demons. But I have to say, I do enjoy this task a little bit, I can pass some frustrations on those. I’ll go help her. 

Two very long and boring days later (I know, I can be very dramatic sometimes) I’m having breakfast with gran when my owl came back. I got up and went to open the window to let him in. I took the letter and looked at my gran. 

  * It’s from Lily. 



I opened the letter with anticipation. 

_Hello Dor,_

_Happily relocated I see! I assure you that I count the days until Tunia’s wedding, 8 days to go! It will be a nightmare, but after, she will be gone and I can’t say that I will miss her and Vernon that much. So, the wedding is august the 10th, I will come join you the 12th. I’m very excited about it, my summer was nothing but boring. And I do love the countryside, I won’t miss my boring suburban… I know that Potter lives there, he told me years ago. Don’t put your hopes too high, the fact that he doesn’t annoys me as much as before doesn’t mean I fancy him. We’re just trying to be friends, that’s all. He wrote to me last week can you believe it? And I answered him, even more unbelievable. I think he’s more mature, I don’t know what changed. And you? Still not ready to confess that you fancy Black? You wouldn’t be the first to, you know! You two never miss an occasion to fight, it is kinda cute._

_We’ll talk about this when we see each other SOON!_

_I’ll wait for you Monday the 12th at 11:00! Please be nice and don’t apparate directly in my room and give me a heart attack like last time?_

_See you soon, brunette._

_Lily xxx_

I turned to my gran with a smile. 

  * So, she’s coming soon, dear? She asked 
  * Yes, next Monday. 
  * And how is she coming? Do I have to get a special permission to open the chimney? 


  * No, we keep it simple, I’ll apparate at her place and bring her back here. 
  * Oh fine. What will you do today? I still have some work in the garden if you can help. 
  * Of course. 



Since I have NOTHING BETTER to do anyway... 

  * Good, I can use the help, and after I’ll make you a fantastic pie as a reward! She said, getting up and patting my shoulder affectionately. 



Oh. The pies. One of the things who makes this situation very bearable. My gran is a marvelous cook. Everything she touches becomes a feast. She’s even better than Hogwarts's house elves, and it’s a big compliment. So, after cleaning the dishes, I grab a horrible big straw hat and follow gran in the garden. I rethink about Lily’s letter. I think I annoy her with Potter as much as she annoys me with Black. The difference is big though. Potter court her (very loudly I should add) since our second year. He’s never being subtle about it. He wants her, pretty bad, he’s joking and all, but I know he’s madly in love with her. I do know him a little. I play Quidditch since my fourth year as a chaser for Gryffindor’s team. And Potter is our seeker and our captain. So, I know him better since. Decent bloke. He’s part of a famous group of popular pranksters the same year as us girls. It’s a good thing we are good at Quidditch, because we lose the house cup every year because of them (remember, famous pranksters?). There’s James Potter, the leader, the famous seeker, he’s from an old and rich wizard family and he’s like me, good at school without even trying that much (I think he’s actually better than me). He’s attractive, even Lily can’t say otherwise. It’s not that he’s stunningly hot, he is good-looking, but it’s more his attitude that makes him attractive. He’s charismatic, smart, funny, and nice (with us fellow Gryffindors at least). And then, there’s Remus Lupin, a very great gal, also easy for the eyes and such a good person, generous and so nice, I like him a lot... He seems to have a very fragile health, but he’s also one of the most kind and brilliant wizards I know. He’s in team Lily for the studious thing, they spend a lot of time together studying in the library, but I’m not complaining, because she’s not always asking me to go with her because she has Remus. The third one is Peter Pettigrew, I don’t have much to say, he’s fine, but we don’t have much in common, between us, I often think that he just can’t believe his luck to be with the other three… He’s not that good in class, he doesn’t have much to say, but he’s nice. There’s something, though, he kinda gets on my nerves sometimes, but I try to be nice because he is nice with me so... And the last one, I kept him last, didn’t I? Sirius Black. First son in a wealthy and old pure-blood family whom my parents told me to be absolutely horrible, he’s like Potter’s brother he never had. I’ve heard a rumor that he’s actually living at the Potter’s, but never dare to ask. He’s very good at school, and insanely handsome. I mean, it shouldn’t be legal. I told you how Potter is charming and nice and all and that makes him attractive? Well, Black is very, very, very attractive, but could be a little more charming! He just seemed to care for nothing outside his friends and Quidditch. He’s moody, sometimes he’s nice and all, other times it feels like he’s closing himself and he’s colder. I never know when it will happen. He’s kind of an enigma, I wish I knew him better actually. But our contacts are superficial ones, we tease and joke, but nothing serious ever. He’s one of the team’s beater and since I’m in the team, I’m one of his favorite targets to annoy. We fight, a lot. Him and Potter seems to never take anything seriously, it’s equally fun and exasperating. Sirius is annoying and gorgeous, so, my way of hiding my uneasiness around him is to use my marvelous sense of repartee. Because he’s not shy. Not at all. A lot of girls turn around him in school. A lot. He doesn’t seem to care that much, though. He had a couple of girlfriends since I know him, but it never lasted more than a couple of weeks. I think he priories his close circle of friends and doesn’t let space for a girl (none of them seems to do, now that I think about it... But Potter would if Lily let him...). Lily thinks I fancy him. Do I? Don’t know, I never fancied anyone really, I don’t think the vampire lead singer of the music band _The Immortals_ count…! (OH, MERLIN IS HE GORGEOUS). All in all, I think Lily is tired of me teasing her with Potter and teasing me with Black is her way of shutting me off. 

After a couple of hours, we left the garden to have lunch outside. it’s shiny, which is rare here. When I was standing to help clean the table, I heard a very familiar laugh. 


	2. Of Quidditch and Pies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unplanned quidditch match and desert! 

  * Could it be…? 
  * There's boys your age who often play Quidditch there, maybe you know them?
  * I know that laugh, it belongs to a friend. Can I go? Or do you prefer I go after doing the dishes?
  * Oh no, you go Dorcas, you need to spend time with people your age for a change! Go through the hay this way, there’s a small passage there. 
  * Ok. Later, then !



I put back the plates I was holding on the table and walked to the hay where we heard what sounds like Potter’s ridiculous laugh. I passed through the hole in the hay to discover a beautiful small clearing. Potter was there as I thought he would, obviously in the middle of an improvised Quidditch match with Black. Well, well, well, my day became a lot more interesting now, doesn’t it? I smiled and yelled to draw their attention. 

  * Hey weirdos! 



Potter dropped the Quaffle and looked at me. Black was in front of the goals and doesn’t look like he heard me, but he saw Potter coming my way and then finally spotted me. He left the goals and came down my way after Potter who just landed in front of me and dropping his broom to great me.

  * Hey Meadowes!



He came forward and gave me a quick hug. Black, who just landed, approach me, with a little crooked smile. 

  * Meadowes.
  * Black. 



As usual, Potter took control of the conversation. 

  * What are you doing here? 
  * I’ve heard your stupid laugh from my gran’s garden, there (I point the house behind me) I’m at my gran’s house for the rest of the summer. 



Potter looked behind me with a puzzled look. 

  * First, my laugh isn’t stupid, it’s perfect, thanks. Second,Where? Near here? 
  * Just there, oh wait... Where did it go...



I found the paper I was looking for in the bottom of my jeans back pocket and gave it to him. He opens it and read it before looking again behind me. 

  * Oh. I see. 



He gave it to Black and the same thing happened. He turns towards me with incomprehension in his face.

  * But, why…?



I sat near Black on a big rock and begin to explain. 

  * Well, you remember my parents are aurors, chasing after bad guys, especially death eaters?
  * Yes, doing a pretty good job at it, Potter replied. 


  * Well, yeah, in this job, the more you success, the more the risk... so it's becoming more and more risky. They reached the point to ask me to come live here with gran before Hogwarts. They believe we are in danger, all of us, so the ministry protected our gran’s house years ago in case someone would try to find them by using her you see… These days it’s getting very dangerous for them and by extension, for me... 
  * Whoa, it’s getting pretty serious…! Exclaimed Potter.
  * I know. I plan to help after Hogwarts. They don’t want me to of course, become an auror like them. But it would be hypocritical for them to forbid me to... And for me, to hide is worse than to fight, so... 



There was a couple of seconds of awkward silence between the three of us. 

  * Well, let’s change the subject, ok?… and what about you two, having a great summer so far?


  * Pretty much. We spend an awful lot of time on Padfoot’s little project, don’t we mate?
  * Stop complaining, Prongs, it’ll be worth it you’ll see! 
  * What are you two plotting this time? 



Black looked at me with a smirk.

  * We could tell you, but then we would have to kill you and that would be a shame, because I appreciate you. 


  * Very funny. You lot are way too secretive. One day I’ll discover every one of your secrets. 
  * Well, good luck with that! He smirked at me. 



I pushed him on the shoulder before I turned back to Potter. 

  * So, Potter... This is your new Quidditch spot then? It’s great! Why didn’t you invite us here last year? 
  * Because it wasn’t ours yet. My dad bought this place during the spring. The old muggle couple living next door were selling it. There are muggle repulsive spells and all. You want to play? Would be great! You’ll have to show me that you still deserve to be in the team!



I facepalmed. 

  * I’m curious, did you tell Black the same thing or you’re just being an ass with me? I asked him.



Black rose up and took his broom back. 

  * You couldn’t be that good without me protecting you, love, he said, winking at me.



Like I said, never serious. I bite though, cannot resist, like always. 

  * Give me a bludger and a bat and let’s see who needs protection! I said, getting up and standing in front of him.



He smirks at me. 

  * Fury, you do know you don’t look threatening at all, do you? 
  * Don’t. Call. Me. That, I replied. 



Potter came between us before I had a chance to reply with a snide comment. 

  * Calm down both of you, I was joking, Meadowes, we all know we need you in the team. You’re second best, after me or course!
  * Hey! 



Sirius isn’t happy about it...! 

  * Sorry Pads, you’re good, mate, but she’s better. You have other qualities though!
  * Pfffft... Can’t believe it. You’re telling her that just because she’s good-looking...



Well, am I now? Good to know...

  * Of course, she’s prettier than you, no offense mate, but you’re not my type! Shall we play, then? I suggest you two (he points me and Black) play together. You need to work on your team work together, it’ll good for the team, instead of fighting like child as you always do. 
  * You mean us two against you alone? I asked, frowning. 
  * You're right, doesn't work... Give me a minute...



And he disappeared. 

-where did he go?

\- I guess he went home to fetch Remus.

\- Oh. Great! I’ve missed him.

I rose my wand and cast an  _ accio broom _ to get my Comet. Black came closer while I spotted my broom flying to me.

  * Missed me too? He asked me, with a charming smile.


  * Nope. Not a second, I said without hesitation, even if I thought otherwise.
  * You’re such a liar! He laughed. 



I caught my broom at this moment and got up. I did miss him. No way I’m telling him though.

  * We’re even, I don’t think you’ve missed me either I said back to him. 
  * I did, though. Even if you’re a pain in the ass most of the time, he added, smiling at me. 


  * Right back at you, I answered, not even sure if I was meaning that he is himself a pain in the ass, or that I’ve missed him too. 



Potter came back with Remus before he had the chance to respond. 

  * Hi Remus! I said cheerfully. 
  * Hey Dorcas good to see you! How it’s going? He greeted me, with his warm smile. 



He came closer and gave me a hug. He’s like Potter, a warm person and I don’t mind at all, I like him a lot. He’s nice and calm and he appeased me often when I panic over  homeworks or exams. Yeah, I’m always at last minute to study or write essays so it does imply a lot of stress sometimes...! 

  * I’m fine, how about you? Did you make it? Head Boy I mean? I asked him. 
  * Oh no. No I didn't. The title went to…
  * To me!!! Said James, before Remus had the chance to finish his sentence. 
  * WHAT?!?!?!?! How could they give it to you? How is that logic or fair? I said, outraged. 



Remus put a hand on my shoulder. 

  * Dumbledore’s decision, we both know that the man is always mysterious, but also that he’s always right in the end! I don’t mind, really, I will have more time to prepare my NEWTs, he added. 
  * You’re sure? I asked him, frowning.
  * Really, I don’t mind at all. It will be a good change to not always have to be the party pooper with my friends! He laughed.
  * Haha, right... I don’t see James in that role though... I said, elbowing James. 
  * I can be a party pooper too, you know? He said, trying to be serious, and failing miserably. 


  * No. You can’t... I guess Lily will have to... I began, then stopped, hitted by realisation. 



I’ve just realised what it means that James is the new Gryffindor Head boy.

  * OH MERLIN!!!!!!!!!! OH NO! I shouted, panicking, putting both hands over my mouth.
  * What? Said Remus, concerned. 
  * Lily. Lily’s the Head Girl. Oh Merlin… She’ll be stuck with you, Potter…!!! I said, pointing him. 



I think he wouldn’t be more ecstatic if I’d announce him that he would meet Merlin himself. 

  * GREAT!!! Just perfect!!! This day is getting better and better! This just became the dream job! He said, overenthusiastic. 



Sirius facepalmed and groaned. 

  * We won’t hear the end of it until the end of times... He moaned. 



Everybody was laughing while I was worrying about my friend. Lily won’t be happy about it…! After a couple of minutes of casual conversation, I turned to Lupin.

  * So, didn’t know you can play Quidditch? I asked.
  * I don’t. James forced me out of my readings. I was happy not to come, but since you’re here... He smiled at me.



Black interrupted him. 

  * Okay, let’s play then! Meadowes, come with me. 



I left Remus and Potter and followed him in the center of the field, where there were three wood improvised goals each side of it. 

  * So, I’ll be the keeper and you’ll score the goals. We’ll win easily, you’re the only chaser here and Remus sucks at Quidditch, he said. 
  * Not very nice, I pointed. 
  * Like Prongs said for me earlier, he has other qualities...! Follow me! He said, mounting his broom. 



He winks at me and rose up in the air. I took off too and joined him up there. Potter and Lupin came to meet us and the game began after Black and Lupin took place in front of the goals. We just played with the Quaffle, not enough players for the bludgers and the snitch. Black was right, we won easily, Potter is not used to be a chaser and Lupin is not used to be a player at all. Potter clapped Remus in the back. 

  * Nice try, Moony, he said. 


  * Well, being there was enough contribution for me, he answered him. 
  * You did well, Remus, considering! I said.
  * Thanks for the pity compliment, Dorcas.
  * It was, wasn’t it? Sorry Remus! I laughed. 



Potter who was clearly about to add something stopped and sniffed the air.

  * Hm… What’s that smell? He asked. 



He got up from the ground and turn towards my gran’s home. 

  * That would be my gran’s amazing caramel apple pie. It’s supposed to be my treat for the help I provided with the garden this morning, I said. 
  * Great, you introduce me to her? He asked me. 



He doesn’t wait for my answer and went straight to the hay. We followed him, I do know that nothing can come between a good meal and James’s never-ending hole of a stomach. Remus was confusingly looking where Potter disappeared. I came by his side and put the piece of paper in his right hand. He looks at me, then at the piece of paper, and I saw his understanding in his face even before he reads it. He looked back there and saw my gran’s house. He then looked back at me and gave me back the piece of paper. 

  * So, you’re living at your gran’s? I remember you telling me about this before we left Hogwarts, he added. 
  * Yup. I just arrived a couple of days ago. Let’s go join those idiots who just went unannounced to meet her...! I laughed. 



We arrived in the garden and saw my gran who was putting two pies to cool down on the windowsill. She raised her head when she saw us crossing the hay. Potter and Black were already seated at the table. 

  * Oh hi, you bring back some friends of yours? She asked me. 
  * Well, it’s the pie's fault. My friend here, James Potter, just can’t resist pastries, I said. 


  * Welcome dear boy. I recognize you now, I know your mother. I will be happy to share it with you. And who are your other friends? She asked, looking back at me. 
  * Hum. Here’s Remus Lupin, and this one’s here is... 



He didn’t let me finish my sentence. 

  * His future husband. Pleased to finally meet you Miss Meadowes.



Potter was laughing at his stupid joke, as usual. Lupin was looking as awkward as me, I don’t understand, it’s not like it’s out of character coming from Sirius. I turned to the window where my gran was, to answer her. 

  * … He’s Sirius Black, and he’s a big liar, gran, don’t believe any silly thing you would hear from him or Potter! Remus you can trust. Really Sirius? I said, looking at him, he was still smiling wickedly at me. 



But before he had the chance to respond, my gran does. 

  * Well… A Black you say? She asked, frowning. 



It’s true that the Black doesn’t have a good reputation amongst my family because of their ways of feeling superior and their closeness with the wrong side of the wizard’s community, aka, Voldemort’s one… My parents do know about Sirius’s particular situation, though, because I'’ve told them, but not my gran. Sirius seemed disappointed for a second, then regain is countenance and responded with a sad smile. 

  * Long story short, I’m not part of this family anymore, he said. 


  * Oh. I see… Wait for me kids I’ll fetch some tea to accompany the pie, she said, before going back to the kitchen. 



I turn back towards Black, his expression was dark as he was playing with the table’s cloth in brooding silence. I asked Potter and Lupin to go grab two more garden chairs in the barn, then turn back towards Black and come sit at the table with him. I don’t know what to say, I feel awkward. He looks in one of his moods, when he’s closing up. 

  * Heum. Are you ok? I asked awkwardly. 
  * Oh yeah. Sure. Why? He said.
  * I didn’t know about… I began. 


  * Ah, about the fact that I ran from home and got disinherited? It’s old news really, it happened last year, he stated. 



Merlin, he’s talkative today. Great change. I should seize the opportunity to get to know him more.

  * Yes… I’ve heard rumors about it but I wasn’t sure and… I began, words tumbling fast out of my mouth. 
  * Don’t feel bad for me. You don’t have to. I’m way better without them. Really. You can go back to your usual impolite self! He said, winking at me, regaining his horrifyingly hot crooked smile.



I didn’t follow him in the teasing direction he seems to want to go to and instead tried to continue with the real conversation that was going on, to gain more information about him, something he kind of never gave me until now. 

  * So... It’s true then, you live at the Potter’s? I asked him. 
  * I do. Until I find my own place, he said. 
  * But... were you not disinherited? I mean... How... I began to ask. 
  * How would I afford it? Couple of months ago my uncle Alphard passed away and gave me all his money. He likes me, I think it’s because he hated my mother mostly and he was always taking news of me and pushing me to do what I want and not what my family wanted for me... The more I was subversive towards them and the more he liked me, I think. Mother was furious. She tried to ruined it of course, but I was the only heir on the testimony and there was nothing she could do to prevent it, he finished. 
  * Oh... Very generous of him. 


  * Yeah, he wasn’t married and didn’t have children. 



I don’t know where to put myself and what to say. This is a first. Actually, this is the only serious conversation we’ve ever had. He stopped and looked me in the eyes, something he doesn’t do often. I cursed myself as I feel the blushing begin. He grins at me. 

  * You’re very cute when you’re shy, Meadowes, he smirked at me. 
  * There you go. Back to it, I pouted. 
  * Back to what? He asked me, frowning. 


  * To annoy me, your usual self, I said, rolling my eyes. 
  * So, me complimenting you is annoying you? You hate compliments? He asked me. 



I didn’t have the chance to respond because Potter and Lupin were approaching with the chairs and my gran asked for help to open the door because her arms were full. Before I could stand up, Black was already going her way. Well, didn’t know this one could be of service. Everyone settled down around the famous pie, I served the tea while my gran served slices of desert to all of us. 

  * Hmmmm! This is heaven in my mouth! Said james, speaking with his mouth full. 
  * Thank you, dear boy, it’s always a pleasure to cook for those who appreciate it. So, somebody can tell me what’s going on between Dorcas and this boy? She said, while pointing Sirius with a small smile. Before I can answer, Black took the lead. 


  * Nothing, miss. I’m just teasing her, we’re just friends, he said. 
  * Oh. For a moment there, I though she forgot to mention she had a boyfriend, she teased me, smiling. 



I shouldn’t have taken a sip of tea, because at this moment I choked on it. 

  * Are you okay dear? She asked, tapping me on the back. 



But no, I wasn’t, I continued to choke like a crazy person for a couple of seconds, before being able to breath normally again. 

  * You see, Mrs. Meadowes, she’d rather choke to death than be with me! He shrugged. 



I regain a little countenance and throw my spoon to his face. He intercepted it easily. 

  * Well, you two sure are entertaining, she said to us. 



Potter laugh at us with is mouth full of pie (he took another plate). When we’re finished, we helped gran to clean up and says bye to the boys who got back home after scheduling a rematch soon (Remus wasn’t very excited about it though). After a very light diner (after the pie, just a soup was enough), I indulged myself by taking a very long hot bath. I brought a book with me and took my time. After a while the water got cold and I decided to get out. I went to my room to continue my reading. My gran, who was getting ready to go to bed, came at the door a couple of minutes later. 

  * So… You have interesting friends, Dorcas. 


  * I do. A good lot those three, right? 
  * I agree, I’m glad that you are well surrounded. Good night, dear.
  * ‘night. 



I rethought about my conversation with Black, earlier. For a second, he wasn’t joking around and we had something like a real conversation. Not that I don’t have a sense of humor. I do, I can myself be very immature and I love it. But I never saw Black serious. Ever. Potter, on the other hand, can be sometimes, it’s rare, but it’s there. Black is always pranking and saying silly things and joking around. Maybe he just usually keeps those moods for when he’s with his close friends. In that case, I can be flattered, I guess. I decided to write to Lily before I go to bed. 

_Hey Red,_

_I saw the boys today (Potter, Black and Lupin), they were playing Quidditch next door. It was fun. But I gotta tell you something horrible. Guess who’s Head boy? POTTER!!! Good to know you two are learning to get along, because you’ll spend a lot of time together at Hogwart! Also, did you know Black runs from home and lives at the Potter’s since last year? The rumors were true. I guess it’s for the best... Can’t wait to have you here!_

_See you soon_

_Dore_


	3. Of Surprise and Roommates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Temporary yet exciting new living arrangements 

** Chapter 3: Of surprise and roommates **

Couples of days later, I was having trouble not to depress on the fact that there was nothing to do here. I mean, really, I couldn’t wait until Lily come and join me. My gran was out for the week-end, her sister is sick and she went to take care of her, abandoning me here. Oh, she did ask me to go with her, but I politely declined. Asilda, my great-aunt, is a huge pain and the ass. Always grumpy and saying mean comments to me, I don’t understand how my gran and her can be related. Then again, it’s kinda the same as Lily and Petunia... So, I told gran that I’m seventeen and totally capable of taking care of myself. Except, I have near to no talent in a kitchen and might starve to death until she comes back. It’s nine and I’m still in bed, wondering what to do with my skin today. A good start could be to eat something, gran left me some mouth-watering pastries that I could indulge. I finally left my bed and went down the stairs to the kitchen. 

  * About time you get up! 
  * Aaaaarghhhhh what the...!!!!



I turn back to see James Potter sitting on one of the couches, smiling at me. 

  * Potter?!?!?! What the actual... What are you doing here? I could’ve jinx you, you idiot!!! I almost died of a heart attack!!!! I shouted at him, a hand over my heart, who was still beating fast and loud. 



I hate to be startled, I swear, I could punch somebody who startled me, my roommates at Hogwarts knows that fact by then and don’t even try to startle me. So, right now, I was kind of furious at Potter and I was regretting the fact that I forgot my wand upstairs, cause I’m quite sure I would have jinx the jerk. Well, on second thought, maybe it’s a good thing I don’t have it in hand... 

  * Calm down, Meadowes. I mean, you don’t even have your wand with you. Tssss.... He rolled his eyes at me. 
  * JAMES POTTER I’M GONNA KILL YOU! JERK! I shouted back at him.
  * Maybe you should go dress, first, he said, with a falsely reproving expression. 



Aaaaaaand I remember what I was wearing. Aka, nothing more than a t-shirt. ONLY A DAMN T-SHIRT. An insufficient piece of clothes who must approximatively MAYBE hide my undies. And my hair must be a mess, I sure as hell must look horrible. MERLIN. How could that day go worst...? 

  * I don’t mind you attacking me in that attire, said a mocking voice I recognised damn too well. 



REALLY!!!! Of course, he’s bloody here too, those two Siamese's idiots never go on separated way, do they? I turned back again to face the kitchen, where Black was casually eating one of the pastries I was going for, smirking at me. I do know my cheeks were turning scarlet red by then. Without another word or gesture, that surely I would regret afterwards, I turned back on my heels and escape in my bedroom, closing the door with a loud ‘BANG’. What was going on? Why were these morons in my house? Had I asked the universe too loudly for my days to get less boring? Is this the stupid way life thought of granting me my wish? Maybe life also wanted to do a payback for all the times I did this to Lils since I can apparate by myself. I did it a couple of memorable times, I have to confess. But if it was just that, and not the fact that they nearly saw me in my undies... I’m only wearing big pajamas from now on, I promise, lesson learned! I took off my clothes and went in the shower, taking all my time. After using magic to dry my hair, I put on jeans and a dark red jumper before I went back downstairs. They were still there, laughing in the living room. 

  * So. Can somebody please explain? I asked them, crossing my arms, pouting. 



Potter drop the Daily Prophet copy he was reading to face me. 

  * Do we need a reason to visit you? Do we need to send a card to announce ourselves? What are you, the Prime minister or something? He said, frowning and trying to look stern. 
  * I guess we could have sent a herald, with a clarion and all, we could’ve asked Pete to do it, don’t you think, Prongs? Suggested Black.
  * Pete doesn’t play the clarion.... Oooooh, I see, good idea, mate, said Potter. Next time we’ll send you Pete, is that better, Meadowes? he added, turning to me, faking seriousness, as he always does.
  * You know damn well that it wouldn’t! I said, facepalming. I’m not asking much, just, I don’t know, knock at the door, wait outside, like any civilised person would do it? You know, for maybe, prevent me to be surprised and have the time to put on some clothes? I said, blushing a little. 



Black tapped the couch on his side to invite me to sit next to him. I remained stubbornly standing. 

  * First, obviously, we don’t mind the absence of clothes. Second, you know us, we are spontaneous guys, so we didn’t think about come and visit you for days before we came, it was pretty much a decision on the spot. Also, pleeeaaase, don’t lie and pretend you’re not happy to see us, Meadowes. Come. Sit, Black commanded me.



I let out a sigh and went to sit with him. Even if it pains me to admit it, he’s perfectly right. I do enjoy the company, once the surprise’s pass. And now that I actually wear clothes... Potter put a hand through his rebellious hair as he always does, before talking to me. 

  * We knew you were alone here, he mentioned, perfectly serious, this time, for a change. 
  * How? I asked. 
  * Your grandmother told my mum at the farmers market before she left. I think she wanted to make sure you’ll be ok alone here by yourself, he said. 


  * Oh. Ok? So? As you can see, I’m perfectly fine, I said. 
  * I know you can be by yourself, silly. We wanted to keep you company, that’s all, he added. 
  * Oh. And what had you in mind? I asked, intrigued. 
  * We thought we could bring you back home with us. We’re having some friends over tonight. It will be fun, and we won’t have to worry about you, he suggested. 
  * But why would you worry about me? I’m not a child, I know how to take care of myself, I felt the need to repeat. 


  * I know you do. But, let’s not forget that this house is under a protection spell because your parents are targeted Aurors, he stated. 
  * Hm... I said, in search for another argument and failing. 
  * Go pack, he ordered. 
  * Pack? Why? I asked him. 
  * You’re staying with us until your gran comes back. You should send an owl to her also, to tell her, he said. 


  * Merlin. (I turned to Black) Is he always that bossy? I asked him. 
  * You know he is. You're in the Quidditch team, Sirius said, stating the obvious. 
  * So true, I agreed.



I turned back to Potter. 

  * But, your parents, they won’t mind? I asked. 


  * Of course not. They’re used to it, the house is always crowded with friends anyway. And they left yesterday for Egypt. Go. Pack, He repeated the order. 
  * Ok, ok, no need to rush me I’m going! I said, shrugging. 



While I was beginning to climb the stairs, Sirius felt the need to add something.

  * And don’t forget to pack that naughty pajamas! He laughed. 
  * In your dreams! I’m packing the ugliest pajamas I own!!! I shouted back, laughing to myself as I entered my bedroom. 



I heard those idiots laughing out loud downstairs when entering my bedroom to pack. Well, all that situation was... Unexpected. But, I must say, I was pretty excited about it. I’m not a solitary person. And the marauders were not exactly my favorite crowd (Lily, Marlene and Mary, our roommates at Hogwarts, are), but they were friends, they reminded me of Hogwarts and I was more than happy to enjoy the company. I wrote a quick letter to my gran telling her I will be at the Potters for the week-end, pack a couple of things and went back downstairs with my suitcase and Colonel’s cage. Potter and Black got up from the couches. Potter came closer, took my suitcase and cage and disappeared. Then, Black faced me and took me by my left arm and side-along apparated with me. We arrived in a very big and richly decorated living room. I turned around to admire it. Black let go of me and ask me to follow him upstairs to show me to my room. We walked along a long corridor and he opened the last door to the right. I entered the bedroom. So beautiful. Big. Enlightened. Cream-colored. Cozy. Love it! And there was a small bathroom in it, just for me. Potter had put my suitcase on the bed and was sitting on it. 

  * I’ll give you the tour before you unpack, so you can make yourself at home, James nicely said. 
  * \- Thanks! Your house is so huge I'm afraid to get lost, I laughed, but I was really a little concerned if I was being totally honest.
  * I know. It’s a very old manor, my dad bought it before I was born. There’s even a ghost in the attic. A crazy old lady named Polenia who’s always complaining about her husband who left her. Well, I don’t blame the bloke if she was this insufferable when she was alive... I think maybe I’ll skip that part of the house in your visit if you don’t mind...! He laughed. 
  * I don’t. There’re enough crazy ghosts in Hogwarts I’m not sure I need to meet another one, I said. 


  * Good decision. Come! He said, getting up from the bed and asking me to follow him. 



Him and Black gave me the tour of the gigantic Potter’s manor. There was a ballroom, a library who would convince Lily to date Potter (she was literally crazy over libraries), a beautiful garden who could make a magazine’s front page... There was also a team of 8 house-elves to take care of everything. Potter felt the need to add that the elves were well-treated and well-paid, information that satisfied me, I hate the way a lot of wizard family treat their house-elves. We didn’t have house-elves home, my mom was just paying for one free house-elf named Carryn who came each week to clean our flat. I must admit, all things considered, I was pretty happy of my actual living situation. Being with those two won’t be boring at all, and I’ll be well fed by house-elves and don’t have to try to be a cook, which I so am not. We had lunch and after we went separated ways, I went to place my things in my guest room for a while. When I was just finished, I heard a light knock on the door. 

  * Come on in, I said. 



Potter entered the room with a letter in his hand. 

  * This just arrived for you, he said, pointing the letter. 


  * Oh okay. You can put it th... I began to say. 
  * It’s from Lily, he added, clearly insisting that I took it right away. 



He was clearly all excited about it. I couldn’t believe how much he was after her. She was so lucky to have someone like James who care that much about her. I often wonder why she just won’t give him a chance. I’m sure he can be a very suitable boyfriend. Since last year, that is, when he became less of an idiot and gained a little maturity. But she seems to be less and less opposed to it from what I can read between the lines. She’s not openly saying it to me, but I do know her a lot. 

  * Right. Thanks, I said, taking the letter from him with a smirk. 



I opened it and sat on the bed. He stayed there, looking at me. 

  * How is she? He couldn’t resist to ask me. 
  * Calm down, James, give me a minute to read it! I teased him. 



Hello Dore, 

Very happy for you that you had some company! Didn’t know Remus can play Quidditch? And it’s ok for Potter. I mean, I can kick and scream about it, wouldn’t change anything would it? I have a couple of weeks left to get used to the idea that I’ll spend that much time with him during my final year. You must think that I’m becoming very mature, right? I just don’t see him the same way anymore, I think. Tunia is over the top for her wedding these days and I think that makes Potter look better. I mean, how crazy can a woman be two days before her wedding? I need to get out before I go crazy myself! Maybe I’ll date myself tonight in a movie theater or something, a little me-time should help my mental state. I’M COMING IN 3 DAYS! 

Soon, brunette! 

I raised my eyes to meet James’s. 

  * So? He asked me. 
  * Same old. Bored to death, her sister’s crazy, need to get out before she turns crazy herself. Also... I began to say. 
  * INVITE HER HERE! He shouted. 
  * What? I asked. 


  * Tonight! Invite her here tonight! He said, overexcited. 
  * But... Why? She’ll never agree to that, I stated the obvious. 
  * She needs to get out of the house, may I remember you that we’ll have some friends over tonight? The little get-together? Would be perfect! He said, sure of his idea. 
  * Right. Though, still very uncertain she’ll agree to come here of all places... I said. 
  * … Maybe... Oh! I know! I’ll invite McKinnon and Mcdonald too! With the four of you here she’ll agree to come! Won't she? He asked me, full of hope. 


  * Hm. Maybe. I don’t know James... I frowned, still uncertain of his plan. 
  * Pleaaaaase Meadowes, do it as a favor for me! He pleaded. 
  * Hm. Let me think what I can gain in return... OH. I know. I said, having a great idea. 
  * I don’t like it already. Fine, what can you possibly want? He asked me. 
  * Simple. I want to know about your little summer project with Black, I said. 


  * Done! You chose badly, we have wayyyy better secrets than this one. Come! He said, taking me by the arm. 



While following him downstairs, I made a mental note to add to my bucket list to discover everything there was to know about those mysterious blokes. There were some pretty fishy things going on with them. For instance, Lupin. What is it about is health condition? He missed school couple of days each month. It sure was a medical condition, because there’s no way he would put himself in this situation if it wasn’t. I mean, he’s married to the school, he even likes professor Binns, the most soporific teacher/ghost I’ve ever met. I nap most of the time in his class. I’m very lucky that Lily gives me her notes or I would have had a T (Troll) in History of magic. Then, there’s also the weird nicknames, is this just silly inspiration coming from inside jokes or is it more? My gut tells me there’s more to it. Something that I was sure of, they know everything about the castle, and I want them to share this knowledge with me. I could use secret passageways for when I would need to fetch a book at night to finish a last-minute homework, that would diminish my chances to get caught by Filch and/or his horrible cat. And on top of it, all the pranks planning was very interesting. They don’t often get caught, but everyone knows there’re responsible for nearly all of them. Well, for now, I was just a little excited to finally share a secret with them. Sorry Lily, I traded you! (Well, she can always choose not to come, can’t she?). We went outside the manor in direction of what looks like old stables. James opened the door and made a ridiculous reverence for me to enter. 

  * Oi! Pads! Bring you a visitor! He exclaimed cheerfully while entering. 
  * What? I heard Black said from the farthest corner of the stables. 



I went this way to find him lying on his back directly on the floor under a strange black and metallic engine. 

  * What’s this? I asked, totally intrigued. 



I heard him knock his head at the sound of my voice. 

  * Outch! What on earth are you doing here? James? He asked. 



He pulled himself from under the engine and got up. He was messy, his usually cleaned and smooth hair were going in every direction, he had black stains over his white t-shirt, his jeans and also over his left cheekbone, where he must had tried to push back a lock of hair and forgot that his hands were dirty or didn’t care... 

  * Don’t be mad? I’ve traded this secret for a favor. Anyway, she kinda lives here at the moment, she would have seen it sooner or later, he explained. 


  * And what's the deal? Hope it’s worth it? Sirius asked me. 
  * I’ll ask Lily to come here tonight, I said, smirking to him, knowing too well that he would be disappointed. 
  * Prongs? So selfish, mate. I gain nothing out of it, he pouted, insulted. 
  * Oh, come on Prongs, it’s not that bad, it’s not like it’s that big of a secret! He said. 
  * You’re right. But Meadowes, you don’t tell it, I mean it. Because it’s not completely legal? He explained. 


  * Of course, I’m not telling anyone. Now please, tell me what this is? Is this a muggle thing? I asked, shoving him out of my way to have a closer look. I sense him at my side before he spoke. 
  * This is not a thing, Meadowes, show a little respect. This is a motorcycle. And yes, it’s a muggle engine. 



I was about to touch it and he prevents me to. 

  * Don’t touch her, he warned me.
  * Her? I asked, frowning. 


  * Yes, her, he simply repeated. 
  * You know this is not a girl, right? I asked, mocking him. 
  * I hope you don’t fancy Sirius, Meadowes, because you don’t stand a chance against her, she’s the love of his life! Mocked Potter. 



Is everyone in my life going to tease me with Black for the rest of my days? Starting to get on my nerves! 

  * Pleeeease don’t be ridiculous, Potter, I said, rolling my eyes at him. Where did you get it? I turned back to Sirius to ask. 


  * Bought it a couple of weeks ago and working to add some magic in it. You can ride on it, it’s loud and fast. Very different than a broom, it vibrates a lot, for example... The downside is that you have to stay on the ground, he explained. 
  * Oh. Really? Would be great if it could fly... I said pensively. 



He stopped his admiration for the engine to look at me, smiling. 

  * Good point, actually, that’s what I intend to do. That’s what I’m working on at the moment, he smiled at me. 
  * How? Can I help? I’m good at Charms... I said, eager to help. 


  * Well... He seemed to think about it. 
  * Hey guys? Remember me? Meadowes, you have to fulfill your part of the deal! Demanded Potter. 
  * Oh. Right. Later, Black, I said with a little regret.
  * Later, then, he replied. 
  * I want to try this, soon, I added. 


  * I’ll give you a ride one day, maybe, he said, grinning. 
  * I was more thinking about driving it, actually, I added, pushing my luck.
  * There’s no way on earth that I’ll let you drive her, he said. 
  * We’ll see, won’t we? I teased him. 
  * In your dreams, he grinned. 


  * I have better use of my dreams than to waste it on you, I said back. 
  * Still lying, I see? He said with a crooked smile. 
  * Okay, okay, you both are so annoying!!! Meadowes, are you coming or what? James impatiently said, while pulling me by my arm towards the exit. 



Sirius wave me goodbye and turned around and went back under the engine, and, with a last glance at him I followed James outside. 

  * You should not put your hopes up, he never let anyone drives it. Even me, I had to stole it to be able to try it alone... He mentioned, smiling at the memory. 


  * Oh. Good idea, Potter, Thanks, I said with a mischievous smile. 
  * Merlin, I can be very stupid sometimes, he said, facepalming. 
  * I know, right? Anyway, be back later, bye! I said, preparing to disapparate.
  * Wait, wh...



And I disappeared, to reappeared seconds later in front of my friend Marlene Mckinnon’s house.


	4. Of Friends and Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A girl's afternoon before soiree at Potter's Manor

** Chapter 4: Of friends and jealousy **

I took a look around me, my friend Marlene was living in such a nice surrounding, on the countryside. Her house was far from the road, at the end of a beautiful alley surrounded by tall and thin trees. I always were a city girl myself, but I couldn’t deny that the wind through my hair and the smell of flowers surrounding me were very nice, and poetic. Also, since I was at Hogwarts, I was becoming half- citygirl and half- countrygirl … Re-focusing on Marlene’s door, a beautiful red colored one, on a pretty white house, I thought about what I was going to do. My strategy was to invite them first, so chances of Lily agreeing to come will be better this way. I know our other friend, Mary Mcdonald, is here for the week too, Marlene write to me nearly every week. I knocked and Marlene herself came at the door; her parents were apparently at work. Her mother works in a  Diagon Alley’s boutique where they sell witches beauty products. I know those, pretty good stuff, Marlene have plenty and we all use them at Hogwarts. His father worked at the Ministry of Magic in the justice department. Mary’s parents are like Lily’s, aka muggles. They did tell me what they do for a living, I just don’t remember because I don't know a thing about muggles. Lily tried for years to convince me to take Muggles studies at Hogwarts, in vain. Marlene’s face immediately illuminated when she saw me. She’s so beautiful this one, a tall golden blond with a smile to make men fall at her feet. And, I have to say, she knows it and isn’t afraid to use it. She broke a lot of boy's hearts, but she’s a good friend to me, she’s funny and kind (well, most of the times, she happens to not be what you call a morning person!). Mary was like her opposite, short, raven hair, pretty shy and not at all as easy-going as Marlene. It was a good match, though, because they were very close friends. 

  * Dorcas! 



We hugged and she let me in. 

  * To what do I owe the pleasure? Hey, Mary, look who’s here! 
  * Dorcas!!! So nice to see you! 
  * Hi girls! Good to see you too! Actually, I came to invite you to a get together at Potter’s manor tonight, I said.
  * Really? How is it that the invitation is from you and not from Potter himself? Oh, I sense a good discussion, should I make some tea? Marlene asked. 



Marlene’s always excited about good gossip material. I didn’t planned well, because I don’t want to tell the story two times in a row... 

  * Right... Then, wait for me a minute, would you? I’ll go fetch Lily too, so I won’t have to repeat myself. 
  * Oh good idea! Go, I’ll make tea. 
  * See you in a bit. 



And I apparated in front of Lily’s doorstep and ring the bell. I looked behind me, hoping nobody saw me appearing out of thin air in this muggles neighborhood. Luckily, there was no one in the street at the moment. Also, the door was behind a couple of trees, so it was not that risky. We have to think about those things when we’re surrounded by muggles, something I’m not use to. I hope it won’t be Petunia who’ll answer. We don't get along that well. She’s a total bitch and I’m not the one to stay silent when someone isn’t nice with me, and so, I’m often fighting with her. I’m in luck, Lily herself opened the door. 

  * Dorcas! I don’t understand, we’re you not supposed to come next monday? She asked, frowning. 


  * Yes, but... I began. 
  * Nevermind, soooooo happy to see you. Please save me, she pleaded. 



We hugged for a bit before I explained myself. 

  * That’s exactly my plan. Leave a note, I kidnap you for the rest of the day, I said, sounding mysterious. 
  * Weeeee! Wait a minute... Accio pen and paper! She casted with her wand. 



She wrote a quick note for her parents and came back. 

  * So? Where to? ANYWHERE is literally better than here, she sighed. 
  * Very glad to hear this. I’ll remind you this sentence later on today. Come, I said, taking her hand. 
  * Wh...



We apparated back in Marlene’s kitchen. Lily was very happy to see them both and there was a very noisy appreciation of our reunion before we sat in the living room with tea and ginger cookies. Marlene took a sip before she turned to me. 

  * So. Dorcas. Care to inform us how come you're inviting us to a soiree at the Potter’s? She asked me. 



Lily cough a little on her cookie before speaking. 

  * You what now? She exclaimed. 
  * Yeah. Long story short. Lily knows the first part since I wrote about it to her, but here it is: You remember I’m living at my gran’s? Well, it happens to be near Potter’s house. It begins with me in the garden hearing Potter’s ridiculous laugh. He and Black were playing Quidditch in the clearing next to my gran’s, I explained. 
  * Oh, really? Nice! Did you play? Asked Mary. 



Mary sucked at flying and Quidditch, but she’s a super fan of the team, if not our #1 fan. 

  * I did. Remus joined us for the teams to be equals, I said with a smirk. 
  * Oh. Remus, eh? She said, raising a eyebrow. 
  * Yeah, he sucked, but he tried! I laughed.
  * Okay, girls? Can we get to the point? Pressed Marlene. 


  * Yes, sorry, I said. So, after we ate pie with my gran, and they left. Then, yesterday my gran head south to her sister’s because she got very sick. What was not my surprise to find Potter and Black in my living room when I got up today, I said. 
  * What? Why? Interrupted Marlene. 
  * Potter’s mother saw my gran before she left and told him I was all alone. And those imbeciles decided to come unannounced and wait for me to wake up, in the living room. Oh, Merlin was it awkward...! I finished, with a hand over my forehead. 
  * Why? Asked Mary. 
  * I was wearing a t-shirt. Only a t-shirt, I stated. 


  * They saw your undies? OH NO! Mary said, looking horrified. 



Marlene was laughing hard, and Lily had a hand covering her mouth. 

  * It was a big t-shirt, so I think that no... But it was a close one... I laughed. 
  * And what did they say? Mary asked. 
  * Potter was very bossy. He said that I should stay with them until my gran returns so they won’t have to worry about me being all alone and everything. So, I packed and went with them, I said. 


  * That’s very thoughtful of them, said Mary. 
  * So you saw the manor, then. Marlene concluded. 
  * You went there? When? I asked her, she never told me she went. 



She extended her legs over the coffee table and crossed her arms, with a naughty smile. 

  * Couple of times at the beginning of summer. Had a little thing going on with Sirius, she explained. 



Wait, WHAT? Have I heard it right? I might add, Marlene is a very outgoing girl. She’s gorgeous and she surely takes advantage of it with boys. She’s very charismatic and fun, and she likes things simple. She’s like our mentor for relations with boys, because she did experience a lot (and we didn’t). But we don’t take relationship advice from her though, because she’s not really the relationship type of girl. I can’t believe she didn’t tell me about Black. Surely Mary knows, they’re very close those two. 

  * How come you never told us? How did that happen? I asked, a little too curious about this for my taste. 



I tried not to pay attention at the little stings in my heart and show a real interest for a story I’m not sure I really want to listen to...

  * Oh, because it was nothing really. I ran unto him on Diagon Alley. We spent an afternoon together and one thing leading to another... We snogged our heads out not long after and we saw each other sometimes. I didn’t tell you because it wasn’t that big of a deal. I wasn’t in love, and neither was he... I mean, he’s hot, I wanted to know him better, you know... We saw each other something like 3 or 4 times and that was it. 



Why do I want to be anywhere but here at the moment? It’s  weird, I clearly want to change the subject and at the same time I would like to know all about it. Clearly something’s wrong with me. 

  * And did you... you know? Asked Lily
  * Did we shag? Yup. T’was fun, she said, blasé. 



She was so uninterested. Like it was nothing. For her it nearly was. But the three of us, Lily, Mary and I, we didn’t do it, so we always were a little horrified when she dropped a bomb like this on us. Meaningless sex, I mean. Lily eyed me with an arched brow and I realised that maybe I had a strange facial expression. I took a sip of tea, trying to look casual. I felt very weird at the moment. Like my inside was slowly squeezed and the air escaping less easily from my lungs... What’s happening to me?

  * So... Where were we...? Ah, Dorcas, you were telling us you went to Potter’s manor, said Marlene. 


  * How big can it be to call it a manor? Replied Lily



At this moment I pushed away mental images of Black and Marlene together and turned to Lily, very relieved that everything going on inside me wasn’t obviously showing in my face. 

  * Very big. I mean, Lily, you would marry James just for the library. I mean, it’s huuuuuge. 


  * Really? All these occasions to date me were lost by him not mentioning the huge library? Men are real idiots. 



James sure wasn’t very good at asking Lily’s out. He was loud and embarrassing and Lily doesn’t like getting that kind of attention. We could have helped him, but where’s the fun in that? Seeing Lily telling him (or screaming at him really) that he’s the last person on earth she would date was clearly a good entertainment. 

  * Good thing you want to see it, Red. Because you’re invited, all of you are, for a little friend's reunion tonight at James’s, I told them.


  * Well, I don’t know...? Said Lily
  * Oh, COME ON Lils! Drop it already, he’s a good gal, I know it, you know it, let’s have some fun PLEAAAASE! I’m so boooored, Marlene insisted dramatically. 
  * Also, may I remind you that you said to me earlier that you would rather be anywhere than home because of your crazy sister, I add, smirking at her.
  * I suppose I can try... She hesitated. 
  * Whouhouuuu! Party at the Potter’s tonight! The folks are there or not? Marlene asked, always the practical one. 


  * Nope, they’re in Egypt, I answered her. 
  * Oh great. We’ll prepare here, I’ll fetch a bottle of Goblin wine, added Marlene, getting up. 
  * Ok. I guess I should tell Potter...? I asked. 
  * Oh! Use the dining room chimney, pointed Marlene. 
  * Ok, coming back, I said, going to the dining room. 



Entering the dining room, I spotted the big ornate fireplace. I took Floo powder and put my head into the green flames, calling Potter’s manor. I saw the big living room and there wasn’t anybody there. 

  * Hey? Someone’s there? I shouted. 



I saw by the living room’s door that someone was coming down the stairs. Black came by the fire. Oh. I wish Potter heard and not him. I can’t erase from my brain the fact that he and Marlene... 

  * Hi, Meadowes, where are you? He asked me. 
  * At a very good friend of yours, Marlene, I answered. 



Why on earth would I say that? I need to shut up. Like right now. 

  * Right, I guess she told you, then, he said, with a small smile. 
  * She did. Anyway, just wanted to tell you that I will bring the girls tonight. See you later, bye, I said, before removing my head from the green fire. 



I kind of cut it short, didn’t I? I guess it’s better than saying stupid things concerning Marlene. I went back with them, they were now in Marlene’s bedroom, going through her clothes to find something nice to wear. She did have a lot of clothes. She’s used to us stealing things from her. We’re not at all the same size, but we do know how to use magic to adjust it to fit our body. Me and Lily were  kinda the same size, but Marlene was taller and thinner than us, and Mary was the smallest of the group, but she did have more curves than all of us also. 

  * Black says hi, Marlene. I said, trying to be casual about it. 



She laughs and threw a dress in my face. I looked at it. It was dark red, with a laced white collar and it was ridiculously short. 

  * You don’t seriously expect me to wear this? I was this close to showing my undies to Potter and Black this morning, there’s no way I would wear a dress in which I can’t move or everybody would see them! I snapped. 
  * Oh, calm down, silly. You know I can manage to make it longer for a prude like you. I do think that you would look good in it though. Try it! She said. 
  * I hate dresses, I pouted. 
  * I know, you won’t shut up about it. Trust me, try it on, she insisted. 


  * I’ll try it just if you pour me a glass of this, I said, pointing the Goblin wine bottle on her bedside table. 
  * I was planning to bring it at the Potter’s, but why not, I guess they have plenty of booze...! _Accio glasses!_



And four wine glasses arrived in the bedroom and we caught them and tasted the delicious sweet wine. One of the things I love about the beginning of adulthood is the wine, it’s pretty good. After finishing my drink, I felt a little more light-headed and took the damned dress and put it on. I served myself another glass before I went in front of the mirror. Well... It was definitely way too short, but apart from that it was actually a good fit. The dark red color suited me well with my pale skin and my dark brown hair. I saw in my reflection the girls approaching from behind. Marlene cat-called me. 

  * So, told you, right? I knew it would look good on you! She said, clearly pleased.
  * I have to admit that I may like it. But it’s way too short, please do something about it...! I asked her. 



She let out a loud sigh and then pointed the dress with her wand and it gained a couple of inches longer. 

  * Thanks, Lene, I said. 



She rolled her eyes at me in response. Lily chose an emerald green long-sleeves dress in which she was stunning. But she always was. Her red hair, fair skin tone and vibrant green eyes were sometimes making me jealous. I mean, adding the fact that she’s such a great person I would date her myself if I wasn’t a girl, and not at all attracted to other girls. Instead she was my soul-mate-friend. I know it’s cheesy, but that’s what it is. Marlene wore a pretty petite robe noire and Mary objected against dress and wore a pink blouse and jeans. By the time we were ready (we took our time, emptying two bottles and eating snacks), Marlene’s mom was back from work and came to greet us. She’s a really great mom, she didn’t even say a word about the empty wine bottles and wished us a great night out. Me and Marlene decided to side-along apparate with the other girls because they never went at Potter’s. Lily ask me to apparate directly in the library. Once arrived, she didn’t even take a look around. Instead she took me by the arm as I was moving away from her. 

  * Are you okay, Dorcas? She asked me. 
  * What? I answered. 


  * You know. Marlene and... She began.
  * Oh, yeah. Totally fine. I said, avoiding her gaze. 



She looked me in the eyes intently. 

  * Don’t lie to me. I know you, Dore. We joke about this and all, but I do know that he doesn’t leave you indifferent at all, like you pretend he does. I saw your reaction when she dropped this bomb on us. She added. 



Damn, this girl knows me too well... 

  * Ok, then. It does. It does bothers me, a little. Happy? I said, pouting. 



The wine was making me a little too talkative for my taste. 

  * Of course, I’m not happy about this. You know it meant nothing, right? Marlene, she doesn’t... She began.
  * I Know. The problem is, the image won’t leave my brain now... I said a little sadly.
  * Yeah, I understand, even if it means nothing, they did...


  * Yup. But, Lily, once were at it, serious conversation and all, can I ask you something? I asked her. 
  * Yeah, sure... 
  * If we’re being totally honest, right now, at the moment, do tell me, Lily. How do you feel about Potter?
  * I honestly find less and less reasons to not date him. To tell you the absolute truth, we wrote to one another during the summer. I’m kind of not unhappy to see him tonight, actually. But you’re changing the subject. Will it be ok? Do you want us to go elsewhere? We still can ditch this party, she said, ever so solidary. 
  * I’m fine, really. It bothers me, but I’ll manage. It’s not like he’s into me or something. I’ll get over it... Do you... Do you think Marlene really don’t... I dared to ask. 


  * We never know with her, right? You should tell her though, that it bothers you, she’s your friend, you know, she said. 
  * I... Don’t know? Maybe another day, I told her, not ready at all to even talk to this with somebody else. 
  * As you wish, Dore. So... You were right, this library is amazing! She exclaimed, finally looking around. 



We spent  a couple of minutes there before we finally got out to join the others.


	5. Of Pouting and Booze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soiree with the marauders, and too much to drink... 

** Chapter 5: Of Pouting and Booze **

There were voices coming from the kitchen and music from the living room. We headed for the kitchen first, hearing Marlene’s laugh this way. As we entered, she was pushing Black and laughing loud. Oh great... She saw us coming.

  * Girls! Where were you? It took you forever! Marlene said. 



Black turned around and looked at us. His eyes seemed to linger on me for a bit. I guess he’s not used to see me in a dress, I never wore those. 

  * Hi, he said to us.



My eyes crossed his, but just for a second, and I nodded a little to respond to his salutation.

  * Hi, Sirius, Lily said to him. I just wanted to take a look at the library, Lily replied to Marlene. 
  * You dork! Nevermind, here, take those, she said, pouring us drinks. 



I focused on Marlene giving us two glasses of  Firewhisky . Lily seemed to sense my uneasiness.

  * Come, Dore. Let’s see who else’s is here. Later, you two, she said, taking me by the elbow and turning around. 


  * Wait, I’m coming with you! Marlene said. 



We went in the living room, where the other guests were. Mary was there, talking with Peter Pettigrew. Potter, who was laughing with Remus near the fireplace spotted us and smiled. He and Remus came to greet us. 

  * Hello you two (he said, only looking in Lily’s direction) Very happy you came, Lily.
  * Thanks for the invite, she said, with a shy smile (A SHY SMILE? Woah, this is new) Hey, Remus, she added, turning to him. 
  * Hi Lily, Hey Dorcas, he greeted us warmly.



Is it me, or his gaze also lingered a little on me? My  my , should I wear dresses more often? Didn’t mind the attention, I guess. I smiled at him and followed Lily who was now sitting in the big cream-colored couches. Before he sat, Potter raised his glass.

  * Very glad you came, you lot (he once more not subtly at all eyed Lily), let’s make a toast! 
  * To what? I asked. The growing war? The killings? I said gloomily. 
  * No, Meadowes, we know all about that, thanks miss-party-pooping! This kind of friend's reunion is exactly to forget about Voldemort, yes, I dared, he said to us, particularly in answer from Marlene and Mary’s gaping at the mention of the name. So, let’s just make a toast, to simples and importants things: To us, to our last year at Hogwarts, and to the Quidditch cup we’ll win again this year! He finished, scowling at me in defiance. 
  * Sorry, James, you’re right about that one, I said, raising my glass. 


  * And to Meadowes finally admitting I’m a genius! He said, clinking his glass to mine. 
  * I DIDN’T SAY THAT!!! I shouted while everyone toasted cheerfully, and James continued like he didn’t hear me. 



We all toasted together, I took a sip of the burning liquid before I replied to Potter. 

  * In any case, good thing we’re that good at Quidditch, because no chance we’ll win the house cup because of you lot, I teased them. 



The boys exchanged looks and laugh. 

  * Trust me, Meadowes, totally worth it, said Black. 



I didn’t look at him or reply. Which is rare, I’ve always had a good repartee, especially to snap against Black. But I’m  kinda pissed at him, and being so, I’m super-pissed at myself because of my childish attitude. This situation shouldn’t affect me. Why is it affecting me? Marlene cough hard after her sip of  Firewhisky . I emerged from my thoughts and looked at her, mi-choking, mi-laughing at the same time. I sense somebody was looking at me and I returned my gaze to Black, who was sitting next to Marlene, and eying me with a puzzled expression. I cursed him again in my head before returning my attention to Marlene, who was now laughing hard. 

  * James, you have to do better than this, this is burning like hell in my throat. She said, pointing her drink. Don’t you have wine? Cider? Hydromel? Anything, really, except Firewhisky? 
  * Of course, oi Pete, come with me. 



He left with Peter, surely heading for the basement, where the family kept the good bottles. They came back not long after with goblin wine for us ladies (and Peter, who wasn’t that fond of  Firewhisky either). It was a great night, it reminded me Hogwarts weekend nights but without the annoying younger students to bothers us. It  kinda makes me sad actually, that it was  Hogwart's term for us. As I watch them laugh and having fun together, I realised it’ll be our last year. We sure would have to make the best of it, meanwhile we have to work very hard for the NEWTs if we want to have a career after...  As I was laughing with Lily, James came to sit in the small space between  us .

  * Potter, maybe we were having a private discussion, here, said Lily, but nothing in her voice or attitude was showing real annoyance. 
  * About how wonderful a human being I am? He asked us.



I  facepalm at  that .

  * We have way better subjects to talk about than that, Lily replied. 
  * Oh ? Like the fact that you're so very excited to work with me as Head girl this year ?


  * Excited ? Depressed would be a more accurate word to describe how I feel about it, Lily said.



Remus went to sit on the  armrest at my left. 

  * Still arguing those two ? He asked me with a grin. 
  * What else would they do ? They don't know any other way to communicate, I said, smiling, and remembering what Lily said about letters exchange between them, but to my surprise, Potter didnt't brag about it.
  * You know pretty well, Moony that the more we fight, the more we're passionate about one another, James said, winking at Lily. 



I couldn’t prevent myself from thinking about Sirius and me, also arguing most of the time. Lily took me out from my head by answering James. 

  * Hate is a pretty passionate emotion, indeed, said Lily, making me laugh. 
  * Oh come on, Evans, admit you're in love with me, already, Potter tried. 
  * Stop saying absurdities, and pour me some wine instead, she demanded to him.



But I know her, as he  called an  Accio on the wine bottle, I saw that she was blushing.  I turned to Remus, to try to gave them some kind of privacy. 

  * You wanna bet that they make out tonight ? I whispered to him.
  * Interesting. How much ?
  * A galleon ? I said. 
  * Deal. He smirked. If it would really happen, I would definitely be happy for James and that would be a good investment. 
  * True, those two idiots deserves each other, I said, before turning back to James. Potter, my glass isempty, I said.


  * Me fancying your best friend doesn't give you the right to be bossing me around, he said, pouring me wine still. 
  * You’re not fancying me, you just love to annoy me, that’s all, Lily said. 
  * Hasn’t it cross your mind that it could be both? James askedher. 



I  took a sip of the  marvelous wine, and  I subtly looked at Sirius  over my glass.  He was barking of laughter at something Peter said. Marlene was still sitting at his side, chatting with Mary, who was sitting next to Peter, on  the blue carpet on the floor.  Marlene  must have sensed my gaze on her, she  looked back at me. 

  * Dorcas, come here, hon, she said, patting the couch next to her, aka offering me to squeeze myself between her and Sirius. 


  * I'm pretty comfy, here, I said. 
  * Don't make me _accio_ you, come, we need to talk. Something serious, she added, grinning. 



I  looked at Sirius, who stopped talking to Peter and was looking back at me.  Rolling my eyes, I downed my glass, then took Potter's bottle  to pour  myself  another one, then gave him back. He didn't mind, t o o  in fatuated by Lily, who was trying to set some ground rules with him for their new Hogwarts position as Head boy/girl.  Remus went towards the kitchen a minute ago also, so considering I was beginning to be the third wheel, I accepted  Lene’s invitation . I got up and crossed the living room to reach  the others. Instead of  squeezing myself next to Sirius, I chose to do like Remus earlier and  sat on the armrest next to Marl ene. 

  * So, what is it ? I asked her. 
  * Oh. Nothing, we just wanted you to come to leave those two lovebirds alone, she said, winking at me. 


  * I'm boooored, I heard Sirius complaining.
  * And what are you suggesting we do ? Or are you only able to complain about it ? Said Marlene.
  * We should go out, he suggested. 
  * Where ? Mary asked. 
  * We could go at this muggle place… Oi, James ? He said, looking at his friend. Remember the loud muggle place we went couple of weeks ago ?


  * Hum… yeah, it was downtown London… A nightclub called… Vertigo.
  * But you remember where it was ? It was fun. 
  * Yeah, I do, why ?



Sirius got up from the couch.

  * Because we're going. Come on, people, let's go, he said, pressing us. 



Marlene, clearly willing, got up, clapping her hands with enthusiasm. She took my arm for me to follow her. We took our coats and went outside. We called the  magicobus , not risking to  apparate while intoxicated, as we were still beginners. It arrived a moment later and we went in. There were beds, because it was getting late. I was the last one to enter, and the bus restarted as soon as the door closed in my back, stumbling forward pretty hard, making me loose my balance and fall right on Sirius ‘ lap, who caught me easily in his arms. 

  * Sorry, this damn bus, I mumbled while getting up immediately. 
  * It was my pleasure, he said, you can stay if you want, he smirked at me. 



I took no notice of the invitation . Not looking back at him, a little mortified, I went to Mary, who kept a place for me. The  magicobus left us in a dark alleyway close to a very busy street. We all hid our wands in our magically enlarged pockets before going out in a muggle neighborhood. We followed the boys for two blocks, until we reached a place where there was a long line of young muggles waiting. Sirius, not wanting to wait, told us to follow him, and I saw him discreetly pointing his wand to the big man blocking the door. Sirius was very good at silent casting, and I guessed he used a  confunding charm on the poor muggle, because he didn't react as we entered the nightclub, even when the others in line shouted at him for letting us pass. We entered a dark, cramped with people, very loud muggle night club. There were people dancing all around, some round tables surrounded by black leather benches, there was a long bar with a lot of barmaids serving muggles drink to the crowd… I've never been to a place like this in my life and was pretty thrilled. 

  * I'll find us a place to sit, shouted Sirius to us, going towards the nearest table, crowded with peoples. 


  * Pads, what are you gonna do to these muggles, began Remus, following his friend with a resigned smile. 



I saw Sirius and Remus going to meet the group, talk to them, then  the group got up and left the table.  We went to  join them . 

  * How on Merlin did you manage to make them leave? Marlene asked him, as we were seating ourselves. 
  * Just a wee _obliviate_ , and told them they were running late to somewhere else. 
  * How is it that you're not a Slytherin, again ? Ask Marlene.You’re a naughty one. 


  * Because I chose not to, he shrugged.
  * I'm going to get us drinks, said James. 
  * I'm coming with, said Lily, because I'm pretty sure you don't have muggle money.
  * Oh. Right, hesaid. 
  * It's fine, I have plenty, Lily mentioned. 


  * I'm giving you all back in galleon, I swear, said James.
  * I don't care, she said. It could be my treat.
  * Soooo. Buying me a drink, Evans ? Trying to seduce me ? James asked her with a grin. 
  * Oh shut up, James, she said, taking his arm and dragging him toward the bar. 



The fact that she used his surname for once didn’t escape me. They came back minutes later with two pitchers full of red liquid. Lily told us it was cranberry-vodka,  yet I had no idea what vodka was, but it tasted nice and fruity, so I didn’t complained. James had an amber-colored bottle of something called Whisky, so I guess it was similar to Fire-whisky, minus the fire, obviously… After a couple of drinks, Marlene insisted we go dance, so I reluctantly followed her with the girls on the dance floor. The fact that I was more an more drunk was making dancing less painful than I expected, though. It was quite all right, actually. The boys came to join us and we danced for a while, laughing and doing silly movements, trying to copy what the muggles were doing around us. The fact that the boys surrounded us girls was nice also, because it kept other boys away from us. Except for Marlene, who danced pretty close with a tall red-head muggle for a while. I had to admit, I was kind of glad she was not dancing like this with Sirius. Really glad. After a while, I went to the loo, all the drinks beginning menacing to explode my bladder. As I was coming back, I walked in front of the alley going towards the boy’s toilet and what was not my surprise to see James, furiously kissing Lily. They didn’t saw me seeing them, of course, so I didn’t linger and continue my way toward our table, with a gigantic smile. Then, as I was reaching our table, the group was still dancing, I guess, the fact that I clearly abused of the good things downed on me and I felt too warm, unbalanced, and nauseous. Clearly, I had to go outside for some air. Sirius arrived at the table at this moment, looking at me. 

  * Hey, stranger, he said to me. 
  * I... I was on my way out, need some air, I said, ignoring his insisting stare. 
  * Great idea, I’m coming with, he said. 



Unable to find a good reason to prevent him to, I just nodded and took my coat, heading to the back door, hearing him on my steps. I opened the door, and let out a sigh of relief as I breathe in fresh and chilly air. It certainly helped, but  nevertheless , I was still feeling like the world was moving a little, and I leaned my back against the wall, and closed my eyes. Oh. Big mistake, it was spinning like crazy when my eyes were close. I opened them again, to see Sirius facing me. 

  * So, Meadowes, what’s your problem? He asked me. 


  * What? I answered, playing dumb.



In fact, I knew fully well what he was  referring to . I pouted at him all night. Usually, we’re not like best buddies or anything, but we interact more than that. And I never miss an occasion to debate  with him  or tease him. I do realise that I maybe always gave him a lot of attention. Maybe too much. Well... It’s not a surprise that he saw that tonight I wasn’t giving him any. Maybe he’s just spoiled. Or I’m just too much unto him... Why am I always overthinking anything when drunk? Can my brain mute for a second or what?  It’s so annoying. And it surely doesn’t help the spinning feeling neither. 

  * You tell me what. What’s going on? You’re avoiding me, he stated, bringing me back to earth. 
  * I don’t, I said, choosing tostay in Denial Land. 
  * Meadowes, just tell me what’s going on. You didn’t look or speak to me for the entire evening. Like you’re mad at me for some obscure reason. Are you mad?


  * There’s nothing going on. You’re just not the center of my universe, that’s all, I pouted.



There’s no way on earth I’m telling him that I’m jealous of Marlene. Because, that’s what it is, isn’t it? I wish it was me, I guess. But there’s no point. It’s done, it wasn’t me, and now it feels awkward between us, because of me. I  kinda don’t know how to get out of this situation. He’s observing me at the moment, his gaze fully focused on me. 

  * What changed between earlier and now? You’re obviously giving me the cold shoulder, since... (He stops, looking like he’s thinking it through) Since you got out to bring the girls here... 



I’m literally burning. I can feel my face changing color.  I need to retreat or something,  befor e he really found out what this was about. And I trust he can, the bastard’s really brilliant.  And, is it because my brain is spinning that the alle y spins too? I had a big nausea. Oh. No. Is it possible I abused this much?

  * I… I don’t feel well, I just said, thinking about where I could go to escape him. 



Thing is, he was blocking the way further in the alley, and I could just not go back in, I feel like I could be sick any minute…  Clearly eviting to look at him, I tried to focus my gaze onto something who’s not moving. Thing is, everything was moving at the moment. I had another nausea. Much bigger than the first one. Ok, if I don’t go now, I think I’m  gonna barf on Sirius. 

  * You should go. I think I’m gonna be sick, I said, trying to make him leave. 
  * Well, of course, I’m gonna leave a drunk girl here, all alone in a dark alley, good idea, Meadowes, he said, mocking me. 
  * Please go. I’m not a defenseless g... I began, before I felt that I really was to be sick. 



It happened pretty fast,  I vomit  near the brick wall. In all that spinning mess  taht was my brain, the thought that  I was so very happy that I decided to wear my hair up tonight. Because, let’s face it, they would be cover in barf if not . It didn’t last long, but I for sure was living the most humiliating situation of my life. Being sick in front of Sirius Black, of all people. I think I want to dig a hole and bury myself in it. Maybe I’ll come out of it one day. Maybe. 

  * Well, way to go, Dorcas, he said with a smirk. 



My drunken brain noticed that it was the first time he called me Dorcas. I  kinda like the sound of it coming from him. I got up from my leaning position. I faced him, wanting to disappear right now. He searched in his jeans pocket and took out a cloth handkerchief and gave it to me. I took it and wiped my mouth with it. 

  * You can keep it, you kind of ruin it anyway, he laughed at me. 


  * Please, can you leave me alone, so I can die from the embarrassment? I said with a very small voice. 



Not listening to me at all, he took out his wand, making my disgusting vomit’s puddle disappear. Feeling very weak, I leaned again against the wall, closing my eyes. He will go eventually. Meanwhile, I will rest a little here. The coldness of the brick wall was pleasant, and it wasn’t spinning anymore in my head. I was just really  really tired. I wonder if I would be able to call the  Magicobus to go back home. Or more, at James’ home. Well, anywhere really, where I could rest in a comfortable bed. 

  * Okay, drunk ass, I’m bringing you home, I heard him say. Give me a minute, don’t move from here, you heard me? 
  * Hmmm... 



I heard him enter the bar. I opened my eyes and looked for a place to sit during the waiting. There was an old rusty staircase going up the building. I walked to it and sat on the third step, leaning my head on the brick wall. I felt like I was cozy enough to fall asleep. I closed my eyes again. I heard the door open again. 

  * Hey, beautiful, I heard a voice said. 



I opened my eyes with difficulty, looking at whomever spoke to me. He was the tall guy dancing with Marlene earlier. He was coming my way with a smile.

  * What are you doing here alone, he asked, coming closer. 
  * Bugger off, I manage to say. 
  * Hey, just want to keep you company, he said. You look tired, maybe I can accompany you back home? 


  * No thanks. 
  * Come on, I have a pretty comfortable bed, he said, now standing in front of me, he put his hand on my thigh and with his other hand he took my hand to try to get me up. 



A distant alarm signal resounded faintly in my head. The jerk was clearly  insistent . I thought about taking my wand to get rid of him, but it was in my right pocket, and he was holding my right hand at the moment. I fumbled with my left hand to try to reach my right pocket, som ething not that easy in my state of drunkenness and exhaustion.  The door opened i n his back and Sirius appeared. I saw him look at the jerk with a deep scowl. 

  * Stay away from her, he growled at the other guy. 


  * Hey, sorry mate, didn’t know she was taken, he said, releasing my hand, putting his hands in the air in a capitulation gesture. 
  * Right, you often hit on half-unconscious girls? Pretty decent bloke, I see? He replied, elbowing him harshly in his way to me. Are you okay Dorcas? 
  * Yeah, I’m fine, I whispered. 
  * Go away, now, he growled at the red-head, who went back in the nightclub immediately. 



I was thinking about  snapping Sirius about the fact that I can take care of myself,  something I would ordinary do, but I knew that somehow, maybe I wouldn’t have manage that great without him . He took my hands and got me on my feet . He passed his arm around my waist to steady me.  I thought about telling him to  keep his distance from me, but  I was so tired, so bloody tired.. . Instead I made the opposite, I leaned more unto him. 

  * We’ll go to the end of this alley and call the magicobus, he said. 
  * Hm, was all I could manage. 
  * You know what, I don’t dislike the drunk version of yourself, more obedient, less sassy. 
  * You like my sassiness, I managed to replied. 
  * Damn right I do, he said.



It felt like he was smiling, like I knew it just by hearing him. I know it’s weird. I know I’m wasted.  I didn’t want to open my eyes to check. I  wanna sleep right there, right now. 

  * Are you really that unable to walk? He asked me, as I was slowly dragging my feet as best as I could. 
  * I’m tired, stop rushing me. 



I leaned some more against him,  and realised that he smelled very good. There was something like a very nice perfume odor lingering somewhere near his neck. 

  * Do you wear perfume? You smell good, jerk. 



I hear d him laugh, this time, and the movement shake me a little because I was glued to him. 

  * No, I don’t. You’re just smelling my after-shave. And why can’t you just plainly compliment me, without adding an insult? 
  * Because, you annoy me. Like, all the time. 
  * Do I, really? Even at this moment, when all I do is taking care of your drunk ass? 
  * Even there. I did ask you to leave me be, and you’re annoyingly staying. 


  * First, you say that, still, you’re glued to me at the moment. Second, don’t thank me for getting rid of a clearly not legit asshole, and also, for missing a pretty decent evening to take you home safely. 
  * I would have jinx him, he was just a lousy muggle without a wand. 
  * Are you just really not capable of saying thank you, Meadowes? He said, sounding a little irritated this time, so I decided to stop pushing it. 
  * … Thank you. 
  * Well, never thought this day would come. 


  * Don’t get use to it, though. 
  * I wouldn’t dare. Okay, we’re here, he said. 



I opened my eyes again, to see him take his wand and call the  Magicobus .  I thought about what he said. He’s right, he’s pretty decent with me at the moment, and I was being a stubborn spoiled brat in return. 

  * I’m sorry for being a pain in your ass, right now, I said, with a small voice. 
  * Well, at least, now you speak to me again. Even if you call me a jerk when I’m super nice with you. 


  * Are you thick? I said you smelled good! Isn’t it a compliment?
  * That’s your way of complimenting someone? This is weird. Let me try, then. You’re a good-looking pain in the ass, he said, still grinning.
  * …
  * See? 
  * You just saw me throw up. I can’t be good-looking right now, I said.


  * Yeah I know. I meant in general, not right now, no. You look like shit, he felt the need to add.



I punched him on the shoulder. 

  * Getting better, I see! He laughed.


  * Not really... I’m exhausted. I just wanna sleep it off... 



The  Magicobus arrived at this moment. 

  * Well, good timing, your bed just arrived, milady. 



We got in, and I crawled in the first bed I saw in the bus. Sirius paid and went to sit next to me. 

  * Goodnight, drunk ass, he said. 


  * Shut up… I managed to answer, my eyes already closed and my mind already drifting unto sleep…




	6. Of Hangover and Shame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An awkward hangover 

** Chapter 6: Of hangover and shame **

When I opened my eyes again, it was very bright in the room, clearly, I forgot to close the curtains before getting to bed. Then I  remembered. T hat I don’t remember nothing  at all  about getting to bed, there is. It felt like my heart was pounding in my head and I was craving for water like a vampire was craving blood. I sat in the bed and the room moved a little, I guess I moved too fast for my hangover body... I got up more slowly and headed to the bathroom. My reflection in the mirror depressed me. My hair were going everywhere, my eyes were glossy and were having dark circles under them ... I took the glass next to the sink and appeased my thirst. Then, I took a handful of water and wet my face with it. I pu t some on my hair too, to try and discipline them, and failed. Okay, so let’s try and remember what brought me unto this horrible state today... 

Hm. I guess it all  began with Marlene telling us about her  shagging Sirius. Even today, I wish she could take that back, tell me it’s a joke or at least, just not tell me at all...  I’m sure it would’ve been better if I just didn’t know about it. D enial looks like a much better place to be, painless. It’s my first time ever being a stupid jealous teenager and I hate it. I hate that I don’t feel like seeing one of my best friends at the moment (aka: Marlene). I hate that I have to face the fact that surely, I kinda have feelings for Black, or I wouldn’t be feeling like crap. I particularly hate this fact, because I just don’t want to be another stupid Black’s groupie he would play with and throw not long after. I know he’s not that bad. But he’s quite popular, and it’s easy for him to get girls, I just don’t want him to “get me” and be laughed at afterwards. I don’t want to be another name on his list of conquests. Me, plain stupid me,  unexperienced and surely naive me . I wish my stupid teenager’s brain would have pick better. You know, a nice guy, for instance. Not cynic, pranking, never-serious and super popular stupid Sirius Black.  Also, maybe that wouldn’t be a problem at all, because, maybe he doesn’t want me this way neither. Just to think back about his short-relationships with stunningly beautiful girls is hard on my self-esteem. I hate all of this. 

But how can I possibly make it better? I remembered being sick, I think... Was Black there? I kind of had a blurred memory about him, but I’m sure of nothing... Oh. Did Lily kissed Potter? Or was it a dream? Is she back home or did she come back here? I'm gonna investigate about that. Maybe after a very gigantic glass of water, though. I realised that I was still wearing yesterday’s dress. I removed it and put on jeans and a warm and comfortable dark purple jumper. This manor was amazing, but the fact that it was ancient resulted in many cold drafts, a little bit like Hogwarts. After brushing my teeth, and  putting my hair in a messy bun on top of my head,  I exited my room and went backstairs. I went first to the kitchen to hydrate myself properly, then headed to the living room with my glass. Arriving there I spotted Potter asleep on one of the couches and snoring, but for his defense, not a very loud snoring, more a I’ve-had-too-much-to-drink kind of snore. Why is he sleeping in the living room, though? He must have heard me coming, because he turned and opened his eyes. Seeing me, he smiled. 

  * Hey, Meadowes. Good morning! 



Hum, he looks like he’s in a marvelous mood, so the kissing theory is more and more believable. He stirred and sit up on the couch. 

  * Morning. Why are you sleeping on the couch? Don’t you have a room? 
  * I do. But it’s taken. By Lily. 



I can see, with his facial expression, that he’s dying to tell me why. 

  * Lily’s sleeping in your bedroom? I’m guessing that me seeing you two kissing last night was real then? I was wondering if my drunk brain was playing tricks on me... 
  * You saw us? Yes, it’s very real! Best night of my life! 



He’s so happy. And stupid jealous me who have difficulty to be happy for them, who am I since yesterday? I don’t recognize myself and I don’t like my new me at the moment. Hope it’ll past, and fast. I forced a smile, because there’s still a good person somewhere in all that mess.

  * It’s great, Potter, about time, actually! I exclaimed. 
  * And what about you? Pads told me he was getting you back here yesterday because you were too drunk. 
  * Hmmm... I guess. Sincerely, this is all a blur at the moment. 
  * Well, you’ll have to manage booze better. In my case, I remember everything, and it was awesome. I just kinda hope it wasn’t the goblin wine and she’ll not go back to hate me in the morning... He said.
  * She never hated you, you annoyed her, that’s all, I snidely commented.


  * Very reassuring, thanks. 
  * You’re welcome! 
  * I was about to give you my miracle potion for hangover, but now I’m not, he said, getting up.



He got up wearing an evil smile and headed to the kitchen. I followed him. Merlin do I need this potion. I could give anything to leave this state, my head hurts horribly, my stomach  was upside-down and my motricity saw better days. 

  * James. I’m sorry, Lily told me you’re the man of her dreams, please give me a potion, please, please! 



He went to the sink and filled a glass of water before he turns to face me, smirking. 

  * You’re pushing it! He laughed.
  * I know! It’s because I’m desperate! What can I offer you in return? I really feel like crap, I complained.
  * You look like crap too. 
  * Very nice of you to agree, I said, vexed. 
  * I’m joking. You do not look THAT BAD. But you had better days. Fine, I was going to give you one anyway, because I’m a decent person. You can tell this to the amazingly gorgeous best friend of yours, whose amazing perfume will stay in my bed for days, he said dreamily. 


  * Ok, stop deliring and give me the damned potion, I said. 
  * Merlin, you’re so not nice, girl. 
  * I am, sometimes. But right now I’m totally hangover and it gives me the right not to be. 



Rolling his eyes at me, h e took his wand in his back pocket and casted an Accio. Seconds later, two small vials arrived in the kitchen. He gave me one, we opened them, banged them together with a “cheers”, and drank it. It tasted disgusting, something like rotted eggs. But I felt immediately better, like I woke up any other day after a good night sleep. 

  * Okay. Potter. I want this potion recipe. 
  * OR... You just need to quit drinking, he mocked me.
  * Good idea, but, you know, it’s our final year at Hogwarts... I argued.
  * I know. We’ll see, you’ll need to be very nice with me, he teased.


  * I can do that. 
  * I highly doubt that. 
  * But it’s not my fault, you’re SO ANNOYING all the time! I complained, grinning. 



At this moment, Remus came to join us in the kitchen. 

  * Morning! He said, greeting us.
  * Hey! How is it that you look in better shape than us? I said. 
  * It’s because he doesn’t drink. He’s a bore! James felt the need to add.
  * Well judging by my state yesterday and this morning, a very very wise bore, I replied.


  * Would you please stop talking about me as if I wasn’t right here listening to you idiots? And Dorcas, you look fine to me... he added.



Is he blushing or it’s me? Potter clapped him in the back before grabbing an apple from a bowl on the counter top. 

  * Thanks to my potion. You would’ve arrived two minutes earlier and you would’ve thought otherwise!



I slapped him before taking an apple for myself too. 

  * Oh. James must like you, because he doesn’t share those potions with everybody, he remarked.
  * Of course, I like her. She’s Lily’s best friend AND she’s good at Quidditch. What’s not to like? James said, while ruffling my hair.
  * Stop it!!! I said, slapping his hand away from my hair, and good to know what my most important qualities are! I said, offended. 


  * I would add that you’re nice and clever, Dorcas, said Remus.
  * Nice??? She’s like never nice to me, said James, incredulous. 
  * I told you, it’s because you’re annoying. Remus isn’t, I replied.
  * Well, you should date him if you love him that much, said James, winking at me. 
  * James, shut up, said Remus.



Is it me, or is  he blushing?  What was that? Why is Potter teasing Remus this way? Now that he had it with Lily he’s trying to match his best friend with me? I never thought about Remus this way, though. I guess he’s easy on the eye... And smart... And a very very decent bloke. But is it enough? I don’t know, I don’t feel butterflies... Are the butterflies necessary? Or are they growing with time? I’m so clueless it’s infuriating. Maybe I’m divagating and he’s just being sweet as he always is.

  * Oh. By-the-way, Remus, you owe me a galleon, I smirked at him. 
  * Oh, true that, he said, but I don’t have it on me, it’s in my vest, he said. 
  * You two bet on this? Really? Asked James. 


  * Of course, we did, I said. 
  * She got me, I knew you were making progress, but not that much, good for you, mate! Remus said, clapping him on the back. 
  * It’s my treat, then, said James, giving me a galleon. After all, the pleasure was all mine... 



Black chose this moment to arrive in the kitchen. 

  * Morning, sunshines! He greeted us.


  * Well well well, somebody’s in a good mood? Potter said. 
  * Why wouldn’t I be? You said it like it’s unusual, he replied falsely offended. 
  * Because it is, Remus answered. Usually you’re not up this early and you’re not talkable before breakfast, he added with a smirk.
  * I guess Marlene came back here last night, then? Potter asked, raising a questioning eyebrow. 



Black looked at me briefly before answering him. 

  * Nope. Like I cannot be in a good mood without a girl involved, he answered James.



I felt air returning back in my  lungs and realised I stopped breathing for a couple of seconds. 

  * Speaking of which. I’ll go and see to my guest asleep in my room. See you guys, said James. 



And James went out the kitchen heading upstairs. Remus also excused himself and left me alone with Black. I kinda felt relieved to know that Marlene isn’t here. I still haven’t figured out how to deal with this situation. I watched him as he was eating remnants of a pumpkin cake made by the house-elves yesterday. He swallowed a big bite and then looked at me. 

  * So, how are you feeling this morning, drunk ass? 



Aaaaand the part where he took care of me last night was real, I guess.

  * I’m fine. But I was hoping that I dreamt the part about you taking care of me last night. 


  * Why, does it occur often, you dreaming about me?
  * Please don’t flatter yourself, and if it was the case, it’s wasn’t at all romantic. I mean, I was sick seconds before! I pointed out.
  * I remember you telling me that I smell good, though. If this isn’t romantic, what is? He said.



He smiled at me with  his ridiculously adorable crooked smile of his. I got up to leave the kitchen, planning to dig a hole to hide in it. And then it came all back, my drunken souvenirs I mean, I guess it’s a side-effect of the potion.  I remembered the  insistent jerk, then me leaning on Sirius, the warmth and comfort, the delicious smell of him, and the usual arguing between us. And I remembered something else…  I turned back to him on my way out of the kitchen.

  * You telling me I’m good-looking, wasn’t it romantic too? 



He leaned against the counter and crossed his arms, smirking at me. 

  * Well played, Meadowes. I believe it was. 
  * But crap, even with James’ potion, I can’t remember anything after the Magicobus...
  * Because you were fast asleep. You actually snored, it was pretty elegant, he said, smirking. 
  * I don’t snore!!! I said, blushing. 
  * You sure as hell did, but it’s okay, you were cute. 


  * …. Hmpf… And, after that? 
  * Nothing special. As I said, you were passed out, so I carried you to bed. 
  * And that’s the end of it?
  * Well, if you really wanna know, just before I left your bedroom, you told me you were in love with me. 
  * I WHAT??????


  * Yeah, then we made out like crazy. 
  * NOT TRUE!!!! 
  * Of course it’s not, Meadowes, trust me, you would remember that, he said, winking at me and grinning, before he left the kitchen.



I can’t believe what a jerk he is!!! When he said I professed my love to him I thought I would faint. But if I would have thought about it for a second, I would’ve know that it wasn’t true. I know I have something for him, but love is a big word. Too big. Way too big. And the making-out part was absurd too, nobody in their right mind would kiss a girl who threw up half an hour ago. And he was so cocky about it, “ trust me, would remember that”… Hmpf… I need a bath, some peaceful, alone, burning-hot bath, I thought, as I was going back upstairs, still fuming because of Sirius. 


	7. Of Red and Prongs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another version of the night before... 

** Chapter 7: Of Red and Prongs **

I went up the stairs to my bedroom. I decided to try the gorgeous bath in the spacious bathroom next to my room. It’s three time bigger than the one I have at home and it has three copper faucets. I tried them and saw that the two spare faucets are for bubbles and lavender bath oil. I open them all and went back to my room to fetch clothes and my book. Once I'm comfortably immersed in the bath, I rethink about this oh-so-weird of a morning. Sirius was still very present in my brain, because of the annoyance and also because of the lingering feeling of being glued to him that I just remembered and that I want to rethink of. And why is he teasing me this way? Is he just enjoying making fun of me? Or is he flirting? But, at the same time, he was, or is having a ‘’thing’’ with Lene. This is all so confusing... And speaking of confusing, what was it with Remus? That was a little weird. The way he told James off when he suggested that we date, was it because he could really be... Considering it? He always was very nice with me, but I never thought it could be... More? How on heart did I pass to boringly and desperately alone in a sentimental desert to this? And by this, I mean, possibly fancying someone and possibly someone fancying me? And if it was not already a little complicated, I guess that the fact that those individuals are very close friends doesn’t help to keep it simple... I sighed loudly and immersed my head underwater. When I came back to the surface, I heard a knock at the door. 

  * Wait. I’m not done here yet! I said curtly, not wanting to be bothered. 


  * Dorcas? It’s me! Can I come in? I heard Lily say. 



I’m currently naked in the bath, but in a veeeeery bubbly bath, and well... We’ve been roommates and share a bathroom for years now, so it’s not like the four of us never saw one another at least partly naked. Marlene’s the worst, though. Shamelessly going around naked all the time this one. 

  * Okay, come! I gave her permission to enter. 



I heard a click as she  _ Alohomora  _ the locked door and opened it. 

  * Lock it back, please! I pressed her. 



She locked the door back and came and sit on the toilet seat. She smiles like a crazy person and I smiled back at her. 

  * Red, I already know the reason why you’re disturbing me during my relaxing bath, so go on, tell me everything...! I smirked. 
  * Well... Who would have thought...? She began. 
  * Oh, I would! I interrupted her. 


  * Dore, shut it and let me talk! She swat my hand while saying it. 
  * Ok, ok, merlin are you impatient! I pouted, but I smiled at her, ever so happy for her. 
  * -So, James told me you saw us last night... She mentioned. 



For a starter, her calling him James is very rare. And she took a pause, blushing a little, I guess remembering last night, before she goes on. 

  * So, I’ll tell you how it happened. You remember we kinda drank like, a lot, last night? She asked me. 


  * Did I remember... I’ll tell you my side of the story after... I facepalmed. 
  * Ok? Now I’m intrigued? You came back with Sirius, right? 
  * Yes. But now is your time to shine, not mine, Lily, go on, tell me! 
  * Right, so...



************

**_ Lily _ **

The music was playing loudly as I was getting back at the table to pour myself another glass, in order to try to bring down my body’s temperature’s a notch. Remus was  sitting  there, smiling at me. 

  * Hey, Rem, you don’t wanna dance with us? I asked him, sitting next to him. 


  * Nah. I don’t like dancing that much. 
  * One can’t just hear Freddy Mercury’s beat and not want to move with it! I teased him. 
  * Who’s Freddy Mercury? He asked me. 
  * Oh, no-one, just like, the best muggle singer there is! I replied casually. 



It always was funny to speak about what I considered ordinary stuff with wizarding world’s people. It often makes me feel alien, but I don’t mind at all. I consider myself so lucky to be part of this incredible world, this was just one tiny detail. To think that someone doesn’t know about Queen, a super-duper cool world-wide popular music band, or movies like Star Wars, or, you know, movies at all. I see that more like sharing two different cultures. Of course, some bad people think that the two worlds shouldn’t mix, and that the muggles are weak and useless... But this is a heavy subject that I refuse to think about tonight, while having fun with friends in a nightclub. 

  * I didn’t have the time to ask, you, do you regret not being Head boy? I said to Remus. 
  * No. I think this is Dumbledore’s last attempt at taming James, and I will totally enjoy having all the time off to study my NEWTS.
  * True, you’ll perform better than me, for sure, I teased him, elbowing him. 
  * Not sure about that, you’re bloody brilliant, Lily. 


  * Our little study group help me very much, you’re not abandoning me, right? I replied. 
  * Of course, I’m not. 



I saw James coming from the back door leading outside with Sirius, those two must have took some air. Brilliant idea, this place  was nearly suffocating. He was laughing hard with his more-of-a-brother-than-friend, as he always  was . Those two were forming quite the pair. It was kind of beautiful the  depth of their friendship, something I admired of them. At that moment, James turned his head in my direction and our eyes met. I felt a wave of warmth passing through my entire body as his lips turned unto a smile. He winked at me and followed Sirius back to the dance floor. I came back to earth at that moment, feeling somewhat dizzy. I could put that on the amount of alcohol ingested, or I could stop lying to myself and recognize the depths of the effect he now has on me. It was quite scary actually. He always loudly proclaimed his affection for me, but I always doubted about his sincerity, knowing how much of an attention whore he was. And now that I realised that maybe I love him back, I’m scared to be laugh at, or that all he ever wanted was for me to succumb and to be able to check that on his bucket list... 

  * Are you okay? You look sad, said Remus, always able to read me. 


  * I’m... James, is he for real? I asked him, allowing me to ask him about James for the first time.



Remus and me, we ’ve been  friends for a while now. At first, he dared sometimes ask me about how I felt about James. But at the time, James was a very irritating subject for me, and we decided to put a taboo on James’ name in our conversations , for our friendship's sake . After all these years avoiding the subject, Remus looked a little surprised that I would ask about him. 

  * Of course, he’s for real. He’s the best decent person I know. He’s a prankster and he’s always joking around, but one can only dream to have a more faithful and trust worthy’s friend. And he sincerely loves you, Lily, if that was the question, he finished, smiling knowingly at me. 
  * I... wasn’t asking that... I said, happy that the darkness of the room was probably hiding my blushing. Oh! I love this song! I said, recognizing _Twist and Shout,_ from The Beatles. You coming? I asked Remus. 
  * No, and I see Pete’s coming back, so I’ll keep him company, go on! 



I got up, finished my drink, and joined the others on the dance floor. Dorcas was trying to  mimic Mary’s twist dance move and was not that bad at it, actually! I went with her and showed her how to do it with the feet and all. As everybody were packed on the small dance floor, I  felt a hand brushing my right hip. When I turned, I saw that it was James, taking advantage of the fact that we were cramped together to make a physical contact with me. Looking unsure, he withdrew his hand. But in fact, I didn’t want him to stop. While dancing, I moved back a little to get back the contact with him. He looked surprised, at first, then I  felt  his hand brushing me again here and there, on my arm, my hip, the small of my back... His hand looked like they were unsteady, like he wasn’t sure he really could touch me. After another song passed of that sweet torture, Dorcas took my arm to talk in my ear. 

  * I need to go to the loo, she said to me. 
  * Right, later, I told her, while revelling in the sensation of James light touch on my back. 



Why oh why did I wait that long to try this? Better sensation I’ve ever felt in my life. But, I kn e w perfectly why. James changed a lot during the last year s , he’s more mature, grown up, and I must add, he gained in sexiness too... He never was ugly, of course, but he’s now tall, less skinny, more muscular than before, and I never before wanted that much to passed my fingers unto his rebellious hair. Before I could overthink this, I turned to face him. His expression was extremely serious for once. 

  * Come with me, I said to him. 



He nodded, still not saying anything, an d, frankly, it was a good thing, because  the very loud music was making communication difficult anyway . I made my way out of the dancing people and looked at where I could take him. I spotted a small corridor in front of the toilets doors and thought that this would do. I headed there, followed by James. My heart was pounding very hard, thinking about what I wanted to do. I reached the corridor, who seemed to lead to an “employee only” door. I leaned in the wall and raised my eyes to James, who was facing me. 

  * Go on, James, kiss me, I said. 



He looked stunned for a second, then I saw him moistened his lips, and it made me gulp at the realisation, once more, that this would finally happen. Merlin, it better be good, I thought, as he was cupping my face and brushing his lips on mine. Just this small contact between us sent a big electrical current through my entire body. I gripped his shoulder to bring him closer and for the kiss to deepen. I t was like everything else wasn’t there anymore, even the extremely loud music, people, sounds, corridor, everything just... Disappeared. My hand followed his shoulder blade and went on his neck, to reach his hair, which I gripped. He slipped his tongue in my mouth and I joined mine to dance with his. After a minute, he stopped and looked at me. 

  * Lily... 
  * What? I replied, out of breath and dizzy. 
  * This is... so... 
  * I know right, why stopping, then? I asked him. 
  * Good question, he said, kissing my cheek, then my jaw, my neck, as I revelled in the sensation of the kiss, and of my hands in his hair. 



He came back to kissing me and we lost ourselves in one another for a while before we were interrupted by a voice I knew well. 

  * Heum... Prongs? 



James stopped the kiss and turned back towards Sirius, who was smirking at us. 

  * Sorry to interrupt, mate, I just wanted to tell you that I’m taking Meadowes home. She’s a mess. In case somebody would wonder where we were.
  * Is she okay? I asked him, a little worried about my best friend. 


  * Yeah, nothing a good night sleep cannot fix. I’m leaving, you two, get back to... it, he winked at us before he left. 
  * Take good care of her! I said to Sirius' back.



James turned back to face me, with a dreamy smile. 

  * All right, where were we? He asked me. 



*************

** Dorcas **

  * How was it? You know, after all this time? I asked her. 
  * Good... Oh very good, Dore. Merlin was it good... She felt the need to repeat it. 
  * That good, eh? I said, smirking. 
  * I don’t know, I’ve kissed before, you know... But, it never, never felt this good. 


  * Ok, I get it, it was perfect! And then? 
  * Then, I don’t know, we kissed some more. Then we get back with the rest of the group, called the Magicobus... Then we splitted up, the girls going their way, Pete going home, leaving Remus and us... He was grinning at us all the way back, Rem, you know. But I don't mind it. After the girls left, James took my hand in his and I let him... So Pete and Remus know that something happened. After we arrived back here, he putted me to bed and went to sleep downstairs like a perfect gentleman, she shrugged. 
  * And how does it feel in the morning, sober? I asked her. 



She giggled, before putting her hand in the water and splashing my face. 

  * Hey! You’re lucky I let you in, don’t push it, Red! I warned her. 


  * He came to see me and he was all shy, bringing me a tea... I just smiled at him and then he asked me if yesterday meant something for me and I told him it did. And voila, I drank my tea, kissed him and came looking for you. Now you know everything, she concluded. 
  * So... Are you two lovebirds dating now? I asked. 
  * I guess. I don’t know. We didn’t talk about it, but I guess we do? 
  * I’m very happy for you, Red. You two deserves each other... 
  * Thanks.. And you? How was your night? She asked. I was a little worried when Sirius told us he was taking you back, he said you were wasted.


  * Well... It was not nearly as glorious as yours. I saw you, with Potter, by-the-way... I said with a smirk.
  * You did? 
  * Yeah. I was very happy for you. And drunk. Very drunk. How did I get to this point? Muggles cocktails are vile... 
  * I know, right? 
  * Actually, usually you’re my moderator! Where the hell were you? Oh. Yes, kissing Potter. 


  * Haha. Really funny. I just forgot my burden last night, I guess. I also forgot to stop myself, so... 
  * Never mind, I don’t blame you, I can assume it was my doing. Then, after seeing you two lovebirds snogging, I went back to our table and realised that I crossed a line with alcohol. I felt sick and wanted to get some air... Then Black arrived, and I tried to avoid him by going outside, but he followed me.
  * Well, it’s nice of him to not let you go there all alone. 
  * You wait, before you say that, because I would have preferred, he didn’t... So... He kinda confronted me, saying that I was avoiding him.
  * Well, you actually were. 


  * I know I was. He asked me why.
  * Did you tell him? 
  * Are you mad? Of course, I did not. Instead, my body decided right at this moment that I had too much to drink and that I should, you know, throw up the excedent. 
  * No?! 
  * Yup. I. Vomit. Litterally. In. Front. Of. Him. 


  * Merlin, how humiliating! 
  * I KNOW, can you imagine? I said, my hands covering my face from the shame. 
  * Well, this is nice of him, to look after you. 
  * I wished he hadn’t, though. That would have save me from the embarrassment. So... After the gigantic humiliation, he said he would take me home, and to wait for him, now I know it was to tell James’ about us leaving. 
  * Yeah. 


  * Then, another dude came outside.
  * Ah? 
  * Yeah, and he was offering I came back with him, which of course, I disagreed. I was trying to take my wand, something apparently hard when you’re wasted... Then Sirius came back and dismissed him efficiently, before he took me to the Magicobus. I slept from then and don’t even remember when he putted me to bed, so he said. 
  * Oh, you blacked out? She asked. 
  * Yup, completely. Anyway... this morning was also weird, I continued. 


  * How? 
  * James and I took a fabulous potion who dissolved our hangover. I mean, Lily, this guy is a pure genius. You have to brew some for us, I mean, because you’re the potion expert and I suck at it? I pleaded. 
  * I know you do. We’ll see about that later, hon. Go on. 
  * Okay... So, then Remus came by and James was acting weird, like he was teasing me with Remus? I’m not sure I understand...? Maybe I’m imagining things, too, I don’t know. 
  * Really? Is it James doing or Remus fancy you? 


  * I’ve no idea. And then, Black came, I learned that Lene didn’t stayed the night with him, for which I was relieved, I think? I feel like I’m a shitty friend at the moment, am I?
  * No. But I do think that you’ll have to eventually talk about this with Marlene. You know you do, right? 
  * I know... I just don’t waaaaant tooo... I complained. 
  * Dore, it doesn’t look like she cares about him, I mean, romantically. So, telling her that you fancy him will make her back off. That’s what you want, isn’t it? 
  * I don’t actually fancy him... 


  * Yeah, right. Continue to tell yourself that, maybe one day it will be true, right? 
  * Shut up! I don’t fancy him. The word is too big for what it is actually. I... I like him, a little? I said, unsure.
  * Merlin, Dore. As you wish, keep denying it for as long as you want to. What happened next?
  * James and Remus left.. Then Sirius tried to make fun of me earlier, telling me that I confessed my love for him and that we snogged. Jerk. 
  * But still, I don’t know, for him to tease you this way, make me think that maybe he’s interested, no? 


  * I don’t think so. He enjoys making fun of me very much, I don’t think that could mean something deeper, he just loves to make me mad. 
  * Well, I can’t disagree with that... But still...
  * Red, I really don’t think so. You know Sirius, always joking around, always flirting with every girl...
  * Not with every girl... 
  * Ok then, a bunch of them, though. 


  * Well, so, do you want me to ask James? You know, about Remus, or Sirius? Or both of them? 
  * WHAT? NO! Of course no, I swear if you say something about... I said, menacing. 
  * Calm down! I won’t tell, I was just asking! I already know that you like Sirius, but Remus? Do you like him? 
  * … I don’t know? 
  * Well, if it isn’t a no, it may be a yes? 


  * I... I mean, he’s so nice and all.. 
  * And good-looking... And a werewolf. 
  * WAIT, WHAT? Okay, I guess I should get out of my bath, before I make a heart attack and people have to rescue me while I’m naked. Turn around! 



She turned and I got out of the bath, taking a big towel to dry me off before putting on some clothes. Lily followed me in my room after and I close the door behind her. 

  * So, what the bloody hell??! I said. 


  * I thought you should know. In case you would think about dating him. 
  * But... but... what...? How? Since when do you know this? And why not telling me? 
  * I’ve figured it out last year, while we were writing that essay about werewolves in Defense against the dark arts. I’ve not told him I know, though, but now that I’ve figured it out, it’s quite obvious, actually. I mean, think about this for a minute, Dore. 



Indeed, it makes sense. He gets sick every month, now I can guess it happens around the full moon... He had scars, in his face, and I saw he have some on his arms too... 

  * But... How? How can he go to school? Does he go somewhere during his transformations? I guess Dumbledore knows, he has to... Does it hurt? Does he eat animals? Merlin, now I have a thousand questions. 


  * I see that you are curious. But you don’t seem afraid, are you?
  * Well... I don’t know. It’s like I can’t see him differently... He’s the nicest person I’ve ever met, I can’t see him like a... 
  * Monster? 
  * I don’t want to ever use this word when speaking of Remus. 
  * Yeah... Me neither... 


  * … I guess I’ll talk to him about this eventually...



There was a moment of silence between us, during which I thought about this incredible new information about Remus. Then, I looked back at Lily, remembering something. 

  * So, big day tomorrow, Lil? Finally, Petunia's wedding!
  * Yes. I need to go back pretty fast actually to help them with everything. But I donnnnn’t wannnnt toooo.... 
  * I know. Go. It’ll all be done soon. Then you’ll come back to me! I guess I’ll be back at my gran’s by then...


  * Well, anyway you’ll come and get me, right? 



And she got up from my bed and hugged me. I opened the door for her. 

  * Don’t forget your farewell to golden boy...! I teased her. 



She slapped my arm and wave me goodbye, before going downstairs. It was nice to have her around, I kinda miss her already. She’s the person who knows me best, who listens to me, doesn’t mind confronting me now and then... I read in bed for a while before I decided to go see what’s going on with the people I’m living with.


	8. Of Werewolf and Quidditch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Discussion with a werewolf and improvised Quidditch match

** Chapter 8: Of Werewolf and Quidditch **

When I arrived downstairs, I spotted Remus reading in the library on my way to the living room. I decided to hang out with him. 

  * What are you reading? I asked him as I plopped on the couch next to him. 



He closed his book and looked back at me with a smile. 

  * I’m trying muggle reading. It’s called _The three musketeers_. It is actually pretty good, he answered, showing me the cover. 


  * And what is it about? I asked, really interested. 
  * It’s funny, because it reminds me of my friends a little bit. It’s about four men who are enrolled in the musketeers, aka the king’s guard, kind of, and they fight and there’s a lot of secrets missions and treachery. 
  * But, isn’t it titled the three musketeers? Why then are they four and not three? I asked, frowning. 
  * It’s because the book is based on the adventure of D’Artagnan, who join three other musketeers, so three became four, he explained. 
  * Oh, ok. And why do they remind you of you lot? I ask, intrigued. 



I leant unto the cushions of the couch and made myself comfortable. It’s not the first time me and Remus had a discussion about books, since the two of us were bookworms. 

  * First, the obvious reason, a group of 4 friends linked by a tight bond. Also, because some of them reminds me of my friends. There’s D’Artagnan, who is a lot like James. Apart from the fact that he’s from a poor family. He’s the youngest of the group. He dreamed about being a king’s musketeer and he went to Paris to do so. He’s impetuous, fearless and arrogant. And he’s madly in love with Constance, a maid of the queen. 
  * Indeed, sounds a little bit like James…! 
  * And then, there’s Athos, he’s older than the other three, very wise and charismatic. But he has his demons who are torturing him inside.



Hm. Is it me, or it sounds a little bit like Sirius? With all his family problems which he seems to keep for himself and do as if it doesn’t affect him? I mean, even if his family is horrible, he grew up with them, it must be hard on him to flee and never see them again, doesn’t it? And the worse is, he has a younger brother, named Regulus, who is in Hogwarts, in Slytherin, and the two of them are acting like they don’t know each other. It’s very sad, actually… I’m interrupted in my thoughts by Remus. 

  * Dorcas? Still here? 
  * Oh. Yes, sorry. I was thinking that Athos have a lot in common with Sirius. 



He looked me in the eyes intently, and his smile seems to diminish. 

  * Yeah. You’re right. That’s what I thought too. And you didn’t even had the big picture yet. Athos turned his back to his past and run away from it. He was from a very rich and powerful family… 



Oh. So this Athos is pretty much like Sirius, then. 

  * And the other two? Can we find similarities with you and Pete? 
  * I don’t know. There’s Portos. He’s loud and extravagant, he aspires to be rich and powerful, and he has affairs with numerous rich ladies who helps him to get what he wants. 
  * Oh. Doesn’t match you or Peter, right? 



A small voice in my head tells me that part of it looks actually a lot like Peter. Not for the having multiples affaires with women part, or the loud and extravagant one, but I always thought that he was clinging to James to suck a little of his spotlight for himself… I decided to keep those thoughts to myself. 

  * I don’t think so… And finally, there’s Aramis, who was a priest and dropped it to became a musketeer. He’s studious, gentlemanly and he’s often the one who temperate the other three. 


  * That’s pretty much you. 
  * Is it? He replied with a smile.
  * You know it is. You’re brilliant, well-mannered and you know that if it wasn’t for you, James and Sirius would’ve got in trouble all the time. Like they deserved. 
  * I guess you’re right. And you, what are you reading these days? He asked me. 
  * Pride and prejudice. Also a muggle novel. Lily lend it to me. 


  * And what is it about? 
  * It’s about Elizabeth Bennet, a young lady who lives in a crazy-ass family. She’s the older of five girls, her mum is nuts, her father is... fine, I guess… The sisters are crazy, except for one... And it’s settled at the beginning of the nineteenth century so it’s a pain in the ass for the family to have 5 daughters, because no one can have the inheritance, they have to make at least one really good wedding to be able to sustain for the family when the dad would pass away. So, everyone is a little crazy about the idea of wedding, except for Elizabeth who doesn’t care that much. And then, she encounters a very rich and arrogant man and it’s seems to be about the relationship between those two. I’m at the middle of the story actually, so I guess I’ll know more later. 
  * And do you identify yourself like your Elizabeth? He asked me. 
  * Oh. No. I don’t know. I guess I can relate to her about the fact that she doesn’t hesitate to tell people off… But my life isn’t nearly as crazy and romantic than hers. It’s more James-Lily’s style. 
  * True. Maybe later they’ll write a book about it. 


  * Hm. 



We stayed in silence for a couple of seconds before I decided to confront him about what I learned earlier. 

  * Remus? May I ask you something very personal? I asked. 
  * I… guess? What do you want to know? 
  * … You’re a werewolf, aren’t you? 



He stood up from where he was leaning and his movement made his tea cup fall and shatters on the floor. I took my wand, whose I’ve dropped on the small table in front of the couch, and cast a  _ reparo _ to repair the cup. I took it from the floor and put it on the table. He was eyeing me with apprehensive eyes, like I would run off crying or something. 

  * You see, I’m not running away, now please sit down so we can talk about it? I reassured him. 



He obeyed and sit back on the couch, still looking like he was measuring my reactions. 

  * How… who…? He asked. 
  * Lily told me, don’t be mad at her. She knows you’re a very important friend of mine and that I wouldn’t tell anyone. It’s true, Remus, your secret’s safe with me… I said, putting a hand on his right arm. 


  * Aren’t you… scared? He asked me with a small voice. 
  * Why would I be? You’re not a wolf right now are you? I frowned. 
  * No, but… 
  * Remus, I know you for like what? Six years? You’re one of the most brilliant and kind young man I know. The fact that you change into a wolf once a month cannot change that. 
  * … 


  * How are you dealing with this, actually? With Hogwarts? 
  * I… Dumbledore knew about my… affliction. He arranged a safe place for me to transform and where I wouldn’t put anyone in danger. Because I could, you know? I could hurt someone. I could hurt you, he said, gently putting his left hand on mine.
  * I know, Remus, I’m not naïve. I know werewolves are deadly. But I also know that you would do everything you can to avoid that. So that’s why you’re often in the hospital’s wing? I asked him, a little uneased with his hand over mine. 
  * Yeah. 
  * Now that I know, could I go and visit you? 


  * Why would you want to? 
  * Because, Remus, as I said, you’re my friend and I care about you. And I know that being in the hospital wings can be very boring. 



I went a couple of times since I’m in the Quidditch team. The first time was after my first match against Slytherin. A bludger broke my nose. Then, I went for a broken arm, a broken wrist and finally, for a cracked rib. The matches against Slytherin are the worst, I think the only injury who wasn’t related to them was the broken wrist, and the poor Hufflepuff’s chaser, David Lennox, was feeling so bad about it that he came to visit me with flowers and pumpkin pasties. Lily came and visit me each and every time I went, but problem is, during classes she couldn’t. 

  * Well, in that case, feel free to come, I would enjoy your visit very much... 



He said that while not looking at me directly, and he look like he’s a little intimidated. Feeling awkward, I released my hand and putted both of them under my thighs. I’m not used to provoke this kind of reaction on boys, I think, this... I don’t know, shyness? I honestly don’t mind the attention, but I don’t know if I should, like, encouraged it or not? Do I want for our relation to go this way? If I compare with Sirius, using my rationality, I would say yes. Because, I’m at ease with Remus, he makes me feel good, comfortable, home... And with Sirius, it was all the contrary. I felt more... Challenged, shy, like I’m often walking on thin ice... And I don’t like that feeling that much... But if I was being totally honest, I kind of crave it, a little. It’s like choosing between a nice calm river or tumultuous rapids... I feel like getting closer to Remus would be easier, also, I’m not sure I want to be the moth who burns because it wants to get closer to the light... Well, I guess I don’t have to take a decision on the spot. And maybe I’m going crazy hallucinating that Remus’s unto me when he’s just being super nice with me. And I don’t even know if Sirius is interested in the slightest or just always messing with me for fun. At that moment, James’s head appeared by the door of the library. 

  * Are you two hungry? The lunch is served, he said to us. 
  * I sure am! Replied Remus, getting up from the couch. 



I stand up too and follow them to the dining room, where Sirius was already eating what looked like soup. There was also bread, cheese, vegetables and meat pies. I sat in front of Sirius, at James’s side, while Remus went to sit next to Sirius. 

  * You lot want to play Quidditch? We could organise a big game for tomorrow? With people from school? Asked James. 
  * Sure! I said, at the same time as Sirius said “Why not”. 


  * Do I need to? Asked Remus, clearly wanting nothing to do with this. 
  * Nope, but could you be our referee? I asked him. 
  * We could contact the others today and asked them to meet us tomorrow afternoon? Suggested James.



In addition to James, Sirius and me in the team, there was four more players. The Keeper was a fourth-year boy called Riley Davies, the other beater in pair with Sirius was a big guy our age whose name was Glenrick Stormwise. Finally, the other members of my trio of chasers were Hope Turner, a sixth-year girl and Jonathan Davies, Riley’s older brother who was also our age (but not sharing the same dorm than the Marauders). 

  * I’ll try contacting Davies, it’s easier since he’s in a wizard family, I’ll reach him with the chimney. 



It’s true that Hope is muggle-born and then, it can be harder to reach her out of Hogwarts because of it. We ate while discussing about Quidditch and school and then James got up and went in front of the fireplace, taking some floo powder and then putted his head unto the green flames, asking “Jonathan Davies home” out loud. We heard him inviting Jonathan. He got his head out of the flames and stretch his back.

  * So, is he coming? I asked him. 
  * Yeah, and Ri is too, he answered me. 



. He’s very nice, Jonathan, and our relationship is quite simple, since he’s not at all interested in girls (he prefer boys). It does make things simpler sometimes, I believe in girls’ and boys' friendships, obviously, but misunderstandings can occur from time to time, and in this case, it never. We are very good together on the field and he’s always been very kind and friendly towards me. Hope is okay too, I guess, but the fact that she’s clearly openly attracted to Sirius is kinda getting on my nerves.  A little. Well, quite a lot, in fact, if I’m being totally honest, here…

  * So, who else? _Accio paper, feather and ink_ , he casted with his wand. When it arrived, he gave it to me.
  * I guess that means that you think of me as your secretary? I asked, rolling my eyes. 
  * I do, don’t complain, it’s the laziest job, we’ll have to contact everyone while you’ll just write down.
  * I have one condition for you, sexist prick, I said. 
  * But you have the more beautiful writing! James said, to defend himself of the accusation. 


  * Your pathetic attempt to flattery won’t work, you know that he can rivalries with me on that, I said, pointing Sirius. 
  * I hate to write, I’m good at it just because mother forced us to take ridiculous writing lessons when we were kids… Said Sirius. 
  * Anyway, Potter, I’m in charge, right? 
  * You’re so annoying, he complained. 
  * Okay, now that this is settled, I said, without acknowledging his insult (anyway, I often return the compliment to him) if we count us three, plus the Davies’ brothers, we still need 9 more players, I said, while writing our player’s name on the list. 



_ Quidditch improvised match _

_ Dorcas  _

_ James  _

_ Sirius  _

_ Riley  _

_ Jonathan  _

_ Hope _

_ Glenrick _

  * So, for the rest, we’ll pick from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw’s teams? I asked them.
  * We clearly aren’t inviting the snakes… Said Sirius. 


  * Right, so, we need to contact Hope and Glenrick first. James, try Glenrick with the Floo, I’ll wrote to Hope, since she’s in a muggle family. We’ll have to go fetch her, tomorrow, because she can’t apparate yet. Black, you’ll go. 
  * Why me? 
  * Because, she’s part of your fan club, she’ll be thrilled, I mocked him. 
  * I don’t have a fan club, he pouted. 
  * Riiiight… Then, this being settled, let’s make the rest of the list… I said. 



We finished the list, then I wrote to Hope, and to three other muggle-born players from other teams, while the boys were contacting players from the Floo.  By the end of the afternoon, we had all the  players we needed for tomorrow’s match. After dinner, we went separate ways, I, for my part, wanted to read in bed, still tired after yesterday’s big night. 

I was  lazily lying in bed the morning after, not wanting to lea ve the perfectly comfortable gigantic four-poster, when I heard a knock at the door. 

  * Yeah? I said. 



The door opened on Sirius. 

  * Still in bed? It’s bloody eleven already, you lazy girl, he said.


  * I didn’t ask you to come here, so if you just came to insult me, you can go back to where you come from, Black. 
  * Funny how sometimes you’re like the girl version of myself, he grinned. 
  * Ew, I said I wanted you to stop insulting me. How on heart are you comparing me to you? 
  * Waking up late and with a foul mood, my friends always describe me like that. 
  * … I’m not always in a bad mood, you’re triggering it, just by your presence itself. 


  * And here I was, coming to offer you to come try my bike with me, I guess I’ll ask someone else, or go alone… He said, winking at me, before he turned towards the door. 
  * Arf… Black, come back here! I asked him, taking off the bedcovers to get out of bed. 



He turned back to face me, with a smirk, hands in pockets. 

  * This is what you wear to sleep? This is boring, he said, looking at my red flannelette pajamas. 
  * Well, your fault, my usual t-shirt got spoiled by Potter and you. 


  * You’re no fun at all, Meadowes, he said. 
  * Sorry to disappoint. Now, out, I’m gonna get dress. 
  * Meet me at the barn, he said, before he went out of my bedroom. 



I took off my pajamas and put on a jeans and a cream-colored long-sleeves t-shirt. I took a dark red vest, thinking that it would be chilly with the wind. I went downstairs and out the house by the kitchen door. Sirius was taking the bike outside of the barn. He was wearing an ugly black helmet. 

  * Well, this look ridiculous on you, I said, pointing his helmet. 
  * Good to know, here’s yours, Meadowes, he smirked, giving me a replica of the absurd headgear. 
  * Nope. Not gonna happen, I’m not wearing this horror. 
  * You are, it’s part of the fun, it’s muggle-made. 
  * … Okay, but I’m driving, I tried. 


  * Hahaha, you’re a funny one, aren’t you, Meadowes? He laughed, while putting the helmet on my head and beginning fastening it. 
  * You can’t blame me for tryin’, I pouted. 
  * Stop complaining, and consider yourself lucky that I give you a ride. 
  * One day, you’ll let me try it? I pushed. 
  * Pretty unlikely, but who knows, he said, winking to me. 



He grabbed the motorcycles by the handles  and bring it closer to me . I was really excited to have a ride, even if he would be the one driving it. The fact that I would be sitting very close to him was making me forget a little about my discomfiture for the driving it myself part.  H e hopped on it, looking at me. 

  * You coming or what? He asked impatiently. 



I looked at the space remaining for me on the leather seat and thought that I would need to sit  veeeery close to him. I took place behind his back, then wondered where was I supposed to put my hands to not fall from the engine.

  * Hold on to me, Meadowes, or you’ll be ejected immediately! He shouted, because he started the motorcycle and it was making an awfully loud noise. 



I encircled his waist with my arms, not sure of myself. As he started to run it, I nearly  fall off , so I tied my hand pretty tights together to be sure not to fall. My face was pretty much scotched to Sirius’s back.  As we arrived on the road, Sirius stopped, I saw him pushing a blue button, making us disappear, then he pushed a white button and the motorcycle rose up in the air, flying. 

  * YOU DID IT? I shouted.
  * I’M ACTUALLY TEST-DRIVING IT AT THE MOMENT, he answered me, clearly excited. 



I pushed aside the fact that if it was not working properly, we would free-fall from the sky. After all, we have our wands and we know how to use them to not fall to our death.  I mentally noted the possible spells that would save my life, in case. After a minute, I decided to stop panicking over this and enjoy the moment. I love the exhilaration from flying, the resistance of the wind, the view from up here… 

  * THIS IS AMAZING!!! I exclaimed. 
  * IT IS, ISN’T IT? He shouted. ARE YOU COLD? He asked me. 
  * A LITTLE, YES, I answered, shivering. 



I saw him push ing on a red button and I sense a bubble of heat surrounding us right after. We flew over the surroundings for  a while, flying over the neighbourhood, aka fields, forests, rivers, little hamlets… It passed all so quickly,  and I recognized Potter’s Manor and Sirius began to go down this way, to my great displeasure. I wish this ride lasted longer, but I guess everything as to come to an end, doesn’t it? We landed in front of the house,  and Sirius took us back to the barn, before he turned off the engine. 

  * So, did you enjoy the ride, even if you didn’t drive? He asked, smirking. 
  * I did, actually, I loved it, I added, a little shyly. 
  * Well then, good... He said, seeming like he was a little awkward himself, or maybe I was hallucinating it. 



We saw Remus and James coming out of the house to greet us. 

  * Hey, Pads, did it worked? Asked James. 
  * We’re still alive, aren’t we? Sirius joked. 
  * I want to try it too! James said. 


  * I’m driving, said Sirius, coming my way to unfasten my helmet and giving it to James. 



They left a minute after, leaving me alone with Remus. 

  * So, how was it? He asked me. 
  * I want one! I said, smiling to him, as we were coming back inside. 



We waited for the boys while discussing in the living room. When they came back, we had lunch, then prepared for the Quidditch match, taking our stuff to the field while Remus would wait at the Manor for the players to come by Floo.  I was in the middle of the crowd of players in the field, waiting for everybody to arrive. 

  * Hey, Dorcas! I heard behind my back. 



I turned to  look at whom was calling after me, to see Diana Burke. She was a very talented chaser, in Ravenclaw’s team, and she was the same age as me. 

  * Hi, Diana. Had a great summer so far? 
  * Yeah. Boring, but it’s nice to spend time with my little sister, I miss her very much when I’m away. She’s coming to Hogwarts this year, finally! 
  * Oh, that’s great! 


  * And how about you? 
  * I’m staying at my gran, near here, for the summer, but I’m kind of staying with the Potters at the moment. 
  * Really? How so? 
  * My gran had to leave and the boys came to fetch me, not wanting me to be all alone in these crazy times… 
  * Well, very nice of them. It must be a little crazy to live with James Potter, though, isn’t it? She smirked. 


  * You could say that, but, I have to say, I’m not bored…! 
  * Hahaha, no, I guess not…! She said. 



James climbed the big rock to stand above the small crowd and for everybody to see and hear him. 

  * Welcome everybody to this little get-together for an amical match! He shouted.



The crowd cheered him up loudly. 

  * I suggest that we all blend together. I would need another team captain? Anyone? He asked, looking at the small crowd. 
  * Me! I want to have the chance to play against you and beat up your ass, Prongs! Sirius said loudly, laughing, as he climbed on the rock to stand next to him. 
  * You wish, pal! Okay then, so we split the players in two teams. First, the keepers... 



And the teams w ere made, I ended up in Sirius’ team , with Hope and Diana, who wanted to form a trio with me. We formed a close group to make a game plan. I was next to Sirius and, as the group was getting closer, Hope went to sneak herself between us. Of course. She smiled wildly at him, ever so subtle. He smiled back at her before he began to talk. 

  * Ok so, we know our opponents and their weaknesses. Duncan, you know what you have to do, catch the snitch, mate, as fast as you can. Meanwhile, Burke, Turner and Meadowes, you score, score and score. And don’t be chasing the spotlight and work with what you’re good at, right? You lot know that Meadowes is the best scorer. Burke, you’re the best to stole the quaffle, and Turner, you’re great to thwart opponents. So, it’s simple, Rivers stole the quaffle, pass it to Turner, and approaching the goal you pass to Meadowes, right? 



We approved the plan, even if I can sense that maybe the other two weren’t completely ok with it, I think it’s the part when he said I’m the best to score that was maybe the sensitive part. For me, I can say that I was flattered that he would think that. I know I don’t suck, but I had no idea he would think that I was the best of our trio. 

  * Perfect. Then, Davies, no need to remind you to prevent the opposite team to score our side? And Button, I’ll focus on protecting the girls, you follow Duncan and keep an eye on Davies? Ok then, let’s go!!! 



We cheered loudly and mounted our brooms. As I was going up, I moved closer to Sirius. 

  * You shouldn’t have said that I was the best to score, even if I’m flattered you did. 
  * I was just stating the obvious, he shrugged. 


  * The girls are a little vexed, and this is not good for their focus. 
  * Hm. You’re right, but, eh, never said I was a good team captain, I just want to beat James, he said, winking at me, before he went to nudge his best friend who was getting closer to us. 



Once up, the other team came to join us. Remus, who acted as our referee, released the golden snitch and the bludgers, before he came up to us with the quaffle in hands. James gave him a whistle also, so he can stop the play if needs be. He threw the quaffle in the air and went away to let us play. Diana catches it, came our side, give it to Hope, who avoided a bludger and bumped Jonathan aside. I went closer to the goals and she passed the Quaffle my way. I saw Sirius throwing a bludger the other way while I caught the Quaffle and threw it at the right ring of goal... And scored! My team yells their appreciation and the game continued. An hour later, the score was 90 to 50 for us, and 6 goals out of 9 were mine. But I was stressed by the fact that this little advantage for us would be nothing if James catches the golden snitch. So, while continuing to try to score, I surveyed the field to spot where Potter  and Duncan were at the moment. As I spotted them, I saw that they were racing towards the same place, I guess where the snitch was, and by the look of it, James was nearer than Duncan. I turned around to spot Sirius near me and I yelled at him. 

  * Sirius, Aim for James, NOW! 



He looked to where I was pointing and hurried towards James, hitting a bludger in his direction while getting closer. James narrowly avoided the bludger and continued, getting closer to the snitch. Sirius changed path, to catch back the bludger and tried again, and this time it worked, the iron ball hit James’s broom where his fingers were gripping it. James cursed loudly and lost his balance and changed direction because of the power of the bludger hitting his broom. Duncan passed him fast just in time to steal the snitch from under his nose. I crashed unto him yelling like a crazy person to hug him, only to be crashed in seconds later by a very loud and happy Sirius. I savored the sensation to be in his arms for a very short moment before the rest of our team joined our group hug. We went down hugging each other's, high on the adrenaline rush. A couple of seconds later, Sirius broke from our circle to go see if James’s fingers were okay. Remus was performing a healing charm on those and giving James a chocolate chunk to make him feel better. 

  * Sorry for this, James, I tried to aim for the broom only, he apologised.
  * It’s part of the game, mate, don’t worry. What a great game, wasn’t it? You lot want to come home? We could make a bonfire and hang out? 



Most of them agreed to stay with us and we all went back to James’ house. Lucky that I was living there, I went up to my room to take  a shower and change clothes . I also took the time to put some make-up on, something I rarely do, but tonight I was feeling like it. Then, I joined the others in the garden, where there was a big bonfire. I was looking at the crowd and wondering where to sit, when I heard Jonathan Davies calling me out. 

  * Hey, Meadowes, come and sit with me, he said. 



I smiled at him and took place at his side on a blanket. 

  * That was a great game, even if you beat us, he said. 
  * That was a great game BECAUSE we beat you, I winked at him. 
  * Don’t be cocky, Meadowes, usually, we win together, you know. 
  * I know, it was weird to play against you. 
  * I’ve heard a rumour, is it true that Potter finally got Evans? 


  * Yeah. She must be out of her mind, I laughed. 
  * I disagree. Potter is… yummy. 
  * I think I’m gonna be sick. 
  * How on earth can you disagree, are you blind? 
  * He looks good, but he’s one of the most annoying human being I know. 


  * You’re just being sassy, I know you like him. 
  * True, I totally do, I said, looking up at James, who winked at me in return, but he’ll never know, fighting with him is much more amusing. 
  * That something I love about you, he said. You’re spiked, but when we’re able to get a closer look, you have a warm heart, Meadowes. 
  * You think that’s why I’m still single, though? The spikes? 



He seemed to think for a minute. 

  * You’re single because you want to. 
  * Well, I don’t want to be with someone just to be with someone, if that’s what’s you’re implying... 
  * Exactly. One day, try to just have fun, without overthinking, right? 
  * It’s just, not me. 
  * Pfff, excuses. But, to answer your questions, I think that’s a good thing, your spikiness, because the man that will be able to get pass that, would be worth it, you know what I mean? 


  * I don’t know… I sighed. 
  * You know, I, for once, if I was not, you know, how I am, I would try to get you. 
  * You would? 
  * Of course, you’re freaking gorgeous and you look like you would… Keep things interesting. 
  * Oi, Davies!!! We heard someone say from the other side of the bonfire. 


  * Oh, I’ll be back, I cannot resist a pretty face, he said, going to Brian, a tall and, he was right, gorgeous Hufflepuff, one of the pair of beater of his team. 



We grilled sausages and other snacks on the fire as the sun was setting down. I was enjoying the bonfire,  still sitting on the blanket, when I saw Sirius coming my way and sitting  himself  by my side on the blanket. 

  * That was a good call, earlier, Meadowes. If you haven’t seen James we would have lost. 
  * Thanks. And if you haven’t aimed right, we would also have lost, I added. 


  * True, that, we do make a good team, don’t we? 
  * I guess we do. 



He raised a cup towards me, with a crooked smile. 

  * May I interest you with some goblin wine? He offered me. 
  * You know what? I think I’ll pass, thank you, I said with a smirk. 


  * Are you sure? You’re a funny drunk. 
  * Of course, you would say that. Since I blacked out and you made up crazy tales. 
  * Is it that crazy, though? You wouldn’t be the first one to fall under my legendary charm. 
  * I think I’m gonna puke again, I said, mimicking a nausea. 



He grinned at me before he took a sip of the goblin wine. At this moment, Hope arrived behind us and seated herself behind Sirius and began to massage his shoulders. He smiled and leaned a little against her, asking for more. Why does she have to be so... Obvious? Touchy? And also, why am I not more of those things? Not thinking entirely straight, I took Sirius’s glass and took a swig at it. 

  * Hey! You’ve changed your mind I see? He said to me, with a crooked smile. 
  * It was a good game, was it not, you two? Asked Hope, now massaging Sirius’s scalp, smiling. 
  * It was, I simply answered, not feeling chatty. 
  * Especially when you’d hit James, Sirius, it was so perfect. We won because of you! She added. 
  * It was Meadowes who gave me the hint, so it’s more because of her, actually, he said, looking at me. 



She turned to look at me with a frown. 

  * Oh. Nice call, Dorcas... Still, to tell and to do it isn’t the same thing, right? 



I scowl at her and she had a sly smile towards me, before she began massaging his back, still looking at me. At this moment, I realised that maybe my facial expression was obviously showing the fact that I wish she wasn’t there with us, and it looks like she wanted to rub it to my face. Not wanting to continue in this direction with her, I took another sip from the cup, gave it back to Sirius and then stood up, before I would say something stupid. On my way towards the house, I fetched a bottle and bring it with me. 

  * Dorcas?



I turned around to see Remus, who was sitting on a marble bench alone. 

  * Why are you here all alone? I asked. 
  * I was with Diana, but she went to the loo. Are you okay? You look pissed. 
  * … Do I? I asked, wondering why I couldn’t hide it better. 
  * Pretty much. What’s the problem? Sit with me, would you? He demanded, patting the bench at his side. 



I obliged and sat next to him. I can’t tell him why I’m pissed. First, it was silly and immature, second, I didn’t want anyone to know about my idiotic feelings for Sirius, especially not him. I took a swig from the bottle in my hand, feeling super-pathetic. I really needed to try to act more mature , but I was annoyed, and there was nothing I c ould do about it at the moment, except to drink or to hide, or both.  I’ll try maturity when I’ll reach adulthood, for now I’ll stay a  silly teenager acting out. 

  * It’s nothing. I’m just tired, I think, I said with a small voice. 
  * You can tell me, Dorcas. I won’t judge, he insisted. 



Oh crap. His hand is on mine, like  he did yesterday . I looked at it and then back to him. It’s warm and it’s reassuring. Of course, it is, it’s Remus. Before I could say something, we were interrupted by a voice. 

  * Hey, I was wondering where you went. 



Sirius’s voice made me take off my hand from under Remus’s. But too late, I saw him eying where our hands were touching. 

  * I was going inside, actually, I said, getting up.



I gave him the goblin wine bottle and rushed towards the house. When I entered the kitchen, there was James talking with two house-elves who were making a snack platter. 

  * Ok, leave it here, I’ll take it back there. Thank you. 



The elves left the room and James turned to me. 

  * Hey Meadowes, how are things? He said, smiling at me. 


  * Shitty? 
  * How so? He frowned at me.
  * … Nevemind... I said, not wanting to chit-chat. 
  * Oh, wait, this came for you just before you joined me, he said, pointing a letter on the countertop to me. And take this, it will warm you up inside, he said, giving me a warm spicy wine cup with a wink.
  * Thanks. The letter’s from my mom, I said, opening it, before taking the glass. 



I took a sip from the warm beverage, it was so good and comforting. Then, I began to read my mom’s letter. 

_ Dory,  _

_ Things went out of hands, tonight. We were following a lead on a Death eaters' operation in a muggle house. When we arrived, they were killing the poor family... We managed to capture two of them, they were sent straight to Azkaban, in waiting of their trials... The reason why I’m telling this to you is that they were the muggles living next door to your friend Mary. She’s in shock at the moment, because she _ __ _ often _ _ babysat there, and the dad and two kids were killed, we manage to save the mother and the baby... I think that you should go to your friend, she and her family are at Marlene’s at the moment... _

_ Be careful, we love you so much,  _

_ Mom and dad _

I was looking at the letter, in shock. I knew this family. I went with Mary one night at the beginning of summer , to help her taking care of the kids. Justine, ten years old, Mat, 7 years old and Rose,  a little more than one-year-old . I didn’t realise I dropped my glass  until I heard  it shattering at my feet. 

  * Meadowes?! What’s going on? I heard James ask.



I gave him the letter, feeling numb. My brain was at full speed. I thought about them, then at Mary, then my parents, putting others death eaters in Azkaban... Making more enemies. I heard Remus and Sirius entering the kitchen, they were nearby and probably heard the glass shattering. I vaguely heard James explaining the situation before I saw Remus coming to me.

  * Hey, Dorcas, here’s a chair, why don’t you sit? He asked me gently. Sirius, take care of the shatters, would you? 



I let him lead me to a chair and sat, still unable to say something, lost in my thoughts, and clearly still in shock. 

  * Now what? I heard Sirius say. 
  * I think we should bring her to Mary, like her mother suggested... Remus said. I can take her. 
  * No you can’t. You don’t know where Marlene lives, I do, I will take her, said Sirius. 
  * You drank, I’d rather take her... Remus argued. 


  * I drank a cup of goblin wine, I’m ok, thanks, said Sirius curtly. 
  * Ok, mates. I know where Marlene lives too, I’ll take her, come, Meadowes, I heard James interrupting his friends. 



I rose my eyes to look at them, Sirius and Remus were clearly pouting, while James was standing in front of me, offering me his hand to take. I shook my head, to come back on earth and I focused on the fact that my friend need s me, and that I wouldn’t let her down. I stood up and took James’ hand, and we apparated together on Marlene’s porch. 

  * Are you okay, you want me to stay with? James asked. 
  * No need, thanks, I’m okay, I said. Oh! But James, can you... Find Lily? I know it’s a little mad, because she’s at her sister’s wedding merlin knows where, but... Mary needs all of us right now... 


  * I will find her and bring her back here. Later... he said, before he disappeared. 



I took a big inspiration, then knocked at the door. 


	9. Of Mary and Break down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A big recall about the increasing madness of the building war... 

** Chapter 9: Of Mary and Break down **

*** 

_ Lily  _

I was sitting in silence, brooding over the stupid blue-colored exotic drink Tunia decided would be a good idea to serve at her wedding. I took a look at my table companions and sighed. Unsurprisingly, my sister decided to put me with all the weird people of the guest list, clearly wanting to prove to me once more that she thought of me as a wicked freak… There was John, our uncle on my dad’s side, who was nice, but also autistic, and sometimes that made him say weird or rude things to people… Next to him was his mother, Charlotte, an old grouch… Then, there was also my cousin Amelia, who was a raging feminist always making you feel guilty to not fight as much as her for women’s right… Finally, there was two people from Vernon’s workplace, who just whispered between themselves the entire evening. The only nice thing that happened to me was when my dad danced with me, an hour ago... I looked at my watch and sighed louder, it was still only ten-thirty, my deadline to escape this awful wedding party was eleven. I took a swig at the stupid blue-lagoon drink and looked at the people dancing on the dance floor under the white marquee. Everybody was clearly having fun. I spotted Petunia and Vernon, showing off their dance lessons to everybody, there were small kids dancing too, they were pretty cute and they warmed my cold heart for a minute… Then, I looked at the music band, giving their best on the stage… As I looked at them, something next to the stage captured my attention. There was a tall black-haired guy, his back on me, and looking oddly familiar. His hair were going everywhere and I recognized him immediately. James. But, what would James do here, of all places? We were in the Dursley’s backyard…? He was talking with a distant cousin of mine, and I saw her pointing her finger in my direction. He turned around and spotted me, I was about to smile to him, but his expression was pretty serious… I got up to walk to him and we met near the dance floor. I saw Petunia scowling at me, because she didn’t recognize him and clearly disapproved, so I took his hand and lead him outside of the tent. As we reached obscurity, I pulled him closer and kissed him, unable to contain my relief to see a friendly face after this horrible day. After the kiss, whom he responded warmly, I wanted answers.

  * James, what are you doing here? How did you even find me? I asked him. 
  * I tried to your house first, there was no-one, so I search a little, I’m sorry to say that I may have entered your sister’s bedroom. I knew she would have some wedding invitations or thank you notes somewhere that would give me the address of the wedding party… 
  * Oh, that was clever, I said. But, why were you looking for me? 
  * Because, and I’m sorry to poop on your party… 


  * Oh, please, don’t be, it’s a nightmare… 
  * Meadowes got a letter from her mother, telling her that Mary’s neighbours got attacked by death eaters earlier tonight… They killed more than half of the family before the aurors caught on to them… 
  * What???? The kids… Tell me the kids are all right, James! 
  * … The youngest survived, with the mother… 



I  covered my face with my hands and gasped in shock. Mary was very fond of them, I think that there was something like three kids in that family, and now most of them are gone… Because of You-know-who and his mad conception of what the world should be… 

  * Mary and her family are at Mckinnon’s, and Meadowes asked me to find you… James continued after my shocked silence.
  * Of course, give me a minute to tell my parents and we leave… I said, forcing myself to get out of the lethargy. 



As I was going back to the party, my sister took me by the arm. 

  * Who was this? Did you invite one of your lot here? I told you not to!!! She whispered harshly to me, making sure nobody could listen. 
  * I’m leaving, you should be happy, let go of me! I said, taking back my arm, and she let me go, not wanting to cause a scene. 



I went to my mom and told her that a friend needed me badly, then came back to James. 

  * Can you take me? I had quite a lot to drink to try and make this thing more amusing, I said. 
  * Did it worked? He asked me. 
  * Not at all.
  * Come, love, he said, entwining his fingers with mine. 



We apparated at Marlene’s doorstep.

  * I’ll be on my way, don’t hesitate if you need anything, he said, hugging me warmly, and kissing me on the forehead. 
  * Allright, thanks, James… I said, before I knocked at the door, hearing him leaving. 



Marlene’s mother greeted me sadly and told me the girls were in Mary’s room. I knocked gently before entering, the scene was heart-breaking. Mary was sobbing in Marlene’s arms, Marlene’s face was wet with tears, as she was gently stroking Mary’s hair. Dorcas was pacing in the room, clearly trying to be the strongest of the trio .

  * Hey… What happened…? I asked, as I was crossing the bedroom to go to Mary. 


  * They randomly attacked a muggle household, apparently… My parents were on the trail of someone they suspected. The trail led them to Mary’s neighborhood, and a lot of Death eaters were there… My dad went to get reinforcement, to not be outnumbered… And meanwhile, the assholes managed to kill half of the family… Dorcas told me, keeping her cool, like she wasn’t able to feel anything, or more, like she didn’t want to, because she didn’t want to crush in front of Mary, who was already devastated. 



I  looked at my best friend, impressed by the strenght she had at the moment. I  felt the tears streaming down my face  at the thought of all this hate and madness.  I don't know how she was able to keep it together.  She usually was worst than me at this …. I looked at her with a mute question in my face, for her to know that I was wondering how she was, and she shrugged, and pointed her chin towards Mary and Marlene, clearly in need right now. I dropped, it, for the moment. 

  * But… Why??? I managed to formulate.
  * Why? You know why, Red. They’re lunatics who thinks that muggles are scum. 



Her words were very harsh, but I know she was telling the truth… 

  * I know… But children… 
  * They don’t care about any muggles. 



And the night goes by, with a scared and inconsolable Mary, and a cold-but-realist Dorcas, thinking ahead and wanting to be more involved in the fight. The call for actions reached Marlene and me,  though, and we promise ourselve s that we would be part of the O rder of the phoenix immediately after leaving Hogwarts… It was four in the morning when we finally left Marlene’s to go back home. I returned home feeling stunned, scared and angry. 

***

_ Sirius _

I was turning for what seemed like the hundredth time in bed. After Prongs left with Meadowes, Moony and me told everyone that the soirée was over, and cleaned up after them, in the waiting of them to come back. At a quarter to eleven, we were sitting in the living room, playing wizard chess to pass the time. I was on the verge of losing to Remus when James came back, alone. 

  * Hey, how are things, mate? I asked him. 



He came  to sit next to me before he answered. 

  * I don’t know, Pads. It’s crazy. Those loonies kill muggles at random, I would say things are getting very serious. I dropped Meadowes at McKinnon’s, and she asked me to find Evans. So I went at her house, and nobody were there. It’s her sister’s wedding. I search the house for clues as where to find her, and I found a wedding invite on her sister’s desk, so I managed to find her that way... I crashed a wedding, and, in all that load of crap, that made me think about… 
  * Yeah, I know about what, the muggle wedding we crashed last summer? What a great party! Moony even scored that night, right, pal? I said, teasing Remus. 


  * She just jumped on me, mate, you know it! Remus said, looking awkward. Girls were a source of anxiety for poor Moony. 
  * She did, didn’t she? Lucky you, I said, the girl was a pretty one indeed. 
  * So, as I was saying, I crashed a wedding and saw Evans. Merlin, she was SO HOT in that dress, but I was there for more serious matters, so I focused, went to her and explained, and dropped her at McKinnon’s too, then here I am. 
  * I wish we could do something more, I feel very useless, said Remus. 
  * Well, there’s nothing more we can do for now, in any case, said James. 



I poured a Firewhisky to him and we talked for a while, before we decided to call it a night, somewhere around two in the morning, and I’ve not been able to fall asleep yet. My sore throat urging me to drink something achieve to get me out of bed. I went downstairs and to the kitchen, to drink a glass of water. That’s when I heard the sound of the floo powder’s fire and the footsteps indicating that Meadowes came back. I putted my glass in the kitchen sink and went to see her. As I entered the living room, she was standing in the middle of the room, unmoving, rigid as a statue. She had her wand in hand, her arms along her body, her head down, her eyes closed tight, her long wavy hair framing her face. Somehow, she made me very uneasy and I needed her to come back from where she seemed to be at a lost in her head. 

  * Dorcas, you okay? I asked her, my voice seeming hoarse. 



She raised her  small and pretty face , looking a little unabashed , like she didn’t hear me coming and just realised I was there. 

  * Oh. Yeah. I’m fine. Everything’s fine, she said, and I got the impression that it was something she must have say more than once within the last hours, by the sound of it. 
  * You sure? I insisted. 


  * Yeah. Goodnight, Sirius, she said, shaking her head and walking past me pretty fast and heading to the stairs. 
  * Night’, I replied, as she was starting to go upstairs. 



I went back to my room, still feeling uneasy about her. Should I had tried to push her more? She was for sure under shock when she arrived from McKinnon, and being who I am, I’m the kind to push and push, it’s in my nature. I tried all my childhood to push a rebellious reaction out of my little brother, Regulus. But it was in vain. This kid was so imprisoned deep within himself, hiding what I was sure (or more, hoping really) was his true self, personality, flavor, to be the perfect son our parents wanted. He was being the good kid, here to save the  _ Toujours Pur _ Black family from my odious treachery. So, as I said, I pushed him, harder and harder, wanting him to rebel like me, I guess, shaking some sense unto him, until… I realised that he was too far unto it, seeing Voldemort like a rock star, the stupid fool…I just dropped it and left them… I plunged back unto bed, wishing that now that Meadowes was back, I would be able to sleep. Because, let’s be honest here, I was waiting for her to return and that’s why I was not able to sleep… As I felt myself more and more drowsy, I heard something like a small moan. Unsure, I got up and opened my bedroom door. Wails were definitely coming from Dorcas’ bedroom, facing mine. And by wails, well, I don’t mean the good sort of wails. More like, somebody’s crying kind of wails. I crossed the corridor to her door and heard it better, she was indeed crying. Oh. Crap. I don’t know how to deal with a crying girl. Should I get Prongs, or even better, Remus? But, before I could stop myself, I felt the urge to go in myself. I opened the door and I saw her, sitting on the verge of the bed, her hands hiding her face, and sobbing loudly. Feeling like nothing I would say could help, I just stand there stupidly for a second, before my feet decided to function again and I went to sit at her side, passing an arm over her shoulders. When she felt it, she stopped crying for a second, removing her hands from her face to look at me. She looked rubbish. Her eyes were bright red, her entire face was wet, her mascara leaving dark circles under her eyes… She was looking at me, not saying anything, expecting merlin-knows-what… And it hit me, a very sudden feeling that I should protect her. From what, I didn’t know, that was a pretty vague feeling that I would just be there for her. 

  * Come here, I said, opening my arms to her. 



She looked unsure for a second, making me feel stupid and awkward, then she threw herself in my arms and restarted to sob. She was ruining my white t-shirt and I couldn’t care less. She needed someone and for now, that someone was me, and it made me feel  pretty  good with myself. 

***

_ Dorcas _

Being the big person for people who needs me is hard. I knew that I needed to feel again, after hours shutting my feelings off to be able to think and to be a real comfort to Mary. Also, dreaming of being an Auror for years done that to me.  I’m a very emotional girl. Too much. I’m the kind of person who would cry if I’m sad, angry, too happy, for every occasion. That isn’t convenient, when you have the goal to became some kind of soldier against one of the mightiest wizard there is .  To keep your cool in horrible or very difficult situations was, in my opinion, one of the most important quality of a good Auror . I got the solution to this problem  a  month ago.. . 

***

_ June 30th _

I was looking for something good to read, having a lot of spare time these days . My parents were always working , leaving ridiculously early in the m orning and coming back more than often after sunset… As I had finished the book Lily lend me a week ago, when we left Hogwarts for the summer, I thought to go in my parents’  bed room, my mom often has a stack of books on her bedside table.  As I entered the bedroom, I realised how much my parents were just coming and going these days. There were stacks of clean folded clothes that they didn’t have the time to put in drawers or wardrobe, the bed wasn’t done… Mine was, how odd is this? We had to do it everyday in Hogwarts, so I just kept the habit… I went to sit on my mom’s side of the bed and look at the books on her bedside table. There was a book about Potions, I skipped it pretty fast, then there was a book about the pure blood  wizard’s family (how odd), a novel called  _ Magically in love _ , that might be interesting, I took it. Under it, there was a small and intriguin g black book, without any title or picture on the cover. I opened it, and recognized my mom’s handwriting. I looked like some kind of notebook. It was essentially potions recipes and spells. As I turned the pages, my attention got caught by a page. 

_ To turn off emotions  _

There was a sketch about the wand movement and the spell:  _ Volo ut nullo _ _. _

Under it, there was  an  explanation: 

_ When you need to be highly focus on duel or battle. Last u _ _ ntil you use the counter spell:  _ _ Volo sentient.  _

Well, well, well, that was quite an interesting spell, that one. So, instead of reading a stupid love novel, I began practising this spell. It took me two days. My mom caught me practising it in my room  at the end of the second day , when she arrived home without me noticing. 

  * Dorcas? Did you go through my things? She asked me, making me jump and drop my wand. 
  * Maybe? This spell must be very useful for an auror’s work, I said. 



She came to sit on my bed, next to me, as I was taking back my wand from the floor. 

  * I wish you didn’t find it. 


  * Why? 
  * Because, it’s not a good spell. It’s more often use on the bad side of wizards… 
  * It is? 
  * Yes. I found it in the restricted section at Hogwarts. I was pretty much like you, a pretty emotional girl, and thought that it would be a great idea to be able to shut it off, from time to time…
  * Is it not? I asked her. 


  * Yes and no. You managed to do it yet? She asked. 
  * Yes, I said. 
  * Did it hurt? She asked. 
  * A little? Is it normal? It’s like a small burning sensation throughout my body?
  * Exactly, then, you’ve done it right. This spell comes with a cost, like it is often the case with black magic... And while you were practising, you didn’t shut strong emotions, like when you will want to use it for real. It hurts pretty bad. But the worse is, you get used to it, and after a while, the pain diminish. That is the real problem of this spell. You have to turn it back on, and sometimes, you don’t want to. Dorcas, this is really important, I won’t forbid you to use it, because, let’s be honest, here, how could I? But you have to make me a promise, love, here and now. 


  * Which is? 
  * You have to promise me, Dory, that you’ll use it wisely, and that you will turn it on again as soon as possible. Being a teenager is hard, I remember, and don’t laugh, it’s not that while ago! Strong emotions are your everyday as a young woman. You have to promise me that you won’t use this for anything else than though situations where you’re in need of a strong focus, you know, life and death’s situation? 
  * O-kay…. 
  * I’m serious. At Hogwarts, I used it to turn it off after my boyfriend left me. Not your father, I had a boyfriend for a year at Hogwarts, I loved him like crazy, and he stoped loving me, so of course, hebroke up. It broke my heart, and I chose to use the spell for that. Worst idea ever. When I turned it on again, after weeks and weeks, as my close friends were becoming suspicious, I literally broke down and got in a big depressive state for a month, risking to jeopardise my NEWTS. You’ll see, when you turn it on again, the emotions you were suppose to feel, they all comes back at once, and it’s a mess. So, promise me, Dory, that you’ll be wiser than me. 
  * I… I promise, I said reluctantly. 



***

So, shutting it off, as my mother explained to me,  was like when you pulled and pulled on an elastic, the more you pull, the harder it hit when you release it. 

When Sirius got to me, in the living room,  I thought that I was alone and I just turn ed it on again with the counter spell.  I was  focusing on trying to breath in and out, like my mom taught me to , to calm myself down  and try to lessen the explosion . I never heard him coming and my heart jump really hard when I heard him ask me if I was okay. He broke the rhythm of my refocusing ritual. By habit, I simply replayed my cassette ‘’I’m fine, everything’s fine’’, before I felt on the verge of the abyss. Not wanting him to be a witness of my breakdown, I retreated fast to my bedroom. I sat on the bed, calming myself, my hands starting to shake, the tears beginning to stream down my face… Then I heard Sirius’ bedroom door close, finally… 

It was like the dam suddenly gave way to the tumultuous water. All my body shook, and I began to sob, unable to refrain it. I just gave up, covering my face with both my hands and let it all out. Not long after, I heard my door open, and  I thought that I was maybe being too loud , but I was in too deep, and stopping at the moment was out of reach. I felt the bed move at my side and then a warm arm was  on my shoulders. The feeling was so comforting, I was able to stop crying and risked a look at Sirius, because I knew it was him. He looked very concerned, when he offered the comfort of his arms to me. As ashamed as I was feeling (because, yeah, I was sick in front of him, and now a crying mess, clearly, he must think that I was a pretty unstable person), I needed to take this all out to be able to feel better.  Of course, I couldn’t tell him about the spell… 

  * Come, now, I’ll put you to bed, he gently murmured in my ear, after a little while, when I was slowly calming down. 



I let him pulled me up the bed, then he  took the bedcovers from under me, and covered me with it. 

  * Are you okay? And don’t lie to me again, Meadowes, he added, just as I was about to lie and say yes. 
  * I… I don’t know, I said with a small voice. 
  * Do you want me to stay a little longer? He asked me. 



I nodded to him, too ashamed to say it out loud. He nodded in return, then  he pulled the sheets from under him and moved closer to me, our faces only inches from one another.  Without overthinking it, I closed the distance and went back to the wet spot I created on his chest. He was warm and he smelled good, what I now knew was his aftershave, and I smelled a lingering  odor of Firewhisky too…  He took me in his arms and I sighed, feeling all the comfort he was trying to give me. After a little while, I felt like I was slipping unto drowsiness and I finally fell asleep… 


	10. Of Sleepover and Marlene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quite an awkward morning followed by a dreaded but necessary conversation. 

** Chapter 10: Of a Sleepover and Marlene  **

I woke up feeling like I was a little bit suffocating with heat. It was weird, because it was never that hot in my bedroom... My head moved, as to follow somebody's breathing, and I felt skin on my cheek... As I opened my eyes, I realised that my face was comfortably resting on Sirius' chest, under the blanket. MERLIN. Sirius slept in my bed. All night. This is not good. I moved to detangle myself from him and sat. I saw him move a little, but not at all looking like he would wake up anytime soon.  I  decided to rush  things a  little . 

  * Sirius ! I said.
  * Hmmm, was all he could manage to say. 


  * Wake up. 
  * Mmwhat? He mumbled. 
  * Sirius, wake up, for merlin's sake!I said louder. 



He opened his eyes and looked at me. 

  * Oh, hey. Morning, Meadowes. 


  * Sirius, you cannot be in my bed right now!
  * How come ?
  * Because! You know, we aren't together or anything…



He leaned on a elbow and smirked at me .

  * You are not very modern, Meadowes. 
  * Why did you sleephere?I asked, changing the subject. 
  * You're being a little spoiled, here. May I remind you that I was the one who comfortedyou when you lost it last night?



Yeah, he’s right about that. I was a wreck. I felt myself blush ing as I thought about how desperately I clang to him while sobbing like a baby. 

  * Why is it that you’re always the one to see me at my worst these days? I said, ashamed. 


  * It’s fine, he shrugged, you had a horrible night.And to answer your question about why I’m still here, you glued yourself to me and you fell asleep, so of course, I fell asleep too. I was freaking exhausted. Now, if you don't mind, I intend to go back to sleep… He said, putting his head back on the pillow. 
  * No, no ! Not here, Sirius ! Go to your room !!! Quietly, please, I felt the need to add, not wanting anyone to see him get out of my room early in the morning. 
  * Arf, Fury, you're such a bore, I was cozy… He said, while getting up. 



I followed him  to the door, pushing him towards  it ,  as he was laughing  at me. 

  * It's a first, a girl wanting me out like this. I’m quite offended, actually, he laughed. 


  * Perfect, that should be good for your gigantic ego, now shoo !



He opened the door, still laughing, just in time to see James in his way downstairs. 

  * Morning mate, don't mind me, got thrown out like trash, I'm going back to bed, he casually said before he entered his room across the corridor and closed the door. 



James, a little speechless, for once, turned to me with a  questioning look.

  * Don’t start rumors, Potter, I mean it. This is so not what you think it is, I added.


  * Funny, not the first time I heard that one, related to Sirius, he laughed, while continuing on his way to the stairs. 
  * Merlin, this is stupid, I said, following him. I came back very late and very… I had sort of… a break down... I confessed, ashamed of myself. 



He stopped on his way and turn back to face me. 

  * You did? Why? Are you allright? He asked me, looking concerned. 
  * I’m fine, really. It’s just, you know, I kind of kept what I was feeling to myself, about that nightmare... To not fail Mary who needed me... And it just hit me when I came back... They were innocents, James. And the kids, they were so cute, and full of life... I felt like I was again on the verge of tears and looked up, gulping, trying to keep it all in.



Seeing how troubled I still was, he came back to me  and gave me a warm hug .

  * I know, I had trouble sleeping too, just thinking about it, and I don’t even know them... he sighed. Allright, so, you still didn’t explain Sirius leaving your bedroom just now, he teased me, while putting his arm on my shoulders to bring me with him. 
  * He heard me, when I... broke, I said, ashamed. He came to comfort me, and we just fell asleep, that’s all. 
  * You sure? A snogging session is, after all, pretty comforting too!
  * Shut. Up. Nothing happened. 


  * Allright, I believe you, Meadowes. You hungry? Let’s eat something and you can tell me how it went last night...?
  * Right... 



As we were approaching the kitchen, I heard a feminine voice singing from it. 

  * I guess my parents are back...! Said James, releasing me to enter the kitchen. Hi, mom! He said. 



I followed him and saw him going towards a beautiful, but quite old lady to hug her. 

  * Morning, my love, how are you? She warmly asked him. 
  * I’m fine, but something terrible happened last night, we’ll tell you over breakfast, here’s Dorcas Meadowes, he introduced me to her. 
  * Well, hello sweet girl, I’m Euphemia. I hope my son was a decent host? She asked me, taking both my hands in hers. 
  * He was quite decent indeed, I answered her, smiling. I hope my presence isn’t a burden for anyone, I added politely. 
  * Not in the slightness, dear, it was me who asked James to bring you here. On the contrary, you cannot begin to know how a feminine presence is welcome here! I’m always surrounded by masculinity, not that I mind, I love them all very much, but I’m so very happy to have a girl here for a change! She said nicely. 


  * Well, that might change a little... I said to her, winking at James. 
  * James? Don’t tell me you finally had chance with Lily? She asked him. 
  * Let’s not call ‘’chance’’ what you could call charm, or seduction, shall we? James said. And I refuse to say anything before I have something to eat, I’m ravenous. 
  * Breakfast is served, love, so let’s go, then, she said, winking at me. 



We sat and  we  serve d  ourselves of the delicious breakfast the house-elves prepared. There  were eggs, bacon, sausage,  bread, jam and fruits ... 

  * So, before we go on the love topic, let’s talk about yesterday, we know about the attack on muggles that happened, if that was what you were referring to, Jamie. 
  * It is. 
  * We saw it in the Daily Prophet as we woke up this morning, and we came back right away, to be with you and make sure everyone was fine. 
  * When did you arrive? Asked James. 
  * Early this morning, she replied. Remus left not long after, he says goodbye to all of you, by-the-way, she mentioned. 


  * And where’s dad? James asked. 
  * Your poor dad stayed up very late last night with the searchers, he always forgot that he’s old and needs his good night's sleep, she said. 
  * Oh, right, you were in Egypt? I asked her. 
  * Yes we were. We have a flat there. My husband is very passionate with the Egyptians wizard's history and we go often for him to visit archeological sites we sponsored. 
  * How interesting! 


  * It is! For him, essentially. Me, I’m more into the street markets and the botanic! She added, with a wink. So, how about you tell me how you knew about yesterday’s attack? She asked us. 



We explained ourselves to her and then, talked about James and Lily. She was very nice, James’ mother. As we were sipping our teas, we heard a knocking on the window. I saw my gran’s owl, wanting to get in, a letter in it’s beak. I got up to open the window and let it in. I took the letter and the owl went back out immediately. I recognized gran’s writing. 

  * It’s from my gran, I said to James and his mother. 



I opened it and read. 

Hello Dorcas, 

Asilda is getting better, I” m packing and will be home when you’ll receive th is letter. Tell Euphemia that I ’ m really grateful she took you in and that I expect her visit for a tea very soon! Asilda says hi. 

Of course, she says Hi. The crazy old bat,  I was  so happy I didn’t go. 

  * She’s back. She’s thanking you to have me here and she wants to have tea with you soon, I told James’ mother. 
  * Oh. Good. So you’re leaving us so soon? Mrs Potter asked me. 
  * Yes. Thanks again for having me. Thanks, James, it was actually nice. 


  * You doubted that? Asked James, with a smile. 
  * I didn’t, actually... I said, answering his smile. 



I excused myself to James and his mother to go packing. I enjoyed being here, but it doesn’t feel home like my gran’s does. I went upstairs and packed my things. When I went back downstairs a while after, I found James and his mother in the kitchen. I dropped my suitcase and went to say goodbye to them. 

  * Well, I’m going, thanks again. I guess I’ll see you soon, James... I said, trying my best not to call him Potter in front of his mother. Also, I have to admit, me getting closer to them is making me using their surname more and more often... 
  * See you soon, I hope, my dear girl! James’ mother told me, hugging me. 


  * … And... Tell Sirius I say bye?
  * If he ever emerged from his bed, I will, he said, winking at me. 



I nodded and  disappeared at my gran’s. 

***

_ Sirius _

I woke up very dizzy, thinking that maybe I overslept a little. After a quick shower, I headed downstairs and had the surprise to see that James’ folks were back. I  went to the kitchen to have a late afternoon’s snack while discussing with James’s mom. She told me that Moony and Meadowes were gone. After, I got upstairs to find James in his bedroom. He was writing, obviously a love letter to Evans, as I plopped in the couch next to him. 

  * I thought you would never get up, he teased me, not looking up from his letter. 
  * I had a short night, I simply said. 



He  stopped his writing and looked at me. 

  * You did, indeed? 
  * Don’t look at me like that, nothing happened, I just comforted her, that’s all, I said defensively. 
  * Pads… 
  * Didn’t she tell you the same? I asked him. 


  * She did. But, you know mate… You’re playing with fire, here, he said. 
  * I’m not. There’s nothing between Meadowes and me, you know that, mate. 
  * There’s nothing yet. Like you said, I know you, pads, you like forbidden things. You like to push limits. You know where that lead you last time… 
  * If you mean that slimy… 
  * Of course, I’m talking about Snape’s incident. It nearly broke our friendships, remember? 


  * I do. But it’s different, and, at the risk of repeating myself, there’s nothing between Meadowes and me, I stubbornly repeated. 
  * Just wanted to be sure of that, that’s all, James said. 
  * Now, can we please move to a pleasant subject? I asked. 
  * Sure… he said, still looking at me with an unsure facial expression. 



***

_ Dorcas _

When I woke up the next morning, after a stupid insomnia who lasted for what seems like hours before I was able to sleep, I felt pretty good, because today was the day I was going at Lily’s to bring her back here. I looked at the time and saw that it was past ten, so I guessed I had some sleep after all, seeing that last time I’ve checked it was two in the morning. I’ve thought a lot about Sirius, about the fact that I don’t understand how I feel about him, and also, don’t at all understand how he feels about me. I’ve also had time to think about him and Lene. I think I’ll go talk to her before I go at Lily’s. I still didn’t really know how to explain myself, because I didn’t even understand my situation myself, it was freakin’ ridiculous. But, Marlene’s my friend. A really close and loyal friend  at that and , even if everything wasn’t clear in my head, I owed it to her to tell her the truth, that I feel weird by the “situation”. But, if she was to told me that she cares about him, I will back off, I’ll have to. But she won’t, won’t she? I sure hoped so. I also hoped that Sirius doesn’t have feelings for her. I pushed these depressing thoughts at the back of my brain and went to take a shower. After I’d finish preparing myself, I saw by the window that my gran was in the garden. I opened it and told her that I was going at Lily’s and will be back for lunch. But instead,  as planned , I apparated in Marlene’s alley. Her mom opened and greeted me affectionately, before calling Marlene. She arrived shortly after. 

\- Oh! Hey Dorcas!!! What are you doing here? Nevermind, come! 

She hugs me and bring me back with her in her bedroom. 

  * What are the news about Mary, I asked first. 
  * Oh. She went back home yesterday after dinner. The ministry putted protection spells around her house and all… And today’s the funerals. I offered her to accompany her to it, but she said she would go with her family instead. 
  * Those are dark times we live in… Make me ashamed to be a witch sometimes… 
  * I know…! So! PLEASE change the gloomy mood. To what do I owe the pleasure? She asked me, clearly hoping that I bring good news. 
  * I wanted to talk to you about something? I said, dreading this conversation. 


  * Oh! About what? She asked, clearly intrigued. 



This is sooooooo awkward. 

  * I don’t even know why I wanted to talk to you about this. This is just stupid struggles, and even more if compared with murders and war… I said, feeling very stupid. 
  * Dorcas, if we were to compare our little problems with the growing wizarding war, I think we would decide to forget about them. Which would be pretty stupid. Because, why would we fight for, if not to be happy and to just have silly problems to attend to? And I’m happy to hear about what you called your stupid struggles, it is a welcomed distraction.
  * Fine, then... I came to talk to you about Sirius? I said, with a small voice. 


  * I see. And what about him? 
  * You know, when you told us that you... That the two of you, I began. 
  * Yeah? 
  * Merlin. I hate this! I said, frustrated. 
  * Dore. It’s me. Just spit it out already, she pressed me. 


  * … I... I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel, you know, about that? It kinda... bothered me... 
  * That I slept with him? She asked.
  * … Yeah? Kind of? 
  * Do you fancy him? She said, interested. 
  * I... don’t know? I just know that it pained me, a little, when you told us. But, you know, Lene, if you feel something for him, I... 


  * I don’t. I can assure you, I swear… Sooooo... Dorcas Meadowes, who would have known you would fall in love! She exclaimed dreamily.
  * Marlene! I told you, I don’t... 
  * Yeah, right. I know you, Dorcas, you never ever talked to me about something sentimental. Never. So, don’t take me for a fool, now, would you? 
  * … 
  * So. Sirius, eh? I’m so very sorry, hon, if I’d known before, I would never have... She apologised.


  * Oh. Not your fault. It’s stupid, it kind of triggered when you told us... I felt... 
  * Hurt? That’s love, my dear friend. Love is good, and love hurts. Pretty bad at that. 
  * Pfff. Not for you, you always have who you want and you’re always the one who decide to end things! 
  * I don’t. I know it looks that way. But my heart was broken. More than once actually. 
  * Really? I said, not believing what I was hearing. 


  * Yup. I kept it for myself, you know, because you girls all see me like an idealistic version of myself. But you know what? I’ve been rejected more than once. 
  * How is it possible? 
  * Remus. Remus rejected me. Multiple times. 
  * HE DID? 
  * Yes. I don’t know, he doesn’t want me at all, and trust me, I’ve tried. And the more he rejected me, the more I'd try. It was getting more and more pathetic. And you know the worst part? Being with Sirius, it was my last attempt at trying to make him jealous. Pathetic, right? 



I can’t believe what I’m hearing. First, that it was possible for Marlene to not obtain the attention she wanted from a boy. Second, that Remus would not want her. I do hope pretty badly that he doesn’t have a “thing” for me. It would sadden me to be the reason for Marlene’s heartbroken... Also, I’m mixed in my feelings, because I’m very relieved that she doesn’t love Sirius, but still very  uncomfortable that she did sleep with him anyway. Also, trying to shut that little voice in my head that is whispering that he still can have feelings for her… 

  * Why you never told us that?
  * I guess I wanted to stay the “femme fatale” of the group. I like it. 
  * You still are. 
  * Am I? 


  * Definitely, I mean, you have more experience than all of us combined. 
  * Well. True. But, you know. It’s pathetic. The one that I ever really wanted. He doesn’t want me. 
  * I still don’t get it. Why Remus? 
  * I don’t know. He’s nice. Very gentlemanly. And he does respect me. I guess I want to be treated this way, with love and respect. But, it doesn’t work. He’d turn me back every time. 
  * I don’t know, maybe to try to focus just on him and stop… 


  * Stop throwing myself in the arms of every men? 
  * Yeah? You know, maybe that’s what’s stopping him? Maybe he’s more, conservative? 
  * Never thought about that, actually. I always thought that the fact that I’m easy-going was a good thing for me. 
  * Maybe for the majority? But I don’t think it’s Remus’s thing. 
  * Ok. I’ll think about it. I really will have tried everything to get him, right? And meanwhile, I’ll be out of your way to Sirius. 


  * I still don’t know what I want. And it’s still weird that you slept with him. I mean, it is weird, right? 
  * Not that much. You’ll see, Dore, the more you grow up, the more chance you have to not be the first to go to bed with a man. I mean, a lot of the guys at school are already sexually actives… 
  * Ok, ok, no need to continue, I get it! 
  * You’re such a prude. You’ll see, you’ll like it too, once you’ll decide to try it! Aaaaand, I can give you details about Sirius’s naked body. 
  * Okay, avoiding this conversation! I’m late to go fetch Lils! See you at school in two weeks! 


  * See you, Dorcas the virgin! 
  * Shut up! Love you. 
  * Love you too! 



I’m happy I went to have a “heart-to-heart" with Marlene. I never thought she would open to me that much. It’s crazy, even the strongest girl I know isn’t what I thought she was... But I do understand, I’m not myself able to admit about my feelings for Sirius. It’s like, if I say it out loud it would make it too real and at the same time it would make me even more vulnerable. I don’t want to be at risk of being hurt, or rejected, I think. I don’t even want to know how much power somebody can have upon me. One day I guess I’ll have to face it, maybe. Not today. For now, I’m at Lily’s front door without even remembering I’d apparate here. It’s stupid and dangerous to not be focus while apparating. I could have an accident and got myself splinched like an idiot. I really need to kick Sirius out of my thoughts. I hope being with my best friend will help. I raised my arm to knock at the door when it opened on Lily. She has her big Hogwart s suitcase at her feet. 

  * Finally! I was waiting for you an hour ago!!! 



She hugged me tight, using her wand to close the door behind me after I entered. 

  * Sorry, I went to see Marlene. 
  * Oh, ok. Let’s go and then you will tell me all about it. 
  * And there’s A LOT to tell. Let’s go, take my arm. 



I side-along apparated in my gran’s garden, to show her the house before we enter it. My gran came to greet her before I gave her the tour of the house. When we get to my bedroom, I helped her unpack while discussing about my earlier conversation with Marlene. It was so good to have Lily with me, the days passed too fast, while we helped my gran in the garden, read in the old swing on the porch, talked about the Marlene and Remus situation. We agreed to try to help her as best as we can on that matter. 


	11. Of Beach and Movie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our favorite crew experiencing muggles activities... 

** Chapter 11: Of Beach and Movie **

A week later, as we were going back upstairs after breakfast, we had the surprise to find James and Sirius comfortably waiting for us in my bedroom. Lily yelled and I pointed my wand in reflex. 

  * Calm down, Dorcas, it’s just us! Said James, sitting on my bed and looking at a magazine. 



Sirius was lying on the long comfortable chair in the corner of the room, my favorite place to read in this house. Lily, once the surprise's past, smile widely and threw herself at James. Sirius got up and walked towards me. 

  * Well. Why don’t we go downstairs for a minute to leave space to those lovebirds? He suggested.



I nod and he followed me downstairs. We were alone, my gran was at the market for a while (she does speak with everyone so it’s always veeeeery long, the reason I don’t go with her). Sirius seemed like he was in a good mood. He sat on a couch and I took place in the one in front of his. 

  * So, what are you guys doing here? I asked him. 
  * He was becoming insufferable, so we decided to pay you both a visit. And we wanted to see if you girls wanted to spend the day with us. 
  * What did you have in mind? 


  * James’s dad arranged us a portkey to a beach in the south of France. He said it’s warm and pleasant and it’s a popular muggle destination, he said. 
  * Is it? I never went to a beach before. I mean, I don’t even own a bathing suit...? 
  * I’ll lend you one, Dore, I just need to go home to fetch it. I have sundresses and bikinis, Lily told me as she and James were joining us in the living room. 
  * What’s a bikini? I asked, hearing this word for the first time. 



Sirius laughed at me. 

  * A marvelous muggle invention, a very tiny bathing suit. You’ll love it, you prude, he winked at me. 



Why does everyone call me a prude? I turned to him with a scowl. 

  * Of course, you would know about muggle girl's lingerie, I said. Lily? Is he right? I asked her. 
  * Yup, he’s right. But it’s not that bad. It is what most girls wears at the beach. I bought it when we were in Spain for vacation last summer... She said. 
  * So what, we’re supposed to go there half naked? I’m out, I said, crossing my arms, pouting. 


  * Come on Dore, if it makes you uncomfortable, just keep your dress on, allright? 
  * I’m not agreeing right away. I’ll try one of those bikinis before I agree to anything, I warned them. 
  * Sure. Be right back, boys, Lily said, smirking. 



She took me by the arm and I had a glimpse of the boys laughing before we apparated in Lily’s bedroom. She went in the direction of her big dresser and opened the bottom drawer. She took pieces of fabric of various colors and throw them on the bed. Wait, what? That c ouldn’t be it? It was so... Tiny. 

  * Okay, that’s all of them. I have four, so you can choose one and try it, she said. 


  * Lily, it’s smaller than my underwear, I said, horrified. 
  * Trust me, you’ll see, everybody at the beach wore those. I even saw girls topless once. My mom was scandalised! Girls in the south are really less prudes then we are. Marlene would love it there, she said. 
  * … Merlin... You do realise that you’re asking me to be nearly naked in front of Sirius Black? 
  * And you do realise that Sirius Black will be nearly naked in front of you too? She smirked at me. 
  * … 



That was actually a pretty good point in favor of tiny bathing suits.

  * Try it, Dor. Don’t overthink this. It will be so much fun. The beach, it’s awesome! I’m very excited to go! Imagine, the warm sun on your skin! Leaving this wet place? 
  * Fine, fine! Those are good arguments in favor of the stupid bikini, I capitulated.
  * Yeah, I'm sure that wasn't the best one, isn't it? She teased me, referring to the half-naked-Sirius-one.
  * Give me that ridiculously tiny blue thing, there. And turn around, I said, not replying to the tease.


  * I strip off of my clothes and put the bikini on. I turned to face the mirror. Oh, Merlin, I’m naked. And white. My skin was ivory white, with the damned freckles. But, if I was being totally honest, I didn’t hate the thing as much as I thought I would. But I still didn’t want to be ridiculous in front of Sirius. 



  * Lily? You can turn around now, I said. 
  * Oh! Dorcas, it suits you very well! You look sexy as hell, she winked at me.
  * Lily!?


  * What? It’s true. You gained boobs during the summer, my friend. 
  * I did? I said, looking at myself in the mirror, and realising that she was right. 
  * Yup. You're actually filling the top better than me. 
  * I do? 



Well, it’s true that I put on some weight during the last months, it was bothering me a little, but now I see that it can have happy consequences too... Lily put on a very beautiful kaki green bikini, then gave me a white sundress that I put on before we apparated back at my gran’s. The boys were nowhere to be seen, I guess they were at James to change too. I went with Lily to fetch big towels. The boys came back while I was just finished writing a note to my gran to tell her we went out for the day to hang out with the boys. They were bare chest and bare feet and had a towel around their necks. Well, that was undeniably a good view, I thought, looking at Sirius, wearing a bathing suit consisting of a tight dark red short. I rose my eyes to his face and realised he caught me staring, making my damn cheeks blush once again. His eyes left mine to take a look at my white dress with a crooked smile.

  * So, Meadowes? How was the bikini tryout? He laughed at me. 
  * Shut up. I swear if you laugh at me out there, I'm leaving! I said, menacing him. 
  * I would never, he said, a hand on his heart, clearly still mocking me. 
  * Do we have to prepare lunch? Lily asked James. 
  * No, my dad gave me French muggle money for us to buy stuff to eat and drink there. Okay pals it's time, grab this can! He said, putting a can on the table. 



We all grab a part of the small rusted can and seconds later it begins to swirl around me and it felt like we were falling hard for a couple of seconds before we landed. Merlin do I hate this feeling, it's worse than apparition. I looked where I landed. My bare feet where in the sand and we were into what looked like a small bush and there was a cacophony of voices all around. The boys where already pushing branches to get out of our hiding portkey spot. When I got out, the sun blinded me for a second, and I took it all in. We were on a beautiful beach of white sand and the water was a beautiful  turquoise. It looked like paradise to me , since I was raised in a greyish wet of a country. And I don’t want to sound ungrateful, I love my country, but this, here, was very appealing .  It  was shinny and hot, I'm not used to hot temperature like this. I still disapproved of it, but I understood that in that temperature you could wish to wear less clothes. And the people, how many were they? Hundreds, at least. All of them in small bathing suits and looking like they don't care to be nearly naked. Well, as they say,  _ When in Rome, do as the romans do...  _ I sensed Lily taking me by my arm and pulling me. 

  * Nice, right? Come, the boys have found a spot over there!



She pulled me towards them, where they were spreading their towels on the sand. As we were walking to join them, I realised that the sand was so hot, it nearly burns my feet. We  spread our towels too, and then, Lily took off her dress. James was looking like he was having the best day of his life. Lily took him by the hand and turn towards me. 

  * You coming? You need to try the sea, Dore! It's so nice and refreshing. And the waves are amazing!



Oh no. She's telling me to strip. I looked at Sirius with a scowl. 

  * I promise you, I won't laugh. Come and enjoy yourself for merlin's sake! He said, following the other two in direction of the sea, turning his back to me. 



Still unsure of myself, I began unfastening the front of my dress, who had buttons from top to bottom. I tried to remember that Lily said I look good in this ridiculous of an outfit. I finished to unbutton it and I stop overthinking it while I took off the dress. I then raised my chin, to project an assurance that I was not feeling at all. I walked towards them, before I risked a glance at Sirius, to see if he would mock me. He wasn't. For once, he was actually very quiet. And serious. Lily smiled at me and wave me to join them. When I got closer, the waves came and met my feet, making me yelp in surprise. 

  * It’s cold! I exclaimed, unsure. 
  * It looks like it because your skin is warmed up by the sun, but once you’re in, it’s very good, Lily said, coming to meet me. 
  * Hm. Not sure about this, I pouted. 


  * Come, silly, said Lily, taking my arm. 



As I was  still ambivalent , I got splashed and screamed, seeing that it was coming from Sirius. 

  * Oh you’re gonna regret that! I menaced him, going his way. 
  * I’m terrified! He mocked me. 



I went farther in the water and I must say, I had a pretty good time following the waves and splashing the boys. When we got out, the boys went to buy refreshments. We all discreetly took our wands to dry ourselves (except the hair, we don’t want to draw attention on us) and Lily took a bottle from her b ag and told me that this was skin lotion called sunscreen and it was use to protect  our skin from the sun. When the boys came back, she putted some on James’s back, like she did for me and me for her. When it was Sirius’s turn to have his back done, he turned to me. 

  * Need your help, Dorcas. 



I gulped. 

  * Why me? I asked awkwardly. 
  * Because, I sure don't want James to do it and I'm not sure he would appreciate me asking Lily? Would you, Prongs? He asked him, smirking. 
  * I won't, James felt the need to add.



Lily, the treacherous, laugh with them. I guess I have two choices, treat myself by touching Sirius’s back (what? Who am I kidding, I want to) OR let him get a sun burn... 

  * Clearly, you deserve a sun burn, after you splashed me before I got unto water earlier. 
  * Oh, come on Fury, to make you mad at me was the fastest way to get you in the water in the first place, admit it. 
  * Without admitting you’re right, I can concede to you that my hatred for you was pretty efficient to get me unto water indeed. 
  * You don’t hate me, though. I challenge you. You like to be challenged. 


  * Arf. Just shut up and give me the bottle, I said. 



He gave it to me with a grin, and came to sit in front of me . I stared for some time s at his back before I regain some sense and put the sunscreen in my hands and begin to put it on  him . The feeling on my hands was amazing. It was the first time I ever have the chance to touch him like this, to feel his skin, and bones, and muscles under my fingers, and it was very very nice. Once there was sunscreen everywhere on his back, I had to tell myself to stop. He turned to face  me, still grinning. 

  * Thanks, Meadowes... He said. 
  * Hm. 



I forced myself to find back my brain (not an easy task) and I searched in Lily’s bag to find my book. I looked at her, she was sitting between James’s legs and they were laughing together and kissing. I turned on my stomach and began to read. It was hard to try to concentrate while Sirius was himself lying just at my side and looking at me. I closed my book and looked at him. 

  * What? I can’t concentrate with you observing me like this, I said. 
  * I’m bored. What are you reading? He asked. 
  * A muggle novel Lily lend me. It’s called Pride and Prejudice, I answered, showing him the book. 
  * And what is it about? He asked. 
  * Hm... It’s a love story. About a nice woman from a weird family and an arrogant rich man. 


  * And did they make it work? 
  * I guess, but I’ve not finish it yet, so hard to tell. 
  * Do you want them to be together? 
  * Well... Yes... But he has to stop being an ass first, I added. 
  * I don’t understand you girls. You all read romantic novels who makes impossible standards for us to reach. 


  * We don’t. 
  * Oh yes, you do. I’m sure you have that perfect portrait of a prince charming in that pretty head of yours, he said, pushing his finger on my forehead. 



It was a compliment though, wasn’t it? 

  * You’re wrong. I don’t want somebody who’s flawless. Must be very boring. And... I’m not flawless myself, sooo... Would be pretty stupid to ask that from someone. Prince Charming is boring. Darcy isn’t perfect, and isn’t boring. He’s a prick, though, sometimes. But a cute and handsome prick.
  * How do you know he’s handsome? It’s a book. 


  * Use your imagination, my friend. In my head he’s hot, I smirked. 



He scowled at me and was about to say something, but was interrupted by James. 

  * Guys, Lily’s got a great idea! 



Sirius sat and turned towards them. 

  * What is it? He asked.


  * She said that tomorrow we could all go to see a... What did you call it Lils? He asked her. 
  * A movie. It’s very nice, it’s a muggle thing. They kinda project images on a big screen and... Well, it’s hard to explain, you have to see it! I promise you’ll love it! She said. 
  * Ok, why not? Said Sirius, turning to me. 
  * Yeah. Why not? Meanwhile, I need a bit of break from the sun, it’s a bit too much for me! I complained. 
  * Oh wait, I got something to help... Lily said, searching in her bag, that she actually charmed to contain a lot more than it looks like judging by its size. 



She took out some kind of big umbrella from it, and rose up and came my way with it. She planted it in the sand and then opened it. It gave me a pleasantly shady space to read. 

  * Here you go! You know, actually, I’ll join you, she said. 



She sat near me under the big umbrella thing. The boys talked loudly and laugh at our side while we enjoyed the protection from the very present sun. 

  * So, you enjoy yourself? Lily said. 
  * I do, actually! It was a great idea, I agreed. 


  * You know... 



She scoots closer to me and toned down.

  * Don’t be mad, she said. 
  * About what? I asked, on my guards already. 
  * I... This morning I’ve asked James if it was kind of a double date, you know, us four, she began. 


  * You what??? I said, scandalised. 
  * I didn’t say anything about you liking Sirius or anything... It’s just, I was curious. 
  * … And...? I said, unable to stay mad when the curiosity was taking more space. 
  * He said that... It cannot be. When I asked him why, he just told me that it’s... Complicated.
  * What is? 


  * I don’t know. He just told me that the situation in general was. I didn’t push it because I didn’t want you to be mad at me, she said, looking at me. 
  * I’m not. But Lily, let it go, I don’t want anyone getting the impression that... 
  * That you like him? Even if it’s true? She asked. 
  * … 



We were interrupted by a ball falling unto my legs. I took it and saw a young man coming my way, with a crooked smile. He was very tall, very tanned, very muscular and very blond. 

  * Bonjour! 



Oh, right. We were in France, with French-speaking people, that was logic... But I don’t speak French, so I replied in English... 

  * Euhm. Hello? 



He kneels at my side and was persisting with the smiling. 

  * Hi. It’s my volley ball. In your hands, he said, pointing at the ball.


  * Oh. Right. Here! I said, giving it back to him. 
  * My name is Arnaud by-the-way, he said. 
  * Oh, nice to meet you, Arnaud, I’m Dorcas, and this is Lily, I said, smiling. 
  * Well, nice to meet you, Dorcas and Lily. Are those two your boyfriends? He said, pointing James and Sirius. 



I turned towards the boys and saw Sirius looking at Arnaud with a non-amical expression and I heard something like a growl? Right, that part must clearly be an auditive hallucination, caused by the numerous dogs present at the beach. Somebody can’t just growl. I turned back to Arnaud, why is he asking me this? Is he flirting? 

  


  * \- James, I said, pointing him, is Lily’s boyfriend, but Sirius is... Just a friend, I said, looking at him, as he was scowling at me. 



  


What? Wasn't it the truth? 

  


  * \- Well, good thing for me. You want to come to play volleyball with us? He said, pointing young people waiting for him to come back with the ball. 
  * \- Euhm... I don’t know? I don’t think I know the game? I said, unsure, but at the meantime, curious about it. 
  * \- You never played volleyball? It’s quite easy, actually, I can show you, if you want, he grinned. 


  * \- You should go, said Lily, I think you could like it, she added. 
  * \- Well... Why not? I shrugged. 



  


Arnaud held out his hand to me to help me get up. As I was standing in front of him I saw his eyes detailing my body and I felt more naked than ever, in the too-tiny-for-my-taste bathing suit. His hand was not releasing mine as we were walking towards the others, so I subtly pulled mine out of his on our way there, feeling a little incomfortable by his proximity.

  * Tout le monde, je vousprésente Dorcas, Dorcas, this is Pam, he said, pointing a petite red head, Vanessa he pointed a tall raven hair beauty, Gus, he said, pointing a muscular chesnut colored hair, and Vincent, he pointed a dirty blond with mid-long curly hair. Dorcas vajouer avec nous, he said to them, and he explained to me that he told them I was to play with them, seeing my I-don't-understand-what-you-just-said facial expression. 
  * Hey, everyone, I timidly say. 



They came closer with warm welcoming smiles. 

  * Obviously, you’re not from here, said the petite red-head named Pam, where are you from, Dorcas? She asked me. 
  * England, I said. 


  * Oh, that’s where the exotic accent come from! Commented Vincent.
  * Well, right back at you, your accent is exotic too, I replied. 
  * I guess it is...! He winked at me. Well, are we playing? 
  * You’ll need to tell me how to first, I asked them. 



They explained the basics to me and we played for a while. I have to say, I enjoyed myself pretty much. Even if I didn’t catch anything they say when they forget about me and used French between them. Most of the time, they were making efforts to be inclusive and talked in English. My team lost by two points, but it was a nice game nevertheless. 

  * Okay, that was nice, thanks you all, I’ll get back to my friends, I said, taking a step back. 
  * Right, we’ll make a bonfire here tonight, if you want to join later, said Arnaud. 
  * Hm. Thanks for the invite, I said, not answering, knowing pretty well that I would be far away from here pretty soon. 
  * Later, then, he insisted, smiling at me seductively. 



I just smiled back, before I turned on my heels and get back to my friends. 

  * So, did you like it? Lily asked me. 
  * Yeah, this is a nice game, for a muggle one, I grinned at her.
  * Did he managed to ask you out? Asked Sirius, looking bored. 
  * Well, obviously, I’ll not date him, since we’re coming back to England pretty soon, I answered. 
  * As a matter of fact, it’s getting late, we should go back, said Lily. 



We packed and went back to hide in the same spot as when we arrived by portkey to  disapparate back home. We apparated not all at the same time, because Lily and James wanted a little time alone. I said goodbye to him and Sirius and apparated back at my gran’s in my bedroom. Lily came not long after that, with pink cheeks and a dreamy smile. We smelled that my gran was making a masterpiece in the kitchen and went downstairs to see what it was, starving as we were. When I arrived in the kitchen, I had the surprise to see that my mom was cooking with gran. 

  * MOM! I yelled, throwing myself in her arms. 
  * Dore! How are you, hon? She said in my hair. 



We hugged for a while, I missed her more than I thought. 

  * Hello to you, Lily bean! She said, before she hugged her too. 
  * Is dad with you? I asked her. 
  * Not yet, he had boring reports to write, but he’s coming too. He’ll arrive shortly, she said. 
  * Great! I exclaimed. 



We sat at the table with her, my gran pouring us tea, before she got back to the oven. We talked a little about Mary’s neighbors at first, then changed the subject. 

  * So. Where were you today? Mom asked us. 
  * Lily’s BOYFRIEND took us to the beach, actually. Somewhere in France, his father made us a portkey, I explained. 
  * Returning to the boyfriend allusion very soon. But first, you lot need to be very careful, especially when you go out in public areas, she warned us. 
  * But... It was a muggle beach, mom...! There were no wizards there except for us, I said. 
  * I know, Dorcas, but you need to understand, your father and I are very worried about you. Thing is, I don’t want to worry you, but people might target you... She explained. 


  * You have new information about that? I asked. 
  * Not that much, I don’t want to alarm you, but we know that they know about you, who you are, what you look like... I just want you to be aware of that, and to be very careful, that’s all, love. Okay? She said. 
  * Sure. I never leave without my wand, you know that. And I can take care of myself, I said with confidence.
  * I’m not sure you realise what, or more, who we’re up against. And Lily, you take good care too, being a muggle born is also more and more risky these days... She said, looking at Lily. 
  * I’ll stay on my guards, she answered. 



We stayed silent for a couple of seconds. I’m not stupid, I know that there’s a threat in the wizarding world, we experienced some of it pretty recently... but it’s hard to always think of that when I’m having fun, I kind of forgot sometimes and it can be dangerous... For now, even if I do know my parents are telling the truth, it’s hard to feel paranoid like they would like me to feel. 

  * So... Enough with the serious talk. Lily, what’s going on? Don’t tell me you gave in to James Potter at last? My mother changed the subject. 
  * I did. Crazy, eh? Lily said. 
  * Not crazy. At all. It’s about time, actually. What changed your mind about the boy? My mom continued. 
  * It’s his huuuuuuge... Library, I said, laughing hard. 


  * Shut up, Dor!!! It’s not! Said Lily. 
  * Well well, well, I knew you girls were unto books, but not that much! My mother laughed with us. 
  * To be honest, I was developing something for him since last year. But I wanted to be sure, about my feelings toward him, you know? Lily explained. 
  * And that’s a good thing, to wait to be sure, hon. I’m very happy for you. And now, it will be easy to double-date with Dorcas and the Black boy, would it not? She smirked at me. 
  * MOM?! I said, scandalised.


  * What? You think I don’t know you, maybe? Well, sorry, Dorcas, but I do. I made you, remember? She pinched my cheek while saying it. 



Before I was able to answer, there was a loud “CRAC” sound and my dad entered the kitchen. 

  * DAD! I exclaimed happily. 



I rose on my feet to greet him with a hug. 

  * Hello, Dorcas. How are you? He asked me. 


  * Fine, dad. Happy to see you! I said. 
  * We missed you too. Hello, mother, he said to gran. 



He hugged his mother and said hi to Lily. We all sat to eat not long after, making small talk and laughing. It was good to be with my parents, after weeks without seeing them. We spent the night in their company before they went back home. My gran soon after went to bed and I stayed in the living room with Lily. 

  * So, after you and Sirius left, me and James decided to go to the movie theater on Thursday. We thought that we could go there after lunch and then make a quick stop to Diagon Alley to buy our school stuff, said Lily. 
  * Sounds like a good plan, I agreed. 



We received our school supply list required for our final year at Hogwarts last week. We didn’t need that much stuff, because we already had all the basic material we needed, being in school for the last six years. I just needed the classes books, and since I’d burn my potion cauldron pretty bad last year, I guess I needed a new one. I did try to fix it, but after a while I just gave up and put it in the trash. It was just before the exams, and professor Slughorn lent me one to finish term. So, for me it will be Flourish and Blotts for the books, then Potage’s for the cauldron... Before they left, my parents gave me money for Diagon Alley, because they didn’t have time to accompany me this year, like they usually do. So, no stop to Gringotts, which was a good thing, because I kind of always felt uneasy in the presence of goblins. And since we’ll go back to school next Monday, we were kind of late already to go buy our stuff.

Thursday morning was very rainy. While Lily was in the shower, I sat on the long chair near the window in my bedroom and drank my tea looking at the rain pouring outside, lost in thoughts. I guess it’s a good day to hide inside a movie theater, because no one is insane enough to wander outside in that type of temperature. This day began on the wrong foot, I do hope it gets better later. First, my parent's bloody stupid owl bite me while I was opening their letter, impatient for me to fed him. I had put my gran’s miraculous ointment on my injured thumb, it’s getting better, but not fast enough for my taste, it still hurts. Maybe because we are like, always using our thumbs, so I didn’t give it the rest it deserved, I guess, especially since it’s my right thumb and I’m right-handed... The other reason for my melancholic mood is the letter itself. My parents wrote to tell me that they would be out of the country for a week. I deduced that they also meant out of reach. Because that’s certainly for a secret mission of some sort... So, I don’t know where, why and for how long exactly. The joy of having those two as parental figures. I love them, I do, but their job for the last couple of years was very very busy and mysterious and I must say that I got pretty lonely. 

After lunch, we said goodbye to gran and apparated in front of Potter Manor’s porch. Good news is, the rain stopped. Before we could have the chance to knock, James opened the door and took Lily in his arms. Sirius followed, closing the door behind him. 

  * Hi, Meadowes. 
  * Black. 



Potter let go of Lily after a couple of awkward seconds of silence. 

  * Hey, Meadowes! James greeted me.



He hugged me briefly before he took Lily’s hand. 

  * So, where are we going? He asked her. 
  * To the movie theater near my home. We will see a movie called Star Wars, there’s a big buzz around it and I’m dying to see what the fuss is about! 


  * Ok, then, how do we go? James said. 
  * We will take you there, Dorcas, you remember the park near my home, where I took you last summer? 
  * Yeah? I said. 
  * Take Sirius there, it’s just three blocks away from the theater, we’ll walk. 
  * Okay. I said. 



Lily disappeared with James. Sirius turned to face me. 

  * Shall we? He said to me. 
  * We shall, I answered, putting my hand on his arm and disappearing. 



We apparated in the little wooded area at the back of the park. Lily and James were nearby, waiting for us to go. I let go of Sirius’s arm and we joined them. 

\- So, what is the movie about, actually? I asked. 

Lily already told me all about movies. She said that it’s like putting books into life, which is a very interesting concept for a book-worm like me. 

  * Well, it’s... About people living on other planets and fighting? It’s a war between good and evil, as always. And the thing is, there’s kind of magic in it. They call the wizards “Jedi's” in this imaginary world... Everybody are saying that this movie is amazing, I can’t wait to see it! She finished excitedly. 



Sirius and James weren’t paying attention at what we were discussing about, too fascinated by the muggle surroundings. 

  * I love it here! I will try to buy a flat in a muggle neighborhood like this one, said Sirius. 
  * Really? Why? I asked him. 
  * I don’t know. I like it. I want to use electricity and other muggle inventions. It’s another kind of magic, you see? He answered me. 
  * I guess... 



We arrived at the movie theater couple of minutes later. Lily paid for us, because she was the only one with muggle money and she declared it her treat. 

  * You guys will experience the ever-so-delicious buttery pop-corn. It’s soooo good. You’ll see, she said, going to a counter to buy snacks. 



We followed her in a big dark room full of people. We managed to find four seats in the last row. James took the seat next to the alley, then Lily took the next seat, I sat next to her and Sirius after me. We ate all the incredible thing she called popcorn before the movie even started. When it did begin, we all three (not Lily, obviously) gasped at the loud sound and big screen, impressed by the immersive experience it made us feel. But after a couple of minutes, we got used to it and I have to say, I loved it. It was amazing to follow a story this way. We’ll have to do this more often! And the room was pitched black, so we kind of forgot we were surrounded by a lot of people and we got caught in the movie pretty bad. I looked at Lily, she was leaning on James and they were holding hands, very  focused on the movie. I turned my head to Sirius and I saw that he was absorbed in the movie too. Seeing that he wasn’t using the armrest, I rest my left arm on it and leaned a little in my seat, making myself more comfortable. The movie went on and when the light came back, we exclaimed our enthusiasm about the movie to Lily, who loved it too. We got out of the movie theater by a back door leading in an alleyway, we went in the opposite direction as the crowd to apparate without being seen by muggles, and seconds later we were in Diagon Alley.


	12. Of Attack and Headmaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very unpleasant encounter on Diagon Alley

Chapter 12: Of Attack and Headmaster 

We began with the books, then went to Madam Malkin’s for James. As we were heading to Potage’s I saw a couple looking at me. I don’t think I know them, the woman was a brunette in her thirties, I guessed, and the man has raven black hair, long, and was around the same age, or younger. They were staring at me and that made me feel weird. Sirius caught my arm as I was to pass in front of Potage’s, to bring me in with them. Once inside, I went back to look again in the street through the door's window, they were nowhere to be found. I guess they went away. Sirius came at my side, looking the same way. 

\- What are you looking at? He asked. 

\- Oh. Nothing... There were weird people staring, but they’re gone... 

He looked outside again, frowning. 

\- What’s going on? Asked James, approaching us with a concerned frown. 

\- Probably nothing... Well, let’s buy a cauldron, right? How exciting is that? I said, turning back towards the boutique, with a false excited voice. 

\- Dore, you need to warm up about potions, Lily said, passing her arm on my shoulders affectionately. 

\- I should, but I can’t, I pouted. 

\- See that one here, would be perfect, she said, pointing a cauldron. 

\- Good, done, let’s buy this crap, I said, taking the cauldron, while Lily was rolling her eyes at me. 

It took something like 2 minutes to find a cauldron and paid for it. I put it in Lily’s small bag, the little tote canvas bag she magically expanded. We putted all our new school stuff in it. I passed the strap over my shoulder before we got back in the street. As Lily was walking entwined with James, the both of them laughing, and Sirius was stopping in front of Quality Quidditch Supply to admire the brand new Cleansweep broomstick, I heard something strange at my right. Something like a child’s cry. I turned this way and saw a little alley between shops, and there was indeed a little girl, must be about 4, standing at the end of it, and visibly crying because she lost her parents, I guessed wildly. I walked in her direction, planning to reassure her and then try to find her parents in the small crowd of people present in Diagon Alley. The alley was narrowed and a little dark, wide enough for two persons standing side by side. 

\- Hey, hello, you, I said gently to the little girl, walking slowly towards her not to scare her. 

She was still crying, looking totally lost. When I arrived in front of her, I putted myself at her height and looked at her in the eyes. Something was odd, she wasn ‘t returning my gaze, like she didn’t see me or something. And she didn’t stop crying... And then she vanished. Like that. Like she was just a vision or something. My brain was trying to understand, but my guts reacted and I took off my wand, and as I did it, I heard rustling in my back. I turned around just in time to see two hooded wizards raising their wands towards me. They were wearing masks. THE mask. Death eaters. Oh, Merlin. Death eaters. On Diagon Alley. I got the feeling that the weird couple looking at me earlier, that those people were the one hiding behind the masks at the moment. Such cowards. 

\- It’s her, no mistake, said the woman, pointing her wand on me. 

I had my wand in hand too, but problem was, they both were pointing theirs at me. 

\- What the bloody hell do you want from me? I asked them, trying to sound brave, as I was truly feeling really nervous. 

Trying not to panick, I saw that, while the women was still pointing her wand at me, the man was doing protective spells, I guess to isolate us from the Diagon Alley’s crowd, the sound of them fading to nothing after seconds. I thought about disapparate... 

\- Just in case you were wondering, we blocked the apparition in the area. 

\- I guess you think you’re very clever? Don’t you? I have friends with me, they will be looking for me... I said tentatively.

\- Let’s make this quick, then, won’t we? Your parents, they putted a lot of my friend in Azkaban, began the woman, as the man was coming to stand next to her, pointing his wand at me too. 

\- Maybe you should find yourself better acquaintances? I suggested, trying to sound brave. 

\- And maybe, if we hurt you pretty bad, your parents would finally get the warning... Said the man, closer to me, now. 

\- You killing me won’t change anything, I snarled. 

\- We’re not supposed to kill you, if we do, you would made quite a poor messenger, would you? The man said. 

_\- Crucio_! I heard the woman say. 

\- _Protego_! I countered, creating a shield protecting me from the curse. 

I knew that I was in very bad position, one teenage witch against two adults death eaters. My only chance was to be able to sneak between them and escape through Diagon Alley. 

- _Experliarmus_! I tried on the women, missing her. 

The men casted a silent curse at me, and since he didn’t call it, I didn’t see it coming before the purple light hit my left arm, and it burned pretty bad. Not looking at it, I tried to aim for him in riposte. 

_\- Petrificus totallus_! I tried, turning my wand at the women at the last second, taking her by surprise, as she was casting Crucio against me once again. I dodged it, but she didn’t. She fell on the ground, stunned.

The man didn’t look at her, our wands pointing at one another. Remembering that he could do silent casting, I was highly on my guards. 

\- You scum, if you think for one second that you can win this... 

\- Well, I like my chances, one on one, is it not? I said, trying not to look at my arm, where I felt warm liquid going down and dripping (clearly blood). 

\- He’s coming, you didn’t notice her call on him, don’t you? He snarled. 

\- How so? Wasn’t it impossible to apparate here? 

\- The way is locked to disapparate, not to apparate. 

\- And why on earth would he want to meet me? 

\- It’s pretty personal between him and your parents. The dark lord wanted them to know it would be his doing. 

I listened to him, while not dropping my guard. I was very focus on his wand, waiting for his next move. It indeed moved and automatically, I cast a Protego once again. After two times doing the same thing, I thought that I would have to use something defensive, to get rid of him and be able to run before Voldemort arrive. Because I was no fool, my only chance was to flee within the next minutes. 

\- _Experlliarmus_ , I tried again, but he dodged, and there was another purple light, I tried to dodge it, but it grazed my knee, causing another burn in my flesh. 

I clenched my teeth, not wanting to show him that he hurt me, and had a wild idea. What I needed was to make something that would disrupt his focus. Without overthinking it, I raised my wand. 

\- _Lumos maxima!_

The light was a very big contrast in that dark alleyway and I knew that it would prevent him to see for precious seconds. Closing my eyes as soon as the flashing light erupted from my wand, I jumped on the side. As the light faded, he was looking where I was and that gave me the precious seconds I needed to surprise him. 

\- _Experlliarmus_! I shouted once again, but this time it worked. His wand left his hand and landed in mine.

What now? Do I try to tie him? Is it true about Voldemort? Should I just run? As I was thinking about that, I saw a black shadow arriving between me and the still standing death eater. I had my back to Diagon Alley, so I just ran for it, the death eater’s wand still in hand. I sure as hell am not waiting to see who was coming. As I passed the magical barrier they made up to isolate me from Diagon Alley, the sound of the crowd all around me made me shiver from relief. I spotted my friends, very near, talking actively between them, probably wondering where I was. I run to them. 

\- WE’RE LEAVING, NOW! I shouted to them, before disapparating on the spot. 

The first place that came in mind was the bedroom I was in as I was living at Potter’s Manor. I was stunned for a moment, before I heard Sirius calling my name, followed by running footsteps in the corridor. I closed my eyes to try to keep my cool when he would arrive. 

\- Dorcas? 

I opened my eyes to see Sirius coming in the room. 

\- I’m okay, Sirius, I murmured, as he was coming closer. 

\- You’re covered in blood! What happened to you? He asked, worry clear in his voice. 

\- I got attacked by death eaters, I said, still trying to stay strong, not wanting to look at my injuries. Where are James and Lily? I asked. 

\- I don’t know. When you shouted at us to come back, there was confusion to where you meant. Maybe they’re at your gran. They will figure it out. Are you hurt? What did they do to you? He asked me, now taking my face in his hands and looking me pretty intensely in the eyes. 

\- I’m fine, stop worrying, I said again, looking back at him. 

There was something pretty intense going on between us. Our eyes were connected and he was so close that I could feel his warm breath. One of his hand caressed my cheek, and my breath hitched a little. He looked at my lips and I was pretty sure he was going to kiss me, and I wanted him to, so badly... 

\- Dorcas???? 

That was Lily, calling for me. Sirius shook his head, like getting out from a trance. His hands fell along his body and he took a step back. 

\- We’re here! He replied to Lily. 

A second later James and her came running to our room. She took me in and I saw the worry in her face. 

\- What happened to you? James, go fetch a medical kit! She demanded to him. 

He _Accio_ it immediately. She made me sit on the bench at the end of the bed. 

\- Go on, love, tell us everything, she said. 

\- I... I was with you lot, then I heard a child crying... I began, while she was taking off my coat. 

\- I’ll need to tear your sweater, hon, she said. 

\- It’s fine. I don’t like it that much anyway, I said. 

That was an ordinary blue long sleeves t-shirt, I had tons of shirts like this one. 

\- I went in that tiny alley to see if the girl lost her parents or something... The fact is, there was no girl, it was an illusion. Made by death eaters to trap me. 

\- Why? I heard James ask. 

Lily was now delicately tearing my sleeve near my shoulder with her wand. 

\- To make me pay for my parents' victories against them. OUTCH! I said, because Lily was pulling on my sleeve, who was glued to my arm by blood. 

\- Sorry, sorry, she apologized to me. 

She succeeded removing it. 

\- How does it look? I asked her. 

\- Oh, the cut is quite deep. James, quick, give me Dittany essence, please. How did you get that? She asked me, while pouring the liquid in the cut. 

\- I don’t know, the bastard was good at silent casting, I said. So, as I was saying, outch, be gentle, Red, there was two death eaters who trapped me in that alley. I was unable to disapparate, and they magically hid the alley from where you were. By-the-way, they were wearing mask, but I’m pretty sure they were the weird couple I saw looking at me in front of Potage’s earlier... 

\- How did you manage to escape? Sirius asked, looking impressed. 

\- I managed to petrified the woman at first, after she attempted to do the Cruciatus curse on me couple of time... Then, the man attacked me as I was casting Protego. 

Lily was now kneeling in front of me, looking at my knee. 

\- Well, I’m afraid I’ll have to ruin your pants too, Dore, she said. 

\- It’s fine, I answered her. 

She tore them around my right thigh. 

\- Then... Where was I? Oh, yeah, I had a very stupid idea, I casted Lumos Maxima to blind him, then I move behind him pretty fast, and managed to disarm him, then. 

\- Whoa, that’s awesome, Meadowes, I’m impressed! Said James. 

\- OH. I almost forgot, I still got his wand... There, I said, pointing it were it laid on the floor. James got it and look at it. 

\- And then? He said. 

\- I wish I could have tied them, but the man said that Voldemort was on his way. 

\- WHAT? Said Lily, removing my tore pants too quickly because of the surprise. 

\- OUTCH LILY??? I shouted in pain. I know it’s crazy, the man told me that it was a personal matter between my parent and him... So, when I saw him arrived, I flee like a coward, I said, a little ashamed. 

\- Love, I’m so glad you did, he’s too powerful, you could've... Lily began. 

\- I guess you’re right... I said. 

\- Don’t you dare be ashamed, you just won against two death eaters, you’re a bad ass, Meadowes, said Sirius with a crooked smile. 

\- Well, I did, didn’t I? I smiled at him, then grimacing a little in reaction of Lily pouring Dittany on my knee. 

She then bandaged my two injuries pretty efficiently before she sat next to me. 

\- That could’ve turned so badly… She murmured, horrified. Your mom was right, Dore, we’ll need to watch our backs better than we did until now… She added. 

I got some big shivers and my teeth began clattering. What's going on? I guess that's what being shocked does... Lily took me in her arms and hugged me. Mrs. Potter arrived at that moment in the door frame. 

\- Hey? James, you didn’t tell me we would have visitors? She said, looking at us, smiling, then, seeing our expressions and my bandages, her expression turned fast to one of worrying. 

\- What happened? She asked, coming closer to me. 

\- Dorcas got attacked on Diagon Alley. Death eaters, said James. 

\- Merlin! Why? Are you all okay? She asked us, with an astonished and worried expression. 

\- Yes. I'm okay, I said. They ambushed me and I managed to escape... 

Moments later, we were all sitting in the living room, and Mrs. Potter was coming back from the kitchen with hot tea. 

\- She saw them before we went in Potage's. They were staring at her. Why would they risk to attack in a public place like Diagon Alley? said Sirius. 

\- Maybe my mom was right. My parents are getting them angry. They putted a lot of them in prison, they changed strategy and want to get revenge from them through me. 

\- That's insane! Lili said. 

Before I could have the chance to answer her, the fireplace illuminated and Dumbledore stepped out of it, removing ashes with his wand, before he looked up at us, with a concerned expression. 

\- Professor Dumbledore, Sir? Asked James with a frown. 

\- Good evening, James, and to all of you. I’m guessing you’re all wandering what I’m doing here, uninvited, am I right? 

\- I called him, said Mrs. Potter, now sitting with James’s father, whom seemed very tired, like he just woke up. Would you like some tea, Albus? She asked Dumbledore. 

\- Sure, that would be lovely, Euphemia, thank you, He answered her. Evening, Fleamont, he said, looking at James’ dad. 

\- Hello, Dumbledore, he answered him. 

James’ mother served another cup, while Dumbledore came to sit in the couch in front of the one I’m seated in, Sirius next to him. He looked at me over his half-moon-shaped-glasses. 

\- So, miss Meadowes, Euphemia told me that you got attacked on Diagon Alley? Care to tell me everything? 

I do know that Dumbledore was pretty deeply involved in fighting Voldemort and his followers, secretly. I eavesdropped him with my parents many times, talking about strategies to caught death eaters and other stuff revolving around the same theme. I often heard them calling the operation, or the group, more likely, The Order of the phoenix. 

\- Ok, but I want in, Professor. 

\- In what, exactly? He said, clearly playing dumb. 

\- You know, in The order of the phoenix, I can help. More now that I have a target on my back, I realised. 

\- Let’s discuss about this once you finished your Hogwarts studies, is that enough for you? Your parents would kill me if you were to enroll at seventeen, he said. 

I looked at him and he seemed like he was sincere, and since I trusted him, I choose to believe him that I would be part of it. Also, he’s damn right about my parents’ ire towards him if I joined the “resistance” right now. When I’ll be of age though, they won’t have a say in it. I looked at Sirius, seated just next to Dumbledore, and his gaze was piercing through me... I forced my eyes to focus back on Dumbledore. 

\- Hm. Fine. We’ll have to come back on that matter later, I insisted. 

\- We will, now go on, miss Meadowes, he pressed me, with an encouraging smile. 

\- Well... My parents told me that I might be targeted because of them, but I don’t think that they would have thought that I was at risk of being attacked in the middle of Diagon Alley... We were going to Potages, when I spotted a man and a woman, looking at me in a weird and intense way... 

\- How were they, what did they look like? He asked me. 

\- Heum... She was a brunette, in, I would say, her thirties, with long brown curly hair, dark eyes, golden colored skin, pretty skinny... And the man was pretty tall, I would say more than 6 feet, long raven black straight hair, grey eyes, around the same age or younger than the woman, pale skin... 

\- I see... He said, pensively. 

\- You know them? I asked. 

\- Maybe, go on... He pressed me. 

\- If that could help, here’s the man’s wand, I mentionned, pointing at the long black wand on the coffee table. 

\- It will, thank you, he said, taking it in his hands and looking at it. Then? 

\- Er... Then, we went inside Potages’s, we bought stuff, and we got back in the street, and that’s when it happened... I said, retelling it for the second time. 

Dumbledore, who was sipping his tea, looked at me before speaking again, after I finished reciting what happened. 

\- I forgot to tell you, Dorcas, I sent someone to let your parents know about this, he mentioned. 

\- Of course, you would know where they are. I said, pouting. Because you’re the one that sent them away, aren’t you? I asked, forgetting for an instant whom I’m speaking with, because the realisation hit me. 

\- I’m not discussing the order’s plans here, Miss Meadowes, but let’s say that you’re right. 

At that moment my parents stumbled through the fireplace and threw themselves at me, as I was standing up. There was another round of worrying, explanations, consternation... For a while. James’s mother asked the elves to prepare a big dinner for all of us and insisted that we all stay, what everyone’s agreed. My dad went to fetch my gran for her to join us. We all took place at the big dinner table with the Potters and ate a wonderful meal. It was weird to see that, after a big stress like this, everyone was happy and enjoying themselves. But I guess that when life throw something bad at your face, you have even more the reason to enjoy every moment. What would’ve happened if I didn’t have the time to flee when Voldemort arrived? The thought knocked me off. I put my glass of water back on the table and looked at my half-eaten meal, fixing it, thinking of what could’ve happened in the small Alley. I sensed a hand on my left wrist, that took me back from my dark thoughts. I looked up at Sirius, who was the one touching me. 

\- Are you okay, Dorcas? He asked, looking concerned. 

\- Yeah. I am, I just thought... Nevermind... 

I didn’t really want to talk about it and ruin the mood. He squeezed my wrist a little before he released it. Lily and James, who were sitting with us at the end of the table, stopped talking and looked at us. 

\- Are you two finished? James asked us, clearly wanting to go somewhere quieter to talk. 

I pushed my plate and putted my table napkin in it, standing up. I too wanted to go somewhere away from our parents and Dumbledore to discuss. Sirius took one last bite and did the same. We excused ourselves from the dinner table and went to James’s bedroom. I never went in, I just saw it briefly when he gave me the tour of the manor. It was huge. And it was very Hogwarts-like, more like Gryffindor-like. Red and gold everywhere, with a couch and two armchairs in front of a big fireplace. I raised my wand and cast an incendio in it to start a warm fire. Now it really felt like we were in Gryffindor common room and that appeased me a little, in a way. I think that’s because Hogwarts always felt like home to me. Even if I do have a home, my home was very modern and, I don’t know, cold? I didn’t understand why on earth my brain feels like an old, cold and humid castle was feeling warmer than my own home... Lily and me took place on the couch while the boys sat in the armchairs. 

\- So, Lily said, who here knew something about The order of the phoenix? 

\- James, Sirius and me rose a hand in the air. 

\- Really? Well, thanks, guys, she said, crossing her arms, pouting a little. 

\- I don’t know that much, Lils. That’s why I never told you, I said. 

\- Us either, and to be fair, we are pretty recently dating, Lily-Flower, you still don’t know that much about me, added James, winking at her. 

\- Fair enough... And what do you know, then...? She asked us. 

\- I eavesdropped Dumbledore with my parents a couple of times. I think it’s a bunch of people making undercover and secret missions against Voldemort and the death eaters, I said. 

\- That’s what we know too. My parents are too old to be an active part of it, but I think they finances some operations and plays a role of consultants or something like it for the order... I did the same as you did, Meadowes, by-the-way. I asked Dumbledore to be a part of it. Pads, too. He told us the same thing he told you, that we needed to finish our studies, first. What a party-pooper, that man, he said, smirking. 

I laughed at this with him. 

\- Agree, I said, like we’re not able to help before we’re eighteen. I just defended myself quite efficiently against two death eaters, didn’t I? 

\- Damn right you did! Said Sirius. What could we do until then? He asked us. 

We all took a moment to think about it. Hogwarts was one of the safest places that exist in the magical world. Which was a good thing, for sure, but also it isolated us from the world while we’re there. So, what could we do inside of those thick walls? 

\- Actually, your defense this afternoon got me thinking, Meadowes, James said to me. 

\- How so? I asked him, intrigued. 

\- We know how to duel, but your idea to pull a distraction was actually a good idea. As mischievers, we got a lot of tricks that could do well to distract their attention too... 

\- Good idea, I guess that a lot of stuff from Barging and Burke’s could do... Said Sirius. 

\- Great, and I don’t know, we could also spy on suspicious snakes? I suggested. 

\- We did that a little bit already, said James. We know which of them are about to join the Death eaters, he added, looking at Lily with precaution. 

I did know the source of his worrying. 

\- James Potter, if you say that Severus... 

\- Nothing for sure yet, Lily, but you do know that it’s a strong possibility. He’s hanging out a lot with Dolohov and the others... James answered her, with a concerned tone. 

\- I know. Merlin, I know... I did kick him out of my life for a reason, you know. I just don’t... I’m not ready to discuss this, about him... She said sadly. 

\- Fine, we won’t, then. He said softly, standing up from his armchair to come sit at her side, taking her in his arms with affection. 

My parents came a little while later to told me and Lily that we were going back at gran’s. Exhausted as we were, everybody went straight to bed. We were getting under the blanket when I decided to open up to Lily. 

\- Lily, I need to confess something… I began 

\- Okay, what is it? 

\- Sirius and me... I think we nearly kiss. 

\- You what now? When? How? 

\- It was weird. It was just after we flee the death eaters... When we arrived in his bedroom, we kinda had a moment, I think... 

\- Really? And why did it not happen? 

\- Because you guys arrived. 

\- Oh... I’m sorry, hon. 

\- Well, as you were worried sick about me, I’m not blaming you. 

\- I was, Merlin, when I saw you appeared from the crowd, covered in blood... Then disapparate, I panicked. 

\- Thank you, for the taking care of my injuries part, I said. 

\- It was nothing. But... Dore, still sorry I ruined a possible snogging session. 

\- Don’t worry about that, maybe that was all in my head, too, you know. I do have a fertile imagination. 

\- I guess we’ll never know? 

\- Yup. ‘Night, Red. 

\- ‘Night, Dore. 

It was weird that after the attack where I could have died, the thought of Sirius is the one taking all the place in my head while trying to fall asleep. Just thinking about him makes me feel like something is burning in the pit of my stomach. Ok, I just need to stop trying to figure out what could've happened and sleep. Easier said than done, isn’t it? I tried hard to empty my head and after some time I finally fell asleep. 


	13. Of Hogwarts and QG

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ride to Hogwarts and friendly beginning of term reunion

Chapter 13: Of Hogwarts and Mystery room

4 days later, my parents, who had stayed with us at my gran until it was time for us to go back to school, came with us to 9 ¾’s gate, using Floo powder. We spotted James waiting for us (or more like, waiting for his girl) in front of the first entrance of the train. My parents hugged us and repeated to me for the hundredth time to take care of myself, to never go anywhere without my wand, and, to remember the spells they taught me within the last few days. Defensives spells, and others to create diversions... I reassured them again, and I followed Lily in direction of James. He took Lily’s suitcase from her and Lily, in return, took Colonel’s cage from me, leaving me only my too-heavy-of-a-suitcase to painfully carry in the stairs leading to the train’s corridor. And of course, the compartment the boys chose was the last one in the train, so I arrived there sweating and clearly at my best. Usually I would have used my wand, but the corridor was full of students and I would certainly have banged someone on the head with my suitcase while doing it. Surely, I was at my best right now to be facing Sirius. Thanks again, life. Indeed, he was comfortably sitting across the bench, his back to the window and his legs crossed at the other side of the seat. He smiled at me when I entered.

\- Morning, Meadowes, he said.

\- Morning, I huffed, dropping my suitcase.

I fetched my wand from my back pocket and levitate my suitcase to put it on top of Sirius’s seat, while James was sitting with Lily in the bench facing us. I looked at them, then at Sirius and wondered where to seat myself. I was interrupted in my ambivalence by Remus and Peter’s entrance. Remus dropped his suitcase and came to greet me with a hug.

\- Nice to see you, Dorcas, he said in my ear while hugging me. I was worried sick after James told me what happened to you in Diagon Alley… He murmured.

\- I’m fine, don’t worry...

I saw, over his shoulder, that Sirius seated himself promptly and was scowling at us. I took a step back from Remus and said Hi to Peter, before I seated myself at Lily’s side, leaving the boys to seat with Sirius. The train left the station at this moment, shaking us a little. A minute later, I saw Marlene opening the door to our compartment abruptly.

\- Dorcas!!!! She shouted.

And she jumped on my lap, hugging me very tightly, like, I would suffocate if she doesn’t let go soon... She did release me after a couple of seconds, leaving my lungs to restart doing their job.

\- Are you okay, hon??? I was so worry about you!!! I got your letter this morning!!! She said, clearly worried.

\- I’m fine, Lene, don’t worry! I said, to calm her down.

\- How can you say that!? Somebody purposely attacked you on freaking Diagon Alley!!! You could have died!!! She added.

\- I know. But, I’m alive and well, so let’s not make a big deal out of it? I said.

She nodded, but stayed on my lap, still hugging me, but this time, leaving me space to breath. At that moment, I spotted Mary, who was now entering the compartment too, and she came squeezing my shoulder with affection.

\- We’re very glad you’re okay, Dorcas. Come on, Marlene, let’s go back to our compartment, it’s a little too crowded here... She said to Marlene.

\- In fact, you two can stay, James and me have to meet the other prefects in a minute. Come, James. Later, you lot, said Lily, getting up.

\- Later, lovebirds, said Marlene, sliding from my lap to sat on the bench at my side. So, you need to tell me everything in details, Dore...!

Mary came to sit next to Marlene, in front of Sirius, near to the window. I told the story another time, with everybody except Sirius paying good attention to it, his gaze lost in the landscape scrolling fast as the train went by. The ride went smoothly, we talked casually for a while, interrupted now and then by James and Lily who came to see us for a bit while doing their rounds of the train. We finally arrived at Hogwarts a little before dinner. As usual, the passengers splitted up, the ridiculously little first years (We, for sure, were not that little when we arrived at first, were we?) going with Hagrid, the gate keeper, to cross the lake with the gondolas and get the best view of the castle for their first time here. The rest of us headed in the direction of the thestrals leading the carriages to the castle. I did see them, since my third year, after I assisted at my grandpa’s death at St-Mungos with my family. It was sad, but it was a very serene death, by age and not by sickness, after a full and happy life. But nonetheless, I nearly had a heart-attack when I came back to school a month later and saw that those carriages were pulled by tall black creepy skeletal horses. After the surprise’s past, I began to realise that I wasn’t the only one seeing them, and that they looked actually friendly enough. I followed my friends in the direction of the first carriage where we squeezed, all height of us, Lily on James's lap and Marlene on Mary’s. I was myself squeezed between Sirius and James. I sense Sirius's right arm and leg glued to my left side because of the lack of space. It felt warm against me and I can’t deny that I was liking it.

We arrived at the entrance of the castle, dropped our suitcases in the entrance hall and went to sit at Gryffondor's table in the Great hall. As usual, the Sorting took FOREVER while we were going in the way of starvation (okay, maybe I’m over-dramatic a little, but I tend to get cranky when I’m hungry). Dumbledore presented to us our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, a smiling woman with a pixie haircut of chestnut hair and bright purple eyes and named Eve Rosewood. She looked at us with a smile that looked sincere and I was actually looking forward to meet her. Dumbledore reminded us that the Forbidden forest, as the name says it, is forbidden, except if we wanted to suffer a horrible death, he also said that duels in the corridor were not allowed, looking at the Slytherins and then at the boys surrounding me (The marauders), and after he wished us a ‘’Bon Appétit” the food finally appeared.

After treating ourselves with the amazing feast (Merlin did I miss the Hogwarts elves and their marvelous cooking skills), we headed upstairs to the Gryffindor tower. We went directly unto our dorm to unpack. After that, the girls came around me on my bed and we opened a bottle of goblin wine, Marlene’s treat, and since we didn’t have any glasses up here, we drank from the bottle itself.

\- So, said Marlene, two things I want to know. First, Lily, you must spill it all on us, you did write to us that you and Potter were together, but you left all the juicy details!

\- Well, it was too long to write it down, easier to tell you both face to face. Here’s how it happened...

And Lily told them all about it from what happened at the night club, the beach, the movie theater... Mary told us that she too saw the movie Star Wars and that she loved it.

\- And now that this is covered, Dor, how are things going with Sirius? He was staring at you all the way to Hogwarts... She said, smirking.

\- What? He wasn’t, I said.

\- Not all the time, but, yeah, he was staring a lot, said Mary, taking the bottle from me and taking a sip from it.

\- I told her, that you fancy him, added Marlene, stating the obvious.

\- I don’t FANCY him, I said.

\- Yeah, sure, Dor... riposted Marlene, rolling her eyes.

\- And you Marlene, still planning to get Remus? I asked her, stealing the bottle from her to take a swig at it.

\- I’ll sure try! Speaking of which, should we go to them? Maybe they’re in the Common room? She asked, finishing the bottle.

Okay, this bottle was emptied in 15 minutes, which is ridiculous.

\- OH. OH! I have a better idea, I said, getting excited.

\- What? Asked Marlene.

\- I discovered something, the night before we left, last year. I didn’t tell you because I wanted to keep the surprise for our final year. Guys, it’s so awesome you won’t believe it, I explained.

\- Okay, now you spill it out, girl, or I will die from the expectation! Shouted Marlene.

\- I’ll do better than that, I’ll show you. What time is it? I asked.

\- Heum, it’s a little past ten, answered Lily, looking at the clock on the wall.

\- Sooo, chances are, no one left in the Common room? We could sneak out? I said.

\- And get caught out of bed by Filch and or his horrible cat on our first night here? Mary said, clearly worried.

\- Don’t be a wuss, Marlene teased her. Let’s do this! She exclaimed, clearly excited.

We pushed Mary out of the dorm, giggling and hushing to try to be subtle, what we were miserably failing at. When we arrived in the Common room, we spotted James and Sirius, who were alone there and playing wizards chess. They looked at us when we arrived, arching a brow at us, questioningly.

\- Hey girls, where are you going? Asked James.

\- … Nowhere! Said Lily, laughing a little too hard, not at all acting suspicious.

\- Are you lot sneaking out? Asked Sirius, smirking.

\- Maybe? I said.

\- To where? He asked.

\- To a place called None of your business? I tried.

He and James rose up from the couch and came to meet us.

\- We’re bored, intrigued and totally going, said Sirius. And you should know that your chances to get caught if we go with are almost inexistent.

\- How is that? I asked, crossing my arms.

\- Just have faith, added James, smiling at Sirius knowingly.

\- Okay, suit yourself and come, then, I agreed.

\- Where to? Asked James.

\- Not far, we stay on the 7th floor.

\- Okay, give me a minute, he said.

He turned his back to us, and took a paper from his pocket and he and Sirius looked at it, but told us not to come close, those secretive bastards. Not long after, he turned back to us.

\- It’s cleared, we can go.

Turning my tongue not to say something harsh because I was frustrated by the fact that I still didn’t know how they do it, I opened the portrait instead and went out. Sirius came by my side as I was taking the lead.

\- You reek of liquor, Fury, he stated, clearly amused.

\- I don’t. It was just… A little goblin wine, to celebrate the new term.

\- Interesting, next time I’ll know where the fun is, he said.

\- You can’t even come up our dorms, I said, knowing that boys were sliding down the stairs when they attempt to come visit girls' dormitories.

\- Your lack of faith in me is very annoying, he smirked at me.

We ended up in front of the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy. I stopped and told them to stay back. I passed in front of the wall facing the tapestry, thinking hard: “I need a place to hang out with my friends’’.

\- What the bloody hell are you doing? Asked Sirius.

I didn’t respond, hushing him instead without looking at him, and repeated my sentence while passing another time in front of the wall. I did hope that it’ll work. I found out about this while I was desperate to find a bathroom before I would pee on myself on my way back to the Common Room. I was pacing, praying that my bladder would hold up, when I saw a door appearing before my eyes. I never thought there was a bathroom there. I came back the day after, and there was no door, but I was pretty sure that was the spot. In front of Barnabas’s tapestry, I was sure of it, being a pretty observant person. I wondered in front of it, thinking that it made no sense. I came back the same night, after dinner, still thinking in front of it. After a while, my thoughts derived from the question at hand and I began to think that it was a shame that the Common Room was so crowded, because I wish I had a calm spot to read. Another door appeared. I thought that the bathroom just showed itself at certain moments? Or maybe you need to feel the need to go to the loo... But I didn’t really have the need to go right on the spot? I opened the door and closed it before the light opened and I found myself in a cozy small library, with comfy plush armchairs and reading lamps. What the hell? I remembered that I did thought about finding a nice quiet place to study… Maybe the room transformed in what I want? Wanting to test the theory, I stepped out of the room and thought about how I did it. I was pacing in front of it, focusing. I decided to think about a place to study for my Defense-against-the-dark-arts exam, that I’ll have tomorrow, last day of the term. I thought about it and pace in front of the wall. Nothing. I did it again. And again. The door appeared after the third time. I opened it and it was way bigger, with a couch, a studying table with defenses books on it, and there was also dummies at the end of the room, to practise on. WHOA. This was the discovery of the century. Why on earth did I found this a year before the end of my studies at Hogwarts? This school was bloody awesome. I tested it couple of times more, to be sure it worked the way I was thinking. After half an hour, I obtained a bedroom, a bathroom with a gigantic bath and a ballroom.

Coming back to the present, I repeated the sentence in my head another time, while pacing in front of the wall and thank Merlin, the door appeared to us. Everyone were gasping and wondering what was happening. I turned back, smiling at them, and opened the door to let them in. They came in and I closed the door behind us. The room lighted up to reveal a very warm and cozy space, looking a little like the Common room, with scarlet couches and a big fireplace. There was also a big turntable playing The Immortal’s music, my favorite music band. There was a wizard's chess table, books, board games and everything we would need for a chilling spot with friends. The only thing missing was food and booze. But I do know that those are limits to transfiguration and that the room seemed to respect those. You cannot create food from thin air, just summon some from somewhere else. Something that James seemed to have master, indeed, I thought while seeing him summoning a bottle of Firewhisky from, I guessed, his suitcase. Glasses appeared on the small table in front of the fireplace a second after. He raised a brow and turned to face me.

\- What exactly is this place, Meadowes? He asked me, while pouring the liquor in the glasses.

He gave a glass to everyone as we were sitting ourselves on the couch and armchairs or on the floor.

\- I’m kinda surprised you lot didn’t know about it, actually, I said, pointing him and Sirius with my chin, you seemed to know every bit of the castle...!

\- We know the castle well enough, but I’m sure we don’t have enough of a lifetime to discover everything about it... James said.

\- I think it’s a room who is set to respond to your desire...I explained. I first found it at the end of term last year, panicking because I needed to pee very bad... It appeared as a bathroom. Then, I came back and it wasn’t there, so after multiple tests on it, I’ve learned that you need to think of what you want while pacing in front of it, and after three times you passed in front of it, it appears.

\- It could be what we want? Asked Sirius.

\- I think, I guessed it has limits, but I tried with couple of different places and got it, I said.

\- Well, isn’t it practical...? He added, thinking about the possibilities, I guessed by his expression.

\- Let’s make this our hanging out spot from now on, said James, raising his glass at us for a cheer.

\- Okay, but we need to keep it a secret, we don’t want this place jam-packed like the Common Room! Said Marlene. It’s just for our group and yours, boys, I mean it. No sneaking girls here or else! She added, looking at Sirius with malicious eyes.

\- Really? Now you’re ruining it, he said back to her.

\- I agree, said James, only us, and we add Moony and Pete, of course, he added.

We all agreed to the terms, it would officially become our GQ. We drank and hang out for a while, enjoying the night together and forgetting that we would be up soon tomorrow morning. I spotted the turntable and decided to go see what other music choices we have. There was a small disk storage under the turntable so I sat on the floor to look through it. I was beginning to take them out to look at the titles when I sense someone sitting by my side. I looked up from the disks and saw that it was Sirius.

\- Something good? He asked.

\- Well, all the Immortals disks, which is already pretty awesome, I said.

\- You’re a fan of those vampires? He asked me.

\- I am. And not just because Dorian is the most beautiful person in the world, I like the sound of it, the lyrics, the voices melodies, everything, I said passionately.

\- A groupie, I see? He said, smirking.

\- Yup. Completely.

\- What is it with girls and vampires? You know he would bit you, right?

\- Would he? I wish he would.

\- Are you really that silly?

\- Of course, I’m not, Black. He can’t bite, you know it, it’s against the law to do it to someone without mutual agreement.

I raised my eyes to meet his, intending to smirk at him. But, his stare was so intense that I felt like my body was liquefying on the spot.

Before we had the chance to say something else, James called us.

\- Okay guys, it’s getting pretty late, I’ve checked, the way is cleared to the tower, but we need to go like, now.

I got up promptly, too shy to look back at Sirius. Marlene came by me and put her arm around my waist to lead me with her in the direction of the Gryffindor tower. She whispered to me how much she loved me (She was a little tipsy, obviously) and that this room I found was the most marvelous thing we could have, and how an awesome year it will be. We went back to the Common Room and as I was following the girls up the stairs, I risked a glance back, and I saw Sirius heading for the boys dorm’s stairs. His eyes met mine and he winked at me, with a smile. I just turned back on my heels and practically ran on top of the stairs, where our dorm was. We went straight to bed, because it was past midnight now and we’ll have to get up in more or less 6 hours to shower before breakfast. I turned on my back, unable to stop my brain swirling about Sirius for a while.


	14. Of NEWTS and Potions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beginning of NEWTS' year and Potions overdose

**Chapter 14: Of NEWT’s and Potions**

I woke up with Lily shaking me and hurrying me to get up or I would miss breakfast. I felt like a zombie, because of the ingestion of alcohol, and also because clearly, I had a hard time falling asleep and missed a couple of good hours of sleep. I finally got up and went to the bathroom. When I saw my face in front of the mirror, I almost shrieked. There were dark circles under my eyes and my hair were a real mess. Marlene, who was putting on some make-up, looked at me.

\- You poor thing. Let me help you real quick!

Too tired to protest, I just stayed there, pouting a little. I was just so tired, I swore to Merlin, if McGonagall would announce to me that I’ll be off for the first period (which can happen, since our NEWTS year is less charged in terms of classes, but tougher in terms of out-of-classes work) I’ll crawl straight back to bed. Marlene took my hair and easily put them in a messy bun on top of my head, which kinda suits me well, but I myself was unable to do it as good as she does. She then putted a small black line of eyeliner under my eyes and a little touch of mascara. I looked back at my reflection and it was undeniably better, not perfect, because I still just needed to sleep more, but it would do just fine, I guess. I don’t put on make-up often, most of the time, it’s Marlene who likes a little too much to take me as her doll. Thing is, I usually don’t mind, because I was prettier after without any effort on my part. I was a totally and entirely assumed lazy person.

\- Okay, now get dress so we can go eat, I’m famished! She said to me, pushing me out of the bathroom.

I managed to get dressed quickly, and I followed my roommates out of the dorm. James was waiting for us in the Common Room, getting up as he saw us coming down. He came to kiss Lily and walk down with her. When we arrived in the Great Hall, I spotted the rest of the boys eating and laughing. James went to take the seat at Sirius’s side and Lily sat near to him. Remus, who was in front of them, patted the seat next to him on the bench, smiling at me. I obliged, returning his smile.

\- McGonagall is giving this year schedules, he said. Did you decided to continue potions?

Remus knew how deeply I hate potions.

\- No choice if I want to try to be an Auror for a career, I need to have impeccable NEWTS in potions too. Arf...

\- I’m sure it will go well. Lily and me will help you with it, right Lily? He said, looking at her.

\- Of course, hon. I’m sure you will even like that, she answered.

\- I would not put a galleon on that if I were you, but thanks, guys, I replied, taking a toast and a jar of strawberry jam to garnish it.

Professor McGonagall gave us our timetables. My hopes and dreams were all crushed at once when I saw that not only didn’t I have the first period off, but even worse, that I would spend my first morning of the term agonizing in double potions. Thing is, Potions are a real struggle for me. And to be an Auror, even before the three years of training, I first of all need to get an Outstanding or at least an Exceeds Expectations in my NEWTS in Defense Against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration, Herbology, Charms and sadly in Potions, too. I knew that this year I would have to double the efforts I put in my studies. I’ve always managed to have good grades, but this year would be different, because I NEED TO. If I don’t, there’s no chance I’ll get selected. Few people are, and after that, the three years training are, as my parents told me, extraordinarily challenging. I looked back at my timetable while eating. I realised that the NEWTS year schedule was different. All of my five NEWTS subjects were double instead of being two times a week. And my schedule is lighter than before, seeing that I chose only five subjects. Monday, after lunch, I’m off. Then Tuesday, I have the morning off, then double Transfiguration. Wednesday, I begin the day with double Herbology, then off for the afternoon. Thursday, I have double Defense Against the Dark Arts in the morning and finally, Friday afternoon, I finish the week with double Charms. I planned to use all of my time-off to work and study, and with luck, that would leave me all week nights and some time off during the week-ends.

I did work very fast, that was one of my strengths. I didn’t know why, I didn’t need that much time to think before I wrote something. I can easily research, study and write two-times faster than the others. Now fellow students and teachers are used to it, but at first, when they saw me get out of an exam after less than an hour, everyone was thinking that I choked under the pressure and that I would flunk the exam. So, it was the same when it comes to doing my homework's and study, and that’s why I’ll be able to stay in the Quidditch’s team this year, because we practice once or twice a week (and even three times a week when Potter get zealous). I’m not incredibly brilliant or clever, I do work for it, I study, practice and everything, I’m just faster to do those things. Sometimes, at particularly tough exams, I stay long after I’m finished, just because I don’t want the others to resent me or to be pressured by my early leaving.

We finished eating and then quickly went back to our dorms to fetch our books and material for potions, well, except for Mary and Marlene who didn’t take that class and were ever so lucky having the first morning off. We arrived a while later in potion class (in addition to not liking that class, it also was quite a long walk) and I seated myself in the first row with Lily, who is an insufferable fan of Slughorn, our potion teacher. And it was reciprocated, because she was an amazingly-good potion-maker. She was actually part of a very-close-circle of students who’s Slughorn invite for get-togethers and parties from time to time, it was called Slug’s Club. Only pretty talented students and those who were from famous families (or acquainted to famous people) were invited. Since I had nothing to do with famous people and also was very not a Potions-passionate person, I was obviously not invited. I didn’t mind though, I can’t say that I felt like I was missing out, and I didn’t have much time left between school work, Quidditch practices and social life.

James, who usually was sitting at the back with his crew, took the place at Lily’s other side, followed by a clearly annoyed Sirius, who clearly wasn’t happy with the new seating arrangements. While Slughorn was introducing the NEWTS’s year, I took a piece of parchment and tear a little piece to write on it.

_**What’s with the long face? Afraid that it would get harder to mischief that close to Slughorn?** _

I subtly pushed the piece of paper to Sirius’s hand with a movement of my elbow. Surprised, he looked at me, then at the paper, before he opened it under his cauldron. I saw his lips turning up a little. He removed the ink with a flicker of his wand and wrote something, before he gave it back to me.

_**Not enough sleep, being stuck at the front of the class because of Evans... But don’t underestimate my mischief talents, or you could be the next victim...** _

Being unable to silent cast like him, I just wrote an answer under his.

_**I’m scared to death!** _

I gave it back to him with a smile. He opened it, removed the ink and wrote back. Slughorn was telling us we were to do an Ageing potion today. Sirius gave me back the paper before he rose up to fetch potion ingredients. I opened it before going myself.

**_Sounds like a challenge. You better watch your back. Thanks for the distracting new purpose, Meadowes._ **

Well, I don’t know if I should be scared now. Those boys did have a lot of pranking experiences and I sure didn’t want to look like a fool in front of the entire school. Ruminating about my smart-mouth, who often caused me trouble, I went to look for my ingredients and begin brewing my potion. Lily was giving me advices now and then and I noted all of them in my book, to study it in addition to the book for the NEWTS. Because she won’t be able to help me then, won’t she? I will be all alone trying not to suck at Potions and doing my best to get an ‘’E’’ (Of course, I’m not foolish enough to think that I could get an ‘’O’’). Somehow, I managed to accomplish an average-good mixture who pleased Slughorn. To be fair, he was so used to my mediocrity in his class that every time my potion is okay-ish, he’s praising me. But, I sure as hell don’t know how I could have accomplished the miracle to got an ‘’E’’ last year, and I was more than sure that without more efforts, I would not be able to re-do the impossible. That’s why I stayed after class to talk to Slughorn. After everybody left, I inspired deeply and went to see him as he was sorting vials for what I guessed was his next class.

\- Heum, Professor Slughorn, may I speak with you for a minute? I asked him.

He turned around and saw me, then smiled encouragingly at me.

\- Of course, miss Meadowes, about what?

\- Well, about my future.

\- What about it, dear?

\- I’m planning to try to become an Auror, professor, and as you surely already know, I need to get very good grades in potions. I wanted to ask you if it was possible to...

I was trying hard to not make a disgusted face while saying it.

\- If it was possible to get extra potions lessons? To practice more and to make sure I could have a chance to be selected? I finished saying, not without effort.

\- Well, well, well, you’re a pretty ambitious girl, aren’t you? Wanting to follow your parents’ path, I see? He asked, interested.

\- You know my parents, sir? I asked him.

\- I do, your dad was an exceptional potion-maker indeed.

\- Well, it’s a shame that I haven’t inherited that from him, isn’t it?

\- A shame indeed... I do know you’re a brilliant student, miss Meadowes, I think your biggest problem concerning Potions is that you’re not passionate enough about it. In any case, I’ll try my best to help you by transmitting you the passion, he assured me.

There was no way on earth that I would love potions. Just to stop hating it would be great, actually. But, of course, I kept those thoughts to myself, and just nodded. He opened his ingredients cabinet, where his lessons schedule was glued on the door.

\- We could say, Tuesday or Wednesday night? He asked.

\- Usually, Quidditch practices are Tuesday and Thursdays, so Wednesday would be perfect.

\- Wednesday it is, then, let’s say from 6 to 8? We would begin next week, he said, while noting it on his schedule.

\- Fine, thank you very very much, professor Slughorn!

\- You’re welcome, dear. Have a nice day.

\- Thanks, and a nice day to you too, sir, I politely replied before leaving.

I went back to the Great Hall for lunch. Lily kept a space for me at her side.

\- So, she asked, did he agreed to help?

\- He did, I said, taking a bowl of soup, with bread and cheese.

\- Great, I knew he would help you! Now you’re sure to kick your Potions’s NEWTS! She said, squeezing my shoulder in affection.

\- I sure as hell hope so! Because if not, the fact that I’ll do two hours a week of more Potions for nothing would be really depressing.

\- I still don’t understand why you hate Potions that much, it’s such a wonderful subject! She said.

\- If you say so... I replied gloomily.

Thursday morning, I was pretty excited to go to my first Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson. I’ve heard in the Common Room that the new teacher was very nice and passionate. I entered the class positive that this would be a great class. I love this subject, of course, wanting to do a career of it. But within the years, I’ve had many different teachers (this position changes every damn year, like it’s cursed or something), and some were very nice and/or good, and others were just plain awful. I do wish that I would finish school with a good one. As we entered, we were a little destabilized by the fact that there were no tables nor chairs. Instead, there were dummies near the wall at our right, and there was a comfy-looking spot the other side, with a thick bright orange carpet covered with a bunch of cushions. Not knowing what to do or where to go, we awkwardly waited in front of the door to be told what to do. Professor Rosewood entered the class at that moment.

\- Good morning everyone!!! She said. Please, don’t stand there like fools, come and sit on the cushions and make yourselves comfortable! She told us.

We followed her to the cushions and sat around her. I noticed her foreign accent and wondered where she was from.

\- Now, let’s get to introductions. Hi everyone, I’m Professor Eve Rosewood, I’m 27 and I’m from New-York, United-States!

Oh! Interesting! I rarely met people from there.

\- I was looking for a new challenge, and Dumbledore asked me for this position, I was very happy to obliged! Now your turn, I would like you all to tell me your name, please!

Everybody presented themselves to her.

\- Okay then, let’s talk about how we will work here. I imagine that you’re not use to this type of class’s layout. It’s this way just for your group, because at your age, I think that practice is the most important. Theory is also crucial, and be assured that you’ll have readings and essays to do every week for my class, but I want us to maximise our time together by practical magic and defensive spells. Is that okay with you guys?

\- Sure! I said with enthusiasm, along with all the others positive comments.

\- Perfect! Then, let’s go! Stand up you lot, let’s see how you manage in duels!

The time past pretty quickly and, too soon for my taste, the class came to an end. I was getting my book and was about to leave when I heard the professor calling me.

\- Dorcas, I would like to have a word, if you don’t mind?

The fact that she was from America made her stand out from our other professors. For instance, she asked us if it was okay to call us by our surnames. We all agreed to it. I wondered why she wanted to talk to me…

\- Of course, yes, I answered.

I followed her up the stairs leading to her office. It was very beautifully decorated, with floral tapestries and a lot of different plants. There was also a lot of magical instruments that I had no ideas what most of them were.

\- Sit, please, dear, she said.

I sat on a green plush chair in front of her.

\- I won’t keep you long, I just wanted to know you better. I didn’t say it in front of everyone, for obvious reasons, but I’m an ex-Auror from The MACUSA. I know your parents, because I’ve worked with them on many international cases. They told me that you would like to follow their paths, is that right? She asked me.

\- It is, I said.

\- I just wanted to tell you, that if I could help you get there, it would be my pleasure. Governments needs more people like your family in their ranks, she flattered me.

\- Thanks. But may I ask you a question?

\- Sure!

\- Why are you no longer an Auror?

\- Oh... I... I lost someone very dear to me... My husband, actually. 6 months ago, on a mission. We were working together, that’s where we met, actually. And I tried to continue after, but it didn’t work for me. So, I guess, for now at least, I will try to teach all I know, it will be my contribution instead of standing first line as I used to do… She finished.

\- I’m... Very sorry for your lost… I said awkwardly.

\- Thanks. We knew that this was a very risky business, you know? We made the most of it while it lasted... She said.

We were lost in our thoughts for a moment. She was right, this was a very risky career path that I chose, and I knew it. I had the same amount of fear than excitement about it. My parents did prepare me mentally that someday they could get hurt or worse... We talked about it often, but I guess you never really understand it before it hit you in the face (aka, you really lost someone). We discussed for a while, before I went to join my friends just in time for lunch. I repeated my conversation with Rosewood to Lily. We agreed that the professor was really awesome and that we were looking forward to her next class.

The first week of the term passed pretty swiftly. My new schedule, combined to sessions of homework's and studies when I didn’t have classes proved to be very efficient. It was pretty boring, for sure, and I spent an awful lot of time in the library with Lils and Remus, but I was ahead in everything and had most of my nights off (Quidditch practices would begin next week too, like my Potions extra lessons).


	15. Of Purple and a Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A good-ending-prank

Next Monday, I was feeling positive that everything was going to be fine if I could continue this way and not drop unto laziness as I often did in the past. I woke up before my roommates, to be the first to get in the shower. I opened my trunk and grabbed my soap and shampoo before heading to the bathroom. I liked to be the first up, so I can take all the hot water I want. I took my time and stayed a little longer to stay under the hot water, singing my favorite group’s song called _Bite you._

  * You smell so good good good, I wish I could could could... Bite you b-b-b-bite you! 



I was definitely in a good mood. Even the fact that I had Potions this morning wasn’t ruining it. I got off the shower and draped myself in a big towel and a smaller one to cover my hair. I got dress while the girls were getting up one after the other. I removed the towel on my hair and was fetching my hairbrush in my trunk when I heard Mary shriek. 

  * DORCAS!!! What did you do to your hair??? She shouted. 


  * What? Nothing? I said. 



Marlene and Lily, appearing in the bathroom doorway gasped loudly. 

  * MERLIN!!!!! Said Lily. 
  * What the heck??? Shouted Marlene. 
  * Okay, now you’re freaking me out? I said, running to the bathroom to look in the mirror. 



Then I saw what makes them shout in surprise. My hair were purple. FREAKING PURPLE. And I immediately guessed who was responsible. 

  * I’M GONNA KILL SIRIUS BLACK!!! I shouted. 
  * How do you know it’s him? Asked Lily. 
  * I know. He told me that he would prank me, last week. I forgot about it because I thought he was joking around. But this isn’t a coincidence, it’s him for sure! That piece of... 



I got out of the Dorm still raging, hearing the girls calling after me, and not bothering to answer them. I went back the stairs and began to climb the ones leading to the boys’s Dorm. The Marauders’s one must be one of the two Dorms on top of the stairs. As I was wondering which one, I saw Remus getting out of the one to the left. 

  * Dorcas, what…? He said, eyes wide open. 



I must be a strange vision that early in the morning. My hair were wet, AND PURPLE. 

  * Out of my way! I said, entering his Dorm. 



There was Peter, putting on socks, sitting on edge of his bed, and there was Sirius, still in bed, stirring. He spotted me and sat promptly. I heard Remus coming back in the Dorm in my back. 

  * Good morning, Meadowes. Love what you did with your hair! Said Sirius with a smirk. 


  * I’M GONNA KILL YOU! I shouted, before I ran to him and jumped on him. 



He easily took my hands as I was crushing on him and flipped me under him on his bed. At that moment, I saw James coming out of the bathroom, only wearing a towel around his hips, with an misunderstanding facial expression. 

  * What the bloody hell is this racket about? He asked us, then spotted me under Sirius. Oh, morning, Meadowes. Nice hair! He winked at me, before going back into the bathroom. 



The jerk for sure knew about this. As I was about to curse each and everyone of them in turns, I realised in what position I was. Aka, under Sirius’s body, on his bed, wearing only a dressing gown (I mean ONLY this) and his body was pressing on mine, with only briefs on. Actually, there was definitively some bulge between us. Forgetting all about my stupid purple hair, I looked at him, who was smirking at me, but his eyes betraying his trouble, I sensed my face caught into fire. Putting my hands firmly on his chest, I pushed him. 

  * GET OFF OF ME! I shouted. 



He seemed reluctant, but he listened to me, getting back on a sitting position. I got up promptly from his bed and, trying to focus on my not that far away feeling of anger, I pointed him menacingly. 

  * You’re so going to pay for this! I said, before I turned around and escaped out of the room, bypassing a still stunned Remus on my way out. 



I stumbled back down the stairs and went up to my Dorm, where the girls stopped what they were doing to look at me. 

  * So??? What happened? Asked Marlene. 
  * I… I jumped on him, but he was stronger. So nothing, I’ll need to find another way to take revenge on the jerk, I said. 


  * Calm down, said Lily. Let's dry your hair and see if we can... I don’t know, reverse the spell? Find an antidote? 



Still raging, I let the girls take care of my hair, detangle them and dry them with their wands, while sitting on my bed and thinking about ways to get back to Sirius. 

  * Dor? Said Marlene, getting me out of my murderous plans. 
  * Yeah? 
  * You know, it actually is... Not that bad at all... 


  * What? They’re purple, Lene, how can they not be that bad? 
  * I don’t know, the colour kinda... Suits you. Lily? Mary? Do you agree? 
  * It does look good! Said Lily, opening her eyes wide in surprise. 
  * I agree, said Mary. 
  * Doesn’t it make a good comeback to Sirius? Said Marlene, looking at the girls for approval, while Lily was coming back from her trunk and giving me a hand-mirror. 



I looked in it and I was surprised to see that the girls were right. The deep purple color was actually not as bad as I would have thought it would be. 

  * What do you mean, a good comeback? I asked Marlene, intrigued. 
  * Well, what is the reward of a good prank? She asked. To humiliate someone, right? 
  * I guess... 
  * So, if you would, you know, look sexy as hell with your new hair color, it would make you the winner of the prank, and not the victim. 


  * You think? I asked, now intrigued. 
  * Oh yeah, I do. Now, girls, let’s make this girl fabulous! 



They putted products in my hair to make them silky and accentuate the curls. They also putted some purple eye-shadow over my eyes and mascara. When I looked in the mirror, I, for once, really felt beautiful. Marlene looked back at me before we got out of the dorm. 

  * Showtime, girl! She said, winking at me with a mischievous smile. 



We were a little late for breakfast so I was a little nervous to enter the Great Hall, knowing that mostly everyone would already be there. I took a big inspiration when we arrived near the doors. The girls entered first and I followed, raising my chin a little and trying my best to have a femme-fatale attitude, mimicking how I know Marlene would look. As I entered, I heard gasped and whispers on my passage, but I saw that the reactions weren’t of disgust. I saw some boy's reaction like smug smiles, winks, and even one of the Ravenclaw seventh year boy, Freddy Duncan (a gorgeous tall blond blue-eyed and pretty popular with girls), whistled me. I have to say, this gave me confidence that the girls were right and that purple hair did suits me well. I turned towards the Gryffindor table where the girls were taking places and saw that they clearly made a point to leave me the place just in front of an apparently astonished Sirius. 

  * You look good, Meadowes! Said James, clapping Sirius shoulder, laughing. 
  * Doesn’t she look stunning? Said Marlene. I think that all the boys here want to ask you out, Dor. 
  * I love it. I wish I would’ve thought of it myself, actually. I said, raising my eyes to Sirius, with what I wished was a seductive smile. Sorry for earlier, Black, I didn’t saw how good it actually looks on me at that moment. 
  * Don’t apologise, love, you’re welcome in my bed anytime, he said, winking at me. 



The girls gasped at this new information. 

  * Nothing to fuss about, girls, I was just trying to kill him in his bed, that’s all, I said, trying to look blasé about this (which I was so NOT). 



Sirius was clearly about to add something, but was cut by Marlene before he had the chance. 

  * Merlin, Dorcas, Freddy is still looking at you! Said Marlene, elbowing me to catch my attention. 



I looked back at him and indeed, he was looking at me. He smiled at me before going back to his breakfast. 

  * Isn’t he the most gorgeous person of the school? Asked Mary dreamily. 


  * Is he, now? Asked Sirius, looking at her. 
  * Of course he is. Look at him. He’s perfect, Said Marlene. And the best kisser there is, she added. Dor, if he asks you out, you HAVE to say yes, or I’m never speaking to you again. 



Instead of answering, I took a bite of a buttery croissant. I looked back at Sirius, who was now looking at the Ravenclaw’s table with a deep frown. The breakfast was punctuated by fellow students stopping by to tell me how good I look with my new hair. Sirius left after the third person stopped by. The other marauders followed him not long after, leaving us girl alone. We clapped our hands in victory upon Sirius before we finished our meal and went to the dungeon for Potions class. 

I was deeply focused on my task of cutting mandrake’s roots the right way when I saw a hand putting a paper on my Potions book. I turned my head and saw that Freddy Duncan was sitting back at his table, looking at me with a seductive smile. I looked back at the paper. 

  * Open it, Dor! Lily whispered to me, smiling. 



I looked up at her, then at James, who was mixing his potion and smiling at me too, and at Sirius, who was not looking at me and looked like he was murdering his roots. I took the paper and gulped a little from nervousness before I opened it. 

_Do you want to date me someday?_

  * _Yes_
  * _No_
  * _Go to hell_



I giggled a little, looking back at him. He was smiling deeply to me, making his dimples show, something I find adorable. What should I say? Should I go out with him? I’m single, and the person whom I seemed to have feelings for didn’t looked like he was really interested. I know, I didn’t really ASK, but I don’t want to, how humiliating is that? Freddy was still looking at me, probably wondering about my answer. I smiled back at him and nodded. He turned back to his potion and I did the same. 

  * What was it? Asked Lily, in a whisper. 
  * Did he asked you out, asked James. 



I looked at them and saw that Sirius was putting his roots in his potion and he rose his eyes to look at me. Avoiding his eyes, I turned my head to see only James and Lily. 

  * He did, I said. 


  * And? Lily asked. 
  * And I said yes, of course. 
  * Good!!! This is exciting! She said a little louder. 
  * Lily, keep it down! I said, returning to my brewing potion. 



I guessed I was distracted, because my potion fumed and burned. For my defense, Sirius’s potion wasn’t better than mine. When the class was over, he left at once, not looking at me. I think that Marlene was right, and that it bothered him a lot that his prank didn’t work on me. Well, good for him. I didn’t pity someone who tried to make me look like a fool in front of the entire school... Annnd the fact that I’ve never been this popular was a welcomed change. As I was exiting the class, Freddy was waiting for me in the corridor. 

  * So, when may I invite you? He asked me. 
  * I don’t know... I have Quidditch practice tomorrow and Thursday, and I have extra Potions lesson Wednesday... 
  * You do? How come? I thought you hated Potions? He asked while we were leaving the dungeons. 



Well, I never thought he paid attention to me before. But, it’s true that all the mistakes I’ve made in Potions throughout the years must have pointed in that direction for anyone who was a little observant... 

  * I do. But I need extra good grades in Potions so I’m doing my best...! 


  * I see. We could say, friday night, then? We could meet up in the Clock Tower courtyard, at seven? 
  * Why not? I said, clearly blushing awfully. 



As we reached the Great Hall entrance, he turned to me. 

  * Great then, it’s a date, he said, smiling at me, while I felt like I was liquefying on the spot. 



I went to Gryffindor’s table and sat with the girls, side-along with the boys, because of Lily dating Potter, we were always seated with them now. 

  * So???? Asked Lily, keeping her voice down for everyone not to hear. 
  * So what? What happened? Asked Marlene, leaning towards us, imitated by Mary. 
  * Duncan asked her out, said Lily. 
  * HE DID??? Said Mary. You’re so lucky! He’s dreamy that one. 
  * What did you say? Asked Marlene. 


  * I said yes. It will be Friday night, I said, taking a sandwich. 
  * Amazing! Said Mary, clapping with enthusiasm. 
  * You not just win this prank, you totally trampled Sirius, whispered Marlene in my ear. He looks angry, don’t look! It’s perfect, I told you, right! Laugh like I just told you an amazing joke, she added. 



I laugh hard, then took a bite of my sandwich. I saw from the corner of my eye that Sirius got up and left. Unsure of myself, I looked back at Marlene. She gently squeezed my thigh under the table. 

  * Trust me, Dor. What’s happening now is a good thing. You’ll see. She whispered to me. Gotta go, I need to go back to the dorm to fetch my Care of magical creatures' book before class. See you later, hon. She said, kissing me on the cheek before she got up and left. 



Why was I feeling like I did something wrong? Was this comeback at the prank too much? I didn’t know anymore. I just knew that it didn’t feel right to me. But Sirius never did something to show me a real interest and I cannot not be intrigued about Freddy. I didn’t know that much about him, but I did know he’s pretty popular amongst girls, because he was totally hot and was also a nice person, which was a very good combination. On top of that, he was brilliant. He wanted to become a healer for St-Mungos, he often helped Madam Pomfrey here in the hospital wing. 


	16. Of Marvelous map and Detention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The introduction of the Marauder's map and a first strike on a spotless school record...

Tuesday after diner, I went up to fetch my Quidditch equipment, really excited to go back to practice and play regularly. As I arrived in the locker room, I saw that I was the first one there. I put on my Quidditch suit and sat on a bench to start braiding my hair in a long braid on the right side. Sirius and James arrived at that moment. 

  * \- What’s up, Meadowes? You’re early! Impatient to begin, are you? James asked. 

  * \- You bet! I said back to him, smiling. 




He dressed, then went outside to prepare the field for practice. Sirius came out from the boy’s locker room and sat at my side. 

  * \- I guess we could say that my prank failed? He asked me, crossing his arms and smirking. 

  * \- You think? My hairs are indeed purple, after all, so I would say that it worked, I shrugged. 

  * \- Yeah, but you’re just even more good-looking with it, so it clearly failed, he answered me. 




I froze for a split-second, taking in the compliment, before I answered. 

  * \- This morning, when I first saw it, I could have killed you on the spot... 



  * \- Well, if that was your way of killing me, Fury, you can do it again anytime, he said, winking at me. 

  * \- You’re never serious, aren’t you? I said. 

  * \- Oh, but I’m deathly serious, best morning I’ve had for a while, actually! 




I rolled my eyes at him, shaking my head in disbelief. He took the braid in his hand and looked at it. 

  * \- I did choose a great color, didn’t I? It’s supposed to last a week, he said, releasing my braid. So, you would still be purple-hair for your perfect date with golden boy, he added, looking at the door where we were hearing footsteps approaching. 




Well, I sure had nothing to say about that. Let’s change the subject instead. 

  * \- Good, then! I said, standing up, I’ll go fly before the others arrive. Are you coming? I asked. 

  * \- Sure, he said, coming along. 




I went out with my broom and took off to the center of the field. The feeling of the wind around me was exquisite. Sirius and James joined me, and we practice some flying figures before the others joined us and the practice began. 

As we were getting back from the pitch, I made a detour by the library. I had to finish my Herbology essay for tomorrow morning. It was almost finished, but there was some information I needed to complete for my essay to be perfect, and I knew just the book to fetch. Problem is, it was now 9 and the library was closed since 7. It wouldn’t be my first time sneaking in, though. As a master procrastinator, I was always performing better at the very last minute. I used an Alohomora on the locked door and entered in the dark room. I closed the door behind me and cast a Lumos to get a little light while wondering about the bookcases, looking for the Herbology section. Once I reached it, I looked for the book missing for my assignment and found it after a minute. I sat down, take a piece of paper from the table I was sat at and flipped through the pages to find the information I needed. I wrote those on the paper, and I was very happy that my essay will be, in my humble opinion, very brilliant. After a while, I putted the book back in its place and roll the parchment paper in my robe’s pocket. I got out of the library and arrived face to face with Argus Filch. I screamed in surprise, putting a hand over my heart who was going way too fast because of the awful surprise. 

  * \- Well, well, well, and who have we here, a student wandering in the school after curfew, isn’t it? 

  * \- I... I was at Quidditch practice, with Gryffindor’s team, we have a special permission on Tuesdays and Thursdays nights! I said. 

  * \- Yes indeed, permission to go back to your tower between 9 and nine-thirty, isn’t it? It’s a quarter to ten, now, and you were in the library, which is closed to students at this hour... 

  * \- … I just needed to look at a book... I tried, knowing perfectly well that it was in vain. 

  * \- Excuses, excuses... Detention, Thursday night, would convince you to follow the rules, Miss…? 



  * \- Meadowes, I huffed. Dorcas Meadowes. I can’t Thursday, it’s Quidditch’s practice... I began. 

  * \- Should have thought about it before defying the rules, wouldn’t we? At six, at the Trophy room. Now you go straight to your dorm! He said, pointing the corridor to me in a menacing tone. 




I didn’t wait a second and walked very fast in the direction of the Great staircase up to Gryffindor’s tower. When I entered the Common Room, I saw that the marauders were seated in the couches in front of the fireplace, and Sirius was bark-like-laughing pretty loudly at something James said. They were the only people up, apparently, my friends were obviously in our dorm. The boys turned around to saw who entered when they heard the portrait closing behind me. I must add, I closed it a little harshly following my irritated mood. 

  * -Hey, Meadowes, where were you this late, sneaking around with someone? Asked James. 

  * 


I rolled my eyes and came to sit at his side, pushing him to leave me some space on the couch. 

  * \- If only. Nope. I was sneaking alone, in the library, to get information to finish my essay for tomorrow. I got caught by Filch when I was on my way back. 

  * \- Tssss... Now, Meadowes, what an amateur! He told me, passing his right arm on my shoulders. You know, you have the incredible chance to be friends with amazing people like us who could sneak you out without getting caught! 

  * \- I’ll be sure to remember that for next time... I said, crossing my arms and pouting. 

  * \- Did you get into trouble? Asked Sirius, who was seated in the armchair at my right. 

  * \- If by that you meant "did I get a detention", the answer is yes, I said, still pouting. 



  * \- When? Where? He asked. 

  * \- Why do you care? I answered, frowning in suspicion. 

  * \- Don’t tell me it’s Thursday night or I’ll murder the both of you! Said James, removing his arm and menacingly pointing at Sirius and me. 




I looked at Sirius, still confused. 

  * \- I kinda jinxed a filthy Slytherin in front of McGonagall. I didn’t see that she was there, he said, as an excuse. I will miss practice because of detention Thursday night, to clean the bloody trophies. 



  * \- Oh... I said, looking back at James and not wanting to say that I’ve got the exact same detention. 

  * \- You didn’t!!! Said James, face palming. 

  * \- I’m sorry, James...! Do believe that I would much better be at practice than to be in detention with him! I said, pointing at a laughing Sirius. Stop laughing, it’s not funny!!! I said to Sirius. 

  * \- It’s hilarious, you mean! Well, this detention won’t be that bad after all, I got to spend time tormenting Meadowes! Sirius said, having way too much fun at my expense. 

  * \- This is a nightmare, I said, taking a cushion and hiding my face in it. 



  * \- You guys need to stop causing trouble or be better at hiding it! James said to us. 

  * \- That didn’t sound like something a Head boy would say, Laughed Remus. 

  * \- I did begin with "stop causing trouble", he said, to his defense. 

  * \- Anyway, I don’t feel like I deserve your wrath, because it’s my first detention EVER!!! I snapped right back at James. 

  * \- Really? Even Remus get detentions from time to time...! James retorted, astonished. 



  * \- In my defense, I always get caught because of you guys, said Remus, smiling fondly at them. 

  * \- We never forced you unto anything, Moony! Said Sirius, taking my cushion to throw it to him. 

  * \- OW! He shouted, don’t make me jinx you, Pads! He menaced Sirius. 

  * \- I’m the one who caught most of them, because you guys often throw me under the bus and flee ! Said Peter, accusingly, to Sirius and James. 

  * \- You just have to run faster, mate, smirked Sirius. 



  * \- Okay guys, you need to tell me about those stupid nicknames once and for all, I cut in. 




They stayed silent for a moment. 

  * \- I mean, Moony is easy to relate to, it’s because of Remus’ condition. 




They gaped at me and looked back at Remus, who was blushing a little. 

  * \- Apparently, Lily knew and told her, he said. 



  * \- I would never, ever tell anyone, I added. 

  * \- I know, Dorcas, I trust you, said Remus, with a kind smile. 

  * \- Now, now, this is too big a secret, for now, at least, Said James. But here’s something I guess we can show you, let it be a give-back for the wonderful room you showed us last week, he added. 




He took a piece of paper from his pocket and gave it to me. It was folded, so I unfolded it with curiosity. There was nothing wrote on it. I turned to James with an arched eyebrow and saw that Sirius was sitting on the edge of his armchair now, with his elbows on his knees and his hands crossed and was looking at me with evident amusement. James took his wand from the couch’s arm. 

  * \- Fold it back, like when I gave it to you, he said. 




I did as he told me, then he pointed his wand on the middle of it. 

  * \- Here’s how it works: _I solemnly swear that I am up to no good_ , he recited with a grin. 

  * 


Handwriting appeared on the paper: 

_"Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs_

_Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-makers_

_Are Proud to present_

_THE MARAUDER’S MAP"_

I opened it with curiosity and saw that there was a lot of scribing, so much that it was confusing at first. Then, analyzing the forms and details, I began to recognize what it was, especially with the names of the places it shown. 

  * \- Is this like a map of the school? I asked, not bothering to look at James as my eyes were spotting the dungeons and some classrooms and corridors’ names I recognized. 

  * \- It’s much more than that. Look, here, he said, and I followed his finger who was pointing something. 




It was written Gryffindor Common Room, and there were dots with our names on it, near the fireplace, in the exact positions we were. I gaped, then got up, still looking at the dot with my name on it, and walked around a little, to see that my dot was following, with footsteps drawings following my own steps. I came back to sit at James's side. I looked elsewhere and saw that a dot named Argus Filch was pacing in a corridor on third floor. 

  * \- Does it show everyone? I asked them, tearing my gaze reluctantly from the map to look at them. 

  * \- Everyone, confirmed Remus. 



  * \- And everywhere, continued Sirius, well with exceptions, like the room you showed us the other day, we didn’t know about it until now, so it’s not on it, yet. 

  * \- Ooooohhhh this is great magic, boys! What did you use? Homonculous? I asked them eagerly.




I just love charms, one of my favorite subjects. It’s a shame they didn’t tell me when they were developing it, I would’ve loved to work with them on it. 

  * \- Amongst others, yes, James said, looking impressed by my expertise in Charms. 

  * \- So, that’s how you almost never got caught! What a marvelous and useful invention! 



  * \- Stop it, or we will think you idolize us! Said James, smiling at me. 

  * \- I wouldn't go that far. I mean, I witness you being stupid pretty often, I shrugged. 

  * \- We're never stupid, you're just too thick to understand our sense of humour, Sirius said. 

  * \- Yeah, because you're SO MATURE, I laughed. And how do you make it disappear to protect it? I asked, unable to stop inspecting the marvelous invention. 

  * \- Like this, said Remus, who was seated at James’ other side, pointing his wand on the map, _Mischief Managed_ , he said, and the map disappeared again. 

  * \- Great, I’ll try to open it again, _I solemnly swear that I am up to no good_ , I recited, the tip of my wand on the map. 




It indeed appeared again. I explored it a bit more before James decided to go to bed and bring it back with him in their dorm. As the others left too, I cast an Accio Herbology essay and seated myself at one of the working tables of the Common room, tables who were equipped with feathers and ink. It took me half an hour to finish my essay before I went up the stairs to my dorm, a little after midnight. I didn’t have a hard time falling asleep that night, ever so happy that the marauders shared one of their numerous secrets with me at last. Also, even if I didn’t show it earlier, I was kind of glad that my first ever detention would be in Sirius’ company... 

I was reluctantly heading to my first extra-lesson of Potions after I’ve had a very quick diner. As I entered the classroom, I had the surprise to see that Professor Rosewood was there with Slughorn. 

  * \- Good evening Miss Meadowes, said Slughorn. 

  * \- Hello, Sir? I said, questioning the other professor’s presence. 

  * \- I believe you’re by now acquainted to Professor Rosewood here? He asked me. 

  * \- I am, nice to see you, professor. 



  * \- Hello, Dorcas. Professor Slughorn here asked me to come to meet you here tonight, I know nothing more than you, actually! She added, winking at me. 

  * \- As I told you, I want to help you to become more passionate about Potions, Miss Meadowes. I recall you wish to pursue an Auror career? Am I correct, Professor, he said, turning towards Rosewood, if I say that potions are crucial for a professional Auror? 

  * \- Oh, they certainly are! They saved my neck many many times! She answered him. 

  * \- Care to elaborate? He asked her. 

  * \- Being an Auror is a good mix of mind and physical skills. You can use potions mostly for the physical part. You can enhance your abilities for combat, you can change your appearance to infiltrate as a spy, you can brew an antidote to common or uncommon poisons, and those are only some examples of the use of potions for that career path. 



  * \- Thinking of your future career choice and having Professor Rosewood, an ex-auror here, gave me an idea, he said. Of course, if Miss Rosewood would agree, I thought that to combine your Potions extra lessons with what and how you would use it as an Auror might help you to like potion making more. 

  * 


That was a marvelous idea, I would get potions and auror training at the same time, right? 

  * \- This is a great idea, indeed, and I would be happy to help, said Rosewood. 

  * \- Is it fine with you, Miss Meadowes? Slughorn asked. 

  * \- It is beyond expectations, Sir, thank you very much, I sincerely answered. 



  * \- Fine, then let’s begin, shall we? Which potion would you suggest first, Professor? He asked Rosewood. 

  * \- I would say poison’s antidote, at first, it’s a must have and a must master for an auror, she said. 

  * \- Let’s get to it, then! Slughorn said. 




When I finally went up to my dorm that night, I still couldn’t believe my luck. It was by far my most interesting potions lesson ever. Rosewood was with me, helping me and feeding me with stories when she had to take antidote or brew some pretty fast. It was like I’ve never understand the use of potions that much before and now that I got an objective out of it, aka become the best auror there is, it was easier to not enjoy (let’s not get ahead of ourselves), but at least to apply myself more with potions. 

Trying to learn from my mistakes, when I finished Defense Against the Dark Arts class, I went directly to the library to fetch books for my essay on Dementors. We were to learn how to defend ourselves from them with a very difficult spell. I went in the library, saying hello to Mrs. Pince who just shrugged as her ever so sociable self, to search for books about Dementors. I found a book on Azkaban and there was an entire chapter about them in it. I read and began to write about the subject, taking notes for my essay. I was pretty satisfied of my work when I realised that it was now a little past five-thirty, and that I had to go back to my dorm to put down my school bag before detention. It meant that I was late for diner and that I would have to skip it. Crap. My stomach made a sound to show me its displeasure at my tardiness. I arrived at the Trophy room something like sev en minutes before six. Sirius wasn’t there, the room was empty. This being my first detention ever in my school years, I didn’t know that you didn’t have to arrive early to detention, as the absence of Filch was telling me. I turned around a little, taking the time to look at Quidditch trophies from the past when I heard footsteps. I turned around to see Sirius coming in, followed by Filch, transporting soapy buckets and rags. 

  * \- Okay, then, mischiefers, you will dust the trophies and clean the glasses and tablets, I’ll be back in two hours, and if it’s not clean, you’ll stay later, so you better get to work. 

  * 


It sounded boring, but not that bad. 

  * \- Now, quickly, give me your wands, he added. 

  * \- What? I asked, not sure I understood right. 

  * \- You’ll wash everything by hands, not using your wands. Give it to me, now, Filch explained in a stern tone. 




I looked at Sirius, who shrugged and gave him his wand. I did the same, reluctantly, feeling weird to be separated from it. Filch turned on his heels and closed the door behind him. 

  * \- I can’t believe he took our wands! I said, still shocked. 

  * \- He does it every time we need to clean something. He may be a squib, but he does know that cleaning with our wands would be quicker and easier and the goal of detention is to punish us, for us not to want to get another one. 

  * 


I looked at him with a smirk. 

  * \- Well, he obviously failed miserably with you! I said, pushing him playfully. 



  * \- I don’t mind detention now and again if I can continue to jinx Slytherins. And especially tonight as I’m in good company, he said looking at me with a crooked smile. 

  * 


Is he flirting? I never know with him. I chose to ignore his last comment. 

  * \- Well, let’s do this, I sure don’t want to stay here late, I said while getting a bucket. 

  * \- Where were you earlier? I didn’t see you at diner, he asked, taking the other bucket and going to the trophy display at my left. 

  * \- I was at the library. I wanted to take advance for my DADA essay, and I finished too late for dinner before detention. 



  * \- I see. Getting pretty serious with schoolwork, aren’t you? 

  * \- I must. If not, no chance to become an auror. 

  * \- I could never be an auror, he said pensively. 

  * \- Why not? I frown at him. 

  * 


He was surely talented enough to be, maybe even better than I was... 

\- I just can’t stand people telling me what to do, why do you think I’m in detention that much? He smirked. 

\- Hm. True. What do you want to do, then? I asked, intrigued. 

\- Well, I don’t know. I want to be in the fight, as you know, side with Dumbledore, but I don’t want to work for the Ministry, of that I am sure.... But, I’m not telling you that it’s not okay to be an auror, I’m just... A lot to handle, I think, he finished pensively. 

\- I have no doubts about that, I winked at him. 

He looked at me pensively, before he continued his task. It’s true that he seemed recalcitrant to any form of authority or commitment. He just cannot be tamed. That was a good or a bad thing, I guess, depending on the context... After a while of cleaning in silence, I looked at him and at the work done, and counted that we were approximately at 75%% of the task. Sirius was farther and

cleaning a prefects naming plaque. 

  * \- Pretty boring, isn’t it? I said to him. 

  * -Sure is... Wanna play a game? He asked. 



  * \- Depend, what game? 

  * \- What about... I’ve never ever? 

  * \- Isn’t it a drinking game? 

  * \- It is indeed, he said, smirking, searching his robes and then pulling a silver flask out of it. 

  * \- What are you, an alcoholic or something? I asked, grinning at him and crossing my arms. 



  * \- I’m not, I’m an occasional drinker. And tonight seems like a good occasion, don’t you think? 

  * \- I don’t know... You know what alcohol does to me, I said, still a little ashamed of that soiree where I was a wreck. 

  * \- Oh I sure do. More the reason! He said, smiling at me. 

  * \- Hm... Well, why not... I guess this would be less boring... Who begins? I asked. 

  * \- Ladies first? He suggested. 



  * \- Right. Heum, let me think... I’ve never ever... pranked my friend by turning her hair purple? I finished, grinning at him. 

  * \- I don’t know, are you my friend? He asked me, with a fake interrogating face. 

  * \- Hey! Jerk! I said throwing my feather duster to his face, but he caught it easily before it reached it. 

  * \- I was joking, calm down fury! I’m drinking, see? He took a small sip from his flask. My turn then... I’ve never ever... fell in love with a teacher, he said. 

  * \- Eeewww! Gross, there’s no good-looking teacher at Hogwarts! I laughed. 



  * \- Not true, the new teacher is pretty decent, he said. 

  * \- Okay, then, the male teachers aren’t good looking, then, I said. My turn, then… I’ve never ever... Received a love’s poem? I asked, raising an eyebrow. 

  * \- If none was good, does it still count? He asked, scratching his head pensively. 

  * \- Merlin, how many did you get? I asked, face palming. 

  * \- I didn’t keep count. A bunch, he said, taking a sip from the flask. I’ve never ever cheated at Quidditch, he said, smirking. 



  * \- Not fair, you know I did! That ONE TIME against that asshole from Slytherin!!! It doesn’t count, they’re always cheating! I said, outraged. 

  * \- Still, you cheated, didn’t you? He smirked at me. 

  * \- I was injured! I jinxed him from the benches before he caught the snitch! 

  * \- It’s considered cheating either way, Meadowes, he pointed out. And I’m the only one drinking until now, so suck it up and drink! 

  * \- Arf... Give me that flask... I said, pouting, and I took my first sip. It was Firewhisky, as the burnt in my throat told me. I’ve never ever, dated one of my groupies, I said, proud of myself. 



  * \- I don’t have groupies! He said. 

  * \- You sure as hell do! I remarked. 

  * \- I’ve never dated one of those silly girls... He began. 

  * \- Didn’t you? What about Rosie Mundane? I asked him sneakily. 

  * \- … Ok, I give you that one. But, in my defense, it was just that one time, because she was very attractive, but Merlin was she stupid, he said before he caught the flask that I threw in his direction. 



  * \- That’s not a very nice thing to say, I observed. 

  * \- Then tell me I’m wrong and that she’s not a real idiot? He raised an eyebrow at me, waiting for my answer. 

  * \- … Can’t, I finally concluded. 

  * \- That’s what I thought. She’s a good kisser, though, but it is not enough. Well... I’ve never ever... Kissed someone of the same sex he finished, looking at me with interrogation in his eyes. 

  * \- … Give me that flask, I said, blushing a little. 

  * 


His eyes opened wide like they were going to pop out and he threw me the flask. 

  * \- What? I said, while catching it. You know Marlene, she was wasted at a party and she kissed me, I shrugged. 

  * \- And did you kiss her back? He asked, still looking astonished. 

  * \- A little… Okay, my turn. I said, getting a little shy under his persistent gaze. I’ve never ever... Slept with Marlene Mckinnon, I finished, my voice dropping a little without me able to control it better. 

  * 


I don’t know what got into me to say this… But it was too late. It took some awkward seconds of silence before he answered. 

  * \- Give me back the flask, he said, looking at me with a pretty serious expression, dropping the smile he had seconds ago. 

  *   * I threw it back at him. He took a sip, then he leaned on the trophy display at his right, gazing at me intently. 

  *   * \- Did it... Bothered you? He asked me. 

  * \- What? No... I said, not looking at him while lying. 

  * \- I’ve never ever, being bothered by one of my best friends sleeping with Sirius Black, he whispered, taking a step towards me. 




I raised my eyes to look at him, not wanting at all to answer that question. This game was radically beginning to be too serious for my taste. He continued to approach me, not saying anything, waiting for my answer. 

  * \- I don’t wanna play anymore, I said. 

  * 


He didn’t answer but came closer to me. When he arrived just in front of me, I said nothing, but took the flask from him a little harshly and took a swig from it. 

  * \- This game is over, I said, giving him back the flask by pushing it hard on his chest. 

  * \- This is so not over, he said, looking me in the eyes, his gaze going darker. 

  * 


He then looked at my lips for a second, before his eyes came back to mine. He took a step closer, his face now very close to mine. I gulped a little and I felt like my heart was malfunctioning, beating too fast and too loud. 

  * \- What is it with you that makes it impossible for me to stay away? He asked, more for himself than for me, I thought as his face was so close that I felt his warm breath on mine. 

  * \- … Why would you need to stay away from me? I asked him back. 




He seemed to get back from where his mind had escaped at the sound of my question and he shrugged. 

  * \- I... It’s... complicated... Nevermind, he said, passing a hand through his hair, something he does often when he’s annoyed at something. 




He shook his head, then took a step back away from me. 

  * \- The only important thing, is that… This, he said, pointing me, then himself, this can’t happen. 

  * \- Right, good thing that nothing did, ten, and I have a date tomorrow… I said, shrugging like it was nothing, but boiling in the inside. I was equally frustrated and sad that nothing happened. 

  * \- True, you do… He said, still looking at me, his face serious for once. 

  * \- Let’s finish this damned task if we want to ever get out of this detention, I said. 

  * \- Meadowes, are you mad? He asked in my back, as I was turning on my heels. 




I choose not to answer that, making the answer to that question pretty clear. We took back our dusting stuff and resumed the cleaning. I felt like crap. I think I have to drop it, I’ll never understand him. Like, never. One moment, I’m sure he would kiss me, and he just doesn’t. What the heck does he mean, that he should stay away from me? That nothing should happen between us? I’m not blind, he was indeed on the verge of kissing me… Well, if he thinks it’s not a good idea, I will certainly not push it, don’t want to be the one looking desperate. We worked in awkward silence and finished half an hour later, only a minute before Filch came back. I took my wand from him and rushed out of the room. I heard footsteps following me. 

  * \- Meadowes, wait for me, I heard Sirius say. 




I stopped and turned to face him. 

  * \- What do you want? I thought you said you should stay away from me, I pouted. 

  * \- Fury, don’t make a big deal out of nothing, I just meant that we shouldn’t be physically involved, not that we shouldn’t be friends anymore, he winked at me. 



  * \- Pfff, just leave me alone, I said, before turning on my heels. 




He took my wrist in his hand and forced me to turn back. 

  * \- Meadowes, just stop whining and come with me, he demanded. 

  * \- … And they say that girls are complicated, I groaned. 

  * \- Being complicated and mysterious is a big part of my legendary charm, he smirked. 

  * \- This legendary charm thing is completely overrated, I said. 

  * \- Come on, look me in the eyes and tell me I have no effect on you, he said, pulling me closer. 

  * \- Sirius, I mean it, stop this or I’m leaving, I menaced him, dryly removing my hand from his. 

  * 


His behavior was really getting on my nerves. I mean, how much of a mood swinger is he? He cannot tell me that we couldn’t be close that way and continue to flirt with me not long after. That made no sense whatsoever. 

\- Fine, fine, I will, he said, raising his hands in capitulation. Now, would you please, follow me? You won’t regret it, he added. 

\- Fine... I said, still unsure. 

He pulled me by my sleeve to the staircase going down and I followed him for a while, until we stopped in front of a fruit bowl’s portrait. He released me, then tickled the pear in the portrait, making it open, revealing a door. As I followed him inside, I realised where we were. There were house-elves stirring big cauldrons smelling heavenly, others were taking buns and pastries out of ovens, some were preparing stuffs on working tables… One of them spotted us and came to us. 

  * \- Welcome, master Black, what can we do for you tonight? Asked the house-elf. 

  * \- Hi, my friend here missed tonight's dinner, could you give her something to eat? And I would very much like to have another slice of the marvellous chocolate cake we had earlier! 

  * \- Take a seat, it won’t be long, she said, with a reverence to us, before she went back with the others. 




I was looking around me, impressed. There were four long tables, the exact replica of the ones we have upstairs, that’s how they make it appear upstairs, I thought. 

  * \- Come, we’ll take a seat, I heard Sirius say to me, getting me out of my head. 



  * \- Oh. Sure, I said, following him and seating myself in front of him on the bench. Thanks, by-the-way, for bringing me here, I’m famished, I said. 

  * \- I would certainly not let you starve to death, he said, winking at me. 

  * \- Now I understand how you lot manage to bring that much food in the Common Room during parties. 

  * \- Keep up, maybe one day you’ll know all of our dirty secrets… He smirked. 

  * \- I told you I would, didn't I? I replied, with a smug expression. 

  * 


The food arrived at that moment and I indulged with appetite. After, we looked at the map before we went back to the Common Room. As we entered, James greeted us. 

  * \- Hey, how was your first ever detention? He asked me. 




Sirius entered at that moment. 

  * \- The most boring night of my life, I said, not looking at Sirius. 

  * \- Oh, come on, Meadowes, admit it wasn't that bad! Said Sirius.

  * \- Our practice went very well without you both, thanks for asking, said James. 



  * \- We don’t care about practice, Prongs, missing a match would be a shame, but practice, not a big deal. We do practice two times a week, which I already consider too much, said Sirius. 

  * \- I’m off, good night, I said, leaving them, and still not looking at Sirius. 

  * 


When I entered my dorm, the girls were seated around Marlene’s bed, laughing at someone’s joke. 

  * \- Oh, Hey, Dore, how was detention with the man of your dreams? Asked Marlene. 

  * \- Pretty boring, I answered. And he’s so not the man of my dreams, I lied. 



  * \- Still don’t know why you don’t want to confide to us, she said, you don’t trust us or what? I would never tell anyone if you asked me to shut up about it, you know that... She said, sounding a little offended. 

  * 


I came to sit next to her on her bed and hugged her. 

  * \- I know, Lene. You’re right, I like him, I finally admitted, but I’m trying not to, you see, so not always talk about him would be great. 

  * \- Why would you try not to? He’s obviously at least a little bit attracted to you, I can tell, Marlene said. 

  * \- Well, obviously, not enough, I said. 



  * \- Okay? Care to share? Marlene asked. 

  * \- I don’t know, maybe I’m hallucinating or something, but it’s the second time that I’m under the impression that he’s about to kiss me, I explained. 

  * \- Really? And that’s a bad thing because? Marlene exclaimed. 

  * \- Because, he doesn’t, and he said that nothing can happen between us, I explained. 

  * \- Ok… That’s weird? Why? Marlene asked. 



  * \- How on Merlin am I supposed to know, he didn’t explain, I said. He just told me that it’s complicated, I frowned to Lily. 

  * \- That again? What is it with them? James said the same thing couple of weeks ago, Lily explained to the girls. 

  * \- Those bloody boys, said Marlene. 

  * \- Yup, totally agree, I said. 

  * \- But you like him, Marlene stated. 



  * \- Yeah, like the perfect idiot, I'm no better than his groupies! I complained. 

  * \- Come on, Dore, you have a brain, you're way better, Mary snorted.

  * \- You need to switch the roles, here, hon, said Marlene. 

  * \- And what do you mean by that? I asked her. 

  * \- You make him regret, you make him chase you, she said. 

  * \- How on heart am I supposed to do that? I asked her, crossing my arms. 



  * \- You don’t have much to do, really. Just don’t gave him attention, don’t let him touch you, act as if he leaves you totally indifferent. Go out with Freddy and make the most of it. 

  * \- Isn’t it unfair for Freddy? I said. 

  * \- I know Freddy, he’s hardly in love, no offense, Dore, but he’s kind of a player, not an asshole, but he likes girls very much, and he wants to stay free. He’s totally against the concept of being tied down to someone. It will be fun, but it will be brief, I can bet on that. Couple of weeks at most, she said. 

  * \- Wow. He’s you if you were a boy? Lily asked. 

  * \- Pretty much, Lene said, laughing. 



  * \- Okay... I guess I could... Try that? I said, unsure. 




We talked for a little while longer, then I headed straight to the shower, to clear my head and relax. Once in it, with hot water pouring down on me, I couldn’t manage to not think about this. I did know that Sirius wasn’t the relationship kind and that his flings never lasted long in the past. It was common knowledge, old news, really. So, I was ready to face the fact that, if anything was to happen, that it wouldn’t be serious and that it wouldn’t last. Problem is, nothing happened at all, and not because he doesn’t want to, I felt it, I felt that there was something strong between us, more than once... After a very long shower, I went back in the dorm, and saw that the girls were in their beds. I climbed in mine and tried to fall asleep. It wasn’t easy, but I didn’t really care that much, because of my empty morning schedule tomorrow. 


	17. Of Animagi and Astronomy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another secret revealed and a first date

I indeed woke up after ten, completely energized by a good night sleep. I was in no rush, because I’ve done my homework for charms earlier this week. Seeing that it was a beautiful sunny day outside, we decided to go hang out on the school grounds. We laid a large blanket under the big weeping willow by the lake shore, to get a little shade from the sun. I took off my shoes and socks and laid down on my stomach to read a little bit with Lils, while Marlene and Mary were playing with a muggle frisbee nearby. I was totally immersed in my novel when Lily nudged me. 

  * \- Well, well. Look who’s coming, she whispered to me. 




I followed her gaze, wishing that she didn’t mean Sirius. But luck wasn’t on my side, because James, Peter, Remus and Sirius were indeed coming our way. 

  * \- Oi, girls! said James cheerfully. What a beautiful day, isn’t it? He laid on his back, taking Lily’s crossed legs as a pillow. 




She leaned to kiss him on the forehead, then played with his hair, a very lovely and intimate gesture who made me dream that somebody would act this way with me... Peter was joining the girls with the frisbee, while Remus was seating himself by my side. Sirius, looking briefly at us, turned on his heels and got closer to the lake and began to throw rocks in it. 

  *   * \- Hi, Dorcas, said Remus, looking at me with a smile. 

  * \- Hey. How are things? I said, while trying my best to forgot about Sirius and focus on him instead. 

  * \- Fine. But not for long, full moon is couple of days away... 

  * \- Oh. I see... What do you do? Where do you go? 



  * \- No worry, Dumbledore arranged a safe place for me to go, where no one would come and be in danger. 

  * \- You’re telling me to not ask further, aren’t you? I said, smirking at him. 

  * \- Pretty much, he chuckled. 

  * \- Fine, I’ll just have to follow you one day, then, I said, winking at him. 

  * \- DON’T EVER DO THAT! He shouted at me, looking a little panicked. 



  * \- I know, merlin, calm down, I was just joking! I said, putting my hand on his arm, laughing. 

  * \- What is this about? 




I didn’t see Sirius coming back with us. He was looking at my hand on Remus’s arm. I let Remus answered him. 

  *   * \- This silly girl here was suggesting to follow me during full moon to see where I go, said Remus, rolling his eyes. 

  * \- I would be curious to witness this, joked Sirius, looking at me. 



  * \- Your faith in me is very touching, I replied. 

  * \- I don’t doubt that you’re a good witch, said Remus. But you never faced a werewolf, there’s no joke to do about this, I could kill you, Dorcas, he added in a small voice, dropping his smile. 

  * \- Don’t fret, Moony, we would never let something like this happen and you know it... Said James. 

  * \- So... You lot go with him, then? I asked, looking at them. Marlene, Mary and Peter were still playing out of ears reach and that’s why we dared to talk about this. 

  * \- James, you’re a real idiot, said Sirius, face palming. 



  * \- And you're no better, by confirming it, I smirked at him. How come I can’t go, but they can? I asked Remus. 

  * \- We don’t REALLY go... Said James, clearly lying. 

  * \- And how is it that Red isn’t asking anything? You already know, don’t you? I asked her accusingly. 

  * \- Heum... She said, looking a little panicked, clearly fighting internally. 




Me and Lily, we made the promise long ago that there would never be any lies between us. It was years ago, and until now, that promise was always respected by the both of us. 

  * \- Fine, don’t tell me anything, guys, but Lily clearly knows, and she cannot lie to me. I’ll find out soon enough about your fishy business, I said. 

  * \- Dorcas! Said Lily. 

  * \- What? You know you will, I grinned at her. 



  * \- Damn it! Said James, Merlin, I do talk too much. 

  * \- Hey, it's me, you know you can trust me... I said, trying to get them to tell me. 

  * \- They’re animagi, dropped Remus like a bomb. 

  * 


I was flabbergasted for a little while, not able to say anything. 

  * \- How on earth did you guys managed to be animagi? I asked them, keeping my voice down to be sure no one would hear. 



  * \- You still didn’t figure out that we’re genius? It’s becoming insulting, really, said Sirius, with a smirk. I couldn’t refrain myself from looking at him this time, and he maintained my gaze. 

  * \- I take it you’re not registered animagi? I stated more than I asked. You do know it’s a free ticket to Azkaban, right? 

  * \- You won’t tell on us, won’t you, Meadowes? Said James with a fake-dramatic voice. 

  * \- Of course I won’t, silly, I answered him. 

  * \- And in what do you transform? Is Peter one too? I asked them. 



  * \- Yes he is. And I’m a stag, said James. 

  * \- Prongs... I acknowledged out loud. And Padfoot? I asked, looking in the direction of Sirius. 

  * \- A very handsome dog, he said. 

  * \- A mutt, then, I said, smirking. And Wormtail? I asked. 

  * \- A tiny rat, laughed James. 



  * \- Well. I have to see this, soon, I said, looking at them. I can’t believe you guys, I’m so jealous right now. 




I wish they could teach me how to become one. But let’s be honest, between Quidditch practices, extra Potion lessons and all the work I have to do to be at my best for my NEWTS, I don’t think I would be able to. And also, I don’t think you can become an Animagus in a couple of hours. I figure this is more like a couple of months, even years. 

  *   * \- One day, if you’re lucky, Meadowes, we’ll do you the honor, said Sirius, looking me in the eyes, clearly having a second sense to his affirmation by the look of his mischievous eyes piercing through me. I tried my best to not show my body inevitable reaction to him, and hurried to look somewhere else. 

  *   * \- In my case, no chance! Said Remus, nudging me and by it bringing me back down on earth. 

  * \- I know, I know! I’m only allowed to take care of you afterward in the hospital wing, am I? 



  * \- Yup, you understood quite right, you can bring chocolate and books, thanks, he added, smiling at me. 

  * \- You’re no fun at all, but fine, I’ll do it. In exchange you could help me with the Herbology essay. I’m having a hard time with it and I know you’ve already finished yours, I said, smiling back at him. 

  * \- Deal. We’ll look into it. But for now, if we don’t go back, we’ll be late for lunch, he said to us. 




I reached aside to take back my socks. As I was putting them on, I got a glimpse of Sirius staring at my legs, before he putted his hands in his pockets and turned around to look at the lake. My stomach fluttered a little, and I cursed after my body in my head. I found a way to focus on the task of putting my shoes on, then I rose up and help Lily fold the blanket, before we all got back to the castle. 

As we were to enter the Great Hall, I spotted Duncan arriving from the stairs. I stopped and looked at him. 

  * \- Hello Dorcas! He said, smiling at me. 

  * \- Hey, Freddy, I answered him, returning the smile. 




As I entered after him, I spotted Sirius looking at him, then at me. Not knowing what got unto me, I turned to Freddy, who was still near me. 

  * \- Heum, Freddy? I said to him. 

  * \- Yeah? He said, still smiling. 




I came closer to him and whispered in his ear. 

  * \- I’m very looking forward to our date… I said seductively in his ear. 

  * \- I sure am too… He replied, his hand trailing down my arm and squeezing my hand for a second. See you, he winked at me. 




I blushed a little, then turned back to face Gryffindor’s table, where I spotted my friends giggling and looking at me. Approaching, I had a glimpse of Sirius, who wasn’t looking at me anymore. I had a clearly unhealthy tinge of victory towards him. I sat at Lily’s side and engaged in my friend's conversation about Quidditch. 

During charms, we were listening to Flitwick’s theory and I was daydreaming about a certain someone. As I looked back at my book, I saw a small handwriting appearing on the upper corner of the right page. It was Sirius’s handwriting, I recognised it immediately. 

** We need to talk, you should stop by the library on your way after class  **

I raised my head to look at where he was sitting in front of me. He was looking at me, with a small crooked smile. I thought about it for a minute, and knowing that it was surely a bad idea, I nodded. The writing disappeared and there was another sentence. 

** See you later, then.  **

I took another quick look at him before focusing on Flitwick’s theory and not giving him any more attention. After class, I took my things and got out of the classroom, wondering what Sirius wanted. 

  * \- Hey, Dorcas, wait! I heard someone calling me. 

  * 


I turned back, Remus was getting out of the class and joining me. I saw Sirius walking fast ahead of us. 

  * \- Are you feeling ready for the match tomorrow? Remus asked me. 




\- Tomorrow, we will have our first Quidditch match of the season, facing Slytherin. 

  * \- Are you asking me if I’m ready to beat the Slytherin team or if I’m ready to get injured? I said gloomily. 

  * \- They’re rough, aren’t they? He said, more than he asked, with a comforting voice, affectionately squeezing my right shoulder. 



  * \- They suck at Quidditch, but they’re filthy cheaters and the only reason they win sometimes is because they hurt us, tossing us out of their way... 

  * \- You’ll be all right, you’ll beat them, and fast! He said, trying to reassure me. 

  * \- We sure intent to! I said. 

  * \- I need to stop by the library, later, I said to Remus, before changing my trajectory. 

  * \- See you, he said. 

  * 


I entered the library, looking for Sirius. I spotted him in the third row of bookshelves, on my right. I went to face him. He was so incredibly beautiful, his back to the bookshelf, looking at me with his almond shape amazing grey eyes. I needed to take a second and think about Marlene and what she told me yesterday. I needed to remember that I was a little mad at him. 

  * \- So, I said, crossing my arms, what could you possibly want from me? I asked him, still annoyed about yesterday. 

  * \- Someone is in a foul mood, he mocked me. 

  * \- Is that all? I’ve got things to do, I said, turning back. 

  * \- No, come back here, he said, taking my hand to make me stay. 




I pulled back for him to release me. 

  * \- Are you mad at me? He asked with a smirk. 

  * \- I’m not. 

  * \- Doesn’t look like it. 

  * \- I just don’t have time for this, I gotta prepare, I have a date tonight. 



  * \- Are you sure you still want to date Duncan after what you said to me yesterday? 

  * \- And what did I say exactly? 

  * \- That you were jealous about what happened between me and Mckinnon. 

  * \- I didn’t say that. 

  * \- Well, you drank, pretty much the same. 



  * \- Maybe I just wanted more Firewhisky. 

  * \- You don’t even like Firewhisky. 

  * \- Don’t think you know me well, maybe I do like it. 

  * \- This is getting nowhere, he said, shaking his head in disbelief. 

  * \- You see, exactly my point, I said, turning down on my heels and going away from him. 

  * 


This time, he didn’t try to stop me. I went up my dorm to drop my bag. As I came back in the Common Room, all the group was there, laughing and clearly cheering for the week-end. Marlene saw me enter. 

  * \- Hey, Dor!!! Those lot didn’t know that your birthday is this Sunday! 




I rolled my eyes, before I came to sit on her knees, having no other place on the couches. 

  *   * \- Of course, they don’t, because I didn’t tell them, I stated the obvious. 




We usually celebrate my birthday between us girls, in our dorm. The tradition is that we put a silencing spell on the door and that we sang very loudly (and badly), play silly games and eat a lot of candies. This is how we celebrated my aging every year since our first year. I pretty much intended to keep it that way, but I guess Marlene thought otherwise. 

  *   * \- Well, I did, she said, quite matter-of-factly. 

  * \- We’ll throw you a party! Here, tomorrow night! James exclaimed loudly. 

  * \- Really, you don’t have to, I said, getting a flick on the thigh by Marlene. 

  * \- Of course, we have to, silly! Please don’t be a party-pooper, we work so hard this year, we need this, hon, pleeeaaasee??? Begged Marlene. 

  * \- Why do you need my permission? You surely don’t need me to throw a party? I asked her. 



  * \- We don’t. But don’t you want to be the queen of our party? Asked James. 




I looked at him, comfortably sitting in an armchair, Lily sitting on the armrest, smiling at me. 

  * \- Do I? I asked him back. 

  * \- You sure as hell do! He said. Plus, we’ll be celebrating our first Quidditch victory at the same time, win-win situation! 

  * \- We really have to win, then, don’t we? I asked, warming up about the fact that my birthday wouldn’t pass under the radar this year. 



  * \- Are you doubting that we’ll give the Slytherins the beating of their lives? Asked Sirius. 




He had that devilish crooked smile of his, taunting me deliberatly, I was sure of it. 

  * \- You’re right, of course we will. I just hope to not spend my birthday party in the hospital wing, I added sarcastically. 

  * \- I will devote myself to your protection, my queen, he said, doing a really exaggerated courtesy, making everybody laugh. 

  * \- Okay, then. I’m in for the party, at one condition, I said. 



  * \- Merlin, is this girl demanding, James complained. What can you possibly want, Meadowes? 

  * \- Hey, it’s my birthday after all, isn’t it? I smiled widely at him. I’m going with you guys, fetching drinks and treats. Non-negotiable, I added. 




Everybody knew that the Marauders had a way to Hogsmeade, because they bring alcohol and other stuff to every party. They just, like they always do, never shared the secret with us, simple mortals. James face palmed dramatically. 

  * \- This chick will be the death of me, he said. Fine, you’ll come with us, but just because you’re the birthday girl! 

  * \- Weeee! I said, clapping my hands. Thanks, James, I added. 



  * \- You’re abusing me because I’m your best friend’s boyfriend, he said, kissing Lily on the cheek. 

  * \- I sure do! But thanks anyway, I laughed. 




We all went to dinner not long after, and I went back in the dorm with the girls afterwards to get ready for my date. The girls helped me prepare. My hair, still purple, were curling down my back, and Marlene putted some make up on my eyes, and she even convince me to wear lipstick. Because I was going on top of the Astronomy tower, I put on a brown leather jacket and a big cream-colored scarf, blue jeans and brown boots. 

  * \- You’re so beautiful, hon, said Lily. Have a nice date! Don’t think of him, she added in my ear while hugging me. 




Not replying, I got out of the dorm and down the stairs. As every Friday nights, the Common Room was cramped with students, thrilled by the fact that it was the end of the week. I was unable to stop my gaze from scanning the room for Sirius. He was there indeed, coming from the portrait, and he raised his head and saw me. His eyes raked my body, then he looked away and headed up the stairs to his dorm. I arrived at the bottom of the stairs and headed outside, refusing to think about him for one more minute tonight. I went up to the Astronomy tower and arriving there, I saw a golden light coming from a corner (figure of speech, because, of course, there’s no corner on a round tower...). As I approached, I saw that there were a lot of candles all around, a blanket was on the floor, with a picnin basket on it, and Freddy had his back at me, his hand on the guardrail, looking at the sunset. 

  * \- Hi, I shyly said to announce myself. 




He turned back at me with a very handsome smile. 

  *   * \- Hi, Dorcas, come here, he said, holding out his hand for me to take. 




I came closer and took his hand. He pulled me at his side, and let go of my hand, only to pass his arm around my waist. The gesture was… Pretty intimate, and, I must add, not unpleasant at all. 

  *   * \- Look at that, isn’t it the best view of the castle? He said. 



  * \- It sure is. You come here often? I asked him. 

  * \- Yeah. And I know what you think, but no, not just with girls. I come often alone, too. It’s my favorite spot to think, too. 

  * \- And what do you think about, when you’re here? I asked. 

  * \- Life. School. The growing war. That kind of stuff, he said, turning to me. But, let’s not get unto the heavy stuff just yet, won’t we? Come, he said, pulling me towards the blanket near us. 




We sat side by side on it and I turned to look at him. 

  * \- Why did you invite me tonight? I asked him. 

  * \- I had an eye, I must say, both of them, on you for a while. Your purple stunt days ago just triggered it. By that, I mean that it pushed me to ask you out faster, before somebody else’s did. 

  * \- I don’t think anybody else really intended to... I began. 

  * \- So, by that you mean that you’re really oblivious to how cute you are? He grinned at me. That only makes me like you even more. So, the purple stunt wasn’t a call for attention, then? He smirked. 

  * \- Of course, it wasn’t! I didn’t do this. Sirius Black pranked me, he spiked my shampoo. 

  * \- He did? Well, remind me to thank him for that, he said. Let’s see what we have here, he added, opening his basket. 

  * \- You don’t know what’s in it? I asked, intrigued. 



  * \- I do know that there’s cider, because I putted it in it. But, I’m no cook, so I asked the elves to put good snacks in it for a date. 

  * \- You know where the kitchen are? I asked him, impressed. 

  * \- I do, I could show you sometimes, if you want. 

  * \- Someone show me recently, I said, not mentioning that it was Sirius, I didn’t want him to think that he’s all I could think about... 

  * \- Alright then. Okay, there’s cookies, a pumpkin pie and brownies. Well, I hope you’re hungry. 



  * \- A little, give me a piece of brownies, please. 

  * \- Here, he said. 




He poured two cups of cider and gave one to me. 

  * \- So, he said. You asked why I invited you, but you never said why you agreed to it, he said to me, with a crooked smile. 

  * \- True. Let’s say… That I was single and intrigued. 



  * \- By me? Why? 

  * \- Because, I don’t know you that much, but I’ve heard good things about you. 

  * \- You did? 

  * \- Yeah. But, I have to warn you... I’m not looking for... Something serious? 

  * \- You’re not? Well, even better, because I’m not looking for seriousness too. Isn’t it perfect? 



  * \- Excuse my innocence, here, but, what do you suggest we do, then? 

  * \- Casual dating? We date from time to time, for fun? How does that sound? 

  * \- Good. But, what, we act as we’re not involved? 

  * \- I don’t care about public display, if that’s what you mean. If the situation was to change, for you or me, we just call it off? 

  * \- Okay? I said, unsure of the situation, but clearly relieved that I’m not engaging in a relationship. 




I looked at him, grinning at me, his dimples showing, making him look amazingly cute. 

  *   * \- We just, you know, share affection, for a while... Let me show you what I’m talking about... 




He came closer, his hand caressing my cheek, then our lips connected gently, and we kissed for a little moment. He released me, still smiling warmly at me. 

  * \- So? He asked me. 

  * \- I would say that I don’t mind that, at all, I said, blushing a little. 

  * \- Good, because I intend to do it again, sometimes... Let’s cheer to our casual dating? He said. 

  * \- To our casual dating, I repeated, for once in my life feeling awfully modern. 




\- We banged our cups, laughing, and drank from it. 

  * \- Okay then, Dorcas Meadowes, tell me more about you, he said. 

  * 


We talked about our families, interests, hobbies, and more for a while, drinking the cider and eating the snacks. I found myself very interested by him and I was able to forget about Sirius sometimes during the conversation. At a quarter to ten, he offered me to take me back to the Gryffindor tower, before the curfew (which was at eleven the weekends). As we arrived near the portrait, we stopped and looked at each other. 

  * \- Well, Dorcas, that was fun, he said. 

  * \- That surely was, indeed, I replied. 

  * \- May I kiss you goodnight? He asked me, faintly serious. 



  * \- You may... 

  * 


He opened his arms and hugged me warmly, kissing my hair while at it. Then, he took my chin between his fingers and kissed me warmly, leaving me feeling a little unbalanced as he detached himself from me. 

  * \- Goodnight, Dorcas, he said while releasing me. 

  * \- 'Night, I replied. 




As I entered the Common Room, I saw that my friends weren’t there, neither were they in our dorm. I went back in the corridor and walk to our special room. Asking to hang-out with my friends, the door revealed itself to me and I entered. They were all there all right, laughing and drinking together. 

  * \- Hey, Dor! How was your date with dreamy boy? Marlene asked me. 




I came to sit with them on the couch, in between Mary and Remus. 

  * \- Oh, it was great, I said, smiling. 

  * \- Okay, you’ll need to feed us with more details, hon, Marlene said. 

  * \- Like, what did you do? Asked Lily. 

  * \- Was it romantic? Asked Mary. 



  * \- We don’t care about those topics, let’s go straight to the point, did you kiss? Asked James. 

  * \- James, it’s so none of your business, said Marlene. DID YOU? She asked me, turning to me. 

  * \- Euhm… Girls, maybe later, in our dorm, I said, gesturing at the boys. 

  * \- Oh, good idea, far from those nosy friends of ours? Lily said, throwing a pillow at James. 

  * \- Hey! You’re depriving me of my right to gossip, he said to her, laughing. 



  * \- Seems to me like she doesn’t kiss and tell, said Sirius, smirking. 




I turned to him and maintained his gaze. Was he implying that I didn't? Well, I have some news for you, jerk, I thought. 

  * \- Well, we did kiss, if you absolutely want to know, I said, looking at him. 

  * \- You did??? Said Marlene. 

  * \- Will you see him again? Said Mary. 



  * \- We’re supposed to, yes, I answered her. 

  * \- I knew you two would be a good match, Marlene answered. 

  * \- Now, would you please leave me alone with the questioning of my personal life? I asked them, taking the bottle of Firewhisky and pouring some in a glass. 

  * \- All right, all right, we leave it alone, FOR NOW, Said James. Now, on a more pressing matters, don’t drink too much, Quidditch match, tomorrow, he reminded me. 

  * \- Fine, dad, I said, raising my glass to him and emptying it. 



  * \- Okay, since you’re being a pest, this is going back to my dorm, he said, flicking his wand to the bottle who disappeared. 

  * \- JAMES??? I said, outraged. What about my birthday? 

  * \- We’ll celebrate it tomorrow, tonight you take it easy, girl, I need you to score tomorrow. 

  * \- I always do, I said, with a cocky smile. 

  * \- That is, if you don’t get a broken arm from Mulciber, Sirius pointed out, smirking. 



  * \- Hey, you told me you would protect me! Are your talents overrated? I snidely asked. 

  * \- They sure are not! He riposted. 

  * \- Then, why don’t you prove it to me tomorrow? I asked him. 

  * \- You two are getting better at working together, I see. I like that better than before, continue the good work, a.k.a, fight, but with the goal to be better at playing! He winked at us. 

  * \- Now he’s actually ruining it, I commented. 



  * \- Totally, agreed Sirius. 




Everybody laughed and we continued to hang out for a while, until we got tired and went back, after James checked out the map for us to go without crossing Filch or else. As we were back into our dorm, Mary and Lily headed to the bathroom, while I laid on my bed to finish reading my novel. Mary’s cat, an old big gray fluffy thing called Gray (in her defense, she was four when she got it) jumped on my bed to snug with me. I scratched his neck and it began immediately to purr, satisfied. 

  * \- Dor, you’re so going to wear this tomorrow night, said Marlene. 




I looked at her, she was showing me a dark blue dress, sparkling a little, like a starry night, with long sleeves, and two sections on the front, fixed with a belt to tie. Still way too short, I thought. I was about to say it out loud to Marlene, but then remembered the way Sirius looked at my thighs earlier today and didn’t say anything. 

  * \- Is it new? First time I see it? I asked instead. 



  * \- Of course, it is, I bought it for your birthday, silly, she said. 

  * \- You did? 

  * \- You like it or not? She was growing impatient. 

  * \- Of course, I do, Lene, it’s beautiful, thanks! 




I got up from the bed and I hugged her, then took the dress. It was in fact a very nice dress indeed. 

  * \- Happy birthday, she said, he will go mad seeing you in it, she added with a wink. 




She sat at my side on my bed, while the other two were talking in the bathroom. 

  * \- I saw the way you two devours each other’s eyes. You did what I told you? 

  * \- Yeah, and I did have dated somebody else, tonight, didn’t I? 

  * \- You did. I’m sure it was great, because, well obviously, Freddy Duncan! So, how was it? 



  * \- Amazing. Simple. Can you believe, I agreed to casually date him, just for fun, no engagement. 

  * \- Great, the point is to have fun, right? He’s a good kisser, am I right? 

  * \- Yup. It was very nice kissing him, it made me forget about the other one, for some time. 

  * \- Well, that’s a good thing, keep on the good work, he’ll fall for you, I’m sure of it. 

  * \- Maybe if he takes too long, I won’t want him to anymore? 



  * \- I doubt that, love, she said, hugging me. 




The girls came out of the shower and we talked a little bit of tomorrow’s party with anticipation before we got to bed 


	18. Of Hogsmeade and Dare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quidditch, Hogsmeade, Birthday party and a marvelous truth or dare session...

**Chapter 18: Of Hogsmeade and Dare**

I arrived early into the locker room. I changed unto my Quidditch equipment, feeling like I would be sick. I was playing tough in front of everyone, but I really did fear the Slytherin’s madness. It knotted my stomach all day, I ate next to nothing for breakfast and lunch. I heard teammates coming and, not wanting to talk to them just now, as I was really stressed out, I went into the shower room, and hide in the last shower of the row. I sat on the floor, putted my legs up, surrounded them with my arms and leaned my head on top of my knees. I didn’t know how long I stayed there, but after a moment, I heard James calling my name. 

  * \- Meadowes? Are you in here? He asked. 

  * \- Yeah. I’m coming. Give me a minute, I replied. 




Not waiting, he came to me. I raised my head to meet his concerned gaze on me. 

  * \- I’m okay. I’m coming, I said. 

  * \- No, you’re not, he said, before he came to sit at my side. It’s okay to be nervous, Dorcas. Those filthy snakes are vicious brats. 

  * \- They are, aren’t they? I agreed. How stupid am I, after defeating two death eaters by myself, to fear a silly Quidditch match against students... 

  * \- I admit that your logic seems a little off when you put it like this… He smiled at me. 



  * \- Right ? I know it's stupid, but I'm stressed out nonetheless. 

  * \- Don’t worry, Pads will make sure you don’t get hurt. You do know he’s especially fond of you, he won’t let anything happen to you... 

  * \- Sure, he is, I said sarcastically. 

  * \- He is. You know, most of the times, when he’s not calling you a sassy brat, that is, he said, winking at me. 

  * \- That is more like it, I grinned. 



  * \- So... Are you coming? I need to make my heroic speech to the team! He said, getting up and then helping me up with his hand. 




We got back in the locker room with the others. As usual, the team formed a circle around James. 

  * \- Well, guys, you know those bastards, nothing in the brain, but sneaky rats! Take care not to give Mulciber an occasion to caught you with a bludger, be careful, do your thing, apply the figures we practiced, we will win for sure! This match is for Meadowes’s birthday, we will crash them and then feast all night long! Won’t we? 




We shouted in response and got out of the locker room to enter the Pitch, running on an adrenaline’s rush. I climbed on my broom, deciding to think that it would go well. James shouted at me that I was the first at face-off. I went up and faced Monika Greengrass, a girl who was as beautiful as she was crazy, and she was a rare beauty. She once stole Mulciber’s bat to pursue me with it, furious after I stole the quaffle from her. Of course, she got a blame, giving us a penalty shot, during which I scored. After the match, she was so mad at me that she ran after me trying to jinx me, luckily, I dodged her jinxes and James casted a spell on her, taking her down and giving a chance for Hooch to catch up with her and to put her in detention for unsporting behavior. Let’s say that she hate me since that game... 

Right after Hooch threw the Quaffle in the air and whistled for the match to begin, I stole the quaffle under Greengrass’ nose and speeded in direction of the goals. Seeing that Mulciber, not bothering to use his bat, was trying to make me fall from my broom, I passed the quaffle to Hope, who was near the left goal and she scored the first point of the match. Mulciber flew past me, elbowing me roughly while doing it. A moment after, I saw a bludger hit his left thigh and he yelled in pain, cursing against Sirius, who was clearly the one who sent it his way. I winked at him and went back to try to stole the quaffle from Rupert, one of Slytherin's chaser. The game went by without too much incidents.

After 45 minutes, the score was 100 to 40, for us, of course. I was still on Greengrass’ case, trying to push her to grab the quaffle or at least, prevent her to score. As I was getting very close, she intentionally stopped abruptly, raising her elbow, where my face went to crash. My mouth roughly met the elbow and it hurt like hell. I tasted blood in my mouth, and was a little dizzy, causing me to stop and giving her the opportunity to score in the middle ring. Right after, I heard the crowd cheering very loudly. Doubting that it was because of Slytherin’s goal (usually, only Slytherin House cheered for Slytherin…) I spotted James at the end of the field, pirouetting in victory, and I deduced that he grabbed the Snitch. I joined the rest of the team’s movement towards James. I sensed somebody by my side on my way there. 

  * \- Are you hurt? Sirius asked me, looking concerned. 



  * \- Oh. Not that much, I think, I said. 

  * \- You have blood flowing from your mouth, he added, frowning at me. 

  * \- Have I? I said, wiping my mouth over my sleeve. I shrugged at him, making him grin back at me. 




We arrived with the others and we hugged them with enthusiasm. We ran to the Locker room, where we hurried to take showers to go back to the castle. James came by my side as I was putting back my socks and shoes. 

  * \- Hey, Meadowes, we’ll go on our secret mission, he winked at me. 



  * \- Oh, great! I’m ready, I said excitedly. 

  * \- Meet us on fourth floor? After dropping your things in your dorm? 

  * \- Okay! 




We went back to the castle and up to our Common Room to drop our stuff in our dorms before dinner, for most, before going to Hogsmeade, in my case... I headed back down to the fourth floor, full of expectations. We were skipping dinner, but James told me that we would eat at Hogsmeade. When I arrived, James and Sirius were indeed waiting for me next to the stairs. Sirius looked at the map, then ask me to follow him discreetly. We stopped in front of a big mirror near to the girl's bathroom. He opened it and there was a passageway behind it. All these years, I used this mirror to look at my reflection while going from one class to another, without knowing that it was hiding a passageway…! He left space for us to enter before him, then followed us, closing the door (or more, the mirror frame), then their wands lit, and I did the same with mine. 

  * \- How is your mouth? Sirius asked me, Greengrass’ a vicious one… He added. 



  * \- Oh. I’m okay. It doesn’t hurt that much, I said. 

  * \- You’re a tough one, Meadowes, aren’t you? Said James, putting his arm on my shoulders and leading me down the passageway. 

  * \- Where does that lead? I asked him. 

  * \- You’ll see! He teased me. 




I rolled my eyes, even if we were in the dark and that he couldn’t see it. He released me and took the lead, and I was walking between him and Sirius. A little while later, we emerged in what looked like a storage room. There was boxes of stuff stacked up to the ceiling. I saw that some were crates of butterbeers. 

  * \- Are we at the Three Broomsticks? I asked them. 

  * \- Yup, Sirius said, putting his hand in my back to push me out of there. 




We entered the crowded pub together, the boys were obviously not bothering to be subtle, so I guessed we didn’t have to hide our entrance. Sirius went in front of James and I when we entered. The very beautiful young owner of the pub, Rosmerta, came our way with a big smile. 

  * \- Hello, handsome! It’s been a while! How are you? She asked Sirius. 

  * \- Hello,Ros', he answered, clearly using all his charm on her, something I guess he was doing a lot to obtain what he wanted from her. I do hope that this was only a business relationship though… 



  * \- Hey, James, and who are you bringing? I told you not to bring new people here this way too often! She reprimanded him, but still looking at me with a welcoming smile. 

  * \- This is Dorcas, Dorcas, this is Rosmerta. We are celebrating her birthday, tonight, James explained to her. 

  * \- Oh! Happy birthday, beautiful! She wishes me, hugging me. Well, you lot want to eat something? I have some pretty good stuff on the menu tonight! We hired a new chef, you see, and his cooking skills are amazing! 

  * \- Yes, please, answered Sirius. 

  * \- Take this table, at the back, there, I’ll come and see you in a minute, she said, going back to serve other customers. 




We went the way she pointed to us. We sat together on the comfortable bench. A minute later, Rosmerta came to see us, with three butterbeers. 

  * \- So, what can I get you, honeybuns? She asked us. 




We ordered dinner, and she left again. 

  * \- So, you two, why don’t you explain to me how come you can sneak out here and bring back alcohol at school? I asked them. 

  * \- We discovered the passage leading here during the making of the map, during our fourth year. Rosmerta was already fond of us, since she met us a year ago, Sirius explained. 



  * \- I’m guessing, especially fond of you, am I right? I asked him with a smirk, and, I might add, a little tinge of jealousy. 

  * \- Of course, he said, smirking. Then, when we first came by the passage, me and Prongs, she was cleaning the storage room and she nearly had a heart attack. Then, she warmed up at us, and one thing leading to another, she sells to us when we come. She’s still young, her years at Hogwarts were not that long ago. She remembers how boring were the parties and she help us spicing them up… He smiled. 

  * \- You do know that everything seems to come too easy for you boys? I teased him. 

  * \- Yes and no, we did work hard for a lot of stuff, James said. Like to become Animagi, and the making of the map! He added, whispering. 

  * \- Yeah, true, I said. But I meant, you lot are charismatics bastards, especially you and Sirius, I added. 



  * \- Are we, now? Sirius said, smirking to me. 

  * \- Yes, but the cocky attitude pretty much ruins it, I added, grinning. 

  * \- She doesn’t deserve us, said James. 

  * \- Definitely not, confirmed Sirius. She doesn’t get us. 

  * \- You two aren’t that complicated to figure out, I smirked. 



  * \- Says the girl who is desperately trying to know all our secrets, said James. 

  * \- Busted, I said, laughing. 




We were interrupted by Rosmerta serving us our mouth-watering beef and mushrooms stew and our drinks. We ate while talking about the match and the incoming party. After we finished, James left us to go pay for dinner and place his order for the party. 

  *   * \- By the way, Sirius said, putting a little black box in front of me, happy birthday Meadowes. 

  * \- You’re offering me a gift? Why? I said, flabbergasted. 



  * \- Don’t get too excited, maybe you won’t even like it, he said, passing a hand in his hair, a gesture I knew he does when he’s nervous. 

  * \- But... I still don’t understand... 

  * \- Meadowes, in case you were blind, we got closer, within the last couple of months. I consider you as my girl’s best buddy, now. 

  * \- You do? I asked, feeling very good about it. 

  * \- Don’t make this awkward, just open the damn gift, he said, smirking. 




Rolling my eyes at him, I opened it, it was a delicate silver chain, with a little silver pendant. I took it to take a closer look at it, it was sort of a tiny feminine figurine… 

  * \- It’s a Fury, from greek mythology, he explained, you know, because I call you that often... 

  * \- … 

  * \- It’s fine if you don’t like it, I can take it back… He said, looking awkward. 

  * \- No, don’t, I actually love it, I said, trying to mask my overwhelming emotion. 



  * \- Oh. Glad you like it. You want me to help you put it on? He asked, taking it from my hands. 

  * \- Sure, I said, turning my back on him and taking my hair up. 




His fingers lightly touching the back of my neck were giving me shivers all over. He fixed it, it was long and the pendant went to hide under my white blouse collar and took place between my boobs, hiding it from the world, something I liked. It would be mine alone and no-one else’s. 

  * \- This pendant is the luckiest, he said, when I turned back to face him, he was looking at the little cleavage my blouse was showing. 

  * \- This is not something a friend would say, I said to him. 



  * \- Well, brace yourself, because that’s what being friends with me means. 




I facepalmed, laughing at his crude attitude. I was finishing my Butterbeer when James came back. 

  * \- Right, everything is ready, guys, we can go, he said. 

  * \- Good, I said, getting up promptly, excited to attend my first-ever birthday party. 




We levitated magically our boxes of booze on the way back to the castle. When we arrived at the end of the passageway, we putted them down on the floor. James took out the map and looked at it with the light coming from his wand. 

  * \- Okay, so Filch's on the first floor, and there’s just couple of students on our way. So, I’ll take the boxes and you two go first. Wait… 




He opened his bag, took a shiny cloak and put it on… And disappeared. 

  * \- You have an invisibility cloak??? I exclaimed. 

  * \- Yup. I’m ready, you go first, he commanded. 




Still not believing those boys, I opened the mirror and went out, waiting for Sirius and him to follow. 

  * \- I’m out, he said, because obviously, we didn’t see him. 




I closed the door and we went upstairs, followed by an invisible, but glass-clinging sounded James. We went by in steps, we told him he could come after nobody were left in stairs or corridors. We made it quite efficiently to the seventh floor, then, in front of The fat lady portrait. James took of the cloak, putted it back in his bag, and I said the Password for the portrait to allowed us in. We were greeted by loud cheering, I suspected more for the booze than for us really… But never mind, it was announcing a great night. James putted the boxes down, and Peter and him took off the bottles and disposed them on a studying desk who had been cleared beforehand. There was a good variety of drinks, Firewhisky, Goblin wine, Fairy liquor Butterbeer and elven hydromel. James was warning the younger Gryffindor that they were only allowed Butterbeer, or there would be consequences. And, since everybody knew how famous a prankster James was, they would think twice before disobeying him.

Not seeing the girls out there, I came upstairs to change before the soiree. As I entered the dorm, there was flashy birthday decorations everywhere and the girls greeted me by throwing confetti on me. 

  * \- Happy birthday Dor!!! They say the three of them together. 

  * \- Thanks, girls! I replied, while joining the group hug. 

  * \- Put on your dress, so we can go downstairs, said Marlene, giving it to me. 




I took it and began to undress while they sat on the beds waiting for me. 

  * \- So, how was your escape to Hogsmeade? Asked Lily. 

  * \- Amazing. We had dinner at The three broomsticks, I said, removing my blouse. 

  * \- And what is this? Asked Mary, pointing my chest, where my new jewel was. 

  * \- Oh. That would be my… birthday gift from Sirius, I said shyly. 



  * \- Really? How cute! Said Mary. 




The girls came closer to take a look at it. 

  * \- It’s very nice, but what is it? Asked Marlene. 

  * \- He said it’s a Fury, since he thinks I’m crazy, that made him think of me, I guess… 

  * \- This is so perfect, Dor, said Lily. 



  * \- And romantic! Added Mary. 

  * \- Oh it’s not, he told me that we’re close friends, that’s why he gave it to me. 

  * \- Yeah, right, said Marlene, all my close friends give me jewelry, she mocked me. 




I putted the dress on and looked at my reflection in the mirror. Because the dress had more cleavage than my blouse, the thin chain was showing, but the pendant was still comfortably lodged between my breasts, hidden. Marlene insisted to put some make-up on me, and she wasn’t sparing me, she putted black eyeliner on top and under my eyes, then mascara and I fought her to not put lipstick on me. She capitulated because it was my birthday, but she was clearly disappointed. I told them to go downstairs, took my wand, glanced at my reflection one more time, then got out of the dorm.

While going down, I tried spotting Sirius, and I saw him, pouring himself a glass of Firewhisky. At that moment, as if he sensed my eyes on him, he rose his gaze and our eyes met. Then, his eyes wondered all over me, clearly appreciating my new dress. He seemed to forced himself to tear his gaze from me, took a sip from his glass, then turned around to talk with Jonathan, as if nothing happened. It was very high emotions for me. At first, the thrill is giving you like excitement shivers all over, from the heart to all parts of your body until it reaches your fingertips… And seconds later, when you remember that nothing was really happening, it was such a big downer and the excitement was replaced by small tinges of pain. I looked elsewhere, spotted Lily, who was looking at me with a big smile so full of love, it warmed me up inside. She came to meet me, giving me a glass of cider. At that moment, James climbed on a bench, always the attention whore. 

  * \- Greetings to you all! There’s a lot of things to celebrate for us tonight. First, I can’t waste the occasion to mentioned to you, dear fellows Gryffindor, that me and my beautiful Lily-flower are celebrating our first month anniversary tonight…! He said, raising his glass to her, who was still by my side. 




I looked at Lily, who was rolling her eyes, but at the same time, was transpiring happiness from all her pores. 

  * \- Also, you lot saw earlier the way we easily defeated those idiotic Slytherins? If not, get out of here immediately?! 




People were laughing, and some were awkwardly clearly wondering if it was a joke, or if they really had to get out if they weren’t present at the match earlier. 

  * \- I’m joking, Morrill, come back, you fool! He said at a shy fifth year boy. And, finally, the real reason for this party tonight, the aging of our beloved Dorcas Meadowes! Come here, you old crone! He teased me. 

  * \- Hey! I’m just 6 months older than you! I replied, offended. 



  * \- Shut up and come here! He replied. 




Marlene, who was behind me, took my glass and then pushed me towards James. I reluctantly continued his way. As I arrived near him, Remus, who was standing next to James’s bench, held out his hand for me to take it, to help me up. I putted my hand in his and sighed, while going up to be the center of attention with that bloody fool of a friend of mine. 

  * \- All right! Somebody pours that damsel a shooter! And another one for me! He demanded. 




Peter did it and then gave them to James. 

  * \- Here, birthday girl! He said, giving me a shooter. So, what can we say about Meadowes? He said, scratching his head. She sure is a huge pain in the ass, always putting her nose where it doesn’t belong, she’s a bad drunk, and she can often be very rude! He began. 



  * \- You mean, like you are rude with me right at the moment? Thanks for the uncalled roast! I replied with an eyroll. 

  * \- But she also possesses good qualities, he continued without acknowledging me. She kicks ass at Quidditch, she kicks ass in class, except Potions, obviously… And she’s a very good and funny friend! I suggest we make a toast! Happy birthday, weirdo! He finished, raising his shooter. 




I rerolled my eyes, but, like Lily earlier, couldn’t hide my pleasure at the moment, my lips turning into a grin. James turned to me, we clang our shooters together and we drank in, before getting down from the bench, Remus still helping me. 

  * \- Thanks, I said to him. 

  * \- Happy anniversary, he nicely said, opening his arms to hug me. 




I went and we hugged, while leaning my head on his shoulder, I spotted Sirius frowning at us. Well, the hell with it, I thought, you're the one preventing us to happen... I stepped back, though, because staying there more than 10 seconds would begin to be weird. I looked at Remus, who was obviously not in big shape. 

  * \- Are you okay? I asked him, putting my hand on his arm with consideration. 

  * \- Oh, sure. Just tired, that’s all… 

  * \- Do you want to sit, I guess we could kick out those first year from the couch? I suggested him, half-serious. 

  * \- No, I’m fine, he laughed. Here, I have a little something for you, he said, putting a little dark red pouch in my hand. 



  * \- Oh. Remus, you shouldn’t… I began, a little shy. 

  * \- Just open it, Dorcas, he said, smirking. 




I opened it, it was a small vial containing a navy blue liquid. 

  * \- What is it? I asked him. 

  * \- Hide it right now, he said, looking behind his back, I listened and dropped it in my dress’s pocket. 



  * \- So? What’s all the mystery? I asked again. 

  * \- I wanted you to get an opportunity for a little pay back, he said, taking one of my less-but-still purple lock of hair between his fingers. 

  * \- Oh. This is good. Best birthday gift ever! I said, smiling mischievously, not listening to the voice inside my head who was debating that Sirius’s gift was better. 

  * \- Okay, stop monopolizing the star of the night! I heard Marlene said behind Remus. 




She got closer to us and passed her arm around his waist to face me, winking at me. 

  * \- James asked me to tell you that he has something for you, she said, smiling at me. 

  * \- Oh, okay, later you two, I said, before I turned back and looked for him. 




He was next to the booze table and waving at me, smirking. I went to meet him. 

  * \- Hey, here, this is for you, he said, smirking while pointing at three shots of Fairy raspberry liquor. 

  * \- Nope. Not happening. I’m out of here, I said, taking a step back. 



  * \- Hey, don’t you dare! And if it could convince you to get drunk for your birthday, here, happy birthday, smart-ass, he added, giving me a small leather package. 




Intrigued, I undid the leather laces and opened it. It was a little vial storage, and I immediately recognize the hangover-potion he gave me after the soiree at his home. There was eight of them in it. 

  * \- Greeeeaaaat! Thanks, James! I exclaimed, hugging him with affection. 

  * \- You’re becoming a spoiled brat, since we got good friends, right? He said, smirking. 

  * \- Totally, and I love it, I smiled at him. 



  * \- So, now, would you, please, take those damn shooters? He asked, amused. 

  * \- It depends, I want something in return… I smirked, crossing my arms. 

  * \- Ah, come onnnnn!!!! He said, desperate. 

  * \- You drink the same amount with me… I concluded. 

  * \- … Deal, he said, pouring himself shooters of Firewhisky. 



  * \- Okay, I said, taking the first one, clinging it with his. Cheers! I added, and we drank it. 

  * \- This here sounds like a bad plan, I heard Sirius said behind my back. 

  * \- Okay, three more shots for Party-pooper-Pads, said James, pouring three others shot. 

  * \- Forgetting someone, aren’t you? I heard Lily say from behind James. 

  * \- Surely not, any occasion to get you drunk, my love, said James, spinning her and kissing her. 



  * \- Ew. Get a room, I said, but with a tender smile for them. 




Lily winked at me, while James was pouring the shooters. Her and Sirius banged their first one together and drank it. James gave us the second one, before he took his own. 

  * \- Okay, to you guys, I love you, especially Evans, but I love you both very much too! He said, pointing to me and Sirius. 

  * \- Merlin, he’s already drunk, Sirius stated, clinging his shooter with ours nonetheless. 




Sirius took the last shooters and gave it to us. 

  * \- Let’s finish this madness, he said, raising his shooter with us, I love you too, you bunch of idiots, he added, while clinging his shooter with ours. 




James and Lily began to seriously make out, so me and Sirius retreated a little away from them. 

  * \- Later, I said, turning my back on him and going to sit with Marlene and Remus on the ground next to the fireplace. 




I saw that Sirius followed me, taking place on the couch. I nonchalantly extended my legs his way, clearly trying to get his attention on me. I guessed that the shooters were beginning to kick in. It worked, though, he looked at me for a moment, before he turned to his right side to talk with Mary. At that moment, Hope approached us. 

  * \- Hey, Happy birthday, Dorcas! She said, sitting herself in front of me, leaning on Sirius’s legs. 



  * \- Thanks, Hope! 




I took a sip of my cider, hiding my grimace while doing so. 

  * \- Let’s play a game, you lot! Hope exclaimed to our group. 




In addition to me, Lene, Remus, Mary, Sirius and Hope, there was also Peter and Jonathan. 

  * \- Like what? Answered James, coming to sit next to me, pulling Lily to seat between his legs. 



  * \- Truth or dare! Hope suggested. 

  * \- Laaaame… Complained Sirius. 

  * \- Could be fun, though! Said Marlene. Let me go first… James, truth or dare? She asked him. 

  * \- Dare, of course, he said. 

  * \- Right, euhm... I dare you to... take your shirt off! 



  * \- We don’t want to see that! I heard Sirius say, laughing. 




\- As James was taking off his shirt, dancing like a gigolo, I facepalmed. 

  * \- Merlin, this is so douchy... I commented. 




He put it back on and took back his place next to a scarlet-red Lily. I wonder if she was ashamed or turned-on, tipsy as she was. I guess the story doesn’t tell, right? 

  * \- My turn, then, James said. Lily, truth or dare? 



  * \- Truth, she said. 

  * \- Since when do you know that you’re in love with me? 

  * \- LAAAAAAMEEEEE, repeated Sirius. 

  * \- Euhm... Honestly, for about a year, she answered, looking like she was thinking about it. 




They kissed as us girls were saying some “Aaaaaawwww”. 

  * \- Hope, truth or dare? Lily asked. 

  * \- Truth! She answered. 

  * \- Is it true that you and Peter snogged after Halloween feast last year? 

  * \- Yes, it is, she said looking a little ashamed by it, actually, and Peter was blushing too. 



  * \- Dorcas, truth or dare? She asked me. 




Good question? I think truth is less scary... 

  * \- Truth? I answered her, still uncertain. 



  * \- Are you a virgin? She asked. 

  * \- … 




Well, I didn’t think about that one. That’s pretty direct indeed. 

  * \- You are, aren’t you? She insisted with a smirk. 

  * \- Well, yeah... 




Was it a bad thing? I never thought that it was. But I have to admit that saying it in front of all my friends (and Hope, which I don’t consider really as a friend) is freaking awkward. 

  * \- Well, now that’s it’s common knowledge for everyone, I said, taking back my pride, Mary, truth or dare? I asked her. 

  * \- Truth, she said. 

  * \- Heum... 




What could I possibly ask her? I know all there is to know about her, and I don’t want her to feel ashamed like I feel at the moment. 

  * \- What is, in your opinion, the best-looking person of the school? I asked her. 

  * \- Well, if I’m being totally honest, it would be Mayson McAllister. 

  * \- The Slytherin??? Asked Sirius. 

  * \- She asked me the best-looking person, not the nicest! She argued with him. Right, euhm. Jonathan? Truth or dare? She asked. 



  * \- Dare! He said. 

  * \- I dare you to... Jinx someone. 

  * \- Easy, he said, getting up, taking out his wand, pointing it on a third year boy’s back and casting Rictusempra. 




The poor boy was caught in an incontrollable laughing session for half a minute, before Jonathan made it stop. They argued for a minute after, the boy was legitimately pissed. 

  * \- Okay then, Sirius Black, I’ll take you out of your bored state, truth or dare, Jonathan said. 

  * \- Dare, he said, looking unconvinced. 

  * \- Perfect, let’s spice up this soiree. I dare you to snog Dorcas, he said, pointing me. 




My brain stopped working at this instant and I felt a big cold sweat taking over me. Have I heard right? Did he just dared Sirius to snog me? In front of everyone? I looked at Jonathan, who was looking at me with mischief in his eyes. I remembered, at this moment, that he often told me that I needed to ‘have more fun’. I guess that’s his idea of a “more fun” me. I reluctantly looked at Sirius, afraid that he would say no to this. He was gazing at me, looking clearly as stunned as I was. 

  * \- Well? Do you prefer truth after all? I heard Jonathan mock him. 




I saw Sirius shaking his head and getting up. 

  * \- No, it’s fine, I’ll do it, he said, coming my way and holding out his hand to me. 




I didn’t even think about saying something against it, add a snidely comment, snap against him, or else, like I would usually act with him. I wanted him to kiss me too damn bad for taking a chance spoiling it. So, I shut up, for once, and just took his hand, as he pulled me to stand up. Not letting go of my hand, he pulled me closer to him, close enough for me to get a scent of his after-shave, somewhat my best odor in the world since I’ve got my first taste of it that night in that dark alleyway. Everyone else disappeared at once as I looked up at him. 

  * \- Is this okay with you? He asked me. 




I simply nodded, not wanting my voice to betray how much I was unto this. His hand finally let go of mine to land on my cheek, surrounding my right ear, and I helped him by raising my chin a little, I was after all a couple of inches smaller than him... His eyes left mine to look at my lips, before he came closer and put his’ gently on mine. His lips were warm, with a lingering taste of Firewhisky, which add a little mordant, a faint glimpse of the fire in it... Without thinking about where I was and who was there (after all, let’s be honest, I forgot all about that a minute ago...), I gripped his shirt and pulled him closer, if it was possible, to deepen the kiss. He opened his lips and I felt his tongue in my mouth, what I happily responded to with mine. I sensed a gigantic electric current going through all my body, this was all so overwhelming. Then, I felt his lips let go of mine and the sound and image around us came back at once. I heard people whistling and teasing us. Coming back to my senses, with reluctance and difficulty I must add, I looked up at him, and he was staring back, panting a little, not saying anything. 

  * \- Well, that sure as hell was hot, someone give me a fan! I heard Marlene laughed behind Sirius. 




I forced my hand to open, releasing his shirt, as he released my face and took a step back from me, before he came back to sit on the couch. I turned around and went back to sit on the floor. I looked at Lily, who was smiling at me, but my eyes caught on James’ preoccupied facial expression, turned to Sirius, who was himself looking a little worriedly in Remus’ direction. What the heck...? I turned to Remus, who was focusing his attention on scrubbing something on the armrest of his chair. Will I someday understand something about those blokes? 

  * \- Black, it’s your turn, remember? Asked Jonathan. 




Sirius turned to him with a clueless expression for a second, before shrugging nonchalantly. 

  * \- Right, Pete, truth or dare? 

  * \- Truth, he said. 

  * \- Don’t be a wuss, Pete, choose dare! Sirius said. 



  * \- Fine, then, dare, Peter conceded. 




And the game was back on for a little while, before we got tired of it and ended it. I got up and went to the booze table for a refill, as Jonathan arrived next to me. 

  * \- So? Didn’t I told you? You had fun back there, didn’t you? He asked me with a smirk. 



  * \- You forcing me to kiss Sirius Black is your definition of fun, then? 

  * \- Don’t make me laugh, you looked pretty into it from my point of view. 

  * \- You have a right to your opinion, I guess, I said, winking at him. 

  * \- All right, you liar, cheers, and happy birthday, he said, clinging his glass with mine, before he went back to the couch. 




As I was looking at him, I saw Sirius, talking with Remus, who looked more exhausted than ever. Sirius helped him up, supporting him towards the stairs, telling people he was wasted. But I knew the actual truth, full moon was very close and he was getting sick because of it. They headed to the stairs leading to their dorm. 

  * \- Hey, Meadowes, I heard James said in my back. 




I turned my gaze from the boys going up the stairs to face him. 

  *   * \- Hey, is Remus okay? I asked him. 

  * \- Why do you ask? He asked, frowning at me. 



  * \- You know why, James, I insisted. 




He was now clearly scowling at me, clearly not understanding what I was talking about. 

  * \- I’m talking about the full moon, you moron, I said in his ear. 

  * \- Oh. The moon. Right, he said. 

  * = Are you drunk? I asked, not believing how slow he was being. 



  * \- … I guess I am, he said, scratching the back of his neck. Well, he’s unwell, as you can see, Pads is taking him to bed. He should have rested tonight, but he didn’t want to miss your birthday... 

  * \- Well, thanks to make me feel bad. 

  * \- That wasn’t the intention. So, you snogged Sirius right, didn’t you? He asked me, smirking. 

  * \- First, he snogged me, second, because he was dare to. 

  * \- Funny, you act like you didn’t enjoy it, maybe my eyes aren’t working well... He mocked me. 



  * \- Stop teasing her, Lily said, as she was coming between us. I’m off to bed, Dor, coming with? She asked me. 

  * \- Yeah, I agreed. 

  * 


She kissed James goodnight and we went up our dorm. Only to be joined a second later by hysterical roommates. 

  *   * \- Dorcas!!!! Mary was excitedly jumping and clapping her hands. 

  * \- This was the hottest snog I’ve ever saw, Marlene said. 




I shook my head, but with a dreamy smile on my face, before I sat on my bed. 

  *   * \- You have to tell us everything, Lily added, as excited as the others. 

  * \- What? You guys were all there when it happened, weren’t you? I asked. 

  * \- You know what I mean, Dor, what was going on in your head, how it felt, everything! She pressed. 

  * \- All right, all right!! Well, when Jonathan dared Sirius to snog me... 




I told them everything that went through my head and body, and we talked some more for over half an hour before we finally got to bed, my head still buzzing from what happened... 

*** 

Sirius 

I turned and turned, unable to sleep, once again, because of her. I could have kiss Davies for his choice of dare. This was the only way to be able to get a taste of her, without complicating everything and make a mess. And what a taste it was. I thought that a kiss would help get her out of my system, that all I wanted was to get a taste of the forbidden fruit. I thought that I just wanted what I couldn’t have, because it’s kind of in my nature. To be rebellious, to act recklessly Problem is, it just left me famished for more and she won’t leave my head and let me get to sleep... 


	19. Chapter 19: Of Fantasizing and Flat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A good waking up and nice birthday's gifts

_I woke up feeling really dizzy. I opened my bed curtains and saw that I was all alone in the dorm. Before I got the chance to get out of bed, I heard the door creaking open and a big shaggy black dog entered the room. I was about to take my wand when I remembered who it was. Indeed, the dog transformed unto Sirius. He was clearly just out of bed too, his hair going everywhere, bare feet, wearing black tight jeans and a cream-colored shirt buttoned up at haste, aka, half done, partly revealing his perfect chest..._

  * _\- Sirius, what are you doing here? I asked him._




_Not answering, he went at the end of my bed and climbed on it, coming to me fast, like in a hurry… He crawled to me, passing between my legs to came face to face with me, before he kissed me. It was urgent, wild, primal, and I responded equally, leaning my back on the bed and taking him with me as I did. As our tongues were moving together in a crazy dance, my hands released his back to come on the front of his shirt and finish unbuttoning it. I took it off of him pretty fast, making him stop kissing me to mock me._

  * _\- Hungry, are you? He smirked, but it faded fast as his eyes went darker while he was looking at my t-shirt. Hm. Your naughty pajamas’ back I see, he said, taking the hem of it, his fingers trailing on my thigh, and pulling it up my waist to remove it._

  * 


_I helped him by arching my back for him to take it off of me faster. I was surprised by my lack of shyness at the moment. Maybe it was because of my too-big-of-a-hunger for him. Or maybe because of the way he was looking at me right now. His stare was very flattering indeed. He was clearly appreciating the view and that made me feel very pretty... He began to kiss my neck, just below my ear and that tickled heavenly. I was feeling his warm breath on my neck as he was trailing kisses down in direction of my bra.I was dying of expectations as he was getting closer to my breasts..._

  * _\- Meeeeeoooowww!!!! I heard him say, and I frowned at him, not understanding why on earth he would meow at a moment like this…_

  * 


*** 

  * \- Meow?

  * 


I opened my eyes, to see that the damned cat was meowing in my ear, standing on my pillow, looking at me with big curious eyes. The bastard. I’ll never forgive the damned animal to stole my most erotic dream to this day. I just pushed it off my bed grumpily, and he reacted by hissing to me, not used to that rudeness coming from me. But the thing is, I was pissed at it. I was having the most marvelous vivid dream about Sirius and I wish I wasn’t pulled out of it by the stupid cat... I closed my eyes again, wishing to go back in the dream, trying hard to focus on the images already starting to fade in my mind... But it was useless. I groan, took my pillow and buried my face in it with exasperation. After a couple of very frustrating minutes, I pushed the bedcovers harshly and sat. I took a look at myself and saw that I was wearing my red pajamas and not the “naughty” t-shirt I had on in the dream... This t-shirt would have made me freeze to death at night in this cold tower. A sudden headache reminded me of yesterday’s party and I was glad about James’ marvellous choice of birthday gift. As I was looking on my bedside table to take the hangover potion I putted there before going to bed, I saw that there was a big orange juice glass and a note from Lily. 

_Good morning Brunette,_

_Drink up that big glass of juice before you take the potion. Because, even if it feels good, you have to hydrate yourself too, not just magically erase the hangover!_

_I’m heading to the library, Mary and Marlene went outside to enjoy the sun, because he’s been pretty shy these days, as you know._

_Love you, Lily._

I followed her advice and drank the juice before I took the awfully smelly potion. I then spotted gifts at the edge of my bed. I took the first one, a dark-blue wrapped rectangular-shaped one. I unwrapted it, it was a small wooden book, whom, when I opened it, contained 3 small potion vials, and a note under the cover in Lily’s handwriting. 

_Because you need to see that potions are cool, here are three badasses samples._

There was scribing under the vials, too. The first one was _Veritaserum_ , the second was _Polyjuice_ and the third was _Felix Felicis_. How on earth did she managed to get those potions? The only one I knew how she got was the liquid luck potion, because she won it in Potion’s class last year. I closed it and took another gift. This one was clearly a book, by Mary. I unwrapped it and it was indeed a book, called Little women, surely another muggle novel that I would read during Yule holidays. There was another gift, a very small one, I guessed that it was from my parents. I opened it and there was just a keyring with two identical keys on it, with a small folded note. 

_You and Lily won’t have to look for a place to live after Hogwarts… Remember Alice’s flat you liked so much? She moved out, it’s yours now, Happy birthday!_

_With all the love in the world,_

_Mom and dad xxx_

They bought me a home for my birthday??? Alice was my mom’s younger sister. She was a journalist for the Daily Prophet and I love her so much. She lived in a perfect, I mean PERFECT small flat near Diagon Alley. It was on the third floor of a tiny old brick building. There were brick walls in it, a complete wall cover with bookshelves, two bedrooms, an open and cozy living room and kitchen, a perfect antique bath… And most of all, a wonderful greenhouse full of plants and flowers on top of the building, and I do LOVE plants, being pretty good in Herbology and all... And the best part was that the first two floors of the building were occupied by a muggle book store (have I told you that this place was PERFECT?). I was literally IN LOVE with that flat. But, Alice was not often there, she travels a lot for work, so I guess she decided to part with it… I cannot believe that it was mine!!! Or more, ours, for me and Lily!!! I think I will surprise her by joining her at the library to tell her the news! I got out of bed, but as I was to get myself dressed up, Lily came in, with pink cheeks and looking a little out of breath. 

  * \- Lily? You’re back from the library? I was about to join you, I needed to tell you… 



  * \- I lied. I was in James’ dorm, we were enjoying some alone time… She blushed. 

  * \- Oh. Did you two…? 

  * \- No, not yet, I don’t think that we would do… this… in the boys’ dorm. That isn’t quite romantic enough for my taste, she winked at me. But let’s get to the matter at hand, here, Dorcas, I think I know why you and Sirius isn’t happening. 

  * \- WHAT? How? 

  * \- Well, I kinda saw that piece of parchment… 




*** 

_Lily_

The heat was getting very very present in the dorm, I stopped snogging with James to remove my cardigan, leaving me in my white tank top. I pulled on James’ jumper, helping him removing it, before I explored his perfect chest with both hands. After a while of furious snogging and touching, James pushed me away gently. 

  * \- Right. Love, we need to stop right now, if we want this to not go further… He said to me, his gaze darker with desire, and a little out of breath. 

  * \- Hm… You’re probably right… I said, regretting the distance between us already. 

  * \- I’ll go take a very very cold shower, he said, getting up and heading to the bathroom. 

  * 


I putted my cardigans back on, then explored the dorm a little. The mess was a typically masculine one, there were clothes hanging on chairs, money on bedside tables, parchments rolls on the floor… I sat on James’ bed and saw a piece of parchment stuck in his suitcase. Intrigued, I pulled on it. 

_A Marauders’ code – Page 3_

A Marauders’ code, how silly is that? But, nothing doesn’t surprise me anymore, coming from those boys, I thought tenderly. I continued to read it. 

_The out-of-reach-list_

_Each member of The Marauders can mark one girl as Out-of-reach for the others on that list._

_Prongs ---- Lily Evans_

_Wormtail ---- Malory Noble_

_Padfoot ---- Marlene McKinnon_

_Moony ---- Dorcas Meadowes_

*** 

_Dorcas_

  * \- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, REMUS PUT MY NAME ON IT? I shouted, not buying it. 

  * \- Just that, you’re his out-of-reach's. 

  * \- Impossible! 

  * \- Is it, though? He always had a soft spot for you. 



  * \- But maybe the list is old? I asked. 

  * \- Yeah, a little, James caught me with it as he was coming from the bathroom. He was a little mad. 

  * \- Oh. 

  * \- Yeah, but I guessed that the fact that we were snogging just minutes ago… It helped my case. 

  * \- And? 



  * \- He asked me to give it back. Then I asked him when this was written. He didn’t want to say, so I told him that he would never snog me again if he didn’t answer me immediately. 

  * \- A convincing choice of argument, I agreed. 

  * \- I thought so too. He admitted that it was written during their third year. 

  * \- Oh. So maybe he doesn’t feel that way anymore about me. 

  * \- Yeah. Don’t be too sure about that. 



  * \- Why? 

  * \- Because they made updates. Peter’s out-of-reach was scratched a couple of times, Sirius changed his too, once. 

  * \- Oh. 

  * \- And your name is still there. 

  * \- And… What name Sirius wrote on it…? I asked, not really wanting to know the answer. 



  * \- Marlene’s. 

  * \- Oh… I said, not understanding. 




Those two had a fling months ago, but Lene told me that it didn’t mean nothing for her, but now I knew that for him it must’ve meant something… It made no sense… And the irony hit me, I fancy Sirius, and Remus putted my name on the list, Marlene fancy Remus and her name is wrote by Sirius… How much of a mess was that? 

  * \- So… Remus fancy me? 



  * \- I guess… I don’t know, this is confusing. But, you can see why Sirius doesn’t want to get involved with you… 

  * \- Yeah, because his out-of-reach is Lene… I said. 

  * \- I don’t know about that, but much more important than this, think, Dorcas. You know the marauders. Biggest bromance I’ve never laid eyes on. And there you have Sirius Black, the infamous womanizer of them, who could have anyone he wants… And if he was to choose the only girl that Remus marked as out-of-reach, aka, you... You have to know, that if it was to happen, and Remus discovers it, that could mean the end of their friendship… I mean, Sirius already broke the code by kissing you yesterday… 

  * \- But it wasn't... He was dared to! 

  * \- Dore, you were there, that was way more than that. It was pretty passionate, and from both sides... 




I put my hands over my mouth in horror. She was right, wasn't she? 

  * \- Oh Merlin… What a mess… What can I do? I asked her, desperate. 

  * \- I don’t know. For now, nothing, but maybe we could figure out a way… 




But, I knew that there wasn't. Even if Sirius wanted to try it, I couldn't let it happen... I wouldn't be the end of their frienship. I closed my eyes for a second, thinking about last night's kiss with regret... 

  * \- And should we tell Marlene? I asked, feeling tired already, even if I just got up. 



  * \- I don’t know. You know her, she would probably explode and run straight there and cause a mess. 

  * \- That does sound like her… 




Marlene and Mary came back at that moment and that was the end of the conversation. Lily and me exchanged a look that I knew meant that this discussion would be for later… 

  * \- Hey, you’re up! Said Marlene, coming to hug me. 

  * \- Yes, and top shape, I said, smiling, because of James miracle of a potion, I added. 

  * \- Perfect then, let’s go eat, I’m famished, said Mary, taking my hand to pull me out of my bed. 

  * \- Maybe I should get dress first, I said with a smile, go on, save me a seat, I’ll be on my way in a couple of minutes! I said, heading for the bathroom. 

  * \- Okay, later hon! Said Marlene, before I heard the door close. 




I hurried to undress and step in the shower, with mixed up emotions. I was saddened by the fact that Remus could have feelings for me that I was unable to return, and by the way that could affect Marlene… And I was also still threatened by Marlene’s name next to Sirius… It was incredible how my life got highly exciting and complicated at the same time. I mean, if someone would tell this to the two months earlier me, I would have laugh. Hard. After all this time spent alone, now I was casually dating one of the hotter person of the school, I was somewhat in love with Sirius, and surely Remus fancies me... I kicked those thoughts out of my head, reminding myself that my friends were waiting on me downstairs. I finished washing my hair then got out of the shower, magically dried my hair, brushed my teeth, got dressed with the first thing that I had on hand (blue jeans and a white blouse), rolled a red scarf around my neck to put some colour on, and hurried out of the dorm to head downstairs. 

As I arrived in the Great Hall, I looked at Gryffindor’s table and spotted my friends. As I was to go their way, I felt someone grabbing my hand. I turned to see that it was Freddy. 

  * You kept from me that today’s your birthday! Happy birthday, Dorcas… He said warmly, pulling me closer and kissing me. 




I heard whistles and cheers all around us and felt very shy. 

  * Have a good lunch, he said, winking at me, before he went back to Ravenclaw’s table. 




I turned around and went in direction of my friends, wondering if they saw us... They were talking and not looking in my direction, so maybe they didn’t... I arrived and saw that they saved me the place between Marlene and Sirius. I sat down and began to grab food fast before it would disappear due to my tardiness. I didn’t look at Sirius, still shy about my dream about him, even if he doesn't have a clue about it... I raised my eyes to look at Remus, who was sitting at James’s side, eating his soup, and looking right back at me. He looked really bad, today being the full moon, I knew why this time... I smiled at him, not knowing at all how to act, I hope he didn’t saw me and Freddy kiss... I know I’ll have to eventually discourage him one way or another, but I did love him, just not the way he would like to, and it was literally breaking my heart...

  * \- So, Dorcas, forgot to ask you, you liked my gift? I heard Lily asking. 




I came back down to earth and looked at Lily and then remembered something very important that my brain pushed away for later because of Lily’s new information earlier. 

  * \- LILY! I shouted, making everybody around us stop talking and turn to me. 

  * \- DORCAS! She replied as loudly as me, laughing. 

  * \- I forgot! OH Merlin, you won’t believe it. Your gift was amazing, and yours too, Mary, but we’ll come back to this later. You see, my parents gave me something SO AWESOME! I added excitedly to Lily. 

  * \- Now you got me intrigued, go on, she pressed me. 



  * \- You remember when I talked to you about the amazing flat of my aunt Alice? 

  * \- The one on top of the book store…? 

  * \- Yeah, that one... IT IS OURS!!! 

  * \- What? 

  * \- My parents bought it for me, FOR US!!! 



  * \- GET OUT! She shouted, clearly getting as excited as I was. 

  * \- I KNOW!!!!! I said, then seeing that McGonagall was looking at me, frowning, clearly asking us to keep it down, I tried to calm down the excitation's a notch. 

  * \- Where is it? Asked James. 

  * \- Downtown London, I said, not far from The Leaky Cauldron. And yes, James, you’re welcome anytime, I winked at him, you all are, in fact! I said, englobing them with a movement of my hand. 

  * \- Amazing! Next favorite hanging out spot! Said Marlene, clapping her hands. When will you have it? She asked. 



  * \- I already have the keys, I said. 

  * \- So no wonder where the New year’s celebration will be held, said Sirius, elbowing me. 

  * 


I took the given occasion to turn my head his way, and he was grinning at me. I sensed my body caught up in fire from the inside just remembering his hands on me, even if it was only fantasy's version of him… I shrugged nonchalantly, not at all reflecting what was going on inside me at the same moment, aka lava. 

  *   * \- That could be arranged? I said. But just us, then, it’s not that big of a flat, I warned them. 

  * \- And you do remember that New Year's party is a big deal for my mom, right? James reminded Sirius. 

  * \- How come? Lily asked. 

  * \- It the party of the year, big reception, ball, booze, important blokes, etcetera.

  * \- It's a nice evening, Peter said dreamily. 

  * \- Well, it's boring, but we always managed to make an appearance and disappear later with the other younger blokes to feast in the greenhouse, James shrugged. You lot should come this year, he invited us. 

  * \- An occasion to dress up? Count me in! Marlene clapped her hands excitedly. 

  * \- You mean a dress? Is there a dress code, Potter? I asked James. 

  * \- Oh yeah. You'll have to find yourself a pretty dress, Meadowes, Sirius smirked at me. 

  * \- Hm. We'll see, I pouted. 

  * \- Your hate of fashion is disconcerting, Marlene laughed at me. 

  * \- Trust me, for the food, music, ambiance, it's worth it to dress like a fool, Peter winked at me. 

  * 


We talked excitedly about New Year's Potter manor's celebration and my new flat some more until the food disappeared and we got up to leave. I spent the day hanging out with the girls, in the park, reading and talking. 

Next morning, aka monday morning, I skipped breakfast to go straight to the hospital wing to see Remus before class. I entered and saw that Miss Pomfrey was turning her back at me, so I sneaked out in her back, knowing that it wasn’t visiting hours yet. I went in direction of the third bed, the only one occupied at the moment, with curtains all around. It was indeed Remus, with a bandage on his arm and another one on his left cheek. He saw me coming and gave me a weak smile. 

  * \- Morning, Dorcas. 

  * \- Hey, how are you? I asked him, feeling dumb for asking. 

  * \- Never been better, he smirked. 



  * \- I know, stupid question. But I did bring chocolate, as you asked me, I said, putting it on his bedside table. 

  * \- Thanks, that won’t go to waste. 

  * \- What else can I do for you? I asked, feeling useless. 

  * \- I’m pretty tired, so, you can make it to breakfast if you hurry. 

  * \- You kicking me out, right? I smiled at him. 



  * \- Yeah, go on, thanks for your visit, and the chocolate, he winked at me. 

  * \- I’ll come back after Potions, I said. 

  * \- You go eat, first. Then, you’ll tell me what you did in Potions, and I’ll help you with your essay, deal? 

  * \- Deal, later, Remus. 

  * \- Later, Dorcas, he said, closing his eyes already. 




I got reprimanded by Pomfrey on my way back, but she didn’t give it her best. Knowing her, I guessed that she was happy that Remus got a visitor. The boys must not go visit him often the mornings after, because I guess they spend the night with him and they must need to sleep a little bit before Potions... Peter was luckily having a free period this morning, he would sleep more than James and Sirius. After breakfast, I went to Potions with Lily. Just seconds before the beginning of class, Sirius and James came in, looking awfull. Their shirts where wrinkled and out of their pants, their ties where loose, they had out-of-bed hairstyles, their eyes were red and rimmed... They litterally crashed on their seats, James kissing Lily, Sirius not bothering to say hi, just dropped his head on his crossed arms on the table and closed his eyes. 

  * \- Big, night, then, boys? I smirked. 

  * \- Yeah, we slept something like two hours max, said James. 

  * \- I went to see Remus, I said. 

  * \- Oh, great, how is he? He asked. 



  * \- Tired, like you lot, and bandaged... But he looked fine. He was joking so I guess he was... 

  * \- Good... James said, letting his head fall on Lily’s shoulder and closing his eyes. 




Slughorn entered and the class began, forcing the boys to pay a little attention, the professor always poking Sirius for him to stop sleeping. They went straight to bed after class, obviously, not having the energy to go to lunch before. I guess that having free access to the kitchen must be very practical in those situations... After lunch, I went back to visit Remus. As I arrived, Pomfrey greeted me (now that I was actually visiting during the right schedule), and I saw that Peter was sitting in the chair next to Remus’ bed. 

  * \- Hi, Peter, I said to him, smiling. 



  * \- Oh, hi, Dorcas, here, I’ll let you two alone, I need to go to class anyway. Take care, mate, he said to Remus. 

  * \- Thanks, Pete, see you, replied Remus, then, he turned to me. Welcome back, Dorcas. 

  * \- Hey, did you sleep well? I asked. 

  * \- Yeah, like in a coma, he grinned. 




We talked about the Herbology’s essay for a while, he made me understand the section I had problems with. I was because I wasn't able to find the reference in the library books. Of course, the library's being Remus' second home, he knew perfectly which book and where to find it. No, I didn't ask the librarian, she was still mad at me because of my nightly expedition (Filch told her) and I was pretty much trying my best to avoid her. I noted the title and library's section, I'll go later on today. Then, I took my Potions’ book and opened it to today’s lesson. 

  * \- So, here’s what we learned in Potions, I said, showing him the recipe, we made, and explaining the potion’s proprieties and all. You know that I must like you very much, to still talk about Potions once the class is finished, right? I winked at him. 

  * \- I consider myself a very lucky man, he said, winking back at me. Speaking of which... Duncan is the luckiest, he added, staring at me. 




I didn’t see that one coming. I felt myself blushing a little. 

  * \- Don’t talk too fast, you know I can be a challenge, I joked, wanting to keep it light. 

  * \- You don’t. I’m serious, Dorcas. I wish I didn’t wait to ask you out before he did. But being a werewolf, I understand why someone would want nothing to do with me. 



  * \- This is a horrible thing to say, like you wouldn’t deserve to be loved. Remus, you’re loved by so much people... And... If I would have... Feelings for you... That wouldn’t stop me. 

  * \- But you haven’t, he stated, frowning and avoiding my gaze.

  * \- I... I love you. But, not the way you would want me to... I said, looking at the floor. 

  * \- Right... He said, clearing his throat. 




At that very awkward moment, Pomfrey came by to change his bandages, shooing me out of there, a very welcomed gesture. I went back to Gryffindor’s tower, replaying our conversation in my head, pretty sadden by it. I just wish I never had to tell him off, I felt awful about it... Will he want nothing to do with me, from now on? And I totally didn’t want him to think that it was because of his lycanthropy... I came back in the dorm, deserted at this hour, and crashed unto my bed, trying to get those sad thoughts out of my head... 


	20. Of Samhain and a List

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A thrilling announcement and a stupid decision

**Chapter 20: Of Samhain and a List**

Three weeks passed at a crazy rhythm. It seemed like I had no time at all outside of school work, as much as I didn’t want this to occur, my work and studies took over my week-ends too. Remus, to my great relief, was acting as if we didn’t talk about our feelings in the hospital wings, and was his usual adorable self with me. Clearly, he was as much as a coward as I was. I had two more dates with Freddy, getting to know him better and enjoying myself very much. Sometimes, he grabbed me after class and we had kissing sessions in empty corridors, or in brooms closets… I was getting used to getting affection from him and I didn’t mind it, at all, even if I still hope one day it would come from someone else… I tried to convince myself that now that the situation was clear between Remus and me, it would change something, but I didn’t believe it that much… Remus surely would not like me and Sirius together, and I don’t blame him… As for now, it was October 4th, Friday night, and I was eating dinner with the group when Dumbledore got up from his chair. 

  * \- Dear students, the teachers and me took the decision to bring back the annual tradition of the Samhain’s ball, who will as of this year take place on Saturday November 2nd. As it was years ago, this ball is for second cycle students only… 




He made a pause, knowing damn too well that there would be protesters. There were indeed loud shouts of disapproval from the first to third year students who just been denied the festivities. 

  * \- Your turn will come too, one day, he said with a smile. As I was saying, years 4 to 7 students only, and the theme is a Masquerade, so you would need to wear a mask. That is all, goodnight to you all! He finished before sitting back. 




I turned to the girls and saw that they looked pretty excited. 

  * \- Okay, let’s return in our dorm, now! Said Marlene, rushing us to finish our meals. 




We went upstairs pretty fast, seeing the excitement that a ball could provoke on common mortals, the girls were giggling and conspiring between themselves, as the boys were mostly not looking that please by the announcement. We entered our dorm and Marlene spoke excitedly. 

  * \- Okay. SO EXCITING! We need to have a plan… Ok, first, we find a date… Oh, no… First, we find matching costumes, a concept of some sort, between us girls! 

  * \- You’re way over the top for this, Lene, I said. 

  * \- You just don’t understand how big this is, Dor! She said back to me. 

  * \- We could wear pest doctor masks? I suggested with a smirk. 

  * \- Really? Is that even a real suggestion? Dorcas, we need to be the best-looking-group-of-girls of the castle! She said. 

  * \- Do we? Why? I frowned at her. 

  * \- Because! Stop being a party-pooper, Dore, or you won’t be part of our group concept, she said, pointing a menacing finger at me. 

  * \- Okay… Okay, I haven’t other ideas… I shrugged. 

  * \- Well, your imagination is certainly limited! Said Marlene. 

  * \- Samhain is the transition between two seasons, right? We could represent the four seasons of the year? Suggested Lily. 

  * \- Oh. That is actually a marvelous idea…! Said Marlene. 

  * \- I agree! commented Mary. 




They turned to me. 

  * \- I guess that’s a good one…! I said. 

  * \- Great! Theme, check! Now, next primordial matter: Dates. You girls think that I should ask Remus? Will he say yes? 




I thought about my conversation from weeks ago with Remus, wondering if he would go with her. But, now that I wasn’t a possibility for him, maybe he would? Except, Marlene still was on the damned out-of-reach’s list. We needed to do something about that stupid list. I exchanged a look with Lily. 

  * \- What? Why was there a weird look exchange between you two? You know something, right? She pressed us, pointing her finger accusingly to us, for the second time tonight in my case. 

  * \- Well… I began… 

  * \- Spill-it-out, now! She said. 

  * \- Heum. Lily made a discovery, a little while ago… I began, throwing her the burden of the explanation, gaining a big scowl from her in return. 

  * \- What was it? Marlene asked, turning to poor Lily. 

  * \- Okay, right. The boys, they kinda have a stupid code between them, Lily began. 

  * \- No surprise there, but what about it? She said. 

  * \- In the code, there’s a “Out-of-reach list”, each boy chose a girl and she’s marked as out-of-reach for the others. 

  * \- Okay, this is stupid, go on? Marlene said, crossing her arms. 

  * \- You’re Sirius out-of-reach’s. 

  * \- WHAT NOW? She exclaimed, turning to me. 

  * \- Well… I began. 

  * \- THOSE STUPID BASTARDS! She shouted. I’m going to rip that stupid list right now! She added, before she left the room. 




Lily looked at me, with a “I told you so” look, making me laugh. 

  * \- Well, I sure as hell don’t want to miss that! Said Mary, following Marlene. 

  * \- She didn’t wait for the entire story, did she? I asked Lily, referring to Remus’ name on the list, as we were following them too. 

  * Nope, she didn’t, she replied. 




We ran to follow her to the boy’s dorm. Arriving at the top, she turned to us. 

  * \- Which one? she asked us, pointing the right and left doors. 




Lily and I pointed the right door to her, and she barged in, not bothering to knock first. 

  * \- What the hell? I heard James said, before we entered after her. 




The boys were hanging out in their beds, as we were minutes ago. There was the marauder’s map spread on Sirius bed, between him and James (I saw Sirius discreetly pointing his wand on it to make the map disappear), and there was Remus and Peter playing cards on Remus’ bed. Marlene walked around them to reach Sirius’ bed. 

  * \- You, she said to him. 

  * \- Yeah? He said, frowning. 

  * \- You scratch my name of this list RIGHT NOW! 

  * \- What are you talking ab… He began. 

  * \- There’s nothing between us... and I don’t want to be your stupid out-of-reach, is that clear? She said menacingly to him, pointing her finger harshly on his chest. 

  * \- Wh… He said, looking at James. 

  * \- About that, James said ashamedly, they might know about the list. 




The three other marauders opened their eyes wide at James. I looked at Remus, who returned the look, blushing more and more, understanding that I knew that my name was wrote next to his on it. 

  * \- How…? Asked Sirius. 

  * \- Lily kinda saw it when she came to visit me the other day… He said. 

  * \- Okay, now that everything is out, please scratch my name of it? Or better idea, why don’t you just throw that stupid list unto the fire? This was clearly a bad idea to begin with, Marlene said. 

  * \- Mckinnon, I wrote your name on it years ago, when I didn’t know who to put on it. I just never thought to erase it because I still don’t know who to put on it… Explained Sirius, looking at me for a split second, just long enough for my heart to skip a beat. 

  * \- So, you’re not in love with me? She stated. 

  * \- I assure you that I’m not, he smiled. 

  * \- Thanks Merlin! She sighed. 

  * \- Well, thanks, Mckinnon! He said, offended. 

  * \- Nothing against you, Black, but you’re not my type. Annnd before you say anything stupid about last summer, she said, it wasn’t serious, so it doesn’t count. Right, then you erase it? 

  * \- Yeah, consider yourself out of it, he shrugged. 

  * \- Right, thanks, she said to him. Now that this is settled, she continued, turning towards Remus, I wanted to ask Remus to come to the ball with me, she said to him, with a seductive smile. 

  * \- You did? Asked a blushing Remus. 




I was unable not to let my eyes wonder over Sirius. Was it just that? Was Lily right, was that damned list responsible for the fact that we were not happening? Sirius’ gaze sustained mine for a short while, before my attention returned to Marlene’s direct invitation to Remus. 

  * \- Of course, I do, idiot. Now, would you come with me, or not? Marlene said, crossing her arms. 

  * \- Euh… Okay? He answered, blushing some more. 

  * \- Right, I’ll be on my way, then, good night, boys, she said. 

  * \- I have a last question, I said, that time not looking at Sirius. Why don’t you just burn this stupid list? I asked them, feeling myself blush. 

  * \- Because, Meadowes, it’s part of our code, not that it’s any of your business, and we have important things in it, we won’t just burn part of it, explained James. 

  * \- Fine then, said Lily, putting herself in front of me. Hey girls, what about a No-Kiss list? We could make that list tonight, I have some ideas who to put on it, she said with an evil smile. 

  * \- Oh pleeeaaase, Evans, you like to kiss me too much for me to take you seriously, James made the very stupid mistake to brag. 

  * \- Come girls, let’s make that list, right now, she replied coolly, before she went out. 




I looked at the boys before I went, and saw that James was already regretting his words. 

  * \- Ah, come on, love, come back, I was joking! He tried to call Lily back, but she was already long gone. 

  * \- Not very clever, I said to James before I left with my roommates. 

  * 


We went back in our dorm and Lily, looking pissed, went to her suitcase and took out two bottles of wine she was keeping for her birthday, a parchment, a feather and her ink pot. She putted the writing material on her bedside table, opened a bottle, take a big swig at it, then looked at us. We were kind of a little frightened, because we knew Lily, and she can get a little crazy sometimes when she was pissed at something, or someone. 

  * \- Lily, I said, not wanting to trigger her (I do know that we need to thread carefully when she’s in one of her tantrum), please tell me that you didn’t say that because of me, I said. 

  * \- I SO did, at first, then I did it to shut this arrogant bastard…! She said, taking another swig and giving me the bottle. 

  * \- Because of you, Dor, what is it about? Mary asked. 




I took a swig at the wine too, before I gave the bottle to Mary. 

  * \- Marlene left before we could tell you that my name is on that damned list too, I explained. 

  * \- Wha….? Where? Marlene asked. 

  * \- She’s Remus’ out-of-reach, Lily finished. 

  * \- WHAT? Marlene shouted. 

  * \- Yeah, I said. 

  * \- Is he... Does he... Fancy you? Marlene asked me with a small voice. 

  * \- I... Don’t know, really... I began. He did kind of told me he was interested in me, weeks ago... But I told him that I... Wasn’t into him? 

  * \- Oh great, so I’m his rebound? She shrugged. 

  * \- I don’t think that... I began. 

  * \- It’s fine, I guess I can work with that... She said, looking resigned. And to think that I was hooking up with Sirius and Remus was wankin’ on you, what a mess! Marlene laughed. 

  * \- Ewww, Marlene?! I said. 

  * \- Life is stupid, she shrugged. 

  * \- So, are we making that list now or what? said Lily. 

  * \- But… Will it prevent me to kiss Remus? Marlene asked. 

  * \- Marlene, be supportive, please? Asked Lily. That list will only exist as long as their list still exist, she said. 

  * \- But… 

  * \- Come on, Lene! Lily was clearly about to throw a fit. 

  * \- Okay, okay, fine!!! Marlene pouted, taking the bottle from Mary. 

  * \- Let’s do this, Lily said, opening the second bottle. 

  * \- Okay, we should do this fast before we empty those two, I said, pointing the wine bottles, because that can go wrong pretty fast. 

  * \- Good idea, okay, she said, taking a sip, giving me the bottle and beginning to write. 

  * \- Oh man, that mean we will have to find other dates for the ball!!! Said Marlene. 

  * \- Not exactly, you just can’t kiss them, Lily replied, Marlene, focus! She said. Okay, the title is done, look! 




##  _ Lily, Marlene, Dorcas and Mary’s No-kiss-list  _

  * \- Okay, looks good, said Mary. 

  * \- Merlin, this will blow on our faces later, said Marlene. 

  * \- Well, this can’t be the case for me and Mary, seeing that we have no intentions to kiss those boys, I bragged. 

  * \- Yeah, right, Dorcas, as if you’re not dying to kiss Black again after the other night, teased Marlene. 

  * \- Right… Well, that wasn’t about to happen anyway, I said, taking another sip at the bottle. 

  * \- Give me that, Lily said, taking a swig of it before continuing the writing. 




##  _We declare, on this day, October fourth, 1977, that those fellas are on our no-kiss list until they destroy their stupid Out-of-reach’s list:_

  * ## _James Potter_

  * ## _Sirius Black_

  * ## _Remus Lupin_

  * ## _Peter Pettigrew_




  * \- Does that cover it? Lily asked. Would somebody wish to add someone else? 

  * \- I think that pretty much sums it up, I said. 

  * \- Great, lets sign this, she said, signing her name under the list. Here, Dor, she said, giving me the feather. 




I sighed, then took it and signed my name too. I turned to Mary and gave her the feather. 

  * \- For me, it’s quite easy, I didn’t intend to kiss one of those in the future anyway, she repeated what I said earlier, smirking, before she signed. Here, Lene, she said, giving the feather to Marlene. 

  * \- Fine, fine, I’ll do it, she said, taking a big sip from the bottle and coming to sign it. 

  * \- Great! It’s done, thanks, girls, Lily said, before taking the list and stick it up on our wall. 

  * \- To the stupidest idea ever! I said, raising my bottle. 

  * \- To the no-kiss-list! Said Lily, knocking her bottle with mine. 




This night, who began weirdly, was finally pretty fun. We stayed in our dorm, Lily being mad at James, we didn’t want to go out to the common room or our special room and risk seeing him. We drank the two bottles pretty fast and were a little tipsy and giggling like stupid silly girls. 

  * \- Okay, how about that, we say fuck all the boys of the school, and we go to the ball just the four of us? Said Mary. 

  * \- Yeah because who needs them??? Shouted a clearly intoxicated Lily. 

  * \- No can do! Marlene exclaimed. I’m going with sexy Remus Lupin. I’ve signed your damned No-kist-list, don’t push it girls!!! 

  * \- Right, right, ok, that means I’ll need to find someone too… And you Dorcas, will you go with Freddy? Mary asked me. 

  * \- Heum… I didn’t think about it, I don’t know, I guess, maybe… 

  * \- It’s been what, a month that you’re “kind of” dating him? Asked Lily. 

  * \- Yeah, I’m seeing him tomorrow, so I guess I’ll ask him, I said. 

  * \- Okay, so, we need to plan which season each of us would do, Marlene said, changing the subject. 

  * \- I would love to be spring, said Lily, I would have blossoming pink and white flowers! 

  * \- Sold, said Marlene. I would like to be winter, because I think that white, silver and blue would look amazing on me. That leave us, summer and fall, she said, looking at me and Mary. 

  * \- You choose, Mary, I don’t mind, I said. 

  * \- I think that fall would look nice on you, said Mary, looking at me. And since bright colors suit me better than you, I guess I would pick bright summer, she added. 

  * \- Perfect! Said Marlene. We would need to get dresses from Diagon Alley, I’ll order a catalogue from Wicked Witch boutique, she added. 




We talked about this for the rest of the night, then went to sleep pretty late. 


	21. Chapter 21: Of Catfight and Agreement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fight with a purpose and a long-due conversation between boys

The next morning, I woke up with a headache, my body telling me that I should’ve cut the wine with water. I got up, took a glass, fill it in the bathroom, and drank it in one shot. After, I went back to bed, opened my bedside table, took a potion from James’ gift, pinch my nose and downed it. The relief, as well as the disgusting taste, didn’t disappoint. The other girls were beginning to wake up too, moaning against their headaches. I gave Lily a potion too, because she had the worst hangover of all of us. We showered and get dressed, as Mary and Marlene wouldn’t leave their beds, and we left for breakfast. As we arrived downstairs, James and Sirius were there, James waiting for Lily as usual. But this morning wasn’t usual, was it? She spotted him, and when he rose to meet her, she looked the other way and got out of the Common Room, even before I arrived at the bottom of the stairs. James turned to me with a frown. 

  * \- Don’t look at me, she’s the one who’s mad, not me, I said to him. 




But, thing is, he was not one to give up easily. He followed me outside with Sirius. 

  *   * \- What the hell happened last night? He asked. 

  * \- First, you said something incredibly stupid, Lily went mad, we opened bottles of wine and made a no-kiss-list. No biggie, I said. 

  * \- But, Lily, she’s still my girlfriend, right? He asked me, sounding a little desperate. 




I stopped and turned to them. 

  * \- James, it’s simple, really, now is not the time to be stubborn. You see, you lot are so full of yourselves, that it will be our pleasure to be completely serious about this. You think you can go and put us on those stupid lists of yours. You think that you’re so freaking irresistible that we could just not help it and throw ourselves at you. Well, I have news for you, we sure as hell can, and we will. 

  * \- But, it was not like that. You don’t understand. It was just made for us guys to have hard limits concerning some girls we don’t want to… share…? 

  * \- This is stupid. We never needed stupid contracts to know some things. Even before you and Red dated, it was clear for all-of-us girls that you were a no-go. 

  * \- You’re pissed your name is on the list, right, Meadowes? Sirius pointed out with a grin. 

  * \- Of course, I am. I don’t want to be on anybody’s stupid list, I said to him. 



  * \- But what does it change, for you? he asked. 

  * \- What does it change? I’m nobody’s property, Sirius Black. I’m not an object that you blokes can choose who’s it belong to, understood? I fiercely replied. 




Wow. I sounded a lot like Lily’s intense feminist cousin, but I was sincere about it, so... 

  *   * \- I can see why that pisses you off, now, Meadowes, James said, scratching his neck. 

  * \- And, on top of this, Remus and I, we talked about it... I don’t even understand why my name’s still on it to begin with... I blushed. 



  * \- You talked with Moony? Asked Sirius to me, looking a little astonished. 

  * \- He didn’t tell you? I asked, surprised. It was weeks ago... 

  * \- Riiiight... Feeling like a third wheel, gotta go, said James, passing between me and Sirius and continuing his way downstairs. 

  * \- What did you two say exactly? He asked me, looking me in the eyes. 

  * \- Well… It wasn’t a very long conversation, but he told me how he felt about me, and I did the same. 



  * \- Meaning? He insisted. 

  * \- Sirius, you’re prying, I said, crossing my arms. 

  * \- I know I am, tell me, he asked, passing a hand through his hair nervously. 

  * \- …Fine… Meaning, I love him, like a very close friend, and nothing more. 

  * \- You turned him down, then, he stated. 



  * \- Why are you interested that much? Was that the reason why you said you should stay away from me? 

  * \- … 

  * \- My time to pry, spit it out, I pressed him. 

  * \- Well, yeah, kind of... But... He began. 

  * \- But it doesn’t change anything, am I right? I finished his sentence for him, sick and tired of this situation. 



  * \- Damn right, it doesn’t… He said, looking at me, but this time, like I wasn’t there. Then, he just left me there and went downstairs pretty fast. 

  * \- Well, bye, have a nice life… jerk! I said to myself, pouting, before I followed far behind. 




I mean, it doesn’t change anything, right? I returned the situation on my head a couple of times. It’s as if Mary would date Sirius, after he told me he’s not interested. That would hurt me pretty bad, even maybe enough to put our friendship through test… Why things can’t just be simple sometimes? I think that maybe, we’re just not meant to be. The point is, to detach myself from him, I should maybe take a little distance. I’m kind of tired of his cocky attitude anyway, I often feel like he’s toying with me to keep my attention or something, and it irritates me a lot. He knows we’re going nowhere, maybe he doesn’t even want to, maybe he just like this kind of sickening situation. As I entered the Great Hall, I was close to downright pissed at Sirius and in extend, at all the marauders. My life was less complicated without them, actually. 

I looked at Ravenclaw’s table and spotted Freddy. Sensing that I was looking at him, I guessed, he looked up at me and smiled seductively in my direction. Taking this as my cue, I went in his direction instead of Gryffindor’s table. He frowned at me, then pushed his friend, Connor Fraser, a tall red head who was always with him, to make space for me to sit at his side. 

  * \- Good morning, Dorcas, he said with a crooked smile. To what do I owe the pleasure? 



  * \- I don’t feel like eating at Gryffindor’s table this morning, you mind? I asked him. 

  * \- Of course, I don’t, he said, kissing my cheek. 




I looked at my usual table, seeing James trying to talk to a pouting Lily, and Sirius was looking at me with a frown. Well, the hell with him, I was tired of this complicated-going-nowhere of a situation. We ate while discussing and laughing, until Lily got up and waved at me to follow her. 

  * \- I need to go, we’re still seeing each other later? I asked Freddy. 

  * \- Yeah, in the Clock tower courtyard at 11, he reminded me. 



  * \- Fine, see you, I said, getting up. 




I joined Lils outside of the Great Hall. 

  * \- So, did you two made up, yet? I asked her, speaking about James. 

  * \- I think he’ll ask the others to throw the list in the fireplace, she winked at me. He said that you had very good arguments that made him question the idea. 

  * \- Well, never too late to stop being a prick, I guess, I spat. 



  * \- You look pissed, she remarked. 

  * \- Do I, now? Stupid Sirius Black. 

  * \- Oh. You’ll need to tell me what he did this time, but later, because we have more important matters to discuss… I have news, you know, about naughty Slytherins… She finished in a whisper. 

  * \- You do? 

  * \- Yeah, as I was entering the Great Hall, I was behind Rosier and Greengrass, and I overheard them talking about a meeting, smelled pretty fishy. 



  * \- Okay. Did you hear where? 

  * \- I heard them mention Astronomy tower tomorrow night at eight. 

  * \- They told this here, where anybody could be listening? What kind of morons are they? I said, astonished by their stupidity. 

  * \- Well, it's Rosier and Greengrass we're talking about. Those two, clearly the result of too much inbreeding, are not what we could call clever ones. 

  * \- ... True... Fine. I need to prepare, then, I said. 



  * \- What do you mean by that? 

  * \- I need to steal hairs from Greengrass. 

  * \- You’re not meaning… 

  * \- Of course, I am. You gave me Polyjuice, this is the perfect opportunity to use it. 

  * \- Dor, this is WAY too risky. 



  * \- You can cover me, right? 

  * \- We cannot plan this alone. 

  * \- Of course, we can. Oh, look, she’s getting up…. 

  * \- Dorcas… 

  * \- She’s coming, hush! Trust me… Okay, now… HOW COULD YOU! I shouted at Lily. 



  * \- What? She replied. 

  * \- Push me on her, hard, right now, I whispered to her. 




Being a clever girl, she pushed me hard against Greengrass, who, of course, was pretty pissed. 

  * \- YOU SCUM! She said, looking at me with madness. 

  * \- MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, I snapped at her, pushing her. 

  * \- DON’T TOUCH ME, FILTHY BITCH, she shouted, pushing me back. 

  * \- OH, REALLY? I replied. 




I seized the occasion and I jumped on her, knocking her off her feet, then I slapped her face and took a fistful of hair and pulled. She griped my hair with one hand and my face with the other, digging her nails in my cheek, causing a burning pain in my face, my eyes watering. Seconds later, McGonagall was pulling me off her briskly by a flick of her wand. 

  * \- I can’t believe it, Miss Meadowes and Miss Greengrass, what are you, salvages? She shouted at us. Detention, Monday night, for the both of you, in my office! She said. Now go, all of you, nothing to see! 




As she said that, I saw that there was a small crowd surrounding us. I turned around fast and headed towards the great staircase. 

  *   * \- You have it? I heard Lily whispering at my side. 

  * \- Yup, I said, putting the hair in my pocket. 

  * \- Well, Meadowes, you’re a tough one, aren’t you? I heard James exclaimed behind our backs. Lily took my wrist to stop me. 

  * 


She came closer to James and Sirius and whispered something to them, then pulled me back to climb the stairs. 

  * \- What did you say to them? I asked her. 

  * \- I told them to meet us in an hour at our GQ, she replied. 

  * \- Why? I said, a little pissed at the idea. 

  * \- Because, Dorcas, I won’t let you risk your neck like this without a solid plan and without back-ups, she explained. 



  * \- We don’t need them, I pouted. 

  * \- We do, and you know it. But before, we need to wash your naughty scratch, she said. 

  * \- Fine… I huffed, following her up. 




As we entered the dorm, the girls were up and talking. They saw me and gaped. 

  * \- Dor? What happened to you? Why are you bleeding??? Asked Marlene. 



  * \- Nothing, I had a small disagreement with Greengrass, I explained. 

  * \- You fought that bitch? Asked Marlene. 

  * \- Not that much, McGonagall caught us fast enough, I grinned. 

  * \- Wow, I sure hope she’s more hurt than you are, then, said Mary. 

  * \- As for me, I regret staying in bed... I can’t believe I’ve missed that...! Said Marlene, shaking her head in disbelief. 



  * \- Here, Dor, sit on your bed I’ll wash the cut, said Lily, coming back from the bathroom with Dittany, and a piece of clean cloth. 




She pressed it against my cheek, it stung a little, but it wasn’t that bad. I looked at myself in the mirror after and there was only a thin red line left on my cheek. The girls went to eat something before breakfast would be gone. As they left, I took Greengrass’ hair from my pocket, with a disgusted expression, and put them in a small pouch, in my suitcase. 

  * \- So, now, would you please tell me why you’re pissed at Sirius? I heard Lily ask in my back. 




I climbed on my bed and began caressing the cat. 

  * \- It’s just, I’m tired of him, Red. He acted like he was very interested to know about the conversation I had with Remus, you know, in the Hospital wing. 



  * \- Oh, THE conversation with Remus. 

  * \- Yeah. I thought, you know, maybe he’s really interested in me or something… But, as soon as I told him what I said to Remus, he just planted me there like a fool, saying that it changes nothing. I’m just tired of him. I’m good with Duncan, even if it’s not serious, it’s so much easier, it doesn’t hurt. 

  * \- Of course, it doesn’t, you’re not in love with him. 

  * \- Maybe, but I like him very much and I love the simplicity of it all. Maybe I’m just not meant to be in a real relationship, you know? Clearly, I suck at this. 

  * \- Clearly, he sucks more than you at this, Sirius, I mean. 



  * \- I just thought, you know, that maybe I should just take my distance, a little, having him in my face every freaking day is so annoying. 

  * \- That might be difficult. 

  * \- Less is better than nothing, I guess. 

  * \- I guess… She said pensively. 

  * \- So, you agree to not involve him and James in our plan? I asked with hope. 



  * \- Absolutely not, and speaking of it, time to go, hon, she said, while getting up and pulling me. 




I complained all the way to the GQ with Lily not listening to me and pulling me forward. The boys were already there waiting for us when we entered. 

  * \- Hi girls, said James with a big seductive smile. 




Without answering, I crossed my arms and went to sit on the armchair opposite to their couch, pouting. 

  * \- You don’t look thrilled to see us, said Sirius with a smirk. 



  * \- How observant of you, I said. 

  * \- She didn’t want to come, said Lily, I had to literally drag her here. 

  * \- Is it possible to not see you every minute? I groaned. 

  * \- You would miss us, James laughed at me. 

  * \- Shut up, it wasn’t my choice, Lily’s the one who decided to involve you in that matter, I still think that we don’t need you, I said, still pouting. 



  * \- Involve us in what matter exactly? Asked Sirius. 

  * \- I overheard information about the Slytherins, and Dorcas here had a plan, completely crazy and reckless, and I thought that we would need backups. 

  * \- Ok, you got our attention, Lily-flower, explain all of it to us, said James. 

  * \- I’ve heard Greengrass and Rosier saying that there would be an important meeting tomorrow night, at height in the Astronomy tower. 

  * \- Okay… James commented. 



  * \- Then, Dorcas had an idea… She said, looking at me. 

  * \- Lily gave me some potions for my birthday, like Polyjuice, for instance… I said. 

  * \- Something I already regret, she said, rolling her eyes. 

  * \- Okay, so you want to take the place of someone. Asked Sirius, getting to the edge of the couch and looking intently at me. 

  * \- Yeah, of course, I wanted to switch place with Greengrass. 



  * \- That’s why you fought with her, isn’t it??? Asked James. 

  * \- Exactly, I have some of her hair, I grinned. 

  * \- Aren’t you a badass one, commented Sirius, clearly impressed. 

  * \- So, the plan is simple, I said, we jinx her, hide her, and I take her place at the meeting. 

  * \- Pretty simple, nothing at all could go wrong!!! Said Lily. 



  * \- Everything can go wrong, you were right to fill us in, said James, putting his hand on Lily’s, clearly trying to get back in her good grace. 

  * \- You worry for nothing, I’m able to defend myself, if need be, I said proudly. 

  * \- Of course, but you will be in the middle of a meeting full of future death eaters, that may be dangerous, and you need to realise that! Said Lily. 

  * \- Fine, fine! You guys can do something to reassure Lily? I said. 

  * \- Of course, I could hide under my cloak and follow you, staying in the background, said James. 



  * \- And what about me? Asked Sirius, eager. 

  * \- Well, mate, there’s no place for the two of us under the cloak, you and Lily could stay at a distance as back-ups if something was to go wrong. 

  * \- And how would we know you two needs us? Lily asked. 

  * \- I’ll figure something out, maybe bring our mist, Pads? 

  * \- Oh, good idea. 



  * \- We made a magic mist, it grows very fast, if I drop it in the stairs, it will cover most of the floor in minutes, for you to know something is not right, and for us to sneak out of there safely. 

  * \- Is that okay for you, Lils? I asked her. 

  * \- I told you involving them was a good idea, right? She said, smiling at me. 

  * \- They’re creative, I give you that, but I persist, I would have been perfectly fine improvising. 

  * \- Dor, you need to understand the danger, here. I love you and you know that, but your career would end fast if you don’t learn to do things less alone and recklessly… 




I stubbornly stayed silent. I know that already, my parents often lectured me with the same speech on many many occasions. I know that I’m reckless sometimes and impulsive, and the fact that I take decisions on the spot and act fast, it mostly results with me working alone. I am maybe too impatient to wait for back-ups... My parents often told me that it was not just dangerous, but that this kind of attitude could also cost me my place with the aurors… 

  * \- Well then, what’s the plan for Greengrass, Meadowes? Asked Sirius, taking me out of my thoughts. 

  * \- Heum… We need to think about a way to knock her out, then we need to follow her after dinner, knock her down, hide her, we get to the Clock Tower courtyard before 8, I drink the potion, I wait for them, I join them, I listened to them, Potter hide close by, you and Lils somewhere nearby, and voila. 



  * \- We could wait for Greengrass under the cloak, use the body-bind spell on her, blindfold her, tied her hands, hide her and do the rest, then after we go back to her and say the counter spell, said James. 

  * \- Or not, I said snidely. 

  * \- Are you sure that the sorting hat putted you in the right place? asked James with a smile. 

  * \- Hey, I’m the lesser evil here, if you compare me to Greengrass! She’s a nasty one…! I was just suggesting, but you have the right to disagree, I said, smirking. 

  * \- I like your style, said Sirius, smiling at me. 



  * \- Of course, you would say that, said James, rolling his eyes. 

  * \- What time is it? I asked them, remembering about Freddy. 

  * \- It’s five past eleven, said James. 

  * \- Crap, need to go, I was supposed to meet Freddy at eleven… I said, getting up promptly. We meet again after dinner? I asked them, as

  * I was getting to the door, not letting them the time to answer as I was leaving the room. 

  * 


I hurried in my dorm to fetch my coat, before I practically ran to the Clock tower courtyard. Freddy was sitting on a bench on the right side, as I arrived to him a little out-of-breath. 

  * \- Sorry I’m late, I excused myself. 

  * \- Oh, it’s okay, don’t worry, he said, getting up to meet me. 




He took my hand to pull me closer and kissed me gently. That was nice, warm, easy… All the contrary of Sirius and me, passionate, stubborn, and a roller-coaster of emotions, well, in my case… Why am I wasting time during a perfect moment with Freddy to think about Sirius, again? I shook him out of my head and focused back on Freddy. I hugged him tightly, taking part of his warmth doing so. He was frowning worriedly at me, his hand on the cut on my cheek. 

  * \- The rumors were true, then, you fought with Greengrass? I heard shouting, but I wasn’t sure it was really you… 

  * \- Yeah… We had a disagreement. 



  * \- On what matter? 

  * \- Oh, actually, I bumped her accidentally, she began calling me names, and like an idiot I reacted… 

  * \- Oh. Well, she’s not what we can call a nice person. But, be careful, her and the people close to her, they’re sneaky. I stopped them harassing a first year the other day. 

  * \- I know, I will… 




He nodded, then took my hand and we walked across the suspended bridge. 

  * \- So, are you girls excited about the ball? He asked me with a grin. 

  * \- Marlene definitely is, I said, smiling. 

  * \- And you’re not? I thought this was generally highly appreciated by girls? 

  * \- Well, the party is kind of appalling, but I’m not that excited about dressing up and all. 

  * \- I can accompany you, if you want me to, that would be a pleasure for me, to see you in a dress, even if you’re not excited about it. 




He was looking at me with a seductive smirk and I felt the warmth on my cheeks. 

  * \- Okay then, let’s do this together, I smiled. 

  * \- Well, that is settled, then, he said. 

  * \- Things are so simple with you, I commented. 

  * \- Why would things be complicated? 



  * \- I don’t know, with other people, it looks like nothing can be simple. 

  * \- Love complicate everything, doesn’t it? He grinned at me. 

  * \- Who said I was talking about love? 

  * \- No need to say it, he winked at me. 

  * \- Is that why you don’t really date? Love being complicated, I mean? 

  * 


He took my hand and pulled me to him, looked at me in the eyes, then caressed my cheek. 

  * \- That is exactly why. 

  * \- If you don’t want to share, it’s fine… 

  * \- I don’t mind, I like you very much, Dorcas, we’ve become good friends, didn’t we? I think that when you or I will end this, we’ll stay friends, don’t you think? 




He pulled me closer and kissed me. 

  * \- This is all so new to me, to kiss my friends like this, I blushed, when he stopped the kissing. 

  * \- Yet, you wouldn’t want more, because you’re in love with someone else, he stated. 

  * \- What? How… I began, confused. 

  * \- I have eyes, you know, I see the way you look at him. 




He didn’t say the name, but I knew that he was referring to him, nonetheless. I let go of his hand and turned my back to him, feeling ashamed. I walked to the railing of the bridge and laid my elbows on it, my eyes fixed on the horizon. 

  * \- It doesn’t matter, it cannot happen. One of his best friends is in love with me and he doesn’t want to betray him this way… I can’t blame him for that, can I? I confided in him, surprised by the way I opened up to him. 




He came closer to me and looked at me with a mix of warmth and sadness. 

  * \- You and me, we’re so alike… He said sadly. 

  * \- Why is that? 




He opened up to me too. His best friend, Connor, has been dating Leah Velvet for two years now. Leah grew up in the same neighborhood as Freddy, they spent their childhood together. Freddy realised he was deeply in love with her when she began to date Connor. He would never do something to break them up, and so, he’s casually dating since then, not able to be with her, but no able to get her out of his head too. A real dead-end. 

  * \- But you know, maybe there’s hope for you, since you don’t have to break up a happy couple, you know? He said, elbowing me with a smirk. 

  * \- Yeah, breaking up a gigantic bromance is way better, I huffed. 

  * \- We’re making quite the pair, aren’t we? He said, putting his arm on my shoulders. 

  * \- We are, I whispered, leaning unto him. 




We talked some more, then left to go to lunch in the Great Hall, parting towards our respective house’s tables. I sat between Lily and Remus, in front of James, Sirius and Peter. Marlene and Mary where nowhere to be seen, surely still recovering from their hangover. 

  *   * \- You, strong and independent women, should look at that, said James mockingly to Lily and me. 




He took a piece of paper from his robes and levitated it in the air with his wand. We saw that it was the Out-of-reach’s list. He cast an incendio on it, it caught up in fire and disintegrated within seconds, before the professors got the chance to reprimand us about the fire. 

  * \- So? Happy? James asked us. 

  * 


Lily stood up and left. 

  * \- What? I thought she would be happy? He said, confused. 



  * \- Wait, she’s just changing table’s side… I said, looking at her coming back on James’ side of the table. 




Arriving at him, she pushed away Sirius, took his place next to James, and kissed him pretty intensely, making me look elsewhere in awkwardness. 

  * \- Well, you missed me, then, he asked her with a smirk. 

  * \- Shut up, she said, smiling, taking back her plate from the place she was next to me. 

  * \- Don’t push it, James, the making of the No-kiss-list was pretty fun, I don’t mind doing it again sometimes, I winked at him. 



  * \- Perfect, then, next time, be sure to put Duncan on it, then you’ll really know how painful it can be, he winked back at me. 

  * \- It’s true that you didn’t suffer from it, Dor, you were kissing Freddy while I was deprived of my boyfriend, Lily said, smirking. 




I turned to looked at Freddy, laughing with Connor. I noticed Leah next to the tall red head. She was very pretty, she was petite, with long wavy dirty blond hair and bright, sparkling blue eyes. I could see why Freddy was in love with her, she radiates joy and warmth. 

  *   * \- Dor? Still with us? I heard Lily asking me. 

  * \- Oh, yeah, sorry, I said, turning back to them. 




As I was leaving the Great hall, with Lily, followed closely by the marauders, I spotted Freddy in front of the stairs. When he saw me, he came my way, as he arrived in front of me, making me stop on my track, he whispered in my ear. 

  * \- Let me help you, love… 




Then he kissed me pretty intensely, in front of everyone. Shortly after, he released me, winked at me, and left me stunned. As I was coming back to reality, by a smirking Lily pulling me forward, I saw that Sirius was already nearly out of sight, climbing the stairs pretty fast. 

  * \- Well, Meadowes, would you put him on the no-kiss-list? Asked James, winking, as we made our way upstairs. 




As I was beginning to walk without help, Lily released me and took James’ hand, walking in front of me. I sensed someone at my left, and saw that it was Remus, Peter was in front of us. I felt bad for him, because of Freddy’s public display, clearly for Sirius… 

  * \- Heum… I’m… Sorry for that, Remus, I wouldn’t have… I began awkwardly. 

  * 


He looked at me with his sad smile. 

  * \- It’s fine. You don’t owe me anything, Dorcas. 

  * \- I know, but…. 

  * \- It’s fine, let’s stop talking about it, okay? 



  * \- Okay, I whispered. 

  * \- You guys want to hang out in our GQ for a while? James turned his head to ask us. 

  * \- Heum, yeah, sure, I replied. 

  * \- I need to go to our dorm first, I’ll meet you there, said Remus. 




*** 

_Sirius_

I arrived in the dorm, banged the door and abruptly leaned against it, trying to calm down my anger. My head, refusing to cooperate, replayed the scene of Duncan making out with Meadowes in my face. Without further thinking, I took off my wand and pointed it on a lamp, smashing it. I thought about the numerous times I used this as a therapy when I was still living with my family… I pointed my wand at a chair, and it broke, too. I repeated it on many things and furniture’s for a while, until I just sat on my bed, thinking about what I’ve done. 

I dropped my wand on the floor and covered my face with both hands, thinking how lame I was being right now. I trashed my dorm, the place with the happiest memories I’ve had in my entire life… And for what reason? For a girl. I’ve never, ever, cared about one like this. This is stupid, unnecessary, grotesque, unwanted… Girls have never been a problem for me, until now. They were attracted to me, and they were a welcome distraction, mostly before I moved out of home to live with the Potters. I needed to forget about my dreadful family, by pranking with the marauders, by playing Quidditch, and by hooking up with girls. It never went anywhere, I’ve never committed in a real relationship, I’ve tried it once or twice, but it lasted not more than a week before I got bored. I clearly was using them for a distraction, but I wasn’t an asshole about it, not being a player or else, I’m not the one to brag about them and they were warned that I wasn't looking for a girlfriend. These hook ups were less frequent since I moved out of my family’s home. The Potters treated me like I was part of the family and I felt like I had a real family for the first time in my life, so I was less in need of loopholes. 

Why was it different with Meadowes? I thought I just wanted her, like any other good-looking girl. But, thing is, I had “a thing” for her for years now. I tried refraining it, by respect for Moony, who fancied her too. And I thought, what is one girl when I can have all the others? Thing is, I don't want nobody else. Especially since she came to live with us at James’, I don’t know, something clicked. I always liked her, the way she was, brilliant and sharped-tongued, able to challenge me… I don’t like weak people much and she’s a strong one. But even when she was being weak, like when she got sick or when she broke down after the murder of that muggle family, even that didn’t turn me off… It’s like I always need to be near her... Maybe the fact that I can’t have her make me want her more, drove me mad about her. I thought, maybe if I could just snog her or something, that would take her out of my skin… But since truth or dare during her birthday party, I realised that I just want her even more. I never experienced jealousy before today, that made me rage inside. I was raging against bloody stupid Duncan as well as at myself to be this lame. 

  * \- Pads? What the heck happened? I heard Remus say, pulling me out of my head. 




I rose my head to look at him, feeling incredibly stupid. He took off his wand and repaired everything I broke in a minute, before he came to sit next to me. 

  * \- I didn't realise you liked her that much... He said. I always kind of knew that you liked her... But, this is serious, isn't it? 




I stayed stubbornly shut, too ashamed to even try to defend myself. 

  * \- You love her, don’t you? He asked me. 



  * \- I don’t love her, don’t get ahead of yourself, pal, I replied. 

  * \- Sirius, last time you destroyed your bedroom this way was your farewell to your family, you would not to this here, of all places, if you were not very very pissed about something. And Meadowes and Duncan making out in our face is quite a good reason for you to be. 

  * \- This is the stupidest reason ever to be pissed, I lamely admitted. 

  * \- It is not. At the risk of sounding incredibly cheesy, I’m happy to know that you can open up to a girl this way. I never thought you would. 

  * \- Funny you should say that, because I never understood why you never let McKinnon in. 



  * \- You know why. Apparently, we have the same taste in girls, he replied, grimacing. 

  * \- I know. It’s stupid, and I’m not involved with her, I would never do that to you. 

  * \- Yeah, and we see how well it goes... He said, referring, I guess, to the mess I made minutes ago. 

  * \- I’ll manage. This isn’t your problem. 

  * \- Sirius, mate, believe me, I’m not at all happy with this. I’m actually quite pissed at you, because I know that you belong with her. I could punch you in the face right now. 



  * \- Then do it, please, I’d rather that than this calm attitude you have, it makes me even more disgusted with myself... I groaned. 

  * \- You know that’s not me. 

  * \- Well, except in your wolf’s form, then you can be very violent! I tried to joke. 

  * \- I know I’ll regret this conversation, because I could have been a jerk and tell you that I wouldn’t be your friend anymore if you would make a move on her. But, I won’t. And you know why? 

  * \- Enlighten me... I rolled my eyes at him. 



  * \- Because, that choice isn’t mine, nor is it yours. It’s Dorcas’. She isn’t my property. If one day she would choose to be with you, it’s her choice, not mine, and not yours. And yes, it will pain me if it happens. Like, ask yourself how the idea of her with me would sound to you? 

  * \- A living nightmare, mate. That’s why I cannot... 

  * \- Sirius, I love you, mate, but if she wanted to be with me, I would be with her, even if I know that would hurt you. Thing is, she isn’t interested. So, don’t tell me that you weren’t considering going behind my back if she would be willing. 

  * \- … I hate that you’re so freaking clever sometimes. 

  * \- That, THAT would piss me off big time. You know how much I hate deceptions... I rather you do right in front of me than this... 



  * \- I don’t want to hurt you, Moony, I sighed. 

  * \- It’s a dead end, then, because I hate to see you unhappy like this. After all you’ve been through... 

  * \- Yeah, coming from the guy who got bitten as a child and cursed once a month to transform into a freaking werewolf... I smirked at him. 

  * \- Well, at least my mother loved me, he replied. 

  * \- Ow, that hurts, thanks, mate! I laughed. At least, I was loaded! 



  * \- Might have been poor, but at least I don’t have bat shit crazy Bellatrix as a cousin! 

  * \- Good one, I give you that...! I laughed. I think that we can agree that both our lives sucks, can we? I added. 

  * \- Pretty much. I guess I’ll die alone, he smirked. 

  * \- Oh, going there, eh? Trying to make me feel even worse? I mean, it’s not like one of the hottest chicks of the school is swooning over you! I winked at him. 

  * \- You’re pushing it, I’m just some sort of a challenge for her, Remus said. 



  * \- Nope. One night, when we were hooking up... 

  * \- I never understood why you got together, actually? He asked. 

  * \- I was trying to kick someone out of my head, I sighed. Thing is, I wasn’t the only one. McKinnon told me one night, when she was drunk, that she just wanted to get your attention. 

  * \- By hooking up with you? 

  * \- Don’t ask me, I know nothing about girls’ twisted logic, mate! But, I said that was stupid, that you wouldn’t bite. And she cried, pal. Literally. 



  * \- You said she was intoxicated, he shrugged. 

  * \- Yeah, no, I know, but she was very desperate to get your attention. I told her that messing around with me or with anyone, really, would not at all help her. She threw me out of her bedroom and told me to never come back. I must admit, on my way back I realised that I was as stupid as she was. That we both were spending time together for all the bad reasons. She’s a nice girl, Moony. And I must add, a very good shag... 

  * \- Oh shut it! Remus said, throwing a pillow at my face. I guess... I don’t know, I’ll... Try to notice her more? That sounded shallow as hell. I just... Never really got to know her. 

  * \- She’s great. Who knows, you could be a good match, I said. 

  * \- You just want me to be with Marlene to feel less guilty to chase Dorcas, Remus said to me, but smirking. 



  * \- That is exactly what I’m doing, actually, I laughed. 

  * \- Well, I need to try something else, anyway, so why not? Remus grinned. 

  * \- That’s my wolfy, I laughed, annoyingly messing his hair with my hand. 

  * \- Stop it, Pads, I WILL JINX YOU!!! Remus shouted, taking his wand from the bed. 

  * \- You would never, you love me too much, I smirked. 



  * \- So, you don’t remember that one time when I made you giggle like a stupid young idiotic girl in front of that group of hot girls? He said, crossing his arms. 

  * \- Oh, that was low, you bastard! I replied, remembering how stupid I looked that day because of him. 

  * \- Don’t taunt me, then, he winked. 

  * \- So... We’re good, mate? I asked him. 

  * \- We are, he replied, kicking one of his leg. 



  * \- OW!!!! What was that for? 

  * \- It’s an advance for flirting with Dorcas in my face, he said, kicking my other leg even harder. 

  * \- OWWWW!!!! Stop it you madman! I exclaimed. 

  * \- That one’s a warning, you take care of her, you bloody bastard! He laughed. 

  * \- Okay, I’m out, I’m not staying here with an insane werewolf! I said, getting up. 



  * \- The others are in our GQ, go on, I’ll join you later, he said, getting up too. 




I was at the door, when I turned back to him. 

\- Moony? I asked him, as he was looking for something in a drawer. 

\- Yes? 

\- Thanks, mate, I managed to say. 

\- Don’t mention it, he winked at me, before he got back to his search, and I left the dorm. 


	22. Of Unforgivable and Brothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A spying session and trouble amongst siblings

I was nearly late for dinner, since I’ve spent the last hour stuck in a stupid essay about the multiple applications of the Protego spell. I thought about how I successfully used that spell facing death eaters in that alleyway months ago… I have to say that I think the theory was more complex and boring than the actual use of the spell... But mainly, the heart of the problem was more my lack of focus than the difficulty of the assignment. My thoughts were elsewhere. The after-lunch scene was kind of bothering me. I understand the purpose Freddy had, he wanted to help me with Sirius, make him jealous or something. Thing is, I couldn’t refrain myself from being bothered that Remus saw us… And even more, and I know, not long ago I was pissed at him, but I still wonder if he left that quickly because Freddy’s stunt worked. Did it work? The fact that he left wasn’t saying anything, really. Why would he wait for me, he have a life... And even if he was indeed jealous, there’s still the Remus problem and it still won’t go nowhere, so why bother? I gave my barely blank stupid essay a nasty look, then put it back in my bag and exited the library. 

I arrived in the Great Hall, turning my head towards Ravenclaw’s table to see if Freddy was there, and indeed he was, laughing with Connor and taking a sip from his cup, he saw me and smiled at me. I returned the greetings before I walked to Gryffindor's table and my friends. As I took place next to Lily, I was a little oblivious to the conversation going on with them, serving myself and beginning eating, still a little unfocused. 

  * \- Where were you, Dor? I heard Lily asking. 

  * \- Hm? I managed to say, with a mouthful. 

  * \- You’re late for dinner. 

  * \- I was trying to write my D.A.D.A’s essay, I replied, after achieving to swallow my bite. 

  * \- How did it go? Asked Remus, mine is going nowhere. 



  * \- I got completely stuck not far after the title, I groaned. 

  * \- Really? I finished mine yesterday, said Lily. 

  * \- Great, you’ll help us, then, I winked at her. 

  * \- I don’t have to. It’s an easy subject, really. You, of all people, should be good with this, she winked at me. 

  * \- That’s the problem, I LOVE D.A.D.A in practice, I hate to write about it with every details and whys and hows, I complained. 



  * \- Okay, bored to death by that conversation, said Marlene, you guys want to hang out tonight? 

  * \- I can’t, I have plans tonight, I said. 

  * \- Cancel them, Marlene replied. 

  * \- I Can’t. 

  * \- What are you doing tonight exactly? She asked, not dropping it. 



  * \- Hm. I... 




I didn’t know what to say to cover up the truth about my secret planning with Lils, James and Sirius.

  * \- Don’t look at me, said James as I eyed him for help, Remus and Pete already know. 

  * \- Know what? Asked Marlene. Are you keeping something from me? She said, with an accusatory finger pointed at me. 

  * \- Arf… Why don’t you and Mary join us tonight at our GQ, clearly everybody’s in it already… I said, kicking James under the table. 



  * \- OW! The more, the better, Meadowes! You can’t expect us to lie to Remus and Pete, they can help us. 

  * \- I certainly can help you too!!! Said Marlene, insulted. I don’t know to do what yet, but I can! She added. 




I was a little pissed at James for telling everyone about our plan. I didn’t want to lie to my friends, just not unnecessarily involve everyone in this… I finished my meal and got up at the same time as Marlene. As I was walking in direction of the Entrance Hall, I saw that Freddy was waiting for me next to the stairs. 

\- So, he asked me as I arrived in front of him, did it work? 

I guessed that he was referring to yesterday’s intense snogging in front of my friends. 

\- Heum. I don’t think so, actually, but nice try! I grinned. 

\- I didn’t have to try that hard, it’s not like it was unpleasant, kissing you, I mean, he said, winking at me. 

He looked over my shoulder and smirked. 

\- Are you sure it didn’t work? He does look like he’s about to jinx me... 

I turned around to see Lily, James and Sirius coming our way. James had his arm around Lily’s shoulders and was kissing her cheek. Sirius was indeed looking at us with a deep frown. I turned to Freddy. 

\- Go with them, see you, he said, still smirking. 

He took my hand and kissed it gently, before I nodded and left, to follow my friends who just past by us. I accelerated to walk beside Sirius and nudged him playfully. He looked at me, still frowning a little, then his face relaxed and he smirked at me. 

\- So, you’re not mad at me anymore? He asked me. 

\- I guess not, I shrugged. 

\- Your mood swings are strange, he nudged me. 

\- Look who’s talking, Mister Mood Swings in person, I nudged him back. 

\- Fair enough, he smirked. 

\- So, we’re two weirdos, then? I asked him, grinning. 

Before he could reply, James let go of Lily and came next to his best friend, clapping him in the back. 

\- FINALLY, you two admit you’re both weirdos. But very endearing ones, I must concede, he added. 

\- Okay, so, now, you’re implying that you’re not as much a weirdo as we are? I asked James, as Lily was taking my arm to walk with me. 

\- That’s exactly what I am implying, Meadowes, you’re catching up pretty fast, I must say, he grinned at me. 

\- Let’s be clear, the less weird here is Evans, and she’s not completely sane too, laughed Sirius. 

\- Well, thanks, I guess? Was it intended as a compliment? She grinned at Sirius. 

\- Well depends, I like my people weird, Sirius smirked at her. 

\- She’s actually dating James Potter, her choice for a boyfriend is kinda weird...! I teased James. 

\- Hey! James objected. 

\- I have to give you that one, Meadowes, all right, Evans, you’re welcome in the weirdos’ club, Sirius smiled at her. 

\- Once again, not sure if I must be happy by that or not, Lily laughed. 

We continued to mess around until we reached our GQ. Marlene and Mary were the first to have arrived, as they continued their way when I stopped to talk with Freddy. 

  * \- So, hon, you snogged him right? She said, while coming to seat herself next to me. 

  * \- Who? I asked, a little confused for a second. 

  * \- Freddy, who else? You snog someone else, these days? She said, smirking to me. 

  * \- Oh. No. To both questions, I answered, before I plopped on the couch next to her. 

  * \- A shame, really, I miss a good old snog, she sighed dramatically. 



  * \- Then, I don’t know, snog someone? I suggested. 




At that moment, the door opened on Remus and Peter. I nudged Charlene. 

  * \- Speaking of the devil, I whispered in her ear. 

  * \- Hm-mm, she agreed. 

  * \- Now, that everybody’s here, care to fill us in on what’s happening? Asked Mary, looking at me. 



  * \- Right. I said, then explained to them what was the situation. 

  * \- Oh! Okay, wow, to think that we nearly missed an occasion for payback for what those imbeciles did to me last year… said Mary with resentment. 




It’s true that Mary had all the reasons to be mad at Mulciber and his gang after they attacked her last year. It was like they were testing black magic spells or something, and what better target than a muggle-born girl for that? They make me feel nauseous. 

  * \- So, how will you lot do this? Asked Marlene. 

  * \- We thought that we could hit Greengrass in the back, then put a sleepmask on her eyes for her not to see us. Then, I would drink polyjuice and take her place. 



  * \- You thought about what to wear? Since it’s the week-end? Marlene pointed. 

  * \- I didn’t… What is she usually wearing on week-ends? I asked. 

  * \- An old-pure-blood family legacy like Greengrass? Rich snobbish fabrics, like silk, satin or the like, commented Sirius. 

  * \- Oh. I don’t have that in stock, I said. 

  * \- I’m pretty sure I have what it takes, said Marlene. I have a black satin blouse, we’ll manage. 



  * \- Oh, good, then… I said. 

  * \- You see? You needed us! She proudly said. And Mary will lend you a bra, because Greengrass have bigger boobs than you have. 

  * \- Well, thanks for your honesty, I said, while the others were clearly laughing at me. 

  * \- You’re welcome, you’ll thank me, tomorrow, when your breasts won’t explode your bra. 

  * \- Okay okay, I get it, I pouted, while crossing my arms around my apparently tiny breasts. 




We planned every details of tomorrow evening, going to bed well passed midnight. After a lot of disagreement, Marlene, Mary, Remus and Peter finally admitted that they should stay out of it while it would happen, too much people might just ruin everything by raising suspicions. We also thought that maybe taking a little sip of Felix Felicis couldn’t hurt me. 

*** 

I was taking a sip of Felix Felicis in our GQ, surrounded by my friends looking at me without a word. 

  * \- So? Asked Lily, feeling any different? 

  * \- I don’t know? How is this suppose to feel? I asked her back. 



  * \- No clue...! Answered Lily. In the books, they say that it feels like you just know what to do or what to say to be successful... 




As I was to add something, I got inspired all of a sudden. As if I've just realised that our initial plan wasn't gonna work. 

  * \- Okay, change of plan, y'all. Sirius, you’re the one coming with me to catch Greengrass, Lily you’re going with James as back-ups. James, give Sirius your cloak, I instructed them. 

  * \- What? James asked. That’s not what we’ve planned…? 

  * \- I know. But this will work, I said. You both lurking in the corridors at night won’t arouse suspicion, since you’re head boy and head girl. Are you coming or what? I asked Sirius. 



  * \- Euhm. Yeah, sure, he said, taking the cloak that a clearly confused James was giving him. 

  * \- Right, then, you lot go hang out up there in about an hour, see you! I said, as I was taking Sirius’ arm and pulling him outside. 

  * \- If you wanted to be alone with me that much, you could have just say so, he said as we got out in the corridor. 

  * \- If I knew you were gonna say stupidities, I would have considered not listening to my instincts and take James with, as planned, I said. 

  * \- Your instincts or Felix’s? He grinned at me. 

  * 


I winked at him, before I went down the stairs. 

  * \- So, I need to see professor Rosewood, I told him as we were going down. 

  * \- What? You want to see her now? He asked me, looking at me like I was insane. 

  * \- Yeah! It won’t take long, I smiled at him. 

  * \- Okay, then… He frowned at me. 




Maybe that’s why I brought him with. He’s not the kind of person to follow a plan that much. He’s more the disruptive type, and I think that nothing will indeed go as planned, finally… Lily will be mad at me, after all the planning we did yesterday. But I was pretty sure that the new plan will go way smoothly. 

As we turned the corner towards Rosewood’s class, I saw that Greengrass was getting out of it, walking the other way. The corridor was empty. This was so perfect. Without saying anything, Sirius walked past me, raised his arm and silently casted the body-binding spell on her. Hm. Silent casting. Maybe that was the reason I needed him instead of James. She fell headfirst on the ground. Sirius turned to me, putting his finger in front of his lips, telling me to not say a word. He took the sleep mask he had in his robes, went Greengrass’ way and put it over her eyes, as I was keeping watch of the corridor. There was a broom closet just a meter away from us, luckily (or Felix Felicisly? I do know that expression doesn’t exist...), we pushed her in it, and we put a gluing spell on the door in case someone would try opening it (unlikely, but we never know). We high-fived proudly, then, we went back on our tracks. As I was passing Rosewood’s class, Sirius looked at me. 

  * \- You didn’t want to see Rosewood? He asked. 

  * \- Oh, no. Not anymore, I shrugged. 

  * \- Okay… You’re weird, he said. 



  * \- Am I? It worked, didn’t it? I shrugged. 

  * \- I must concede, it did indeed, he admitted. Now what? 

  * \- Now we go to the seventh floor. 

  * \- So, we aren’t at all following the plan, he commented. 

  * \- Nope. Does it bother you? I asked him. 



  * \- You know me, I don’t usually follow plans to begin with, so I would say not at all, he shrugged. 

  * \- I thought so. I’ll change there, it’s nearer to the meeting spot, it will be better, I explained. 




As we arrived on seventh floor, I turned right on the first small corridor and entered an old dusty classroom that clearly haven’t been used for years. 

  * \- Okay, turn around, while I’m changing clothes, I said. 

  * 


He turned his back on me, and I took the clothes Marlene lend to me out of the bag. It was weird to put on a bra way to big for my tiny chest. Then, I put on the black satin blouse, with a dark purple cigarette skirt, black tights and high-heeled black boots pretty uncomfortable, but totally Greengrass’ style. 

  * \- Okay, I have clothes on, you can turn back, I told him. 

  * \- Hm. A shame, he said, while looking at my outfit. 

  * \- What is? That I’m dressed or that I’m wearing these? I said, pointing my unusual choice of clothes. 

  * \- Both, he smirked. But, even if that’s not your style, it kinda fits you well... 

  * \- Hm, thanks? I said, a little awkward. 




I shrugged and went to sit on a desk, after magically removing the dust on it. 

  * \- How long do we have to wait? He asked, seating himself on the desk facing mine, without bothering to clean it first. 

  * \- Not that long, maybe half an hour, I said, looking at the broken clock on the wall, raising my wand to it and casting reparo on it. 




\- There was a minute of silence between us, but I knew that wouldn’t last long. My gut was telling me that he was about to ask me something important. And indeed, not long after that thought crossed my mind, he did. 

  * \- So, still going out with Freddy? He asked me casually, while scratching his neck, a sign that maybe he was falsely casual... 



  * \- Yeah...? I replied. 

  * \- And... How it’s going? 

  * \- I would say pretty g... I began. 

  * \- Why are you with him? He asked, cutting me off. 




I was about to sassily reply “Why shouldn’t I?”, but something told me that it was important to cut the crap and tell him the truth, for once. So, I inspired deeply, then raised my eyes to meet his’ and answered honestly. 

  * \- Because I couldn’t be with you, I said with a small voice. 




His eyes went wide in response to my unexpected honesty. 

  * \- Why would you think that? He asked, with a deeper voice than before. 

  * \- You know, first, because of Remus, and then... I don’t even know if you would be interested in me... I said, not knowing how I was able to look him in the eyes, without flushing or without trying to look elsewhere, as I would normally do... 




He stayed silent for a second. 

  * \- Are you really gonna say nothing? I asked him impudently. 




He looked like he was coming back from his paralysed position and his absolutely perfect crooked smile slowly appeared. 

  * \- Well... First, it’s kind of settled with Remus. 

  * \- How so? I asked him, not sure I understood correctly. 

  * \- … Long story short, he told me that it wasn’t his decision or mine, who you would be with. 



  * \- So... You asked him about... Me ? I tentatively said, full of hope. 

  * \- Of course, I did, Meadowes. In case you were completely blind, I’m totally into you, he said, his eyes fixed on me. 




I was about to answer that, or just jump on him, really, as I was feeling like my heart would burst from my chest... But something told me that this would have to wait. 

  * \- Crap... I murmured. 

  * \- What? He asked me. 



  * \- Wait a sec... I said, before I reluctantly jumped from the desk, looking for my bag, on the floor. 




I searched it, then found what I was looking for, aka, my Polyjuice’s vial and I popped the cap. 

  * \- This will have to be concluded later, I said, pointing me, then him, definitely taking a rain check on that, I finished, drinking the disgusting mixture. 

  * \- But, wasn’t we supposed to wait another 10 minutes or so? He asked with a frown. 




I raised my finger to tell him to wait, before I began feeling very weird. It didn’t hurt bad, more like a faint ache as my body was changing into Greengrass’. Just as the transformation was over, I heard footsteps coming our way. I looked at Sirius, who was hearing it too, I took the invisibility cloak, which was on a nearby chair and threw it at Sirius. 

  * \- Quick, hide under the cloak, I pressed him, as I was kicking my backpack under the pile of chairs behind me. I turned back to face the door as it was opening. 

  * \- Monika? I heard the boy say, as he was entering the classroom. 

  * \- It’s me, I answered him. 




I heard a faint curse behind me, as the boy was closing the door behind him. As he was coming closer to me, I saw that it was Regulus, Sirius’ younger brother, and I understood his curse. Those two weren’t in the best of terms lately, to say the least. They were in no terms at all, actually, now that I think about it, they were just acting like they didn’t know each other’s. He took me by surprise as he came very close and kissed me fervently. I took a step back in surprise. 

  * \- What is it, Mon? He asked me, looking unsure about my reaction. 




The proximity, the familiar nickname, all pointed to some kind of relationship between them. I needed to thread pretty carefully, if I didn’t want to risk blowing my cover already. 

  * \- Nothing, I just stumbled, I said. 




Thinking hard about Sirius, silently looking at us, and surely pretty pissed at the sight of his brother kissing me (even if I was looking like Greengrass at the moment), especially after what he revealed to me minutes ago... I took Regulus’ shoulder and bring him closer, knowing that it was what I should do for everything to go well. I apologies to Sirius in my head, even if that was stupid to do so, he wouldn’t hear it, and putted my lips on Regulus’. After a couple of excruciatingly long minutes, he finally released me with a content sigh. 

  * \- So, why did you want us to meet here? It isn’t our usual meeting spot, he smirked, as he seated himself on the desk. 




Meeting spot? So this relationship wasn’t public, for now, at least. Was she using him for some reason? Or she could actually like him, but be ashamed of it because he was a year younger? This was all so confusing. But, as I looked at him, I knew what to say, and I knew why, and it pained me pretty much... Because I understood that my first theory was the good one, my instinct was telling me this pretty loudly in my head. Think quick, Dorcas, I guess she wanted to bring him to the meeting for some obscure reason. 

  * \- Today’s your lucky day, Reg, you’ve been chosen, I said. 

  * \- What? By Him, you mean? He said, tensing up from the excitement. 

  * \- No, of course, no, not by the Dark Lord, silly, we’re still too young, but you’ll see, he knows about our group and our actions, he will for sure make place for us with the Death eaters, afterwards, I said, not sure I was telling the right thing as I was improvising. 




But, I mustn’t be far from the truth, though. We knew that those were for most Death eater’s sons and daughters, and we knew nearly for sure that Voldemort didn’t take Hogwarts’ students in, he recruits them afterwards... So, I would say that this theory was more than reliable. Anyway, Regulus bit, and looked like it was Christmas, as his eyes were big with delights and hope. Poor Sirius, I don’t know what the worse was for him, me kissing his brother, of the confirmation that Regulus was a lost cause... 

  * \- Let’s go, then, I said, it’s in the Clockwork courtyard, be silent, we don’t want anyone to follow... I told him, gesturing for him to lead the way. 

  * 


Impersonating someone such as Greengrass wasn’t easy, her personality and mine were completely opposed. Yes, I have a temper, sometimes, but I’m generally a benevolent person and not a rigid dictating and heartless bitch like her. As he was opening the door and looking outside to make sure the way was clear, I sensed Sirius at my side. I looked at him without actually seeing him (obviously) and I made a contrite face in his direction, wishing hard that he was not pissed at me for my actions... Not knowing how he reacted was bothering me and made me feel anxious. Was he okay with it? I have to say that I was kind of ready to go far to spy on Slytherins... I just hoped that he was focused on the results and not on the methods... Especially after the things he said to me just before... 

We made our way to the courtyard in silence, not wanting to attract anyone’s attention near to the curfew. As we were going to open the door to go outside, we came across James and Lily, clearly pretending to be on Prefect’s duty. As Regulus was opening the door for me, I winked subtly at them, for them to know that all was going fine for now. We went outside, while I was making sure to let Sirius pass in front of me before I went myself. 

There was a small crowd of Slytherins occupying the right corner of the courtyard. From here, I saw only their shadows, for it was getting dark outside at this late hour of the evening. As I got closer, I recognized most of them without surprise. Augustus Mulciber, Gustav Goyle, Severus Snape, Corban Yaxley and Walden Macnair, as the boys of the group, then, in addition to Greengrass, there was also Natalys Travers and Virginia Rowle. The only surprise for me was that there were not only 7th year’s students, as Black, Yaxley and Travers were a year younger. 

  * \- You’re here, Monika, great, we can begin, said Rowle, raising her wand and casting a silencio around our group. 




I nodded silently to her, staying on my guard, not knowing what would be said or done. 

  * \- We gathered here, because our group would need new members, as we finish school this year, and will hopefully join the ranks after. We selected you, because we know you’re interested, and, of course, because of your lineage. 




I restrained myself VERY HARD not to snigger in disdain, and I’m pretty sure Sirius, even though he’s part of the “big 28”, the supposed elite of pure-blood families of the wizarding world, was biting his tongue pretty hard too. Those were a royal bunch of retards and it irritated me so much. But as right now I was one of them, I shut it, for once, something I found quite difficult to manage. 

  * \- There are two things that you lot need to know. First, that you have to prepare yourself and show us, before you show the Dark lord, that you deserve this place and that you have the guts to take it. This here is not for children, nor is it for the faint-hearted. We need to see if you have what it takes. Don’t be fools and think that you three are the only pretenders. You’re not. We’ll test you, and only those who deserved it will join us in the end. Understood? Virginia finished her speech, looking to them menacingly. 

  * 


The “pretenders” agreed by vigorous nodding. 

  * \- Right. Then who’s ready to start the testing? She asked. 



  * \- I am! Said Regulus next to me, taking a step forward. 




I was wishing pretty hard that those imbeciles would not do something stupid that would trigger Sirius. 

  * \- Regulus Black, let’s see if you’re worthy enough to be one of us, Monika, you brought him here, you can do the honor! Virginia told me with a smirk. 




It took me a second to remember that I was supposed to be Monika. Then I froze, what the hell were she expecting me to do to the poor boy? Clearly, those people were testing black magic, they were certainly not practicing harmless spells... I prayed that she wasn’t asking me to hurt him. 

  * \- Well, Monika? Usually you’re eager to demonstrate, what are you waiting for? She asked me, frowning. 



  * \- Maybe she doesn’t want to because of their intimate relationship, sniggered Severus Snape. 

  * \- What crazy tale are you trying to spread, Severus? Said Yaxley, clearly not happy by Snape’s insinuations. 

  * \- The one where you were bloody blind, replied Snape with a dead-serious glance at Yaxley. 




It took me a second to understand the reason why Black and Greengrass were keeping it a secret. Because she was clearly cheating on Yaxley. I looked at him and saw that he was eyeing me with uncertainty, waiting for my defense against the accusations. I reacted quickly. 

  * \- Severus, I know it hurt you that I turned you down so many times, I improvised, with a fake smirk towards him. But this is no reason to make up stories to try to break us up, I added, moving from where I was to get closer to Yaxley. 




I shivered from disgust as I sensed his arm circling my waist. 

  * \- What lies are you trying to... Began Snape, talking to me, his face growing red from anger. 

  * \- You’re hitting on my girlfriend? Asked Yaxley menacingly to Snape. 




Wow, that was easy. But, clearly she didn’t chose Yaxley for his brain... This boy was as thick as a brick. 

  * \- I’m certainly not! Snape defended himself. 



  * \- Merlin, would you all calm the hell down, I’ll do it, dammit! I heard Macnair saying at my right. 




Macnair was one of the more vicious within the Slytherins. One of those I feared in Quidditch, always aiming to hurt us, clearly getting a kick out of it... We all stopped arguing at once and looked at him as he was raising his wand at Regulus Black... 

  * \- C _rucio_! He said with a maniacal rictus. 




Before my bewildered eyes, I saw Regulus Black falling hard on his back, convulsing and screaming, under the effect of the Unforgivable curse. Virginia, reacting immediately to his screaming, casted a silencio on him. 

  * \- FUCK NO! I heard Sirius behind me, as I was still paralysed with dread. 




I shook my head, just in time to saw Sirius’ hand becoming visible and he silent casted on Macnair, who got disarmed. Regulus stopped convulsing and there was a big mess, as the people were searching where the spell came from. Then, multiple things happened at once. First, I saw something looking like a little gray rock being thrown on the ground in the middle of all of us. That rock, as it was coming in contact with the ground near Regulus inert body, made a small explosion. A second later, a fog started to swallow us all. Just as I was wondering where to go, as I was blinded from the fog, I sensed a hand pulling me and I followed, hoping that it was Sirius. 

  * \- Hold on to me, my moron of a brother fainted, I heard Sirius whisper to me, the sound of his voice making me sight in relief. 




Releasing his hand, I trailed my hand along his arm and hold on to his shoulder, to let both his hands free to carry his brother. We stumbled for a while in the thick fog, and I was wondering if he knew the direction towards the door or if he was as confused and disoriented as I was. Not knowing how he managed it, we arrived at the stairs leading to the entrance of the castle. As we went up the stairs the door opened, clearly James and Lily got the fog signal, and they pulled us inside, closing the door fast to keep the fog outside. It was really great to be able to see something again, I thought, as I looked at our friends, with their concerned looks. 

  * \- Pads? What happened? Said James. 

  * \- Not here, help me carrying him, James, Sirius answered. 




We hurried, as James was helping Sirius with Regulus. I took the lead and guided them to the class where we were earlier. Wanting to get some privacy, and, at the same time, to hide from the others who would clearly be on their way in this corridor as soon as the fog would dissipate, or as soon as they would manage to locate the door. After everyone got in, I closed and locked the door after me, then casted a _silencio_ on it. I took my backpack and put it closer to the boys for it to be used as a headrest for Regulus, who was still passed out. They put him down gently on it. 

  * \- So, what the heck happened? Asked James. 

  * \- Those bastards used the _cruciatus curse_ on him, said Sirius. 

  * \- WHAT? Shouted a horrified Lily. 

  * \- It was kind of a stupid initiation thing, this meeting, I added. 




As I finished my sentence, we heard Regulus move. He opened his eyes, looked around him, and seeing who was there, he got up promptly. 

  * \- Sirius? What am I... ? He began, confused. 

  * \- You got the cruciatus curse, by your stupid wannabe-death-eaters' friends, said Sirius. 




Regulus, not answering him, turned to me with incomprehension. 

  * \- Mon? What are you doing here, with them? He asked me with disbelief. 




As I was to answer him, I sensed the potion’s effect going away, my hair and body coming slowly to my usual self. 

  * \- What is this? He said, taking a step back, his wide opened eyes fixed on me. 

  * \- Calm down, Regulus, I said, but he was not listening. 

  * \- You lot tricked us??? You spied on us or what??? And you!!! He said, pointing his brother with a mad expression. As usual, you’re the one to ruin everything, aren’t you???? He shouted at Sirius. 

  * \- Ruin??? I ruined what??? Me preventing you to get tortured is ruining your bloody plans of becoming a psychopath????? Sirius replied with disbelief. 



  * \- You don’t get it, as usual!!! Answered Regulus. 

  * \- Of course, I BLOODY DON’T GET WHY YOU IDOLIZED SOMEONE WHOM ONLY GOAL IS TO MURDER PEOPLE!!!! YOU STUPID FOOL!!!! Screamed Sirius. 

  * \- WELL THEN, NEXT TIME DON’T BOTHER, IT WILL SAVE US BOTH THE DISPLEASURE!!! Regulus screamed before he got out, slamming the door shut. 




We were all flabbergasted, looking at the door, not understanding how quickly this turned bad. 

  * \- Euhm... Should we, I don’t know, go after him or something? Asked Lily. 



  * \- You heard him? Don’t bother! Said a clearly still mad Sirius. 

  * \- Mate, calm down, don’t take this on Lily, began James, going Sirius’ way and slapping him amicably in the back. 




Sirius shrugged, looked at us with a deep frown, then got out of the classroom too, slamming the door like Regulus did just before. 

  *   * \- Well, take what I said just seconds before and press “repeat”, sighed Lily. 

  * \- Press repeat? Said James. 



  * \- Never mind, muggle expression. I mean, should we go after him? She explained. 

  * \- Oh. I don’t know, actually, he seemed in a foul mood, sometimes he need time to brood alone, especially when his family’s involved... Said James. And we still need to hear all of it, to free Greengrass and to join the others in our GQ... He added. 

  * \- Well, here’s what happened, I began... 





	23. Of Rejection and Day-off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A harsh rejection and a well-deserved day-off from drama

Okay, so... All in all, that went pretty well, considering? Commented Lily. 

\- Ye-ah… I’m pretty sure that the Felix Felicis helped a lot, though. There was a pretty good amount of luck in all of this, certainly… I replied. 

\- I guess, it must be wearing out, though, at this hour, because you only drank a small amount... Lily said. 

\- I wanted to keep some for another time… I explained. 

\- Like, for our next Quidditch match? James suggested, grinning. 

\- It’s illegal, James, and you know it… Lily told him, but with a smile. 

\- I know, I know… He answered. Well, we should go join the others, right? 

\- Maybe Sirius will be there? I asked him. 

\- I don’t think so. Knowing him like I do, I would say that he’s brooding somewhere alone. And also, that for now it may be better to leave him be… He answered me. 

But, as we were going in direction of our GQ, I couldn’t stop thinking about Sirius, I wanted to make sure he was okay. I also remembered that the map was still in my bag and that I would be able to locate him fast. As we arrived near our destination, I had reached a decision. 

\- Guys? Why don’t you go join the others while I free Greengrass? After that, I think I’ll call it a night, if you don’t mind. I’m exhausted, I said. 

Well, technically, it wasn’t entirely a lie, I was exhausted for real, but I still wanted to be there for Sirius before I go to bed. 

\- Sure, hon, it was a though night, wasn’t it? Said Lily. 

\- It was, see you soon, Red, night’ James, I said, as I was turning on my heels. 

I went down to where we locked Greengrass with a fast pace. As I was facing the door behind which she was hidden, I took James’ cloak from my bag. I put it on, then casted Alohomora on the door, and it clicked opened gently. I pointed Greengrass with my wand and murmured Finite Incantatem on her, then left pretty quickly, before she would have a chance to follow me (even if I was hide by the cloak). Then, when I decided that I was far away from her wrath, aka, corridors and stairs separating us, I searched my bag for the marauder’s map. I found it and unfolded it, pointing my wand on it. 

\- _I solemny swear that I am up to no good_ … I whispered. 

I took me a while to locate him, since I had no idea where to look in the first place. I finally found him in a classroom on fifth floor. I closed the map and went up the stairs, still with the cloak on, since the curfew was on at this point, I needed to be careful on my way there… As I arrived in front of the door, I stopped to think a little. Was it a good idea? James did warn me that it was better to leave him be… But I couldn’t find it in me to turn around and leave. After making sure no-one was near, I took off the cloak and put it back in my bag. He was there to comfort me when I was a mess, after what happened with Mary’s neighbors… And he looked very upset… My hand was on the doorknob even before my brain decided to go in. I turned it and entered. The room was dark, the only light was the moonlight gleaming through a window, like a spotlight directly on Sirius, who was sat on a desk, raising his head to look in my direction. His eyes were dark and his expression pretty serious, and his hands were clearly gripping the desk pretty strongly. His wand was next to him on the desk… 

\- Sirius…? Tell me if you would rather be alone… I told him, unsure of myself, standing just in front of the door and hesitating to move forward. 

His crooked smile went slowly back on his beautiful face as he was jumping off from his sitting position on the desk. 

\- No, actually your presence here is much appreciated… He said, coming my way. 

I froze a little, not knowing what he meant by that. He was closing in on me pretty fast. As he arrived in front on me, he rested his hands on my hips, diffusing an agreeable warmth all over my body. He then started to gently push me towards the closed door. 

\- What are you doing? I asked. 

\- What do you think I’m doing? He said, as my back knocked gently on the door and he got closer to me. 

\- I wanted to see if you were okay, to talk… I said, keeping my cool even if I wanted this very badly. 

He was upset, and this was too fast, seeing that I didn’t end things with Freddy… Hell, I was kissing him earlier today, don’t I need a buffer period or something? I’m new at all this… 

\- And me, I don’t feel like talking, I feel like I want a good distraction, he added in a lower tone of voice. 

\- I… Sirius, in case you forgot, I’m still with Freddy, I can’t… Not before I end things with him… 

\- Bloody hell, are you thinking I’m asking you out? I’m just asking for a snog, he said, letting go of me and stepping back, looking annoyed. 

\- I… What? I thought… 

\- You thought what? He asked me, harshly. 

\- Earlier, you said… 

\- That I was unto you, not that I wanted a girlfriend? But, maybe after snogging my little brother, you want some more? Then go after him, he’s in the dungeons! 

\- … Wow. You’re an asshole… I managed to say, as stunned by his harsh words as I was. 

\- You just realised that? I thought you were clever? He said, with a hideous rictus, mocking me. 

Before I could think it through, my hand was burning, after coming in contact with his left cheek. His eyes grew a little mad and I just flee the room, running back in direction of the great staircase. I entered a bathroom on my way up, my hands shaking from the shock. I looked the booths, making sure that I was alone in here. Then, I looked at myself in the mirror over the sink and the sight was miserable. I was shaking, with tears running down my face from the rage, the incomprehension, the sadness, the broken heart… I knew that he had mood swings, that he could be hot-tempered, but… I can deal with anger and fights, not with downright wickedness… He was clearly aiming to hurt me, and that was just cruel… 

I didn’t know if it was me that was stupid, or if it was him that just was an asshole? Or maybe both? I just didn’t understand what just happened. Right, he was pissed at his brother, but the way he acted with me, like I was nothing more than… An object? And, it was fine by me at first, I’m not saying that I didn’t want proximity with him… But, I just cannot do that before ending things with Freddy first. It’s not because it’s casual that we don’t owe each other’s respect. Remembering saying this gave me a big blow right in the feels. What he said after… That he wants nothing serious with me… What am I to him? Another one of these girls with whom he just hooks up and then toss away? I always thought that I would not be this, for him. I always thought that I prefer nothing than this… I thought that I was more than this, for him. Clearly, I’ve been naïve. Or overconfident. I was no better than the others it seemed. He got me thinking that it wasn’t this. Or did he? Maybe I’m just a foolish teenager blinded by love. I just didn’t want to see reality… I felt like I would burst in tears, like incontrollable ones. I don’t want the others to see me like this. I needed to make it stop, for the moment, at least… I inspired with a shaky breath and took my wand, that I had put next to the sink. 

\- _Volo ut nullo_ , I recited, focusing hard. 

I felt the stinging all over my body, as if needles were poking me incessantly, sign that the spell worked. I remembered my mom warning me about how stupid it was to use it for a heartbreak, but I just wanted to be able to go to bed without seeing anyone, or more, without anyone seeing me in this state. As the physical pain increased, I sensed the one squeezing my guts painfully slowly going away. After some time, I guess something around five minutes, I reached the state I wanted, my emotions were off, I was feeling nothing, except a dull ache, somewhat the way you physically feel the day after a particularly intense Quidditch practice when you didn’t train for a while… I put the cloak back on before I left the bathroom, taking it off only when I was facing the fat lady portrait, before entering the Common room. As I entered, I was instantly relieved that no one of my friends were there, and I went directly upstairs to my dorm. The girls were in bed, chatting, when I arrived. 

\- Oh, Hey, Dore, I thought you would already be in bed? Asked Lily. 

\- How is he? Asked Marlene, with a malicious smile, clearly referring to Sirius, I guess James and Lily explained tonight’s situation to them. 

\- He’s fine, I shrugged, before taking off my clothes. 

\- That’s it? You’re not giving us any details at all? Marlene insisted. 

\- Because there’s nothing else to say, he’s fine, that’s all of it, I said, as I was putting my pajamas on and going to the bathroom to brush my teeth. 

I guess she understood that I didn’t want to talk about it, because she dropped it, and they were chit-chatting as I came back from the bathroom. I went directly to bed and not long after, my roommates did the same. I managed to sleep, still under the spell, and I woke up wondering what I will do about this. I needed to turn it back on, but I didn’t want the girls to see me like this. Especially Lene and Mary. Lily, I didn’t mind that much… I decided to pretend that I was sick, to get myself together today. So, as the girls were getting up, I stayed in bed, and I faked a pretty intense headache doubled with fever, for them to understand that I would not leave bed this morning. After they took their bags and left for breakfast before class, I got up and sat on my bed, wand in hand. I had to prepare myself mentally. This would be overwhelming. Even if my emotions were gone, my rationality was there, measuring how hard it would be. Wanting to get as much time as possible to regain mental sanity, I braced myself and recited the counter spell. 

\- _Volo sentient_ … 

I focused hard, taking profound inspirations and long expirations, trying to calm the growing shaking, as I already felt tears coming down. I was feeling a great pain, and sadness, and most of all, angriness. I was pissed at him. Very pissed. And even more so, I was immensely pissed at myself. To have think that it was possible. He and I. That he could be more than the douche bag I thought he was. But I was right, wasn’t I? He just wanted to add me to the list. He just played me. The only reason it took him this long was his respect and friendship for Remus. Not for me. He clearly has none for me. I burst in sobs, all those negative feelings having to get out all at once, overwhelming, like a tsunami engulfing an entire city. I went back to bed, burying myself under the blankets. 

\- Dore? I heard a voice say, muffled by the blankets covering my head. 

I risked a glance and saw that it was Lily. 

\- What? I said hoarsely. 

\- I ate fast, because I remembered that I have pain killer pills that I could give you, to help you feel better. 

\- I’m fine, no need, I said, not understanding what she was talking about, surely a muggle medication… 

\- It is muggle medication, she confirmed to me, pills that make the pain go away for hours. You need them, I tell you, she insisted. 

\- I said I’m fine! I said a little harshly, just wanting her to go away. 

She turned to me, frowning, then came closer. 

\- Okay, what’s going on, Dorcas? She asked, standing next to my bed, with a suspicious look. 

That girl knows me too damn well. Usually, that was something I like. But right now, it was annoying the crap out of me. 

\- Lily, you’ll be late for class, just leave me be, I said. 

She didn’t listen to me, as I knew she would, she began to try to pull the blanket out from me instead. 

\- Let go! I said, my voice breaking with sobs I was unable to contain. 

Ashamed, I let go of the blanket and covered my face with my hands. 

\- Dore? What happened? She asked, worry clear in her voice, as she sat next to me and began to stroke my arm. 

Resigned, I sat next to her, still sobbing a little, unable to talk for the moment. 

\- Okay, I’m clearly ditching class, she said. 

\- Don’t, I’ll be fine, I said, with a very annoyingly acute voice, because of the sobbing. 

\- Try and stop me, she said, menacing me to. Now, please, tell me what happened, I’m very worried. Is it about Sirius? She asked. 

I nodded, then made a pretty inelegant sniffing sound, and she conjured up tissues to me, I used it making an awfully noisy and disgusting sound while at it. 

\- Who else... I began. As you guessed it, I went to look for him, making sure that he was okay. And it went pretty bad. But first, I should tell you what happened before I turned into Greengrass… 

\- What happened? 

\- We kind of admitted to one another that we… were interested? I told him I was with Freddy because I couldn’t be with him? And he told me that he settled things with Remus and that he was interested too… 

\- Wow, really? That’s nice, is it not? She asked, frowning, clearly confused. 

\- It was. Then, as you know, I kissed his brother in his face, I groaned, the displeasure of it still pretty recent in my mind. 

\- Well… Yeah, but… It’s not like you wanted to or planned to… 

\- I know, but still… I did it, nonetheless. Litterally seconds after he told me that he was unto me... It felt like betrayal of sorts... Awful... I must’ve been pissed, or disgusted... But still... That doesn’t excuse everything... 

\- What happened next? She pressed me. 

\- I went to check on him. At first, he looked like he was happy to see me, but he wasn’t like… I don’t know, he was clearly thinking about… I think he just wanted a distraction… Like, a comforting snog or hook-up? And…. Not that I didn’t want to… I mean, I do… But I felt that maybe the timing was bad. I told him that since I was still with Freddy, technically, I would have to end things with him first, you know, before anything could happen, even if, you know, I was not… I’m not the type of girl to… You know. I haven’t any experience… 

\- Nothing wrong with your reaction, hon. Go on? She encouraged me. 

\- So… After I kind of turned him down, from this path, I mean… He mocked me. As if I was stupid to think that we would have any kind of relationship. Like all he wanted from me was… That? And no more? I ashamedly admitted. 

\- You can’t be serious??!!! She said, clearly beginning to be pissed at him too. 

\- I’m pretty sure that’s what he meant, and the best part was when he told me to go find his little brother to get some more from him… As if I intended to kiss Regulus Black, really? It was just part of that stupid infiltration mission... 

\- THE ASSHOLE! She yelled. 

\- Precisely what I told him. And I slapped him. 

\- GOOD THING! She shouted. 

\- Then ran away like a coward. And here I am... Thing is, I’m very pissed, like you can imagine. But mostly... It hurts, so bad... I said, beginning to sob again, to my great displeasure. 

\- Oh, hon... If the asshole shows himself in front of me today, I’m gonna… 

\- What do you mean? You didn’t saw him? I asked, unable to not care at all about his whereabouts. 

\- No. James said he was a no-show since last night, she said, frowning. 

\- Hm, I said, trying to convince myself that I didn’t give a damn. 

\- James said that sometimes, when he’s… Upset, he transforms in his Animagus form and go in the forest for a while… She explained. 

\- Well, he can get lost for all I care… I pouted. 

I was trying hard to refrain the little worrying that I was already feeling because I didn’t know if he was okay. This is stupid. I shouldn’t care, I don’t want to care… 

\- So… You’re not really sick, right? She asked me. 

\- Nope, just feeling like crap, I shrugged. 

\- Soooo… What are we doing? She asked me. 

\- What do you mean? 

\- It’s your day, I want to be there for you and to cheer you up, so, what do we do? She asked me again. 

\- You do know that we'll get a detention for our unjustified absence from class, right? I asked her. 

\- Yeah. I guess. Let’s make it worth it, then? She winked at me. 

\- Riiiiight. Let me take my veritaserum, because clearly, you're someone else impersonating my best friend...! I frowned. 

\- Go ahead, if you wish to lose precious veritaserum on me, hon, she grinned. 

\- You're really serious? I mean, you’re head girl and all... 

\- Yeah, and remember who head boy is? Clearly, it’s not a guarantee against mischief! She laughed. I am serious, silly. You're sad and I want to spend time with you, end of story. You in or not? 

\- Really? We could take the passageway to Hogsmeade and just… Disapparate anywhere? 

\- Let’s be as crazy as you want to be, Dore. 

\- You know, Red, you dating James Potter does have its advantages... All right, I’m taking a shower really quick and we go! I stood up, all excited now. 

As the hot water was pouring down on me, I was thinking about the infinite possibilities of what today could be. I knew that my excitation was an escape from my pain towards Sirius, but I didn’t care, it was indeed making me feel better. I thought about what we could do. My first idea was obviously the beach we visited with the boys. Problem is, if we were to come back with sand in our hair and with a tan, it wasn’t really subtle. The movie was better, and I enjoyed it very much last time. And I guess we could go shopping, we needed to find dresses for the ball anyway, didn’t we? 

\- So? What will it be? She asked me as I was returning in the bedroom. 

\- Shopping and a movie? I suggested. 

\- Oh, I like your style! So, you’re saying you want to do a muggle day-off? 

\- Yeah, I think that’s what I need. 

\- Perfect then, let’s go? 

\- Wait, I still have the map, I’ll make sure we don’t get caught on our way to the passageway… 

I opened the map and saw that everyone was mostly in class, others in the library, or, in our roommate’s case, near the Forbidden Forest, doing their extra-curricular chores for Care of magical creatures’ class. I couldn’t prevent myself from looking in Potions’ class to see if he was there… He wasn’t. James was sitting all alone at our table, probably wondering what was going on… I closed the map and put in in my backpack. 

\- Fine, the way is clear, let’s go! I said, having seen Filch on the grounds far away from where we were heading. 

As we got out of the Three broomsticks without anybody noticing, we disapparated immediately, heading first to Gringott’s, where we would convert some galleons into muggle money. Then, Lily took me side-along apparating and we arrived in a parking lot facing a huge brick-walled building. 

\- Where are we? I asked her. 

\- Welcome to the shopping center! She said enthusiastically. 

Intrigued, I followed her in the building. It was all we needed (and even doesn’t need) in one place. Clothing boutiques, restaurants, cinema, and more, under the same roof. We found perfect gowns for our group theme, aka the seasons. I found a very beautiful maroon dress, perfect for the ball. The straps were off-the-shoulders, and the gown was tight from bust to waist, then it was a fluffy cascade until it reached the floor. I would magically add loads of colored autumn leaves on it and it would look great. Lily chose a very cute egg-shell colored gown, strapless and empire waist, also floor-length, she will add blossoming flowers magically on it. After the shopping, we sat at a place with multiple tiny restaurants where we ate what Lily called comforting muggle junk food, and it was very tasty, and greasy enough. Then, we went to watch a romantic-comedy in the movie theater, what I thought afterwards was maybe not the best of ideas, the main character was reminding me of Sirius, someone I’d manage pretty well to kick out from my brain for hours now. After the movie, we disapparated back to Hogsmeade, then we went back to the castle. We were laughing together about a stupid situation from the movie as we entered the Great Hall, when we got stopped dead in our track by a furious looking professor McGonagall. 

\- You two look well enough, how is it then that you weren’t in Potion class this morning? She asked us sternly. 

\- Hm. We. I mean, I… I lamely tried. 

\- I guess I don’t even want to know. You’ll be in detention tomorrow night, with professor Hooch, she needs help cleaning the Quidditch field. At four thirty. Don’t be late. Oh, and you can pass on the good news to Mr. Black, when he would reappear too, she finished, clearly pissed at us, before she went to the professors’ table. 

\- Or, we could say nothing to him, and he could go to hell? I said harshly to myself. 

\- And get McGonagall even more pissed at us? Countered Lily. 

\- Hm. I don’t know what would be more bearable, McGonagall in fury or spending detention with him. 

As I said Fury, I remembered the nickname he gave me and the necklace I was feeling in my neck. Without taking the time to think about it, I made the decision to get rid of it. 

\- Hm, I forgot, I said, taking the necklace off, can you please get rid of this for me? I asked her, placing it in her hand. 

She said nothing, looking over my shoulder with her eyes wide opened, he expression frozen. Not understanding, I turned around and here he was, standing near me, looking at Lily’s hand. He was clearly not his usual self. His hair were dishevelled, his shirt wasn’t rightly buttoned and so, was a little crooked, and he got a scratch on his left cheekbone. Also, clearly, he didn’t sleep well, if he slept at all, he got dark circles under his beautiful grey eyes. He said nothing, just passed us and went to sit next to James. I regretted my act a little, only a little, as I remembered how harsh he was with me yesterday… Without a word, Lily and I followed him at our spot next to our friends. 

\- WHERE WERE YOU? Asked James, looking at Lily, Sirius and me. I was worried sick! And I looked pretty stupid, all alone at our table in Potions class, he added. 

\- Well, that’s nothing out of the ordinary, you looking stupid, right? I tentatively joked. 

\- Nope, Meadowes, you won’t get out of this with a lame joke, he menaced me with his fork. Explain yourselves, now, he demanded. 

\- We just took a day off, don’t make a big deal out of this, said Lily, his hand on James’ arm, gently but firmly, indicating for him to shut it, I guessed. 

He looked at her, about to say something more, but when their eyes met, he understood and didn’t, for the moment. I knew damn well that the interrogation was just being postponed. He then turned to Sirius, who was eating with appetite, and before he could ask anything, Sirius gave him a death stare meaning shut up, and with a big exasperated sigh, James dropped it and finished his plate in silence, shaking his head in disbelief. I turned to our roommates and we silently agreed that the discussion would happen as soon as we would be alone in our dorm. We all ate in silence and awkward requests such as ''can you give me the salt, please’’. 

\- Oh, Sirius, I almost forgot, Lily began. 

He raised his eyes from his meal to look at her, dubious. 

\- You got detention with Hooch like us, tomorrow at four thirty, Quidditch field, she mentioned. 

Sirius looked briefly at me, for something like a fraction of second, then nodded and focused back on his plate. I pushed my plate, hating the vibe of the group at the moment, and got up to go back upstairs. The girls all decided to join, clearly not liking it more than I do. As we were getting out of the Great Hall, Marlene spoke up. 

\- What on Merlin’s beard happened? Never had a more awkward dinner since I’m in Hogwarts!? 

\- Not here, Lene, we’ll tell you when we’ll be in our dorm… Said Lily. 

\- Fine, then let’s hurry, she said, accelerating. 

As I was closing the dorm’s door behind me, ten minutes later, Marlene exploded. 

\- SO???? Can somebody explain??? 

\- Do you tell them, or I do, asked gently Lily to me. 

\- It’s fine, I can do it, I said. Well, yesterday, I didn’t tell you that… I had a very bad encounter with Sirius. 

As I explained to them what happened, they got gradually pissed at Sirius for his behavior. 

\- LET’S GO CONFRONT THE ASSHOLE! Shouted Marlene. 

\- Calm down, Marlene, I said. First, I don’t need you to get involved in this, I just want to forget about it, really, and second, did you look at him? He looked like an Inferius already. I think he doesn’t need your wrath on top of that. 

\- Please don’t pity the prick! She scolded me. 

\- I don’t, I don’t, I said, trying to stay as pissed at him as I was before I saw in which miserable state he was. 

I do know that I wasn’t the reason for his bad state, though. I’m not stupid. He mocked me in a way that made me think that I couldn’t possibly have any influence whatsoever on him. But last night was hard on him I guessed, because of Regulus... 

*** 

Remus 

As we got in our dorm, James, aka patience incarnate, immediately jumped on Sirius’ case. 

\- Where the heck were you, mate? You look like trash! He said, ever so delicate. 

\- You know damn well where I was. Yesterday was a shitty night, all right? I needed to blow off some steam. I transformed and ran for a while, Sirius answered. 

\- Regulus got you upset that bad? James insisted. 

\- Well… Yeah. In fact,… He began, then looked briefly my way, and didn’t finish his sentence. 

I was right, then, it was not about his brother, or not just about him. It was about her, the tension between them at dinner was so dense I could have cut through it with my butter knife… 

\- I don’t understand, Pads, your brother didn’t get to you this way since… James began. 

\- Don’t be thick, James, it’s about Dorcas, isn’t it, Sirius? I said, a little pissed at him already, even if I don’t know yet what happened. He better not has hurt her in any way. 

He raised his eyes at me again, but kept quiet, clearly not wanting to talk about it. 

\- Is it true? Pads? What happened? Oh. I guess maybe I know. I did tell her not to go looking for you. But how did she find you…? Damn it. She had the map! Said James, facepalming. 

\- What the hell are you talking about, James, I said, exasperated to not follow. 

\- After the Regulus’ debacle yesterday, we were on our way to meet you guys in our room, Lily, Meadowes and I, he began. Then, Meadowes asked if there was a chance that Sirius would be there… 

As he said that, Sirius raised his eyes to him, clearly interested by that part of the story. 

\- She did? He asked. 

\- Yeah. Of course, she was clearly worried about you, mate, said James, shrugging. 

\- Sure, she didn’t worry about me while she was kissing my brother, though, did she? Sirius said, closing up again, crossing his arms in a pouting attitude. 

\- She what? I asked, surprised, to James. 

\- Yeah, when I told you, yesterday, that she “played the part’’ of Greengrass’ secret relationship with Regulus, I may have let that one slit. 

Okay, this is maybe not truly her fault, but I could understand a little bit that it could have pissed Sirius off… Regulus, of all people... 

\- Then, as I was saying, Meadowes told us she would go unjinx Greengrass, then she was supposed to go to bed... Now, I understand that she instead took the map to locate Pads and went to see if he was okay, am I right, pal? James asked Sirius. 

\- Yeah. 

\- So…? What happened then? James pressed him. 

\- Arf… Sirius groaned, as he got up, pacing. 

He paced for a little while, looking exasperated, then sat down again and looked at us. 

\- I… I was very upset. Because of Regulus, and because of the image of her, even if it wasn’t physically her, kissing him. That made me feel sick… I needed time. She shouldn’t have… 

\- What did you do? I ask him more harshly that I intended. 

I do know Sirius. I do know he can be moody, hot-tempered, impulsive, and sometimes, even if he doesn’t really mean it... He can be very harsh… I know him well enough, after all these years, to not take any of it personnal. But Dorcas don’t know him that well... 

\- Well, in fact, you should be happy, Moony, I ruined my chances with her, she’s yours for the taking… He said, with a cocky grin, though it wasn’t reaching his eyes, it infuriated me, nonetheless. 

\- Don’t be an asshole, Sirius, I groaned, in harsh words I never, until that moment, used against any of my best friends. You know pretty damn well that I never had a chance against you with her. If you ruined it, you’re an idiot and I have nothing to do with it… Don’t use me to lighten your conscience! 

I was trying hard not to just leave, slamming the door on my way out. I always had a soft spot for Dorcas. I never thought that she would return my feelings. But lately, I had to come with terms with the fact that there was clearly something going on between her and Sirius. It was obvious, or in any case, it was for someone who would pay attention... So, him saying stupidities like that to try and feel less responsible to have sabotaged whatever was developing between them was ridiculous and mean. 

\- An asshole… He repeated, looking pensive. Yeah, that’s how she called me indeed. When I told her that I didn’t want a relationship with her. 

\- Why did you lied? Asked Peter. We all know that’s exactly what you want. 

\- I never said that! Sirius stubbornly exclaimed. 

\- Well, you don’t have to, mate, it’s pretty obvious… Commented James. 

\- I would certainly not be push off like trash and then beg for a relationship, would I? He spat out to us. 

\- She pushed you off? Why? Asked Peter, not believing that a girl would turn down Sirius. 

With good reason, I must concede. I don’t know a girl who would say no to him… Instead of answering, he just shrugged and tried to change the subject, as well as the mood. It got me thinking. As mad at him as I was, to ruin things with Dorcas like a real idiot, I couldn’t prevent myself to rationally think this through. I looked at him once more, as he was pretending to laugh at something Pete said. I said pretending, because his grin, like his smirk earlier, didn’t reach his eyes. Those were sad. In fact, all about him was miserable. He clearly didn’t sleep last night, and he looked like hell. I mean, Sirius is a very stylish person, something that must come from his past in an aristocratic pure blood family. Even when he looks just-out-of-bed or something of the sort, it has been thinking through and he worked for it, it wasn’t really his out-of-bed look. I would know, I’m waking up in the same dorm as him every morning. Now, he just looked like he didn’t sleep, eat, and wash for the last 24 hours, and he did spend the night as a dog running in the woods. It showed, and it smelled… He was definitely off. Far off. That hinted me that he was in it pretty bad. Too damn bad... 


	24. Of Detention and Cold war

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An awkward detention and silent treatment

I was focusing hard on my transfiguration spell, supposed to achieve the act of transforming a cat unto a fancy and ornate plush cushion. Two things were not helping me to accomplish this. First, the cat was so cute, purring and trying to get me to scratch his belly, it was pretty distracting. Second, I was trying to avoid eye contacts with two people in the class. McGonagall, because she was clearly still angry with us for yesterday, it was showing in her face or her tone whenever she would speak to Lily or me, so I wasn’t asking as much questions as I would usually do. She was clearly not proud that I got my third detention in such a short period. I would know, because she made me a speech about it, using exactly these words.... Then, of course, I was avoiding looking at Sirius, who unfortunately, was sitting with his back to me, making it pretty difficult for me not to look at him at all. As usual, he and James were laughing about some inside joke between them, as they were perfectly executing the transfiguration of their cats, as if it was some super easy spell. Well, of course, for people who managed to become actuals Animagi, I guess it must be simple indeed... I groaned, looking at my cat, whom I managed to transform unto a hairy cushion, far from something fancy like the ones the boys made. And who would like a cushion made from cat hair, right? It’s disgusting, and not very practical when someone’s allergic to cats... I flicked my wand with the incantation and turned it back to a cat, with a heavy sigh, giving in and stroking it instead. 

\- So? You’re getting it? Asked Lily. 

I turned to her, only to see that she had a magnificent velvet cushion, orange like the colour of her cat's coat, with pretty fringes all around it. 

\- Pfffft... Nope. It’s not working well for me, I pouted, still stroking my overly-affectionate-cat. But, I added, I kinda got attached to it. Oi ! VERA? CAN I KEEP YOUR CAT? I THINK IT LIKES ME ! I shouted to a Ravenclaw’s girl seated in front of the class. 

For classes like this, McGonagall kind of requisitioned cats from a lot of students, to be able to practice on them, then she distributed them randomly on our tables. That’s how I got Vera’s. She told me that the fluffy flat-nosed white cat was hers, and that its name was Ghost. 

\- WELL, DON’T FEEL TOO UNIQUE, HE KINDA LOVE EVERYBODY! She smiled to me. 

\- It’s not true, Ghost? Admit you love me more! I said to it, stroking it behind its ears, making it purr even more. 

\- And can I have a demonstration of your results? I’m assuming, since you’re not practicing it, that you’ve mastered the exercise, am I right? I heard McGonagall’s stern voice in my back. 

Crap. She’s gonna see that I suck at it. I flicked my wand, reciting the spell and the cat-hair cushion appeared once more, to my great disappointment, but without any surprise. 

\- I see. I would recommend less waste of time and more practice, Miss Meadowes, she said, before she went away. 

I sighed and focused once more on the task until the end of the class. As soon as we were dismissed, Lily and I hurried up to our dorm, to drop our bags and fetch our vests and scarves for detention with Hooch at the Quidditch pitch. We arrived at the same time as she did, and I spotted Sirius, nonchalantly leaning against the locker room’s wall, waiting for us. He must’ve come down here directly after Transfiguration... 

\- Hello you three! So, this Saturday, as you must know it already, there will be a Quidditch match opposing Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff and the Pitch is in poor shape. There are broken benches in the stands and the painting on the goals is overdue. 

\- It’s about time, I whispered to myself, those two problematics were long overdue in my opinion. 

But, I wish that someone else would have done it instead of me. Yet, I didn’t regret yesterday, it was amazing. I wish I’d do this more often before. I was wondering where the good student in me was gone these days... The first detention was ‘’accidental’’, but the second was because I fought with Greengrass, and the third for my day-off from school. I was clearly down a dangerous path in my opinion... 

\- So, I’ll do the painting, continued Hooch. I’ll need someone to follow me with the paint bucket, and the other two would repair the benches, is that all right? Who’s coming with me? She asked. 

\- I will, said Lily, pretty fast, stepping forward. 

WHAT THE HELL? Why did she do that to me? I gave her my best threatening look, and she just smiled apologically to me, before she went in the direction Hooch told her to go to fetch the painting equipment. 

\- As for you two, you’re able to do it with your wands, right? She asked us. 

\- Of course, said Sirius, as I was thinking about my lack of construction skills... 

\- Perfect, I suggest that you begin with that one, she said, pointing the closer stand, it’s the worst. See you later, she said, before she gave Lily a broom and they fled in direction of the goals. 

\- So unfair, they got to fly... I said, forgetting that I was with Sirius and that I didn’t want to talk to him. 

He was already going toward the stands, and I followed him in a very heavy and uncomfortable silence. We got to the stands and he began to work, asking me now and then to hold a board while he was screwing it with his wand, or something of the sort. Our exchange of words was pretty plain, overly polite and limited to “can you do this, can you give me that, thanks...”. After what looked to me like a lifetime, Hooch called us from the ground, telling us that detention was over, that it was time to go have dinner. I practically ran down the stairs to meet Lily to go back to school. As soon as I arrived near her, I confronted her about her betrayal. 

\- Red??? Why on earth would you do that to me??? It was one of the most long and awkward moment of my life!!! I told her in an angry tone, but not too loud for Sirius not to hear it. 

\- It was that bad, eh? Sorry, hon, I thought that you two would have a chance to patch things up... 

\- Well, think again, it was horrible. I think we just cannot be friends anymore. I think the other night, it ruined our relationship completely. 

\- I don’t think so. I think that you both just need time before things can go back to normal, she moderated my despair. 

\- Well, that would have been nice of you to think about that before you forced me to spend the last hour and a half stuck with him. 

\- I’m truly sorry, Dor, I thought that it could be a good timing, I didn’t know that you both needed more time. 

\- Well... Next time don’t bother, I said, not too harshly, but to make sure she won’t. 

\- I won’t, sorry again, she said, looking like she was relieved that I wasn’t mad at her. 

*** 

The days after were pretty much the same, we were not in talking terms, but I was getting used to it, as we were not talking since nearly two weeks, now. I was getting out of the shower, after Quidditch practice. I was used to be the last one to leave the locker room, so I was a little surprised to see James sitting and clearly waiting for me. 

\- Hey, can we talk? He asked me, while getting up and following me on my way outside. 

\- Sure? What about? I replied. 

\- You know, it’s been a while, now, that you and Sirius... He began. 

\- James, stay out of it, I groaned. 

\- I just wanted to... I’m trying to understand what happened, it’s no good for the team, you know, that you are not in talking terms... He tentatively said. 

\- Really? That’s what you’re worried about? Quidditch? I snapped at him. 

\- Yeah. No. Not really... I’m more worried about my friends then my players, actually... He said, frowning. 

He sounded sincere, so I decided to open up a little to him. 

\- I guess he told you about the other night, did he? I asked him reluctantly, knowing James enough to know that he won’t leave me alone before we talked about it. 

\- He did, kind off. But he clearly left out some elements. Lily filled the gaps for me. 

\- Of course, she did. So, what’s your input on this, James? I asked him sarcastically. 

\- Well, clearly you both are to blame. First, you should have listened to me when I told you that he needed to be alone for a while. I do know him, I know he can be... Very moody and mean when he’s in one of those situations... 

\- So, you’re telling me it’s my fault??? I asked him defensively. 

\- Remember, I told you that you were both to blame, you didn’t let me finish! He replied. 

\- Arf. Fine. Enlighten me, then, I sarcastically said. 

\- His part of the blame is of course the way he treated you, very badly. But, Meadowes, he likes you very much, there’s no way that would’ve happen normally... That situation was a mess! He defended his friend. 

\- Yeah, but it did. It was hurtful, James, I just cannot... 

\- There’s something I don’t get, though. Why the idea of not having a serious relationship bugged you like that? I don’t want to judge or anything, but Lily told me about your dating situation with Freddy. Why is it ok with Duncan, but not with Sirius? He asked me, with an arched eyebrow. 

\- Simply because I'm not in love with Freddy, it’s not that complicated to..., I began to explain. 

I stopped dead on my track, opening my eyes wide, realising what I just implied. How stupid was I, to say something like this to James Potter, his best friend, of all people? I turned to him, and looked at him in horror, as understanding downed on his face. 

\- You love him? You love Sirius??? He asked, his eyes menacing to pop out of his sockets as they were very wide open by the surprise. 

\- Merlin... I face palmed, James, I promise you, if you EVER tell this to ANYONE, I’m gonna MURDER YOU!!! I finished, pressing my index into his chest with authority. 

\- You’re in love with Sirius, he chanted, with a very childish and out-of-toned voice, making me want to jinx him on the spot. 

\- Shut UP!!!! I urged him, looking around us, making sure no one was close-by. 

He just nudged me, with a huge grin. 

\- Oh come on, Meadowes, it’s not that bad. I understand your taste, I love him too, he winked at me. 

\- I hate you, I brooded. 

\- But you love Sirius! He smirked. 

\- Okay, now you need to shut up about it!!! I punched him on the shoulder. 

\- Meadowes, you’ve no idea how much I’m not shutting up about this. I’m just too happy, and when I’m happy, I’m loud, he laughed. 

\- Merlin forbids, that’s true. But... please drop it. It’s clearly one-sided and not happening, I pouted. 

\- I wouldn’t be so sure about that, he said. 

\- What do you mean? I couldn’t refrain myself to ask. 

\- I don’t know if he looooooves you, he said with a girlish and annoying voice, but I know that he likes you very much. He cares about you, deeply. I’m gonna try to help you both, this situation is freakin’ ridiculous, he rolled his eyes. 

\- Don’t forget I’m still mad, I won’t forgive him that easily. 

\- You both sure need some explaining and apologies. And you would need to break up with Duncan, Meadowes, and you perfectly know that, he said, dead serious, with a raised index in authority. 

\- … Well, we’ll see about that... I said, as we got back to the castle. 

It’s not like I didn’t think about it myself. This relationship with Freddy always felt equally simple and wrong. I was supposed to see him after dinner, we had a “date” in the library. I needed to advance my Potions essay and he was studying for an Arithmancy quiz that would happen tomorrow. So, we agreed to meet in the library. He was waiting for me near the entrance of the Great Hall, and as I was following him, I saw James looking at me with a reprobating look. I childishly made a face at him, tongue out, before I turned my back on him. He would certainly not tell me what to do, I decided. I’ll see how things are going with Freddy and take a decision by myself, and not because James took his authoritarian voice to try to force me to ditch him. 

\- Okay, so, I need to talk to you about something, Freddy began, as soon as we were sitting down at an empty table in a corner of the library. 

\- What? I asked, intrigued by his non-dissimulated excitement. 

\- I... He began, looking around us to be sure nobody could hear us, then he got closer to me. She... She told me that she wanted to end things with him... He said, not needing to name them, I knew perfectly well who he was referring to. 

\- What???! Really? Are you sure??? I asked him, getting excited too. 

\- Yeah. You know, it’s pretty delicate, he’s my best friend, I find it weird to be that happy about it, and at the same time, unhappy for him. But the thing is, it’s not working. They’re moving away from each other more and more. She told me that she feels that he doesn’t love her anymore, and she realised that she’s not sad about it. She said that after the last Quidditch match, there was another girl turning around him a lot, and she didn’t mind. They’re ending it, Dorcas...! 

\- Oh wow, I’m very happy for you! You think you would maybe have a chance? 

\- Hard to say, we did get even closer recently, but I’m gonna take my time, not rush anything and making sure it would be okay with him, you know... 

\- So, I guess this is the end of our casual relationship, then? I asked him. 

\- I guess...? Does it bother you? He asked, his face trying to see in mine if I was okay or sad about it. 

\- It is totally fine. I was actually considering it myself, I said, smiling to him. As much as I like you, it wasn’t meant to last, I winked at him. 

\- True. Still, Dorcas, I very very like you, I would very much want to be friends with you... I you want to, of course.. 

\- Clearly, you won’t get rid of me that easily, I grinned, nudging him. 

\- And, for the ball, I don’t want you to go alone... He began. 

\- Oh, don’t bother, I’m totally fine going alone, actually, Mary is alone too, so I’ll go with her, no problem at all, I shrugged. 

It was true, I didn’t really care about that stupid ball to begin with... 

\- Are you sure? Because I don’t mind taking you... Let’s be honest, I’m not going with Caitlin either... 

\- I assure you, I’m fine. I was terrified at the thought of dancing, anyway, it’s actually quite a relief, I laughed. 

And I was sincere. I was terrorised about the perspective of dancing. Going with Mary would take that stress out of the portrait. 

\- Things are still bad, with him? He asked me, referring to Sirius. 

I did fill Freddy in about that lousy situation with Sirius, since we’ve been pretty open about our respective love interests recently. 

\- Yup. Still not on speaking terms, I sighed. 

\- Wow, you lot are a quite the strong-headed pair, aren’t you? He smirked. 

\- He is, I’m not that bad, I said. 

\- A match made in heavens, he teased me, grinning. 

\- Isn’t it supposed to be something more like ‘’opposites attract each other?’’ I frowned. 

\- Yeah, those silly concepts were invented to fit for all kind of situations, so both works, he winked at me. 

\- Right... I said. 

\- Well, let’s do this, he sighed, if we want to ever get out of here... 

And we got immersed in our schoolwork for the rest of the night. 

*** 

Two days later, Thursday, at the end of afternoon, I was returning upstairs with Lily after hours spend in the library, when James caught up on us, coming between us and putting his arm on our shoulders. I saw that the other marauders were far behind, and that he clearly sprinted a little to get to us. 

\- Afternoon, ladies, he greeted us. So, did you break up with Duncan already? He asked me. 

Lily laughed a little at his directness towards me. I concluded that for once, she didn’t tell him. 

\- Actually, no, I answered. 

I saw Lily’s head turned to look at me with an incredulous expression, I winked at her with a smirk. 

\- Meadowes, you really are a lost cause... He said, exasperated. 

\- He broke up with me, not the contrary, I explained, still smirking. 

\- So you two aren’t dating anymore? That’s great! He exclaimed. 

\- Well thanks, you’re very sensible to my feelings, I pretendedly pouted. 

\- Don’t make me laugh, Meadowes, you’re not sad at all, he said. 

\- I don’t know, he was a pretty good snog, I said dreamily, not really lying on that one... 

\- Sirius’ better, he teased. 

\- Oh, good to know! So, you two snogged then, eh? I teased him. 

\- Haha, very funny! You two snogged before, don’t tell me you didn’t liked it, I saw you, about to faint right after! He replied. 

\- I was certainly not!!! I defended myself, even if he was totally right about that. 

\- You're cute when you’re blushing, Meadowes, he winked at me. 

\- James, him and me, not happening, so stop it, I said, a little irritated that he saw me blush at the memory. I’m still mad, in case you forgot, I added. 

\- Not for long, he simply said, before he released us and went back to the marauders. 

\- That boyfriend of yours, really getting on my nerves, I said to Lily. 

\- Have you look at that butt, though? Isn’t it perfect? She said dreamily. 

\- Arf, wait for me, I need to barf, I rolled my eyes. 

\- I can’t wait to see him naked... She continued, laughing. 

\- Allright, I’m out! I said, running to join Mary and to get away from Lily and images of a naked James forming in my head. 

*** 

James 

\- It’s over. Meadowes and Duncan, I mean, I said to Sirius as I came back to my friends after I got the information from the girls. 

\- She finally ditched him? Sirius asked. 

\- Actually, it was the other way around, I shrugged. 

\- Seriously? What a bloody idiot, Sirius commented. 

I looked at Remus, evaluating if we should be careful when speaking of Meadowes. It was more of a reflex, though, because Remus was clearly over it these days. I think that he didn’t intended for us to know, but how much of a fool was he to think that we would not spot him on the Marauder’s map hiding in broom closets with Mckinnon? For about a week now, they were meeting every now and then, between classes and sometimes at night. I was very happy for him, though, it was a first for him, he always kept away from romance because he always thought that nobody should get that close to him. It was pretty stupid, we were very close to him for years now and he still doesn’t understand that he is very agreeable to be around. I guessed a lycanthropy problem and a lonely youth could do that to someone... Thing is, we were very relieved that he let Mckinnon in. I always thought that his crush for Meadowes was exactly because he knew it would always be platonic between them and that it was better to not really get involved with someone. Remus came forward and gave Sirius a pat on his back. 

\- Second chance, Padfoot, don’t ruin it this time, would you? Remus said. 

Sirius looked confused for a second. 

\- Are you really pushing me toward Meadowes? He asked him. 

\- Clearly. You two are insufferable when you’re not speaking, I prefer you together, he said with a smirk. 

\- That, and the fact that he’s shagging Mckinnon now and no longer fancy Meadowes, Peter said. 

Remus turned to him, blushing a little. 

\- You guys spied on us??? He asked us, with a little reproachful tone. 

\- Moony, you can’t be seriously asking that question, Sirius said. Of course, we spied on you. That’s quite the exciting secret affair you got there... 

\- We just... Wanted to take things slow... He blushed some more. 

\- And by slow, you mean seeing her secretly twice a day? I mocked him. Moony, I don’t understand the secrecy, we’re very happy for you! I added. 

\- Hmpf... He said, walking faster for us to stop teasing him. 

*** 

Dorcas 

As I was absentmindedly looking at Professor Flitwick’s demonstration in Charms, I heard a laugh, between Sirius and James, in the row facing ours. I turned to them, a little intrigued, and, I must add, bored to death by today’s lesson... They were whispering between themselves, clearly not paying any attention to class, as usual. I just don’t get those two. They were clearly NEVER paying attention, and clearly not studying that much neither and they were somewhat getting some of the highest scores of our year... As if he felt my gaze on him, Sirius turned my way and our eyes met. A little ashamed that he caught me staring, I lowered my eyes on my book, cursing myself in my head. As I did, his handwriting appeared on the upper corner of the page I was looking. 

_We need to talk, don’t we?_

I raised my head to look at him. He was still staring at me, clearly waiting for my answer to his question. I thought of it for a second, measuring what was stronger between my still present anger and the pain I was feeling every day to not talk to him anymore. I’ve abandoned the idea of me and him together, even if it hurt like hell, but being friend with him, it’s better than nothing, and I missed him very much... I saw that his expression changed a little, he looked uncertain, and a little desperate. That helped my decision, and I nodded. He smiled at me in response, and I saw that he was writing in his book, then pointing his wand on it. 

_Perfect, can you meet me after class, in the Room of Requirement?_

About that. Lily, ever so bookworm, find out about our room’s history in Hogwarts: a history last week. She also discovered that this Room was mainly used to hide things, and we tried it, James, her and I, and discovered an immense room, with an impressive assortment of many things and objects, that generations of students and teachers put there since the castle exist. It was all very interesting. But, for us, it was still mostly our favourite hanging-out spot. 

I looked up, to see that he was waiting for my answer. I nodded once more, then refocused on Flitwick. Lily nudged me, distracting me once again from the boring class. To be honest, I cannot say that I was bothered by the distractions. 

\- What’s going on? She asked me, clearly, she saw the silent exchange between Sirius and me. 

\- I’m meeting him after class, to talk, I answered her. 

\- FINALLY, she whispered loudly in my ear, overjoyed by it. James will be happy, your little cold war was saddening him very much. 

\- Really? Sometimes he just needs to butt out from other’s business, I pouted. 

\- Dore, he cares deeply for you both, you cannot expect him to not react when you two fight. 

I looked at James, and saw that Sirius was focused on Flitwick, but his mind was clearly not on the class, he looked like he was elsewhere...I returned my gaze on James, he was looking back at me, his fingers tracing a heart in the air, an idiotic smile on his lips. 

\- Lily, I know you love him, but I’m gonna jinx the bastard! I tell her, as she was laughing with him to my expense. 

As the class finished, I took my things and got out in the corridor, to see that Sirius and James were waiting for us. James held out his hand to his girlfriend, who took it and they left, without a word, but before he went, James winked at me, and I glared at him in return. 

\- Hi, I heard Sirius say to me. 

I turned to him, feeling the tension we had between us for the last week go away slowly. It was weird to hear him talk to me after all these days of silence... 

\- Hi... I answered back, not very looking at him, but focusing on the flow of students walking around us. 

\- Shall we? He said. 

\- Let’s go, I stupidly answered, following him upstairs, in awkward silence. 

As we arrived in front of the place where the door would appear, after what felt like an eternity, he opened the Room and let me politely enter it first. I sat on the red plush armchair and looked at him as he was taking place in the couch. 

\- Sooo... He began. I just wanted to say to you that... I’m sorry for the other night. 

\- I never thought that you had it in you to say things like that, I said before I could prevent myself to. 

\- I usually don’t, so don’t get too used to this, he smirked at me. 

\- Well, go on, then, I’m all ears, I said, acting like I wasn’t all stressed out and anxious about what he would say next. 

\- I was pissed off. I mean, royally pissed off. Reg was his usual stupid self, I don’t know why I’m always hoping that he would come back to his senses... He explained, his voice tone showing his grudge toward his brother. 

\- Normal. He’s your brother, after all, of course you’re not entirely giving up on him... I soothingly said, feeling very empathic to the pain he must feel. 

\- He was a nice kid, you know... When we were younger. My mother, she wasn’t the loving kind. My father, he was always away from home, for works or maybe to get away from mother... My brother, even if he annoyed me, sometimes, because he was following me everywhere like a shadow, I felt very protective of him. We were close, very close. We loved each other, to try to compensate for the lack of parental love. Pathetic, isn’t it? He said to me, even so he wasn’t looking at me, clearly his mind in his terrible youth’s souvenirs. 

\- Not pathetic at all, I find it comforting, actually, I said, thinking that his relationship with Regulus probably made these awful times less painful. 

I can't even begin to imagine what a loveless childhood means. My parents were annoyingly loving, I often thought that they were too much. I thanked them in my head at the moment. The vision of two sad little boys came in mind and was heart-breaking. 

\- Well... It all went down when I entered Hogwarts. As you know it, I broke my family’s long tradition of Slytherins by being sorted in Gryffindor, and... You know, I already... My ideals and values were already slightly different from my family’s, but within a year, I was completely another person. All my life, until then, I’ve always been the black sheep in a world of aristocratic inbreeds fools, that’s all I knew for years. I’ve never had any friends, my cousin, Andromeda, cared for me, feeling as we were of the same sort, but she was much older than me... And, when she ran out to marry a muggle born, I never saw her again. My mother burned her name from the family tree tapestry we had at home... Can you imagine? I guess she did the same with my name on it... He paused, clearly caught up in his thoughts. Well, anyway, here I made friends, real ones, for the first time in my life, loving ones, and they were so much different from all the jerks I’ve met growing ups... 

He made another pause. I was very saddened to hear all of this. And I didn’t want to interrupt, he never before confided in me this way, and that made me feel very privileged. 

\- So... When I came back from Hogwarts, for the winter’s holidays, I was very impatient to see Reg, I’ve written to him many letters, explaining to him how awesome Hogwarts was and the friends that he would make, and all that... His letters were shorter and only cordial, but I didn’t mind it... But when I came back home. He was like... A stranger. My mother and him got closer somehow and they were both resenting me, they said I betrayed them, that I tainted their precious reputation as a pure-blood family, and other rubbish of the sort... I tried, very hard, to shake some sense unto him, but he was completely brainwashed. It was over. Just a couple of months apart from each other, and she achieved it... To turn him against me. To trap him in her claws... After that, I came back home only for the summer, and we grew more and more apart... And when he came to Hogwarts, it was even worse, he got unto Slytherin and acted like we didn’t know each other... So, you know, I dropped it, and I chose my new family and just moved out someday... But, the other night, when those filthy bastards tried to torture him, I just lost it... He’s still my little brother, you know... I felt I still needed to protect him. But the fool wanted this crap. He literally fantasizes about Voldemort at night... 

\- I don’t get it... The guy is a renowned psychopath... I said. 

\- They don’t see him like that. They see a very powerful wizard who share the same ambitions as their own about the wizarding world. Grindewald was of the same sort, and a lot of wizards followed him too... It’s the extremism of feeling superior and powerful, and mainly, better than others. You push it and push it until you feel that you and your kind are the only one deserving to have power and you begin to destroy the other half... 

\- Well, not under my watch, I groaned with conviction. 

\- Whoa, a simple apology took us pretty deep, didn’t it? He said with a crooked smile. So, you forgive me, for being a jerk sometimes? 

\- Well, only if you forgive me for kissing your brother. It was mad, but I felt that it was the best way to stay under the radar at that moment... I can assure you that I didn’t intended nor enjoyed it... I finished, blushing from the shame. 

\- I forgive you, and, it was Greengrass, so it actually was only half-disgusting... He grimaced. 

\- … And... Next time, I’ll listen to James and leave you the hell alone, I said sheepishly. 

\- I can’t disagree on that, James, like Remus and Peter, they know me pretty well, they know when they’re at risk of being jinx by me when I’m in a tantrum... You’ll learn... He added, smiling at me. But, with hindsight, I understand that you were worried about me and I regret my behaviour... I shouldn’t have... Did or say any of those things to you, I feel very stupid... He said, shaking his head. 

\- Its fine, things were clearer after... I said, implying what he said about us not getting serious. 

\- To be clear, I regret all I said and did in that classroom, he said, staring at me. 

\- Right... I answered, confused about what he meant. 

Does he mean that he regrets hurting me or does he mean that it wasn’t true? Should I ask him? I don’t want to, I don’t want to risk him saying that he wasn’t looking for anything serious another time, I prefer to think that it was the truth, to not risk being disappointed another time. 

\- So... Friends again? He asked me. 

\- Yeah, I guess, I said, smiling at him. 

\- Perfect, then, I have another question, he said. 

\- Ask away, I answered. 

\- Would you accompany me to the Samhain ball? He asked me, with a crooked smile. 

WHAT? Did I hear right? Is he asking me for a... date? Is he not already going with Leah Thompson? I heard her brag about it in the girl’s bathroom the other day... 

\- Are you not going with Leah? I frowned at him. 

\- Well, technically, yeah, but I’ll ditch her if you want to go with me, he nonchalantly said. 

\- Harsh, you cannot ditch someone one week before, everybody else must be taken, I commented. 

\- Meadowes, you know Thompson, you really think that she would go alone? He smirked. 

He got a point, she was one of the prettiest girls in school, I kind of hate her for it, and it stung hard when I learned Sirius chose her. Because, she was kind of as much of a bitch as she was beautiful, and, as I said, she was VERY beautiful. It made me feel self-conscious at how ordinary I was looking next to her. Of course, someone as handsome as Sirius would choose someone like her. He was right, though, if he would ditch her, she would simply raise her hand and all the other boys would be ready to ditch their dates to go with her. But, even if, I simply cannot go with him. What good would it make? I didn’t trust him anymore... 

\- Euhm. No need, though, I cannot go with you, I planned to go with Mary, she’s alone, I lamely said. 

\- That can be arranged, Pete’s alone too. 

\- I... Thanks for the invite, but... 

\- You don’t want to accompany me, is that it? He asked me, frowning. 

\- … Sirius let’s put it this way, if you would have asked me this a couple of weeks ago, I would have been very pleased. But you trampled on my pride that night, and, even if I forgive you, I don’t forget... I said, looking at my hands and not at him. 

I was feeling very weak and still hurt, and I couldn’t face him as I was being honest like this... 

\- I understand, I need to regain your trust, don’t I? He said, getting up and coming my way. 

He held out his hand to me, to help me get up too. Then, he delicately took my chin between his fingers and lifted it up for me to look at him. His eyes were burning through mine and I kind of couldn’t prevent myself from letting go a little gasp from my lips. 

\- I have a week, to make you change your mind about the ball, do I? Let me make it up to you. I’m sorry I treated you badly and lost your trust, but I assure you that what I said before that fiasco was true, and I’ll prove it to you... He finished intensely, letting go of my chin. 

\- Sirius... I began, wanting to protest once again. 

\- I’m famished, let’s go eat! He grinned at me, gesturing to me to follow him. 

I groaned a little, but followed him outside, unable to resist him when he was in a good mood like this. I laughed a little in my head, at how absurd that situation was. Even if I tried to push him away, to prevent to get hurt again, who was I trying to kid? I was already head over heel for him... 


	25. Chapter 25: Of Payback and Courtship

\- Okay, now spill the beans, Dorcas, we want to know everything that was said into that room! Asked Marlene, as I was seating myself comfortably on my bed after dinner. 

Well, I can’t tell them everything, the part about his family history was very personal and I think it wasn’t my place to tell them, but I guess that the rest was okay to share... 

\- Heum. He apologized about the way he treated me, and he said that he regrets everything he did or say to me that night. 

\- Okay, we kind of guessed that part, though, but tell us the juicy stuff, he hasn't taken his eyes off you all through dinner, it was nearly awkward, Marlene pressed me. 

\- I would cut the ‘’nearly’’ from your sentence, Lene, it WAS awkward, I didn’t know where to look, he was over doing it, I said, blushing. 

\- Dorcas Meadowes, stop beating around the bush! Mary laughed. 

\- All right, all right, you’re an impatient lot, aren’t you? I said, grinning. Well, after the apologies, because I apologised too, you know what for, we agreed to being friends again. Then, he asked me out of the blue if I wanted to go to the ball with him. 

\- WHAT? That’s great, Dore! But... I thought he was going with Leah? Lily said, confused. 

\- He was, he said that he would ditch her, I grimaced. 

\- Perfect! So, you’ll go with him, Marlene said, rather than asking. 

\- No, I shrugged. 

\- And why the hell not? Asked Mary, frowning. 

\- In case you forget, he hurt me pretty bad, I mean, Mary, two weeks ago he was practically laughing at me and rejecting me very harshly... I explained. 

\- Oh, true, the bastard, agreed Mary. 

\- And, remember? I’m going with you! I winked at her. 

\- Dorcas Meadowes, don’t use me as an excuse to refuse the date of your dream, laughed Mary. I’m pretty able to go by myself, thank you, she added. 

\- But, he did apologised for that night, right? Asked Lily, and he told you that he regrets everything he said, didn’t he? She added. 

\- Yeah, but... I began. 

\- Don’t you think that it might mean that he, maybe, really have feelings for you and want to be with you? She pressed. 

\- Well... I don’t know, okay? All I know is that I don’t want to be rejected that way ever again. So, yes, I don’t want to throw myself in something I could regret. I need time to think about it, that’s all. It’s too fast. I’m not telling you that I won’t change my mind, but, for now, it’s a no. I’m too afraid... 

\- Oh. I’m sorry hon, you’re completely right, Lily said, before she got up from Lene’s bed and came to me to hug me. 

\- In fact, Dorcas, it’s brilliant actually, we know you love him, let’s see if he’s ready to court you, that could be fun! Marlene said, smiling to me. 

\- I’m not sure I want to get that kind of attention, though, I mean, if he’s nearly as crazy as James... I said, smiling to Lily. 

\- It’s as awkward as it’s cute, actually, and a good boost for your ego, Lily said, winking at me. 

\- We’ll see, won’t we? He did tell me that he would get me to go with him, and to regain my trust, so... I shrugged. 

\- My my, get me some popcorn, we’re having a romantic comedy going on! Mary said dreamily. 

I threw my pillow to her, laughing, as Marlene was frowning in incomprehension at the movie reference she didn’t get. 

*** 

I was entering the locker room, Saturday afternoon, for our match against Slytherin. I was kind of dreading it, and by that, I mean more than I usually do. The reason? Greengrass, mostly. I was certain of two things. First, that Regulus told her about me taking her place at the awful meeting in Clock tower courtyard. I mean, how could he have not told her. They were secret lovers, obviously he told her. Also, when we were in detention together, doing our homework in McGonagall’ class amongst other students, she was always glaring at me, I mean, more than the usual glaring. Second, I was certain that they hadn’t tell the others about it. I was pretty positive on that fact, someone as arrogant and proud as Greengrass would certainly not mention to a group of future death eaters that she got tricked like this. Even if we attacked her sneakily in her back, it was clearly not glorious for her and I was sure she didn’t mention it. But she knew, oh yes, she did. She was eying me with rage every time I looked at her. I think that she was waiting for the perfect moment to get revenge on me. And what better moment than a Quidditch match? ‘’Accidents’’ occurred often during games, especially when the Slytherin team was playing... It was quite a perfect occasion to make someone suffer without getting caught. For sport, right? I was thinking about that, and shuddering, as I opened my locker, and I got out of my thoughts abruptly when something red fell on me... I took a step back in surprise, only to see that it was in fact hundreds of red roses. 

\- Meadowes, looks like you got an admirer! I heard Potter mocked me in my back. 

I turned around to glare at him, as he was sitting on the bench facing my locker, with a grinning Sirius at his side. 

\- Really? Black? I said, kicking the flowers from my feet. 

\- What? Isn’t it romantic? Red roses? He asked me. 

I took off my wand, pondering if I make them disappear before the others arrive, or just put them in the trash. 

\- Ooooooh!!!! Dorcas got an admirer!!! Is that from Freddy? I heard Hope ask, as she entered the locker room with Jonathan. 

\- You’re late on the news, Turner, Duncan and her, it’s history, really. This is from Sirius, James said, making me blush crimson red. 

Hope turned to him in surprise, achieving to insult me doing so. 

\- Is that true, Sirius? She asked him. 

\- What can I say, I’m a sucker for a pretty face, he said theatrically, laughing with James. 

She turned to look at me, with a mix of annoyance and jealousy in her face, making me feel, deep down, a little tinge of victory against her. 

\- Did you use Amortentia on him or what? She asked me. 

\- Oh burn! James laughed. 

\- Did you, Meadowes? Sirius asked with a smirk. 

\- What the hell? Of course, I didn’t!!! I fumed. You all know how much I suck at Potions! Amortentia is wayyyy out of reach for me. And if I would have given him love potion, do you think I would do that? I said, casting Wingardium Leviosa on the flowers and throwing them unto the trash. 

\- Besides, Hope, are you really surprised? I mean, haven’t you witness those two kissing at Dorcas’ birthday party? Merlin, it was hot, said Jonathan, mimicking a fan with his hand. 

\- I did, but then, you two weren’t talking for weeks, she said, pointing us. 

\- We reconciled, said Sirius to her, but still grinning at me. 

Having enough of the attention, I took my things and hurried in the bathroom to change, glaring at the others on my way. I didn’t feel bad about trashing the roses, because I knew for sure that they were magical ones, and so he didn’t pay for it... I was ambivalent in my feelings about it, though. I had in horror public demonstrations like this, but I couldn’t help thinking that he is openly and publicly demonstrating that he has an interest for me. I never ever saw him do something like this for a girl. Never. To be fair, he never had to, girls were throwing themselves on him all the time, without him ever having to lift a finger. Again, I was conflicted, was he really interested in me, or was I simply a shining new challenge for him? Merlin knows that he liked challenges... I was just hoping that he wasn’t taking advice from James on that matter, or my life would turn unto a nightmare... I got back to my locker, to put the rest of my equipment on, and Sirius came to sit by my side. 

\- So, be honest, Fury, was it a tad too much? He asked me with a smirk. 

\- Judging by my reaction, what conclusion did you draw? I rolled my eyes at him. 

\- I hesitated between, you didn’t like the attention on you, or you didn’t like roses... 

\- A little of both actually, I said, looking around, to see that everybody was getting ready, but clearly their ears were opened to our conversation. 

I decided to tone down my voice, to not satisfy the eavesdroppers. 

\- Of course, I don’t like public stunts that much, I whispered to him. And, not that I dislike roses, but a hundred is a tad too much, as you said, I added. Plus, the fact that Hope will start the rumour that I gave you love potion because she just can’t believe you would be truly interested. I can’t really blame her, I kind of don’t believe it myself. 

\- Why? He asked me, clearly intrigued by that. 

\- You can have anybody, why would you choose me? I shrugged. 

\- Not for your brain, apparently, because that question was pretty stupid, he sighed. Why, you ask, because I like you, is it so hard to believe? He rose an eyebrow at me. 

\- … 

\- So, will you go with me, to the ball? He asked with his crooked smile. 

\- No, I answered, shaking my head in disbelief, but not able to not crack a little smile. 

\- Did you know that my birthday’s the day before? It’s a little rude for you to say no to me knowing that fact, is it not? He grinned. 

\- Right, I forgot about that... The day before... November the third, then? I asked. 

\- It's insulting, Meadowes, I was sure you knew about that, he said. 

Of course, I knew about that. From years ago. November the third was practically circled with a heart in my head. But I'm surely not telling him that, am I? 

\- Thanks for the reminder, I'll make sure to buy you a present, I shrugged. 

\- Oh I'm not picky, no need to, just coming with me to the ball would do, he said, still grinning. 

\- Yeah, I don’t know, I’m a material girl, maybe, I like gifts more, I grinned. 

\- You know I will get you to say yes, right? He teased. 

\- You can always try, I’m not one to crush dreams, I winked at him, regaining confidence because of the nice things he said to me. 

Before he could answer, James stood up and we looked at him, knowing that it was time to go. 

\- Okay guys, come here! He shouted to us. 

We got up and formed a circle around our captain. 

\- Great, okay you lot, this match is very important... 

\- Isn’t it always? I complained. 

\- Shut it, Meadowes! He said to me, but not harshly. As I was saying, before being rudely interrupted, this game is very important. As you all know, if we were to lose this one, we would get behind Ravenclaw, who would take first position. We don’t want that, do we? 

\- No! We all shouted. 

\- As usual, the principal challenge from Slytherin is that they play dirty, so you all, do your best, but don’t forget to be extra careful and to look-out for your teammates, all right? 

We cheered and start running to the centre of the pitch. Hope was designated for the first face-off of the match, I took my position on her left. The match went pretty well, taking in consideration that I was unfocused, because I was keeping an eye on Greengrass. But, Hope and Jonathan were very efficient, and they had made four goal before Slytherin made their first. 

\- Meadowes? What’s happening? Focus, we need you! James shouted to me. 

I listened to him and focused back on the game, trying to keep an eye on Greengrass, but it was hard, since I got the Quaffle and was speeding towards the goals... I scored, then, Hope was still at face off, she got the Quaffle, but then she dropped it, and I hurried down to try and catch it before the other team. As I was going down, I got a glimpse of Greengrass, nodding towards the stands, and, forgetting about the Quaffle, I looked in the direction she was looking, to see that it was Regulus. As I was refocusing on the game, something very weird happened to my broomstick, it got very very slippery, as if it was suddenly cover in oil... As I was going down to get the Quaffle, I just slipped off my broom and plunged headfirst to the ground, which was something like 15 feet lower. The fall lasted seconds only before I hit the ground, putting my arms over my head in reflex. Then, I blacked out. 

*** 

\- It’s just a bloody nose, I certainly don’t need to be here!!! I heard a voice I recognized immediately. 

I was feeling dizzy and a little nauseous. I opened my eyes and noted that I was in the hospital wing. Oh. Right. I crashed on the ground during the match... The match???! I saw that Lily was getting up from a chair next to my bed and she was coming closer. 

\- Hey, Dorcas, how are you feeling? She asked me gently. 

\- Is the game over? I asked her. 

\- It wasn’t when I left to follow you here, but... 

\- And, what’s the diagnosis? I sighed, looking at my bandaged arm. 

\- You fell head first, for something like 20 feet, you tried to protect your head with your right arm, so you broke it, and you still got a concussion from the shock... Lily told me gently. Your broken bone got back in its place, thanks to Pomfrey, but you still have to wear the sling to keep your arm immobilised, well, not your first broken bone, you know the drill... And Pomfrey will keep you in observation for a couple of hours to make sure you have no side-effects of the concussion, she finished. 

\- Hm. And what is Sirius doing here? I said out loud, for him to hear me. 

I managed to sit down and scanned the room to see him. He was on the bed facing mine, sitting on one side, a handkerchief on his bloody nose. 

\- I shouldn’t be here, this is stupid, I just have a bloody nose, because of that idiot, he said, pointing the other bed, where Pomfrey was taking care of someone, her back to us and preventing me to see who it was. 

\- Who is it? What happened? I asked. 

\- My dear brother, after he attacked you, I attacked him, he simply said. 

\- You saw him? I wasn’t sure he was the one who attacked me, I said. 

\- It was him all right, he said, looking pissed, but apparently, I’m the only one who’s observant in this damned school, so he will clearly suffer no consequences, well, except for the remnants of our fight, I mean. 

As he said that, Pomfrey came to him to check on his nose, while he was continuing to argue with her about it, and I saw, now that she wasn’t hiding him anymore by her presence, that Regulus was passed out. I found it in me to wish that he was not too badly injured... James entered the Hospital wing then, followed by the rest of the team and Marlene, Pete, Remus and Mary. 

\- So, who won, mate? Sirius asked him. 

\- They did, we were two players short, said James darkly. 

\- Sorry, Prongs, but I just couldn’t... Began Sirius. 

\- I know, don’t fret, mate. You two, are you all right? James asked us. 

\- As I’ve been repeating for a while now, I’m perfectly fine, I should’ve been allowed to continue the game! Sirius said irritably. 

\- Sure, they will let you play after you crash someone in the stands with your broom, said Remus sarcastically. And you, Dorcas, how are you? He added. 

\- A headache, a concussion and a broken arm, apparently, but I’m fine, I sighed. 

\- By-the-way, Meadowes, avenging you for this attack, does it deserve some appreciation gesture? Like, I don’t know, dating me to the ball, maybe? Sirius said innocently to me. 

\- Nope, I said, but thanks, the gesture is appreciated, nonetheless. 

\- All of you, you saw that your friends are fine, now you let me work, shoo! Said Pomfrey, kicking them all out. 

They all left, feebly protesting about it, waving at us as they went. She came back to Sirius again, then after a couple of minutes, she took a step back. 

\- Episkey, she said, pointing her wand on Sirius’ nose. Here, she said, it’s not broken anymore, and your face is clean, you can go, Mr. Black, she finished, already going back to her desk. 

\- What? No? I certainly won’t go and let her alone with the one who attacked her! Sirius said vehemently. 

\- First you don’t want to be here and then you won’t go? Don’t be silly, of course your brother didn’t attack Miss Meadowes, she got injured by falling from her broom, it’s a common incident during a match, and you know it, she said. 

\- I’m not leaving! He persisted, crossing his arms. 

\- Mr Black, I’ll be out for a minute, and when I’ll be back you would be gone, she said, not asking, ordering. 

As she was exiting the Hospital wing, I saw that Regulus was trying, with difficulty I must add, to sit in his bed. He was pitiful to see, his nose was inflated and he got two black eyes. I guess Sirius was going fast when he crashed unto him in the stands... 

\- Sirius, I didn’t know she was your girlfriend, or I would never have... He said reluctantly. 

I was about to say that I wasn’t, but Sirius spoke before me. 

\- You bloody bastard... He snarled. 

\- I promise you, I’ll never harm her in any way, ever again, he said, sounding strangely sincere. 

\- Why should I believe you? He snapped. 

\- For no reason, except I’m giving you my word, he said, nodding solemnly to Sirius. 

I guess that was something serious in their family, because Sirius, after a minute, nodded in return, then got up from his bed. He came by my side. 

\- You take care, Meadowes, I want you top shape to dance with me at the ball, he winked at me. 

\- You would be disappointed, I don’t dance, I said, smiling at him. 

\- Correction, you didn’t dance, past tense. You never had a good partner like me before, he bragged. 

\- Well, that's certainly not an argument in your favor, I hate dancing, I replied. 

\- You’ll love it, see you soon, he said, before he turned on his heels and left, as Pomfrey was coming back in. 

** 

I was looking at my reflection in the mirror, as I was putting on some mascara. Yes, make-up grew on me recently. I also like the effect of black eyeliner on my eyes. I wasn’t really good at applying it yet, not achieving the thin line like Marlene would, but my lack of talent resulted in thicker and messier black lines, and I quite like the effect on me, it was really bringing out my pale eyes. Marlene said that I was pulling that look pretty good, that it gave me a lead singer of a music band look. Well, certainly, if I would start singing in a band the good-looking messy-styled make-up won’t prevent me to get rotten tomatoes in the face. I sing horribly off-tune. It’s a complete disgrace. Maybe I could manage to play an instrument, though. I never tried... Let’s be honest, here, when would I find the time to learn to play a music instrument? Between classes, Quidditch, extra potions, social life, Sirius’ ceaseless court? Yeah, he’s not the one to drop it, as it seems. I’ve never got that much attention in my life. I’ve honestly never saw him intent on something (or someone) like this. Usually he gets bored pretty fast of something (or, once again, someone). Well, aside from the marauders. He never got bored of those... I smiled back at my reflection in the mirror. I was definitely not against this. It was actually very flattering. James was almost as annoying as Sirius was. Always asking me ‘’So, ready to stop pretending like you’re not interested? You’re pushing it, Meadowes!’’. Yeah, I was pushing it allright, after all, he shouldn’t get it (or more, me) that easily, right? Also, even if it was more and more muffle, there was still that little voice in my head that was telling me that I shouldn’t drop my defences, that I would go back hitting a brick wall once again... 

I sighed, then looked at my long and wavy hair, wondering if I would let it loose or not... I decided not to braid it, I was feeling lazy and they were behaving today, looking quite good. Instead, I just borrowed a thin white headband from Marlene and placed it in my hair. I must admit, I was taking care of my appearance slightly more than before... I think that came gradually after the purple stunt... Or even a little before, maybe to try to get a certain someone’s attention, I thought. The purple hair were nice, though, after the panic was past... Then I recalled that I still had a small blue vial for payback to Sirius, my birthday gift from Remus. As he and I were not on the best terms for a couple of weeks, I completely forgot about it. Oh. That would be hilarious if he was to pull that look for the ball. About that still unsure soiree I would spend with him, Leah’s murdering glares in class yesterday made me guess that he indeed ditched her. It equally irritated me than it pleased me. It pleased me because, let’s be honest, I was jealous that Leah was going with him. I was irritated that he was so sure that I would say yes that he let go of his date... 

I’ve finished my dress yesterday, we had a crafting evening in the dorm last night, it was pretty fun. We used our Charms and Transfiguration skills to do so. Marlene did an incredible job on her long pale blue dress. She created an illusion on it, like the dress was completely crystallised frozen from the bottom to the waist, gradually passing from frozen white to blue, and sparkling like the snow was with the reflect of the moon. The effect was stunning. She also had a delicate white lace magically frozen mask to match the dress. Lily conjured a lot of cherry blossom flowers, some blossoming, some entirely opened, and the mask looked like it has been carved directly into the Cherry blossom’s trunk and was intertwined with leaves and flower. She looked like a nature’s goddess. Mary chose a short bright yellow dress, on which she added beautiful sunflower, and she decided to wore muggle sunglasses as a mask, finding herself very clever. I, for my part, magically added beautiful red, yellow, brown and orange leaves, some here and there from the top, and more and more until the bottom of the dress, where there was so much leaves, it was making a little creaking sound when you move and you didn’t see the dress under it. For my mask, I simply took a Venice's mask and magically glued leaves on it. 

For now, it was Tuesday, ten in the morning, I took my time, I was off in the morning and I wanted to oversleep a little, for once. Lily was hanging out with James, Lene and Mary were at their Care for magic creatures’ class, outside. 

I was thinking about that class, that wasn't necessary for my career, but that I enjoyed a lot in the past, as I was coming back from the bathroom to my dorm, so I didn’t immediately saw that someone was sitting on my bed. My heart jumped very high and I shrieked from the surprise, having heard nothing announcing someone was there. 

\- Merlin are you the jumpy kind, Sirius laughed. 

\- Of course, the idea of announcing yourself before coming in doesn’t occurred to you? I replied, crossing my arms. 

\- You look particularly beautiful this morning, Meadowes, he said, looking at me appreciatively. 

I wasn’t ready to get out of the dorm yet. So, I was sort of partially dressed for school, having skipped breakfast and not having class for three more hours. I was wearing a white tank top and my school skirt, no socks, no shirt, no tie, no cardigan... Under his stare, I felt completely naked and sensed that my cheeks were starting to blush. 

\- And to what do I owe the pleasure? I asked him, opening my suitcase to get the rest of my school uniform, hiding from his persistent stare. 

\- Nothing special, I wanted to hang out, are you busy? He asked. 

My arms full of clothes, I closed my suitcase with my foot, before dropping my bundle on Lily’s bed. 

\- Well, before I answer that question, let me ask you one first. How exactly did you get in here? I asked, as I was seating myself in front of him and starting to put on my long socks. 

Noticing that he wasn’t answering, I raised my face to look at him, frowning, to see that he was staring at my legs. 

\- Sirius? I insisted. 

\- Sorry, hard to focus, here, he said, looking back at my eyes, not helping at all my blushing problem. You’re wise, aren’t you? Can’t you guess how I did it? He said, smirking. 

I thought about it for a minute, Dumbledore’s magic was quite the effective one, and I never heard of a boy able to come out here. Ever. I frowned at him, not understanding. 

\- I’ll give you a clue, what can I do that few people can? He smirked. 

\- You mean besides getting on my nerves in record time? I grinned at him. 

\- I told you, I challenge you, and you love it, he winked. 

\- Yeah, right, of course... I laughed. 

Then a pretty agreeable dream I had came in mind. I remembered that Sirius entered the dorm as a dog... 

\- The animagus thing then, maybe? I tried. 

\- Right on, he said, getting up. 

He went to the centre of the room and he transformed into a black dog. I guess that Dumbledore’s didn’t think he would have students so talented when he created that spell... Sirius changed back in his normal self and came back to sit on my bed. 

\- Do you want me to pick up your jaw from the floor? He teased me. 

I didn’t realise that I was still gaping at him, too impressed by what he could do. I knew about this, but to know and to see it live is too completely different experiences. I shook my head and scowled at him. 

\- Stop bragging, I said, trying to hide my admiration from him. 

\- How not to, you didn’t see your face, you were dead impressed, he winked at me. 

I rolled my eyes at him, putting on my second sock. 

\- So, you guys can come and go as much as you want, then? I asked him. 

\- Technically, Peter and I can, try to imagine a big stag going up and down the stairs, he grinned. 

\- Oh. True. That would be a funny vision, though, I laughed. And we can take Remus out of the portrait too, I guess, I can’t imagine a werewolf visiting girls at night... 

\- That would be more gore than naughty indeed, he smiled. 

I took my shirt and began to button it up. 

\- And you just happened to sit on my bed by luck? I asked. 

\- Well, not by luck. I arrived as a dog, I smelled and recognised your bewitching perfume on it... He winked at me, making me blush even more. 

\- Those dog senses, totally weird, I tried to joke, as I was gulping and feeling like the room was hotter than before. 

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence, before Sirius spoke again. 

\- So, you didn’t answer my first question, are you busy? He asked. 

\- Well, as you surely know, I sucked with the cushion-cat Transfiguration exercise, so I was planning to practice on Grey, here, I said, pointing the cat in the middle of Marlene’s bed. 

The cat was looking at Sirius with a mix of fear and hate, I guess because of the dog thing... 

\- What about I help you turning the stupid cat unto a magnificent cushion, and then we go take some air outside? He offered me. 

\- Pleeeeease, help me, I approved vigorously. 

\- So, look, the trick is to... He began, taking off his wand. 

I actually doesn’t understand how he managed it, but after only three attempts, I mastered the transfiguration spell. Over enthusiastic about it, I tormented poor Grey multiple times by changing it unto a silver velvet cushion, before Sirius demanded for me to stop. 

\- Take your coat, we’re going out, he said, winking at me. 

\- Like going outside, not like dating, I specified, taking my coat and scarf. 

\- It’s what you want it to be, he replied, with a crooked smile. 

\- So, are you turning back unto a dog? I asked him. 

\- No, I’m sliding my way back, it’s quite fun actually, wanna try? He asked me. 

\- Hm. Do I? I asked, unsure. 

\- Don’t be a coward, he said, opening the door for me to get out. 

\- Okay, you go first, I chickened out. 

He nodded, then put his right foot on the first stair. The spell took effect immediately, turning the staircase unto a spiralling slide, he winked at me and gave me his hand. I hesitantly took it, and he pulled me abruptly to him. I lost my balance and fell not very graciously in the slide while he began to go down. It lasted only seconds, and we were getting at the bottom of the stairs. He arrived before me and got me in his arm for me not to fall on my behind. I awkwardly took a step back from him and began to rub my behind, wondering if the slide, made from the dusty stairs, was dirty. I looked at him after, and smiled back at him, it was indeed quite a fun ride. A brand-new experience to add on my Hogwarts’ bucket list. 

The Common Room, like it was the case most mornings during the week, was empty. We got out of there and made our way toward the great staircase. The timing wasn’t good, because the stairs were moving, so we had to wait a couple of minutes for it to come back to us. We waited in something of an awkward silence, but it wasn’t a bad one. Not like when we weren’t speaking to one another. This silence was more like the one when you would like to say something to cut the silence, but your brain was blank, and you found nothing to say that would not be something stupid. About what could we possibly talk? The weather? Lame. School? What interesting about that? Quidditch? Nothing was good or interesting enough in my opinion. It was one of the first time in my life that I felt like I had nothing interesting to say. I must explain, that’s rare in my case. I am a little loud and a little attention whore most of the time. I looooove to talk, and I don’t think that I am super annoying, per say, but I’m the kind of person who can totally monologue if the person with me isn’t talkative enough. So why on Merlin was I completely mute right now? I guessed that the fact that Sirius Black was courting me was a little overwhelming for my poor brain. He broke it, I guess. Sirius Black broke my brain. That was kind of funny. The funniest was that, for once in my life, I didn’t mind. 

\- Okay, what on Merlin is going on in that pretty head of yours? He asked me with a smirk. 

\- I was thinking that I wanted to start a conversation, but I didn’t know about what, I explained pretty frankly. 

\- Really? Am I intimidating you? He said, nudging me. 

\- You? No. I just lacked inspiration, I lied to him. 

\- We could talk about... I don’t know, that ball you’ll be attending with me? He winked at me. 

\- You never will give it a rest, won’t you? I smiled at him. 

\- I’m perseverant, what can I say, he replied. 

\- I would have say stubborn. 

\- Funny, I would qualify you always turning me down the stubborn one, he smirked at me. 

\- I kind of like to turn you down, though. I always wanted to help deflate your ego's a notch, I shrugged. 

\- Be careful, though, I might change my mind after some time, he smirked. 

\- Would you really? Great! I laughed. 

He nudged me, before opening the door leading to the grounds. As we got down the stairs, he took my hand and pulled, making me do a half-turn, facing him. 

\- Look me in the eyes and tell me that you won’t accompany me for Samhain, he said. 

I raised my eyes reluctantly to look at him. His smile faded as his eyes locked on mine. I was rendered completely and stupidly mute. I mean, how ridiculously beautiful were his eyes? The perfect almond shape and the grey coloured pupils, as they were piercing through me. My brain was trying hard to refocus my being and send the message to my mouth to say the words. It felt like the control tower of my brain was on fire, and that they were working on pulling the fire out instead of calling the speaking department to actually manage to make me say something. That was absurd. I still wasn’t sure about this. I hated the way it made me feel when he harshly rejected me. I wanted very much to be spiteful, to forgive, but not forget. But none of this was able to be said out loud. The only thing I was able to do was to remove my hand from his and to start walking away, trying to escape his hypnotic gaze and give a chance to my stupid body to return to normal function. 

\- So, nothing, eh? I heard him say, as he was coming back to walk next to me. 

\- Drop it, Sirius, I said. 

\- Okay, let me try this another way, he said, before he left my side. 

He went to a nearby overgrown wild bush. I looked at him, frowning, not understanding what he would do next. I was less and less able to oppose and I knew deep down that it never was questionable that I would go with him. But making him work for it was my little revenge for the rejection. I kind of knew already that his intentions were good, call it instinct or else... I heard a rustle in the bushes and Sirius came back in his dog form. 

\- Oh this is so unfair, I mumbled to myself. 

I love animals. I love to cuddle them, to play with them, to talk with them like a crazy person. Well, to be fair, now I was really able to do it, knowing that it was my friend under this shaggy black fur. 

\- Hey, Padfoot, I greeted him, as he was coming near me, his tail moving so fast it was almost invisible. 

He came closer and I felt his cold muzzle on my palm, then he licked my hand. 

\- Okay, this is weird and gross, don’t do that, I laughed at the dog. 

He raised his head suddenly, looking towards the Lake, and barked excitedly. I looked in the same direction and saw that Lily and James were there. Sirius, or Padfoot, or the dog? Anyway. He ran to them very fast. I followed, in a walking rhythm, and arrived to them a minute later. Lily was laughing and stroking Sirius as I joined them. 

\- Don’t you dare licking my girlfriend, Pads, James menaced his best friend. So, he’s trying to get you to like him more by turning unto a super cute dog, Meadowes? He asked me with a grin as I arrived next to him. 

\- Something of the sort, I replied, laughing despite myself. 

\- Is it working? James pressed. It certainly is with Lily...! 

As he said that, Padfoot turn in my direction and climbed on me, his paws on my shoulder. Because he did it pretty fast and wasn’t weighing nothing, it had the result to make me fall on my behind, for the second time today, I must add. As I was to get up, the dog lick me on the cheek. 

\- You’re pushing your luck, stupid mutt, I said, but half-heartedly. How absurd is this situation? I asked James and Lily, laughing. 

\- You still refusing to go to that ball with him? True, it is completely absurd, James smirked. 

Padfoot was still trying to lick my face, as I was trying to defend myself from the dog’s disgusting drool. 

\- Stop licking me! STOP IT! I screamed, laughing hard, while trying to push him away from my face. FINE I’LL GO WITH YOU IF YOU STOP RIGHT NOW!!!! I shouted, desperate. 

The dog took a step back immediately, retreating behind a tree. A second later, Sirius came back to me, as I was still stunned on the ground. He came to meet me, holding out his hand to help me get up. I took it, blushing a little by the awkwardness of this ridiculous situation. 

\- It was unfair, I mumbled to him. 

\- Was it? Maybe I was a little desperate. We’re still going, aren’t we? he said, still holding my hand. 

\- I guess, I said, feeling like my cheeks caught up on fire. 

He didn’t let go of my hand and it was more and more awkward. I mean, Lily and James were grinning at us and all. I looked at Lily, with something like despair for her to do something. 

\- Well, boys, I think Dorcas had enough, we’re going back, said Lily, pulling her hand around my elbow and taking me with. 

\- Thanks, I whispered to my best friend. Very appreciated, I added. 

\- Don’t mention it, she answered, laughing, as we were on our way back to the castle. 


	26. Of Rivals and Samhain

*** 

_Lily_

\- I need to go to the loo, I said to James when we arrived on second floor. 

He nodded, pulled me by the hand and kissed me before I go. I must say, he’s pretty good at that boyfriend’s thing he’s doing. He’s still teasing me, I mean, A LOT, but he’s so sweet, cute and loving, that I don’t mind. In fact, I kinda like this side of him, now. The attention-whore-funny James. I didn’t at first, mostly because it was clouded by a less cute and funny side of him, a meaner, bullier James. But, it changed, within the last years. I always wondered why, he always was a jerk to Sev. Outch. Thinking of my former best friend still stang a little. I asked James, and now it all became clearer. Sirius, as always, ready for an improvised challenge, decided to push the joke, with Sev. Like, what was he thinking? He actually thought that it would be funny to drag Sev at Remus’ hiding place. I mean, the place where he hid while he’s in his wolf form. How stupid and dangerous was that? James told me that he saved Severus in extremis. Knowing Sev like I do, he must hate James even more now that he owes him his life... James also told me that a legendary dispute exploded between the marauders the morning after, nearly achieveing to destroy their precious friendship. It lasted for weeks. Remus, James and Peter were pretty mad at Sirius, and Sirius being like he is, he didn’t apologise right away. Anyway, that’s in the past now, and I think that it was somehow not a bad thing, because James changed since, and for the better, if you ask me. I was about to get out of my toilet’s cubicule when I heard two girls coming in. 

\- You mean he’s going with Dorcas Meadowes? 

\- Yes. 

\- You’re telling me he ditched you for Dorcas Meadowes, really? 

Oh, so that must be Leah and some girl from her royal court. Leah was always surrounded by a lot of silly girls looking like they were worshiping the ground she walked on. 

\- I know, Leah said. 

How self-absorbed was she to not see that Dorcas was prettier than her? Well, maybe I’m not completely non-biaised on this matter... But, nonetheless, Dorcas is pretty, and Leah is a stunning bitch, which tend to make her less pretty in my humble opinion... 

\- I don’t understand... Said the other girl. 

\- You know what, I think she did something, I heard she used Amortentia on him, Leah replied. 

\- Well, that would explain it... It’s illegal, isn’t it? Should we report her? The other girl asked. 

\- I think we can do better than that. We could make her pay, Leah replied. 

\- Oh, good idea, what do you have in mind? 

Their voices were fading, as they must have finished retouching their make-ups and were leaving. I came back to earth and got out of the toilet. I washed my hands and went back to James. I guess my facial expression was telling him that I was pissed, because he immediately frowned. 

\- What’s wrong? He asked me. 

\- I... I began. 

\- Hey, Prongs! I need you to come with me, like right now!!! 

Sirius was nearly running in our direction, arriving from the nearby stairs. James didn’t even look away from me. I was pondering if I would tell him or run to Dorcas to tell her. And now, it was worse, Sirius was there. I didn’t know what to do. 

\- Sirius needs you, I said, trying to soften my expression. 

\- I do! Said Sirius, arriving next to James, a little out of breath. 

\- You’re upset, why are you upset? James asked me, still oblivious to Sirius. 

\- It’s not... It’s just.. I heard Leah talk about Dore... I began. 

\- What did she say? Sirius asked, looking like he forgot the reason he was here in the first place. 

\- First, that you certainly are under the influence of Amortentia... 

\- Well, nothing I’ve never heard, before, he said with a smirk. 

\- She also said that Dorcas must be punished for it, I finished, crossing my arms. 

\- Wait, what? Sirius asked me, looking confused. 

\- She seemed to be under the impression that Dore need some pay-back, whatever if it’s for the allegations of spiking your pumpkin juice with love potion or more, like I think it is, for stealing you from her. 

\- Great… I’ll handle it, Sirius said, turning on his heels and walking fast in the opposite direction. 

I looked at James and we silently agreed that we would follow after him. 

\- Heum, Pads, mate? James called him. 

\- Yeah? He answered, as we were arriving to him, walking on either side of him. 

\- Where are you going? James asked. 

\- Where do you think I’m going? I’m on my way to give that bloody b... 

\- Woooooh, James said, putting a hand on Sirius’ shoulder, stopping him on his track. 

\- What? Sirius asked, a little dryly. 

\- Mate, you look pissed, and I understand, I don’t want nothing bad to happen to Dorcas too. But I know you, and I know that you can overdo this. I think you might want to consider leaving this to Lily and me, he suggested, looking at me. 

I nooded in return, thinking that it was a good idea. Sirius shook his head in negation. 

\- This concerns me. She wants to get revenge because of me. Because I ditched her to go with Meadowes. I’m the one who should settle this, Sirius said, clearly trying to keep his cool, but looking pretty pissed. 

\- I understand, pal, but maybe... James began. 

\- I don’t want her to have yet another reason to not go with me, so yes, I’m pretty much taking care of stupid Leah Thompson, he said, his jaw clenched. So, see you later, he finished, before he went down the stairs in a hurry. 

\- This is not good, James murmured to me, looking concerned, as we were looking at Sirius quickly distancing us. 

*** 

_Dorcas_

\- Do you think that she hates me? I asked Marlene, as I saw Leah coming from the door leading to the courtyard. 

\- Maybe. And you should be careful, she already took revenge on poor Susan Lynn when she dated that guy from Slytherin... 

\- Jeremy Jones? 

\- Yeah, him! They were dating for a while, then she ended it. After, Susan began dating him, and for an obscure reason, that pissed Leah’s off. She sent her a pretty gift, with a big bow and all. It was a scarf, covered in bulbotuber undiluted pus. 

\- What??? Is she insane? How come she didn't get expelled? 

\- Nobody was able to prove that she was guilty. Poor Susan, her hands were burned for weeks... 

\- Well, better safe than sorry, I said, getting up from the bench we were sitting on. 

\- Where are you going? Marlene asked me. 

\- I’m certainly not waiting for her to jinx me! I’ll go make sure she doesn’t, I said, before I walked towards Leah, who, as usual was surrounded by her friends. 

\- Oh, nice, I’m coming with, then, don’t want to miss that! Marlene said, following me. 

\- Hey, Leah! I shouted to get her attention. 

She turned her head in our direction. Then, as she recognized me, her attitude changed. She crossed her arms and frowned, her mouth twisted in a sour expression. 

\- Hey, Dorcas... She greeted me coolly. 

I came closer, standing right in front of her. 

\- I just wanted to say, I never asked Sirius to cancel on you, and I’m sorry he did... I began. 

\- He didn’t, nobody ditch me, she said, pouting. 

\- Suuure... I said, rolling my eyes. 

\- What do you want? She asked. 

\- I just wanted to say... I began. 

*** 

Sirius 

I was getting outside, having spotted Leah heading there on the map. I was not sure what I would tell her, but she would get out of the way, and fast... As I was trying to see where she was, I heard Dorcas’ voice. As usual, it got my attention, and I turned my head in the direction which her voice came from. She was with Mckinnon, and they were facing Leah and her friends. Intrigued, I got closer, staying behind a tree that was hiding me from them. 

\- I don’t care that much, you see, that you would be pissed at me. That you would think that I stole him from you. Thing is, that’s the way it is. I’m going to the ball with him. So, suck it up. And if you even think about pulling some stupid vendetta against me, let me just make this perfectly clear for you. I can swear to you, that I’ll be your worst nightmare. My parents are renowned aurors, after all, I know some spells that would get you to pee yourself! I know your style, Thompson, if you try something, be aware that I will get back at you, you would regret the day you pathetically tried to do me wrong... 

Thompson was looking like she was too stunned to say anything. The two girls that were surrounding her were looking like they wish they could be anywhere else at the moment. 

\- That would be all, so, don’t say I didn’t warn you, Dorcas added, turning her back on her and coming my way. 

Well, that was sexy as hell. To think that she needed me as a knight in shining armor... That girl surely doesn’t need no-one on that matter. Leah, looking a little scared, turned her back and went farther in the courtyard, her minions following her. Mckinon and Dorcas were whispering between themselves as they passed next to the tree were I was hiding. I was deciding if I should let them pass without showing myself to them, but, as usual, I couldn’t pass on an occasion to talk to her... 

*** 

_Dorcas_

\- Wow, that was pretty intimidating, Meadowes, I heard in my back. 

Of course, he would’ve witness this. It felt like my cheeks were reddening violently before I turned to look at him. He was there alright, his back resting nonchalantly on the trunk of the tree that obviously hid him from our sight a moment ago. 

\- I just wanted to make sure she wouldn’t try to get revenge on me, Lene told me that she’s that type of person, I said, crossing my arms in defiance at him. 

\- Well, you did quite a good job, I don’t think she will, he said, still smirking at me. 

\- She’s fierce, isn’t she? Marlene told Sirius. 

Sirius joined us to walk back towards the school with us. 

\- We’re you bluffing, though? About the things your parents taught you? He asked me. 

\- A little. It’s true that they taught me tricks and defense spells, especially after what happened in Diagon alley, I said, making a pause, remembering the dreadful encounter. But it still counts, because if I was to duel against her, I would bet big money on me, I said, smiling at him cockily. 

\- I would certainly bet on you, too, Fury, Sirius said, winking at me. 

As I heard him call me that, I remembered the birthday gift he got me. Lily gave it back to me, yesterday, smiling at me, telling me that she knew better than to trash it like I asked her... I touched it in reflex, making sure it was still there... As I looked back at Sirius, I realised that he surely saw my gesture, because he was staring at me with a serious expression... 

\- So, you have nothing better to do than to spy on us? I asked him, trying to change the embarrassing atmosphere. 

He stopped dead on his track. 

\- What is it? Marlene asked him, frowning. 

\- Crap! I was supposed to... I was on my way to... Crap, crap, crap! He said, before he started running back to the castle. 

\- How weird is this guy, you’re still sure you’re in love with him, Dore? Marlene asked me, smirking. 

\- What can I say, I shrugged, like calls to like, I winked at her, before climbing the stairs to the castle’s entrance. 

*** 

\- So, I’d like to make a toast! Said James, raising his glass and taking a piece of parchment from the back pocket of his jeans. 

All the group was enjoying a little soiree in honor of Sirius’ eighteenth birthday in our GQ. Nothing grand or too crowded, because the Samhain’s ball was tomorrow. Sirius asked just to be surrounded by close friends, food and booze. The boys asked the house elves to prepare a real feast that we enjoyed up here instead of our usual dinner in the Great Hall. 

\- Here’s to my brother, Sirius Black for his eighteen birthdays, he began. Pal, when we first met, in Hogwarts Express on our first way out here, I was already impressed. By your wits, your sense of humor, but most of all, by your strength of character. You were an outsider into your own family and you never hesitate for a second to throw everything out the window to follow your own path, the path you wanted for yourself. I admire you for that. It takes hell of a guts to do so. I always wonder if the two of us together, we’re the best or the worst of ourselves. We can do great things, and also, we did some very, very stupid shite! 

We all laughed at that, because it’s was so damn true. 

\- I just wanted to say, I think that despite a, let’s say, lousy childhood... 

\- To say the least, Sirius agreed, darkly. 

\- You’ve growing up to be a pretty decent bloke... That’s all, I love you mate, he finished. 

\- Come here, you sentimental bastard, Sirius said, standing up, and they hugged warmly. 

I can’t deny that my eyes were wet at the moment. The love that was going on between those two was very inspiring as well as touching. 

We were entering Gryffindor’s tower, and everybody were heading to their dorms when I managed the courage to pulled on Sirius’ arm as he was heading to the stairs. He turned to me with a surprised frown. 

\- Can you... Wait for me here? I have something for you up in my dorm. 

\- Heum, sure... He agreed, still frowning. 

I ran upstairs and entered my dorm, where the girls were casually preparing to go to bed. I took the wrapped gift on my bed and turned back. 

\- You go, girl! I heard Marlene encouraging me in my back. 

I gulped from the stress. What if he doesn’t like it? Was it a good idea to buy him a gift in the first place? As I arrived downstairs, he was seating alone on the couch in front of the fire, his back on me. I went to sit next to him. He turned to me, then saw the wrapped box on my knees. 

\- So, here goes nothing, I bought you a present, happy birthday, I said shyly. 

\- You shouldn’t have, he smiled, taking it. 

\- Of course, I should have. First, you gave me an absolutely gorgeous gift yourself not long ago. Second, you’re my friend, and friends are allowed to exchange gifts, are they not? 

\- Allright. I’m sorry, I’m just. It’s new for me, these gifts traditions, he said. 

\- What? How come? I asked, surprised. 

\- My family was, as you know, very stiff. Birthdays were never celebrated, and Christmas wasn’t a big deal either. It was just a traditional awful party with horrible snobbish people at Uncle Cygnus’ manor. The first gifts I got was the one I got since I’m here, from the boys. And from James’ parents since our third year too... He said with a small smile. 

\- And nevertheless, you yourself offer gifts, now, don’t you? I said. 

\- I’m learning, you know. To love people and to want to give them things, he said. I don’t think I fully get it, but I’m trying. 

\- … 

\- I should’ve said that. I’m way too deep and intense when I drank sometimes. I’m ruining the mood, he excused himself. 

\- You did not. I actually like it when you open up like that, I said with a small voice. 

\- I hate it, it’s pathetic, he said, closing up again. 

\- You are a lot of things, Sirius Black. Arrogant, annoying, a professional mood-swinger, a pain in the ass... But pathetic? Nope, I smiled at him. 

He looked at me, with a smirk. 

\- You forgot handsome, charismatic, boyfriend material... 

\- Nope. I did say arrogant, though, I said, nudging him. Then, will you take my gift, or I keep it? 

\- You giving me a gift, does that mean that you fancy me, Meadowes? He took it from my hands, still smirking at me. 

\- You gave me one two, remember? Does that mean that you fancy me? I said, blushing. 

\- Yep, totally, he said. 

\- Yeah, right. I give something to Remus ever year, that didn’t mean that I fancy him, does it? I answered. Would you stop messing around and open it for the love of Merlin? I said, crossing my arms. 

\- All right, all right, let’s see, he said, tearing the wrapping and opening the box. 

Inside, he took a deep blue velvet box and opened it carefully. It was containing two finely ornate silver hand-mirrors. He looked at me with a puzzled expression. 

\- No, it’s not because I think of you as a narcissist. Although... Now that I think about it... 

I laughed a little. 

\- But, no. Those are communication mirrors. You give the other to someone and you’re able to communicate through them when you’re not together. I thought that it could be a great addition for all your Machiavellian plans... 

He rose his eyebrows at me in silent response. 

\- What? You think it’s stupid? I asked, feeling stupid already. 

\- Are you kidding me? Those are bloody marvelous! He exclaimed. Thanks, Fury, I love it. 

He closed the box and scoot closer to hug me. I was surprised at first, we were not usually hugging that much. It was more James and Remus’ thing, the hugging. I circled his torso with my arms and pressed my chin on his shoulder. Merlin do I love his smell. I love to be that close to him. After 10 seconds, it began to feel awkward and I made a move to back up from the hug. I didn’t want him to think that I was weird by staying there for eternity, even if that’s exactly what I wanted the most at the moment. I looked up at him and he said nothing, looking at me with an unsure face, scratching the back of his neck. 

\- Hm. Well... I’m off to bed, I said, getting up, feeling completely awkward. 

\- Yeah, me too, he said, following me. 

I was unable to not turn around while beginning to climb the stairs, to look at him. He was still standing, his box in his hands, looking at me too, with a very serious expression. I hurried up, cursing myself when I nervously stumbled a little on my way. 

*** 

\- Can I see? I asked Marlene for what seemed like the hundredth time. 

\- Dorcas Meadowes, stop ruining this for me. I said you would look dazzling, but it comes with a price, to wait PATIENTLY ‘til I’m finished to see the result, so stop asking, you’re getting on my nerves! She said, slapping my hand, as I was trying to reach for Lily’s hand-mirror. 

\- I hate surprises, you know I do! I complained. What if I hate it? Would we have time to do it again? I asked. 

\- Look at me, you fool. Do I look like I can make a fiasco of your stupid face? Lene asked me dryly. 

I looked at her. If we forgot that she looked ridiculously beautiful even without any make-up on, she was incredibly gorgeous with her self-made frozen-styled work of art. Her face was very pale, her lips were blueish, her eyes were a mix between white and cyan, and she had small drops of ice over her eyelashes. She put on her mask and the effect was breath-taking. She was now on my case, seeing that I was unable to properly do it myself, in her opinion. 

\- But it’s soooo lonnnnng, I complained. 

\- Would you shut up? I’m nearly done! She cut me off. 

I looked down, at my dress, feeling more feminine that I’ve ever felt in my life. The dress was showing a much more cleavage than my usual clothing. Sirius’ silver pendant was there, plunging in it like always, but now it wasn’t hidden that much. My shoulders were bare, something else that I wasn’t used to... And the dress was so gorgeous, it made me feel like some princess... I crossed my legs and saw my black high heels from under it. They were Marlene’s, of course, I never possessed one of those. I wish I would be able to not break my neck while wearing them. I did walk on them several times within the last week, up and down the stairs and in the Common room. I got caught by the marauders and James and Sirius laughed at me, getting the heels thrown at their faces in return. Marlene was mad at me and menaced me to take them back. 

\- And for the final touch, I heard her say, making me refocus on the present. 

She faced me, my autumn leaves’ mask in her hands, putting it over my eyes. She knotted the brown ribbons at the back of my head, taking care to not ruin the hairstyle Lily did to me. My hair were expertly wound up, with multiple wavy locks coming out of it from all around. Marlene then took her wand from where it was, next to me on the edge of the bed, and pointed my face. 

\- _Set rutrum_ , she recited, magically fixing my make-up for the evening. Fine, now you can look, she said, taking my hand to get me up. 

Lily and Mary, who were casually chit-chatting between themselves, enjoying James’ gift for our pre-ball, a fancy bottle of sweet goblin wine, stopped talking and got up to meet us. I walked to our long mirror and took Marlene’s work in. Thing is, for once, I was thinking that my reflection was stunning. I mean, I’m able to admit that I’m not ugly. I’m cute, I think, but I never thought of myself as stunning. Now I was. It’s crazy what a gorgeous dress, shoes, make-up and hairstyle can do to a girl. Marlene went all in, she made me smoky eyes, under the mask it was very pretty, my eyes were greatly highlighted. My lips were the color of my dress, a dark maroon-reddish color, perfectly matching my outfit. I was wondering if Sirius would think that I’m pretty. Would he? I was hoping very much that he would. 

\- Dore, you’re so beautiful! Said Lily behind me. 

\- That’s a great compliment, coming from the goddess of spring herself, I said, smiling to her reflection in the mirror. 

She was so pretty herself, James is probably gonna pass out when he sees her. 

\- We all are goddesses tonight, let’s cheers to that! Marlene said, giving us our drinks. 

We finished the bottle a little in a hurry, because we were supposed to meet the boys in front of the Great Hall in 10 minutes. We got out of the dorm, crossing on our way a lot of other students heading in the same direction than us. We were in a cheerful mood, the girls achieving to convince me that a ball was something very amusing (or was it the goblin wine who did that job? Hard to say...). We were walking alongside, showing everyone our brilliant group costume concept, as Marlene was always repeating to us. As we arrived at the last flight of stairs before we would meet the boys, the cheerfulness evaporates in a second in my case. It was like my brain remembered who was waiting for me down there. Sirius Black. I felt my heart make an impossible bounce, like what you feel when you free fall (I would know, I fell from my broom not long ago). How could somebody hold control over your body like this? What exactly was I afraid of? It’s usually fun, to be friend with Sirius. I often feel free to be myself with him. Sassy, annoying, attention-whore me. Maybe the problem was the perspective of our friendship becoming... Something more? Was it really possible? Since our fight, I kind of refused to myself to even think about that possibility. I didn’t want to get my hopes up. Yet, the last few days he led me to believe that it might be possible. I promised myself that I wouldn’t open up to that hope. I decided that I would cross that river if something would happen. I would not do anything about it. But, will he? Everything was so confusing, sometimes I feel like he would, other times I remember that he was a real puzzle to me, from which a lot of pieces were missing. I was pulled from my interior’s struggles by Marlene’s hand on my elbow, to the top of the stairs. My heart made another big bounce, and I looked down, feeling like that time, my heart just stopped beating. 

And here he was. Looking absolutely perfect in his sober but very well-cut and chic black dress robe, and with a black... Merlin, was he wearing a mask representing a black dog? I looked at the others and saw that they also opted for a group theme. Remus was a silver wolf, James a brown stag and Peter a gray rat. I let out a burst of laughter for the inside joke. And... Oh. James’ robes were RIDICULOUS. He was wearing a sky-blue dress robe, full of frills, like too-many frills. It was horrible. He winked at me and I laughed a little, shaking my head in disbelief. I love James. I need to admit. He’s quite the character. And he doesn’t terrorise me like Sirius does at the moment. I realised that I’ve been trying hard to not look back at Sirius, delaying the moment, the weight from his gaze was too intimidating for my taste... 

Incapable to prevent myself to delay this anymore, I looked back at him. Our eyes locked, and I was unable to think straight from that moment. He was staring at me so intensely that I felt like I forgot my dress upstairs and was meeting him completely naked. Calm down, silly, of course you’re not naked, you looked in the mirror just before you left your dorm. It’s not like one of these stupid dreams when you realise in front of a class that you forgot to put clothes on. You’re dress. And you were looking quite good. Inspire, expire... Don’t ruin this, don’t shy this one out... He winked at me and smiled with his devilish crooked smile, the one that nobody, me included, could resist. As I was getting at the bottom of the stairs, Marlene let go of my arm and he came forward to meet me, lending me his hand. I gave him mine, he grabbed it and pulled me closer. His eyes left mine to wonder all over my dress. 

\- Don’t make this awkward, I managed to say. 

\- Is it awkward if I tell you that you look insanely hot? He whispered in my ear, making me shiver all over. 

\- It is, but thanks anyway, you look good too, I replied. 

\- Certainly not as good as me, though, right? I heard James say next to us. 

I looked in his direction and laughed some more at how ridiculous his outfit was. 

\- It’s awful, but, strangely, it suits you well, I said, grinning at him. 

\- Not sure it was meant as a compliment or an insult, he said, frowning at me. 

\- You know me, always keeping the mystery alive... I winked at him. 

\- I know you alright, enough to know how awesome you think I am, he winked back. 

\- Is that so? Clearly, someone’s been feeding you lie to not upset you, I said, nudging Lily. 

\- Clearly it works both ways, I kind of didn’t have the choice to act as if I really like you for her sake! James replied. 

\- How on earth do we manage to endure them? Lily asked Sirius. 

\- Really legitimate question, Sirius nodded to her. But then again, I’m acting as if I like you for his sake, he smirked, pointing James. 

\- I don’t like you either, to be honest, she winked at him. 

\- Well, we’re pretty much a bunch of hypocrites, then, I laughed. 

\- Speak for yourselves, I love all of you morons, said Marlene, kissing Remus on the cheek. 

\- Especially when she’s on Goblin wine, whispered Mary to us. 

\- Let’s go, then, loved ones! Lily laughed, taking James’ hand and pulling him to the Great Hall’s door, were a flow of students were entering. 

I sensed Sirius’ hand take mine to pull me in that direction too. The Great Hall was completely transformed. The long tables and benches were gone, replaced by round tables scattered here and there, and there was a stage at the end of the big room, where the professors usually ate. There were no tables in front of it, the open space was clearly meant as the dance floor. James lead us to the right, where we seated ourselves at a table, very happy that those were intended for 8 peoples. Sirius went before me and pulled my chair for me to seat. 

\- Since when are you gallant? I asked him with a small smile. 

\- I’ve got an awfully complete pure-blood's etiquette education, I just never use it, he said, returning my smile. 

\- All right, I’m going to the refreshments’ table, said James, Pete, Sirius, coming with? He said more than he asked. We’ll bring you drinks, he added in our intention.

I looked around me, seeing the others taking place, some going directly to the dance floor, the music was pretty loud. I saw Freddy coming in, with Chrystal Graham at his side, he saw me and greeted me from there, putting his hand on his heart like he would faint at the sight of me. He’s so nice. I smiled back and waved at him. The boys were coming back, their arms full of glasses of merlin-knows-what. 

\- What is it? Lily ask them before I did, taking the glass James gave her. 

\- I don’t know, some punch of sort, James answered, giving us all a glass. 

I was about to take a sip, when James gave me a flick on my shoulder. 

\- Tut, tut, wait up, you impatient girl, I wanted to say a few words before! He said, taking a solemn attitude. 

\- Really? Can’t you just shut up for once? I laughed. 

\- My dear friends, here assembled, he began, not taking the time to shut me off like he usually does. I just wanted to say how much I love you all... 

\- Is he drunk already? I asked Sirius, who winked at me in response. 

\- And let tonight be a soirée to remember, let’s make the most of it, of that final year here, at Hogwarts, and just plainly have fun! He said, raising his glass. 

\- Merlin what was that about? I said. 

\- And to Meadowes, the most ANNOYING person in the whole world, seriously mate, I don’t understand, he said to Sirius. 

\- It’s Amortentia, pal, he laughed. 

\- Hey!!! I shouted to James, YOU’RE THE MOST ANNOYING PERSON, not me! I counter-attacked. 

\- Well, great defense, Meadowes, just to repeat what I said! James laughed at me. 

\- Okay, okay, I think that everyone sitting around that table can agree that you both are indeed incredibly annoying, Lily laughed, SO, do we taste that punch OR WHAT? She finished. 

\- Cheers, pest, James said to me, clinging his glass to mine. 

\- Cheers, weirdo, I replied with a smile. 

We cheered with everyone and tasted the punch. As I was thinking that it would be light and fruity, I got a big surprise by the fire that took place in my throat. That drink had clearly been spiked with Firewhisky. I looked at James, who was grinning at us, amused by our reaction to our drinks. I turned to my left, where Remus was seating, and elbowed him. 

\- Pssst, all in finesse, your little group theme, I winked at him. 

\- I know, it wasn’t my idea, as you surely already guessed, he said, smiling. 

\- Was it James’? I asked. 

\- Touché. I was more going for a simpler theme. Did you know that a masquerade mask in french is called a loup? Also, that loup means wolf in french... 

\- Really? I don’t know a thing in french, so I would say no, but that’s a fun fact, I smiled. You could have just worn a simple ‘’loup’’ then, I added. 

\- Yeah, but no, you know James’ show-off side, I couldn’t deny him this, he laughed. 

\- Tell me about it, I replied, pointing at myself and the girls. 

\- I know it’s Lene’s idea, he grinned. 

The way he said her nickname and the happiness in his smile warmed my heart. I was very happy that he let her in, and that it was working nicely for them. I wondered if she knew, about his ‘’wolfy condition’’... 

After a little while, Dumbledore took place on the stage and spoke up to us. 

\- A wonderful evening to you all. I wish to you to enjoy yourselves during that night of festivities and frivolities! We’ll open the Samhain’s ball by the Traditionals' waltz, then there will be a popular band who would take the lead to entertain us! A very good evening to all of you! 

\- Okay, dudes, now is the time to show us your moves! Marlene said, getting up and pulling a horrified Remus.

James and Lily got up, going to the dance floor holdings hands. Peter and Mary were both laughing and saying that hell no, they weren’t going. Sirius got up, as I was looking at him in horror, my pulse accelerating dangerously. 

\- No, no, no, I said before he could even ask me to dance. I told you I don’t dance, I wasn’t joking! I said too fast. 

\- And I wasn’t either when I told you that you will dance with me, he answered me with a smirk, taking my hand. 

\- Sirius, I’m begging you, I’m going to shame you by my lack of talent! I protested, feeling my hands getting sweaty. 

\- Dorcas, look at me, he said, and I did. I’m pretty good at this, all you have to do is let me lead you, do you think you can do that? 

\- Letting you lead me? That might be even more difficult than the dancing part, I said, smiling a little, getting a little confidence back by the sassiness, something I was comfortable with. 

\- Come, and we’ll see, he insisted, pulling me to stand up. 

\- You’ll owe me BIG TIME for this, I said. 

\- Fine, I don’t mind, he smiled, knowing that he won over me. 

He pulled me by the hand to the center of the dance floor, were the couples were already dancing. James and Lily were very cute and gracious, and Remus wasn’t as bad as I thought he would be, seeing his terrorised expression earlier. The only time I ever danced was with my father, at a cousin’s wedding. Like, years and years ago. And now, Sirius Black, of all people, was expecting me to waltz with him. That would be a disaster. He stopped and positioned himself in front of me. 

\- This is completely absurd, I moaned. 

\- Remember, how easily I taught you to do that transfiguration’s spell the other day? It will be that easy, all right? He reassured me. 

\- Here goes nothing, I huffed, looking at the other students and copying their position. 

Sirius’ hand rested on my waist, the other, still holding mine, lifted it and he intertwined our fingers, making me blush even more, if it was possible. His hand which was on my waist pulled me closer to him. 

\- Okay, then, it’s pretty easy, when I push, you go back and when I pull, you move toward me, understood? 

\- I guess... I murmured, very intimidated. 

And he began, slowly, for me to understand the steps and the rhythm. I stepped on his feet a couple of times, making him laugh a little at me, but all in all, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. After a minute, I felt like I was getting it a little bit and was able to look back at him and not only at my feet. 

\- It’s not that bad after all, is it? He smiled his crooked smile at me. 

\- It’s not. And, sorry for your feet, I apologized. 

\- Don’t worry, they’re perfectly fine, he said. 

\- I don’t understand why you insisted that much, I’m so bad at this, I’m sure people are laughing at us, I said, trying not to look around me. 

\- I don’t give a damn about what people think. And to be clear, I hate dancing, he said. 

\- Then why on earth did you want to dance that much? I frowned at him incredulously. 

\- Why do you think? To hold you like this, it is worth it to suffer a little with the stupid dancing and your feet crushing mine, from time to time, he smirked. 

\- … 

\- Have I render you speechless? He mocked me. 

\- Well, I was pondering if the compliment was better than the insult, I said, looking everywhere but at him, very intimidated. 

\- Oh, it was, he said, his voice toned down a little, near my ear. 

The song ended at this moment, making us stop. I took a step back and raised my eyes to his. We stayed silent, looking to one another for a short while, before he spoke again. 

  * \- Dorcas, I… he began. 

  * \- Dooooooore !!!! I heard Lily shouting my name. 

  * 


What could she possibly want ??? Was Sirius about to say something important? He rarely uses my first name, and the way he pronounced it, was like music to my ears… He let go of my hand and turned towards where we heard Lily's overexcited voice with a resigned expression. I followed his gaze and saw Lily arriving to me, with an unmistakable excitation. 

  * \- Dorcas !!! Look on stage !!!! She said with a girlish too-high-pitched tone. 

  * 


I then realised that Lily wasn't the only student over-excited. There was a racket coming from all around us... I turned my head to see what the fuss was about, and I saw what she meant. I recognized immediately the members of my favorite band, the Immortals. Dorian Lovett, a god-like supernatural (literally) beauty was advancing toward the center of the stage, were his golden skull-shaped microphone was waiting to project his incredibly talented singing voice all around us (Do I sound like a big fan? BECAUSE I AM!). My heart stopped. This wasn’t real. They weren’t in my school... I turned back to Lily, feeling a little mad-groupie-like. 

\- Come, Red, we’re going first row, jinxing anyone who would stand on our way if we need to, I said, somehow a little serious about this (okay, to be fair, it would be more like I would toss everyone out of my way using my hand than my wand)… 

I pulled her quickly in direction of the front of the stage, followed by Lene and Mary who grabbed us on our way there... 


	27. Chapter 27: Of Ball and Public display

*** 

_Sirius_

Annnnd she completely forgot that I even exist after she realized that her favorite music band was here. She just ran toward the stage without any hesitation of some sorts. 

\- We got ditched good, right? I heard James said next to me. 

\- We cannot compete with stupid Dorian Lovett it seems, I replied, rolling my eyes at him. 

\- I don’t understand women’s fascination towards vampires, he frowned. I mean, the dudes are literally corpses. 

\- It must be the immortality thing, ‘’we would love each other for all eternity's bullshit? I said tentatively. 

\- Yeah, like that would happen, clearly Lovett would dump the poor girl’s sorry ass after a week, James laughed. 

It was true that the vampire had a man-whore's reputation if the tabloids were right... Then again, were the tabloids ever reliable? Why am I even loosing time thinking about this shite? I just don’t care at all... 

\- A drink? Remus, who met us as we were going back to our table suggested. 

\- Gladly, I replied, sitting back on my seat. Hey Pete, you got ditched too? I asked him. 

\- Of course, Mary told me that they’re all big fans, in fact, she shouted this while running over there, he laughed. 

\- Well, thanks for nothing, Dumbledore, James said, raising his glass to us. 

I clanged mine on theirs, and we took a sip... 

*** 

_Dorcas_

I couldn’t believe what was happening. I was dancing right in front of the stage to the rhythm of my favorite band. After a couple of songs, we just took off our heels and continued barefoot. 

The band took a break between sets, so we decided to go back to sit at our table, and have a drink (and water, like, a lot of it). We began with getting back at our table, to join the boys. As we arrived, I remembered the moment I had with Sirius before I ran toward the first row... I looked at him, as he was saying something to Remus, laughing with him, before I sat in my seat between them, kind of cutting their conversation. Sirius looked at me with a crooked smile. His mask was on top of his head, he clearly got tired of it fast. The mask up his hair was making a little mess of it and I must say, the bastard was just looking even more sexy than usual. I had a thought about myself and wonder if Lene’s spell for my make-up resisted the last hour of craziness in the middle of a dancing and sweating crowd... 

\- So, having the time of your life, Meadowes? Sirius asked me. 

I dropped my heels under my chair before I answered him. 

\- Actually, I am, who would have thought? I smiled at him. And what about you? I asked. 

\- Well, you kind of disappeared on me, but nonetheless, yeah, we’re having fun. That band isn’t half as bad as I would have thought it was, he smirked at me. 

\- I did disappear on you, didn’t I? I guess I’m a horrible date, I said, making a contrite face. 

\- Depends... He said. 

\- On what? 

\- The night’s still young... He winked at me. 

\- Will you drink that? I asked, pointing his glass of water. 

Not waiting for him to answer, I took it and downed it in one gulp. 

\- Dehydrated? He mocked me. 

\- I was trying to be subtle about it, but, yeah, I smiled at him. 

He pointed his wand at my glass (or more, his’) and it was full of water again. I guessed that he silently cast Aguamenti on it. I took it back and drank it, more slowly this time. After, I took his drink and downed half of it. 

\- So, me asking you to a date automatically meant that from now on, we’re sharing everything? He mocked me. 

\- In case you didn’t notice yet, you’re the only one sharing, I smirked at him. 

\- I know a thing or two that you could share with me, he suggested with a crooked smile. 

\- Well, if you insist that much, I guess I COULD lend you my shoes, they’re pretty uncomfortable anyway, I said, taking them from under my chair and putting them on the table, in front of him. 

He shook his head in disbelief at me. 

\- Why on earth did I want to date you in the first place, again? You’re such a weirdo! He said, grinning at me. 

\- Funny you would say that, since somebody said the exact same thing to me a couple of days ago, but about you... I smirked, thinking about Marlene. 

\- I’m sure you would win the weirdo’s competition, though, he smirked back. 

\- Riiiiight. Let’s see... Your best friend is the biggest weirdo ever, I began. 

\- James isn’t that... He said, looking at James, who was playfully catching his damn golden snitch at the same time as he was messing his hair because he loved the look it gives him. Okay, forget that, go on! He laughed. 

\- Then, you transform unto a dog, I whispered. 

\- This isn’t weird, this is awesome, thank you! He winked at me. 

\- I never said it wasn’t awesome, but yeah, it is kinda weird, too. Then, you couldn’t be serious for one minute... 

\- My superior sense of humor? Right... So, making a list of my countless qualities is your way of convincing me I’m a weirdo? Following your logic, the next weird thing about me is my good look? Good job Meadowes, it just proves how attracted to me you are... He said, putting his chin over his hand and grinning at me, while raising his eyebrows in a fake seductive mimic. 

I crossed my arms, clearly pouting because he kind of got me, there. It was true that I loved each one of those things about him, and frankly, all the others and even his flaws. I was completely under it, I mean, bad. But there was no way I would tell him that. 

\- Don’t get ahead of yourself, Black, I’m not one of your stupid groupies, I pouted. 

\- Oh, I definitely am aware of the difference, he said, more seriously. If that was the case, you wouldn’t be here with me tonight. 

\- Don't mention it, I’m still wondering why on earth I’m here with you! I replied, taking another swig of his drink. Oh! I have a theory!

I added, with a sudden inspiration. 

\- Do I want to hear it? He asked me, frowning. 

\- I don’t care, I’m telling you anyway. Okay, so, maybe, since you just dated silly or submissive girls, you wish that a girl would stand up to you? I tried. 

He laughed at my face, then shook his head. 

\- So, you’re saying that you think that you’re actually very clever AND bossing me around? 

\- Exactly, I grinned. 

\- I did get you to come tonight with me, didn’t I? I would say that I’m the one deciding. 

\- I concede, coming here with you tonight kind of prove that I may be a little dumb... But, otherwise, you forgot something, you did chase after me for a whole week before I said yes... I smirked. 

\- … I did indeed. But I also got you to dance with me, he mentioned. 

\- Merlin... Right, good point... I guess we’re both a little dumb... I replied, finishing his drink. 

\- James, pal, we need two more of those, that girl is a drunk! Sirius said to James, sitting next to him, elbowing him to get his attention. 

\- Oh, so you’ll throw up on him another time, then? James said to me. 

\- Hahaha, very funny! I said, a little vexed that he knew about that shameful event. 

But then again, is there anything those two doesn’t share? And, if I was being perfectly honest, I was pretty much doing the same with Lils... James took his wand to fill up our glasses with an orange-colored cocktail. 

\- So, what, you did a big jug of that cocktail and you conjured it down here all night? I asked him, intrigued. 

\- Pretty much, he agreed. But, wait a sec, it’s not right yet... 

He pointed his wand on the glasses again, whispering a spell I didn’t get, then the orange liquid turned the same red as the school punch was. 

\- I must give you this, your Machiavellian ingenuity knows no boundaries, I said, turning the glass in front of my eyes to look at it. 

\- Glad that you're finally acknowledging my gigantic talent, he winked at me. 

\- You know what else I’m acknowledging? Your gigantic EGO! I replied. 

\- Are you lot talking about my boyfriend’s ego? That subject interest me very much! Lily got into the conversation. 

\- I know I’m your favorite subject, love, James replied to Lils. 

\- I also know that you’re your favorite subject, she laughed at him. 

\- Now you’re death wrong, sublime woman, you are my favorite subject, he said, caressing her cheek. 

\- Laaaame, Sirius said, with a bored voice, but he was clearly as moved by those lovebirds that I was. 

\- Isn’t that night perfect, Dore? Lily smiled warmly to me. 

I put down my glass and took my shoes, still on the table, to put them back under my chair. Then, I crossed my legs, put my elbows on it and crossed my arms on it. 

\- Even if I hate to concede something, and considering the fact that I grumbled for weeks about this stupid ball... You’re absolutely right, spending the night with you weirdos, getting to see an Immortal’s show, getting those, I must say, marvelous drinks... I admitted gladly, smiling at them. 

\- They’re good, aren’t they? James confirmed. 

\- They are! What did you put in them? Lily asked him. 

\- Firewhisky, of course, then, a drop of... 

I got distracted. I mean, I completely disconnected from reality. Sirius, who was seating pretty close to me, was touching my hand that was hanging near him. His fingers were caressing mine, pretty lightly and gently, as he was looking at James’ enunciation of his cocktail’s recipe. 

\- … And then, I finished with a twist of pumpkin’s juice, and voila! James finished. 

Sirius’ fingers were still caressing mine, and James became once again muted in my brain, to concentrate on the marvelous thing happening to my hand, that thing that was actually reverberating through my entire body. 

\- … Meadowes? Are you already passed out? Those drinks are not that strong! James laughed at me. 

I shook myself internally, sensing the blush taking control of my cheeks, and I came back down on earth. Sirius turned his head in my direction, with his damned irresistible crooked smile. 

\- Distracted? He whispered to me, his back on James and Lily. 

A little irritated by his teasing, I removed my hand from his reach, only for him to take it back, intertwining his fingers with mine.

\- Dorcas? Lily asked. 

I turned to her, ignoring Sirius’ smirk, and not trying to get my hand free of his anymore. Who was I kidding, I wanted him to touch me... 

\- What was the question about? I got lost in James’ babble, I said, mocking him to excuse my lack of attention. 

\- Always so charming, he smiled at me. I asked you if you wanted to join an after-ball in the Room of requirement. 

\- I see no logical objection on that matter, I smiled at him. 

\- I don’t know, maybe you should ditch us so you two could take some alone time, James said, winking at me, his eyes clearly having spotted our tied hands. 

At that moment, as I was completely shying out of this, and pulling my hand from Sirius’, the band came back on stage. Lily, as ever so able to read me and knowing I wanted to disappear from the awkwardness, got up and came to me. 

\- Let’s go back, girls! She exclaimed loudly to me, Mary and Marlene. 

She took me by the arm and led me towards the dance floor. As soon as we were out of earshot from the boys, she smiled at me. 

\- Sooooo... How are things, Dorcas? She winked at me. 

\- Hm. I would say they’re good, I managed, still blushing. 

\- Did I miss something? Marlene asked, taking my other arm. 

\- Nothing grand... Just... Some holding hands, I said. 

\- Cute! Mary commented. 

\- A galleon that they snog tonight, Lily said. 

\- Red?! I replied. 

\- Well, that doesn’t sound like a good investment to take that bet against you, I would say, so, no, Mary laughed. 

\- Well, I will bet against you, I winked at Lily. 

\- What? Not fair, you’re the one involved! She said. And I don’t want you two to NOT snog tonight, so, wager’s cancelled. 

\- Did you know I made a wager with Remus the night of you and James’ first kiss? I asked Lily. 

\- Of course, I knew, why do you think I suggested a wager in the first place? Payback time, she pinched me. 

\- OW! I complained, As we elbowed our way back to the first row in front of the band. 

*** 

_Sirius_

I looked at her disappearing in the crowd, surrounded by her friends. Then, I took back my glass, where she left a lipstick stain on the rim where she drank. Seeing that, I rolled my eyes and took a sip from the other side of the glass.... As I put it back on the table, I raised my head to look at my friends, only to see that they were all staring at me. 

\- What? I asked, frowning. 

\- I don’t know, pal, I guess we’re waiting for you to tell us how things are, Peter said, smirking. 

\- And when did you lot turned unto girls? I asked them, rolling my eyes. 

\- Don’t change the subject, mate, James frowned at me. 

\- Well... I don’t know, actually, I sincerely said. 

\- You can’t be serious, Pads, James said. 

\- She’s not like the others, I began. 

\- Of course, she’s not, Remus said, looking at his drink. 

\- If she was, you wouldn’t like her, Peter added. 

\- I know, I know, what I mean, by that, if you fools would’ve let me finish, is that I don’t know how to deal with her, how fast I should thread the steps and all... I said. 

\- How would you deal with any other girl? Remus asked me, looking up from his glass. 

\- Exactly my problem, I wouldn’t think about it, I would just act as I please, not giving a flying fuck as if it would work or not. That’s the problem, you see. For once, I want this to work, I said. 

\- You’re complicating things for nothing, mate, she’s like all the others, head over heels for you, Peter said, sounding a little resentful at me for that fact. 

\- No, she’s not, I frowned at him. 

She wasn’t. I knew that she wasn’t oblivious to my charm. I know it makes me sound pretentious. But, years and years of girls flirting with me kind of confirmed to me that I somewhat have something they found attractive. I never really cared about that, never used it that much, before. Now, I wanted it to work on Meadowes so bad... And it does, I think, I achieve to make her blush from time to time... But, there’s a big difference between physical attraction and to really like someone. I really like her. Does she like me, though? I felt like a lame 14 years-old stupid romantic girl. I would kick myself in the guts right now. 

\- If you would be certain that she did, what would you do? James asked me, getting me out of my imaginary fight with myself. 

\- I don’t know, I guess I would cut the crap and go over there and kiss her already, I said, feeling stupid. 

\- Fine, then. Go, because she does, James said. 

\- Yeah, right, you just want me to make a fool of myself in front of the entire school when she would slap my sorry face, I laughed, while looking at the shape of her lips immortalized on my glass. 

\- Sirius, mate, I swear on my dad, Meadowes likes you VERY MUCH, James replied. 

I looked at him, frowning. James was like a brother to me. If he swears something to me, especially using old Fleamont’s name on it, it's because he’s telling the truth. I blinked in surprise. 

\- And why again is it that you’re still here? James smirked at me. 

He’s mocking and challenging me, isn’t he? I downed my drink in one shot, put it back on the table, and got up... 

*** 

_Dorcas_

I was jumping at a particularly rhythmic song, shouting the lyrics. It was hard to completely immerse myself in the music and dancing. My thoughts were often drifting to Sirius’ fingers, running lightly over mine, or intertwined with mine... I wondered if he would do it again, I wished that he would... The song finished and was replaced by a ballad, so we took that opportunity to take a break and just relax a little after the craziness of the last song. As I was still huffing a little, I felt a small pat on my right shoulder. If it still was that fourth-year annoying girl who was still resenting me for passing her to be in first row I swear... I turned on my heel, to see who it was. It wasn’t the petite brunette I thought it would be. It was Sirius. 

\- Don’t tell me you became a big fan? I smirked at him. 

\- Meadowes, I appreciate your wit, I do, but, for once, just shut up... He said. 

I frowned in incomprehension, but before I had the time to snap at him that he would certainly not decide if I would speak or not, his hands were on my mask, bringing it up from my face to put it over my head, and before I could understand what was going on, his lips were crushing mine. I mean it, it literally happened that fast. his hands, releasing my mask, came down to frame my face to hold it in place while he was kissing me... He was kissing me. He was kissing me? Was he kissing me? Since obviously, I was a very dumb person, it took me a couple of seconds to caught up on the fact that he was actually truly kissing me. But when I did, I reacted pretty quick. Like I did the last time, that unforgettable night of my birthday party, desperate to hold on to him like holding on to dear life, my hand took hold of his black dress robes and I pulled on it, to be very sure that there would be no lost space between us. I heard him groan as my hand ran through his dark hair. I took advantage of that groan to slide my tongue in his mouth, getting very eager. I mean, didn’t I waited for that moment to happen enough? I also thought for a while that it would never happen again, so I was pretty much making the best of it, in case it would be the last. But, he did come here, in the middle of the Immortal’s show to kiss me in front of everyone, so maybe it wouldn’t be. Oh. We’re actually in the middle of half the school... My mind resurfaced, and I did hear some cat calling and whistling... My hand released his robes, as the other let go of his hair, and I reluctantly moved my head back to look around. My friends were beaming at us, Mary excitedly clapping her hands. I looked back at Sirius, who was facing me with a crooked smile. 

\- Hm. Hi? I very stupidly said. 

\- Hi, he answered me. See you later? He asked. 

\- Heum. Yeah. See you later, I numbly replied. 

And, just like that, he turned around and disappeared in the crowd... My friends were surrounding me a second later. 

\- Heum. What just happened? I asked them. 

\- Black came, snogged you, then left, Marlene said with a smirk. 

\- So, you’re telling me that I didn’t imagined it? I asked. 

\- Nope, I think that the entire school can confirmed to you that it happened, Mary laughed. 

\- And, I guess you owe me a galleon, do you not? Lily teased me. 

\- Wh...? We didn’t wager! I replied. 

\- I know, silly, I was just trying to make you come back down on earth, you looked like you needed a slap in the face or something, she laughed at me. 

\- I did, right? I smiled at her. 

\- Yup, it’s fine, love, I’m very happy for you that it happened, she hugged me. 

\- You mean FINALLY? Marlene said. I thought it would never! 

I turned to look at the music band, clearly unable to remember something else that I could feel excited about beside Sirius Black. 

\- Go, leave, Dore, Lily said in my ear. You could always join us in our GQ later, if you feel like it, she added. 

I nodded, then turned on my heels and made my way out of the crowd. As I was nearing our table, I saw that Sirius wasn’t there. I felt disappointment downing on me. Where was he? What will I do, now? I could go back to my friends, or, I guess I could maybe go change and meet him with the others in our GQ later... I turned towards the Great Hall entrance and to my relief (and, I must add, a bit of panic), here he was, standing near the door, looking at me. Not tearing my gaze from his, I took my wand off my dress and pointed it vaguely towards our table, reciting Accio shoes. Even if my head was spinning very fast (and this time, not because of alcohol), and that my heart was presumably trying to beat his way out of my chest, I somehow was able to think that Marlene would literally kill me if I was to forgot her shoes down here. Also, I couldn't just go around this freezing cold castle barefoot… I tore my gaze from Sirius as I turned in time to catch the shoes on their way to me, put them back on, cursing in a low voice about the fact that my feet were aching because of them, then made my way to join Sirius at the entrance. 

\- What are you doing here? I asked him. 

\- Waiting for you, I guess. And what are you doing here? He repeated my question with a crooked smile. 

\- Searching for you, I guess, I smirked, repeating after him too. 

\- I thought you were having the time of your life, back there, he said, pointing the dance floor with his chin. 

\- I was. But it was before you came and ruined it for me, I smirked. 

\- I ruined it, then? Strange, I thought you’d like the interruption... 

\- You’re so full of yourself, I smiled. I never said that I didn’t appreciate the « interruption » as you call it. I said you ruined my enjoyment of the music... 

\- So, you appreciated, then, he said, his face getting closer to mine as he speaks, our noses brushing a little, giving me shivers. 

\- I did. How about you? I asked, feeling his breath on my mouth, as he was leaning closer. 

\- I... 

He raised his head over my shoulder and looked at something in my back. He drew back a little. 

\- I think we should continue that very interesting conversation elsewhere, he said, pointing something with his chin. 

I turned to see what he was pointing, and saw McGonagall arms crossed, looking at us. She seemed to be on the verge of walking to scold us, but I then noticed that Dumbledore was standing next to her, and he put his hand on her shoulder, to prevent her to. He winked at us, and we didn’t wait and seized the opportunity to ran from our rigid head of house. Sirius took my hand as soon as we were out of the Great Hall and pulled me towards the stairs, hurriedly. 

\- And where exactly are you taking me? I asked him. 

\- I don’t know, I’m improvising, he replied, smiling at me. 

\- Can we make a detour by Gryffindor’s tower? I would like to take off that dress pretty much, I said. 

\- Hm. I like that idea, you out of that dress, he smirked. 

\- I didn't mean it that way, I said, shaking my head. 

\- I’m just being completely honest, here, he said, still smirking. I KNOW you didn’t mean it that way... He added. 

As he was looking at me, as we were reaching the top of the third staircase, I sensed that I was flushed. He made a halt and pulled on my hand, making me come closer to him. His hand let go of mine to climb up my arms, trail over my shoulder. Then, I felt his fingers caressing my neck and I sensed that he took my silver chain between his fingers. He pulled on it and I felt it leave my breast to go up until he took it in hand. 

\- I thought after... I thought you got rid of it, he said. 

\- Lily knew better than to throw it away, she kept it for a while and gave it back... I said, a little ashamed that I even thought about getting rid of it, even if I was mad at him at the time. His gaze was too intense, I lowered mine. 

\- Remember me to thank Evans for that, then, he said, and I felt the Fury return in my cleavage and his fingers took my chin and raised it for me to look back at him. 

Our eyes locked once again, and he leaned in to kiss me, but before he could, we heard people coming up the stairs. He lets out a whispered curse before he took back my hand and led the way upstairs. We arrived in a cramped Common Room, clearly everyone who weren’t allowed at the ball decided to make some sort of rejection party on the side. It was loud (yeah because, you know, annoying younger students) and it was messy. I let go of Sirius to go up to my dorm to get out of the magnificent-but–oh-so-impractical dress. I removed my mask, who was somewhat tangled in my hair. By doing so, I achieve to completely destroy Lene’s work of art on my head. I groaned on that fact, looking in the mirror. Great. I’m going to meet Sirius looking like a freshly-out-of-bed hag. I sighed, then took off the dress, actually that took quite a while. Just to get the damned zipper to unzip was an amazing acrobatic effort, especially for someone distracted and tipsy like I was at the moment. After what looked like a hundred years (no, I’m not at all over-dramatic and exaggerating), I put on a pair of jeans and a white blouse. I looked at it, then undid another button to show a little more cleavage. Than changed my mind and refastened it. Then, rolling my eyes at my ambivalence, undid it again. 

I returned in front of the mirror to look back at my hair. Well, there’s no other way around it, I’ll need to set fire to the thing... I took a big inspiration, then expire, then calm down a little and took off all of the bobbins instead. Once it was done, I found out that they were still quite wild. I cursed all the way to the bathroom, telling myself that never again I would get my hair done (I know, I’m being a big baby right now, but may I remind you that a totally hot person was waiting for me at the moment? I’m allowed to be a nervous wreck, am I not?). I wet my hair in the sink and managed to detangle it, then used my wand to dry it. THERE, FINALLY, it was looking fine. My make-up, thanks to Marlene’s spell was still pretty much undamaged. I pondered for a minute about taking it off, because I was looking like casual me, but with a celebrity going to a gala look on my face. Bah, never mind, I didn’t want to make the effort to remove it. I took a big breath, trying to calm down my nerves, and got out of the dorm. 


	28. Chapter 28: Of Snogs and Firsts

I woke up hearing one of my roommates rummaging through something. I was about to groan like I usually did, especially that morning, when I felt like I was tear away from some very agreeable dream. Hm. Images of me and Sirius snogging were passing through my mind, as I was closing back my eyelids to enjoy this vision some more... Wait a minute...? I opened my eyes at once. I didn’t dream that, did I? Those most pleasant moments were souvenirs, not dreams...! I sat up in bed briskly. 

\- Morning, sunshine! I heard Marlene call after me. 

\- Morning? I said, still confused. 

I turned to her, she was the one making all that noise, apparently searching her suitcase for something. Mary was still sound asleep in her bed behind Marlene. 

\- What are you looking for? I asked her, mi-intrigued mi-annoyed. 

\- My damn shampoo! I really can’t find it! She groaned. I wanted to take my shower before you two get up, she added, referring to Mary and me. 

\- It’s in Red’s suitcase, she took it yesterday, I said, turning to Lily’s bed. 

The bed was empty, with her dress still on it, where she must’ve drop it when she came back here to change clothes last night... 

\- Yes, she slept out, Marlene commented with a smirk, while going to find her shampoo in Lily’s things. 

Lily slept out meaning... I guess meaning... That she and James most likely slept together last night... 

\- But... Let’s hear about your night, Dore, what happened between the ball and the GQ’s reunion? Marlene asked me, while coming and seating on my bed. 

\- It is somewhat a blur, I answered honestly. Let me take that, I said, taking James’ potion and gulping it while pinching my nose in disgust. Aaaaand... I need a shower, you mind? I asked, knowing that she would be against it. I promise to tell you all about it after! I sneakily added. 

\- Aaaaarrffff... I DO, but fine, go on, I’ll wait, AS USUAL. I’m too good for you ungrateful spoiled brats...! She pouted. 

\- Thank youuuuu love!!! I said, hugging her, before I ran to the bathroom. 

\- You’ll owe me! I heard her say behind me. 

\- I know! I replied. 

I took off my clothes and stepped into the shower. I was already feeling way better, my headache practically gone, my head lighter, my memories coming back... 

*** 

_Dorcas_

_After the Samhain’s ball_

I was going down the stairs, looking down to try and spot him throughout the mess going on in the Common room. I saw him, his back to me, talking with Riley, the keeper of our team at Quidditch. I was arriving in his back and I got nervous once again. How will he act around me? And how should I act around him? 

\- Hey, Dorcas, Riley greeted me before I managed the courage to nudge Sirius. 

\- Hi, I answered him, as Sirius was turning to me. 

\- It was awfully long, Meadowes, he greeted me with a smirk. 

\- You have no idea, there nearly was a fire up there, I said, smiling. 

\- Come, he said to me. See you, Davies! Sirius told him before he pushed me toward the door. 

We exited the Common Room as our friends were arriving to it. Great. Yet another interruption...! 

\- Hey! James called us. 

\- The party’s over? I asked them. 

\- Nope, but we wanted to get out of these, Marlene said, pointing her dress, and begin our after-ball festivities! She added enthusiastically. You guys coming, right? 

\- Of course, meet you there, said Sirius, taking my hand and pulling me away from them. 

\- Later! I told them, grinning, as I was quickly pulled away from them. 

\- Do you think we’ll ever be able to have some time alone? He asked me, shaking his head while smiling. 

\- This is freakin’ ridiculous, I laughed with him. 

He pulled me toward the stairs and on the sixth floor. He magically unlocked the Ancient runes’ classroom, pulled me in and closed the door behind us. 

\- Is that it? Are we truly alone? He asked me with a smile. 

\- I would say that we are, I replied, gulping a little from expectation. 

He took my face and finally kissed me, while pushing me gently until my back was on the door. That reminded me about that awful night when all went wrong... But tonight, nothing was wrong. It was like every piece clicked unto place all at once. It felt awfully... Right. I closed my eyes and folded my arms behind his neck, revelling in the kiss. His hands released my face, ran down my neck, my shoulders, my arms, and stopped on my hips. I felt his fingers playing with the hem of my t-shirt a little, then his cold fingers ran gently on my skin. I felt his lips leave mine, so I reopened my eyes. 

\- Hmm. He said. I’ve been thinking about doing this for a while now... He whispered in my ears. 

\- Did you, now? I smirked at him. Then why wait this long? I asked. 

\- Well, you know, he said, trailing kisses down my jaw to my neck. Because of Remus, then because I wasn’t even sure that you wanted me to... 

\- And what changed, tonight? I giggled as he was on a particularly ticklish spot of my neck. 

\- James told me that you like me, he said, coming back to my lips. 

\- He what? I asked, offended by James' treachery. 

\- Don’t be mad at him, he just told me that you were interested, because I thought that you weren’t, and that was preventing me to try and make a move on you... 

\- Hm. When you put it in that angle, I cannot disagree, I said, kissing him back. 

\- So, is it true, then? You like me? He asked. 

\- Are you a silly thirteen years old’s teenager? I smiled. 

\- I often feel like it recently indeed, he laughed. I do, though, you know... 

\- Like me? I finished for him, crossing my arms. 

\- Yup, surprisingly enough, under all the sassiness... 

\- And the sometimes-moronic recklessness, I added, laughing. 

\- Oh no, that I like very much, he kissed me another time. 

\- Of course, you’re even worse than I am, I grinned. 

\- Indeed, we could do great things if we associate, he laughed. 

\- Yeah, like dying stupidly, I rolled my eyes. 

\- That would be a big underestimation of our talents, he winked at me. So, you never answered my question? Was James bullshitting me or what? 

\- I... I hesitated. 

\- You’re still not trusting me, am I right? he said, looking me intensely in the eyes. 

\- I don’t know... I said honestly. 

\- I was a jerk, that night, wasn’t I? But thing is, I was pissed. That isn’t an excuse, I know it, but I want you to know that I already was desperate to be with you, that night. 

\- Yeah, as a distraction... I whispered. 

\- That night, maybe, yes, because I was a selfish pissed-off... He began, passing his hand in his hair. But I want this... Us... Merlin am I bad at this... I was lying. I do want more from you, he finished, making me frown even more. 

\- Don’t say things like that if you don’t mean them, I said, not wanting to hope and risk being disappointed once more. 

\- I do mean them. You have no idea, do you? He said. You’re kind of freaking haunting me day and night, he said, making my eyes pop wide open from the surprise. 

\- What? 

\- It’s a first, for me. To be that obsessed with a girl, he said. I need you close, Meadowes... Dorcas... He said, shaking his head to try to use my surname for once. Merlin, I sound stupid and lame, can you PLEASE take me out of my misery and not let me say anything more? 

\- Hum. Interesting, I said, you mean that if I don’t cut you, you’ll say more nice things to me? Why on earth would I want you to stop then? I smiled at him. 

\- I thought that you didn’t like the romantic crap? He smiled back. 

\- Oh, I never said that. I hate public demonstrations, not romantism, I said. How thick are you? I read love novels and all! I laughed at him. 

\- Allright then, let’s say this and be done with it, then, do we try it? The boyfriend-girlfriend's crap? 

-Well, that wasn’t that romantic when you put it like that, I laughed, trying to stay casual while my heart was beating faster and faster. 

Was he really ASKING THIS? 

\- Don’t change the subject, yay or nay? He nudged me. 

\- You mean... An actual relationship? 

\- I guess, yeah? If you want to, He added, a smirk appearing on his face. 

\- You, who've never been involved for more than a week with a girl? I smirked back. 

\- Wait, are we not allowed to see other people in our relationship? He asked, playing dumb. 

\- I don’t know, I guess I could always continue to see Freddie, he’s a good kisser... I said pensively. 

\- Oh hell no, you’re not kissing that tosser ever again! He exclaimed, pulling me to kiss me. 

Why on earth would I ever again want someone else to kiss me, that right now was the best marvelous feeling I got in my entire life... 

\- Hm. Allright, then, I guess that means that we would be boring monogamous? I smirked. 

\- Do you think we’ll last longer than my previous relationships? He asked, not seriously. 

\- Oh, I don’t think so, I’ll get tired of you way before that, I said, laughing. 

\- Does it mean that you’re in, then? He nudged me. 

\- Yeah, why not, I shrugged, hiding the fireworks exploding inside me and keeping my cool. 

\- I will suck at it, though, I must warn you, he said. 

\- Oh I know you will, I don’t have high expectations, I grinned at him. 

\- Let me show you something I’m good at, though, he said, resuming the snogging. 

\- Well, I must agree, I said, out of breath after a minute. But, it’s just normal, considering all the practice you’ve got over the years, I winked at him. 

\- Are you calling me a man whore? He raised an eyebrow at me. 

\- Pretty much, I grinned. But, it’s not that bad, nothing we can’t take care of by boiling you for a little while... I added. 

\- You’re wrong, though. All that practice was intended to perfect my method for when I would get to you, he winked at me, kissing me back. 

\- That sounded so douchy, I laughed. For a minute there, I could have mistaken you for James! 

\- Outch, burn! He laughed. And yet, you like me, don’t you? He asked again, with his crooked smile. 

\- Of course, I like you, moron, I said, looking him in the eyes. 

He kissed me back fervently, taking me in his arms and hugging me very tightly, nearly crushing my bones in the process. 

\- Well, you'll have to find better nicknames than that, moron isn't a very romantic one, he falsely pouted. 

\- I'll think about it I promised with a smirk. 

\- Well, I hate to be that person, but should we go join the others? He asked. 

\- The hell with them, I laughed, kissing him some more. 

But after a little while, I released him. 

\- Let’s go, then, I said, opening the door. 

Because of the ball still going on, there was not that much surveillance in the corridors that night, making us not nervous to roam them freely. We got back up a floor and arrived in front of the Room of requirement. The door opened for us moments later, to the sound of our laughing friends. 

\- Hey, look who’s finally honouring us by their presence, James greeted us with a smile. 

\- Consider yourself blessed, I winked at him. 

Sirius went to take the empty spot next to James, on the couch. I was wondering where to sit, when I saw him looking at me and holding out his hand to me, inviting me to come and sit with him. Sensing myself blushing crimson, I walked to him and took his hand. He pulled me to sit on his lap, encircling my waist with one of his arms. I looked up at my friends, all silently looking at our new proximity. 

\- Guys, don’t make this awkward, Sirius laughed at them. Can someone offer us a drink, you have some left? He asked, turning to James. 

\- You know damn well that I made an astronomic amount of it, James laughed, pointing his wand toward a glass, filling it with the marvelous cocktail, then giving it to me, as the others were returning to their conversations. 

\- Looking good, you two together, James said, giving a glass to his best friend. 

\- Please, don’t get all emotional on me, Sirius laughed. 

\- I’m certainly allowed to be very happy that two of my best friends got together, am I not? James retorted. 

\- Since when am I one of your best friends? I nudged him. 

\- For an obscure reason, I got pretty fond of you, Meadowes, James smiled at me. 

\- And for an even more obscure reason, I feel the same, I winked at him. 

\- So, what a surprise, you bunch of fools weren’t pretending after all, Lily rolled her eyes. 

\- Oh, I still doesn’t like you that much, in my case, Sirius said, winking at her. 

\- I love you too, Sirius Black, she winked back at him. And know that if you harm my best friend in any way, I’ll cut your balls with my herbology’s cutters... 

*** 

_Lily_

\- I’ll consider myself warned, then, Sirius laughed at my menace. 

I looked at my best friend one more time. Dorcas’ cheeks were flushed, while her left hand (the one that wasn’t holding her drink) was intertwined with Sirius’. She was, as usual, teasing my boyfriend, but she was not giving it her best, clearly thinking dreamily about something else. I couldn’t wait for her to tell me all about it later. Or... Tomorrow? I kind of already had plans for tonight... 

I didn’t tell James about it since it was my idea to begin with. And, I kinda wanted to make this a surprise. I think that we waited enough. I was feeling ready. It felt like tonight was the night. The only thing I did tell James was to not drink that much. He asked me why and I just said that it would be worth it. He must know, I mean, he’s not dumb. Not at all, even if he likes playing dumb often. He didn’t drink much indeed. Me neither. Also, it was funny to be more lucid than the others, for once. They were acting ridiculous. Laughing too hard, saying things they would never say if they were sober. I was enjoying this a little too much at their expense, I must say. 

I took a small sip from my drink and looked away from Dorcas to look at Sirius. He took his time all right. James told me that he fancied Dorcas from looooonnng ago. We’re speaking about something like a year or so, and in a teenager's life, especially a popular one like Sirius, it was like a lifetime. He always was reluctant to tell me about Sirius (and Merlin knows that since we’re dating, I asked him often about the dude). Until lately, that is, right after Dorcas made the mistake to tell him that she was in love with Sirius. Then, the den broke open and James told me a lot about it. He said how a mess it was, because of Rem’s feelings for Dorcas... 

I also talked to Remus about it. When we were studying together. He told me that he was pissed at the situation, but he was even more pissed at his friends for always trying to protect him like he was so in need of them preventing him to suffer or something. He was in love with Dorcas all right. But he was no fool, she was not returning the sentiment, and she was in love with Sirius. End of story, he said to me, irritated. And he’s hooking up with Marlene these days. I don’t know how that was going for them. Dorcas is clearly happy about it, but I don’t think she sees how it really is. Remus doesn’t look like he wanted more (for the moment, as Marlene told me), and Marlene clearly was in for a crushed heart if it was to go nowhere, as my gut tells me it’s going... 

\- … so, guys, to win this game Sunday is a life or death situation, I heard James say. 

\- Isn’t it always? Sirius sighed. 

\- He’s right, though, if Hufflepuff beats us, we’ll be last, can you imagine? Dorcas said. 

\- That is inconceivable. It’s our last year, we must AT LEAST make it to the top two, James replied. 

\- Since when can you settle for second place? Dorcas asked him. 

\- Since you bloody bastards let me down against Slytherin!!! He whined. 

\- True, we did, Dorcas said, looking contrite. 

\- It wasn't our fault, mate, don't be an ass, Sirius nudged him. 

\- I knooooww, okay? But, nonetheless, we're near to fucked, James sighed. 

\- You blokes take that wayyy to seriously, it's just a game, said Remus. 

\- Did someone catch that? Pete asked, I didn't hear because it was UNBELIEVINGLY SACRILEGE!!! 

\- Guys... Remus began. 

\- Get out of here, HERETIC!!! Sirius shouted, throwing a cushion his way. 

\- I just meant that... Remus tried again. 

\- Let’s BURN HIM ON A STAKE! Mary shouted. 

\- Someone please GAG HIM!!! Dorcas added, laughing hard. 

\- Bunch of fools! Remus dropped it finally, laughing with us. Why on earth am I friend with you, again? 

\- Because who else would endure all your OCD's if not us??? James laughed. 

\- I repeat, being organized is no mental disease!!! Remus defended himself. 

\- You fold your knickers, Moony, that is clearly no normal behavior, Sirius mocked him. 

Remus blushed and pouted, as we all laughed a little to his expense. They continued to banter for a while before everyone left gradually. 

\- You coming with? Sirius asked us, the way’s clear, he said, looking at their map. 

We got out with them, but once in the corridor, I took James’ sleeve to make him stop on his way to following them. 

\- Just go ahead, guys, we’ll catch up, I said, looking up at James, who was frowning at me. 

As they were turning the corner at the end of the corridor, I let go of my boyfriend’s sleeve and I paced in front of the room three times. 

\- Lils? What are you doing? James asked me. 

\- See by yourself, I said, as the door appeared before us. 

Still frowning cluelessly, he opened the door and we got in. It was perfect. Just as I imagined it. 

\- Lily, is this... my room??? James asked me in awe, as we indeed entered a replica of his home’s bedroom. 

I slept in that room once, without him, I must say. And I dreamt about sleeping in that room with him ever since. The big four-posted bed, with ebony wood and dark red comforter and curtains... In front of plush chairs and a big fireplace, the fire crackling in it... This was as romantic as it was in my head while I was daydreaming about it all week. 

\- Something like it, yes, I whispered to him. 

\- That’s weird, he said, smiling at me. 

\- Is it? I said. 

I turned my back on him and walked to the bed. 

\- I mean, I began, unfastening my cardigan, did you ever picture me in this bed? I asked, shrugging off of it. 

\- Lils? What are you... He said, his eyes locked on me. 

\- Did you ever picture me, naked, in this bed? I continued, taking off my tank top. 

His eyes lingered on my white laced bra, and he took a step closer to me. 

\- Lily, are you sure? Because Merlin help me, I will lose it... He said, taking another step closer. 

\- Do I look like I’m hesitating? I asked, taking off my pants and kicking them out of my way, before I came to sit on the bed. 

James’ right hand came to his hair, ruffling it by habit, as he was looking at me from head to toes. 

\- So? Are you undressing or what? I smirked at him. 

He looked back at my face, his features passing from a little panicked to his more normal confident-charming-self. He smirked back at me, before he took off his shirt and join me with a groan. 

*** 

_Dorcas_

\- Okay, out, you, my turn!!! And don’t bother turning the water off! I heard Marlene shout at me from outside the shower. I sighed, being took out from my marvelous reminiscence from yesterday, and opened the curtain. 

Marlene was there, holding me my towel, and as soon as I stepped out, she stepped in. 

\- Raaaaaahhhhh.... Finallyyyyyy!!! She moaned pleasantly when she got in. 

\- Merlin, no need to orgasm, Lene, I laughed. 

\- Hm good idea, an orgasm, nothing better to start the day... You better get out, Dorcas, she said. 

\- Eeeeewww!!! I said, running out of the bathroom, laughing. 

\- What is it? Mary asked, seeing me burst in the dorm. 

\- She’s too much attached to that damn telephone shower, I explained. 

\- Women’s best friend, Mary laughed. 

I rolled my eyes at her, before searching for my clothes and hairbrush. I wasn’t really disagreeing with her, I was just not as open on the subject as they were. I was brushing my wet hair, all dressed up (I chose a normal blue jean and a cream-white jumper) when Lily entered the room. She was wearing the same clothes that she had yesterday, and she looked a little... Dishevelled. 

\- Mooorning? I greeted her with a smirk. 

\- Morning, she replied, blushing a little, before going to sit on her bed, in between mine and Mary’s. 

\- Sooooo... Big night? Mary asked her with a just-awake hoarse voice. 

\- We could... Say that... Lily smiled shyly. 

We just stared at her, waiting for her to go on. 

\- What? She innocently asked. 

\- What? You’re kidding, right? We’re waiting for the telling of that story! Mary said, as I nodded approvingly. 

At that instant, Marlene’s head popped from the bathroom’s door. 

\- You bitches better wait for me to join you before she spills the beans!!! She menaced us with a grin. 

A minute later, she went out of there, wearing a dressing gown and a towel around her head. 

\- All right, all ready, shoot! She said, sitting herself next to me on my bed. 

\- Well... As you surely can imagine, we... did it... Last night, Lily began, with a small dreamy smile. 

\- And? How was it? I asked her, too eager to know, being myself still innocent in that area. 

\- It was... Nice... Fun? Awkward sometimes? She said. 

\- Did it hurt? Mary asked. 

\- A little? But not as much as I feared... And... It grows pleasant pretty fast, she said, blushing. 

\- How was he? Marlene asked. 

\- Cute. As nervous as I was, Lily smiled fondly. 

\- James wasn’t... A virgin, was he? Marlene asked, frowning incredulously. 

\- Can you believe he actually was? Lily laughed. I know he’s popular and all, but... 

\- He never was really interested in anyone but you, Mary finished dreamily. This is so romantic! 

\- Something like that... For sure, he snogged, and groped, and more, Lily rolled her eyes. Quite a good sample of girls, Lily grinned, but no, he never... He said that he always hoped that... It would be with me. 

\- And, where were you? I asked, before comprehension downed on me. You used the GQ, didn’t you? 

\- Yeah, I transformed it into something looking close to James’ room, she smiled. 

\- Oh great idea, Marlene said. I feel stupid now, hiding in dusty classrooms and broom cupboards with Remus... So, let’s get to the interesting part, how does James look naked? 

\- Please, I don’t want to know!!! I said, laughing. 

\- Hmmm, answered Lily. I’ll never get tired of him naked, I think, she smiled. 

I made a gagging noise. 

\- And what about you, Dore? Mary asked. You and Sirius were pretty cute together last night! 

\- I’m not sure, I feel like I dreamt part of it, but I think he MAY have suggested to be my boyfriend? I said. 

\- He WHAT? Marlene said, outraged. Well, good, I’m shagging Remus for weeks now and there’s not even the shadow of some sort of commitment in the horizon... And the renowned-commitment-repulsed Sirius Black wants to be in a relationship? 

\- Heum... Sorry to hear that about you and Remus... I replied clumsily. 

\- It’s fine, I mean, I’m happy for you, Dore, I am, but... I’m already under the impression that I’m working on something useless because Remus is still worshiping the ground you walk on... Even if you’re clearly not available... I... Hmpf. I’m sorry, I just need... She finished, her eyes turning to the ceiling, as if she was trying not to cry.

She got up, and went back to the bathroom, slamming the door a little in our faces. 

\- She’s mad at me, isn’t she? I sighed. 

\- I don’t think it’s intentional, hon... Lily tried to comfort me. 

\- I’ll go talk to her, Mary said, getting up. 

\- I’ll go downstairs... I whispered. 

\- It’s okay if I join you later? Lily asked. I need to shower... She said, looking at the still closed door, as Mary was gently knocking and asking Lene to let her in. I think I’ll use the Prefect’s bathroom, she added, getting up to rummage through her stuff. 

\- Yeah... No problem... I replied. 

I quickly dried my hair and got out of the dorm. I went down the stairs caught up in my thoughts. I wonder if I was sad or pissed about that situation. It certainly wasn’t my fault if Remus was still... But, on the other side, Marlene deserves someone fully committed... Yet, you could call it a little bit karma for all the times SHE broke someone’s heart in the past years... I shook my head in disgust. I won’t think things like that concerning Marlene. She was one of my best friends, and my role was to suffer with her, nothing else... But... She was pissed at me, wasn’t she? And selfish prat me was finding it difficult not to be a little irritated that she kind of peed on my sunshine... I mean, something nice was happening to me, right? Did I deserved my moment to be ruined? I don’t know. I was really confused at the moment... I was opening the portrait realising I didn’t even remember getting all the way there in the first place. 

\- Hey, snobby? 

I turned around at the sound of Sirius’ voice. He was getting up from the couch and coming my way. 

\- Hm? I dumbly said. 

\- I was waiting for you and you just never saw me, he smiled his crooked smile. 

\- Oh. Sorry... I was lost in thoughts... I explained. 

\- Everything’s all right Meadowes? He asked me, frowning. 

My facial expression must’ve been as gloomy as my thoughts were, I guessed. 

\- Heum. Yeah. I guess. I don’t know, I shrugged, getting out of the Common Room, as he was following me. 

He caught my hand and pulled me to face him. 

\- What is it? He asked me, his eyes piercing through mine. 

\- Nothing, just some... sort of... misunderstanding with my roommate, I said. 

\- Oh. So... That doesn’t concern... Us? He asked. 

\- No, no, no... No, that doesn’t, I said, getting out of my gloomy mood remembering in front of whom I was. 

\- Great, he said, looking awfully relieved. 

\- Since when Sirius Black got that insecure? I asked, a smirk forming in my face. 

\- I’m not INSECURE, don’t get your knickers in a knot, he laughed, as we headed to the stairs. 

\- Riiiight, I mocked him. And just so you know, I hate it, I added. 

\- You hate what now? He asked, raising an eyebrow at me. 

\- Snobby, this is a horrible nickname, I said. 

\- Oh? And here I thought that it suited you well, he grinned. 

\- If you call me snobby, I’ll call you Prick, I retorted. 

\- Hm. I see your point, now, he said, faking to be in deep thoughts. 

We banter all the way downstairs, and it lighten my mood a lot. I was a little insecure myself about what would it be, between us, from now on. As much as I was mad about him, I kind of didn’t want our relation to change that much. I love our friendship’s dynamic and I didn’t want to lose any of it for something too cheesy... But, I was nonetheless ready to get cheesier, for the not-insignificant advantage of snogging him all I want. I was more than happy to maybe be able to have both... 

We arrived in the Great Hall to see that Remus and Pete were already eating breakfast. 

\- Morning! I told them, smiling, before sitting next to Sirius. 

They nodded with a smile, seeing that their mouths were full at the moment. I looked at Remus, wondering about his true intentions concerning Marlene... 

\- … So, what do you think? Pete said, and I realised that he was looking at me. 

\- Sorry, didn’t get that, I admitted. 

\- I was wondering if you would team up with me for the Herbology’s assignment? You know how I desperately suck at it. I really need better grades, and I know you’re in the top of class... He awkwardly said. 

\- Right, well, yeah, sure, no problem, let’s team up! I agreed with a smile. 

I usually team up with Lils, but I understood Peter’s desperate need for help. He was not doing good in that subject and I would be happy to help. Also, I saw that as a good occasion to spend time with him, the marauder I know the least...The assignment consisted in choosing one within a wide choice of magical plants growing on the grounds of Hogwarts and studying it to make an extensive presentation in front of class in a couple of weeks. We were to pair up because of the heavy workload. I felt Sirius’ fingers intertwining with mine at that moment and I momentarily lost my train of thoughts... 

\- Did you have an idea for the choice of subject? Peter pulled me out of my daydream once more. 

\- I thought about Devil’s snare, I said. I heard Hagrid told McGonagall that there was an infestation of it on the verge of the Forbidden Forest the other day. I went to Sprout already, and she gave me special permission to venture there to look for it. Because it’s at the edge of the forest, and not deep inside it, I shrugged. 

\- Devil’s snare? That doesn’t sound like a cute little specimen of plant, does it? Peter asked. 

\- Cute little specimens are boring, Peter! I laughed. 

\- As well as inoffensive, he replied. 

\- Where’s the fun in that? I teased him. 

\- That’s my girl, Sirius grinned at me, making my inside melt a little at the utilisation of ‘’my girl’’. 

\- Right, quite a pair of reckless fools indeed, Peter laughed. But, explain, what is a Devil’s snare exactly? He asked. 

\- They’re fascinating, really. That plant can strangle you to death in no time, I grinned at him, but seeing that he seemed very worried, I felt the need to add something. Don't worry, Pete, all we need is some light or fire, they hate it, we’ll be safe. You’ll see, Devil’s snare will fascinate you too before long, I finished. 

\- Devil’s snare, you talking about the Herbology’s assignment? I heard Lily say, as she arrived next to Peter. 

\- Yeah, Pete is teaming up with me on this, I winked at him, as he was gulping and probably already regretting his choice of partner. 

\- Oh, come on, Pete, you hang out with a freakin’ werewolf once a month, I whispered to them, surely you can handle some sneaky bitch magical plant? I grinned at him. 

I saw Remus’ lips twitched at that, unable to not smile at the reference. 

\- But he’s so tiny, he can hide like a coward anytime he wants, Sirius laughed. 

\- Hey, my small size prevents you to get beaten up every time you... 

\- I know, Worms, I know, Sirius concede to him, preventing me to hear the end of the sentence. 

I was to ask questions about that, but then, I saw Remus and Sirius death’s stares to Peter and I hesitated. I could always try to trick Peter into saying it to me later... 

\- And which one did you pick, Lily? Remus asked her, clearly to change the subject (those mysterious bastards). 

\- Actually, I wanted to ask you to team up with me, I’m going after Aconite, she winked at him. 

\- Aconite as in... He began. 

\- Aconite as in Wolfsbane, like the one used in Wolfsbane’s potion, she whispered excitedly. 

\- Lily, you don’t plan to... He began, still whispering. 

\- Of course, I bloody plan to, she said. 

\- But it’s very very difficult and dangerous, Remus insisted. 

\- Yeah, for you lot, who sucks at Potions, she smirked. Remember how I’m Slughorn’s favorite, because of my ‘’Incredible talent’’ in Potions, as he says himself? 

\- Yes, but... Remus began. 

\- Remus, I’ve been researching this for months. I’m ready. I just need Aconite. So, you’re in or not? She nudged him affectionally. 

\- What’s going on exactly? I asked Lily, clueless as ever with the Potions’ subject. 

\- Wolfsbane’s potion, don’t you remember? In third year, in DADA? Seeing my non-reaction, she rolled her eyes at me. 

\- Anyway, she continued, dismissing my ignorance. It’s the potion that do not cure but give some very good relief on the werewolf’s curse. You see, the principal problem for them is that they lost themselves, when they transform, they’re not able to keep their human personality. The potion gives exactly that, and roughly... If the correct dosage is taken every day for a week before full moon... The werewolf would mostly just sleep the night off and not put anyone in danger... 

\- Whoa! That’s great! Peter exclaimed. 

\- But, what Lily is not saying, is that the potion is extremely hard to make, and the ingredients are rare and expensive... Remus replied. 

\- Good thing that I’m the Potion’s teacher’s favorite student, then, right? The same professor who happens to have an impressive collection of ingredients... 

\- You... You really think that could work? Remus was looking uncertain, as well as a little hopeful. 

Lily put her hand on his and looked him in the eyes. 

\- I’m certain, Rem’, let me do this for you, let me help you, she said. 

He nodded, looking nearly on the verge of tears, as this perspective must be a real relief for him. Lily hugged him tight, then served herself some breakfast. James arrived at that moment and seat next to her. 

\- So, what did I miss, he said, kissing Lily’s cheek. 

\- Rem’ and I will be partners for Herbology, Lily winked at Remus. 

\- And Pete’s with me, I added. 

\- So, that means that I’m stuck with that tosser? James said, pointing to Sirius. 

Instead of answering, Sirius just threw a piece of toast to his face. 


	29. Of Herbology and Forbidden Forest

I was finishing breakfast when I saw Marlene arriving with Mary. I looked at her and saw that clearly, she was avoiding my gaze. I felt a sting right in my heart at that. Marlene and I, we never really fought before. She was pretty simple to live with. She would always say what she wanted to say, without detour or else. Sometimes, that was vexing, but in the end, her honesty was much appreciated. I fought with Lily couple of memorable times. With Mary also, she could get highly emotional. But, never with Marlene, in more than 6 years of friendship. The problem was that I felt very helpless to try and make her feel better, even if nothing was really my fault. The fact that Sirius and me were trying a relationship wasn’t the problem. The problem was Remus’ reluctance to be in one with her, and she thought that was because of his still presents feelings for me. Was that true? But even if it was, what could I do about it? And here I was, naïve, thinking that everything was settled. After my ‘’conversation’’ with Remus (to call those tiny sentences a conversation is a little exaggerated really) and the fact that he and Marlene were seeing each other for weeks... But as it seems, nothing was ‘’settled’’. I was completely desperate. I was pulled out of my dark thoughts by Sirius. 

\- What are your plans today? He asked. 

\- Heum, this morning I wanted to go see Hagrid about the Devil’s snare, with Peter, if he wants to come with? 

\- Yeah, sure, I haven’t seen Hagrid in a while, Peter said. 

\- After lunch, I continued, as you know, we have Quidditch practice... Then... I don’t know, nothing, I suppose, what about you? 

\- Damn, tonight I have plans with those, he said, pointing the marauders. 

\- We’re busy bees, aren’t we? I sighed. 

\- It won’t take long, though, I think? Sirius turned to look at James. 

\- Oh no, not at all, an hour max, he said. We’ll be done at 8. 

\- Great, you could come by later, then? Sirius smiled at me. 

\- Yeah, why not? I said, trying to look at Marlene once more, and seeing that she was focused on her plate. 

Mary was looking at me, shrugging helplessly to say that it still wasn’t good. 

\- All right, then, I’m done, Peter, coming with? I asked him. 

\- Sure, he said, getting up too. 

*** 

After fetching some warm jackets and scarves, we headed in direction of Hagrid’s hut, near the edge of the Forbidden Forest. 

\- It’s my first-time visiting Hagrid, I told Peter. 

\- Oh, really? We come by often, Hagrid’s a good friend of us, actually, he said. 

\- Great, he looks like he’s fun to be around, I smiled. 

\- He is! All right, I’ll knock, Peter offered. And, don’t be scared of the dog, he’s loud, but he loves everyone after smelling them, he added. 

Indeed, as soon as Peter knocked, loud barks emanated from the hut before the door opened. 

\- Oh, hey, Peter ! How are yeh doing? Hagrid said. 

\- I’m great, Hagrid, I’m with Dorcas, here, he said taking a sidestep to let him see me. 

\- Hullo Dorcas, yeh two don’ stay there in the cold, come on in! He invited us opening the door. 

As I was entering after Peter, a very big brown dog greeted me by a big and slimy lick on the cheek. 

\- Oi! Rupert! Leave her alone, ye old flee bag! Hagrid laugh, pushing the dog gently away. Come, take a seat, I jus’ bake some scones fresh out o’ the oven! I’ll serve you some tea, too, he finished turning his back on us. 

I was about to take a scone, but Peter’s hand flicked mine away. Surprised, I looked at him, and he was just silently gesturing me to not eat the scones, mimicking a poisoning of some sort. I chose to trust him on that one and dropped it. Hagrid turned to us with hot tea. 

\- Here, warm yerself with this, he said, giving us our cups. Take a scone, don’ be shy! He added. 

\- Oh, thank you, M. Hagrid, but we just ate, you see, I tried. 

\- Please, yeh can call me just Hagrid, Dorcas, he said. So, what are yeh lot up to? He asked us. 

\- We’re teaming up for this project in Herbology, Hagrid, and Dorcas said that you may help us about it, Peter explained. 

\- All right? And what is this about, this project? Hagrid asked. 

\- It’s about Devil’s snare, I said. 

\- Oh! Tha’ bloody plant! Hagrid sighed heavily. It’s always spreadin’, yeh know, and it’s startin’ to take over all o’ my wild mushroom's favorite spots!!! He finished, looking irritated. 

\- Well... I wanted to study them, for schoolwork, I said, a little shyly. I thought that you could just point me in the right direction? I asked him. I have Sprout’s permission to venture a little in the Forbidden Forest, somewhere... I finished, searching my pockets for the authorisation. 

\- Oh, don’ bother, I still don’ know why the forest is forbidden for students, it’s not tha' dangerous, and so full o' rare and interestin’ specimens of the magical wildlife! He dreamily said. 

\- Oh, okay then, I said. 

\- Drink yer tea, I’ll show ye where tha' little wicked thing is after, he added. 

We drank our tea, refusing three times to eat the scones, after the third time he just drops it, but not before forcing us to put some in our pockets. Then, we got up and left with Hagrid. He went to show us the location of the plant's invasive talus and then left us to get to work. For now, we stayed at a distance from it and took notes, observations and sketches of it. Then we packed our things and left, agreeing to come back in a couple of days. As we were walking silently toward the school, I turned to Peter, still intrigued about what he said at breakfast. 

\- So, Pete, what was it about, earlier, when you said that your small size prevents Sirius to get hurt? I asked him. 

\- Oh, that... That was nothing, I was just defending myself from his teasing, he shrugged. 

\- I mean, is that very dangerous? I insisted. 

He looked at me, and I tried to project something like charm on him, if that was a thing I could do. 

\- It’s just, you see, I’m a little worried about you lot, I smiled, batting my eyelashes in what I hope was seductive and not ridiculous. 

\- I... Euhm... He blushed a little. Don’t worry, it’s not that bad, we’re used to it by now... We’ve become good at patching ourselves up, he said. 

\- That bad, eh? I sighed. 

\- Well, we do venture with a werewolf, it’s not exactly risk-free... He said, but, he’s not alone in this anymore, and that’s all that matters, he finished. 

\- You guys are amazing, you know that? I smiled at him. 

\- Well, especially the others, me I’m just trying to keep up, he shrugged. 

\- You did achieve to be an Animagus, didn’t you? I would say that you’re awesome too, I winked at him. 

\- I did, he blushed a little more. 

\- And I’m pretty sure that you have your role to play too, right? 

\- Yes, I do, if that weren’t for me, that damn tree... He stopped himself, realising that he was talking too much, he turned to me with an accusatory finger pointed at me. Dorcas! Stop trying to get information from me! You know too much already! He laughed, nudging me friendly. 

\- All right, all right, I’ll stop, I laughed, as we were arriving at the school’s entrance steps. 

We joined our friends just in time for lunch. Marlene was seated at a small distance from us, so clearly the time to speak to her hasn’t arrived yet... Mary greeted me with a sad smile. We ate dinner pretty fast, as we were in a hurry to go to the Quidditch pitch for practice (We only had the pitch for an hour before Ravenclaw’s practice). 

As we were walking on the grounds, I thoughts about Sirius and me. Because, let's be honest, there was near to nothing different today than any other days, right? We didn’t kiss, hold hands (except some intertwined fingers during breakfast) or anything. I was wondering if that was normal? Or maybe Sirius changed his mind. Maybe those things are different from a couple to another...? I was a little lost and/or a little depressed by my train of thoughts as I was arriving to the small building containing the locker rooms when I was briskly pulled out away from it by a hand taking me to the right. 

\- Go on, we’ll catch up in two! Sirius said to James, as he was pulling me to the side of the building. 

\- Sirius? I asked, turning the corner, but I got cut right there by his mouth crushing on mine. 

I felt my back to the wall as he pressed himself on me, deepening the kiss already. Well, that certainly made me scratch my ‘’He changed his mind about us’’ theory. I slid my hands through his hair and marveled in the kiss. Moments later, his lips left mine and he pressed his forehead against mine. 

\- I’ve missed you, Fury, he sighed. 

\- Hm. I think that’s mutual, I replied. 

He took a step back to look at me. 

\- I just... I still don’t know how to act, you know, with you, in front of Moony. I don’t want to... Rub it in his face? He said. 

\- I understand, of course, I said. 

\- I’m not saying that won’t change, though, we’ll... See how it goes? He finished. 

\- Sure... Let’s go back, Puppy? I smirked at him as I was saying the horrible nickname. 

\- Absolutely not, he said, taking my hand and pulling me from the wall. 

\- Isn’t it what ordinary couples do? Calling themselves cute baby animals’ nicknames? I asked, faking seriousness. 

\- Exactly, but we’re no ordinary couple, are we? He said, smirking to me. 

\- I guess we aren’t, I smiled, as we were entering the locker room. 

The practice went well, James trying his best to kill us at work to make the most of the time allotted to us. After dinner, I went up the Common Room with the rest of the group, deciding, seeing Marlene sitting back there, that I would go straight to my dorm. Lily hesitated, then decided to follow me. We sat on our beds with schoolbooks, talking about Herbology and DADA assignments for a while. 

\- Lils? I said, as she was deeply unto DADA revision. 

\- Yeah? She asked, still looking at her book. 

\- Do you think... Is there a possibility that my friendship with Marlene is just... Over? 

She closed her book and changed position from prone to sitting and facing me. 

\- It isn’t over, Dorcas. She’s just... She’s not used to be... Second, when boys are involved. She’s used to being the one in the easy position. The one where you pick amongst a lot of admirers. She’s not used to be a consolation prize, to beg someone to love her. And, and this is a significant detail, it’s the first time she really loves someone. Problem is, it’s a one-sided love. You, right now, for her, it’s like you have it all. You love someone that loves you back, but more important, you also got the love that Remus isn’t giving her. For now, she’s not able to see you without feeling the pain that comes with that dead-end situation. It’s not your problem, Dorcas, nor is it your fault. But she needs time. And, if you want my opinion, she also needs to end things with Remus. It’s unhealthy and it causes her pain... 

\- … I miss her... I said with a small voice. 

\- Of course, you do. She’ll come around, eventually, but just give her the space and time she needs, allright? It’s the only thing you can do for her at the moment. 

\- I understand, I said, still feeling a sting in my heart at the thought of it. 

She got up and held her hand to me. 

\- Well, what do you say, we go wait for our men in their dorm? We could take a look around while we’re there. She added with a wink. 

\- Oh! I could scout around to find out where he keeps his bottle of shampoo, I said, not so subtly raising my eyebrows at her. 

\- You’re still planning to spike his shampoo? Even if he’s your boyfriend? She raised an eyebrow at me. 

\- Hell yeah, I’m not passing on that chance for revenge!!! I laughed as we got out. 

*** 

_Sirius_

\- Allright, Wormtail, take this, I said, giving the Stink Pellet to the rat near my left foot. He will get out in a moment... I said, looking at the door leaving to Slytherin’s Common Room. 

I was hidden under James’ invisibility cloak, doing part one of the plan with him, as the others were around the corner for phase two. The Slytherins were our favorites targets. Always there to help us to decompress, spend some frustration and stress on them. So convenient. Of course, it was against their will. But, nonetheless, I was grateful. 

As the map told me, Vinny Bulstrode was getting out of the Common Room, and Peter took the given opportunity to sneak in. 

That was my cue, I ran to the others, in the opposite direction from where Bulstrode was heading, to join the others and wait for what would happen next. I got off of the cloak and put it back in my backpack, taking my dragon scale gloves instead and putting them on. 

\- Any moment now, James said, wearing gloves too, as was Remus. There was a bowl at our feet, containing some pretty malodorant dungbombs. 

\- I hear screams! Remus said, taking a dungbomb and getting ready. 

His wolf’s senses were always reliable in those situations. We got animal’s senses when we transformed, Remus had the advantage of super-hearing and super-olfactive senses developing days before his transformations... We imitate him, taking one dungbombs in both hands. 

The door burst open, with students running out of their Common Room, coughing and cursing, followed by a green smoke. James had his arm in the air, waiting for our cue... Then we saw Wormtail skillfully crawling between the feet of the Slytherins, accelerating in our direction, turning the corner and passing us in his way out of this corridor. That was our signal. We threw our dungbombs in the direction of the group of students, before we ran in the same direction as Peter. We caught up on him on his way upstairs, as he opened a bag where we threw our gloves and the bowl and ran away, laughing and clapping. We were still hearing distant screaming. 

Yeah, I know, that wasn’t very mature, nor was it very elaborate, as far as pranking goes, but sometimes, we don’t need something grand. Sometimes you just need to reek of a few snakes... 

*** 

_Dorcas_

\- Lily, still looking? I asked her nervously, as I was opening Sirius’ bottle of shampoo, stolen from his suitcase. 

\- Yeah, hurry up before they come back, she said, still looking out from the door to watch for their return. 

\- I am! I said, taking a second to smell the shampoo, giving me great olfactive memory of Sirius’ hair. 

Right, focus, Dorcas, I scold myself. I took my vial, in my pocket, popped open the cap and pour the navy-blue liquid unto the mercifully opaque bottle of shampoo. 

\- Oi, they’re coming! Lily whispered, closing the door and coming to sit on James’ bed. 

I closed the bottle, put it back where I took it, closed the suitcase and hurried to sit on the bed, trying to look casual, winking at Lils. We heard laughing from the stairs before we saw the door open. 

\- Eeesh, man, I’ll put those in the shower, it stinks like old putrid death in here, Peter said, holding a bag at arm’s length and pinching his nose. Oh, hi, girls, he greeted us. 

\- Hey, rummaging through our stuff in our absence? James smiled at us, before kissing Lily’s forehead. 

\- Well, rummaging through your stuff look less fishy than what you probably just did, she said, pointing to the bathroom, where Peter was clearly soaping evidences away. 

\- That? It was just Pete’s old knickers, Sirius laughed, as he was seating himself next to me. 

\- I HEARD THAT! Peter said from the other room. 

\- You really think we’re that stupid, don’t you? I rolled my eyes at them. 

\- We really don’t want you to know, actually, rectified Remus. Don’t ask questions, we don’t want to imply you unto anything... 

\- Not that ANYTHING happened, James innocently added, putting his arm on Lily’s shoulders. 

\- So, NOTHING is perfectly washed, said Peter, winking at them, as he went back from the bathroom. Anyone’s up for an exploding snap game? 

\- Those fools are killing me, Lily sighed, but with a small tender smile. 

*** 

I was getting out of the castle, late that night, putting the marauder’s map in my bag as soon as I closed the entrance’s door behind me. James agreed to lend it to me, since I told him that I needed to circulate after hours this week. 

*** 

_Dorcas_

_Three nights earlier_

\- Oi, James, I need this map of yours! I demanded him, as he was tickling Lily on his bed. 

\- How so? He asked, turning his head in my direction. 

\- Yeah, how so? Sirius imitated his friend. I can take you somewhere anytime you want, he added. 

\- I need it to circulate after curfew one night, to go visit Venitia, I said. 

I named the Devil’s snare. I know I’m weird. 

\- Arf, you’re spending nearly more time with that awful thing than with me, Sirius played the offended boyfriend. 

Thing is, he couldn’t care less about Venitia. 

\- Yeah right, as if you’re not ALWAYS taken already by those blokes, I said, pointing to James and the others. 

\- But, Pete could go with you, then? Sirius suggested, clearly not interested in the matter already. 

\- Pete, a jolly visit to Venitia at night, are you in? I smirked at Peter, knowing perfectly well what his answer would be. 

He come along most of the time, for good measure, or, as I was guessing, enough to prevent me to dump his ass off the team. He was unable to cover the disgust in his features and I just laughed at him about it. But, I have to say, he was helpful for the writing part of the assignment, so I was not complaining. His silence at my proposition was eloquent enough for an answer. 

\- That’s what I thought, it’ll be an evening rendezvous between me and Venitia alone, I concluded. So, James? I insisted. 

\- Yeah, fine, we don’t need it those days, with Rem’ transformation coming, we will stay low this week... 

I took the map he threw in my direction, satisfied that I would have the occasion to visit the magic plant at night. 

\- You guys are unable to ‘’stay low’’, I laughed at him. Thanks, James, I added. 

\- You’ll be careful, right, hon? I know Venitia doesn’t scare you, but it’s a wicked thing. I should accompany you... Lily said. 

\- Don’t you have a potion to attend to? I asked, knowing pretty well that she was to begin to brew Wolfsbane tomorrow night. Don’t worry, Red, I’ll be fine, I’m cautious enough. 

She frowned a little at me, before her boyfriend efficiently stole her attention from me. 

*** 

And I visited Venitia every night after that, but tonight was going to be different. It would be extraordinary, in fact. That was the real intention behind my borrowing of the precious map. While researching the Devil’s snare, I read that the magic plant was blooming ephemerally during full moon, once a month. Full moon was tonight. I knew that tonight the boys were taking care of Remus somewhere hidden and safe, or so they told me, staying as vague as ever. 

I wonder where they were. I wonder if my boyfriend was fine. Still weird, to call him that, in my head as well as out loud. It’s been days, now, that I spiked his shampoo. Nothing. I asked Remus and he told me that Sirius often take James' shampoo. Apparently, shampoo stealing wasn’t just a girls' thing. 

Speaking of Remus, Marlene did end things with him. Since she still doesn’t speak to me, it was Lily whom retell it to me. She told me tha Marlene said that Remus looked sad, but she thought that he was sad to not have been able to be more unto her than that, he said that he never wanted her to suffer. She answered by snogging the brain out of another bloke in his face. Well, classic Marlene... 

I was pretty excited about that moonlight blooming stuff. It was said that the plant was dreading sunlight and fire light, but moonlight was fine. And the full moon was producing big dark purple flowers on it, if the books were saying the truth. I bring my camera, planning to capture the moment. I wanted to use the black chamber of the school to make a big animated portrait out of it to present to the class when Peter and I would do our presentation. I was thrilled about that brilliant idea and was sure that we would gain extra grades for the effort and originality. Yeah, I sometimes was a sucker for good grades. Especially when I wanted a futur career that bad. 

It was eleven o’clock at the moment, and I was going down the trail toward the Forbidden Forest, casting a Lumos as I was getting farther away from the lights of the school. As I looked up, I saw that the full moon was already high in the sky, covering everything with a white-blue aura. I thought about the boys, surrounding a werewolf somewhere, trying to make that moment a little bit less horrible for Remus. 

Speaking of them, there was apparently a big dungbombs’ crisis down the donjons, for a big bunch of Slytherin’s students, couple of days ago. Clearly, that was what they were doing before joining us, that night... McGonagall wanted to throw them directly unto detention, but she couldn’t, because there wasn’t any proof whatsoever, to her big disappointment. They were professionals' pranksters, after all. 

I was getting closer to the spot where Venitia was, I was looking for her, wand pointed to the dark edge of the Forbidden Forest in her direction. I got a glimpse of purple as I was searching. I came closer and here it was. It was even more impressive than on the books’ illustrations. There were big purple and pink bell-shape flowers, literally growing under my eyes, under the dim light of the moon. I dropped my backpack on the ground, searching it to get my camera. 

\- _Nox_ , I whispered, for my wand’s light to die out. 

I was hoping that the moonlight was sufficient, because any light other than the moon would stop the blooming, the reason why I turned my magical light as soon as I got closer. I verified that the flash was off on my camera, then took a picture. I took more of them, something like forty, before I heard it. A wolf’s howl. I didn’t know there were wolf in that part of the country...? That howl gave me the creeps. I decided to put my camera back in my bag and just not to linger. I heard a creak and a rustle of bush and my heart made a big jump in my ribcage, making me stagger backwards. 

Unfortunately, that was in direction of Venitia, because I felt her roots wrapping themselves quickly around my ankle, making me scream from the surprise, as it made me fall on my behind. 

\- Where’s my stupid wand? I groaned, trying to keep my cool, knowing that panicking would be to sign my own death’s warrant. 

Because, let’s be honest, I kind of was in bad posture, alone in here, in the dark, without my wand, tangled in a Devil’s snare. Merlin, that would be a really stupid death. I really should have thought about bringing someone with me. I must try to stop to act alone like this... It was kind of difficult to manage to stay calm at the same time as I was nervously groping on the floor with my hand to find my wand. Venitia was finding my attempt at relaxing not very convincing, because she grips harder on me, as I was more and more frenetically trying to kick her off. At that moment, a moonlight ray revealed to me the location of my wand, very near me. My fingers closed on it seconds after. I sighed loudly in relief before I raised it. 

\- _Lumos solem_ , you bitch! I recited, aiming the plant who was trying to choke me. 

There was a very bright light who escaped from my wand, chasing away the plant from around me. I got up and quickly take a few steps away from it. I saw the incredible blooming flowers beginning to turn black and falling pretty quickly. A shame. Then again, you shouldn’t try to kill me, stupid magical plant... 

\- That was VERY NAUGHTY, to try to kill me, Venitia! I exclaimed to it, getting back my contenance, now that I was out of danger. 

Or so I thought I was. There was another howling. I forgot about the first one, while I was fighting for my life against Venitia. Is that me, or it sounded like it was closer? Like, much MUCH closer. Like very close. Too close. I froze, my pulse accelerating. Was it the shouting or the light that gave away my position in those woods? I heard a ruffle closer to me and turn to look were the sound came from. There, a little farther, something like 20 feet away from me, in a moonlight ray, somewhat like a scene’s projector lightning the star of the show... There was a werewolf standing and looking at me. 

Crap, is that Remus? I thought, feeling like freezing water was poured all over me. I wanted to run. I knew that was what I should be doing. But it was like my feet were made of steel, and so I just stood there, like a stupid fool, petrified on the spot, and looking at him. 


	30. Of Rescue and Remorse

*** 

_Sirius_

Tonight we decided, as it was more and more often the case, to go for a run unto the Forbidden Forest. To stay in the Shrieking Shack was boring, and let’s say, more dangerous for us, as Moony was finding it difficult to be imprisoned this way and was restlessly trying to escape. The Forbidden Forest wasn’t allowed for students, especially in the middle of the night, so we never had the displeasure to come across someone other than the creatures living in it. As a dog, I always love to run, having way more cardio than I have in my human form. Moony was way easier to deal with when he was running in the wild than in a Shack. We just arrived in the woods and, as usual, we were luring Moony in the direction opposite to the castle, to make sure to be far away and reduce all risk of seeing someone, when I heard it. 

A scream. 

From a girl. A very familiar voice, especially for me. Dorcas’ voice. I stopped right on my track, as well as the others and I couldn’t refrain a long dog whimper at the sound of it. 

My first thought was for the reason of the scream. Was Dorcas in danger? Then, my second worry was that if she wasn’t yet, she would be. I turned my head to look at Moony, who’s head was still listening, waiting for a better indication as where to go hunt the witch. I was completely at a lost, I wanted to go help her, totally worried of why she screamed, but by doing so, I knew that Moony would follow. I turned to Prongs, who was looking at me, too. His stag head gestured toward the ground, and I follow his look to Wormtail. Yes, that should work, he should go see to her... He seemed to understand, because he ran in Dorcas’ direction, looking like he perfectly knew where to find her, by his lack of hesitation. 

Then it hit me. She must be at the Devil’s snare’s spot. That’s how he would know how to find her. But why on earth would she be there this late? Was she freaking sleepwalking? Then I remembered. She told us, days ago, that she would venture there after hours. But I didn’t thought that it would be THIS LATE IN THE NIGHT. What if Pete was unable to help her? I let out another whimper. Prongs came my way and looked at me. Right, the most urgent: get Remus the fuck out of here for Dorcas to be safe. We didn’t have to talk to know the plan, the goal was clearly to lure him back to the Shrieking Shack... Though, without Peter, getting to the stupid knot opening the passageway would be trickier, but not unachievable... We began to try the luring methods we developed through the years, aka to playfully encourage him this way by looping around him. At that moment, there was a giant flash of light coming from the left, clearly a magic one. A wand-created one. Crap, I thought, I hope Moony didn’t see that. I turned to him and realised that he was already gone. I prayed that Peter got to her in time as I leapt after him, passing Prongs who started the pursuit before I did. 

*** 

_Dorcas_

I’m gonna die. If I stay here I will. I felt the blood rushing back in my legs as I began to run. Knowing fully well that he would easily catch up on me. He was very tall, his legs surely were way faster than mine. 

\- Dorcas, over here!!! I heard Peter shouting to me. 

I turned my head to the right and saw that he was running next to me, his hand about to catch my arm. Where did he came from? He wasn’t there seconds ago, like he appeared from thin air. Or, as I guessed, he transformed from a rat and it looks like he just appeared next to me. 

\- We’re gonna die, Pete, I huffed, looking back at Remus, who was closing in on us really fast. 

\- No, we’re not. Follow me! He said, turning right and starting to climb a very big specimen of what looked like an ancient oak. 

\- Come on, climb faster! He rushed me, as I was starting to climb after him. 

I was something like 6 feet up the tree when the werewolf (it was difficult to refer to him as Remus at the moment…) arrived, growling and drooling. I froze for a second, looking at him, frowning. 

\- Remus, come on, it’s me! I tried. 

\- Dorcas, don’t bother! Peter said from above. 

But the werewolf froze for a second, looking at me. That gave me hope, and because of that, I made the mistake to stop the ascension. I heard a loud bark from below, telling me that Sirius was there. The werewolf turned to look at the dog, then turned back to me and I saw that the moment was gone. He looked desperate to get to me. He took a step back to sprang back to try and catch me. I heard a loud bark and I hurried to climb higher. But, it was too little too late, the werewolf caught my left boot, making me slip a little. I caught up on a branch in extremis, before I went down directly in the werewolf’s drooling mouth, full of razor-sharped teeth. I let out a scream at the perspective of his teeth tearing my flesh… I closed my eyes, searching for the strength to move up again. Problem is, the werewolf was pulling at my boot… There was another bark, followed by a whimper from Sirius. Then, I saw James arrive, as a majestic stag, charging Remus for him to let go of me. It worked in an instant, and I felt a hand taking mine. Peter was reaching to me from a higher branch. 

\- Thanks, I sighed in relief, as I was hearing a growling and barking racket down below. 

\- Here, let’s make sure that we’re safe, let’s get higher, he replied, letting me go first this time. 

After a while, we were very high in the tree, the sound of what was going on down below diminishing a little. I sat on a big branch and made room for Peter to sit by my side. He was red and huffing, clearly not at the top of his shape. Then again, I wouldn’t be in shape at all if it wasn’t for Quidditch and the relentless practices James forces us to do. 

\- So… He said, looking like he was having a hard time catching his breath. What the hell are you doing here this late, Dorcas? He asked me. 

\- I was… WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WERE YOU DOING HERE YOURSELVES???? I exploded, feeling like I needed to get my anxiety out on him. 

I felt my hands starting to shake, as well as, it seems, my entire body. 

\- Okay, let’s settle that matter later, come here, he said, opening his arms to me. 

I hesitated for a second, since Peter and me never were this… close… Then I thought, what the hell, and I let him hug me. The aftershock was a little overwhelming, I mean, I nearly got killed by a devil’s snare before I nearly got killed by one of my best friends… That would clearly be on top of my ‘moments to forget’s list’… I felt my teeth beginning to shatter, and I tried to stop it by clenching my jaw, but I failed miserably. 

\- S-s-sor-ry, P-pe-te, I d-d-don't k-know wh-hat's g-go-ing o-on... I managed to say, frustrated by my reaction to the situation. 

\- Shhhhh…. Here, calm down, everything’s fine, Peter whispered to me. Don’t worry, all of this, it’s overwhelming, I understand this better than you think... 

That was comforting, and weird, but mostly comforting… As he was beginning to awkwardly pat my back, I decided that I was feeling better already and left his arms. 

\- I… I told you days ago, I was visiting Venitia… I began, relieved that my teeth have stop the shattering. 

\- Why this late? He said, sounding very confused, with good reason. 

\- Because, I read that it blossomed only during full moon, so I came to capture the moment, when the light would be at its best... I explained. 

\- Why didn’t you tell me this? I would have told you to never EVER venture in the woods during full moon, Dorcas. 

\- And how would I know? You lot never told me anything! I childishly whined. 

\- That’s so not true, you’re one of the people who knows the most about us! He shook his head in disbelief. 

\- Well, good to know, I guess... But, thing is, Remus told me you lot were going somewhere SAFE during his transformations. Excuse me for not guessing that he meant the BLOODY FORBIDDEN FOREST, aka, the less safe place in all Hogwarts! 

\- Well, we don’t always come here, usually we stay hidden in the Shrieking Shack, he said. 

We got interrupted by a wolf’s howl, sounding like a complain. 

\- Is he okay? Will he go away? Should we, I don’t know, summon our brooms to fly away? I asked. 

\- He’s fine, Padfoot and Prongs are with him. But no, he won’t go away. And we better not fly away. He would see us, and he would follow, it’s best to stay here. He’ll try to get to us until he falls from exhaustion, somewhere around two or three in the morning… That’s when he usually transformed back… He sighed deeply. 

\- Poor Remus… I sighed. 

\- He’ll be fine, I’m very glad that I got to you in time, though… Peter sighed. 

\- Well, you lot arrived second on the list of dead threats tonight, I weakly smiled. 

\- How come? What else happened? He asked. 

I started to tell him all about my evening, sometimes interrupted by wolf and dog sounds coming from the ground below. 

\- So... What about the Shrieking Shack? You’re not afraid of the ghosts? I heard it’s haunted by one or several poltergeists? I asked him. 

He rolled his eyes at me, while laying his back against the tree trunk. 

\- Your curiosity knows no limit, does it? He smirked at me. 

\- Come on, Peter, just moment ago you witness how ignorance of your whereabouts may be dangerous for me, I winked at him. 

\- True, that, he agreed. Well, if you really want to know, there’s no poltergeist. The racket is all from Remus, because he’s hiding in there to transform since he arrived at Hogwarts. Dumbledore’s idea. 

\- Is there a passageway to get there? 

\- Yeah, and a well-hidden one, where no-one sane would venture... 

\- Where? I asked, eager. 

\- I guess I can tell you, anyway I don’t think after tonight you would ever want to follow us, am I right? 

\- I’m not ever again running in front of a werewolf if I can help it, if that’s what you’re asking, I laughed nervously. 

\- It’s under the whomping willow, there’s a knot in the tree trunk and you have to press it to pass. 

\- The whomping willow! That’s highly dangerous!!!! I exclaimed. 

\- Not when you know how to deactivate it, the tree stop trying to kill you when you push on the knot, he explained. 

\- Brilliant, I commented. 

\- Again, Dumbledore’s idea, he said. 

\- Yeah, trust the old man to protect secrets by putting our lives in danger, I laugh. 

\- Nobody’s in danger, everyone know better than to come closer to that damn willow, Peter laughed with me. 

We talked for a while before finally, after hours, we heard Sirius’ voice call us. 

\- Guys, you can come down, he’s transformed and fast asleep! 

I followed Peter down the tree, struggling a little because of my level of exhaustion. As I was arriving on the last level of branches, I felt hands helping me down and before I knew it, I was bone-crushed in a bear hug. 

\- Are you all right, Fury? I heard Sirius say in my hair. 

He took a step back, took my face in his hands and his tired eyes were looking at me for any sign of problem. 

\- I’m fine, I said. 

\- How’s your feet? Did he cut you? He asked. 

\- Oh. No, he didn’t, he just managed to pull on my boot before James tackled him, then Peter help me up. 

He hugged me again, even harder. 

\- Don’t strangle her, Pads, she already escaped death once tonight… I heard James say, and Sirius gave me some air, just before James hugged me too. 

\- Glad that you're fine, pest, he winked at me. 

\- Well, she escaped death twice tonight, actually, Peter rectified. 

\- WHAT? James exclaimed. How unlucky can someone get? 

As Peter told them about my adventure with Devil’s snare, I looked over Sirius’ shoulder to see that Remus was fast asleep on the ground, his apparently naked body covered by a plaid woolen blanket. 

\- How is he? I asked Sirius, taking a step back and pointing Remus with my chin. 

\- He’s fine, he’ll sleep it off all day... He sighed, looking completely exhausted himself. 

I looked at him worriedly. 

\- How about you? Are you hurt? I asked. 

\- What? No, no I’m totally fine, he said, just freaking tired... 

\- Me too, I’m so happy that I’m off this morning, I agreed, thinking that I wouldn't survive to sleeping only a couple of hours... 

\- Let’s get back, then? And, Dorcas, since you have your wand, you mind bringing him back? Sirius said, referring to Remus 

\- Yeah, of course, I said, taking my wand. OH! My bag!!! I said, panicked, I need my camera! Accio backpack, I said, pointing in the direction of the Devil’s snare. I saw my backpack floating in my direction and I sighed in relief. 

\- You act as if your life depended on that backpack, said James. 

\- Close enough, my pictures of the reason why I nearly died twice tonight, I’m certainly not leaving without it! I said, grabbing my bag and putting it on. All right, I’m ready now, mobilicorpus! I said, pointing my wand on Remus, that was wrapped up in the blanket beforehand for my ‘’innocent eyes’’ as James put it. 

After a little while James took my wand and continued, since I was nearly sleep-walking. Peter came by my side and nudge me. 

\- Wake up, sleepy head, he laughed at me, but it was impossible to take him seriously while he yawned himself enough for his jaw to unhook... 

I putted my arm on his shoulder affectionately, it was quite easy, since he was no taller than me. 

\- Thanks, Peter, I managed to say. For, you know, saving my life, and taking care of me, up there, I finished. 

\- Ah, it’s nothing... 

\- I disagree, you could’ve stayed a rat, and not risk your own life to help me, that was really brave, Pete, I insisted. 

\- It is, Sirius agreed next to me, thanks Pete, I was worried sick back there, he added. 

\- You were? I said. 

\- What do you think? You're so appealing, imagine for a werewolf! He'd have eaten you in one bite! He smirked. 

I nudged him, as he was half-serious, half-laughing at me, as usual. James and Peter went upstairs first, as Sirius and I dropped Remus in the Hospital wing, before Pomfrey woke up. It must be past four in the morning by now. Sirius led me to the GQ, and the door opened on a cozy bedroom, looking somewhat like our dorm, but with a unique double bed instead of multiple single bed. 

\- Hm? Why did you bring me here? I’m not... I began, confused. 

\- Trust me, Fury, I have zero agenda here, I’m as sleep-depraved as you are, I just want to cuddle you and pass out, if that’s okay with you? He smiled at me. 

\- Yeah, sure, I said, too drawn toward the bed to think about anything else than sleeping anyway. 

We hoped in bed with all our clothes on, and he pulled me until we were comfortably cuddled in the middle of the bed. 

\- Dorcas? He said with a groggy voice. 

\- Hm? Was all I managed to say. 

\- I’m very happy that you’re not dead, he said. 

\- Wow, that’s the most romantic thing someone ever told me, I laughed. 

\- And, Dorcas? 

\- Mmwhaaat? I replied, beginning to really doze away from that conversation. 

\- You know that it was never really an option for your nickname to be anything else than Fury, right? 

\- I know, I said, smiling although my back was to him, so he didn’t see me. 

\- Sleep well, Fury, he whispered in my ear, as I was already falling asleep. 

*** 

_I was still in the Forbidden Forest. The full moon was shining between the branches on the trees, with a strange reddish aura instead of the usual blueish one. I looked around me and wondered why I was not safely hiding in top of the tree, with Peter. Safely away from the werewolf. It must be near, I needed to get up and run... But I couldn’t, I was feeling like my body was made of concrete, like heavily nailed to the ground. Something was wrong with my stomach. I raised my head to see what was going on. I saw Remus. His face red with blood. My blood. As he was eating my guts and smiling at me, his razor-sharp teeth reflecting the moonlight..._

\- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I woke up, feeling something pinning me to my bed. Still panicked

because of the nightmare, I harshly pushed on whatever was pinning me there and sat promptly on my bed, catching my breath. 

\- Woah! What’s going on??? I heard in my back. 

I looked around me, to remember where I was, and with whom. I turned to Sirius, who was frowning at me. 

\- Are you all right, Fury? He asked. 

\- Yes... I think... Just... Just a stupid nightmare, I sighed. 

\- About last night? He guessed. 

\- Yeah. I feel stupid. When I learned about Remus’ condition... I told him, all brave and all, that I didn’t care with the werewolf thing, that it wouldn’t change anything... I said, shaking my head in disbelief. I feel weak, and stupid. But, thing is, Sirius, seeing him last night, running after me, ready to shred me to pieces, I... I don’t know, I guess I’m a coward, because I was scared to death... 

He hugged me, gently stroking my hair. 

\- You’re not stupid or a coward. You were chased by a bloody werewolf, that is no picnic, that was a traumatic life-or-death experience. 

\- You don’t understand. I want to be an auror. Life-or-death situation will be my day-to-day, I can’t be scared like that. I can’t be a coward. 

\- First, there’s a difference between wizards and werewolves. Werewolves ARE scarier. I think it has something to do with the fur and fangs, OH and maybe with the fact that they want to eat you. 

\- How can you joke about that? I asked, shaking my head. 

\- Because, Fury, joking about terrible things always achieve to render them less terrible, don’t you think? He asked, smiling at me. Why do you think that we refer to the curse as ‘’Remus’ little fury problem’’? Because, it looks less terrifying that way, he explained. 

\- Hm. Maybe, I said, taking a minute to think about it. So, were you scare at first too? 

\- Of course, I was, at first, like any normal person would be, Dorcas. To be scared is not to be weak, to be scared is fine, knowing the risk is primordial to stay alive... 

He gave me a look to try to validate that I did understand what he was saying. I nodded, then he made his crooked smile before he continued. 

\- But then again, I’m his roommate, he’s a turbo nerd, that helps put things in perspective, he laughed. We’re used to it, after years spent with him every full moon. And he doesn’t mind us, when we’re animals, it’s like we’re friends again, but differently? It was your first encounter with his werewolf’s form, don’t be hard on yourself, IT IS traumatic at first. And you know, ideally, you’ll never run into him ever again. 

\- OR, I could be an Animagus too, someday? I suggested. 

\- Mh. Maybe, after your NEWTS, after your Auror’s studies, if we’re still together, those type of IF’s. 

\- So, you mean, it’s not a NO, but it’s a long shot? I grinned. 

\- That’s exactly what I meant, he agreed. 

\- Which animal do you reckon I would turn unto? I asked pensively. 

\- Hm, good question... Maybe a cute little bunny? He smirked at me. 

\- What the hell?! I said, offended. 

\- I just wanted to tease you, I think you would be wilder, like... A crazy bat??? 

I took a pillow and attacked him with it, waging a war. Of course, he quickly got the upper hand on me and squeezed me under him in no time as I was wildly kicking and screaming. But, looking up at him, I saw that his smile faded, and his eyes darkened. I realised we were all alone, in bed together, entangled. My hands that were pushing him took hold of his sweater instead to bring him in kissing reach. He let go of my shoulders, that he was pinning on the bed, and cupped my face instead. Things going to slowly for my taste, my fingers released his jumper to pull on the nape of his neck for my lips to reach his’ faster. He reacted well to my impulse, deepening the kiss very fast. 

It felt like my blood was replace by lava in my veins. Like all my body was catching in fire. I wanted more. I wanted him. All of him. Not knowing what got unto me, I took the hem of his jumper and pulled it upwards to take it off. He pulled back from me and smiled. 

\- And what do you think you’re doing, Fury? He laughed at me. 

\- Undressing you? I replied, feeling my cheeks turning red. 

\- As... promising as all of this sounds... He said, gazing at me, undeniably interested too, we are nearly late for Transfiguration he finished, regret evident in his tone. 

\- Wh...? How do you know? I asked him, a little confused, but feeling like a cold shower was pouring on the lava under my skin at the thought of a pissed off Professor McGonagall. 

He pointed the wall at my left with his chin. I turned my head in that direction and saw on the clock that he was right. It was a quarter to one. We had all but fifteen minutes to get out of here, fetch our things and run six floors down to get to class in time. Professor McGonagall HATE tardiness. I quickly rolled from under Sirius and got out of bed, but I felt a hand preventing me to go further. 

\- OR, we could bail... He suggested, as I was turning to him. 

I looked at him, as he was staring at me, with his crooked smile, the definition of human perfection, there, in a bed, all for me. Hm. Then I thought yet again at a furious Professor McGonagall and that helped me resist the taunting invitation of my boyfriend. 

\- Not a chance, hurry!!! I said, while reaching for my shoes, that I clearly kicked off before going to bed hours ago. 

He got up and did the same, still looking at me. 

\- But, it’s just a rain check, right? He asked me, smiling seductively. 

\- I don’t know, you’re the one who spoiled the moment, aren’t you? I smirked at him, before I made my way to the door. 

\- I know, sometimes, I can be VERY stupid, he groaned. 

\- OR, you have my educational success at heart? I asked, while we were hurrying to Gryffindor’s tower. 

\- I do, I guess, he said, winking at me. 

By some miracle, we got to Transfiguration seconds before the beginning of class, earning Professor McGonagall’s severe scowling at us, prompting us to take our seats and fast. 


	31. Of Hogsmeade and Reconciliation

As I was exiting Transfiguration’s class, Lily pulled me in the opposite direction of the student’s flow. I did postpone the explanation of what happened for after class. She waited for McGonagall to begin the lesson before she slide a piece of parchment to me. On it, she wrote two questions, without introduction or anything. 

**_You nearly got killed???_ **

**_Where did you spent the night???_ **

I let her drag me unto a deserted class nearby, before I told her everything about last night. 

\- Oh. James told me a little about it, but pieces were missing... She commented. Did I not warn you about Venitia, though? 

\- Are you really giving me a ‘’I told you so’’ speech right now? It is always easy to say that with insight, Red, I pouted. 

\- True, I’m sorry... I just regret to have letting you convince me that you were fine on your own. Just promise me you won’t go there alone again? I’ll go if need be! 

\- Allright, allright. Anyway I think I have all I needed for the assignment, I sighed. 

\- And... On another subject... Did you talk to Remus yet? She asked me, looking concerned. 

\- No, not yet, we were nearly late for Transfiguration and he must still be in the infirmary... And, even if... I... I don’t know, I kinda don’t know what to say to him...? Is there really something to say? I was more thinking that we should just forget about it. 

\- Well, knowing Rem’ like I do, he sure as hell would like to talk to you. He must feel miserable... 

\- I know... 

We went back upstairs, and I got lost in my daily routine, especially because of the fact that I lost half a day sleeping instead of doing the revision I needed for tomorrow’s... Also, Sirius was always lurking around, trying to distract me from my work, until it was time to go to Quidditch practice, as unhelpful as ever, even if I had to admit that I wasn’t really disliking the attention. 

As I was getting out of the shower after practice, I heard a racket coming from the next room and I hurried back to see what this was about. Entering the locker room, I saw what the laughter's and catcalling's were about. Sirius’ hair were royal blue. He was laughing with everyone, parading in the centre of the group and making a reverence. Hm. I guess that my prank didn’t have the effect I wanted. Then again, I should’ve known that my never-serious-boyfriend would turn that to his advantage. 

\- Oh, hey, love, I adore your choice of colour, see how good it looks with my Weird sister’s tee? I look like a Rockstar, don’t I? He smirked at me. 

\- I guess you do, I hate you, I said, joking. 

He came to face me. 

\- Nice try, Fury, but you’re an amateur competing against a professional, here, he teased me. 

\- I had to try, I guess, I said, crossing my arms, pouting a little. 

\- I can show you, you know, we could work together instead of against each other's, what do you say? He suggested. 

\- I’ll think about it, I said, smiling. 

*** 

_\- Dorcas can I talk to you? Remus asked me after class._

_\- Hm, yeah, sure, I said, following him to an empty classroom._

_He closed the door behind him and went to face me, with a nervous smile._

_\- What’s up? I asked him, trying to sound casual._

_\- You know what’s up, Dorcas, I wanted to talk about the other night, in the Forbidden Forest..._

_\- Remus, I know it isn’t your fault, you weren’t yourself..._

_\- Oh I know it wasn’t my fault, it was yours, he shrugged._

_\- What? I know I shouldn’t venture in the forest at night, but... I began, confused._

_\- Not just that, you know, you look so tasty... He said, a weird smile spreading across his face, his eyes gleaming with a very disturbing glow._

_I looked around, finding that the classroom looked suddenly way darker than when we arrived. I looked through the window and saw that in was in fact very dark, and later than I thought. The moon had rise. The full moon. I turned back to look at Remus, panic growing in my stomach. Remus wasn’t facing me. The werewolf was, and he jumped on me._

*** 

\- NoOOOOOOoooooooooooooo!!!! I shouted, sitting in my bed, waking all my roommates up. 

Lily and Mary were on me seconds later, while Marlene was looking at me from her bed, not bothering to come. 

\- What happened???? Mary asked me. 

\- I’m sorry, I said, disoriented, I... It was just a stupid nightmare, I added, still shaken. 

The dream was feeling so real, it was incredibly disturbing. It wasn’t something happening to me often, nightmares I mean. I never really had those that often as a child. It was the first time that I was really bothered by it. Enough to be a nuisance for people around me. I was feeling bad about it. When I reassured Mary that I was fine and that she should go back to sleep, she obeyed and went back to bed. Lily hugged me, then whispered in my ear. 

\- Was it about Remus? She asked. 

I nodded, feeling once more very stupid. I mean, what, I was feeling fine, why did I have to experience nightmares about it? Lily hugged me again, before she finally went back to bed. I looked at my watch and groaned at the sight of the time. It was only 3 AM and I was pretty sure that I wasn’t going back to sleep. Even if I was playing brave about it, I was still a little shaking, replaying those horrific and disturbing images in my head. After half an hour, when I was sure my roommates were sleeping, I got up and got out of my dorm. 

At first, I was planning to just chill out or read a book in the Common Room, but as I arrived down the stairs, I eyed the other flight of stairs. The one leading to the boy's dorms. The one leading to Sirius. I also knew that Remus wouldn’t be out of the Hospital wing for another day at least... I decided to climb those stairs. I opened the door very gently, wishing that it wouldn’t creak, and luck was on my side on this, as it opened soundlessly. It was pitch black in here, but it was easy to know where to walk since all the dorms were made on the same model. Sirius’ bed was the third one, so I tip-toed in front of Remus’ bed, which was empty, then Peter’s, where I could hear him snore, then Sirius’ was in front of me. His bed curtains were closed, so I opened them to sneak a peek inside. Since I was completely blind because of the absence of light, I just took the blanket and I slipped next to him unto bed. He seemed to be of the deep sleeper’s type, because that didn’t wake him up. When I gently cuddle him in his back, I sensed that he tensed at first, then his body relaxed after only seconds. He turned to me and passed his arms around me. 

\- Hmm... He just managed to say, his nose wandering in my neck, his arms hugging me, sharing the warmth of his sleeping body with mine. 

Then, his body tensed a little once more. As my eyes grew accustomed to the surrounding darkness, I saw him reaching under his pillow to take his wand. He silent casted something on his bed curtains. 

\- I blocked the sound to not wake the others, he explained with a still full of sleep’s voice. Is everything okay, Fury? You don’t usually come here at night, not that I have any complaint about that... He warmly added. 

\- I’m fine. I just... Had trouble sleeping, I eluded. So, I thought, how about trying to go back to sleep in my boyfriend’s arms? I said, feeling stupid. 

\- Hm. That was a good idea, I like sleeping surrounded by the scent of you, he said, sniffing my hair. 

\- That’s weird, is that a dog thing? I joked. 

\- I don’t know, maybe. Some things changed a little since I’m an Animagus. Is that too weird? 

\- Not that much, I’m not a dog and I also like the scent of you, I said kissing him just under his neck, feeling goose bumps there in reaction to my kiss. 

\- Hm. Definitely nice to have you here, he sighed, cuddling me more tightly. 

It didn’t take one minute that he was asleep again. I really picked a heavy sleeper, I thought, making myself comfortable and feeling that I was more and more drowsy too... 

*** 

I’ve been awoke by the sound of the curtain being drawn, revealing James’ head. 

\- Hey Pads, time to w... He began, then look at me, surprise in his eyes. Well, well, well, and what have we here? Morning, Meadowes, he grinned at me. 

\- Morning, I replied, a little shy to be discovered in Sirius’ bed by James of all people. 

\- Dorcas’ here? When did she arrived? Don’t come out, Dorcas, I need to dress up first! I heard a nervous Peter said. 

I heard some rambling and clearly in his haste he dropped something that rolled under the bed. 

\- Crap! I heard him say, and I laughed a little at his expense. 

\- Pads! Wake up, mate! James repeated, rolling his eyes. You wake him up, Meadowes, he decided, dropping it and going away. 

I rolled on my side and faced my boyfriend, still sleeping soundly. I poked him on the shoulder. Nothing. I shook his shoulder a little. He groaned. 

\- Sirius? 

\- Hm? 

\- You’ll have to do better than that, Meadowes, James said from farther in the dorm. 

\- Sirius! I said, louder. 

Still no answer, so I kind of lost it a little. 

\- SIRIUS BLACK, for merlin’s sake?! 

He opened his eyes, with a malicious glow in it. 

\- Morning Fury, he said, taking me in his arms. What’s the fuss about? 

\- You have less than 10 minutes to go before breakfast Pads! I heard James say. 

\- I don’t care, the hell with it, he answered, kissing my neck and hugging me. 

\- You’ll be even grumpier if you have to go to class on an empty stomach, pal, Peter added. 

\- But I have plenty to eat, just here, don’t I? he teased, beginning to pretend that he was eating my neck. 

\- Pfffff okay, I’m outta of here, I laughed, as I was fighting him to get out of his grasp. 

I opened the curtain and saw that James was all ready, sitting on his bed, looking at me with a smirk. Sirius magically opened his curtains, then went to sit on the verge of his bed. He was a vision, just out of bed in the morning. Bare torso, black pyjamas trousers, looking up at me while ruffling his messy and very blue, hair. Did I just snuggle in bed with this incredibly hot wizard? And why again was James and Peter here, looking at me with a mocking smile? I certainly would have jump on Sirius otherwise. Also, I was a little self-conscious, remembering how I usually look like a crazy hag in the morning. Crap. 

\- Hey, Dorcas, Peter greeted me, fancy seeing you here this fine morning, he laughed. 

\- Well, yeah, I hope it’s not bothering you, I blushed. 

\- No, no, don’t fret, Peter said. 

\- You’re always welcome here, Sirius said, taking my hand. 

Then, he turned to James, who was behind him, casually seated on his bed. 

\- How much time do I have left, you said? Sirius asked him. 

\- A very quick shower, James replied. 

\- I’m off to it, then, he said, getting up. 

\- I’ll hurry to do the same, I said. 

\- Well, it would be quicker to come with me, Sirius smiled seductively down at me. 

\- Yeah, right, quicker, hm, I said, laughing and also blushing at the thought of it. See you later, I said. 

\- Later, he said, his fingers still holding mine squeezing them briefly, then letting me go before he turned to head to the bathroom. 

\- Later, Meadowes, James winked at me. 

I just nodded, still blushing a little, before I head out of the dorm. As I was going downstairs, I crossed some Gryffindor’s boys that looked very surprised to see me here, making me feel like this was the most awkward walk of my life. I entered my dorm, where there was only Lily left, who was getting out of the bathroom. 

\- Dor! Where were you? She asked me. 

\- After my nightmare, I went to sleep with Sirius, I shrugged. 

\- Oh! Nice. You were able to go back to sleep? 

\- Yeah, I never thought I would, the nightmare was... Just, I will have difficulty to erase those images from my brain... I’ll take a very quick shower, Red, I’ll meet you down at breakfast? 

\- Oh it’s fine, I’ll wait for you, she said, but hurry! 

*** 

\- And what do you guys plan to do to Hogsmeade tomorrow? Peter asked us, as we were eating dinner that night. 

\- Hm... Dorcas and I were planning Christmas shopping, Lily said. And you lot? 

\- Same, I guess, Peter said. 

\- We could regroup after for a butterbeer at the Three broomstick? James suggested. 

\- Not a bad idea, I shrugged, we could... 

I was stopped in the middle of my sentence by the arrival of Remus on the other side of the table. 

\- Hi, guys, Remus said, with a small voice, but looking directly at me. 

\- Heum... Hi, I replied. 

I was trying to not replay my nightmares as I was looking at his face. The alterations from my dreams were so gruesome, Remus was so nice and friendly, I was stupid to even dream of those things... He took place and we resumed the conversation, agreeing to meet at three pm for a butterbeer. As we were heading out of the Great Hall, Remus approached me and pulled on my sleeve. 

\- Dorcas? A word, please? He asked with a tired voice. 

\- Wh... Where? I asked. 

\- We could go to an emtpy cl... He said. 

\- How about the grounds? I asked instead, remembering my nightmare. 

\- Hm. Yeah, sure, he agreed. 

We went outside and seated ourselves on marble benches. He was fidgeting with his fingers nervously. 

\- How are you? I asked him. 

\- Oh. I don’t know, completely fine, I guess, since I just nearly killed you, he said, with a false smile that was a little disturbing. 

\- Remus... It was partly my fault I shouldn’t have been in the Forbidden Forest at this hour... 

\- Yeah, damn right you shouldn’t. The bloody forest is actually crawling with dangerous monsters like me... 

\- Remus, look at me, I said, putting my hand on his arm. 

He shook his head, getting his arm out of my reach. 

\- I remember it, you know. I may not be myself, when I transform, but I remember everything. And you know what I remember? Your scent. I know your scent, Dorcas. When I’m about to turn... My wolf instincts are acute... I hear and smell better... You smell like... A mix of lavender and vanilla, mint and something musky, I think that’s the oil you use on your broom, because the Quidditch players all got that scent... Anyway... I recognized your scent, back there, in the forest. I knew it was you. It was instantaneous, the instinct to kill you and devour you. I never wanted anything more than that, never felt something as strongly as that. If I would have got to you before you escaped, you would be in pieces... 

I felt my resolve diminish a little, the little nausea that his words were provoking in me. I shook my head to not let it get to me. 

\- Okay, enough, I said, getting up. Look at me. 

He still shook his head once more in negation. 

\- REMUS LUPIN, WILL YOU BLOODY LOOK AT ME? I shouted. 

He finally raised his head and looked. He was looking miserable, pain was all over his features, and disgust, clearly for himself. 

\- It was no doubt the most horrifying experience I’ve had in my whole life, I began. 

\- SEE? Even you admit that... 

\- I’M NOT DONE, I shouted. It was, indeed, Remus. Yeah, you’re a werewolf. It’s a damn curse. Each month, you transform, against your will, unto a creature that crave violence and blood. IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT. You may remember it, but you would never want to be this way normally, would you? 

\- Of course no, but... 

\- THERE’S NO BUT! That’s what this is about. I was wandering in the woods at night, a very stupid idea, and you blokes were running in the wild, a very stupid idea, too. We’re all stupid, and it was just a random, stupid, nearly tragic, ACCIDENT. GOT IT? 

\- … 

He just kept his eyes fixed on mine, unable to say anything more. 

\- Now Remus, the experience was frightening, true. But it won’t ever happen again, because you’ll be more careful as well as I will. You’re a werewolf once a month for some hours. The rest of the time you’re one of my best friends and I love you, all right? 

He gulped, then nodded, still looking a little sad. 

\- I just... It just made me realise even more what a danger I am. You know, about Marlene... I was unable to love her. Not that I didn’t try. I thought that it was because of you, Dorcas. But it’s not. I abandoned the idea of us two together that morning in the infirmary. 

\- Remus... 

\- It’s true, though. I saw how much you were into Sirius and how deep he was, too. Also, I never wanted that life for you. And that was what I realised, when you turned me down. I was fooling myself, thinking that I could have that. A normal relationship. 

\- Of course, you can. 

\- Dorcas. You don’t understand what it is, what it implies, to be a werewolf. You reacted greatly to the news. Most people, they’re at best afraid, but usually it’s disgust they feel. Do you often hear about werewolves living a normal life? 

\- No, but, I mean... 

\- Because no-one wants a werewolf in their life. We’re outcasts. Most are hiding, half-wild... I have the incredible chance to have close friends who accept me like I am. Who even accompany me when I transform. Who are working on a potion to help me. I’m the luckiest bastard. But, a wife? Kids? Never heard of that. I mean, hell, maybe the kids would be cursed like me? Hell no. Nobody deserves that. 

I stay muted, wanting very hard to debate on this, surely there was a solution... but what do I know? He’s the first werewolf I met, after all. That was all so sad... Remus was such a good person... 

\- So, about Marlene... I tried, she’s... Intelligent, funny, and so, so beautiful... I think that would have been easy, to really fall for her... You know? 

\- I do. Hell, even I could fall for her, I smiled at him. 

\- Thing is. I don’t want to. I don’t want her to know about my condition. I don’t want this life for her. 

\- Don’t you think that it’s her decision to make? 

\- No. I don’t. It’s mine. That’s my burden, I love her enough to not want her to bear it. She’ll get over me, and find someone that would give her the life she wants, and deserved. 

\- Remus... You deserves it too... I said, feeling the tears run down my cheeks. 

\- I know I do, Dorcas. I’m a good person to whom bad things happened. Fenrir Greyback ripped me of that path of a normal life when he bit me years ago. It’s the way I choose to live it. That could’ve been worse, I’m surrounded by incredible friends, I went to Hogwarts... For a werewolf, I did well.. He said, turning to me and smiling. 

Then, seeing the tears on my face, his smiled faded and he put his hand on my arm. 

\- Don’t cry, I’m fine, I promise. 

I wiped my tears and nodded, still pretty sad. 

\- I’m very happy, you know, for you and Sirius. You two deserved each other, he smiled. 

\- He never really told me how you two... Had... Settled this situation... 

\- He was a mess. You know, that time, when Duncan made a show of snogging you in front of us? 

\- Yeah? 

\- Don’t tell him I told you. But... He lost it, that night. I realised then how much he was unto you. I always thought that it was just to bug me, you know? That’s Sirius’ style. To joke, taunt and all... So, at first, when I wrote your name on that stupid list, he was just teasing me about you. But, I don’t know, for the last year or so... He clearly began to openly flirt with you. I thought that he was messing with me, mostly. Not in a nasty, mean way, he never wanted to really hurt me... I just thought that it was his new way to tease me, to push me to make a move or something... I don’t know. But, that night I realised that it was no joke. That wasn’t about me at all. It wasn’t deliberate. He was unto you, pretty bad. So, that night, we had a real talk, about it... About you. And voila. 

\- I really wish I never hurt you, though, I sighed. 

\- And I wish I never hurt Marlene, Dorcas, but that's not how things work. People get hurts, sometimes, even if we don’t want to hurt them. That’s called life. 

\- I do wish that you’ll meet somebody, someday, that would force you to reconsider everything... I said. 

\- Who knows? I can’t say that I don’t secretly wish the same, he winked at me. 

I was so cold that my teeth actually started to chatter. 

\- Are you cold? He asked me, raising an eyebrow. 

\- I’m freezing to death, I agreed. 

\- Let’s go back, then, he said, getting up, and I followed him. May I remind you that you’re the one who wanted to come outside in the cold? he said. 

\- Ye-ah... About that, it was because I dreamt that we talked in a vacant classroom and you transformed and eat me? I said, nudging him. 

\- You’re not telling me that I’m giving you nightmares? He said, looking horrified. 

\- Only once. Or twice. But, you have to admit, you’re very intimidating as a werewolf. But, I don’t think that will happen again, now that we talked about it. 

\- I sure hope so! He sighed. 

\- I assure you, that I find you not intimidating for one bit right now, so I should be all right, I laughed, linking my arm to his as we went back to the castle. 

*** 

\- What do you think? Lily asked me, showing me a dark red jumper, she intended to offer to James. 

\- Yeah, not bad, I said, uninterested. 

I was still trying to figure out what to give Sirius for Christmas. 

\- Hey Lils? I asked her, suddenly inspired. Would you mind taking me shopping during the holidays? 

\- No, I don’t. And we could go with my parent’s car, since I got my licence. 

\- Wouldn’t be faster to just apparate there? I asked. 

\- Sure, it would. But where’s the fun in that? We could eat snacks and listen to very loud music on the way in, it’s fun, you’ll see! 

\- Let’s do this, then, I agreed. I want to buy Sirius the thing that you muggles use to play music. 

\- A stereo, that's what it's called, she laughed at me. 

\- How would I know? You think he would like it? 

\- Sure, he would. I’ll buy the new Queen’s disk for him to go with it, it would be a perfect coordinate gift, don’t you think? 

\- That Queen band, is it any good? 

\- pfff. Wizards, she rolled said rolling her eyes at me. It's excellent, she added. 

\- Great, then, I can scratch that on my list. I’m done, I think... And you? 

He was the biggest chunk on my list. My parents were easy, I bought my mom a book, and a fancy magic pen for my dad. I bought multi-coloured magic flowers seeds for gran, she will love it. I bought a great tote bag for Mary, a great golden scarf to Marlene, even though were not in speaking terms lately, I never NOT bought her a Christmas’ gift since I know her, so... I bought Remus a muggle novel called Monte Cristo, recommended by Lils. I bought Peter an assortment of Zonko’s best stuff. I chose a broom maintenance kit for James and finally, a very fancy kit of vials containing the most common potion ingredients from a Diagon Alley’s apothecary for Lily. I ordered it by post. My owl dropped it on me a week ago. 

\- Yep, I’m done too. Is it time to join the others? Lily asked me, while she was putting our purchases in her marvellous magically expended tote bag. 

\- Nearly, yes, let’s go, then, I replied. 

We went out of the shop and headed in direction of the Three broomsticks. We were going to the main street of Hogsmeade, using a parallel alley, when a door opened in front of us. The copper-coloured skin women I saw in Diagon Alley months ago was there, coming from that door, followed by the tall man that I recognized too. I stop dead in my track, freezing for a second. Was that really them? I’ve never been sure it was, I just had very strong suspicion about it... Lily stopped too, not knowing what was going on. I thought about my wand, safely stashed in my purse. The man rose his eyes to me, and his wand was on me before I even had the time to touch my purse. 

I felt my head bang against the wall as I was hit by an unformulated spell. The shock was so hard that it gave me nausea. Lily shouted before the women jumped on her to silence her. The door opened once more and Mulciber got out of it. 

\- Garrett, what’s...? Then he saw us. Oh, great, what a happy surprise, your paths have crossed again! He said, looking at me with a wicked grin. 

The so-called Garrett closed in on me in two long strides. His hand was on my neck in an instant and I felt myself rose higher on the wall. 

\- You little scum, you’ll pay for when we last met, he said, his eyes mad with anger. 

I wanted to tell him off, because it was in my nature, even if at the time it would have been a really bad idea. Thing is, I couldn’t, because he was kind of strangling me on the spot. 

\- Well, I’ll leave you to it, I’m off, Mulciber said, raising his hands as if to say I’m not to be involved, but do as you may. Oh and, by-the-way, that red head is a mudblood, he added loathfully. 

He disappeared from my sight as he was heading off of the alley. The bloody bastard. I knew he was not to trust. I knew that he was a wannabe Death eater. But, really? To leave Lily and me here to what? Die? 

\- I’m not killing you, Meadowes, but you’ll suffer, and your mudblood’s friend will too... Garrett whispered to me. 

\- PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL, HURRY, MY FRIENDS ARE IN DANGER!!! I heard a scream from the end of the alley. 

It was Marlene. 

*** 

\- I want you to tell me exactly what happened in that alley, Professor Dumbledore was asking me and Lily, as Pomfrey was attending to my head and throat. 

Professor McGonagall and Marlene were there as well. 

\- You... remember the encounter I had in Diagon Alley last summer, sir? I asked with difficulty, my throat hurting, and my voice croaked. 

\- I recall you got attacked by Death eaters who wanted to get to your parents, yes, he said. 

\- Well, we run unto them as I was leaving Gifts and Gibbs to get to the main street, I said. I first saw the woman, then the man named Garrett. I wasn’t sure if those were really the ones who attacked me back then... But then, they confirmed they were by attacking us. Then... Mulciber came out after them. 

\- Augustus Mulciber? Asked Professor McGonagall. 

\- Yes. Confirmed Lily. He arrived as Garrett was strangling Dorcas. He seemed to know about the grudge those two had against her. He went away, but not before he told them that I was a mudblood, Lily sighed, looking at her hands. 

\- The bastard! I heard Marlene say next to me. 

\- And that’s when Marlene saw us, I said, looking at her. 

She sustained my gaze for a second before she turned to Dumbledore. 

\- I was heading to Gifts and Gibbs too, and as I turned in the alley, I saw those people attacking my friends. It happened that Professor McGonagall was getting out of the Three Broomsticks, so I called on her to help, Marlene finished. 

\- I was indeed getting out of the Three Broomsticks with Hagrid, as we were the ones accompanying the students for the trip. I saw the two individuals... 

\- The Death Eaters, I specified. 

\- They were not wearing the usual... Professor McGonagall began. 

\- They attacked Hogwarts’ students, what more do you need? I said outraged. 

\- Calm down, Miss Meadowes, no-one is saying that you aren’t right, go on, Minerva, Dumbledore said to her. 

She glared at me, before she went on. 

\- As I was saying, I saw them releasing Miss Meadowes here, and running in the opposite direction for a second before they disapparated. I told Hagrid to gather the students to come back here and I bring back those three with me, she finished. You know what it means, Albus. 

\- I fear I do, it looks like the end of students’ trips to Hogsmeade... He sighed. 

\- Whaaaatt? Marlene exclaimed. 

\- You don’t realise, Miss McKinon. The war is raging outside those walls. You-know-who rallied more and more people by his side... Professor McGonagall said to her. 

\- So what, you’ll keep us locked up? I croaked as well as I could. 

\- The security of the students... Your security, she continued, is our responsibility. You just got attacked, in broad daylight, in the middle of Hogsmeade, Miss Evans and you. Things are getting out of hands, we must guarantee your security or parents will take back their children and the school will close, she finished gloomily. 

Just the thought of it dreaded me. How could there be no Hogwarts? And all of this mess because of a sociopath getting more and more popular and running freely... I was hoping very hard that my parents would get him, even if that was kind of unlikely. The bloke was too powerful... 

They let themselves out, followed by Lily. Marlene was not looking as if she would follow our roommate and instead stayed. 

\- Everything’s fine, Marl’, she just wants to keep a look at me because of the risk of concussion, I shrugged, explaining why I was to stay a little while in the Hospital wing. 

\- When I saw you, being strangled by that psycho... She began. 

\- I’m fine... And that was because of you, thanks... I said awkwardly. 

\- This stupid fight, because of men, of all reasons... She said, shaking her head. I realised even more today... Things can turn bad in an instant, you know? You, me, Lily, Mary... We could die tomorrow because of that stupid war... And here I am, resenting you, one of my best friends, because Remus loves you? It’s not even your fault! 

\- I don’t blame you, that’s a shitty situation you’re in because of me... I sighed, thinking of the recent heart-to-heart I had with Remus. 

Before we entered the castle that night, I promised him that I wouldn’t tell Marlene. That I would mind my own business... 

\- Dorcas, what’s important is our friendship, Marlene said. You didn’t betray me or anything. You never asked for Remus to fall for you. As for Sirius, I’m very very happy for you both... She said, her voice breaking and a tear rolling down her left cheek. It’s stupid. I love you, Dorcas, let’s not fight ever again? 

\- What a brilliant idea, I said, feeling a water accumulation in my eyes too. 

She came to hug me, and I couldn’t refrain some tears of happiness and relief. We heard someone approaching and she let go of me to look. It was Sirius, seeing us too having a moment, he took a step back. 

\- I can come back later, he began. 

\- Nope, it’s fine, everything was said, Marlene smiled at me. Love you, Dore, she finished, blowing kisses in my direction on her way out. 

Sirius looked at her as she was leaving, then he came closer to me. 

\- What happened Fury? He said, looking at me. 

His hands gently took my chin up to look at my neck. 

\- Not much, just got attacked by the Death eater I managed to disarm weeks ago, I smirked cockily. 

He grinned at me. 

\- Was he mad? He asked. 

\- I would say that he was. There’s some unfinished business going on. Now I have a name, at least. He’s called Garrett. 

\- I wish I would have been with you, I crave a fight against those bastards, he said. 

\- That was lame, actually. I never got the time to get to my wand. 

\- You should never put it out of reach, Dorcas, he lectured me. 

\- Believe me, lesson learned... I’ll never be caught not ready for a fight again. 

\- That’s my girl, he smiled at me. 

\- That’s what I like best about you, I think, I said. 

\- What? He asked, intrigued. 

\- You want to kick ass too, I winked. And you don’t worry too much. 

\- Oh, I can guarantee you that I was worried about you. Then I learned that you were fine, so it stopped, he shrugged. 

\- We won’t be able to visit Hogsmeade anymore because of me, though, I said. 

\- That’s would be a shame. If we didn’t have ways to go anyway, he winked at me. 

\- True. One of the advantages I gain being close to you, I smiled. 

\- See? Told you I was a catch, he winked at me. So, staying here late? Will she let you go anytime soon? He asked. 

\- It’s stupid, I feel all right, except for my manly voice, that is. 

\- Yeah, that voice is a turn-off indeed, he laughed. I think I’m gonna rename you George. 

\- Geez, thanks, I rolled my eyes. Anyway, she said she want to keep me here for a couple of hours in case there was a concussion. 

\- All right, then, he said, taking off his shoes. 

\- What are you doing? I raised an eyebrow. 

\- Make room for me, he said, as he climbed in bed next to me. Looks like a fine place to hang out, he said. 

\- Yeah, until Miss Pomfrey comes back and kick your butt out, I smiled. 

\- Until then, he said, taking my face in his hands and kissing me. 

After a minute, we heard the curtain being pulled briskly. 

\- MISTER BLACK?! GET OUT OF HERE IMMEDIATELY!!! We heard Pomfrey said. 

We turned to her with stupid grins and saw that she wasn’t alone. My parents were behind her. 


	32. Of Intimacy and Slug Club

I froze at the sight of my parents. Sirius managed somewhat to elegantly jump out of the bed, reach out for his shoes, then came closer to my parents. 

\- Great to finally meet you, Mr and Mrs Meadowes, he said politely. 

My dad was looking at him with a stern look, my mom managed to crack a little smile to him. 

\- Nice to meet you, she grinned. 

He nodded to them and got out of the infirmary, with a last naughty glance my way. 

\- Heum... I’ll leave you in family, Miss Pomfrey said, looking a little awkward. 

As soon as she were farther, my parents came closer. 

\- Who’s that young man? My dad asked me. 

\- Sirius Black, Richard, we talked about him, don’t you remember? My mom said, rolling her eyes at him. You two finally got together? She asked me with a smile. Why on earth didn’t you tell it to me? There’s mail, you know! She flicked my hand. 

\- Luvinia, my dad said. 

\- All right, all right, I know, that’s not the reason why we’re here. But don’t think you won’t be questioned as soon as you come home for Christmas, she said, pointing me with an accusatory finger. 

\- Dumbledore called us, he told us you had a bad encounter with Garrett Villeroy, my dad said, ignoring my mom. 

\- Yeah, that was not that bad, you shouldn’t have come, I’m fine, I said. 

\- Not that bad? And what about your neck? Mom said, inspecting it. 

\- It's fine, Mrs Pomfrey was more worried about a possible concussion than she was about my neck, I shrugged. 

\- Honey, I can't begin to tell you how sorry we are that those people are targeting you. This is all our fault... She said. 

\- Mom. I'll be target one way or another, I'll be an Auror too, if they let me in... 

\- what a non-comforting thougtht, she shook her head, with a sad expression. 

\- We never wanted that path for you, my dad repeated, for what seemed like the hundredth time. 

\- You know I won't change my mind, though, I inherited your stubbornness, I smiled. 

\- I know and it's my job to try to convince you otherwise, like my dad did years ago, he winked at me. 

\- Sooo? I said, how about Garrett Villeroy? 

\- We’ve been on his track for a while now, my mom sighed. So, we'll take all the information you can give us about him. Was he with Rosy Gallagher? 

\- If you’re talking about a beautiful copper-colored-skin women with brown hair, yeah, he was with her. 

We exchanged informations about the, as they shared with me, happy Death eaters couple. My parents arrested Garrett’s brother last spring and they’ve been playing cat and mouse since then. My parents stayed a little while with me, then they left when Pomfrey came to say that I was free to go, after eating first, a platter she brought me. 

\- We’ll see you in a couple of weeks, Dory, my mom said, hugging me. I’m very happy for you, you know, about the Black boy, she whispered in my ear. 

\- I don’t think that dad is as enthusiastic as you are about it, I whispered back. 

She laughed and rolled her eyes before they went back to Dumbledore’s office to get back using his chimney. I arrived to my Common Room at around nine in the evening. All the group were seating there in front of the fire. 

\- Hey, how are you hon? Lily asked me as I was entering. 

\- I’m fine, I said, going to sit on Sirius’ lap, since everywhere else was taken. 

\- So... How was my first impression on your parents? He asked me with a grin. 

\- Depends. There’ll be a little work for my dad’s approval. But I think that my mom will be easily won over, I smiled. 

\- Really? They litterally caught us snogging in a bed, he laughed. 

\- Wow, every parent’s dream, Marlene laughed. 

\- I’m sure that kind of situation never happened to you, Mckinon, James laughed at her. 

\- Ooff. I got way worse, I caught my parents doing it, once, she said, mimicking vomiting. 

\- Eeeewww!!!! Lily said, I think I would’ve gouged my eyes out. Who needs to see after witnessing such a horrific sight? 

\- Well, I guess that I should be grateful that they’re still in love? Marlene said, shrugging. 

\- Ew. No, they’re not allowed to have sex. That’s a no, Lily laughed. 

We hang out for some time before we all went back to bed a while later. I was grateful that tomorrow was sunday, even if I got a lot of studying to do, I wasn’t forced to get up early. I fell asleep pretty fast that night... Until I was awoken by movement on my bed. I thought that it would be Grey, the cat often chose to sleep with me, but I realised as I was really waking up that it wasn’t Grey. It was way bigger. It was Sirius. He magically closed the curtains and, I guessed, casted a Muffliato in the room, before he came to snuggle with me. 

\- Hey, you, I said, very happy for the nocturn visit. 

\- I was unable to sleep, I thought that maybe you would help, he said, kissing me gently. 

\- That was a fantastic idea, I said, pressing my body on his. 

He kissed me gently on my shoulder, making me shiver all over. What was it with him that was getting to me this way? I mean, I was a complete amateur in the sex area, but when I was snuggled with him, I would just directly strip off of my clothes and get on with it. I took his face in my hands and kissed him more intensely. My hands trailed down his neck, his shoulders, then his chest. He groaned a little in my mouth in reaction to my caresses. His hands trailed my back, hips, then my ribs... I guess that because we were in the dark, and that the others were not supposed to hear that much with the Muffliato, I gained confidence. I took his hand, that was now caressing my tummy and put it on my breast. He groaned once more, clearly pleased with the turn of events. I gasped at his touch, and he kissed me even deeper. Encouraged by his response, I trailed my hand down his chest to the waistband of his pyjama’s trousers. 

\- Hmmm... As much as I’m craving you... This here, may not be the place for that... He whispered in my ear. If we’re both doing things the right way, and I have no doubts we will, we will get loud, Fury. I fully intend to make you lose it and scream, and my lousy spell won’t be able to cover that much noise... 

Just the thought of it was firing up my underbelly. I was revelling in those new sensations I was experiencing. I cannot lie, I was disappointed, but the promise was appealing indeed. 

\- Are you mad? He asked, as I wasn’t saying anything. 

\- I don’t think I am. But... you want me, right? I asked, needing the reassurance. 

\- Are you really asking this? You’ve no idea how much, Dorcas. The things I want to do to you... He said with a hoarse voice. 

\- Like what? I insisted, really curious to know. 

\- Hm. First, I want to see and taste every bit of you, he whispered in my ears. Do you want that too? 

\- I do... I said. What else? 

\- I want to kiss you, down there, he said, trailing his hand between my thighs. 

I didn’t answer, equally embarrassed and turned on. 

\- And a lot of other things. It’s just... I want to do those things the right way. I want you to enjoy it and not feel rushed, and also, finding a quiet and private place for it, which is a pain in the ass in this bloody school, he sighed. 

\- It’s a good thing vacations are close, then, I said. 

\- True, they are, he agreed. 

\- And that I now have the key to a cozy flat, I added in his ears. 

\- Hm, that sound like a great opportunity indeed, he said, caressing my thigh, going up from my knee to my hips. 

His hand trailed up to cup my breast once more, making me gasp again. 

\- I thought you wanted to stop, I asked him, wanting the exact opposite. 

\- I do. I’m stopping. Right now, he said, while his hand was still caressing my breast. 

He kissed me again, his tongue sliding in my mouth and dancing with mine. 

\- I’ll just... I just want to give you a little taste of it... He whispered to me, while his hand was letting go of my breast and was heading south. 

I was about to ask a question, but then, his hand crawled under my pyjama, over my underwear. That sensation was so exhilarating, that it felt as if the bed was spinning around us. I felt his mouth form a smile as he was still kissing me deeply, in reaction to the evident pleasure he was giving me. His hand began to move slowly, making me feel as if everything happening in the world that wasn’t connected to that area of my body didn’t exist anymore. I felt like I wanted to moan, like not a subtle kind of moan. 

\- Sirius... I began, feeling at a lost for word, wanting him to stop, because I would completely lose it, but at the same time, feeling like for him to stop would be the saddest thing that would ever happened to me. I know, this is a ridiculous thought. But I wasn’t very lucid at the moment. 

\- Do you like it? He asked. 

\- Yes... I managed to moan in reply. 

His hand went in my underwear, directly in contact with my sensitive skin. He caught up on a faster pace, making me gasp even louder, now that the direct touch was increasing the sensation considerably. Not knowing how to manage the sound produced by my growing pleasure, I turned my face to my pillow and bit it. All hell broke loose then, his hand went even faster, making me grab his shoulder and dig my nails in it. 

\- Nearly there, right? He whispered in my ear. 

I lost all sense of reality, just focusing on the growing fire that was coming from his touch. It overwhelmed me in an instant, making me muffle my scream in my pillow as an explosion occurred down there. He removed his hand and kissed me fervently, while I was hyperventilating and completely out of it. 

\- So... Was I any good? He asked with an amused voice. 

I wondered how on Merlin was I supposed to speak at the moment, as I was still trying to come back to reality, overwhelmed by what happened to my body. How can a simple touch feel so good? There was still something like electric currents that kept going through my body in waves. 

\- Han-han... was all I managed to say. 

He laughed a little, caressing my hair and kissing my face. After some time, I don’t know how long, I managed to regain enough control over my body and brain to be able to kiss him back. 

\- Tell me, that wasn’t your first orgasm? He asked in my ear. 

\- It was, I replied, very embarrassed. 

\- Well, I’m very grateful to have been given the honour, he whispered. But, Fury, you shouldn’t have wait for someone on that matter, you have hands you know, he said with a mocking voice. 

\- Hey, don’t laugh at me, I swat his shoulder. 

\- Just keep that in mind, that’s all I'm saying, he added, keeps you warm during cold winter nights... 

\- I’ll keep that in mind, I said, yawning. 

\- Other interesting fact, you sleep very well after an orgasm, he whispered with an amused voice. Let’s sleep? 

\- I... Do you want... Something? I asked him, feeling like I should somehow return the favour to him, even though I didn’t really know how. 

\- Don’t worry, I’m fine, we’ll have other occasions, he said. This here was just the beginning, he whispered to me. 

I nodded, feeling myself already drifting unto sleep... 

*** 

\- Lene, can I borrow this? I heard Lily say, as I was waking up. 

\- Yeah, sure, Marlene answered. 

The warmth I felt before I opened my eyes reminded me that I wasn’t alone in my bed. Hm. I remembered what we did hours ago, and I got a little reaction of fire between my legs just at the thought of it... I opened my eyes to see that Sirius was still fast asleep, his face completely relaxed, his mouth half-open. I sat, trying not to wake him up, even if I knew that it was nearly impossible to do so without properly shaking him... I crawled out of bed, keeping the bed curtains shot, turning my back to Marlene and Lily by doing so. 

\- Morning, Dor’, why don’t you open your bed curtains? Lily asked. 

I turned around to face them with a small shy smile. Marlene's eyes grew wider, and she pointed my bed. 

\- Is Sirius there? How is that even possible??? Marlene asked. 

Yeah. He wasn’t supposed to be able to come here, I remembered. I tried to think quick about a reason how he could have managed it. 

\- You know those blokes, Marlene, so inventive, do you really think that they didn’t figure out a way to bypass the enchanted stairs? Mary laughed. 

Good one, I should have thought about it myself, but I was just waking up, my brain was still malfunctioning. And I needed to pee. Very badly. 

\- Let’s talk about this in a minute, I need to go to the loo first, I said, seeing on my way there that the girls were already sneaking on Sirius by a slit in my bed curtains. 

I rolled my eyes, smiling, as I finally relieved myself by peeing for nearly an entire minute. Returning in the dorm, I looked at the time and realised that I missed breakfast by far, as it was happening often on the weekends. I was by far preferring to over-sleep than to eat breakfast. Priorities, right? 

\- So, Dorcas, you and that boyfriend of yours sleep often together, anything interesting to say about that? Marlene asked me with a smirk. 

\- Yeah, it’s warm and cozy, I shrugged, ignoring her real question. 

\- I wish I got someone to keep me warm and cozy too, dreamily said Mary. 

\- How warm? Marlene smirked. 

\- May I remind you that said boyfriend is here? I replied, pointing my bed. 

\- Yeah, fast asleep, Marlene laughed. He was practically drooling. 

\- I wasn’t drooling, Mckinnon, we heard from my bed. 

\- Weren’t you asleep a minute ago? She replied. 

\- I don’t know, I’m not anymore. But don’t mind me, go on, girls, I’m very interested in that conversation of yours, he said. 

I didn’t have to look in a mirror to know that my face was surely turning crimson red. Marlene laughed at his intervention. 

\- We’ll wait for you to go away, then, she teased him. 

\- Damn it, I knew I should’ve shut up, he replied. 

\- How could you, you never did before, Lily laughed at him. 

I heard my curtains being magically opened, revealing a stretching up Sirius. 

\- Morning, he smiled to us. 

\- Morning, Mary answered, did you sleep well? 

\- I always do, especially when I'm lucky enough to sleep near that gorgeous roommate of yours, he said, gazing at me with a smile. What time is it, Dorcas? I’m famished, he added, with a very seductive smile. 

I gulped at the thought that maybe that affirmation had a double meaning. 

\- Heum... It’s nearly eleven, I managed to formulate. 

\- Great, I’ll be out, then, he said, reaching for his slippers under my bed, then for something like a pile of cloth. 

Oh, I know that colour. It was James’ invisibility cloak. 

\- So, planning to disappear to go back unnoticed? Lily asked him, seeing the cloak. 

\- Yes and no, I want people to fall in the slide, not knowing why it happened, much funnier, he said, flashing us his crooked smile. 

\- That’s nasty! Mary said, but clearly finding the idea funny, as she was smiling too. 

\- Well, then, I’m off, see you later, girls, he said to them, doing a small bow. 

He then came to face me. 

\- And see you later, Fury, he said, his eyes deeply fixed to mine, before he kissed me gently. 

\- See you, I managed to answer, missing him already, as he was turning on his heels. 

He turned to us, putting a finger over his mouth with a naughty expression, before he put the cloak on, and disappeared on us. The door opened and closed, and he was gone. A second later we heard the screams of the girls who were unlucky enough to get caught in the slide. 

\- Perfect, then, Dorcas, did you or did you not have sex with him, yet? Marlene asked me. 

\- Marlene...! I said, offended. 

\- What? A fair question, isn’t it? The only reason why I didn’t ask you days ago was before I wasn’t talking to you at all, she replied with a grin. 

\- Also, this is a question you asked me not long ago, too, Lily crossed her arms, grinning to me too. 

\- Hmpf... I said, feeling squeezed. 

\- That is so NOT an answer, Mary said. 

\- We didn’t... Go all the way... He just... Merlin this is awkward... Let’s just say that... I had A LOT of fun. 

\- And by that, you mean he made you come? Marlene asked, still smirking at me. 

I said nothing, feeling my cheeks changing color. Again. 

\- FINALLY! Marlene exclaimed, laughing. And? What else happened? 

\- Heum. He didn't let me return the favour... He said that we have plenty of time for that, I said. Is that... Do you think that it’s because I’m unexperienced and that he knows that I will be bad at it? I asked, completely honest about my insecurities. 

\- You’re kidding, right? Marlene asked. 

\- He’s just being a gentleman, hon, Lily said. 

\- You sure? I insisted. I might be very bad at it, you know. 

\- You can’t, Marlene said. 

\- How can you possibly know that? I never tried with anyone, I pouted. 

\- You love him, right? Marlene asked. 

\- Yes... 

\- You find him attractive, right? Marlene continued. 

\- Merlin, yes... I said, my mouth watering just at the thought of him. 

\- How do you feel when you two are into an intense snogging session? She persisted. 

\- Like... We’re never close enough... Like it’s never enough... 

\- Like your clothes are in the way? She smirked at me. 

\- Well, yeah... I blushed. 

\- Then you have your answer, love, you want him as bad as he wants you. Don’t worry, the sex will be good, and for both of you, you lucky bastards, she said, throwing her pillow at me. 

Her reassurance was so appreciated that I didn’t even think of vengeance for the uncalled pillow attack, and that was something... 

*** 

I was unable to concentrate, even though I specially decided to come to the library to study for the mi-terms exams that were scheduled for next week. I was especially nervous about Potions, what a surprise... Although I was getting better at it, with every week extra lessons I took for months now, Merlin knows I put efforts on that dreadful subject... I was better at it, in class, but how was I supposed to know about exams? Those grades were crucial for me... Yesterday, I received a pre-acceptance from the Magical law enforcing department. It was in no way a real acceptance. There was a lot of IF’s to it. 

  * IF I was to get Optimal in all my school subjects, something I was awfully nervous about. 

  *   * IF I passed the painful physical test 

  * 


And last, but not the least: 

  * IF they want me to be an Auror after I pass those first two requirements. 

  * 


That third one was decided over a long and difficult interview with the chief of the Auror Department... 

And here I was, stupidly thinking about silly things of my day-to-day life instead of studying. I need to add, I was in a very good mood, in my life in general, when I was not dreading about my uncertain future. Marlene and I were closer than ever since we reconciled. Also, she was herself looking better after she ended things with Remus. She did it not long after our ‘fight’. She told me that it was for the best, she knew that it would never work out. I hope she’s fine, like she’s telling me she is. True to herself, she threw herself in a new passionate and torrid relationship with a mysterious bloke she doesn’t want to tell us about... Mary had suspicion that she wouldn’t tell because it might be a Slytherin... Those blokes were especially not known to get involved with someone from our House, of all places. 

Second source of joy, we beat Ravenclaw’s ass last Sunday at Quidditch, disqualifying them for the finals, giving us their third place. Whatever happens now, we were not in the last position at the end, and that was very good news. James won’t shup up about it, now that he was allowed to hope for the Quidditch Cup again. 

After the first taste of intimacy I shared with Sirius on the comfort of my bed last week, nothing new arrived in this department. Needless to say, I was submerged with work. When I was not in class, extra Potions lessons, Quidditch practice, I was completely immersed in exams preparation. My boyfriend (still weird to call him that) was very understanding, even if he was judging me as ‘’completely boring’’ these days, as he said it. I couldn’t wait for Christmas vacations, when I’ll be able to get my head out of the water for a little while. I was drowning, literally, under the workload. 

I got to have a night off, though, tonight. I’ve been annoying Sirius for weeks now about the Slug Club’s Christmas party. Lily kept bringing up the party over and over again, pointing out how nice it was, the famous people she met there, the fancy booze going around... And she especially tried to sell the idea of a classy double date to me. I couldn’t help it, I wanted to go, and Sirius, as a member of the renown Black family, and with his absurdly good scores at school always had invites to the Slug Club. He never went, though. Until now, this is. I was very insistent, and he finally agreed, I suspect mostly to make me shut up about it. I was kind of excited about it, now. In addition to that, Marlene opened her wardrobe to me for the occasion. I chose a plum-coloured fancy cocktail dress, with the same black heels she lent me for the Samhain’s ball a month ago. 

*** 

\- You should’ve told me that you would look that hot, I would’ve said yes right away, Sirius greeted me, pulling me to him and kissing me. 

\- Why? Cause I usually look like a rag? I smirked. 

\- Yeah, but I like you essentially for your wit, so I doesn’t matter, he shrugged. 

\- Good to know. As for me, I like you essentially for your fine-looking arse, because your wit is not that great, actually, I replied. 

\- I can live with that, he laughed. 

\- It’s true that you got a fine-looking arse, Pads, James said, looking at the evoked part of his body with an arched brow. 

\- I know, right? Sirius agreed with a grin. 

\- Hey, guys, Lily said as she was arriving downstairs to join us in the Common Room. What’s up? 

\- Dorcas is with me for my arse, Sirius said. 

\- Tell me something I don’t know, she laughed. 

\- How beautiful can you get? James was fixed on her, flabbergasted. 

She was very beautiful, indeed, in her emerald-coloured strapless dress, her hair curly and tucked to one of her shoulder. He closed in on her and kiss her very gently, as if she was something precious and fragile. It was actually very cute. 

\- Let’s go, shall we? James said when he finally released her. 

Lily came by my side and took my arm to walk with me. 

\- Soooo... I just wanted to say that we’re planning to sleep at the GQ tonight, if that wasn’t already taken, she smiled at me. 

\- Totally free and yours, I sighed. 

\- You guys didn’t see each other much alone these days, right? She asked. 

I look at the boys, laughing and messing around in front of us. 

\- It is mostly my fault, I’m a stressed-out-never-stopping-to-work mess. I don’t have time for anything, these days, outside of freaking schoolwork and Quidditch... 

\- It’s just a crunch, hon, we’ll be off for Christmas in no time, you’ll have time to relax then, she encouraged me. In the meantime, tonight is meant to be a night off, Dore, make the most of it, will you? 

\- I’ll try...! I smiled at her. 

We entered in the heavily decorated room, crowded with people, with stack of food and drink and a small quartet playing jazz music. Wow. I looked at the crowd and I stopped dead in my track. Marius Lovett. The singer of the Immortals. He was right here, talking and laughing with Professor Slughorn. 

\- Merlin, Dorcas, did you see? Lily whispered excitedly to me. 

I was completely muted. And froze. And not breathing. I saw Sirius and James coming back to us with drinks. I managed to take one, still fixed on Marius. Sirius turned around to follow my gaze, then saw him and rolled his eyes at me. 

\- And what is that tosser doing here? He said, sounding annoyed. 

\- Hm. will I witness Sirius Black's first jealousy scene? Lily mocked him. 

\- Don’t be ridiculous, Evans, he said, but still looking at Marius with a scowl. 

\- Yeah, nothing to be jealous for anyway, I shrugged, managing to tear my gaze away from the vampire. 

\- Oh, Marius, I wanted to introduce you to Miss Lily Evans, my most promising student, we heard Slughorn say, as he was bringing him to us. 

I gulped with difficulty, wanting to dig a hole to be able to disappear in it. No jokes. I was having cold sweats. 

\- Good evening, Professor Slughorn, Lily smiled at him. 

\- Good evening, Miss Evans, and to you too, Miss Meadowes and Misters Potter and Black. May I present to you Marius Lovett? But, I’m being silly, you must know him already, seeing that he’s a rock star, he said, looking so proud to be with a music star. 

\- Hey, y’all? How it’s going? Marius asked us, with an incredibly sexy and nonchalant attitude. 

\- It’s a pleasure to meet you, Lily said, blushing a little. I’m a big fan. I mean, I didn’t know about your band before Dorcas here introduced me to your music first thing as I arrived at this school as a muggle born, she said, pointing me. 

He turned to look at me. 

\- Should I pay you an ambassador’s fee, then? He smiled at me, his eyes wondering over my dress. 

\- I don’t know, does it pay well? I smiled back. 

\- Backstage’s tickets, maybe, he grinned at me, flashing his fangs. 

I shivered at the idea. I don’t know if that was a good or a bad shiver. The bloke was incredibly hot, but I’m not sure I wanted to be alone with him, he was a bit scary. And fascinating. Attractive and dangerous. I sensed Sirius’ arm encircling my waist, clearly an unformulated ‘’Back off, mate’’. Marius looked at Sirius, grinned even more at him, before he turned his head. 

\- Oi! Jones, it’s been a while! He said, going in direction of an attractive blond young woman. 

\- Mister Black, I must say, I’m surprised that you finally accepted my invitation, Professor Slughorn said to Sirius. 

\- I never was a big fan of grand soiree, Professor. But I must say, you sir knows how to throw one, he smiled at him. 

\- Nonsense, you never went to our little club too, and it’s no big event, he winked at him, before he excused himself to chase a minister’s official. 

\- Admit it, you’ve been snobbing him from day one, Lily nudged Sirius. 

\- Totally, he shrugged. This being said, if I would have known that he was verse in liquor like that, I would’ve come more often, he said, smelling his glass. 

\- And what did you bring us? I asked, looking at my sparkling flute. 

\- Oh, I know what this is, Lily smiled. This is muggle. It’s called Champagne, Dorcas, you’ll like it, she said to me. 

I tasted it carefully. There was a floral aroma to it, but what surprised me was the effect of the bubbles, its sparkled in my mouth and even in my nose. 

\- Wow, was all I said. 

\- Well, you got me intrigued, can I? Sirius said, looking at my glass. 

\- Of course, I said, giving him my glass. 

He gave me his, and I smelled it. It smelled very strong, somehow like Firewhisky, but more caramel-ish than the usual spicy aroma. I chose not to taste it, the smell didn’t inspire me very much. He gave me back my glass. 

We mixed with the people, danced and essentially, had fun. I was looking at the buffet, chosing what to put on my plate, when I heard a voice near me. 

\- How is my brother? 

I turned to see who was talking to me, and saw that it was Sirius’ little brother, Regulus. 

\- Hm. Should I be afraid that you would spike my drink or food? I said harshly. 

\- I’m sorry, Dorcas. I was... In love. Like an idiot. 

\- So, if she would have told you to jump a bridge, would you have done it? I asked, irritated. 

\- I was stupid enough to think that she really loved me, so I guess that the answer is yes. 

I raised an eyebrow at him. 

\- And, what changed? 

\- She doesn’t love me at all. She doesn’t love anyone, actually. She’s just using people. 

\- Oh. You mean, like Voldemort is doing? I spat. 

\- Don’t... Don’t talk about things you don’t know... And don’t you dare say his name... 

\- Oh, I know about those things all right, believe me. My parent’s job is to try and prevent the mess that guy is doing. You know, killing entire family and stuff? I said, now more than irritated. 

\- You’re just unable to see the big picture, he said, his shoulders slumping a little. 

\- The world you want to forge, with that psychopath is a world where my best friend, the most brilliant and kind person I know should cease to exist. They would kill her. That’s what you want? Really? How brainwashed are you? Your brother was right to step away from you, you’re completely delusional, wake up, Regulus, before it’s too late! I said, turning on my heels. 

I was very pissed now. How somebody could be so thick, that was a mystery to me. I wish that there was something good lingering in him, deep, deep down. I was just even more in love with Sirius, to think that he grew up in the same family and didn’t turn bad. Well, he was kind of a stupid bully when he was younger. He wasn’t anymore, thanks Merlin... In my haste to put space between Regulus and me, I ran unto someone and lost my balance, before someone caught me to help me regain it back. Well the multiple champagne flutes didn't help either... 

\- Are you all right, lass? 

It was Marius Lovett, looking down at me with a smile, his hand still holding me by my elbow. 

\- Hm, yeah, sure, thanks, I said, smiling back. 

\- You should go, he said, looking over my shoulder, I don’t think your boyfriend like me very much, he whispered in my ear. 

I turned and saw Sirius looking at us with a dark look. What got unto him? 

\- Dorcas! I heard a familiar voice in my back. 

Freddy was there, drinking champagne and smiling widely at me. 

\- Where were you, love? It’s been forever! Since you got a boyfriend you disappeared! He said, shaking his head. 

\- The boyfriend isn’t the only responsible, in fact, I’m a complete dork, always my nose in schoolwork, I’m sooooo tired, I sighed, while hugging him warmly. 

\- Well, I don’t give a damn, you will make time now to talk to me, he said, pushing me farther from the vampire to a less packed spot of the room. You need to keep me posted on everything, he said. So, living the dream? He asked. 

\- Depends on which part of my life, I said. The workload is pretty much a living nightmare, as for my love life, yeah, pretty much living the dream, I blushed. 

\- That good, eh? He treats you well? 

\- Of course, he does. Do you really think that I would let anyone treat me badly? I asked, elbowing him. 

\- Oh, you never know, when you’re in love you can turn stupid, he said. 

\- Yeah, tell me about it, I groaned, while still thinking about Regulus. And, what about you? How are things progressing with the love of your life? I asked. 

\- Oh, very badly. 

\- How come? I asked. 

\- We’re so very dumb. I was drunk, and alone with Leah. I declared my love to her. 

\- Oh... 

\- Yeah. 

\- And, what happened? 

\- She told me that she loved me too, he sighed. 

\- Well, isn’t it great? I asked, confused. 

\- Yeah, I mean, I know it is. But, this is a really shitty situation. Now, we’re seeing each other in secret, you understand? 

\- You mean, in Connor’s back? 

\- Yeah. In my best friend’s back. I feel so bad about this, I have trouble sleeping at night. But I love her like a mad person, Dorcas... 

\- You know you both will have to face the music eventually? I said. 

\- I know... 

After a while I went back to my friends, to find only James and Lily talking with Nearly Headless Nick, our house’s ghost. 

\- Oh, hey, Sir Nicholas, I greeted him. You guys seen Sirius? I asked them. 

\- He... Left, Lily said. 

\- Oh? He should have told me, I would’ve left with him, I said, confused. 

\- Well... She said, pulling me by the arm to go a little farther from James and the ghost. I think... He looked pissed, to be honest. 

\- Pissed? At what? 

\- I think he was pissed at you, AND I know this is stupid. He said that you looked like you didn’t need his company that much, as well surrounded as you were... 

\- I don’t get it, am I not allowed to talk to other people? I began to get pissed myself. I’m off, I said, wanting to talk to him about this. 

He was in front of the fireplace, in the Common Room, fixing it stubbornly, as I entered. I was glad that he was alone in there. But seeing him, there, fixing the fire, I knew he wasn’t in his normal state, and that made me feel like a very heavy thing just dropped at the bottom of my stomach... 

\- Hey? You left? I thread carefully. 

\- Yeah, I had the feeling I wasn’t needed, he spat, not looking at me. 

\- Just to be sure, are you telling me that I’m not to talk to other men if I don’t want to fight with you? I was unable to refrain my annoyance. 

\- It’s not a fight! Just... I don’t know... Can you just be less obvious? 

\- I beg your pardon? 

\- First, my brother, then the rock star, and Duncan, all getting in line for you! 

\- Are you being real right now? Because that’s freaking ridiculous! I WAS TALKING with them. In fact, I was giving your brother quite a hard time if you want to know... 

\- Do you remember that we’re together? His eyes glaring. 

\- Yeah, but what, does that mean that I’m your property? Will you choose whom I’m allowed to talk to? 

\- Reverse the situation, Dorcas. I’m ditching you to flirt with every girl at the party, how would that makes you feel? 

\- I WAS NOT FLIRTING!!! I shouted. 

\- YEAH, RIGHT, AS IF I DON’T KNOW HOW YOU FLIRT, he shouted back. 

\- Hey, guys, what’s going on? We heard behind us. 

Remus was at the end of the stairs, frowning. 

\- Nothing, just an out-of-nowhere jealousy fit, I said, still pissed. 

\- More like the logic end of a soiree seeing her flirt with everybody, Sirius said. 

\- Sirius, mate, calm down, Remus said. 

\- Of course, you would take her side, he said, shaking his head, with a mean smirk. That way, maybe she’ll ditch me for you, right? He said, before he stormed out of the Common Room. 

I stayed fixed in front of the portrait for a long minute, flabbergasted. 

\- Dorcas? I heard Remus say. 

\- I... I’m... I’ll just... I said, before I decided to run up to my dorm. 


	33. Of Repentance and Holidays

\- Red? What are you doing here? Don’t you dare ruin your romantic night for me... I said, sniffing inelegantly. 

She just arrived in the dorm, where I was alternating between angriness and sadness for half an hour with Mary and Marlene trying to comfort me. 

\- My place is here, Dore, tell me what happened, she said. 

I retell the scene to her. 

\- Sirius came back to the party and James went after him to try to talk to him... After a minute he came back and suggested to me that I came back here to look after you... She said, hugging me. 

\- Great, so he went back there to what? Do what he was stupidly blaming me for? Pick up girls? I snapped at her. 

\- Hey, don’t attack me, I’m all on your side, hon, she said. 

\- Sorry, Lils, I’m just pissed, I said, my voice betraying me by finishing the last word with an awful high-pitched sound betraying the fact that I was restraining myself from crying. 

\- He wasn’t looking like he was in any mood to pick-up girls, Dorcas, Lily said. He’s in love with you, you would have to be blind not to see it, she added. 

\- Yeah right, the scene he just made was clearly an act of love, I said sarcastically. 

\- He was... It was insecurity, not that it was nicely outed... She said 

\- Didn't you just said you were on my side, Lily? Because, from where I look, I’m thinking you’re on his! I said, exasperated. 

\- I’m on your side, Dore. And I agree with you, jealousy is an awful flaw. But... Just remember where he comes from? The little boy who never managed to get his own mother’s love... It won’t be easy to love him, and it won’t be easy for him to believe that he deserves love, you know? She explained. 

We all fell silent for a minute, muted by what she said. It was true, so true. Sirius, for a long time, never felt worthy of love... That was so sad... 

\- James loves Sirius with all his heart, Lily continued, seeing that we were listening. But he told me, it took years for Sirius to fully trust his friends. It was all new for him. He still doesn’t believe that James would jump in front of a train to save him, even if he wouldn’t himself think twice about it, she added. 

\- Well, now I kind of feel bad... I whispered. 

\- You shouldn’t. He needs to work on these issues, I just wanted you to know where that could come from, Lily said. 

\- Should I go look for him? I asked. 

\- No, I think that James will help him for tonight, you two should have that conversation after he’s cool off, Lily suggested. 

\- Yeah, I guess you’re right, after the last time I went to see him when he was pissed, I should have learned... I shrugged. 

We talked for a while, changing the subject as I was feeling better about what happened. I went to bed hoping that everything would be fine between Sirius and me... 

*** 

\- I did warned you that I would be a lousy boyfriend, didn’t I? Sirius greeted me, as I was on my way downstairs to join my friends to breakfast. 

I stopped and turned to look at him. He had his hands in his pockets, looking at me with an uncertain and shy smile. 

\- You did... I sighed. 

\- I do hate it, when I make a fool of myself like I did last night... He began. But, the worst was how I treated you. I’m sorry... 

\- Sirius, you need to trust me, I wasn’t trying to make you look like a fool. You need to understand... Being with you... Most of the time, I don’t understand why you want to be with me in the first place, so... Do believe that you’re what I want. No-one else is’... I said, shying out of his persistent stare. 

He came closer and bring my chin up for me to look back at him. 

\- I don’t understand why you want to be with me neither, well, except for my good look, he winked at me. 

\- In any case, clearly not for your incessant boasting, I laughed. And, just so you know, you’re not to tell me whom I’m allowed to talk to or not, I finished. 

\- I know. Are we fine, Fury? He asked me. 

\- I hope so, I hate fighting, I sighed. 

\- Yeah, me too, let’s not, then? He said. 

\- Well, it will happen again sometimes, seeing that we’re hot-tempered people, I said. 

\- I also heard somewhere that make-up sex is the best, he said, smirking. 

\- Shut up, I said, pulling him to me to kiss him. 

The kiss was very good indeed, a little like our first kisses were. A little intense, a little desperate, a little relieved that it was happening... 

\- I love you, he sighed when we stopped to take a breath. 

My jaw dropped. 

*** 

_Sirius_

\- Will I stop making a fool of myself when I’m around her? I complained to my best friend, as we were in our way back from a prank set up. 

We sneaked unto DADA’s class and we set up an elaborate magic trick. When the third years would begin their weeks tomorrow, there would be a Cornish pixies break out, bewitched to sing awfully bad some of Celestina Warbeck’s lousy songs. 

\- So, you declaring your love to your girlfriend is foolish how, again? James asked. 

\- Well, said girlfriend didn’t say it back, I pouted. 

\- Because she was clearly in shock, Pads, James said. 

\- Or, she just didn’t return the sentiment, I continued pouting. 

\- Sirius, really, don’t be thick, mate, the poor Meadowes is head over heels for you. 

\- You sure about that? 

\- That you two are desperately silly? Yeah, pretty much, he laughed at me, putting his arms on my shoulder affectionately. Honestly mate, you’re being lame, he laughed some more. 

\- I know, right? 

\- Totally, and I LOVE to see you being a lame romantic bloke. 

\- All right, shut up, I pushed him. 

\- Did you talk to Moony? James asked. 

\- Not much, I just told him to butt the hell out of my relationship, I shrugged. 

\- Pads... 

\- And you should butt out of this too, Prongs, I warned him. 

\- … Fine... He sighed. 

*** 

_Dorcas_

\- He WHAT? Marlene shouted, flabbergasted. 

\- I’m not all that surprised, I told you he loves you, didn’t I? Lily said with a grin. 

\- And what did you say? You must’ve been surprised? Marly said, her hand on her heart. 

\- Surprise is not the word. I never thought that he would be the first to say it. Damn, I never thought that he would actually say it at all... So... I just kissed him like a crazy person, hugging him too tightly and all. But... I kind of forget to say it back to him. Then, when I realised a moment later the moment was kind of past and I felt awkward, so... 

\- Oh. Said Lily. 

\- You think that’s bad? I asked. 

\- Well, no... She began. 

\- I KNOW I’M STUPID, I said, hitting myself on the forehead in despair. 

\- It’s not that bad, just... You know after what Lily told us last night about him and all... began Mary. 

\- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, I’M GOING STRAIGHT AWAY! I panicked. 

\- You go GIRL!!! Marlene encouraged me. 

I rolled my eyes at her, before I went downstairs and began to climb the boys’ stairs. I knocked at their dorm. Remus opened to me. 

\- Oh, hey, Dorcas, he said, opening the door wider to let me see in the dorm. 

\- Hey, I said back with a smile. Sirius’ not here? I asked, seeing that Remus was alone. 

\- No, he went... James and him... They... He said, scratching his neck. 

\- Considering the guilty look on your face, there was clearly some pranking involved, I smiled. 

\- I didn’t said that, he winked at me. 

\- Well then, tell him I want to see him? Please? I said. 

\- Of course. 

It was a little awkward, I hoped that Sirius and him were fine, after last night. 

\- Great, thanks, later, I said, going back down. 

As I was arriving in the Common Room, I saw the portrait closing behind James and Sirius who just entered through it. I just forget any common sense or restraint and I just threw myself at my boyfriend. 

\- Oh, hey, Fury, he said, surprised. Miss me? 

\- Later, pads, James winked at us before he went upstairs. 

\- I love you, I simply said, looking him in the eyes. 

\- Do you, now, he said, a warm smile spreading on his face. 

\- Well, not all the time, but, yeah, most of it, I smirked at him. 

He hugged me tight and kiss me in my hair. 

\- Hm... That is good to know, he said. Wanna hang out? 

\- Yeah, why not, I said, as he was pulling me by the hand to bring me upstairs with him. 

*** 

As usual, I was looking at the clock in despair. Why do I always have to be, and by far, the first ever to finish my exams. We were not allowed to get out for the next half hour, and I was tired to re-read my answers. I was satisfied with it and to re-read it incessantly would just bring unnecessary doubt. We did the practical part of the exam during the first part of the period, and I managed it quite well. It was the end of the mid-term's exams. It went great, or so I think, we can never really know before we got our grades, can we? I didn’t realise that I was tapping my fingers on my desk before the girl in the desk in front of mine turned to me with an annoyed scowl and an exaggerated sigh. I stopped it. I tried to focus on the positive. In half an hour, I would be free, I would go pack to leave for two weeks tomorrow morning. 

I was spending Christmas at grans. I was so happy about it. It will smell good from all the cooking she would do for Christmas, the ginger cookies especially. Those were something. Also, there would be two novelties this year. First, I was invited to the Potters for their big Christmas soiree, I was to spend December 25 and 26 with them. Second, we were planning a New Year’s Eve friendly bash at my new flat. I have a flat. Still crazy to think about it. I can’t wait to run over there with Lily and our moms to redecorate. My mom beforehand went with grans and Aunt Alice to clean up and help her move out. My bed was already there, and Alice gave me most of the furniture. She was moving with her boyfriend, aka Robby, the photograph who was following her everywhere. It was just logical to pay only one rent, especially because they were hardly ever at home... 

Also, I was planning to escape there with Sirius somewhere during the Holidays... Hm. That should be interesting... 

I looked back at the clock and it was FINALLY time. I was free, at last! I put my things in my bag and got up, not even bothered by the looks of the other students, always not understanding how I could be already done. If only they knew, I was done 45 minutes ago... I gave my exam to Professor Flitwick, who nodded to me with a smile, before I left the classroom. I went directly to my dorm, very excited to pack up my things, and also to be able to have the night off with my friends before we would leave tomorrow. I took off my robe, then the wool gray sweater of my uniform, then my tie. I was throwing things in my suitcase when the door opened on my boyfriend. 

\- Oh, hey, I said, smiling at him. You’re already done, then? I asked, speaking of the exam. 

\- Yeah, it was easy enough, he said, closing the distance between us in three long strides. 

He took me in his arms and kissed me. 

\- Let’s enjoy some time alone, for once? He said. 

\- Yeah, I know it’s rare... I sighed. 

He took off his robe and pulled me to my bed, and we continued to snog while lying on it. His hand ran up my thigh to grab my butt under my uniform’s skirt. 

\- You know that the girls can come back anytime, right? I said, not really convincing, as I was myself taking off his sweater and tie. 

\- The perspective of being caught is quite a turn-on, actually, he whispered in my ear, before he bite it gently, giving me shivers all over. 

Nonetheless, he took his wand and silently casted a locking spell on the door. I began unbuttoning his shirt and passed my hands over his chest, caressing it gently. He was now himself occupied with the unfastening of my blouse. Once it was done, he took a moment to appreciate the view, or so his facial expression was leading me to that conclusion, before he just decided that he wanted to hungrily kiss my cleavage. Merlin. That was feeling good... 

\- Is the door locked? Dorcas, you here? 

It was Lily’s voice, coming from the other side of the door. I sat up very quickly in my bed, trying to button up my blouse as fast as I could manage, before she would unlock the door. 

\- Damn Hogwarts, Sirius said with a smile. 

\- _Alohomora_ , I heard, then there was a click sound as the door was unlocking. 

Sirius sat up too but didn’t look at all in a hurry like me. Actually, he was looking like he finds the situation pretty hilarious. As the door was opening, I was hitting him with my pillow, to try to make him stop laughing at me. Lily entered, followed by Mary, and they froze when they saw us. I mean, it was written GOT CAUGHT in capital all over our faces. 

\- Oh. Hey, guys? Lily said. 

\- I think we’re crashing, Lils, Mary laughed, on her way to her bed. 

\- Well, obviously, Lily laughed with her. Your blouse is crooked, Dore, she winked at me. 

I looked down and saw that she was right, I buttoned it wrong. 

\- We should have written a Do not disturb on the door, I think, Fury, Sirius grinned, while buttoning up his shirt. 

\- That’s the downside of shared dorms, right? Lily said. 

Sirius was now putting his sweater on, not bothering with the tie, that he just stuffed in his pocket. Then, he came back to sit next to me, circling my waist with his arm. Marlene entered at that moment. 

\- FREEDOM AT LAST! She shouted as she entered, her arms in the air in victory. Oh, hey Sirius, she greeted him. What’s up? 

\- Oh, nothing much, was enjoying my gorgeous half-naked girlfriend when those two interrupted us, he smiled his crooked smile. 

I nudged him in the ribs. 

\- That’s unfortunate, she smiled at us. 

\- So, what are you planning to do during your weeks off? Mary asked him. 

\- Oversleep, spend time with her, he said pointing me, and with James’ family, home shopping, that kind of things. 

\- Home shopping? I asked him, surprised. 

\- Yeah, of course, I’ll need my own place someday, and I hope to find a place that I would be able to move to after school’s over, he shrugged. James’ father wrote to me that he found something that could do, he wants me to visit it next week, he said. 

\- That’s great, I said, wondering what kind of place that would be. 

\- Good, said Mary. Marlene and I are supposed to do that too, so exciting, right? To have our own place. We’ll look in London, as we’re both dying to leave the countryside! 

We chatted some more before I resumed packing my stuff and kicked Sirius out. 

*** 

\- Can I write to you, or is it too lame? I smiled at Sirius, as my parents were waiting on me on the 9 ¾'s platform. 

\- Of course, you can write to me, silly, he rolled his eyes. 

\- Good. I will, then, I said, hesitating to go. 

\- Can I kiss you in front of your dad, or will he jinx me? He asked me, taking my hand. 

\- I never thought something like that would stop you, I laughed. 

\- You’re right, and it’s worth the risk, he said, kissing me gently. See you, Fury, he said. 

\- Soon, I smiled to him, before going to join my parents. 

*** 

\- So, happy, Dory? My mom said, as we were sitting on my bed after two long days of shopping and redecorating of my flat. 

\- Happy’s a too-feeble word, mom. Ecstatic would be nearer from what I’m feeling right now. Thank you so much, this place is perfect for me and Lily, I said, hugging her. 

\- I wanted to talk to you about security. There’s an anti-apparition magical barrier, the chimney isn’t connected to the Floo network and the flat isn’t visible if the person doesn’t have that, she said, giving me the small parchment paper she showed me two days ago when we arrived. I gave one to Lily too, and I explained everything to her. It’s important, Dorcas, you girls need to be extra careful and safe, she said. 

\- I know, I understand, thanks mom. 

\- And by-the-way, we’re closing in on Villeroy and Gallagher, she said, evoking our death eaters’ nemesis. We’re pretty sure we’ll be able to catch them within the next days... She added, her eyes fierce. 

\- Great, I have to admit I’ll feel better when those two maniacs would be arrested. Especially after your last letter. They really killed that couple? 

\- Yes... We think that it was a recruitment meeting that turn badly. They were brilliants healers from St-Mungos and they already turn down their offer multiple times... Looks like they’re more and more forceful. You’re either with them or you’re against them. There’s no place for neutrality in their world... We already began to hide people who had been approach by them to join... 

\- It’s getting worse, isn’t it? I sighed. 

\- Well, a lot of good and talented people are still fighting them, there’ll always be hope. Good will win, Dory, it always does... 

*** 

**_Boyfriend (still weird to call you that),_ **

**_How are things at the Potter’s Manor? Did you already ride your bike? Did you visit the house James’ father told you about?_ **

**_Do you miss me?_ **

**_Because I do, miss you, already. Ridiculous, I know, it’s been only 48 hours we’ve been appart. We’ve been pretty busy, though, I must say. My flat is now nicely decorate and ready for Red and me. In fact, I’m writing to you from it, we’re having a sleepover, the two of us, tonight, before Christmas’ madness began._ **

**_How is Christmas at James’?_ **

**_As for us, it always been celebrated at my parent’s flat. That year will be different, for obvious reasons, it will be at my gran’s home. There will be my gran’s (of course) and my grandfather from my mother’s side, plus Aunt Alice (my mom’s sister, the one who previously owned my flat), her boyfriend Robby, my dad’s sister Valery, her husband Michel and their son Olivier. As you could’ve guessed, Michel is French, so we only see them during Christmas Holiday. Olivier is a year older than me, and I wish I would be in touch more because he’s really nice. We kind of grew up together, but Michel got a dream job’s opportunity when we were around ten, and they move out. Anyway, sorry to bore you with family platitudes!_ **

**_We’ll be seeing each other in two days, can’t wait!_ **

**_Also, you can write back, you know._ **

**_Actually, I command you to write back._ **

**_Love you,_ **

**_Dorcas xxx_ **

*** 

**_Dear Fury,_ **

****

**_Things are great, actually. Christmas is nice here. Well, not that I have anything normal to compare it to. We decorate the tree (I must say that I hate doing it, but Euphemia loves it, so I’m acting as if I like it), we’re preparing for the big soiree, too. Of course, I rode my bike. It purrs to perfection. I’ll give you a ride when you’ll come here._ **

**_Do I miss you?_ **

**_Good question, let me think about it for a moment... Of course, I miss you. Did you increase the Amortentia dosage? Because, I must say, I’m obsessed. I’m sure you commissioned Prongs to spike my juice in your absence, you devilish woman..._ **

****

**_You’re not boring me with your Christmas’ family traditions. On the contrary, I like that you have a great and boringly normal family. I might want to crash your party, actually, to spice things up, you see._ **

**_Love you too, even when you’re a pest,_ **

**_Sirius xxx_ **

**_PS: James INSISTED that I say Hi for him._ **

*** 

**_Sirius,_ **

**_PLEASE DO, you’re welcome here anytime._ **

**_Fury (I can’t believe I actually wrote that) xxx_ **

**_PS: Not funny, that joke about Amortentia!_ **

*** 

\- Dory, love? I heard my mom call from the kitchen. 

\- Yes? I answered. 

\- Everything’s set, you can stop cleaning and go prepare, they will arrive shortly! 

Great. I hated cleaning, but every year was the same. My mom would cook like a mad woman with gran, enough food for an army (I’m not exaggerating that much, we eat leftovers for a week after). I put away the cleaning stuff and went to the kitchen. It smelled heavenly good. 

\- Any news from Sirius, hon? Will he come? My mother asked me. 

\- No, I don’t think so, it’s fine, I’ll see him tomorrow as planned, I shrugged, but feeling a little disappointed. 

\- I have a gift for him, you’ll give it to him tomorrow, then? She smiled. 

\- You don’t even know him! I frowned at her. 

\- He’s the one making you really happy during those depressing times we’re living, I love him already, she winked at me. 

Well, that was touching. I closed the distance between us and went to hug her. 

\- Love you, mom, I sighed. 

\- And I love you too, but hurry to clean up and change, while I finish this and run to do the same, she pushed me out of the kitchen. 

*** 

\- Is he really already asleep? He talked to me like thirty seconds ago! Olivier told me. 

\- You know grandpa, he’s an afternoon sleeper, I laughed. 

\- Wanna go take a walk outside? 

\- Yeah, why not? I said, getting up to take my coat. 

\- So, what’s up? Olivier asked me as we were getting out. 

\- Well, let me think... I got attacked two times by a couple of death eaters... And I now have a boyfriend.... 

\- Okay... Care to elaborate? On those two subjects? 

I explained the crazy months I’ve just been through, before he told me his own struggles. Is main was that his father, Michel, was a renown healer and that Olivier wanted to be a professional musician. Let’s say that it wasn’t his father’s aspirations for him. 

\- Well, why were we born if not to disappoint our parents? I nudged him affectionaly. 

\- Yeah, say the girl who’ll do the same profession as her parents, he nudged me back. 

\- True, but they never wanted me to, I said. 

\- … Do you hear that? He asked. 

I tried to hear what he was referring to, and I heard a distant roar indeed. 

\- It looks like... It’s coming from the sky! He turned around to look. 

I smiled, as I realised what it was. Indeed, Sirius’ bike pierced the clouds something like a yard away. 

\- What is this??? Olivier said, taking off his wand. 

\- That would be my boyfriend, I laughed, putting my hand on his for him to drop his wand. 

*** 

\- You came!!! My mother exclaimed as she saw Sirius coming in with Olivier and me. 

Sirius smiled charmingly at her. 

\- I brought you a little something, he said, giving her a gift bag. 

\- How nice of you! She said, closing in and giving him a warm hug. He looked surprised, at first, then he seemed to come back to life and hug her back. 

\- It’s just some wine, to go with the dinner, he said, still looking a little surprised by the warm welcome. 

\- We’re very happy to see you, Sirius, are we not, Richard? She said, turning to my dad. 

\- Welcome, mr. black, my dad said to him, shaking his hand. 

\- Please, call me Sirius. 

After the greetings (even my grandfather, who got awoken by my mom’s enthusiasm), we all sat in the living room for Sirius to get to know everyone. I sat at his side, sliding my hand unto his, ever so grateful that he came. It was making me realise even more that this was real. Him and me. For him to come in my family like this... I realised that I would surely never get to know his parents. Not that I wanted to. I would want to jump on his mother and shake her hard. Maybe even punch her in the throat. What a horrible person. How could someone not be in love with Sirius? My entire family was completely under his charm right now. My dad just promised him to keep the bike’s a secret from the Ministry. Evidently, not a minute after, all the men went outside to take a closer look at it. 

\- Well, quite a charming one, that boyfriend of yours, Alice winked at me. 

\- He gained your father easily, I would not have thought it possible, my mom said. He was kind of mad after we met him the first time. They we’re snogging in a bed, she turned to her sister. 

\- Okay, Val, please give me some, she said, as my Aunt was serving herself some wine. That here looks like an interesting anecdote, she smiled at us. 


	34. Of Soiree and Tragedy

I was dubiously looking at my reflection in the mirror. Since my dress inventory was pretty limited, to say the least, I went home to find something in my mom’s walk-in. I found a long-sleeves, just-above the knees cream-colored lace dress. The victorian-style neckline decorated with a fine black velvet bow was very cute. The cream colour was making my skin an even paler tone, and my mom got the brilliant idea to apply dark-red lipstick on my lips, so it was VERY contrasting. She said it was incredibly gorgeous, I was more thinking that it was a little too-much. She also did something with my hair, taking half of it up, and lend me black heels. For a final touch, she put small diamonds to my ears, ancient jewels from her grandmother. 

\- Are you sure? I don’t want to look like a strumpet, I said to my mom. 

\- Dorcas, you’re elegant, like a movie star from the fifties, she winked at me. 

\- If you say so... Well, gotta go in a bit... 

\- Before you go, I just wanted to talk to you about... You know... You and Sirius, are you... Intimate? 

\- Mom...! 

\- I’m not trying to dissuade you to, Dorcas, I just wanted to be sure you recall the protection spells, you know, for you to not make me a grandmother at forty? 

\- I do remember. And just so you know, we didn’t, yet, I said. 

\- It’s important to be ready, love, and to not let anyone push you in that direction if you’re not. Even if you love him very much. 

\- He’s not pushy. 

\- Great, I love him even more, then, my mom smiled at me. 

\- Well, that is settled, then, I said, turning to go fetch my bag to leave. 

\- Dory? One last thing? My mom called back at me. 

\- Yeah? I asked, a little sternly. 

\- Live life to the fullest, love, especially these days. Things are dangerous out there, so make the best of it, all right? 

Her eyes were wet and she said that very fervently. Usually I’m a little bored by all her warnings, but not anymore, especially after everything that happened, the attacks on me, the dramatically increasing number of murders... I got an impulse to hug her tight. 

\- I know, I will... I love you mom... 

\- I love you more, she sighed, kissing my forehead. 

*** 

Within the last months, seeing all the attacks and murders from death eaters, more and more residences were now pretty much closed from the exterior. I couldn’t simply apparated where I wanted anymore, like directly unto James’ house. I apparated at the front door instead, knocked and wait. That was weird, I realised that I never used that door before. The door opened on one of James’ family house-elf, her name was Cricket, if I remembered correctly. 

\- Welcome, Miss Meadowes, she said, can I take your coat? 

\- I’ll take it from here, Cricket, I heard behind her. 

Sirius was coming from the kitchen, breath-takingly elegant in his black dress robes, smiling at me. He went behind me and helped me out of my coat. Then, he came back to face me and took his time eying me from head to toes. 

\- You like the dress? I asked him, unsure. 

\- Hm. I’m ambivalent. You look so good in it that I’m asking myself what could possibly prevent me to just bring you upstairs to tear it... 

I blushed at the idea of it. 

\- Dorcas!!! How lovely to see you again! I heard in Sirius’ back. 

\- Right, that’s what preventing me... He sighed, before he steps away to let me see James’ mother. 

\- Merry Christmas, Mrs. Potter, I smiled at her as she was hugging me warmly. 

\- So glad to see you, she said, while releasing me. And I was very happy to know that you two are together, she said, sqeezing Sirius’ shoulder affectionally. 

\- Hey, Meadowes! I heard James shout from the top of the stairs. 

He ran down the stairs and closed in on my pretty fast, giving me a bear hug. 

\- Nice to see you too, I laughed while he was crushing my bones. Lily’s not here yet? 

\- No, she’ll arrive at the same time as most of the guests, James said. 

\- And those are going to arrive in about an hour, said Mrs. Potter, with a little panic in her voice. There’s still so much to do! She added. 

\- Can I help? I offered. 

\- Of course, not, you’re a guest, dear, Mrs. Potter said. 

\- Nonsense, I stayed here for days, it’s the least I can do. It’s settled, then, James, could you bring my suitcase up? I demanded him more than asked. I’m following your orders, Mrs. Potter, I smiled at her. 

*** 

\- Do you know all of these people? I asked James, as we were seeing the flow of people entering the big reception room. 

\- Most of them, yeah, it’s pretty much always the same people year after year. Since we don’t have that many relatives, it’s mostly family friends and business partners, James replied. 

\- Usually we make act of presence for a while, then there’s an alternative party for the youngs to get rid of the parents, Sirius said, while discreetly spiking my punch glass with his Firewhisky's flask, his back to the crowd. 

\- Please reassure me, you’re not expecting me to dance, do you? I asked him as he was giving me back my glass. 

\- Sadly, yes. There’s kind of an official waltz, Euphemia insist that we participate... He grimaced. 

\- Well, you got me curious, with whom did you dance the other times? I frowned at him. 

He was about to answer when we got interrupted by a girl’s voice. 

\- HEYYYY!!!! I heard, before a mass of long and curly black hair pass before me and crashed into James’ arms. 

\- Hey, Rose, James greeted her warmly. 

She let go of him, and I got a view of the stunning girl. Her eyes were a vibrant apple-green colour, her lips a perfect shade of dark pink, her small and perfectly-shape face with an amused smirk as she turned to Sirius. 

\- Hey, stranger, she greeted him with a clearly seductive tone in her voice. 

A warning bell rang in my head. History. Clearly there was some between Sirius and that ridiculously beautiful girl. I looked at him and he smiled back at her, before he pulled me closer to him. 

\- Dorcas, this is Rosalyn Taylor, Rose, this is Dorcas Meadowes, my girlfriend, he added. 

The girl’s face literally dropped from the surprise.

\- Really? A girlfriend? Wow, nice to meet you, Dorcas, she said, taking my hand in her and shaking it. That’s interesting... She said, before she let go of my hand. 

\- Yeah, she’s clearly pretty versed with Amortentia, Sirius laughed, before I nudged him in the ribs. 

\- Yeah right, that’s his version of it. Here’s mine; I finally decided to give a chance to my creepy stalker, I laughed. 

\- Oh, burn! James clapped his hands in praise. 

Rosalyn took a glass from a house-elf's platter passing by and turned to Sirius. 

\- Here, she said, I need that special additional flavour of yours, she said, giving him her glass. So, James, did you finally got that red head you’re always buggering us with? 

\- He actually did, Sirius laughed, giving her back her glass. 

\- Wow, cheers to that, then, she said, clinking her glass against James’. 

*** 

\- Who’s she, exactly? I asked James, as I was frowning at Rosalyn who looked like she was always turning around my boyfriend. 

\- Who? He said, then followed my gaze in their direction. Oh. Rose. Yeah, she’s like a cousin to me, our parents have been friends for like, forever. We spent most of our vacations with them. Then, Sirius began to come to that soiree when he was... fourteen? I think. They kind of... Got along pretty well... 

\- And by that you mean she’s kind of his party or vacation’s girlfriend? I said, a little irritated. 

\- I wouldn’t have say it like that... But... Yeah, something of the sort... 

\- Great. 

\- Are you jealous, Meadowes? I thought it was Sirius’ thing, he mocked me before he put his arm on my shoulders. 

\- How not to be, she looks like she’s about to jump his bones all the time. 

\- Sirius is quite the charmer, you knew that. But that’s not important. He chose you. He wouldn’t do anything to ruin that, you know. 

\- I mean, look at her, she’s so pretty... I sighed, unconvinced by his attempt to convince me. 

\- So what? She lacks a very important quality, he shrugged. 

\- Which is? I asked. 

\- She’s not you, idiot! He mocked me, poking my forehead with his index multiple times. 

That was a nice thing to say, but I was finding it hard to be convinced as I looked at that stunning girl whispering something in Sirius’ ear. At that moment, he turned and looked at me, smiling. 

\- Annnnd, it’s Waltz time, so I’ll go fetch my beautiful dance partner, James winked at me before he left, going in direction of Lily, who was in deep conversation with Remus. 

Sirius came to join me. 

\- Care for a dance? He smiled at me. 

\- Nope, but I’ll go anyway, I smiled back. 

*** 

_Sirius_

I was getting out of my bedroom’s bathroom and wasn’t really surprised to find that Rosalyn was waiting for me, sitting on the edge of my bed. She’s always been all over me, and I never minded that much before, because I was enjoying the attention and what came along with it... But, tonight, seeing that I wasn’t interested in sleeping with her anymore, it was just plainly annoying. I didn’t know really how to get rid of her without hurting her, that wasn’t my intention. She doesn’t deserve it. 

\- Hey, party’s too boring? I asked her casually. 

\- As usual, I’m craving something more... Fun, she smiled seductively at me. 

\- You’re looking in the wrong place, I said. 

\- You know I don’t care about the girlfriend, she replied. 

\- Oh, I do know you don’t, I smirked. 

She got up from my bed and came close to me. 

\- I bet she’s not able to please you as well as I do, she whispered to me. 

\- Rose... you knew this wasn’t serious, I said. You knew that wouldn’t last... I told you the first time we... 

\- Yeah, and yet, every time, for three years, you came back for more, she purred. 

\- I wasn’t involve with anyone, then, I explained. 

\- You came back, every time, because we’re good together. Girlfriends or boyfriends won’t change that. I have a boyfriend too, you know, that doesn’t change anything for me, she said. 

\- Well, it does change something, for me. 

\- So what, your girlfriend doesn’t like to share? 

\- Thing is, I don’t want to share her either, I said. 

\- Come on, you know you want to, she said, her hand trailing on my shirt obviously heading south. 

I reached her hand and stopped her before she gets there. 

\- Rose. We had fun. And I still appreciate you. But it’s over. Don’t do this. You’re only making a fool of yourself, I added. 

She took her hand back from mine harshly, now glaring at me. 

\- Very well, then, you can go to hell, she said, while turning on her heels and getting out of my bedroom. 

*** 

_Dorcas_

Well, I was clearly a little out of it, I thought, finishing my drink. The alternative party was taking place in the guest house and I think I may have abused of James’ cocktails. Plus, I very stupidly forgot to pack James’ potions, so I was gonna endure some well-deserved hangover tomorrow... I was wondering where Sirius was, he was nowhere in sight. 

\- May I interest you in my specialty, I heard behind me. 

It was Rosalyn. She was showing me a vibrant pink cocktail with a smile. 

\- I don’t know, I think I may have had enough, I said. 

\- Come on, it’s Christmas! She shouted, looking not very sober herself. 

\- … Why not...? I let her win, not wanting to argue that much. 

\- Great, here, she said, giving me a glass from a jug. 

I sniffed it, it smelled like strawberry. I tasted it, and it was actually not bad. 

\- Thanks, I said. 

\- So, how is it? Being Sirius’ girlfriend, I mean? 

\- Oh. It’s great... I said. 

\- I mean, between us two, he’s something, you know, in bed, don’t you think? The things he can do with this tongue of his, Merlin! You two must sneak out all the time, right? He’s so insatiable! 

She looked at me with a smirk, as I was too flabbergasted to answer. 

\- That doesn’t bother you, right? I mean, we can share, since we both know him well in that area? 

I blushed a little, feeling very stupid and inexperienced. I was wondering what to say to not look lame.

\- Dorcas, you look like you don’t know what I’m talking about, did you two not...? Oh, don’t tell me you’re a virgin? 

\- I mean, we’ve been together for only... Less than two months... 

\- Oh. I see. I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have said those things, she said, with something like a fake contrite face, before she went back to join the others in the living room. 

Well, that was interesting... Clearly, she’s been shagging Sirius for years. And here I was, his frigid girlfriend who still doesn’t shag him after nearly two months of relationship. That needs to change, I thought. And it wasn’t because I didn’t want to. I mean, I think I’ve never wanted something more in my life. It was just insecurity. I didn’t want to be bad at it. I mean, how many bimbos slept with him before? He has plenty to compare me with. I had no-one. I may be a lousy shag. Right now, though, it felt like I could be not that bad. I think alcohol was giving me courage. Let’s make the best of it, then, I thought, downing my glass. 

*** 

I pushed Sirius in my room and literally threw myself at him, snogging him fervently. 

\- Well, drunk ass, you’re eager tonight! He laughed at me. 

\- Can you unzip me? I asked him, turning my back on him. 

\- Sure... He said. 

I felt his warm fingers on my neck, then along my spine as he unzipped my dress, until it reached my lower back. The sensation was divine on my back. I turned around and looked him in the eyes while I shrugged out of my dress and dropped it on the floor. 

\- Dorcas, what are you... He began. 

\- Don’t you think it’s time we took a step forward? I purred, finding it quite difficult to pronounce everything rightly due to my drunken state. 

\- We’re in no rush, Fury, he said. 

\- Right, you don’t want to, great, I said, feeling stupid standing in front of him in my underwear. 

I turned around to go hide in the bathroom, but he reaches for my hand and pulled me back to him. 

\- You got it all wrong, Dorcas. Believe me, I want to. 

\- Clearly, you slept with all the bimbos in the world, I understand that I’m pale in comparison... I complained in a whiny annoying voice. 

\- All the bimbos in the world, really? He said, mocking me. 

I pulled my hand away from his harshly and went to my bed, pulling the covers up and turning my back to him. I heard him laugh a little, before I felt the mattress move when he sat in my back. 

\- Stop laughing at me, I groaned. 

\- Tell me what’s going on, then, he said. 

\- Nothing, I’ve just heard about your sexual relationship with Rosalyn... I began. 

\- And? 

\- And, it made me feel... Like a lousy pathetic prude, I sighed. 

\- A prude, eh? He said. 

I heard him take off his shoes and felt him entering the bed to snuggle me. He began to delicately kiss my neck, then shoulder, while I was feeling his hand on my bra, unclasping it. He gently took it off me. 

\- If you were a prude, you wouldn’t let me do this, right? He whispered in my ear. 

His hand came to cup my breast, gently stroking it, then pinching the nipple a little bit, making me gasp. 

\- Also, a prude wouldn’t let me do this, he said, while I felt his hand reaching my underwear and pulling on it to take it off. 

His hand reached my most sensitive spot and began caressing it, making me moan in an instant. My head was still spinning a little, from the alcohol abuse, but it felt more like my inhibitions were vanished, leaving me only my appetite for what was happening. His hand was alternating between my boobs and down south, to the point that I was about to explode from the need to be released. 

\- Please, Sirius, I implored him. 

\- Oh? My prude girlfriend wants something? He laughed in my ear. 

\- Shut up, already. I get it, all right? Now, please, I insisted, taking his hand and bringing it where I needed it. 

\- That’s my naughty Fury, he whispered, biting my ear. 

I reached my peak only seconds after, muffling my pleasure in my pillow. Then, I turned to him, as he was smiling at me in the faint glow of the fire dying in the hearth. 

\- See? Not a prude, he said. We took our time, because this is all new to you, and I want you to enjoy it, every step of the way, he added, kissing me. 

\- I understand, I said. But, there’s a step I wanted to take for quite a while, now... 

\- Which is? He asked, smiling. 

I didn’t answer. Instead, I went under the blanket and began to unbutton his trousers. 

\- Oh no no no! I heard him say, as I was beginning to unzip him. 

\- What the heck? I said. 

He pulled on me to get me out from under the blanket. 

\- What is your problem? I asked, irritated. 

\- My problem is, if you’re doing this, you’re not hiding under these, he said, pointing the blanket. I want to look at you while you do it, he said, his eyes shining with an excited glow. 

\- Oh. You do? I asked. 

\- Are you really doubting that I’ve seen you do this countless times in my head? He smirked at me. 

\- All right, then, I shrugged, unbuttoning his shirt. 

Then, he raised up to a sitting position, his back to the headboard, while I was resuming the removing of the pants. I was surprised to find him immediately naked. 

\- Oh. So, no underwears? I asked, unable to tear my eyes from the view to look at his face. 

\- No, I’m not a fan of knickers, he said, his voice a lower tone 

That fact would clearly never leave my mind when I’ll look at him in the future... I was unable to wait longer, I just reached for him with my right hand. I immediately looked up to him, to see that he was enjoying even just that simple touch. The feeling was great. I was feeling in control. In control of both of us. That was empowering. I began to move my hand a little, still looking at his face and he looked pretty pleased. I stick with my first plan and accompanied my hand with my mouth. That’s when he completely lost it... 

*** 

OUCH. It felt like a deja-vu. Like months ago, when I woke up in the same bed, with the same feeling that my head was imploding and that I was searching for water in a desert. I got up, realised that I was naked, then remembered. Oh, yeah. We didn’t go all the way, but I think we could say that we step up. Why isn’t he here in bed with me? I don’t remember him going away. Arf. I really felt like crap. I put my pyjama on, went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth and splashed water on my face. Ughhh... I went out of my room and entered Sirius’. He was fast asleep, lying on his stomach, his hands under his pillow. I climbed in bed next to him, groaning loudly. He opened his eyes and looked at me. 

\- Morning, drunk ass, he welcomed me. 

\- Kill me now. 

\- Hangover much? 

\- I forgot my damned potions home, I complained. 

He got up, open a drawer, rummaged in it for a while, then came back in bed. 

\- Here, Prongs gave it to me, but you look like you need it more than I do, he said, giving me a potion. 

\- Best Christmas gift ever, I praised him. 

\- What? If I had known it was so easy to please you, I wouldn't have bothered to find you a gift! 

\- Oh no, do bother, I loved it, I said, thinking about the Foe glass he gave me yesterday. Don’t mind me, I’m not in a normal state, I groaned, before I popped open the potion and downed it with a grimace. 

\- So, remember anything about last night? He smirked at me. 

\- If you’re asking if I remember about giving you a blow job, yeah, I do, I said, smirking back. 

I wasn’t ashamed about it, since clearly, he loved it. 

\- Merlin, where you not supposed to be prude? He smiled. 

\- Being prude is boring, being depraved is much more interesting, I said. 

\- That is so not a depraved pyjama, though, he mocked my red flannelette piece of clothes. 

\- Boring, eh? I said, the potion getting me in a better shape already. 

I got up from the bed. 

\- Hey, don’t go, I was joking, he smiled. 

\- Yeah, right, you’re very unappreciative of this perfectly fine piece of clothing, I said, unbuttoning it. 

\- You’re right, I can see it better now, from your point of view, he said, raising an eyebrow. 

I opened my pyjama top, just enough for him to see that I wasn’t wearing any bra, but leaving the last two buttons fastened, before I took off the pants and tossed them farther with my foot. 

\- Well, you don’t mind if I borrow your shower, right? I asked, opening the bathroom’s door. 

I was turning the shower on when I heard him follow me. 

*** 

After the delicious shower, we had breakfast with the Potters and Lily. Then, Sirius took me for a ride on his motorcycle. We were flying for a while now, and I was enjoying every second of it. The feeling was incredible, up there, in the wind, above the clouds. He took a turn and began to go down. Where was he taking me? We weren’t in James’ house neighbourhood, nor near my gran or else. We landed in front of a wood barrier blocking a path into the woods. Sirius took out his wand and silently casted Alohomora on the barrier, because it clicked open. We rolled in, then he closed it again after us. I was more and more intrigued, but it was hard to have a conversation with the loud sound coming from the bike, so I waited. We rode down the path for a while, then arrived in a little clearing with a small fieldstone house in the centre of it. Sirius stopped the bike and we disembarked from it. 

\- Where are we? I asked. 

He smiled at me, while rummaging in his pocket, then showed me an old key. 

\- This is my place, he grinned. 

\- WHAT? I shouted. 

\- Yeah. I’ve been doing the same thing you did at your flat, I was setting up my new home. You like it? 

\- Do I... Are you kidding? I said, looking at it. I LOVE IT. I want to see inside, I rushed him. 

\- Follow me, then, he smiled at me while going to the door to unlock it. 

Then, he opened the door and let me go before him. He took his wand to open the curtains and the lights. The ground floor was one big open room. We were entering in the kitchen and dining room, then there was a big fireplace in the centre of it, delimiting this area with the living room that was on the back. Sirius casted a spell on the fireplace to light up a fire. 

\- So? He asked, as I felt his stare on my back while I was exploring and passing my hand over the beautiful vintage furniture. 

\- How did you find this place? I asked. 

\- It’s Fleamont’s find. You know, the muggle who sold our new Quidditch spot to him? They’re getting old, and this place here was their second residence, their cabin in the woods, where they would come to spend the weekends. They don’t want to take care of it anymore, so they decided to sell it. Great, right? 

\- Great? This place is perfect for you, I said, turning to him, before I passed in front of him to head upstairs. 

The stairs were leading to a corridor with three doors. The first was a bathroom, with a shower and an antique standing bathtub, with one side going higher, perfect to lean your back on it. I was for sure trying this bath soon... Then, the second door was a small bedroom, with pale blue walls and a patchwork bedcover on the white iron-framed bed. 

\- For visitors, I heard in my back. 

I turned to look at him. 

\- Visitors like me? I smiled. 

\- Oh no. You have a VIP pass, giving you free access to the other room. My bedroom, he said, smiling back at me. 

I followed him to the last door. He opened it on a more spacious room, with dark red walls, clearly showing how much he likes Gryffindor’s colours. The bed was ebony with big wooden uprights and a black and soft-looking comforter. Sirius lit the fire in the big black fireplace as I was entering the room to look at it. Sirius’ house. Sirius’ bedroom. 

\- I love your house, I said, turning to look at him. 

\- And I love to see you in it, especially here, he said, coming closer. 

he plunged his hand into my hair and pulled me towards him to kiss me. I answered immediately, pulling him closer to me to deepen it. 

\- Sirius? I asked him, as we were taking a pause to breath. 

\- Hm? He simply answered. 

\- That bed clearly needs to see more action, after years with boring old blokes, I suggested. 

\- You think? He raised an eyebrow, smirking at me. 

Not answering, I began to pull on his dark gray woolen jumper, passing it over his head to get it off. He did the same with me. We got naked pretty fast. He kissed me, then made me do a circle and put me in front of him, my back on his chest. I raised my head and saw that we were in front of the big ornated mirror over the drawer's chest. 

\- Look how beautiful you are, he whispered in my ear. 

I looked at my reflection. My eyes were shiny, my cheeks were flushed, my breast were pointing next to my long wavy hair cascading on each side of it. Sirius took one side of my hair and tossed it behind my shoulder, revealing more of my breast. I looked up at him, to see that he was staring at my body in the mirror. His right hand came to cup my right breast. Like the other times he did this last night and in the shower this morning, the sensation was exquisite. It actually sent electric currents directly to my underbelly. His other hand rested on my belly and pressed gently on it for me to be glued to him, making me feel the wanting he had for me in my lower back. His hand went down and went to touch me down there, making me moan a little. I rested my head on his shoulder and felt him kissing my jaw. I closed my eyes as he was caressing me gently, one hand on my breast and the other between my legs. 

\- Open your eyes, Fury... He whispered to me. Look at yourself, he added. 

I opened my eyes and looked at him, his eyes very dark, looking at mine through the mirror’s reflection. My cheeks were now turning crimson red under his sweet torture. It wasn’t fair. He still has all his control as I was more and more turning unto a wreck. I struggled a little to free one of my hand and reach for him in my back, touching him over his pants. 

\- Fury, if you go there now, I may have difficulty to keep focused on what I’m doing, he groaned. 

\- I don’t care, I said, contorting myself in the effort of opening his pants. 

Seeing my struggles, his right hand let go of my boob and helped mine with its task. 

\- While at it... He said, pulling me to the bed and pushing me gently on it. 

I looked at him with a mix of curiosity, fear and excitation. 

\- Merlin, he groaned, looking at me before he came in bed over me, kissing me fervently and full of tongue, his hands exploring me as I was doing the same with mine... 

*** 

\- Hmmm...? 

Sirius was weakly trying to open his eyes. We fell asleep naked and snuggling under the blankets earlier. The sun was already declining a little, so it must be the end of the afternoon. I began to kiss him and caress his face to wake him up. That was fun. I mean, yeah, there was a little ache, for a while, at first when he entered me, but it didn’t last. It turned fun pretty fast. We did it two times in a row before we just ran out of energy and fell asleep. I understand now what the fuss was about. It’s actually very fun. And intense. I woke up, looked at Sirius, his smell all over me and around me, and it all came back at once. The desire. The wanting. The urge. I wanted more. I began to caress his perfect chest, my hand trailing down slowly. He opened his eyes and smirked at me. 

\- Really? He mocked me. 

\- If you don’t want to, it’s fine, I said, getting up from bed. 

\- Bring that magnificent naked butt in here! He laughed. 

I came back to bed, laughing. 

*** 

I was still dozing off when I heard a distant sound. Was it a knock at the door? 

\- SIRIUS? DORCAS??? 

It was James’ voice. There was something wrong with it. There was urgency, panic in it. I sat down quickly, looking worriedly at Sirius who was already getting up and beginning to put clothes on. I did the same, but he was quicker and went to his door, with only pants on. 

\- Oi! We’re here, James, I’m coming! He said, worry clear in his voice while getting out of the bedroom. 

I had a bad feeling about this. There was a lump in my throat. I took a second, shook my head, reassuring myself that nothing was wrong. They surely were just worried were we was. We were gone for hours and didn’t tell anyone where we were going. I put my bra on and found my sweater at the end of the bed. I opened the bedroom door and listened. The boys were speaking downstairs, I wasn’t hearing well, but they were clearly upset. When I went down the stairs, they stop talking and raised their head to look at me. They looked afraid of me. What the hell was going on? 

\- What? I asked, beginning to feel upset too, even though I had no idea what was the cause. 

\- We were looking for you, Dorcas... Something very bad happened... James began. 

Sirius came closer to me with a terrified look in his eyes. 

\- You... James said that we need to go see your dad, at your gran’s. 

\- What happened? I asked, my heart skipping a beat. 

\- I shouldn’t... I shouldn’t be the one to... James sighed. 

\- James Potter, you’re telling me right now, I said with a demanding tone. 

\- Your parents... They made a... They set a trap to try to catch... Those death eaters... 

\- Yeah? I said, urging him. 

\- It’s like... Information leaked or something... The Death eaters were waiting for them... They were outnumbered... 

\- Are they fine? I asked, gripping James’ arm. 

\- Your dad is a little hurt, but he’ll be fine... He said, trying to avoid my insistent gaze. 

\- What about my mom? I asked, fearing his answer. 

\- She... She got the killing curse... 

I felt Sirius trying to support me as I was falling down from the shock, before I blacked out. 


	35. Of Downfall and Numbness

I opened my eyes, feeling a cold sweat and a headache. Did I faint? I wondered where I was for a second, then recognised the familiar odour surrounding me. I was at grans. I sat up promptly, panic returning to me very fast as I recall why I fainted. I was on the couch, in my gran’s living room. My dad was sitting on the chair facing my couch, looking at me. He looked exhausted. He looked old. Much older than when I last saw him less than two days ago... 

\- Is it true, dad, is she really gone? I croaked. 

\- Yes. 

He didn’t say anything else, just covered his face with his hands, his shoulders shaking. I stood up and crashed in his arms, sobbing with him. 

*** 

I was facing mom’s tombstone, after the funerals. I’d told the others to go on, that I needed a moment alone with her, that I would join them in a bit. 

\- Mom, I began, with the annoyingly high-pitched voice of someone who's vocals chords were constricted with tears. I know you prepared me about this. To your possible sudden death. I know I’m supposed to be able to handle this well. Or, at least, better than I am right now. I know that. Things is, mom, I’m not. The pain is too much. So, I hope you’ll not resent me for this. But I need a break from the pain, you understand? It’s too much, I said, taking out my wand. I remember your warnings, I do... It’s just too painful... 

I took a deep breath, then did it. The thing I know she would disagree about. But she did it for a bad break-up. I’m doing it because I couldn’t stop being in pain after my mother got murdered. I felt entitled to do it. 

\- _Volo ut nullo_ , I recited. 

The pain was instantaneous, bringing me to my knees. I dropped my wand and my hands reached for something to hold on to, there was only grass, so I pulled hard on it, tearing it apart. I bite on my lips until I felt blood in my mouth. That lasted for a while. Time is hard to evaluate when you’re in pain. Hell, how many days past since my mom’s death? Three? Five? Seven? I just numbly saw them pass by, like if I was out of my body, looking at all that miserable sadness from afar. After I don’t know how long, I felt able to stand up. The pain was duller, physical pain as much as psychological. I took another big breath in, then out, and I disapparated. 

*** 

_Lily_

Dorcas entered in her gran’s house, under all our silent gazes. She somewhat looked... Different. I was unable to see what changes, but something did. Her eyes were different. The way she moved, too. She looked around, shook her head in annoyance, then went up the stairs to her room, and we heard the door close. 

\- Should I go? I whispered to James. 

\- I don’t know, maybe she needs some time alone, he said. 

I turned to Sirius, who was looking like he wanted to just disappear. He was pretty uncomfortable with those kinds of situations. Plus, James told me that he was kind of mad to be a lousy comfort for his girlfriend. He didn’t know what to do to or say to make her feel better, as well as the rest of us. We were all staying for Dorcas, because we weren’t staying for the jolly atmosphere. Mr. Meadowes left half an hour ago, saying vaguely that he needed to run some urgent errands. Dorcas grans was burying herself in work, we were hearing her rummaging in the kitchen at the moment, while Mrs. Potter was helping her. James’ father went back home, he hadn't been feeling very well since his last trip to Egypt... That would be a crappy New Year’s Eve, tonight, not that it was anyone’s fault... 

\- Well, the hell with it, I’m going up there! Marlene exclaimed, getting up from the couch. 

\- Do you think that I should come to? Mary asked. 

\- I think that she needs all of us right now, Marlene said, getting to the stairs. 

All of us looked at one another, then everyone got up and followed Marlene upstairs. That was a good thing that her bedroom was big, because it would be crowded with the eight of us in it. As we arrived, Marlene was already in. 

\- Everything’s fine, hon? She said to Dorcas, who was rummaging through her stuff. 

\- Oh yeah, totally. I’m packing up for tonight, Dorcas shrugged. 

We all entered and went to sit on the bed and around it, looking at her. 

\- Tonight? I repeated. 

Dorcas turned to me, frowning. 

\- Is it not the night of the little bash at our place? Dorcas asked. 

\- Euh. Yeah. But, I thought, you know, with everything... That we would cancel... I thread carefully. 

\- And why? What should we do instead? Stay here in a circle and cry? I think I’ve cried enough, don’t you think? She said. 

\- Well... I began. 

\- James, could you take care of the booze? 

James looked at me, then at Dorcas. 

\- I guess I can, yeah... He replied. 

\- I can bring snacks? Marlene suggested, always ready for a party. 

\- Marvelous, Lils, you’re in charge of music, all right? Dorcas asked me. 

\- Of course, I agreed. 

My best friend was looking a little out of it. A little numb. But I guess I can’t relate to the feeling and coping of losing a mother. Maybe she just needed a night off and that was perfectly fine. 

\- Perfect, then, I’m all set, I’ll be on my way there, you guys can come later, around seven? Dorcas said, clearly kicking us out. 

*** 

_Sirius_

\- We’ll be in 1978 in a minute! McKinnon shouted. 

I looked around to locate my girlfriend. She was coming out of the bathroom, her face serious while going to the kitchen area to take another glass of James’ cocktail. I went to her. 

\- Hey, come here, you, I said, taking her hand. 

\- What for? She asked. 

\- It’ll be the new year in... I said, looking at Marlene. 

\- In TEN! Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two... Marlene made the countdown. 

\- One, I whispered to Dorcas. Happy New Year! I shouted with everyone, while Dorcas said it with small conviction. 

I guess it was normal, considering. I slipped my hand through her hair and pulled her closer for a New Year’s kiss. Something was off. She didn’t respond to it as she would usually do. But again, I guess that she was allowed to be off... For a while... I hugged her tight. 

\- What can I do, to make it better... I whispered to her. 

\- Nothing. I’m fine, she shrugged. 

\- Yeah, I remember last time you said that to me. You lied that time, he sighed, resting his forehead on mine. 

\- Looked at me, Dorcas demanded. 

I pulled back a little to look her in the eyes. She sustained my gaze before she continued. 

\- I assure you that I’m fine, she repeated. I’m better. I will no longer be a pain, she added. 

\- You can be a pain as long as you want, Fury. I’m not asking you to be fine. You’re allowed to grieve, I won’t go anywhere. I’m right here. 

\- Thanks, it’s appreciated, she stated, but without any trace of emotion in her eyes. You want another drink? She offered. 

\- No, thanks, I sighed, turning back from her and heading to the nearest couch. 

I looked around, to see that everybody was looking entertained, with the exception of Remus, who was looking at me. He came to sit by my side. 

\- She’s weird, he said. 

\- Yeah, you would be too, if you lost your mom, I guess. I cannot really relate, I said. 

\- I know. But I have the feeling that’s she’s not... Herself, am I crazy? 

\- I find her odd too, so that makes the two of us... I said, turning to him. 

\- Sirius... I’m sorry, he began. 

\- Don’t be, I was the one being a jerk with you. 

He shrugged, then he let out a little nervous laugh. 

\- Well, I mean... I wouldn’t say a jerk, I would say being stupid, seeing that you would think that I could stole her from you, idiot! He laughed. 

\- I’m not an idiot, Moony. I’m just counting on the fact that she’ll continued to be blind by my good look and forget how awesome you are, I said, smiling at him. 

\- You’re more than a good look, pal, Remus said. 

\- Merlin, we sound like lame people flirting, I laughed. 

\- I’m not flirting with you, you’re not my type. I saw you butt naked and believe me that was a dreadful sight, Remus said, pretending to shiver from disgust. 

\- I can return the compliment, your hairy werewolf ass is quite something ugly too, I mocked him too, but not loud for people to hear. 

\- But I do love you, mate, dreadful butt or not, Remus added with a small smile. 

\- I know, I said, finding myself funny with my Star Wars’ inside joke. I love you too, I added seeing his confused face. 

\- Oi! Are you blokes confessing love without me? James said, while seating on my armrest. 

\- You know we love you too, tosser, I said, nudging him. 

\- I know, how could you not? James asked. 

\- Oh, in fact, I wrote a list of your flaws, it’s getting very substantial, actually, Remus laughed. 

They continued to rant, and my attention got caught by Dorcas going to her room. I got up and followed her. I knocked on her door. 

\- You can come in, I heard her behind the door. 

I entered and saw that she was sitting on her bed. 

\- Everything’s fine? I asked, coming to sit next to her. 

\- Yeah, I was bored, I wondered if you would follow, actually, she said. 

She took her wand and pointed it on the door. 

\- Colloportus! Muffliato! She recited. 

She turned to me and began to unfasten my shirt. I was surprised. I didn’t think that she would be in that mood for a while. I kissed her. Still no warm reaction to my kiss from her. She was a little cold on that area, compared to the usual. Yet again, she was allowed to be weird. I unzipped her dress and pulled it up, while she helped me by lifting herself a little from the bed. She then pushed me to the centre of her bed and began to open my pants. I was naked in no time, then she herself removed her panties, before she climbed on me, clearly deciding to be on top. I pulled on her to kiss her, and yet, no warm response from her. But, before she pulled away from me, her lips went close to my ear. 

\- Please... Make me feel something, she asked. 

I tried my best to respond to her request... 

*** 

_Dorcas_

I disembarked from him, after he was done, and slipped under the covers. At least, the sex was giving me some good sensations. Let’s be clear, I was feeling way better than I was for the last days. I was feeling a little numb, and that was a huge relief from the pain. But, I kind of craved for something less... Gray. I needed a little colours spot. I thought that sex would be part of the answer. It was good, but it wasn’t as good as it was the other day. It was more... Mechanical. Less passionate. But then again, clearly the spell wasn’t helping, removing emotions and passion from it, I guessed. I turned on my side to try to go to sleep, and I felt him coming closer to spoon me. I kind of didn’t want him to, but I was too tired to turn him off, so I let him. 

*** 

I was walking through the alleys of the library, searching for an empty spot to work on my Potion essay, when I located a table only occupied by one student. Regulus Black. I went in his direction. 

\- Can I sit here? I asked him. 

He looked up at me, then recognizing me, his eyes went wide in surprise. 

\- Yes, of course, he agreed, still looking flabbergasted. 

I dropped my pile of books and my bag on the table before I pulled on the chair to sit on it. He was still staring at me. 

\- Something’s wrong? I asked him. 

\- No. I mean, yes. I mean... I’m simply surprised that you would want to sit with me... 

\- And why is that? I asked. 

\- I learned about your mother, he said. 

\- Yeah? 

He was now frowning at me in incomprehension. 

\- She was killed, by Death eaters? He continued. 

\- I know. 

\- I mean... Those people you consider my crew... He said, looking like he was about to lose it. 

\- You didn’t kill her yourself, did you? I asked. 

\- No, of course, not, he began. 

\- Then why on earth would I resent you for it? I asked. Can I get to work, now? I said. 

\- Hum. Yes, of course... He agreed, still frowning. 

*** 

_Sirius_

\- Sirius! I heard in my back, as I was heading outside for my Care for Magical Creatures’ class. 

A voice I didn’t thought I would hear calling after me, after all those years. I turned back to see my little brother following me. 

\- What could you possibly want? I greeted him coldly. 

\- I just needed to ask you something, he said. 

\- I’m all ears, I sarcastically said. 

\- Your girlfriend... She isn’t well, is she? He asked. 

\- Oh no, she’s perfectly fine, her mother just got murdered by your pals, I groaned. 

\- That’s my point, brother. Listen to me. She came to me in the library, to work at my table. 

\- Yeah, right, she did. She hates your guts, and your friends killed her mum, of course, she wants to be around you, I laughed at him. 

\- Exactly my point. She was acting friendly, Sirius. I repeat, she isn’t well. Something’s wrong with her.

I frowned deeply at him. I was kind at a loss for words. I knew she wasn’t at her best, but to be acting friendly with Regulus, of all people, someone who impersonated the people who broke her family, that was deeply wrong. 

\- See? Think, brother. She may be under a spell or potion, I think I may have a lead. Something I read years ago, I’ll look into it, he said. 

\- And why on Merlin would you want to help us? I snorted. 

\- You’re still my brother, even if I wish you weren’t, he said, before he turned on his heels and went back to the castle. 

*** 

_Sirius_

I opened the door of the GQ and let James and Lily enter before I followed them. 

\- So, what did you want to talk to us about? Lily asked. 

\- I just wanted to verify something with you, I began. My brother came to see me, earlier today. 

\- He did? Why? James asked, frowning deeply. 

\- I know, it’s weird. And brace yourself, the weirder part is yet to come. He came to talk to me about Dorcas. 

\- What? What about her? Don’t tell me he got information concerning Luvinia’s murder? Lily said. 

\- No, no. He told me that... Dorcas was acting weird with him. She was friendly. 

\- There’s no way, last time they spoke she shouted at him, Lily frowned. 

\- I know, that’s why he came to the conclusion that she may be under a spell or something. She is very odd, since her mom’s funeral, or is it just me who’s divagating? I said. 

\- No, it’s not just you. We’re all concerned. Her roommates, I mean. She’s... I don’t know how to say... It’s like she doesn’t... 

\- Like she doesn’t feel anything anymore? I said. 

\- True, that, it’s like she’s numb to everything happening around her, James agreed. 

\- Then again, isn’t it normal, after her loss? I asked. 

\- I don’t know, Lily sighed. It’s not the first time I see her acting like this. She did the same thing the night that Mary’s neighbours got attacked. It didn’t last long, though. Now it’s been what, a week? 

\- More than that, it’s been nearly two weeks. 

\- And did Regulus had an idea about what it could be, if we accept the theory that she’s cursed or something? James asked. 

\- He said he may have a lead, but I wouldn’t count on him, I sternly said. 

\- I agree, we should research ourselves, Lily said. 

*** 

_James_

\- Crème brûlée, I said, wondering what kind of candy or dessert that could be. 

Dumbledore was reputed to be fond of sweets and all the passwords to access his office were under that theme. I just got interrupted during my DADA’s class by Professor McGonagall who asked me to go see the headmaster. The turning staircase got me up and in front of the door leading to Dumbledore’s office. I wondered why he was summoning me. With all that was happening, I had less time for pranks, so there was no cause for a lecture from the headmaster. Even if, he never gave it his best. I was kind of suspecting him to be part of the Marauder’s fanbase. I knocked and waited. 

\- You can come in, Mr. Potter, I heard him say behind the door. 

I entered and walk toward him. He was caressing Fumseck, his Pheonix. 

\- You wanted to see me, Sir? I asked. 

\- Yes, come and sit, I need to talk to you, he said. 

His face was pretty serious. It wasn’t his usual self. Normally, he was smiling, saying philosophic things that I wasn’t always getting... 

\- Is everything allright, Sir? I asked, while seating myself in a chair facing his desk. 

\- I fear not. I got a message from your mother, by Floo. Your dad just got admitted to St-Mungo's... 

\- He what? He’s not feeling better? I asked, concerned. 

\- He got a diagnosis. It seems that he caught Dragon Pox while he was in Egypt... 

\- Dragon Pox? But... Is it... How bad is it? I gulped. 

\- It is bad... And... It’s very contagious... 

\- Don’t tell me that my mother... 

\- She caught it too, I’m afraid... 

\- Can I go see them??? I asked. 

\- That’s why I called you here. I’ll arranged a Portkey for you. It will lead you in Mr. Thompson’s office, he’s head healer of the Magical virus’ department. He’ll guide you through all the procedures to keep yourself safe from the virus’ propagation. 

\- I... I understand. Thank you, I sighed, feeling very tired all of a sudden. 

Was I losing both my parents? What was going on? I knew they were old, that they wouldn’t be around for years and years, but I thought that they would at least see me get married and get to know my kids and all... But I needed to be realistic. Dragon Pox was the deadliest magical virus there was... Healers were working actively to find a cure to it for decades now. It was like it was always mutating and it was driving the scientists crazy. And now my parents were suffering from it... Merlin, I was hoping that my parents would cheat the statistics and not make me an orphan within the next few weeks... 

\- I’m profoundly sorry, said Dumbledore with a sad expression to his face, making me doubt that I could have hope... 

*** 

_Dorcas_

\- My condolences, I said, shaking James’ hand. 

He looked down at me, his eyes rimmed with red. His hand that I was shaking pulled on mine and he hugged me. I didn’t know how to react, taken by surprise. 

\- Thanks, Meadowes, he sniffed in my hair. 

I took a step back as he was releasing me. 

\- Yeah, no problem, I said. 

The condolences line wasn’t long, since James and their parents were kind of alone, without any other close relatives. I went out of the living room, crowded with family’s friends, and went to the kitchen to fill a glass of water. As I was turning to go out of the room, I saw that Sirius was holding a shaking with sobs Rosalyn. I tried to remember why I was supposed to not like her. I forgot. 

*** 

_Sirius_

I was sitting on a windowsill watching the snow swirling outside, trying in vain to concentrate on my class’ readings. Thing is, I read the last sentence for something like ten times before I just dropped the book and looked outside. What a shitty winter. Dorcas’ loss. Dorcas’ general I-don't-care-about-anything-anymore's new attitude. I just never saw her anymore. She’d been avoiding me for weeks. In fact, she’d been avoiding everyone. She found a new passion for studies and we weren’t welcome in it. I didn’t even know if we were together anymore. We searched for a clue or something in the library for a while, concerning what my brother told me, but it was in vain... And James... James who became an orphan within a few weeks. I was very sad for him. And also, very selfishly, I was very sad for myself. Fleamont and Euphemia have been more of parents for me for the last years that my parents has been for me my entire life. They literally made me a place in their family, making me feel like I finally belong in one. They became my family. The one I’ve chosen. Now they were gone... 

\- Brother? I heard. 

I turned my head from the window to look at a member of my unchosen, but real family. 

\- I think I found it. 

\- What now? 

\- What is your girlfriend’s problem, he said. 

\- Oh, do you now? I snidely commented. 

\- Listen, if you don’t want my help, he began. 

\- I just don’t understand why you would want to help, or even why you’re talking to me. You made it clear years ago that you wanted nothing to do with me... I said, letting my foul mood getting the best of me. 

\- Well, you made it clear, when you abandoned me in this house, years ago, that you didn’t give a damn about me either, he groaned. 

\- What the hell? 

\- You didn’t need the little annoying brother anymore, did you? You found a new family, in Gryffindor, of all places. You ceased to be on my side, as soon as you left me. Well I learned to not need you anymore. 

\- Reg’, I never wanted to... 

\- It’s too late. If there was something between us, before, it’s dead and buried for long ago, now. You could... You could at least had answered my letters... He said, his face turning into a grimace. 

\- I answered all of your cold and cordial letters, I frowned. 

\- Cordial and cold? Really? And you never answered, don’t lie to me, he groaned. 

Then it clicked in my mind and I laughed. 

\- Don’t you see? As usual, mother controlled everything. She clearly intercepted our mail! I shouted. 

\- You always thought that she is like that, but you’re wrong, he said, with something like doubt in his eyes. 

\- You’ll never see her for what she is, a crazy manipulative bitch, I spat. 

\- Once again, I was a fool to think that we could have a civilised conversation, he said. Here, he added, giving me a piece of paper before he turned on his heels and left. 

It was a parchment piece, with notes written in his perfect calligraphy. 

**_Restricted Area of the library_ **

**_Dark magic section_ **

**_From the book Practical guide to dark arts spells_ **

What? He got that in a Dark magic book? I was more and more worried. I continued to read, there was a title under the location notice. 

**_Composure’s spell_ **

**_That spell can be used to temper completely all emotions to be focus for a task. It was first invented by Ulrich Benneth in 1891 He lost his wife and children in a fire who destructed multiple area of London. Benneth was a professional Quidditch player, and the team was running for the World cup when the tragedy occurred. He managed to create the spell to be able to focus on the sport. It came to the open when a journalist followed him and heard him talk about it to a teammate. The spell got forbidden from the sport not long after. Unfortunately, Benneth was under it for a year when he was forced to make the counter spell, or he would lose his place in the team. The pain that was toss away by the spell came all back at once and it was too much for him to endure. He got locked up in the hospital in the mental illness department for the rest of his days._ **

Well, nothing to get me to be less worried... I couldn’t believe that Dorcas would use dark magic spells... I continued to read. 

**_Though the spell is not recommended for a long-term use, obviously, it could be very practical to be focus while in combat or else. We recommend using it wisely._ **

**_The effects are the followings:_ **

**_\- Recurrent physical pain_ **

**_\- Fatigue_ **

**_\- Numbness_ **

**_\- The disappearance of all emotions, like pain, fear, love, anger, and all the others... To be replaced by cold focus._ **

There were drawings of the wand movements going with the spell, then the words of the spell: _Volo ut nullo_ , and then the counterspell: _Volo sentient._ Could that really be it? Is there a chance that stupid spell could explain what was going on with Dorcas? I got up, put my book in my bag and ran upstairs to Gryffindor’s tower. 


	36. Of Awakening and Damage control

*** 

I was in the GQ, studying. That was where I was spending most of my time these days. I had both eyes on my most important goal: to get in the Auror’s training program. For now, it was February 17th, and the teachers were more and more exigent on our assignments, constantly buzzling us about NEWTS and how it would be a game changer to perform great in those. I knew that already. And, since everybody were getting on my nerves, lately, I was locking myself up here most of the time. Actually, I was practically living here, most of the time, I didn’t need roommates to distract me and social life was too time-consuming. My friends were always on my back, trying to get me to hang out more, but I was too focused to be bothered. Sirius wasn’t even trying anymore. I guess that having a boyfriend during NEWTS year was kind of a bad idea to begin with. We didn’t properly end our relationship, per say, but in my opinion, it was pretty much over. 

My heart jumped as I heard the door open in my back. Who the hell could that be? My friends knew better than to disturb me, I thought, pissed off already. I got up to see who had the nerves to come and I was about to tell him or her off, when I saw that the headmaster was closing the door behind him, before he faced me. 

\- Professor Dumbledore? I said, too surprised to greet him properly. 

\- It’s quite the perfect place to study, he said, nodding to our surroundings. 

\- How did you find me? I asked. 

\- Oh, your friends told me where I would certainly find you, he said, while coming to sit himself in the couch facing my armchair. Sit down, he said. 

I did, frowning at him. 

\- So, Miss Meadowes, I’ve learned that you’re doing pretty well in class? He asked. 

\- … I guess so...? I answered. 

\- Your mother would be proud! He said, looking intently at me. 

\- I guess she would, I shrugged. Is there a reason for your visit, Sir? Am I not allowed to be using the Room of Requirement? I guessed. 

\- Oh, no, not at all. I find that your use of that room is very appropriate, Miss. Meadowes. Except that I think that you should sleep up in your dorm, like any other student, he said, looking at the bed behind the couch. In fact, I’m here for something else. 

\- Which is? I impatiently asked. 

\- I’m here to talk to you about the spell you’re using to refrain the pain of your loss, he simply stated. 

I looked at him, understanding that I’ve been exposed. 

\- Who? How did you find out? I asked. 

\- That is not important. What is important is how to undo that unfortunate decision, he said. 

\- I don’t want to, I said. I’m fine. 

\- Oh, to stay in this state is not an option, I’m afraid. I just wanted to tell you how it will go. 

I stayed silent, seeing that he wasn’t on my side. 

\- That is dangerous and restricted magic you’ve been using, Miss Meadowes. May I ask you since when you’re under that spell? 

\- … Since my mother’s funerals, I admitted, crossing my arms, pouting. 

\- So, it’s been... nearly a month and a half, he calculated. 

\- I guess. 

\- Did you know how badly a long-term use of this spell can go? Did you know that people lost their mind by doing so? 

\- I didn’t, I admitted, not caring at all. 

\- Here’s what going to happen. You’ll be fine, Miss Meadowes, but you’ll need help. We’re going to the Hospital wing, where Miss. Pomfrey will administrate a strong sleeping potion to you, plunging you unto a deep and dreamless sleep. Then, I will say the counter spell. You will be put to sleep for three days, and you should be able to function when we’ll wake you up. Any questions? 

\- No, only a comment, I’ll fall behind in my studies, I pouted. 

\- What I care for is your well-being, Miss Meadowes, I’m positive that you’ll catch up pretty fast, he said, getting up. Shall we? 

I sighed loudly, packed my things in my bag and followed him out. 

*** 

I opened my eyes, feeling like I was once again on a terrible hangover. Merlin, I’ll really need to stop drinking, it was catastrophic. My throat was completely soared, and I had a gigantic headache. 

\- I think she’s awaking, I heard next to me. 

I looked around and saw that I was in the Hospital wing. What was I doing here? I saw Pomfrey coming by my side and helping me to sit, then she gave me something to drink. It was feeling a little like James’ potions, and I felt a little better already, warmth spreading through my body, my headache going away slowly. She moved and I saw that Remus was lying in the bed next to mine. 

\- Hey, he greeted me warmly. 

I looked at him, but before I was able to answer him, I got submerged with a flow of souvenirs of the last weeks. Mostly, I was overwhelmed with pain. My mom. She was gone. Forever. I would never again see her or hear her voice... I couldn’t refrain a pained sob from escaping me. Remus stood from his bed and came to sit on mine to hug me. 

\- Mr. Lupin, you shouldn’t get up, yet, Miss Pomfrey weakly protested. 

He was indeed looking very feeble and in a bad state. I guess last night must have been the full moon.... 

\- My friend needs me, he just answered her, defying her to try to stop him. 

\- I’ll... I’ll be close by if you need me, she simply replied, before leaving us. 

\- Everything will be fine, Remus whispered to me. 

The closeness was so welcome that I clung to him very strongly. It all came back at once, making me feel extremely dizzy. The souvenirs. The stupid spell. I had made myself numb, for a very long time. I pushed them all away, one by one. My boyfriend, my friends... Everyone... JAMES. Oh Merlin. James... 

\- James!!!! I said, sobbing even more in Remus’ neck. 

\- He’s fine, he knows that... You weren’t yourself... Remus said. 

\- I’m such an idiot, I sobbed. I’m so sorry... 

\- You were trying to feel better, he said. 

\- I ruined everything... I cried. I can’t believe you’re still friend with me, after what I did... I said, pulling myself back a little to be able to look at him. 

I remembered how inappropriate I was with him. 

*** 

_Remus_

_A week ago_

I needed to understand what was going on with Dorcas. It wasn’t possible that she just turned unto that person. She didn’t care about any of us anymore. It was like she didn’t need or like anyone these days. Lily told me about Regulus’ theory. I was kind of counting on it, because I couldn’t accept that the girl I loved for years, that funny, cunning, full of life and loving person was gone. I was helping with research, but it seemed like we were going nowhere. I decided to try to talk to her about it. I was on my way to our GQ, where I knew she was spending all of her free time these days. I made the door appear, then politely knocked to announce myself to her. 

\- What is it? I heard her say. 

I opened the door. She was there, all right, sitting in the armchair in front of the fireplace, surrounded by books. I closed the door in my back. 

\- Oh, hey, Remus, she said, without any enthusiasm. 

I took a look around. I realised that she had made herself pretty comfortable. The girls told me that she was more than often just staying here instead of with them in their dorm. There was a comfortable bed at the end of the room, and a door, surely a bathroom... The bed was undone and there were scattered clothes on it. 

\- So, you’re pretty much staying here, now? I asked her, turning to look at her. 

\- It’s more practical, she said. 

At that moment I really looked at her. She was seated comfortably in her armchair, her naked legs bent and reflecting the orange glow of the crackling fire behind it. She was wearing what seems to be only her school blouse, and the buttons were undone enough to get a good view of her cleavage. I was completely motionless, hypnotized by this vision. It looked like it came out from one of the daydreams I had about her... 

\- Everything’s fine, Remus? She said. 

\- Yeah, of course, I didn’t want to bother you... I said, taking a step back to the door. 

\- It’s fine, I mean, now that you did... She said, tossing her books and getting up. 

She was a vision all right. Her long legs were nearly entirely uncovered by the blouse which was barely long enough to cover her panties. Her hair was up, tied in a messy bun, some locks running free from it, framing her face. But the worst was the unbuttoned blouse, revealing just enough of her bra... I shook my head and gulped, trying to get back my brain. She was Sirius’ girlfriend. Or was she? It wasn’t very clear at the moment. But even so, I couldn’t... I took another step back. 

\- Am I intimidating you, Remus? She said, smirking, as she was coming closer to me. 

OF COURSE, YOU ARE, I shouted to her in my head. She was so desirable at the moment, that I was finding it very difficult to find it in me to just run away from her. 

\- I don’t understand, I mean, you shagged Marlene for a while, surely a half-naked girl isn’t something new for you? She said, while arriving in front of me. 

I took another step back. 

\- You perfectly know what the difference is, Dorcas, I managed to say. 

\- You think you love me, yeah, I know. But maybe you’re just mixing up love and lust. It's easy enough to verify, she purred, putting her hands on my chest. 

\- Dorcas, don’t do this, I said, taking another step back, closing in on the door behind me. Think about Sirius... 

\- What about him? We didn't even spoke for days, she said, unbuttoning another button of her blouse, making me see her bra. 

I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE, NOW, I thought. I closed my eyes and took a breath, feeling my resolve dissolving pretty fast. I must act now, or I’ll do what can be the worst mistake ever. Sirius would hate me forever. 

\- Merlin, Dorcas, what are you doing? What is happening to you? I sighed, shaking my head, before I got to the door and left without looking back... 

*** 

_Dorcas_

\- I’m mortified about that night, Remus... I said, still crying. I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am. I remember it, all of it. But I was deprived of all my senses and emotions... I didn’t care about anything or anyone. I’m so terribly sorry... You must think that I’m a whore... 

He stood up and came back to sit on his bed. 

-I can’t deny that for a little while, that night, it crossed my mind. But I remembered that you were completely different. I... I knew that you weren’t in your right mind. We all knew it, we just were unable to help, it was very frustrating... He sighed. 

\- Did you tell him? I asked, referring to Sirius. 

\- No, I’m not suicidal, he laughed. 

\- I hate lies, I sighed. 

\- I know, I feel the same. But some things are best unsaid... He said. 

I sighed, my hands over my face in shame. 

\- At least, nothing happened, thanks to you, I said, mortified at the idea that I could have sleep with him that night. 

\- Trust me, one of the hardest decisions I’ve made, he said, looking at the window to not look at me. 

\- You’re such a good person, Remus, I said. 

\- Please... Don’t say that. Let’s change the subject, he said, pain all over his features. 

I was such an imbecile to put him through this. Wasn’t it not enough that I wasn’t returning his feelings, I really needed to torture him some more? I was a horrible person, even if I wasn’t myself, the remorse I felt was unbearable. 

\- You know he came to see you every day, he said, clearly evoking Sirius. 

\- I don’t know how I can be worthy of you people, I sniffed loudly and inelegantly. ... How did you guys managed to know that I was under that spell? I asked. 

\- Thanks to Regulus, he’s the one who pointed us in the right direction... He said. 

\- Regulus... As in, Sirius brother??? 

\- Yeah, the fact that you were acting friendly with him raised suspicion on his part and he’s the one who told us to try to find a spell or a curse that could explain your state. 

\- He did? 

\- Actually, he’s also the one who found it, in the Restricted Area, in a Dark magic book, he frowned at me. 

\- … I know it’s bad. I found the spell in my mom’s diary, I’ve learned later on that it was that kind of magic... 

\- Ahem... I heard in my back. 

My dad was standing next to the bed, looking at us. 

\- I’ll give you two a moment, Remus said, standing up and going to see Pomfrey at the end of the room. 

My dad came to sit in the chair next to the bed. 

\- How are you feeling? He asked me. 

\- Like a wreck, I sniffed, still overwhelmed by all the emotions and feelings that were coming back. 

\- Good, then you’ll know better, next time. Don’t you ever do something that stupid again, you hear me? You’re all I have left, he said, his voice breaking at the end. 

\- I’m sorry dad, it was just... Too much... 

\- Do you think I don’t know that? You think you’re the only one suffering? While you were losing a mother, I was losing the love of my life, he said, hiding his face in his hands. 

\- I know, I’m sorry... I repeated. 

\- This is war, Dorcas. We will lose people. You might lose me too, one day. Merlin, I might even lose you to those bastards... He said fervently. But for now, we’re still here, we’re still alive, I’m not giving up the fight, and you will join it too. People will continue to die, Dorcas. I know how painful it is, trust me, but we’re on the good side of this war, and we’ll continue, in hope that someday, things will get better. If not for us, then it’ll be for the next generations of wizards, you understand? 

\- I do. 

\- You’re allowed to miss her, Merlin knows I do. But you’re not allowed to use that spell ever again, have I made myself clear enough? 

\- Yes. 

\- This is dark magic, Dorcas, you know better than this. And I know that Luvinia was using it sometimes. We fought often about it. 

\- Trust me, I won’t use it anymore... I said, feeling very stupid. 

\- Great, now come here, he said, standing up to comfort me, as I was still hyperventilating from all the overwhelming emotions coming back at once. 

*** 

\- You can go, take that special permission, in case someone is asking why you’re out of Gryffindor’s tower after curfew, Miss Pomfrey said, giving me a paper that she wrote on and signed. 

\- Thanks, I said. 

\- Will you be fine, dear? She asked, looking a little concerned. 

\- Yes, I’m fine... Good night... I said, leaving the infirmary. 

I walked back in direction of my tower, where all my friends will be. I didn’t even know what to say to them... I was happy that it was kind of late, so the Common Room was nearly empty when I came in. As I arrived in front of the stairs, I looked at it, wondering where I should go first. To the girls or to the boys? My heart panged loudly as I was thinking about Sirius. And James. I needed to see James very badly. It was urgent. I climbed their staircase very fast, then knocked at their doors. James opened it. I just threw myself at him, and I cursed myself as the flow of tears came back again, and I just dropped all attempt at not looking like a crazy person and just began to sob. I heard him sighed from something like relief, as he hugged me back pretty tightly. 

\- James, I’m so sorry... That I was so selfish and stupid, and that I wasn’t there when you needed me the most... I sobbed, while gripping him very strongly. 

\- It’s fine, Meadowes, I’m glad you’re back... He sighed. 

I pulled back a little to look up at him. It’s like I’ve not seen him truly in weeks. He looked tired, and sad, and thinner... 

\- You look like crap, I said, sniffing. 

\- You’re not super pretty too, at the moment, he smiled at me. I missed you, pest, he nudged me. 

\- I owe you like, big, big time, I said, smiling between the tears. 

\- Fine, I’ll be sure to remind you that you said that pretty often, he smiled at me. Come in, he said, pulling me by the arm to enter the dorm. 

\- Hey, Dorcas, Pete greeted me with a smile. Glad to have you back, I mean... You know... 

\- Yeah, I know, thanks, I smiled at him. 

I turned my head in direction of Sirius’ bed. Here he was, indeed, sitting on the edge of it, looking up at me.

\- We’ll... Come, Pete, mate, we’ll go downstairs for a bit, James said in my back, while I wasn’t detaching my eyes from Sirius’. 

I heard the door closing behind me and that made me jump. 

\- Why? Why would you do something like that? He asked me. 

I came to sit on Remus’ bed, facing him. 

\- Because I was devastated. Because I was weak. Because I was a coward... I said, still feeling tears running down my cheeks. My mom... I just couldn’t bare it, to lose her. And I knew about that stupid spell... I used it before, you know. That night, when I went to Mary’s after the attack... And that other time... After you told me that you didn’t want to be with me... I sniffed. 

\- You did? He asked me, his eyes wide. 

\- That night, Sirius, you broke my heart, I sighed. 

\- I didn’t know... He said. 

\- Well, I began, anyway... It was... Practical, and I managed to turn it on again soon enough... After my mom’s funerals, I thought... I needed a break, I thought... A week, or something? Thing is, it dulled me, and I it was feeling good, to feel numb... Focused on what I felt was important... So, I guess I just kind of forget I was still on it, after a while, or I just didn’t care anymore... 

He simply nodded, still looking at me with a serious expression. 

\- And now that it’s gone, I continued, it all came back. The pain from my loss, the pain for James’ lost, for pushing you away, you and the others. I regret this so bad, Sirius, you cannot begin to understand how much. 

\- And how do you feel, about me, now? He asked, his face still a little hard, I guess there was a little resentment... It was not the way he would usually look at me. I mean, before all this. 

But I deserved this, I thought. He was fully allowed to be mad at me. 

\- I miss you so much that it hurts... I sighed. And you have all the rights to be mad at me. You should be... I said, my hands beginning to tremble from the ache of not being able to touch him. 

\- I was giving up on you, he sighed. If my brother wouldn’t have found out that you were under a spell... I was clueless... He said. 

\- Are you feeling guilty right now? Because that’s ridiculous, it’s all on me... I frowned at him. 

He stopped looking at his hands and raised his face for his eyes to meet mine. 

\- You won’t do this ever again, right? He asked, very serious. 

\- Trust me, I feel so ashamed, it won’t happen again. I’ll just... Toughen up... I sniffed. 

\- That, and learn to rely on the people that loves you? He said. 

\- And by that, do you mean that you still love me? I asked, full of hope. 

He didn’t answer. I sighed and turned to look at the ceiling, trying to keep the tears in. I was tired of all the crying. He got up and came to face me. I raised my face to look at him. He was holding out his hand to me. I took it, and he pulled me up, then took me in his arms. I was overwhelmed by it. It was so good and a relief, that it was hurting me inside. His after shave delicious smell, his arms around me, the warmth given by our proximity... I raised my chin to look at him and he was staring intently at me too. 

\- I love you, I whispered. 

He leaned toward me and our lips were so close that I felt his warm breath on mine. I closed up the distance remaining, and I grazed his lips with mine very lightly, slowly... His lips came back to mine a second later, then we kissed for real. It was feeling so good, as if it was our first time all over again. 

\- I love you too, he said back, when we stopped to take a breath of air. 

I couldn’t refrain a yawn, I was exhausted from the emotional maelstrom. 

\- Am I boring you? He smiled. 

\- Of course, not. But, I gotta say, I’m about to faint from exhaustion, and... I still need to make amend to my roommates, too... 

\- You came here first? He said, looking surprised. 

\- Well, yeah, of course... I needed to see you, and James was also a priority... I said. How is he coping? I asked. 

\- He’s doing his best to bury himself in everything to not have time to think about it... Sirius said. 

\- He’s clearly coping better than me, I smiled. 

\- Well, you know the bloke, he’s annoyingly better at everything, Sirius smiled back at me. 

\- Don’t push it, he’s a terrible singer, and he’s completely atrocious when courting someone, I laugh. 

\- He did get the girl, though, did he not? Sirius laughed too. 

\- Yeah, Lily always had a soft spot for retards, I laughed. 

\- That I’ve missed, too, he said, you were SO BORING, never laughing, the sassiness all gone... He nudged me. 

\- Well, I hope you made the most of this break, because the vacations are over, pal, Sassy Dorcas is back, I nudged him back. 

\- I can handle Sassy Dorcas anytime, he cockily said. 

*** 

I was still buried in schoolwork in the library, managing to keep up despite the three days of class I missed, Remus and Lily were very kind to help me, giving me their notes and explaining the assignments we were to do. Lily, and my other roommates were fast to forgive me of my big mistake. They were mostly pitying me, I think... Actually, I felt incredibly lucky that all my friends and my boyfriend were loving me that much. I felt like I didn’t deserve it, it was nearly too much. I’ve been an idiot, and they could have ditch me. Yet again, I don’t think I would have reacted any differently now that I think about it. They were so important in my life, even more now that I’ve lost a big chunk of my family... 

\- So, I guess that now you’re back hating me? I heard in my back. 

I turned to look at Regulus, who was looking at me, hands in pocket. 

\- Strangely, I don’t, I said. 

\- Really? How so? 

\- Call me naïve, but I don’t think that you’re a bad person, I said. I know that you think you are. You’ve been eager to gain the love of someone underserving of it, and you’ve turned your back to the only person who loved you for real. 

\- Sirius stopped to love me when he abandoned me there... He spat. 

\- Is it really what you think? Because he’s thinking the complete opposite. That you stopped loving him when he left. 

\- It’s life, we grew out of it. We followed different paths. 

\- You don’t have to, you still can change your mind about this, I said. 

\- You don’t get it. It’s political. We, wizards, are tired to hide from stupid muggles. We’re powerful, they should be the ones hiding, he said, his eyes dark. 

\- Rising by trampling others is an ugly victory, I replied. And you know what? I think you already know that it’s wrong. I just fear that you’ll back off when it’s too late, when there’s no possible redemption for you. I hope that you’ll be able to live with yourself, when you’ll truly realise how wrong you were. Hell, I simply wish that you’ll still be alive to realise it... 

He just stayed there, looking at me for a minute, his eyes piercing through mine. Then, he shook his head in disbelief and turned on his heels to leave. 

\- Thank you, by the way, for your help, I said to his back, making him stop in his track. 

He turned back to me, with a small smile. 

\- Next time someone skilled in the dark arts helps you out of a stupid decision you made, try to remember that nothing is black or white in life... He nodded to me, before he left. 

I couldn’t argue with that, because it was partially true. He did something good, using his knowledge of the dark arts... I came back to my books for a while, trying to make sense of the Potions assignment and failing miserably, when I heard something coming from the alley at my right. It sounded like someone Pssssst-ing me. I turned to look and saw that Sirius was there, at the end of the alley, grinning at me. He then put his finger on his lips, mimicking me to be silent, then he nonchalantly turned the corner and disappeared. What was he playing at? I wondered, intrigued. I got up and went in his direction. As I was turning the corner, I saw him looking at me from another corner, still hushing me, and disappearing again. I followed him another time, more and more intrigued. We played that cat and mouse game for a while, until we were a the very end of a far and isolated corner, clearly not visited often if the accumulation of dust would be of any indication. He waited for me at the end of it, smiling his crooked smile. 

\- What are you playing at? I whispered to him, once I was close enough. 

\- You’ve been working hard, I thought that I could come and encourage you in your efforts... He said. 

His voice was a little husky, his pupils were darker, I felt a warmth coursing through my veins just thinking about what I could be doing with him instead of stupid schoolwork... He pulled me to him, then kissed me fervently, confirming my suspicion that he was turned on. He then pushed me gently unto the bookshelf, his hand trailing on my left thigh, going up and under my skirt. His hand reached my panties and began to pull on it to remove it. 

\- Sirius? What are you doing? We’re in the library!? I whispered to him but doing absolutely nothing to stop him. 

\- Don’t you think it’s even more fun, the fact that we could get caught? 

I just gulped from the excitation. He smiled and nodded, knowing that I was unto it too. I mean, we haven’t really done anything for weeks, and the last times we did, I wasn’t feeling it truly because of the spell I was under... My body was craving him so much... He removed my panties and stuff it in his pocket. 

\- I’ll keep those, he said, smiling at me. 

\- Why on Merlin? I asked. 

\- Don’t worry, I’m not a creep who finds his kick sniffing underwear’s, he laughed. I just want you to remember me, when you’ll go back without it later, he added. 

That being said, he kneeled in front of me. 

\- What are you doing? I asked him. 

\- I’m famished, he said, winking at me, before his head disappeared under my skirt. 

Oh. Merlin. 

*** 

\- Oh, hey, Dorcas, I wondered if we should get together tonight to practice our presentation? Peter asked me as I was joining the group to dinner. 

\- Yeah, totally, since it’s next Monday, and I have Quidditch tomorrow. We could prepare the presentation tonight, then practice it many times Sunday? I suggested, knowing that my Friday night would be boring, but, eh, it was for a good cause. 

\- Good plan, he said. 

My picture of the blossoming Devil’s snare (Yeah, I dropped the familiar name after it tried to kill me, call me spiteful if you want) was a complete success. I mean, it was incredibly beautiful, I’ve enlarged it and framed it, and I was planning to give it to Professor Sprout (I know, I’m a total sucker for extra points, I’m completely assumed about this). Now that the twenty-page essay was done, the only part remaining was to present it in front of class with Peter. I was serving myself a bowl of soup when Sirius arrived and sat in front of me. 

\- Where were you, mate? You nearly missed dinner, Peter, who was seating next to me, said to him. 

\- It’s fine, I’m not that hungry, I ate plenty, earlier, he said, looking at me with a smirk. 

That made me quite self-conscious that he still had my panties and that I was wearing none. I felt myself blush. I turned to look to someone else, trying to calm the blushing, then saw James looking at Sirius, then at me. He nodded and smirked to himself, clearly getting Sirius’ dubious innuendo. Those bastards were definitely too close... I kicked Sirius’ tibia under the table. 

\- Ow! What was that for? He asked me, feigning indignation, but unable to completely stop the cocky grin. 

\- For being an ass, I explained. 

\- What have you done? Peter asked him. 

\- Good question, Dorcas, what have I done? Sirius grin went wider. 

\- Arf... You’re so annoying, I groaned. 

\- Luckily, he has other qualities, right, Meadowes? James mocked me. 

\- Will someone explain to me what’s going on? Peter complained. 

\- You wouldn’t understand, Wormtail, James said, ruffling his hair. 

\- Okay, you win, I’m out, I said, exceeded. 

I got up and left the Great Hall. I didn’t get very far before I felt a hand pulling me back unto my boyfriend's arms, before he pushed me on the wall to kiss me. 

I guess we could say that we were back on track... 


	37. Of Moments of life (Part 1)

*** 

**_April 14th, 1978_ **

It was post day. Every week for a while I was torn between excitement and dread getting out of bed on that day. You see, I was waiting for the letter that would decide what my future would be. The letter from the Ministry’s Law Enforcement Department that would tell me if my application was accepted or declined. I was the only one in our group of friends to be in this state of anxiety. The growing war was responsible of most of the lack of superior studies attractivity. Mary was joining the family’s business. Her parents were florists, they were growing their stuff themselves in big greenhouses. She wanted to diversify the family’s business by adding magical plants and flowers to it, in a wizards only accessible boutique and greenhouse, of course.

All the others weren’t bothered by career plans. They all wanted to be part of The Order of the phoenix. James and Lily were planning to get married soon after we would graduate from Hogwarts, and James’ parents, as we could have guess it, left him a small fortune, so it would be easy for them to do whatever they wanted without needing an income. James didn’t want to stay at the Manor, though. It always was too big for him. He would sell it. At first, he would stay with Sirius, then after the wedding Lily and him would buy a cottage somewhere. I wasn’t fooling myself, James would be more than often at our flat, but I didn’t mind, I was actually planning to be a pain at Sirius and his’ place too... Remus and Peter weren’t rich, though, so they were planning to take at least a part-time job to be able to have an income. Marlene, to my astonishment, was still planning to join the Order. She wanted to be actively working for it, and her parents were kind of loaded, so she would be able to devote herself to it completely.

I was the only one who was planning after-Hogwarts' studies, that was weird. Of course, I was planning to join the Order too, but I would be a part-time member only. I was so deeply in my thoughts that I didn’t see the letter fall on me before it landed in my cereals, splashing me with milk. I took it and removed the milk from it with my wand. I read the sender’s address. It was from the Law Enforcement Department. Oh Merlin. 

\- Dorcas? You have milk in your hair, hon, I heard Lily said next to me. 

Seeing that I wasn’t answering, she took off her wand and removed it from my hair. 

\- What is it? She said, her head coming closer to mine to take a look at the letter. OH. This is it??? Open it! She urged me. 

\- I.... I can’t!!! I panicked. 

\- Is it the Auror’s acceptance letter? Sirius said on my other side. 

\- Yes, it is, but it may also be a rejection one, I said, still panicked. 

\- Do you want me to open it? He asked, his hand on my arm. 

\- I don’t know! What if they say no? 

\- They won’t, he said. And even if they did, you’ll be fighting with us anyway, he added, trying to comfort me. 

\- All right, all right... Open it, I said, giving it to him, my hand shaking. 

\- Calm down, Fury, he said, taking my hand and gently kissing it. 

That intimate contact with him send a jolt through my underbelly. How was it that even at the moment, as I was completely stressed out, that his touch was rendering me immediately turned on? Was it supposed to get less intense someday? Why on heart would I want it to? Focus, Dorcas, the letter! I shouted in my head. He was tearing up the envelope. I put my hands in front of my face, not wanting to see, wanting pretty much to disappear, actually... 

\- You got in, he said, pulling on my hands. 

\- What? I said, looking at him. 

\- You. Got. In, he said, smiling widely at me. 

I heard my friends loudly cheer up around me, making the other students turn to us in curiosity. 

\- I really did? I asked. 

\- Look, he said, raising the letter in front of my eyes and pointing at a sentence with his index finger. 

**_(…) Have the pleasure to announce you that you’ve been accepted as an Auror’s trainee in the program (…)_ **

\- I GOT IN?!?!?!? 

\- You did, Sirius laughed at me. 

\- What is that racket about? I heard Professor McGonagall’s stern tone behind me. 

\- Dorcas is officially an Auror trainee, Lily smiled at her. 

\- Oh, I never doubted she would, Professor McGonagall said. Now please, tone it down, I’m sure you will have plenty of celebration in that room of yours later, she said, winking at us, before she went away. 

We all look at each other's, flabbergasted. I wish she would have been that cool before we were about to left school for good, I thought merrily. 

*** 

**_June 20th, 1978_ **

I was looking at the plain black robes and hat on the rack, wondering how many people wore those and if they were actually ever washed, grimacing. I couldn’t believe that it was already that day. Graduation day. Then, tomorrow, we would be on our way back home, and we were not coming back in september. That would be weird. And sad. I loved that bloody castle. 

I took a dress robe and went away to let the others chose after me, going to a corner of the room. As I was about to try it on, I saw James through a half-open door. He was sitting on a bench, looking at his dress robe in his hands, looking sad. I went in to talk to him. 

\- Hey, I said, seating myself next to him. 

\- Hey, he said back. 

\- That day, it bring back our recent lost, doesn’t it, I sighed. 

\- You know what? I understand why you did it, he said. 

\- Did what? 

\- Why you did that stupid dark magic spell on yourself. 

\- Oh, yeah, that. 

\- I mean, that hurts so much, like, all the time... He sighed. It must feel good to forget about it for a while. 

\- It’s a load of crap. I know this now. I understand why it’s classified in the dark arts. It comes with a too high of a price. It sure cuts you from your grief. But it also cuts you from all the other good emotions you could feel. I’m never doing this again, I don’t want to not feel love and friendship ever again. Your parents may be absent, today, to see you graduate. But, we’re here for you, we’re family, too, I said, looking at him. 

He looked at me, raising an eyebrow. 

\- You? You would be the most annoying sister ever, I would have passed my childhood pulling on your braids, he said, smirking. 

\- Yeah, to get back at me for all the times I stole your things and kick your butt, I nudged him. 

\- That would have been great, though, he said, smiling at me. 

\- Yeah, team lonely childhood, right? I answered. But, seeing as you will always be squatting my flat, I guess I would miss that loneliness, I smirked. 

\- Come on, you love me, admit it, he grinned. 

\- You know I do. When you’ll be up there, on that stage, getting that stupid fake paper from Dumbledore... Don’t look for the absents... Look at us. Look at your incredibly gorgeous girlfriend, or at me, it will be my pleasure to make you a face to make you laugh and feel better, I said, passing my arm around his shoulder. 

\- You already did, thanks, Meadowes, he said, hugging me tightly. 

*** 

**_September 14th, 1978_ **

I was sitting in an isolated corner of a muggle coffe shop, enjoying a tasty croissant and discreetly reading the Daily Prophet. The big titles were so depressing. ‘’ ** _Muggle family murdered_** , ’’, ‘’ ** _Death eaters's ranks growing exponentially_** ’’, ‘’ _ **Death Mark seen in multiple locations, bringing murder and carnage in the Wizarding community**_ ’’, ‘’ _ **The trial of an important member of the Ministry on suspicion of being under the Imperius’ curse**_ ’’... I sighed, closing it. I took a look around. It was getting late. I had just come out of a particularly arduous day of physical training for the Auror training program and was soon to attend a meeting of the Order of the phoenix. My weekly schedule was killing me, even if it was my choice to begin with. Those calm moments, indulging tasty food and relaxing were rare. I saw that I was pretty much alone in here, everyone would be at home with their family... 

The waitress was sitting on her counter, reading newspaper too. The door opened, ringing those annoying bells that were purposed for the staff to hear when costumers would come in. I frowned at them, seeing that they were cloaked and mysterious. I took my wand, but as soon as I did, multiple things happened fast. First, my wand left my hand to fly in direction of those cloaked people. Then, the waitress got hit by a jinx and fell behind her counter. At the same time, the store in front of the windows got closed, as well as the door got locked. I stood up, feeling a cold sweat taking over me. 

\- You can sit down, Dorcas Meadowes, no harm will be done to you, I heard someone say behind four cloaked people. 

Those people turned around and went to sit at a nearby table without a word. The one that was behind came to my table. He took off the cloak, making me see that it was Voldemort in the flesh. I felt all the blood draining from my face at once. 

\- May I? He asked, pointing the chair facing me at my table. 

\- Because I’m allowed to say no? I asked. 

\- I guess it was just politeness, indeed, he smiled, before he sat in front of me. 

\- So, what brings you here on this fine evening? I asked, faking that I was not afraid to death right now, wandless, in front of Voldemort himself and four Death eaters... 

\- I wanted to discuss about your future, Dorcas Meadowes. My sources told me that you’re a brilliant witch. Though, it also went to my attention that you’re thinking about becoming an Auror. I wanted to offer you other opportunities. I wanted you to know that there were other more appropriate options. 

\- Oh, really? Like what? Becoming one of your minions? I asked. 

I saw the cloaked blokes next to us turning to me. 

\- You’re still young, Dorcas Meadowes, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Think about the great things you could accomplish, by siding with us. You really want to end up like your mother? 

\- Don’t you dare talk about my mother, I groaned. 

\- I’m giving you the opportunity to outgrow your parents, you can do so much better than they did. Don’t you see? We’re on the winning side, he said, pointing the Newspaper’s headlines to me. It’s quite simple. You’re not going to win. You’re going to lose, everything. I’m offering you a chance to survive, and to accomplish grand things, for the wizarding world. For a new order. Think about it, he said, as I was muted. 

In fact, I wasn’t considering it, I was just not stupid enough to say what I was thinking in front of those armed and dangerous people, as I was still wandless. I looked up at him, as he got up from the chair facing me. 

\- Think about it, but I won't offer again. Either you're with us, or you’re against us, he plainly stated, before he turned on his heels. 

The others followed him, and I saw Voldemort put his cloak back on and put my wand on the table near the door, before they left. 

*** 

**_October 20, 1978_ **

\- I declare you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride. 

James, as show-off as ever, made Lily spun around before he tilted her elegantly like you would do at the end of a dance, then kissed her fervently. We cheered and applaud enthusiastically. It was a quiet wedding. We were making ourselves pretty discreet these days. James and Lily, like I did too, not long ago, refused Voldemort’s proposition to join his ranks. How stupid was he, to think that James and Lily, of all people, would take his side? Lily told me that she thought that it was Severus’ who insisted that he would try to recruit them. They say no, of course, and they left. He was pissed. You cannot refuse Voldemort simply. Like he said to me, you’re either with him, or against him. So, since we kind of all refused his proposition, we were all in half-hiding, not going out often and always being careful when we did. So, tonight, we were in the newly married couple's backyard, at their new cottage in Godric's Hollow. There was best man and bridesmaid, aka, Sirius and me, then the rest of our friends, Remus, Peter, Marlene and Mary, plus Lily’s parents. She did invite Petunia and her husband, but she was a no-show. I know that despite everything, that saddened her very much... The sisters were very close, when they were young, and like Sirius and Regulus, they grew appart after Lily entered Hogwarts... Lily’s parents didn’t want to stay for the party, so they left after the ceremony. As soon as their car was going backwards in the alleyway, someone placed a bottle in my hands. 

\- Dorcas, pop it! I heard Marlene say behind me. 

Oh, true, we bring Champagne. I forced like a fool to push out the cork, it rushed off to the wedding ark, breaking a piece of it. There was silence, and I looked at everyone, feeling stupid. James started to laughed, followed by Lily, then everyone, so I join the fun too. The wedding was taking part in James and Lily’s new cottage’s garden in Godric Hollow’s village. We had suspended tons of lights everywhere, set up pretty decorated tables, and ordered food from a caterer. We also took the stereo out to have ambiance music. Also, because of the fact that it was freezing cold November, we add enchanted fires all around us to keep us warm. 

I was pouring Champagne to everyone, when James climbed a chair and raised his flute. 

\- Really? I complained, by tradition. 

\- Shut up Meadowes, this is my wedding, I can do what I want, James said, pointing me. 

I shook my head in disbelief. 

\- Dear beloved friends, he began. I cannot begin to tell you how happy I am that you all gathered here with us for the happiest day of my existence... 

\- We’re only here for the booze! Shouted Sirius. 

\- Great, thanks, mate, James laughed. As I was saying, I couldn’t hope for a better crowd to have around me today, thanks, everyone, I love you... 

\- All right, I said, move, I made a sign to James to get off the chair. 

\- What? He asked. 

\- My turn, get out of that chair, I said, before I downed the rest of my Champagne’s flute. 

He rose his eyebrows at me, but got out of the chair, then helped me up on it. 

\- It’s your wedding, so you’re not supposed to be the one to make grand speeches, it’s our job, as bridesmaid and best man. Sirius, bring your fine-looking arse out here, I said to my boyfriend. 

He smiled at me, then bring a chair next to mine and climbed on it. 

\- Let’s roast those bastards, I winked at Lily and James, who were laughing. 

\- James Potter, mister and misses. The man who wet his bed until he was twelve... 

\- I’m a deep sleeper, he shrugged, not at all insulted. 

\- And Lily Evans, everyone, the woman who was clearly giving Old Slughorn wet dreams, I teased. 

\- What a horrible thing to say! She laughed, mimicking vomiting. 

\- James Potter, or, as some call him, the man that got caught fingering Lisbeth Bode during fourth year. 

\- My dad told me after that he wasn’t mad, he was just pretending in front of my mom, James laughed. 

\- You never told me that!!! Lily shouted, her mouth wide-opened, giving him a blow on the arm. 

\- You’re no better, Lily Potter, may I remind you those precious times discovering human’s anatomy with Derrick Thomas, when your family was in vacation? 

\- You strumpet! James laugh at her. 

\- How could we pass under silence the long, awkward, annoying... Sirius began. 

\- LOUD, I added 

\- Desperate, Sirius said. 

\- Pathetic! I added. 

\- Enthusiastic? Anyway, James courting Lily. It was a long shot, man. I never thought it would work, to be honest. 

\- That’s not what you were saying to me, James said. 

\- I was lying, pal, Sirius laughed. 

\- And Lily was passionate, and creative, turning him off, wasn’t she? I added. 

\- She was indeed, altering between some lovely nicknames like... Sirius began. 

\- Toe rag, I said. 

\- Insufferable idiot, Sirius added. 

\- Brainless cockroach, I laughed. 

\- annoying boggart, he said. 

\- Putrid troll, I laughed. 

\- That was my personal favourite, Sirius smiled at me. Anyway, Lily finally decided to give him a chance... 

\- And by that, you mean that she threw herself at him in a dark corridor of a muggle bar, I pointed out. 

\- Totally, I saw that, he said. And now, we’re here, celebrating their wedding, how lame is that? 

\- Completely lame, I agreed with a smirk. 

\- James, brother, I’m honoured that you chose me to be your best man, even if the competition wasn’t high... 

Remus and Peter booed him. 

\- Jealous blokes, he teased them. You’re my first ever man-crush, hell you’re my first ever friend. It’s been a jolly ride, pal, and it’s not over yet... I love you, Prongs, he said, raising his glass. 

James came to hug his friend warmly. 

\- And Lily. Sweet, stupidly stunning, clever and kind Lily, I began. I must have a good karma to have deserved to get you as best friend. I’m the luckiest. You’re my soulmate and I love you so much... I said, my voice breaking. 

\- Aaaawww, Dore, she said, coming to hug me too. 

We settled to eat, laughing and drinking together, making the most of that precious time together. We would be seing each other less often. I mean, I was already seing less of Marlene and Mary, since we were not living together. Peter and Remus I saw more often, since I was spending a lot if time at Sirius' home or he was at my flat and when James and Sirius were somewhere, those two were never far... But, now that Lily moved out to be with her husband, that would be less frequent... 

Returning from the loo, I spotted Remus, seated alone and went to sit next to him. We were looking at Lily and James, slow-dancing and kissing, looking completely ecstatics and in love. 

\- They're great, aren't they? I sighed. 

\- Two of my favorites people together, he sighed back, turning to me with a smile. She did it, you know? Wolfbane. 

\- Oh, she didn't tell me that! It works? 

\- Yeah. I just sleep it off, every full moon, since we first tried it last june. Can you believe how easier my life got? 

\- She's so talented, I smiled back. I'm so happy for you, Remus, you deserved a break... 

\- And James is financing the expensive ingredients, she's brewing me potion every month, can you believe? I don't deserve those guys... 

\- Are you really still trying the self-pity thing on me? You should know better, by now, I smirked at him. 

\- I'm not, it's just... He began. 

\- Remus, it's quite simple. Every freakin' one of us would do it if we could. We would eat bloody oatmeal at every meal if that was to make you feel better this way. James sell a gigantic manor and is now loaded. Of course, he would use it for you. Will you someday realise your value, Remus? We love you, idiot! You deserve every freaking positive thing that happens to you, understand? 

\- All right, thanks for the pep talk, Dorcas, he laughed. 

\- I'm always ready to shake you up, I winked at him. 

Sirius came back with a second plate of desert, sitting himself next to me. Marlene arrived at this moment.

\- All right, Lupin, I know you and I didn't work, but I need a dance partner, and there's not much of a choice, tonight, so, care to dance? 

Remus smiled warmly at her. 

\- I guess I can try, he said, getting up and following her. 

\- You want some? Sirius offered me to dig in his chocolate cake. 

\- Yeah, sure, I said, taking a bite. 

-We never talked about it, is this something you want? To get married, I mean? He asked out of the blue. 

\- If this is your way of proposing to me, because it’s lame, I laughed. 

\- I’m not proposing, silly, I’m asking you if you would want me to, he smiled at me. 

\- I... I don’t think so. I never really gave it a thought. What about you? I said. 

\- I don’t care about weddings. My parents were married and were clearly unhappy together. 

\- I mean, surely, those pure blood folks and their arranged marriage... I said. 

\- Morons... He said. It's your call, though, if you would want to, I wouldn’t mind. 

\- I don’t care too, I said. I mean, the party is great, but it’s pretty easy to do it without the fuss, right? 

\- Completely, and besides, I already bedded you, why on heart would I marry you? He laughed. 

\- We’re hopeless romantics, I smirked. 

\- We are, he agreed. I love you, though, he added. 

\- Yeah, I think I love you too, I replied, leaning in to kiss him. 

*** 

**_December 25, 1979_ **

We were spending Christmas’ eve at Sirius’ home, with James and Lily, Marlene, Remus and Peter. Mary was spending it in her new boyfriend’s family. I was making spiced globin wine, following James recipe, in the kitchen, when Marlene joined me. 

\- So, Lene, getting back to your parent’s house? I asked her, knowing that Mary was moving in with her boyfriend after the holidays. 

\- Yeah, temporarily, my older sis’ is back from her traveling and she’ll be home for a while, so I’ll stay with them for that time. After, I don’t know, I guess I’ll chase for a flat or something. Tell me, you wouldn’t want to sell me yours? I mean, you and Sirius wouldn’t have two homes forever?… 

\- Yeah I know, it’s silly… We’re both attached to our places, we find it difficult to choose… Maybe after a year or two we could decide where to stay together, but I love my flat and he loves his cottage, I smiled. All right, this is ready, watch out, it’s hot, I said, passing in front of her with the hot cauldron containing the warm alcoholic beverage. 

I poured it in the cups placed on an old platter, one of the things that came with the house, and took it to the living room, where the others were. 

\- It’s hot! I said, putting the platter down on the coffee table. 

Everybody took one, except from Lily. 

\- Lils? You don’t like that? I could make you something else, I suggested. 

James and Lily look at each other’s, exchanging an amused smile. 

\- I just don’t drink, these days, she smiled at me. 

I frowned, that was new… Marlene got up from the couch and pointed Lily, clearly excited. 

\- Lily Evans, ARE YOU PREGNANT? She asked. 

I looked at Lily, flabbergasted. 

\- Yes, I am, she simply nodded, James taking her hand in both of his’ and kissing it gently. 

Oh. OH! Merlin! 

\- YOU ARE????! I said, still flabbergasted. 

\- Yeah, we just had the good news couple of days ago, we thought that we would announce it to you guys tonight, Lily explained. 

\- Wow, guys, that’s amazing, Remus said. 

\- James Potter, a father, hm, I kind of like that idea, I laughed. That kid would be lucky to have some saner adult role models, though, I smirked at James. 

\- Oh? Like who? He mocked me, while I was grimacing at him. 

\- Congrats, lovebirds, Sirius raised his cup at them. 

We spend the night hanging out and having fun, exchanging gifts, eating and drinking… I was getting out from the bathroom and nearly had a heart attack seeing James waiting for me outside the door. 

\- What the hell??! You want to kill me? I said, giving him a small blow on the arm. 

\- I wanted to talk to you alone, he said. 

\- Stalking me to the bathroom is clearly a good plan, I rolled my eyes. What did you want to talk about? I asked, intrigued. 

\- Lily and I, we thought that, if everything goes right and we indeed have a baby next summer, we wanted Sirius and you to be the godparents, he said. 

\- You… You do? I said. 

\- Of course, idiot, I need this child to learn from the bests, he smiled. And… You know, in case… We would not get out of that war alive… 

\- You will, I said, refusing to think otherwise. 

\- Probably, but just in case, you know… It would be a great thing to know that the kid would have you to take care of him or her… 

\- I… Don’t know what to say… I said, at a loss for words… 

\- Don’t feel forced to say yes if you don’t want to… He began. 

\- Are you crazy? Saying no was never an option, I meant to say that I feel… Very honoured… James, I said, feeling my eyes filling up with tears. 

\- You’re not turning all emotional on me, are you? He smiled. 

\- No, I’m not, I said, feeling a tear run down my cheek. 

\- You silly over-sensitive girl, he said, his eyes gleaming with tears too. 

He took me in his arms and hugged me tight. 

*** 

**_March 12th, 1980_ **

\- Okay, Lily, show us you bum, Marlene asked her. 

Lily got up and pulled up her jumper, standing on her side for us to see the tiny new baby curve on her belly. 

\- You just look like you didn’t poop for a week, I laughed. 

\- I know, she laughed too. Or if I would have eat too many pumpkin pasties, she added. I’m not in a hurry to look like a whale, though, she smiled. I just can’t wait to feel the baby move, you know? 

She came back to sit next to us. We were having a girls night, something we tried to do once a month. That time was at my flat. Mary was coming back from the bathroom. 

\- Dorcas? Where’s your Foe’s glass? You brought it at Sirius’? I kind of like to look at it when I pass in front, it’s quite creepy, she said. 

\- Oh no, Peter asked me if he could borrow it last week. You know, the order’s mission and all, it’s stressing him out, making him a little paranoid… 

\- The poor bloke, he shouldn’t have let the others dragging him into this. It’s clearly too much for him, Marlene commented. 

\- I know, but how could someone separate those men, I ask you? Lily said. They just wanted to include him, like they always did before. 

\- It’s a chance that he wasn’t with you lot, when you freakin’ faced You-know-who! I still can’t believe it… Mary said. 

\- He was already mad at us for refusing his offer, now we’re really a pebble in his shoe. When we got to fight them and he arrived and saw us in the other team… We putted targets on our foreheads… We use more and more protective spells on the house… Especially to keep that one safe, she said, caressing her belly in a protective gesture. 

\- You were there too, Dorcas? Mary asked. 

\- Yeah, and Sirius was, too… I got to caught that bloody whore… I said, thinking about Rosy Gallagher, one of the murderer of my mom, that was until last week still running free. 

\- Marlene told me that, the woman who… 

\- Killed my mom, yeah. 

\- How did you managed to keep your cool? Mary asked. 

\- Oh, I didn’t. I had time to punch her in the face three times before Sirius restrained me… I said, frowning at the memory. He got me out of there before I got seen by the incoming Aurors and lost my place as a trainee… 

\- A very clever move, I would say, Mary agreed. 

\- Yeah, it happens to him, sometimes, I smiled, taking a sip at my fairy wine. 

*** 

**_July 31st, 1980_ **

\- GUYS?!?!?!?! 

I was snuggled in bed with Sirius, as we were leisurely pushing back the moment that we would get up, feeling a little lazy on that clouded summer morning. 

\- Was that James’ voice? Is it from the mirror? I asked, raising my head. 

James gave us one of the communicative mirror, for us to be able to talk to them when we needed to. Because communication was harder these days, no Floo, owl mail being unsafe… Sirius got up, put some clothes on (yeah, we were wearing none) and got out of his bedroom, walking fast. For obvious reasons, we didn’t take the mirror here with us, we let it downstairs, in the living room. I was intrigued by the note of urgency that I heard in James’ voice, so I followed as soon as I was dress up. 

\- Prongs? I heard Sirius say in the living room as I was going downstairs. 

\- IT’S HAPPENING!!!! Lily’s in labor!!!! 

\- Really??? I said, arriving next to Sirius and looking at James’ reflection in the mirror. 

\- Yeah! She broke her water during the night, and the Healer say that we’ll meet the baby very soon!!! 

\- All right, we’re on our way, I said, pulling on Sirius’ arm already. 

We got out of the house, since it was impossible to disapparate in it anymore. As soon as he closed the door, we were gone. We apparate in front of James and Lily’s cottage, opened the little wooden gate and ran to the door. James opened it before we had the time to knock. He was even more dishevelled than the usual, with fatigue rims under his eyes, worry clear all around his features. 

\- So glad to see you both, he said, welcoming us in. 

\- How is she? I asked. 

\- She’s crying like someone is torturing her, I feel so useless, he sighed. 

At that moment, there was a awful cry from upstairs. 

\- All right, I’m going, I said, shrugging out of my vest and running upstairs. 

I knocked at her bedroom’s door. 

\- Red? It’s me, I announce myself. 

\- You can come in, Dore, she said, her voice sounding tired and weak. 

She was walking around her bed, with a female healer supporting her. 

\- I can take it from here, I told her. 

\- Vivian, this is Dorcas, Dorcas this is… AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!! She cried, her hands on her painful stomach. 

\- A pleasure, I nodded to the healer. So, I see it’s going well? I asked, trying to stay casual. 

\- Yes, everything is going well, she’s nearly ready to push that baby out, Vivian smiled at me, not looking stressed in the slightest, something that reassured me. 

\- James ran out of the house? Lily asked me. 

\- No, he’s downstairs with Sirius. 

\- Of course, those bastards would take a drink while I’m AAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH OOOOOOOWWWWWW!!! 

\- He’s panicked, I mocked him. 

\- Are you not? She asked. 

\- Strangely, not that much, I guess I like to see you suffer, I tried to joke. 

\- You wait till it’s your tuuUUUUUUUUURRRNNnn BLOODY HELL!!!! 

\- Let’s make a check up, the Healer said, pointing the bed. 

I went to stand near my friend’s head, to gave her some privacy while her naked legs were spread in front of the healer. 

\- Oh. Great, it’s done, you’re ready, dear, she said to Lily with a smile. 

\- AAAAaaaaaarrrgggggghhh PPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFTTTT!!!! I am??!?! This is it? 

\- Yes, you should get the father in here, she winked at me. 

\- See you in a bit, love, I kissed Lily on the cheek before I left. 

I went downstairs to the men, who were looking at me with a questioning look. 

\- Go back, dad, she’ll be pushing that painful brat out, I smiled at him. 

\- Oh, really? He said. 

It took a second to understand, before he gave his glass to me and ran upstairs. I took a sip from his drink and went seeking comfort in my boyfriend’s arms. It took exactly 34 minutes before the cries stopped. We looked at one another, then waited. Two minutes later, we heard James from upstairs. 

\- Come up, guys!!! 

We put our glasses on the coffee table and ran upstairs. The bedroom’s door was open, Lily, her features red and exhausted, but with a very wide smile, was cradling a small bundle of blankets in her arms. I came closer and looked at it, the little reddish alien-like baby, looking lovingly at Lily. 

\- It’s a boy, Lily whispered. 

\- How would you call him? I asked them. 

\- Harry, James said, tears running from his eyes. 

\- Hold him, love, Lily said to him. 

\- He’s so small, James said, taking it with precaution. 

I looked at Sirius, as he was looking at tiny baby Harry, emotion clear on his face. 

*** 

**_Later that day_ **

We got back at dawn, having spend the day at the Potter’s helping them by preparing food, washing dishes and everything we could do to make it easier for them with the new born. Sirius and I held him for a while, too, in the afternoon, when Lily was getting a well-deserved nap. Harry was mostly asleep in our arms, and waking up very loudly when he was hungry. It was a surreal day… 

\- May I come with you? Sirius asked me, standing by the bathroom’s door, as I was enjoying a relaxing hot and bubbly bath. 

\- Yeah, of course, I smiled at him. 

He took off his clothes and entered the bath, seating himself at the other extremity. We magically enlarged it, to be more comfortable when we would be the both of us in it. He leaned his head back and immerged it in the water, before he came out all wet. 

\- Well, that was an interesting day, he said. 

\- Indeed, it was, I replied. 

\- It made me think. 

\- About? I asked. 

\- About the fact that we could do this, too, he said. 

\- Oh, so you want me to cry my brains out like Lils did? I smirked at him. 

\- No, Merlin, no… That’s horrible… I was more thinking about the fact that I would maybe want to have kids with you. 

\- Kids? With a S? You mean plural? I teased him. 

\- Is that crazy? I mean, with the war and all? He asked. 

\- Totally crazy, I agreed. 

\- So it’s a no-go, right? He said. 

\- I didn’t say that. I said that it’s crazy. 

\- Meaning? 

\- Since when do we mind doing crazy stuff? I smiled. 

\- Really? 

\- Sirius, are you thick? Am I not completely under your charm for years, now? Of course, I want tiny versions of you, idiot! Really, sometimes you can be really dumb, I sighed. 

He took hold of my foot and began to torture me by tickling it, knowing pretty well that I hated it. Literally, I was trying to escape his grip like a crazy person. 

\- Stooooooop, Merlin, stop!!! 

\- You still think that I’m dumb? He smirked. 

\- Please LET GO!!! No, you’re not dumb, you’re a genius, and you’re my lord and master, happy? 

\- Hm. Fair enough, he laughed. So, kids? 

\- Remove the plural, let's go one at a time, and I need to finish Auror's training first. 

He raised from his side of the bath and came to face me, passing between my legs. 

\- All right, what about some practice, then? He said, kissing me. 

\- Hm. Strange, I would think that we would be considered pretty good already, seeing the frequency to which we practice it... I smirked. 

\- I’m all for continuous improvement, he smirked back at me. 

*** 


	38. Of Moments of Life (Part 2)

*** 

**_December 25, 1980_ **

\- He’s so cute, I’m gonna eat him! Marlene was praising Harry, kissing his beautiful little jowls. 

\- He is, right? Lily was ecstatically agreeing with her on the subject of her son’s cuteness. 

\- That’s a relief, he’s not as ugly as his father, I laughed. 

\- Yeah, nice try, Dorcas, since Harry’s the perfect replica of James, Lily replied. 

\- Except the eyes, he got your incredibly awesome eyes, love, James said, while sticking his tongue out to me. 

\- He does, I agreed, smiling. 

\- What a crazy world to be born unto, though, Marlene sighed. 

That was insane, all right. Lily’s parents died a month ago, in a stupid car accident. Problem was, we weren’t completely sure that the accident was legit. We were suspicious that maybe that was retribution from Voldemort’s side. James and Lily had crossed his path two times already, and he never managed to get rid of them. He must be pretty pissed… The muggle authorities were clueless, immediately assuming that was an ordinary car crash… Marlene, as we were all, was tired with the incessant attacks and bad news… 

\- We’ll protect and cherish you, little man, Marlene said to him. OUCH! He’s pulling on my hair! OW! Harry, stop it! She laughed. 

\- Isn’t he perfect? James laughed. 

\- I agree, Prongs, he clearly inherited our taste for mischief, Sirius said. Good boy! 

Lily rolled her eyes at them, before she went to help Marlene, Harry still giggling while pulling her hair. 

\- What about you, Dorcas, planning to produce a tiny-Sirius? 

\- Well, as cute as that sounds, I’m planning to finish my Auror’s training, first, I said, looking up at Sirius, who winked at me. 

*** 

_**March 9th, 1981** _

I was running, like death was after me, in a clearing, painted golden by the sunset. It would have been quite a great vision if it wasn’t in such a horrible moment. 

We got a cue about a planned attack on the McKinnon’s house, by one member of the order that was a double agent. I’m not naming him or her, because Dumbledore was the only one knowing about who it was. He was suspecting that there was a double agent on our side too, so he was being very careful… As soon as I learned about it, I ran out of our headquarters to disapparate as soon as I could. I heard the others running after me. Marlene was a member of the order too, everyone wanted to make sure that she was safe too… My heart was menacing to burst out of my ribcage… She’ll be fine, I was trying to convince myself… 

That’s how I arrived in the golden clearing. Sirius appeared close to me, and pulled me to him as I was flabbergasted by the vision in front of me. The Dark Mark was floating in the sky on top of Marlene’s family home. Sirius’ hand briefly squeezed mine before he began to ran in direction of the house. I followed him, running next to Gideon Prewett. I thought about the fact that when we last met, with the girls, for our girl’s night, Marlene told us that she was attracted to the golden-red hair Prewett twin. I wonder if she managed to seduce him… Merlin, she needed to be safe, please, tell me that she was safe… That she wasn’t home when the attack occurred… 

We arrived at the house, but before we could enter, the front door banged open and death eaters were there. I saw James quickly hiding behind a tree, pointing his wand at them. Since I was within the last people in the back, I griped Gideon’s sleeve and pulled him to change direction with me. 

\- Let’s try to go in by the back, I said, knowing that house well enough to know that we could entered by the door leading to the gardens. 

\- I’m following you, he said, clearly trying to keep his cool to be efficient. 

We cut through a small wooded area and arrived in the garden. We passed in front of Marlene’s mother precious rose’s bush, before we arrived near the stairs leading to the back door. I put a finger on my mouth, signaling him to be quiet, then went up, as Gideon was covering my back. I opened the door and looked inside, there was no-one in sight, nor any noise. I entered, followed by Gideon. I cautiously crossed the corridor leading to the big living room. As soon as I turned to entered it, my heart stopped. They were there. All of them. All of their corpses. They were all dead. Forgetting all caution, I ran to Marlene’s body. I fall on my knees, a complaint escaping my throat. 

\- Well, well, well, and what have we here? I heard at my right. 

I raised a trembling hand, my wand in it, in the direction of the voice. It was a feminine voice, sounding like a mix between sexy and childish. That was weird. And disgusting. 

\- Those were friends of yours? She said, her wand pointing me, then turning her head when she saw Gideon coming to stand next to me. 

There were two other death eaters behind her, too… We were outnumbered by one. 

\- You’re gonna pay, for this… I groaned. 

\- You don’t have it in you, doll, she mocked me. I don’t think you do! 

\- _Confringo_! I attacked her first. 

\- Oh, she said, dodging it elegantly, already? I thought we were having a conversation? 

\- _Crucio_! A man standing behind her casted. 

He missed, too. 

\- _Oppugno_! Gideon casted, trying to crash a marble bust unto one of the death eater. 

\- _Petrificus totallus_! I shouted, at the same time that the dreadful woman casted Crucio on me. 

Before her unforgivable curse hit me, I saw that I got one of her acolyte down with my body-binding spell. The victory wasn’t long, because an incredibly powerful pain made me fall on my back on the floor. I blacked out. 

I opened my eyes, looked around, and remembered where I was. The bodies of Marlene’s family were not far from me, then I got the horror vision of Gideon’s body lying next to them, dead too. 

\- You finally woke up, sleepy bird? I heard over me. 

I turned to look up and there she was. She had her mask and cloak removed. She was stunningly beautiful, her long curly raven black hair skimming my face as she was standing above me. Her skin was very pale, she got a very thick eyeliner line around her dark eyes, her lips the color of blood. 

\- Where are the others? I managed to ask. 

\- Oh they’re playing with your stupid lot, she laughed. I stayed to play with you, she added, her hand caressing my cheek, giving me a disgusted shiver. 

\- Don’t touch me! I spit at her. 

\- And what would you do, doll? Your hands are tied? She said, making me realise that she was right. I have a couple of questions for you, if you don’t answer, I’ll cut you, if you answer, well, in fact, I’ll cut you either way, actually… She giggled madly. 

She showed me a little ornate dagger, incrusted with black onyx. She raised it to my jaw and I felt a burning as she was cutting my skin with it. I gritted my teeth to avoid giving her the satisfaction of screaming from pain. 

\- You didn’t even ask anything, idiot! I spat. 

\- I don’t care, really, she rolled her eyes. Also, look, I have your wand! 

She showed me my wand, that she was holding in her hands. She giggled a little, before she licked it in a very vulgar and insane way. 

\- So, there wasn’t any place left with the other looneys in St-Mungos? That’s why Voldemort recruited you? An act of charity? I stupidly mocked her. 

\- How dare you say his name? You unworthy little whore! She barked at me, her voice less childish, more rough, pointing her wand at my nose. Crucio! I heard her cast, before I lost it from the pain, again. 

I screamed my lungs out, unable not to. Then, I heard a racket around me, and the pain ceased at once. 

\- YOU CRAZY BITCH, GET AWAY FROM HER! I heard. 

\- Oh, evening, cousin. Glad you’re here, I could rip our family from dishonor once and for all, Crucio! I heard her cast. 

\- Miss, you moron! I heard Sirius mock her. 

I was feeling sick, I was trying to move, but my body felt like it was made of pellet. 

\- _Confringo_! I heard her say. 

Of course, I wasn’t able to know what Sirius was casting, because he, as usual, was silent-casting. I managed to turn my head, and saw my wand on the floor, inches only out of my reach. I saw that Sirius managed to touch his cousin, she was smiling at him, before she touched the wound on her naked shoulder, then brought her bloody fingers to her lips, smiling madly. I was disgusted. Seeing that she was clearly mentally affected AND Sirius’ cousin, I would bet that it was Bellatrix Lestrange… He talked to me about her, not in very kind words, I must add… I was getting back a little more control over my body, so I managed to scoot closer to my wand. I pointed it on Bellatrix. 

\- You’re surrounded, looney, I said. 

She turned back to me, then giggled. Sirius, still pointing his wand on her, came closer to pull me by the hand to help me get me up. 

\- _Incarcero_! I casted.

Thin ropes appeared all around Bellatrix body, binding her, her wand falling to the floor. As soon as she was bind, Sirius undid the rope binding my wrists. At that moment, we heard the front door bang open. We went to the corridor to see. It was Death eaters, I mean, loads of them. 

\- We need to get out! I urged Sirius, pulling him by his sleeve toward the back door, the enemies on our tracks. 

We managed to miraculously get out unharmed from the house. We saw that there was no one left from the Order, so we disapparated immediately. As we arrived in front of the headquarter, Sirius took my face in his hands. 

\- Are you all right, Fury? He asked me. 

\- Ye-ah… I managed to say. Then I thought back to the loss I just got and fell my legs giving up under me from the pain. Marlene was gone… 

*** 

**_March 12th, 1981_ **

\- I’m very sorry for your lost, Dorcas... Said Mr. Kurlick, my supervisor for my Auror formation. If you want to take some days off, it would be completely understandable... 

\- I’m fine, I said, like a robot. 

I wasn’t, though. The pain I felt inside was excruciating. Marlene’s death was literally haunting me day and night. I was sleep-depraved, crying myself to sleep every night, then my brain spinning too-fast, giving me insomnia. What could’ve been done to prevent this? Sirius was annoying me by saying that nothing could have change that. We we’re all dangerously exposed. We were fighting Death eaters for years, now. And since we were no cowards like them, we weren’t wearing any mask. They know us. He’s right. I know we have targets on our backs... All of us have. Always defying Voldemort and his crew. We got attacked multiples times, already, while doing simple things like running errands... But nonetheless... Our houses are supposed to be safe. They were supposed to be magically hidden. How could they have known where to find Marlene? Was Dumbledore’s suspicions, right? Was there somebody in our team giving information to them? We were falling one after another these days... 

That horrible day at Marlene’s, the Prewett twins died. Gideon, who was with me in the house, and Fabian got hit in the back as he was running out to disparate back at the headquarter. The Order of the phoenix was getting less and less crowded... And at the same time, the remaining members were getting more and more paranoid, always watching our backs for an attack. 

\- Are you certain? Because... Mr. Kurlick insisted. 

I sighed. I was nearly finished with Auror formation and I wanted to drown myself in work, to try to focus myself on that goal, something I was still able to control in my life... 

*** 

**_March 13th, 1981_ **

\- It’s bad, Sirius, everything is bad right now. I just say that I may reconsider certain things, for the moment. 

\- What are you saying? That we shouldn’t have kids? He asked. 

\- I’m not saying ever, we’re only 21 for Merlin’s sake! There’s no rush! Don’t you see? Everyone’s dying around us??? Don’t you understand? We’re next, Sirius!!! I shouted to him. 

He stayed muted, standing in front of me. I turned on my heels and went to my bedroom, closing the door behind me. I sat on the edge of my bed, hid my face behind my hands and started to sob. It was true, I was feeling like there were bear traps all around me, and I was blindly walking in the dark, wishing that I would not put a foot in one. I was tired, so tired, to lose the people around me. It looks like Voldemort was right that night when we met in that Coffee shop. He was on the winning side. We were on the losing one... My insomnia was getting on my moral... 

I heard the door opened and I turned to look at Sirius. He came to sit at my side, and saying nothing, just hold me tight for a while. 

\- I’m not stupid, I know it’s bad. But tell me what will we gain by losing hope? We need to believe that things will get better, Fury. We owe it to Harry, of all people, who never chose to come to life in that fuck-up war. And I understand you wanting to postpone the kids. But I would like to make a counteroffer. 

\- Hm? I simply answered, looking up at him. 

\- You know, I gave it some thoughts, lately... He began, getting up from the bed and beginning to pace in front of me. 

\- Those dangerous times, you know... And also, if anything would happen to me, I wouldn’t want you to be left with nothing and... 

\- Sirius? What the hell are you blabbering about? I asked him. 

He didn’t look like he heard me. 

\- I know we laughed about it before, and I know it’s cheesy, but rationally, there’s some advantages to it in situations like the one we’re living... 

\- You’re literally making no sense, I said. 

He just continued pacing and blabbering, not listening to me or bothering to answer me. 

\- Nothing grand, I’m thinking, my house, couple of friends, food and booze, and... 

I stood up and went to block him on his path by putting myself in his track and I took him by the shoulders. 

\- Would you, please, explain to me what’s going on in that fantasist head of yours? I laughed. 

He always was good to make me forget about my gloomy mood. He grinned at me. 

\- Sure. How about we get married? He asked. 

*** 

**_April 30th, 1981_ **

\- Allright, so, now, you blokes say your vows, and I’m to judge if it’s any good, and decide then if I’ll marry you, James said. 

I facepalmed. 

\- Didn’t I told you that to choose him as celebrant would be a bad idea? I said to Sirius, who was looking amused by his friend’s ridiculous prestation as the celebrant to our wedding. 

\- I think she’s unprepared, mate, James mocked me to Sirius. 

\- I think you’re right. Afraid, Meadowes? Because my vows are awesome, he winked at me. 

I rolled my eyes at him, before I just plainly hit him with my white Calla Lily’s bouquet (that was Mary’s gift, coming from her parents’ greenhouse, that and the white roses of the wedding arc). 

\- My vows are spectacular, thank you very much, I replied. 

\- Lady’s first, then, he gestured me to go on. 

\- All right, then... I said, taking the paper Lily was giving me. 

We were in Sirius’ living room. The couches and armchairs had been pushed against the walls to make space to our very little and intimate wedding ceremony. There was a white-roses arc in front of the fireplace, where we were standing right now, with James as the more ridiculous celebrant in history, then there were seven chairs facing us. First, there was my close family, aka, my dad and my gran, then my friends, Lily, with turbulent baby Harry on her knees, finding all of this very boring and trying to escape every minute, Mary and her husband Thomas, Remus and Peter. We made it quite simple, everyone brought something to eat and to drink and we made a buffet out of it. 

I looked at my soon-to-be-husband. He was very elegant in his white shirt and black tie, even if he chose casual black jeans to go with it. Jeans with holes in it, I might add. And black and white muggle converse shoes. But he always was a rebel, wasn’t he? That’s partially why I love him that much. Also, I wasn’t that much better, I was wearing my mom’s cream-colored dress, the last piece of cloth she lends me before... Before she was gone. I wasn’t wearing any jewels, except for my Fury pendant, and I was barefoot. My hair was up, Lily did it for me earlier, that and the make-up. I felt another sting through my heart at the thought that Marlene wasn’t the one that did it. That she never again would be. I shook my head slightly to go away from those depressing thoughts and focus on my vows. 

\- Sirius Black. I thought about what I could say about you. When we first met, in the train, that first day, I was clumsy and stressed, and one moment, our eyes met, and it made me feel... As if I was free-falling from the sky. Then, as I was clearly... Distracted... I just knocked unto someone and fell. When I looked back at you, wishing from all my heart that you didn’t saw me fall, you were gazing at me, with that stupid, wicked, irresistible crooked smile, and you turned on your heels and left. I felt stupid, and I was pissed. But as soon as I got out of the train, I was already trying to spot you out from the crowd... Then I got to know you, as a fellow Gryffindor, and within the years, and decided that you were a douche bag. 

\- You did? Sirius asked me, smirking. 

\- Oh yeah, it’s true! Mary shouted. She told us that many times. 

\- Thing is, I never really thought that. You always intrigued me. The boy who was supposed to be a Slytherin, from an old and reputed pure-blood family, whose passion was to hang-out with his mischievous friends. I admitted being in love with you during our final year at Hogwarts. But you know what? I think I was in love with you right from the start. That cocky crooked smile of yours, seeing me make a fool of myself, that was it, for me. I knew already that I was going to stupidly fall for you, that day. 

I made a small pause, our gaze locked together. 

\- Here’s what I love about you. I love that you’re always challenging me, even if it drives me crazy, sometimes. I love that you’re as much an idiotic reckless as I am. I love the incredibly inspiring friendship you share with James, Remus and Peter. I love that you have the immense power to make me feel instantly better, when I’m feeling depressed... I love those small attention you have for me, like the habit to write messages to me on the page of a novel while I’m reading it, or when I get back from a too-long day to find a candle-lit bubbly bath with a glass of Goblin wine to go with... Oh, I won’t lie, sometimes, you can get on my nerves, or downright piss me off, but, mostly, you’re pretty agreeable to live with, Sirius Black. I love you so much, and I hope that this stupid war would come to an end, so we could have tiny replicas of you to annoy us all day long... 

He kissed me pretty enthusiastically when I finished. 

\- All right, that was quite acceptable, said James. 

\- Shut up, James, I said, nudging him. 

\- I remember that first day we met too, Fury, Sirius began. But I didn’t think anything of it, because I wasn’t at a good place, when I was eleven. I was a lost kid, who didn’t know the first thing about love. And even when Remus, here, put your name on that stupid out-of-reach's list, I didn’t understand why that was annoying me. But it did, annoyed me. Then, you join the team, and we got to spend more time together. I was fascinated by the way you never let me get the last word, you had a wonderful sense of repartee and a nasty sassiness, that I found very attractive. Hell, you were attractive too. I was trying to lamely convince myself that I wasn’t falling for you. But how not to? You’re clever, funny, sexy as hell, especially naked... Sorry, Mr. Meadowes! He said, looking at my dad. 

\- I’ll let this one slit, he answered, laughing. 

\- I guess what I’m trying to say, here, tonight, is that I love you, Dorcas Meadowes, for better, for worse, we’ll continue to fight together, side by side, and you know what? I’m not hoping for a happy ending, because this, here... I already got it. You are my happy ending, Fury... 

\- I love you so much, I said, kissing him. 

\- All right, all right, have some restrain, you two! James laughed. Lily-flower? He asked. 

Lily got up, Harry in her arms, and came to us, opening her hand on our rings. We exchanged them and turned to James. 

\- Well, what’s the next step, again? James asked, frowning. 

\- I think that’s the moment where I’m to crash a bottle unto something? Sirius said. 

\- No, mate, that’s when you baptise a boat. No, I think it’s the moment to cut a ribbon? 

\- We’re not inaugurating something, Prongs, Sirius said. 

\- Okay, guys? I began. 

\- Oh, I know! I need to carry her in my arms to get through the threshold? Sirius asked, not listening to me. 

\- No, I mean, it’s supposed to be later, but even so... I mean, you already kind of live together and sleep together, so I hardly think that’s necessary, still sorry, Mr. Meadowes! James grinned at my dad. 

My dad didn’t even answer, just rolled his eyes to oblivion. 

\- Guys? I persisted. 

\- Is that the part where... James began. 

\- JAMES POTTER!!! WOULD YOU BLOODY STOP FOOLING AROUND AND MARRY THEM ALREADY??? Lily shouted. 

The boys stopped messing around and looked her way. 

\- Thanks, Red, I was about to just disapparate away from those morons, I laughed. 

\- Well, actually, there’s an anti-apparition's protection, remember? Sirius frowned at me. 

\- She’s a little dumb, right? Didn’t you say minutes ago that she was clever? James frowned at Sirius. 

\- All right, blokes, I know what’s the next step is, I’m to murder the both of you! I said. 

\- All right, pal, you’re marrying a psychopath, then? James asked Sirius. 

\- Everyone has flaws, right? Sirius nodded. 

\- This wedding’s cancelled, I’m out, I said. 

\- Relax, Meadowes, we’re only joking, James laughed. 

\- I hate you both, I said, coming back. 

\- Oh no, you love us both. Especially this fine gal, here, James said, taking my hands and putting them in Sirius’. Hereby, by the super-power that was appointed to me to be your celebrant, and on that fabulous day, I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may now kiss, like this is something new for us to see, he laughed, but all sound and images disappeared when my husband kissed me. 

*** 

**_October 31, 1981_ **

\- I miss you, Red, I said to her reflection in our communication mirror. 

\- I know, I miss you too, so much, she sighed. But, for now, we need to stay hidden, for Harry’s sake, until things cool off... She added. 

\- I know, I understand... I sighed too. How is he? Still an adorable brat, like his father? I asked. 

\- The little demon! You know what he managed to do, yesterday? That marvelous gift from Sirius and you, he LOVES it. I mean, he was a handful already, always making a mess in every corner, not you idiots gave him the opportunity to extend his destruction to walls and ceilings! I was pouring myself tea, I was gone, what? 20 seconds? He emptied a complete bottle of ink all around the living room!!! FROM THE AIR! 

\- I’m glad he likes the broomstick, I’m sure he’ll be playing Quidditch when he gets to Hogwarts! I laughed. 

\- I’m thinking about a mysterious disappearance of that Merlin forsaken broomstick! She laughed with me. 

\- Can I see him? Is he close? I asked. 

\- Oh, no, he’s asleep for now. Sirius’ on his way here? 

\- Yeah, he needed to run a couple of errands before, though. I’ll need to go, Lils, I’m supposed to meet my work’s partner this afternoon. I hope I won’t be paired up with an idiot, wish me luck! 

\- Good luck! You’re beginning your officials Auror’s function when? 

\- Next monday! FINALLY! 

\- So proud of you, hon, you did it, do you realise? 

\- No, I don’t. It’s weird to finally being able to say that I’m an Auror. I’ll have my golden plate on my office door and all, can you believe? 

\- Absolutely, I totally can. After all the efforts you putted in it! 

\- Need to go, Red, I said, taking a last sip of my tea and grabbing my vest on the back of a chair. 

\- Oh. Sirius is arriving, too, let’s talk again very soon, all right? She asked, before she blew me a kiss. Bye, Mrs. Black, she grinned at me. 

\- Soon, Mrs. Potter, winking at her. 

*** 


End file.
